HHD – Monkey Style

So – it’s an honor to be allowed to fill in for teh Rocket Chick; i’ll try not to fail to launch this bitch in an appropriate manner (one that your mom would like).

I went the extra mile and commissioned a song to be written specifically for this poat – leon’s pricing was a bit high but he promised that he wouldn’t eat too many ‘shrooms whilst composing this amazing journey of musical  majesty –

What do you think?



now onward to the hunky humps that the hostagettes and jewstin have been waiting for:

First up – Mares’ high-school sweetheart: she signed the yearbook “two my Dearest COCK” – must be he liked roosters or something

mares boyfriend

For the Science Fistion / Naval Officer Fans – Admiral Ackbar

admiral ackbar

For those who like a man in uniform:

syrian special forces commander

syrian special forces commander

Special Appearances by Teh Hostage Menz:
xbrads lady killer daze

Sean all gussied up for work

tushars new doo

Tushar with his new Doo

xbrad after spending too much time alone

Xbrad after spending too much time at home

jay after transition

Jay before his surgery

jay before transition

Jay after the Transition

hotspur getting ready for a day of sailing

HotSpur getting ready for a day on the boat

colex on his way to the interview

Colex on his way to The Interview

leon getting ready for a work out

leon getting ready to work out

Man dressed in a condom costume walks at Caleta Portales beach, during a summer awareness campaign by the Chilean Corporation for the Prevention of AIDS in Valparaiso city

MJ at the beach


Pupster showing C ar in how it’s done

Wiserbud all prepped for his show

VMax fishing

jimbro at work

scott whipping a little sumpin’-sumpin’ up for lauraw

pendejo pin up

pendejo’s Christmas card photo

pepes knife ideas

Pepe’s latest knife idea


just because

im done with you

Your mild mannered Poater – finishing a masterpiece!!!!!!

And Finally An Introduction to A Fire Fighter’s Tool – The Halligan:

The Guy in the Upper Left Has the Halligan – Chicks Evidently Like Guys with a Shiny Halligan

Now get out there and blow Bubbles!!!!!!!!!!

blowing bubbles


  1. Wasn’t Bubbles the name of Michael Jackson’s chimp’s name?

  2. chimps need some luvin’ too ya know

  3. You saved it at the end, Jam. Great H2 men sampler.

  4. those pol pics finally came in handy

  5. totally accurate *scratches cooter

  6. Horrific.

  7. I feel cheated.

    wakey wakey

  8. I have a new music HHD I can do sometime.

  9. Oldest boy going for drivers license today. He drives well for instructors but not Paula. Pretty sure he enjoys irking her. Hopefully he passes. Although the odds of him borrowing either one of our vehicles remain slim at the moment.

  10. Erin still doesn’t have her license and she’ll be 18 in November. I need to light a fire under her ass.

  11. My little guy began his campaign to get my truck a couple of years ago. Little fucker has it figured out pretty well. If he hadn’t pushed for it to become his truck we’d be discussing the pros and cons of the oldest getting it after passing the test. I really enjoy driving a paid off vehicle

  12. I’m just really really sick of driving them. To school mostly. There is a bus, but the pick up time is 6:05 or something and school doesn’t even start until 7:20. I’m not that big of a monster.

  13. Nice collection election of freaks, Jam.
    But you missed one from last week:


  14. This person put my argument more eloquently – a friend posted it today for some reason.


  15. I’d like to know more about the idiotic deal (much like Obama’s with Iran) Clinton (Bill) made with North Korea.

  16. chi that is some mug shot –
    that is now officially you

  17. “I feel cheated.”

    feel free to update the pics

  18. “Horrific.”

    traffic accident?

  19. No, I’ll save my pictures for their own entire poat. I have funnies and everything.

  20. Although the odds of him borrowing either one of our vehicles remain slim at the moment.

    Never quite enters the realm of possibilities when said fuckery is being executed, eh?

  21. Now you’re just being selfish, Car in. Think of the children. We all have to poat our fair share.

  22. This post is hilarious. Nicely done my space enthusiast friend!


  23. Taking control is one thing Car in, but it is a disease. The hold such things have over some is different than for others.

  24. But it’s not Cancer. It’s not a brain tumor that gives you 6 months.

  25. I chose them knowing what they would do. I chose them knowing I would become addicted. But that wasn’t my disease…….that was my CHOICE. I decided day after day, that drugs were more important than my life. I made a conscious effort each day to put drugs in, and to ignore the facts.

    You see, cancer patients don’t wake up one day and say “Hey, you know what, I sure would love some cancer today.” But you know what so called diseased person chooses their path? The addict.

  26. I think we can all agree that feminism in cancer. AMIRIGHT?

  27. Racism should be a disease.

  28. Gambling and obesity are diseases, why isn’t crossfit?

  29. I think we can all agree that feminism in cancer. AMIRIGHT?

    Well duh.

