Hello fellow humans, and welcome to Big Boob Friday.
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Your model for today was born in St. Petersburg, Russia on April 7th, 1992. She stands 5’9″, and measures 35D-25-34 and 115lbs. Please stop counter-protesting long enough to welcome, Miss Helga Lovekaty!
April 1, 2016
Categories: asshole, bacon, Baconwrappedboobbeer, Balls, BBF, bbq, Beauty Personified, Beer, Belly Button Micro Penis, Boobs, Booze, Bowler, Brazil, Breitbart, Brut, but not the good kind . . Author: Pupster
159 Comments
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The Official Sports Team of The Hostages
March 3, 2021
Our government is a giant shitball of incompetents, liars and fascist pricks.
Get TITS2 & The H2 Stuff
Flawlessly naming puppies since March 2009 
The “Big” and “Boob” gifs in the opening line are Helga also.
Bonus points for being named “Helga” have been awarded.
ww
Helga is my barn cat’s name.
Helga from the post looks like the honeytrap I was always hoping to run into back when I did secret stuff.
Sadly, I was never targeted.
This kids got great curves in the waste and hips considering the mass of her boobage. Plus she’s dark complected enough to pass for some type of Mediterranean or even a Latina. I give her five out of five of thee things 👀.
The wife finally got permission to post The Hammer. Long-lost sequel to The Gun and The Boom.
And yes, that video and the date are not a coincidence.
waist
Waste is what you’d do with your money when you wanted to impress her.
The hammer has changed my life completely.
I always fuck that up. Even when I’m not waisted.
That guy was perfect for the role, she said. Straight face on camera every moment, dying of laughter when it was off.
Work time.
Letter composed to the soccer coaches and Athletic department. I wouldn’t mind if a few of you morons edited and perhaps added zip. Who is willing/up to the task?
I’ll do it!!!!!!!!!!!!
How many times did you use the phrase, ‘kick in the nuts?’
Today’s model has is lovely. It reminds me of why i used to watch Friends back in the day.
http://is.gd/oJmafr
Do I still have your email? I have an MJ but I’m just not sure if it’s current.
dbl dot 143 dot id at GSTRING dot Com.
I think that’s what I had. It looked so odd.
Sacramento isn’t so bad. It’s location is great.
Lots of cool stuff within a 2 hour ride.
I would plan on spending your weekends at Yosemite for the next several years.
Post it and we’ll give you feed back.
I got stuff to do, but Laura is still sleeping.
Ok, it’s ON THE WAY now.
It’s looong. I’ll get a bunch of TL/DR.
I’ll post the tl/dr myself comment.
I am writing to address the situation involving my daughter Erin and the Lapeer Lightening soccer team. Erin has played soccer since she was 4, and for the last several years has played on travel teams. Many –if not most – of the local coaches are familiar with her skill level, and she has trained with a variety of them. As you are aware, last month the new coach held soccer tryouts in a GYM – which is akin to holding swim team tryouts in a baby-pool. During tryouts, my daughter specifically mentioned that the coach never even looked at her (which he later admitted – saying that “he hadn’t heard of her”) and that during her skills display he actually closed his notebook and looked away. Despite this, he assigned girls to various teams and my daughter was put on the lowest team available- basically a “freshman” team, made up of many girls who had barely ever played the game- and certainly not at her level.
We were told that the coach admitted that some girls would be placed on the wrong team and that adjustments would be made. This apparently is an exaggeration (to the point of being a lie).
It is evident that Erin is to remain on the roaster for the “B” team and, assumedly, expected to play all their games – even taking a turn as a goalie (which she hasn’t done since she played on a rec team years ago). She was told that she could “play up” but since she will not be on that other team officially, I understand that her minutes on the field will be limited.
I have watched, and heard, about the JV practices, and they are very disappointing. One practice consisted of a single lap around the field, and then beginner soccer drills. The varsity team had a more complete practice, and it is obvious to anyone watching that no one from the JV team is being trained or conditioned to move up. Now or in the future, to be honest.
The varsity coach took my daughter aside on March 31 and lectured her about how he “didn’t like quitters”, and it was then that he admitted what she and I already knew (that he hadn’t watched her during tryouts). He claims that he is “watching her now” but there is no chance she will move up.
I personally doubt he is watching anything, because he didn’t watch the JV scrimmage against Oxford (which is actually rather shocking) , and he didn’t pay attention to the JV during their practice when I was in attendance.
In addition, he told my daughter that the JV coaches were very good and she would learn and advance on that team. I completely disagree. I have watched my daughter stand around during soccer practice doing nothing. The drills are beginner/rec soccer level. The fitness/conditioning she receives is a joke. It is not worth it for her to spend 90-minutes a day, standing around basically doing nothing. It is detrimental.
