Pre-Internet Funny

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It’s hard not to take for granted all of our digital entertainment options. Even the younger Hostages haven’t had the internet as we know it all their lives. Back in HS we learned typing on ancient manual typewriters and there was a Computer Club with about 10 kids in it. Yeah, we had a rotary dial phone at my house until I was in college. Now barely  anyone has a  home phone and it seems nearly every kid has spent more time on YouTube on their phone than they have watching TV. Today we reflect on the pre-gif-era of entertainment as our ancestors experienced it. Well, not exactly since this isn’t the Hostage Weekly Magazine in your mailbox.

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Gah … enough! We live in a wonderful time. We even have colored gifs, it’s rare to see a black and white version anymore. Stop, hammer time!

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140 Comments

  1. Aw man how long has this been here

  2. I saw Harmful Alkali open for Cake-soap Rubbing back at the Agora in ’89.

    Things I learned from this poat: When pissing off a bridge, wear sturdy-soled shoes in order to avoid completing the circuit and cooking your dick.

  3. I almost never piss off bridges. Barefoot.

  4. Why did I think the guy on the bridge was Asian?

  5. I think it’s important, when pissing off bridges, to apologize as sincerely as possible.

  6. Times HAVE changed, look at the douche’s face in the Married- don’t neglect stockings deal.

  7. Don’t call your father a douche.

    Hey, whose turn is it to flip Hotspur’s mom over and catch the grubs?

    I don’t know what I’m saying.

    It’s gonna be a Hell of a day.

  8. New neighbor scraped a pile of gorgeous topsoil off his backyard while he was removing the side vegetation and shrubbery. It’s just sitting at the back of his yard near the woods.

    I’ve got half a mind to ask him if I can take a few wheelbarrow loads. Especially if he’s just going to leave that there. Would make starting my new back beds a lot easier and help take out a little slope.

  9. Coveting my neighbor’s….dirt

  10. Did you guys see this jackass yesterday? Amazing pile of horseshit.

    twitter.com/RealSaavedra/status/999388893056090112

  11. Carin, please wake up and wakey us

  12. WAKEY WAKEY

  13. I’ve been up for an hour, but I got kid runs first thing in the morning.

  14. When I piss off of bridges, I always make sure there are no power lines below.

  15. Haha, from laura’s link:

    Some of these SoyBoys need to be instantly blocked!! Ask NYers about taxing alcohol, cigarettes, and soda.. They pay more and then leave the State.. Mass Exodus from 1995 to current.. Thats why they need immigration and refugees, Federal Funds to keep the State from collapsing

    Exactly right. They drive off all the productive people, then need someone to take their place.

    Except those productive people aren’t as productive as people in other states. So they infect other places. Texas is an example. Getting bluer and bluer, immigration from CA and the East.

  16. Bloomberg used to embrace conservative principals, he’s rich!

  17. Bloomberg uses taxes to defer death (summary from the end, he endorsed it).

    The host/moderator/british chick sat going “hmmm” during his talk. She should have been saying “What?” And the seals in the audience clapping.

  18. This is what my dad was like, zip right over and talk talk talk. You can bash Trump for being an actor, bombastic, etc. But he is genuine in what you see. Nobody told him to go over and talk to the police here. He just knew where to go. If he has an alterior motive, he is executing it to a T.

  19. From the people who brought you Comet Ping Pong Pizza

    https://foreverymom.com/arts-entertainment/dog-show-movie-review-grooming/

  20. my first impression is that the movie scene review is just a bit overreaching. But then I remember that movies and tv are babysitters now, and that might actually hit home with kids.

  21. Wow, lively bunch, today!

  22. Might be overreaching, but then I remember Corey Feldman, etc.

  23. I need to go to work, but I’m shaky today. Hoping it’s just dehydration.

  24. Once you ‘put on the glasses’ you start to see all the subliminal pedo stuff in hollywood. I can’t watch Lost Boys ever again.

    Winter was bad for my little glow kid. It’s been hard to get her to want to go outside since we moved, even though her back yard is even bigger now.

  25. she just isn’t “at home” yet, leon. She’s little, you just moved. She’ll come around.

  26. The pull of the TV is strong, Jay.

  27. Take care of yourself, Romacita. Don’t push it if you feel like crap.

  28. Any plans to buy/build her a jungle gym/swing/climbing wall type thing?
    You’re the creative type – you could look at pics and then design your own.