  30. I think it’s settled science that crossfit is a cult.

  31. What about Leftinoma?

  32. Isn’t that what McCain has on his fivehead?

  33. Are we on McCain deathwatch™?

    I give him <30 days.

  34. My porn addiction doesn’t allow me to work.

  35. You joke, there are guys that fucked up.

  36. Feel good video of the day – do these fuckers know any other words?


  37. Not a disease…..more like a self induced disability.

  38. I give him <30 days.

    What are the stakes? I say he’s still alive after Sept 15.

  39. You wanna see some funny shit, do a web search on Abu Hajr…

  40. You joke, there are guys that fucked up.

    And most are ‘working’ for the federal govt.

  41. Weiner’s addiction cost him his job. I’ve seen guys lose their jobs because of porn at work.

  42. Chi got to the joke before I could.

    *Shakes fist at the sky*


  43. Well, Alex – if you were reading here instead of watching porn…

  44. My porn watching goes through highs and lows, but thankfully I’ve never had the irresistible urge to watch Backdoor Sluts 9 on a government monitored desktop.

    Weiner wasn’t a porn addict, he’s just a narcissist and an exhibitionist.

  45. Not watching porn. Showering and fiddling with slides for my presentation in three hours. In about twenty minutes I get to go to Kinko’s and print off a bunch of stuff and then fight traffic driving to Santa Barbara.

  46. Werner. One of the best movies around.

  47. I didn’t say he was addicted to porn. Behavioral issues are similar, is all, and his was sex-related/comorbid.

    And Backdoor Sluts was unwatchable after that awful retcon in 5.

  48. Backdoor Sluts is unwatchable?

    I did not get that memo.

  49. I was funnin’ Geoff, though I do find anal sex repulsive. Unhygenic and unsafe.

  50. And Backdoor Sluts was unwatchable after that awful retcon in 5.

    The whole attempt to build a Backdoor Sluts Cinematic Universe has been a disaster. The Netflix shows were ok, but the latest offering on ABC family is just painful to watch. The acting is horrible, the plots are silly, and the CGI has been mediocre.

  51. I know, right? Like, CGI is dirt fucking cheap right now, and good writing is easier to find than ever if you look for it.

    Acting… okay, that’s harder, but they should just make the whole thing CGI and use voice talent. They’re cheaper and usually emote better anyhow.

  52. The acting is horrible, the plots are silly, and the CGI has been mediocre.

    …and the Stan Lee cameos are the worst.

  53. The CGI Leonard Nimoy after #3 really killed it for me.

  54. I can’t buy the basic premise of porn. The plumber never gets there that fast. And the fireman are usually older and fat.

  55. /the problem with porn thread

  56. And the frustrated housewife who answers the door in lingerie usually looks more like Florida Woman than your typical co-ed.

  57. Geeky looking folks aren’t actually REALLY hot once you take off their glasses. It hasn’t just been hiding there all this time.

  58. You guys are destroying my will to live.

  59. That sex-a-holic housewife doing the UPS guy probably has a few STDs

  60. At my age, a woman who’s managed to keep her figure and not get a swath of tattoos is automatically starting at 5. Glasses might even be a plus in a Sexy Librarian (another myth) way.

  61. You guys are destroying my will to live.

    Have you been here before? This is WHAT WE DO.

    That and recipes/gardening/fitness.

  62. And outdated fasion trends, IE: cargo shorts.

  63. We have talked about making bread in a while. MCPO’s absence has left a hole in the H2.

  64. Cargo shorts are now and forever. Fight me.

  65. Morning!

    I got nuthin’ Having to read the WASC report for our accreditation is really hard when you seem to have the attention span of a goldfish. Fasting kind of sucks when you need to get things done

  66. I find the contrary to be true. Fasted, I can focus and switch context on a dime. Fed I’m sluggish physically and ready to relax mentally.

  67. Could also be the subject matter…

  68. The two lesbians probably aren’t interested in sharing your cock.

  69. Leon, from an evolutionary standpoint, that makes sense – back in the days when we actually had to hunt and gather for a meal, I would imagine one would be VERY focused if the last meal had been a couple of days earlier 😊

  70. … back in the days when we actually had to hunt and gather for a meal…

    Oh yeah. You mean the dark days of the antesandwichian era.

  71. When MJ makes another appearance, would someone PLEASE tell him that I would like his email address? He can reach me at teresa.hamilton.koch at the gmail thingy. Thanks!