My daughter is not a “quitter” as the varsity coach would like to label her action if she dropped from the team. Quitting, to me, would be to remain on that team where she would stagnate both physically (due to the lack of any rigorous conditioning) and skills-wise.
The current situation is unacceptable. My daughter did not quit. The coach did – on her – when he didn’t properly evaluate her ability and then stuck her on a team so beneath her level that she was humiliated and broken hearted. I will not allow my daughter to be a casualty of the growth curve (or merely lack of concern) of the current Lapeer soccer program.
I’ll do it. …….But only if I get to start with “Dear Incompetent Fucks”,…….
I didn’t mentioned the lecture she got from the coach yesterday. WHich was basically the last FUCKING straw for me.
Alexander.b.moon
Thong mail
[adds terrribly T’s edit]
OK, I’m hiding here while I see if the prank post I left at the HQ actually gets a reaction…
Brother C – we don’t have time for your tom-foolery. Now go help edit my letter.
I’ve already eliminated the second “doing nothing” in that one paragraph.
I need to fiddle with that portion. Basically I’m trying to say it’s a complete fucking waste of her time.
Now how in the hell did I put up a blank comment? I meant it to say “whipcrack” in response to Car in admonishing Brother C….
So far it’s disappointing. I need to up my game I think.
[i]Now go help edit my letter.[/i]
Maaaaaan, you do NOT want me writing your “you suck” letter for you.
Going to take a while to filter out my Pixycode reflexes. Hrmph.
I’d reorganize the letter. Start out by discussing how the coach is grossly mismanaging the team. Then move into specific examples of his poorly run tryouts, poor placement of players, useless practices, and then his attitude towards the players. While you should mention your daughter’s treatment, focus on how this mismanagement impacts the team as a whole.
I’m worried that I’d try to come off as some expert in soccer – which I’m not. If I began the letter saying his grossly mismanaging the team, I’d come off as sour grapes/etc. THAT is for someone else to say – the ex-coaches/other coaches in town.
I wanted to be very specific rather than give my opinion /view of the varsity coach’s ability. To “show” rather than tell that he sucks. That is why left that kind of thing off.
If crackfat doesn’t have a pole saw exercise station it should.
Carin I’d probably delete the part where you ask the AD how many bullwhips she has stuffed up her ass RIGHT NOW. But Thats just me.
The problem is that if you come across as just complaining about how your daughter was treated, they’ll dismiss you as just another overinvolved parent upset that her precious snowflake didn’t do better.
Honestly, I suspect that there is more to this whole mess than the school is letting on. That they couldn’t find someone better qualified suggests either a lot of dysfunction in the athletics department, or some serious corruption /nepotism.
I thought that was teh best part?
I’m actually being serious now. If the boys program has certified coaches and the girls program has overgrown stoners who lack certification for coaching, I’d throw some title IX language in there. Nothing will make them fix it quicker than the threat of a visit from the OCR of the DoED.
Nice job, Pups!
CoAl – I am trying to tempter this – which is funny because it was teh over-involved parents who were at all the tryouts pointing out their kids that got their kids noticed.
I also am going to hand this letter over when I’ve made the decision (to quit) and not as some sort of threat. It’s an explanatory letter. And given that the AD (and the coaches) have been told by MANY people that the decision was a bad one – I don’t think I’ll come across as a “special snowflake” parent. I’m merely explaining that I’m not willing to sacrifice MY child to their horrible decision. THAT last bit is what I’m really going for. It would be a HUGE detriment for her to remain on this team.
The legal angle is being approach by someone else – who was passed over for the job despite being credentialed and licensed.
Lightning
That’s all you got hotspurt?
It’s a good letter. I wouldn’t change it.
THanks 🙂
Who, I”m shocked. The guy from Chicao who shot and killed that cop was black. Let’s go riot.
Now or in the future , to be honest – is a sentence fragment – I think. I’ll monkey around with it later if you want. Using my phone to do much is painful. It looks pretty good on first pass
semicolon?
Nope. It’s better as a fragment. And THAT’S OK. Here and now.
I have watched, and heard, about the JV practices
I have heard about and watched the JV practices
As you are aware, last month the new coach held soccer tryouts in a GYM – which is akin to holding swim team tryouts in a baby-pool.
…the new coach held soccer tryouts in a gym, which is a completely inadequate venue for a field sport.
The varsity team had a more complete practice, and it is obvious to anyone watching that no one from the JV team is being trained or conditioned to move up. Now or in the future, to be honest.