  29. My mom and dad bought her one that’s coming in a few weeks.

  30. Got to limit TV. We had 3 channels growing up, and we were limited even then. I can’t imagine how hard that would be now, with all the options out there.

  31. She needs a job.

  32. Take a sick day, roamy. Watch TV all day, no limits!

  33. No worries, Scott, I’m going to have her haul manure to the pumpkin patch with me soon.

  34. She needs a kid-sized flamethrower. That’ll keep her occupied for at least an afternoon.

  35. That reminds me, I need to find my jar of pumpkin seeds. Just going to make a pile of compost and plant right in it and hope for the best.

  36. My mom would just lock us outside when we were kids. Thirsty? There’s a hose. She’d let us in for lunch.

  37. Pepe…. my brother??

  38. Then after lunch, it was “don’t come back in here until the streetlights come on!”

  39. Correct, Chi! Chi…my brother?

  40. I think we all grew up related. Or at least in the same neighborhood.

  41. That’s how we got good at sports. I remember playing baseball all the time, in pickup games. We didn’t need 2 a days when organized sports came along. All the injuries weren’t very bad, and other parents were allowed to help out if something was wrong. And they could discipline us, too! There was always that really strict family, too.

  42. ‘Sup, cunts?

  43. Speak for yourself. I suck at most sports.
    I was pretty good at Smear The Queer, though, and was a rockstar with my Jarts.

  44. I was only ever good at dodgeball and tumbling. I’m really good at them, though. Arms were never long enough to be great at throwing balls (yes, the power comes from lower down, but that last ‘flick’ comes between shoulder and fingertip, and length matters).

    I can dodge a wrench, though, and I can still cartwheel and somersault.

  45. ” Smear The Queer” man, haven’t heard that in ages.

  46. Wife is reading Ready Player One right now and we’ve decided it needs a literary response on the order of Lewis’s The Great Divorce.

  47. The world-building sounds so awful all it would take is a moderately internally-consistent setting and a decent storyline.

  48. I liked the book.

  49. His setting has crushing overpopulation at the same time as they’re running out of energy, and the kid powers his space heater AND his personal supercomputer with an exercise bike.

    His econ and physics fail outright.

  50. Heh, Trump canceled the NK meeting. Lil Norker got a bit too mouthy. Good call by POTUS. Before any potential meetings and negotiations the proper tone needs to be set. I think the message is clear.

    Who run Bartertown?

  51. I liked the book.

    This is why it needs a response. Lots of people did. Lots of people liked Dan Brown’s garbage too.

  52. It’s full of SJW nonsense, I agree. But at least it has an original premise.

    It’s a teen book, in my humble opinion. Rather ham handed with it’s twists and turns, and you can see them coming a mile away. Again, it’s still a good idea.

  53. Yeah, Trump isn’t going to be upstaged, is he? He knows that game.

    Unfortunately, the wrong people are going to read the wrong thing into this. We should be bowing to get Whoa Fat to the table, right?

    NOT!

  54. This CS Lewis guy seems like he was a pretty sharp cookie.

  55. It’s a teen book, in my humble opinion. Rather ham handed with it’s twists and turns, and you can see them coming a mile away. Again, it’s still a good idea.

    Exactly. It’s not high art. Its a fun book with fun references to the 80’s.

    If I critiqued every book I read, I’d never read

    I hated Dan Brown.

  56. Heh, same thing with music, eh Car in? I like the Foo Fighters, but I want to punch Dave Grohl in the face when he’s all political. But when he talks music, NICE!

  57. And I read lots of “teen” books. They’re kinda fun, and great to pick up/put down at night w/o having to pay toooo much attention when you’re falling asleep.

  58. Has CoLex commented today?

  59. Well therein lies the challenge: can I write homage that’s simultaneously a refutation of the SJW crap?

  60. Maybe teen isn’t the right word. Lower portion of the common sense scale? Lowest common denominator? Not stupid people, but not so “involved”. Right?

  61. We were just talking about Grohl yesterday on my Homme page. he’s not super popular with them, although there are a few die hard fans. He makes pop rock music (imho) – or perhaps a few steps above that. It’s not that I don’t like it, it just isn’t interesting enough for me. I do like some of their songs, but I don’t really like them enough to go to a concert.