  72. Who’s MJ?

  73. Just finished my presentation. They sent me out while they discuss it.

  74. MJ is Mare.

  75. Teresa is Koch sister?

  76. Nope – husband’s family is of the Texas variety; hopped on the boat in Germany, landed in Galveston, and made their way to spots near San Antonio. His dad’s family lived in Hondo, about 30 miles west of SA. He grew up 80 miles west of there, in a little town called Brackettville.

  77. It’s a pretty common German surname; it translates to “cook” in English (which is how our family pronounces it).

  78. That’s not how mare pronounces it.

  79. As a German speaker, you’d say it with a long O and a glottal stop at the end, like you’d said “coke” with a frog in your throat.

  80. You could say it in ALL CAPS too.

  81. He might be related to mares hs sweetheart

  82. MJ that award will go next to the family photos on the mantle – you’re too kind

  83. Yep, Leon – when Paul’s family arrived in Texas, they said that now that they were in America, they were going to speak English. I would imagine they settled on that pronunciation precisely because it sounded American. But I could be wrong.

    My maiden name is “Hamilton” – not too many pronunciations of that….

  84. I’m surprised they didn’t anglicize the spelling along with it.

  85. They offered me a job, but it’s a big pay cut. I’m probably gonna turn it down.

  86. 3 bronzes (out of 3 entries) at the state fair for homebrews.

  87. That sucks, alex.
    Hopefully, they’ll come back with a better offer if you do turn it down.

  88. Unfortunately it was really low, compared to what I was earning before, so it’s unlikely I’d take it. I’ve got an interview tomorrow for a job in Charlottesville, but I’m not excited about it.

    I’m leaning strongly towards just being an art student for a semester while I keep looking.

  89. sorry to hear that, but you did get an offer! That’s something!

  90. It gives me hope. I still have the Charlottesville job to interview for, as well as the Portland job.

  91. Good luck, CoAlex.

  92. Congrats, J’Ames. Good job. 🙂

  93. On an unrelated note: My son i son is now walking with me six days a week. A mile and half. In October, I figure we go up to 2 miles

  94. CoAlex, Sorry the offer was subpar. Hope it works out for you

  95. you have an iSon? *runs

  96. Yep. The 1.0 version. Has some bugs. Needed an upgrade to its internal structure.

  97. This is what happens when I type after not having eaten for closing in on 68 hours

  98. 3 for 3 on your first try?????
    that sounds pretty damn good –
    Congrats Jay!!!!

  99. Bronze isn’t the best, but I’m not the worst!

    Vive le Third!

  100. I had two protein bars this morning before my interview. The rest of the day will be chai with cream. Tomorrow morning I’m going to eat steak and eggs. Just gotta hold on for another 16 hours…

  101. Protein bars is what your mom calls it, too.

  102. And the smoking gun emerges. Seems Damore is making allegations that Google is doing things that are illegal in its hiring and wages. His lawyer will not see a second in a courtroom and the hush money will be at least eight figures. No way this goes to discovery. Expecting to see him with Lisa Bloom or Gloria Allred next as they lust after their 1/3 of the settlement.

  103. I’m fasting W and F again. Probably playing catch-up on eggs and tomatoes from the garden tomorrow.

  104. Kid got his license today. First try. Bangor DMV is notorious for flunking kids. Kid before him flunked and Paula was convinced he was hosed. They were gone for a long time and when they came back he was all thumbs up. He soon found out his share of the car insurance will be $100/month.

  105. http://tinyurl.com/y9xm2l8y

  106. I had a car at 16 and unless I’m misremembering, I registered the car, got inspections and car insurance on my own and not under my parents name. Not that he has a car yet.

  107. @ Jay in Ames
    3 bronzes (out of 3 entries) at the state fair for homebrews.
    – – –

    Well done. I’m waiting for the basement to cool off so I can brew again.

  108. Congrats, Jay.

  109. Charlottesville, VA Colex?

    I’ve spent some time at UVA as a consultant, it’s a neat campus and the town was kinda cool/quaint. Middle of fucking nowhere though.

    Congrats on the bronzes Jay.

  110. Jay getting bronzed makes even me think I can brew beer.

    He needs to write a beer manifesto

  111. I visited Charlottesville last fall. I was only there for a day but my first impression is that I could live there.

  112. Of course, after living in Bumfuck for the last 31 years, lots of places look good to me.

  113. Jay!!! 3 Bronze?? You kick ass!!! Not gold ass or silver ass but it’s still ass!!!

  114. Why not four?

  115. But congratulations fer realz.

    Bring some of that shit to Carin’s.

  116. Charlottesville is only a few hours from me. If you make it out there, ID try to make a day trip to buy you lunch & a beer.

    On an unrelated note, in honor of Cochran, I just shredded a large carrot into my meatloaf mixture. Sue me – at least I don’t drink Fireball anymore!

  117. Yeah, Charlottesville, VA. There’s a big Army intel center there. I’ve heard the town is nice, but a bit crime-ridden.