The varsity team had a rigorous and complete practice. It is obvious to all observers that no one from the JV team is being trained or conditioned properly. Without real coaching the kids on this team will not be able to move up, period.
(I like your ‘now and in the future’ formulation but sometimes you have to drop a phrase you like in favor of the mission goal. I thought ‘period’ had more weight and finality, and framed your reason for leaving better, since this is an exit letter)
And it also takes another opportunity to shit on the coach.
Hey principal guy, your coach sucks.
Fin
The part where you describe how the coach spoke to your daughter is awesome. If I were anybody with a degree on teaching/ caring for/ administering to children, that part alone would let me know I had an uneducated nincompoop on my hands.
On many teams, especially football (but I’ve seen it in soccer too), a player may “challenge” for the right to start at a position. I love this because it’s a one on one and VERY difficult to dispute who came out on top.
I would request an option to do that based on (depending on whether she is offense or defense) shots on goal, stealing the ball, turning, lateral moves, throw ins, etc..
If they don’t have that option ask why not? It’s fair and demonstrates who should or should not be starting or on varsity.
Also, this proves she “earned” her spot on varsity not argued or begged her way on.
Also, coaches are dicks with shitty egos and since you’ve already pissed them off questioning their stupid player evaluations (trust me they’ve already labeled you a trouble maker) go all the way. Why not? They’re assholes and I think on principle how can she move up to varsity next year without making them look stupid, which, of course, they are.
On many teams, especially football (but I’ve seen it in soccer too), a player may “challenge” for the right to start at a position.
That’s when they play the star trek fight music, right?
“Hello Alexander,
Congratulations! I am pleased to inform you that you have been admitted to the MS in Quantitative Economics program at California Lutheran University. You will receive a formal letter in the mail shortly.”
This whole ordeal would be easier if you were black.
Can you play the gay, single mother card?
http://imgur.com/gallery/IF31DPx
[cyn wit teh stealthy edit]
cropdusted!
WooHoo!!! Congrats CoAl. Hope it wasn’t dated April 1st.
Oh, hot damn, Puppeh!
Nice work, GlobeAlex!
Quantitative Economics
Measuring Quantities of Econ?
(*congrats on the admission!)
Thanks Lauraw – excellent suggestions all!
Pat has mentioned challenging someone but I am unaware that they have such a policy in place.
Daily Wire endorses Trump
Worth a read.
Measuring Quantities of Econ?
Economics with a heavy focus on econometrics and statistics and math.
Pat has mentioned challenging someone but I am unaware that they have such a policy in place.
He actually meant that he’s going to challenge the coach to a duel to the death.
Your Mom
You might tighten up some of the syntax here and there, and I would also add something about how “the coaches arrive unprepared, with no kind of plan to teach” or even “…the JV practice is so disorganized as to be useless as a learning opportunity for the team…”
Something like that, as a way for you to underscore your overall message that the kids are wasting their time, and aren’t learning anything or developing their skills.
Educators at the top of the heap do not like to hear that employees are slacking and phoning it in. Make more direct criticisms of the coach’s job performance, that do not involve your child alone.
I like LauraW’s suggestions. Basically I’d recommend something like:
“I have decided with withdraw Erin from your soccer program. After discussions with my daughter, other parents, and observations of practices, I feel that allowing her to continue would be harmful to her development as a player. Coach Douchebag has demonstrated a lack of ability to assess players and assign them to the appropriate team, to train players and develop their skills, and when an inability to acknowledge his mistakes and correct them.
“Erin has played soccer for X years. During that time she has played for a variety of regional and travel teams, and has started on many of them in the past Y years. She is respected by her former coaches as well as her fellow players. We were therefor stunned to learn that she was assigned to the JV B (essentially Freshman) team. I was angered to learn that Coach douchebag held tryouts in the gym, a location wholly unsuitable for a field sport, and that by his own admission he chose not to observe Erin’s performance during those tryouts.
“I hoped that this situation would be quickly corrected, but instead Coach Douchebag has made it clear that Erin will not be moved to a more suitable position. She will remain with the JV B squad, where her skills far exceed those of other players. Such a situation will only harm Erin, as she lacks the challenges necessary to develop her skills. This is compounded by the distressingly disorganized practices that I observed on DAYS A,B,C… During those practices the girls on the JV squads conducted almost no physical conditioning, and their drills were limited to the most basic skills development. Much of their time was spend standing around, while the coaches seemed uninterested or incapable of deciding what to do next. It is apparent that no one on the JV team is being trained or conditioned to move up.