  62. Bill Whittle does, leon, so did Breitbart. Some have the gift.

  63. I think the Foo Fighters would be a great concert.

  64. YA lit is a thing (young adult). It is basically a book that centers on characters of that age – and it can be as good or as bad as possible.

    People on the lower portion of the common sense scale don’t read.

  65. It probably would. I’m just not interested enough in their music to go.

  66. I’ve never ready Ready Player One, and really have no interest. I’m finishing up The General Theory of Employment, Interest, and Money, as well as starting up Basic Principles of Property Law. And, of course, catching up on my Bible reading.

    After I finish Keynes, I’ll start on The Worm Ouroboros.

  67. I’d be looking to guys like Whittle when it’s done. I’m tempted to reach out to John C. Wright and get some advice as well, I know his publisher would at least look at it.

  68. Any world that has bicycle-powered supercomputers, realistic VR, and all the other wiz-bang stuff, but no one has thought to harness a couple of asteroids for minerals and orbiting power plants is too much suspension of disbelief for me.

  69. You know what I’d like? A science fiction writer who could write characters decently. So many of them are so into the plot, their characters fall completely flat.

  70. Car in, that’s why I stopped reading most science fiction.

  71. Any world that has bicycle-powered supercomputers, realistic VR, and all the other wiz-bang stuff, but no one has thought to harness a couple of asteroids for minerals and orbiting power plants is too much suspension of disbelief for me.

    Exactly, and how precisely does anyone paint a future of overpopulation simultaneous with resource depletion in the first place? I could see a bit of panic and shift when things start to get pricy, but populations track largely to resource availability in the natural world, and I can’t buy for a second that realistic VR isn’t serious negative population pressure in and of itself.

  72. Looks like Morgan Freeman is the next one to be going down.

  73. Ever read any of Larry Correia’s books? I haven’t, just wondered what his characters are like, since the SciFi world seems to despise him because of his views. I would think he’d tell a story from a conservative bent.

  74. Exactly, and how precisely does anyone paint a future of overpopulation simultaneous with resource depletion in the first place? I could see a bit of panic and shift when things start to get pricy, but populations track largely to resource availability in the natural world, and I can’t buy for a second that realistic VR isn’t serious negative population pressure in and of itself.

    Futurama already pointed this out.

  75. Heh, CoLex likes practical sci fi, things you can use.

    BOOOORING!

    (not really, that shit is interesting)

  76. I think I’ve sampled /tried everyone out there. If I read a sci fi book, it’s usually in spite of the horrible characterizations.

  77. I’m starting with characters and setting. The plot comes second, has to. These people in this world have something to resolve, an adventure to undertake. Who they are and where they are is critical to what that adventure is and means.

  78. realistic VR isn’t serious negative population pressure in and of itself

    I thought that was an unmentioned message in Ready Player One. The characters didn’t know how to act in the real world, and based everything on their online personas. Certain people took advantage of that in the real world.

  79. I really liked Snow Crash as a modern sci-fi tale, very good characterization and setting. You’ll remember them long after you forget the plot.

  80. Meh, to me you can either suspend disbelief on the big stuff, or the little stuff, but not both.

    If you have an alien invasion of Earth, people better behave like people.

    Contrary to a lot of those on the right, I dislike Heinlein’s writing. His characters never made sense to me.

  81. You tell Curly Bill that I’m comin’ and and I’m brinin’ cowbell with me!

    AOS at it’s best

  82. Heinlein’s early stuff made sense, later, not so much.

  83. Much of the cyberpunk I’ve read, I’ve enjoyed.

    And yes, Heinlein had some good ones.

  84. I only read Time Enough For Love. It simultaneously converted me to pro-life and and anti-polygamy.

  85. Most currently written sci fi has characters that are simply too flat to make the book truly “good”, imho.

  86. Last sci-fi I read was Old Man’s War by Scalzi. I think it was an Instapundit recommendation a while ago. It was pretty good, I might see if it was on my Kindle versus a book book.

  87. LOVED Neuromancer.

  88. I saw Foo Fighters shortly after they formed at a small club in Boston. Avalon was on Landsdowne Street near Fenway Park. Pretty cool, they only had one album of material back then.

  89. OMW was ok.

    To Sail Beyond the Sunset had a similar effect on me as Leon. Anti-polygamy.

  90. It’s odd, because it was pretty clear that Heinlein was trying to push the “free love” thing, and wasn’t really making an effort for “pro-baby”, the characters were just welcoming a pregnancy and fearful for the safety of their unborn baby, and I’d never even considered that position.