    Funny story, I was actually offered a position working there back when I was a LT. I would have worked as an aide to the commander, deployed for 3-6 months at a time… awesome job. I couldn’t get my current battalion commander to agree to release me. We were a mixed composition unit, short a national guard S3, and so I was filling in until he could get someone. I was pissed.

  118. Anybody see the problem here?


  119. Was the problem that all Obama’s sons weren’t incinerated?

  120. Why not four?

    Only entered 3. Batting 1.000

  121. Fake names?

  122. 126 arrests? I’m sure racism.

  123. Destroyed stolen cars rather than their own?

  124. Their dads will be in court to proclaim their innocence and victimhood.

  125. Does anyone know MJ’s email address? Please help me out here….

  126. I think it’s muppetfister@predatorslist.cum

  127. It’s cute that you think they have dads.

  128. Comment by leoncaruthers on August 9, 2017 9:26 pm
    It’s cute that you think they have dads.

    Of course they have dads. And once they’ve either made millions playing professional sports, or been killed by a homeowner in self-defense, the loser will suddenly appear to get his cut of the money.

  129. Want to end this kind of shit? Bring back the whipping post.

  130. Racist.

  131. Dbl dot 143 dot id @ gstringy dot com

  132. Amway!

  133. Crossfit!

  134. Cult of your choice!

  135. Just finished my second ever batch of ginger ale.
    Well, ginger syrup, to be precise – I haven’t tried the recipes that call for adding yeast. I just dump in seltzer water on top of the bourbon. I really need to invest in a Sodastream.

  136. Dammit. I killed another one. I knew that I shouldve talked about braunschweiger or midget porn instead (not that the two are mutually exclusive)…

  137. It’s only mostly dead.

  138. It clearly said “to blave”

  139. These boys were on the way to a prayer breakfast when they car got all krunk an shit. It’s very sad.

  140. Thanks, MJ!

  141. Congrats J’ames! Salud!

  142. Alex,

    What’s your degree in?

  143. Quantitative economics. Lots of econometrics, and finance.

  144. Has anyone asked Thermadin the bull whip question? Why not?

  145. Where is the Oso translate for CoAlEx? Huh?

  146. My odd year life is sucking again. Cousin in hospice. Co-worker dead. Sheridan’s 26 yr old brother died “Unexpectedly” Dan and I think suicide. Can’t afford to take off work for 3 days without pay. We can, but it leaves work with no coverage. Too many vacays

  147. Oso, it means lots of statistics, economic forecasting, etc. Plus derivatives, and financial engineering. Think… hedging, futures, bonds vs stocks.

    Also, nine days left.

  148. Oso. It’s been asked and answered several times. I honestly don’t remember the answer.


    Take a look here. http://pnnl.jobs/
    Doesn’t look like there is a really good fit, but we’re always looking for good people.
    It’s a nice area, but maybe not a cosmopolitan as you would like, but in 20+ years the area hasn’t stopped growing. We do a lot of homeland security work along with a whole host of other things.

  149. Oso doesn’t math. CoAlEx sounds Mathy. Thermadin seems kind of Perry Mason with the “Asked and answered”. Did not take off glasses. Points deducted

  150. Ugh, oso. So sorry. I can barely even read that S word without getting physically sick these days. Three times in as many years recently with dear friends (TIFW knows one of which I speak).
    I just can’t….

    One more drink & I’m calling it.
    btw – homemade ginger ale is the shiznit. This batch had tangerine rind simmered in. Pretty fuckin’ good stuff. Certainly takes the edge off of cheap bourbon!

    If you’re a teetotaller, just add seltzer water, and it’s probably still better than diet dr pepper.

  151. Cheap bourbon is my spirit animal

  152. I figured you for a tequila bear

  153. Or maybe a tequila bare??

  154. Tequila does nothing for me. Smooth. Doesn’t make my clothes fall off. Type II and Bourbon? OMG. Easy like Sunday morning🎶🎶🎶😜

  155. Hello.
    Is it me you’re looking for?

  156. 🎶🎶🎶🎶

  157. We had a 3 hour power outage at work today. Fucking commie rolling brown outs. Our back up generator failed. Stop selling energy to Texas you Al Gore fellating retards

  158. Church in Texas allowed my parents to baptize Steven. My atheist dad. My parents were derelict in their Godparent duty. All of Melinda’s family is now Baptist.

  159. No-one can hide it anymore we know it’s not imagining
    Even the skeptics are unsure when they stop to think
    People are not worth their derp now they are obsolete
    We’re dying to be invaded and put the blame on something concrete

  160. mmm salted caramel greek yogurt is yummy

  161. […] The H2 has Big Boob Friday. And some Rule 5 for the ladies. […]

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