“Finally, coach Douchebag’s temperment is unsuited for his position. He has belittled Erin for voicing her concerns, and has made it clear that he is unwilling to change any of his decisions despite evidence that he has made a mistake. He has admitted that girls were placed on the wrong team and that adjustments would be made, but it is clear that this is an exaggeration to the point of being an outright lie. He admitted to my daughter on March 31 that he did not observe her during tryouts, and while he claims that he is watching her now, there is no chance that she will move up during this season. Furthermore, he has demonstrated little or no interest in the JV girls. He has paid no attention to their practices, nor did he even attend the scrimmage on DATE against Oxford. This behavior from the head of the Girls’ Soccer program is unacceptable.
“Soccer is a critical part of Erin’s life. It is something that she has a passion for, that she has developed skills for, and which defines much of her social life. She left homeschooling for public school precisely so she could remain on a team with girls she knew. Instead, she has been publically humiliated. I will not allow my daughter to become a casualty of the growth curve of the current Lapeer soccer program. The program is obviously going through a period of adjustment, and while I hope that he can one day flourish, in its current state it will provide nothing but pain and heart-ache for my daughter and girls like her. So instead I have pulled her from the program and demand a complete refund of money paid.”
I hate all of Colorado Alex’s editorial choices and I move that we should throw him into a volcano as soon as is practical.
I have a week to work on this. Plenty of time . I just one to make sure I don’t come across as a mom to a special snowflake .
Worky worky
Yeah, me too. Have a great weekend, Hostages!
Congrats, Alex!
If this article doesn’t make you puke, nothing will:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3519583/Peace-fools-Obama-plays-clown-flashing-peace-sign-nuclear-security-summit-team-photo-gets-unimpressed-looks-bemused-world-leaders.html
Mare,
He’s gonna show up at the next conference in Bermuda shorts and a print shirt. He’s President Gives-No-Fucks.
I hate all of Colorado Alex’s editorial choices and I move that we should throw him into a volcano as soon as is practical.
All gifts are welcome by Aranaktu!
Also, if you look at the pics in the article, tell me Obama isn’t toasted. Sheeesh,
Yall remember in about ’03 or ’04 when a bunch of leftist cunts were writing letters to European newspapers apologizing on behalf of America for electing that cowboy Bush? wonder what those cunts are doing these days.
I know cunt is an extremely derogatory term but I’m not using it here to describe females. Rather I’m using it to describe oxygen thieves of either gender. And cunt is the best fit for them I can find.
Lurve me some Perry Bible Fellowship cartoons Alex
Got a new never-flat tire for the wheelbarrow. I’ll let you know how that works out. I know you’re all interested as all git out.
I am a fan of Slime Tire Sealant for stuff like that.
It added years of life to my riding lawn mower tires.
I punctured the last one on a sapling stump. NEVER AGAIN.
Should I make a pizza or just have a cocktail and go to bed early?
PBF is great.
Good evening citizens!
Taxes are paid (F/U Big Gov’t), expense reports filed, new shotgun has been assembled and is ready to blow the shit out of some clays tomorrow.
A good day. Now have nothing to do until the London trip on Sunday.
May work on a poat for tomorrow am.
Leon, is ‘all of the above’ an option?
Alcohol will only make the carb coma better.
It’s a non-carb pizza, phat. Crust is made from mozzarella and almond flour. It’s good enough that my carb-addict wife will eat it, even.
“All” is definitely an option, but probably not great for my mostly-sedentary waistline.
Eat the pizza, drink the cocktail, get some cardio in with the wife.
House is sold and I’ll get the check next week. I’m thinking that I’ll have a canoe accident fairly soon. Any suggestions on what I should tragically lose?
Gonna go swap the wheel and feed the horses now. Tree guy is supposed to drop by and pick up the remainder of his fee.
Eat the pizza, drink the cocktail, get some cardio in with the wife.
No cardio anytime soon unless it’s a literal walk in the park. She had some surgery recently to correct some scarring from the birth, so it’s going to be a while. Cocktail and pizza it is.
Any suggestions on what I should tragically lose?
Probably the UZI and that book on building robots to replace fast-food workers.
Whataya got?
Oh, and congrats on the house and the education thing.
Evening.
They’re trying to kill me with pigs. I spent all week wrestling big pigs at Big Farm. I thought I would get a break today at Baby Farm, but no. The culls did not want to go on the truck today. I had to wheelbarrow some of them up the ramp.
I liked this poat and then unliked it so I could like it again.
By “wheelbarrel” do you mean by grabbing their back legs, or by actually putting in a wheelbarrel?
You keep “liking” it too much and you’ll go blind.
I’ll just keep doing it until I need a stronger prescription for my glasses.
New wheel appears to be a success. Now, time to wash up and then drink and cook.