    He managed to unsell me on his desired position, and sell me on the incidental one.

  91. I got out of sci fi so long ago that I think the last one I read was Battlefield Earth. My biggest problem with sci-fi is when humans dont behave like normal humans (the human condition) and are evolved or devoid from our normal traits. Last sci-fi anything I followed was Fire Fly.

  92. It’s odd, because it was pretty clear that Heinlein was trying to push the “free love” thing, and wasn’t really making an effort for “pro-baby”, the characters were just welcoming a pregnancy and fearful for the safety of their unborn baby, and I’d never even considered that position.

    He managed to unsell me on his desired position, and sell me on the incidental one.

    Yeah, but you really can’t be pro-free-love and pro-baby. Eventually one gives way to the other.

  93. Heh, evidently Elliot was struggling so much at the vet (getting stiches removed, from his lip biopsy) that the vet and her assistant had to employ Mrs. Jay in holding him down. He weighs 25 pounds. Hahaha

  94. […] blog of the day is The H2, with a post on pre-Internet […]

  95. We have this twatwaffle lib named Jack Lessenberry on Michigan Public Radio who does news commentary everyday. He’s a jackass.

    He resigned today over allegations of sexual misconduct.

    Good riddance., you fucking pervert.

  96. “Ever read any of Larry Correia’s books?”
    ==========

    I liked the Monster Hunter International series. Lots of fun.

    SJWs hate him because he calls them on their bullshit and gives no fucks. He occasionally fisks some SJW article and is really funny, but brutal. For example: https://tinyurl.com/yaunfxsp

  97. Oh, I know Larry’s fiskings. They are epic. Just haven’t read one of his books yet.

  98. Ded?

  99. I burned up the firebox in my $99 offset home depot smoker in two years. I think I used it as a grill twice. The main body is still pristine.
    Surprisingly, I can actually buy parts from the co. that imports them from China.
    Not so surprising? For three parts + shipping, itll cost me $60.
    I can buy the same exact smoker/grille tonight for $89 (with military discount). Tough call…

  100. Mow time. Back in 4-5 hours.

  101. Careful on the deck!

  102. Time for a new grill. Use the old one for parts or sell it to someone as vintage

  103. Meh.
    I’ll probably just patch the holes with some stainless sheet metal I have in the back garage. Get a few more years out of it. If I get industrious, I have some 1/8″ plate I can make a new firebox out of.
    Or, most likely, just buy a new one, then protect it from burning through this time.

    I was just shocked that parts were even available for a cheapo like that. Maybe a neighbor will be buying a new grill, and I can take the old one. Strip out the gas parts & make it a smoker/grill.

  104. Jay,

    Larry Correa is a good writer and you’ll like his books. Good fun. He is most famous for his Monster Hunter International series, but I liked his 3 “Hard Magic” books even more better.

    You like history so I think you’ll find it interesting, the book’s setting is post WW1, and he rewrites history with the premise that that Jack Pershing and John Browning run a squad of super powered mutants, and he weaves in and out of real history with the premise. I really enjoyed all three books.

    I’ve read all his stuff and liked it. I think he’s a bit of a blow-hard online but whatever works my dude. He goes after his critics HARD but has always been on the right side of the debate IMHO.

  105. I see free/ cheap grills in craigslist all the time, chi. Can’t hurt to look.

  106. I watched this last night, it was good:

    https://www.netflix.com/title/80106507

    Ozzy, Quiet Riot, Mandy Moore, Pink, Kiss, 5 Finger Death Punch, Alice Cooper, Metallica, Hillary Duff, Billy Joel, Night Ranger, John Cougar…some of the same musicians toured with these bands, played on their albums, this is their story.

  107. Thanks, lauraw. I keep forgetting about CL.
    I really need to create an account so I can sell or trade some of the crap I have around here. Anybody need a camper shell or a Mazda tailgate or a pair of Windstar taillighhts or a couple refurbished bicycles or…
    Every year, one or another neighbor buys a new grill. I usually take the old one, gut the old gas parts, paint it, and sell it as a pretty charcoal grill.

  108. I need to go to work, but I’m shaky today. Hoping it’s just dehydration.

    Take the day off Roamie.

    https://is.gd/x9y5lP

  109. Trying something new on the grill…burgers with the bacon MIXED RIGHT IN! Seems like a no brainer, I’ll report back.

  110. Whoops. Didn’t mean to embed, sorry.

    Along with seeming like a no-brainer it also seems like if it worked well everybody would be doing it. Perhaps it’s a no-brainer HUGE GRILL FIRE.

    AVENGE ME!

  111. Maybe next time with precooked bacon mixed in?

  112. He is most famous for his Monster Hunter International series, but I liked his 3 “Hard Magic” books even more better.

    This. I actually learned some history from the Grimnoir series, too, like the assassination attempt on FDR.

    Also “Son of the Black Sword”. I bought it on Kindle, bought a paperback copy so I could get Mr. RFH and Rocketboy to read it, bought another paperback copy for a Christmas present for a friend.

  113. Take the day off Roamie.

    https://is.gd/x9y5lP

    LOL!

    Reminds me of Moonraker.

  114. I liked Son of the Black Sword too, he kinda left things hanging though. Burgers turned our really great, the bacon in the middle didn’t crisp so they were a little chewy, but the outside crunched up super good with all the grease.

    https://is.gd/X9GYTY

    *waits for the food poisoning*

  115. https://is.gd/kJKtdy

  116. Book 2 is coming. I think if I’d known it was going to be part of a series, I’d have waited until the whole thing was published, but here we are.

    I liked Ready Player One except for the vitriol against religion. Perhaps the author is atheist or it was just part of the dystopia he was trying to set up, but I didn’t care for that. Of course, I lived through the 80’s, so the nostalgia was amusing. I didn’t have enough money back then to play many arcade games.

  117. I haven’t seen the Ready Player One movie yet.

  118. Pupster, I’m watching “Hired Guns”. I had no idea it wasn’t Ted Nugent singing “Stranglehold” (it’s Derek St. Holmes).

  119. FB friend says Halper has disappeared, another one for the Clinton list.

  120. I had no idea it wasn’t Ted Nugent singing “Stranglehold”

    Yeah, me either. I thought the documentary was really well done, but now I want to be reincarnated as Jason Hook.

    https://is.gd/Zl6pv4

  121. the bacon in the middle didn’t crisp so they were a little chewy,

    Undercooked pork. You can get worms from that, right?

    *runs away laughing in a slightly demented way*

  122. *watches pupster drag his ass across the carpet*

  123. bacon has either:
    1) already been cooked
    2) has enough chemicals pumped in to kill everything

    pups will be fine

  124. https://tinyurl.com/ydx72pxk

  125. Leon has been eating raw bacon for years

  126. Yep. Trichinosis is eradicated in the US (for the most part). You can order a rare pork chop at Outback these days. I swear.
    Name the last case you can think of – I bet it came from a family farm or a wild boar hunt.
    Store bought pork is safer than the average rotisserie chicken now.

  127. It went away when farmers quit feeding pigs other pigs, and table scraps.

  128. Oh, and as Jay noted, bacon has been salted and smoked before you ever get your paws on it. It’s cured. Think of lox. It’s ready to eat.

  129. Raw bacon has an unpleasant texture. I only drink raw eggs and occasional bites of raw beef.

  130. No sashimi, Leon? I used to drink raw eggs quite often. And oysters, and beef, and every kind of fish you can name.

    (Note : I have a job tomorrow – my buddy always takes me to lunch, my choice. I was thinking of sushi…)

  131. Bait.

  132. Silly scott, no one uses bacon as bait.

  133. Meh.
    Kinda like rhododendrons & azaleas.
    Not all sushi is raw, but all sashimi is. And it’s all still called sushi. If you’re scared, try a dragon roll or a spider roll.

  134. Silly scott, no one uses bacon as bait

    Actually, it’s awesome in a crabtrap. It’s just so much more expensive than a chicken neck.
    I think we even used to use old bacon for catfish? The stink is what attracted them probably.

  135. Bubbas has a 30/70 bacon to beef ratio on burgers. I can’t remember the 50/50burger to bacon restaurant

  136. My mom is fucking with me. Dan has my back. I will always love Dan for having my back. 28 years of Dan putting me first

  137. Good night, guys. See ya

  138. Is there a doctor in the house?
    How long is too long for your arm to be asleep/numb?

  139. If Heaven and Hell decide that they both are satisfied
    Illuminate the no’s on their vacancy signs
    If there’s no one beside you when your derp embarks
    Then I’ll follow you into the dark


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