So, since it looks like I might be stuck at F*rd for a while, I decided to start planning my side bidness/retirement project.
Crust in oven, gin and ginger ale in mason jar (no hipster), life is good.
Hey Leon,
Have you poated that pizza recipe? Why the hell not?
Also, thank you all for your kind words about Helga, we’ve exchanged emails and I only need to send enough for her airfare to America and some traveling cash, and she promised to make it worth my while.
Hey Sean,
Are you familiar with or did you listen to the musical selection?
She will plant for you many, many fine turnips.
Not yet, pups. I’ma go listen now.
I think I poated it. I’ll check and write it up if not. I can make it from memory at this point. Super good.
Ugh. Dan had to go across town to explain to MiL AGAIN why she can’t go home. SiL lives 1/4 mile away. Drives by MiL 2 times a day. “Too busy” to stop by. Grrrrr I knew we should have moved her next to us.
Hash Bash is tomorrow, Leon. Wanna meat up? Festifools too.
Doesn’t look like I poated it, just linked it in a comment. I’ll write it up either later tonight or first thing tomorrow.
Listened to it, Puppeh. Not really my cup of tea. The Alt-Rock thing was never a style I could get into.
http://is.gd/jvwLPe
I don’t smoke da ganja, and I’ve gotta speak at the pulpit tomorrow after the vigil mass. Otherwise I’d be down for a visit.
Ha Pupster!
“All gifts are welcome by Aranaktu!”
haha
“Any suggestions on what I should tragically lose?”
http://tinyurl.com/zjql3dp
Rookie mistake
http://is.gd/NUp086
haha-
20 years from now he’ll be at a bar somewhere saying:
:i coulda ben a contendah for gif of the week …. PAN OUT !!!! damn lens!!!!
http://is.gd/4wlVIk
One of your neighbors, XBrad?
http://tinyurl.com/heedtw6
He’d hit that.
We named the station wagon Helga.
Friday night music thread? OK. Here’s one that Carin would find too light and pop-music-y.
youtu.be/yPNFVj-pISU
“music”
I bet they don’t sell that at Wiser’s store.
If I were going to get into metal, White Zombie would be my gateway drug. I just love them.
You might like this, laura.
https://youtu.be/1zNG63rf9LQ
Also pretty good:
https://youtu.be/zfNHX5k9N-A
Man, it snows in April here almost every year and people are surprised and horrified every damn time. I don’t get it. Mass amnesia.
That first one is kind of too slow and depressing somehow, Sean. I like the second one much better.
Actually, Roamy, yeah, within a couple miles. I have a pretty good idea where she lives.
Going in a completely different musical direction, this guy is amazing and he has a new album out. Make sure to ask wiser to carry it at the music store!
https://youtu.be/xi49yirJiEA
Woke up to snow and rain. Sunny by afternoon. My allergies are on overdrive. Lost my voice twice. Coughed up a lung.
We should designate a day for music poatse. Sunday Songs? Thorsday Tunes?
http://tinyurl.com/hjp4ol7
Phone is dying. Work in the AM. G’night guys.
Did anybody wish they had asked anybody else what was in the bag before they started huffing out of it today?
I’m rapidly approaching bedtime.
Tomorrow have to hit the gym, go shoot the new shotgun (guarantee that at least 50% of the clay pigeons will survive), take the youngest phatspawn to the county courthouse for a ‘mock jury ‘school project, and then pack for London. It’s a 3 day trip, but only one layover for 25 hrs. Should be quick, but Heathrow has the same rules for liquids that apply both to passengers and crewmembers. Luckily I now have a ‘London bag’ that I swap out out when I fly there.
Not that I’m actually flying. I’m the ‘bunkie’ on this flight. The flight is long enough that we have three pilots. I’m the third pilot.
As soon as we pass 10,000′ I head back to my first class, lay flat seat and sleep for 2 hours. Then I sit in the seat for a few hours while the other 2 pilots take their breaks. Basically I get paid to talk on the radio across the North Atlantic. It’s a good gig.
After that I’ve got 10 days off and life will continue to be excellent.
Saturday or Sunday Songs sounds good. Leave Thorsday for Jimbro.
Phat:
That is insanely accurate and I will raise you:
Living the Dream Part II:
Well, I watched that as well, of course. That’s probably the 20th time I’ve watched it.
I have no idea who does these. But he is spot on.
OK, I’m done with your west coast tomfoolery and off to bed.
Just be glad we didn’t get into any dickfoolery or harryfoolery.
I engaged in some hairyfoolery back in the 80s, but it was just OFB, but of course, back then it was just FB.
Damon’s expectoration repulsed Paulina.