[saucy teaser dude here]

[very naughty video here]

[i think i could teach him something guy here]

[damn i think he could teach me something guy here]

[yes i know and i don’t care guy here]

[naked wear-me-out guy here]



  1. I completely understand the point of this post.

  2. Wakey wakey

  3. Bout time someone woke up.

    Now it’s time to get to work. These programs aren’t gonna convert themselves!

    I hit a new weight loss number, and I’m pretty damn happy about it. Had to skip the last couple of workouts because of work, too (project due time). Whatever it takes. On to the next 10 pounds, and the next goal!

  4. Heh, they covered only the second part of this on the network news this morning:


    You’d think Ed Henry never asked anything. It probably was pretty rude, but what are you supposed to do when the candidate won’t answer questions. She didn’t take any questions last time she was here.

  5. Carin, I heard back from the mushroom people. What do you want me to get for you on Saturday? They said if I sent an order they’d make sure they had it at the booth.

  6. Nice video, Cyn.

  7. Per the calories-in/calories-out theory of weight loss, I should be losing 1-1.5# a week by my tracking. Instead I fluctuate between 179 and 184.

    OTOH my waist is down 5″ since April.

  8. I think these guys are better looking than the guys on Monday. Gayer maybe but let’s not get technical.

  9. Darnit, Carin’s probably not near the site because her internet is (weed) whacked.

    I should call her.

  10. Sumbitch, I never put her into my phone.

  11. I think these guys are better looking than the guys on Monday. Gayer maybe but let’s not get technical.

    Definitely. Smaller oui ouis perhaps, but almost certainly better at cooking, cleaning, & sundry forms of sodomy.

  12. Comment by leoncaruthers on May 20, 2015 8:56 am

    Sumbitch, I never put her into my phone.
    She probably wouldn’t answer anyway.

  13. I could text her, she prefers that.

    So do I, honestly.

  14. Yes, tell me more Leon. I know I want models. How do the others work?

  15. Morels. Kindle keeps “fixing”

  16. The plug spawn are basically small rods that you stuff into fresh logs that you “plant” vertically, or into fresh stumps. You do that by drilling a bunch of holes.


  17. I will likely have to cut some trees down anyhow, but I’m sad that I won’t be able to use a bunch of logs I cut last year. They are already infested in places with non-edible fungus, and it will be tough for a new species to compete.

  18. I’m eating some chicken of the woods right now. It’s aptly named.

  19. Jay, congratulations!! That’s a good feeling.

    BTW I made extra thick greek yogurt yesterday and it only took five hours to get really firm. Maybe you didn’t use enough inoculant load?

    Your whore mouths, SHUT.


  20. If firmness persists for more than 4 hours, consult a physician.

    Also congrats, Jay, I am a jerk and didn’t say anything positive about your achievement.

  21. Huh. Didn’t know Scott was greek.

  22. Big congrats Jay. I hopped on the scale two sundays ago and freaked out. Flirting right with 200lbs. At 5’10”, that’s no bueno.

    So I started dieting. In the first two weeks I lost 6.5lbs. Which I was ecstatic over. Now my inlaws are in town and my father in law is cooking up a storm. Which is great…unless you’re on a diet. The hope is to not gain any back while they are here. If I could drop another pound or two during that time, sweet.

  23. Intermittent fasting, Bcock. Holidays and family time = 1 meal a day for me.

  24. Intermittent fisting would prolly burn some carbs too.

  25. *gasps, clutches pearls*

    Yeah? Does that really help with weight loss…?

  26. Only if done… vigorously.

  27. Thanks! I wasn’t fishing for compliments, as I have a ways to go. I was just happy for myself, and thought I would share.

    Now when I get to the final goal, then you might be subject to gloating of an unprecedented level. Be warned! (You have a while to prepare, so don’t worry your pretty little heads too much).

  28. Jay, well done!

    How much have you lost in total to date?

    I’m always looking for inspiration.

  29. 40 lbs. mare.

  30. 40 pounds? Wow!
    Way to go, Jay.

  31. Jay, we’re going to need photographic proof.

  32. Jay, that’s fantastic! Holy crap, you’re my new idol.

  33. *kicks cheeseburger behind sofa*

  34. *crams fries between sofa cushions*


  36. No worries, I enjoy sofa shaming.

  37. Sofa Kingdom.

  38. **snags burger from behind the sofa**


    Don’t fucking judge.

  39. No sofa, no peace!

  40. Intermittent fisting would prolly burn some carbs too.


  41. Good job, Jay. You’re wardrobe could use an update, I’m guessing.

  42. Intermittent fisting would prolly burn some carbs too.

    No wonder Dan Savage is so thin.

  43. Wow, 40 pounds, that’s fantastic. Congrats!

  44. Assuming I don’t balloon between now and July 19, that will mark 4 years of maintaining 50# down from my peak.

  45. I need to drop my froshman 15. either way. There are no scouts in the stands for me. I have been w the same punch for 24 years.


  46. At least you aren’t a cop.

  47. I SAID 15!

  48. 15 stone?

  49. Leon, you are going to have a bay bay soon. When is the due date, again?

  50. July 16. I don’t eat in stress anymore, so I’m not worried about weight gain. I dread losing my gainz.

  51. That’s still a ways off. You won’t stress anymore but the sleep dep is a thing. Just learn to own 2AM to 630 so your lady can rest well.

  52. Sleep is a huge worry for me. I’m a light sleeper and need it dark and cool.

    Planning to get a cot for my office so I can nap when I need to.

  53. My little sister had twins about a year ago and only just started getting sleep a month or two ago. The experience pretty much wrung her out to the bone. But now she reports that life is awesome.

  54. Just ordered the cot. Thanks for the reminder.

  55. a separate bed is a life saver for mom. I would collect the luggage around 2A and if all went well then I would nap w baby and work on the computer til 6A at which time I would crash until 11 and then get some things done before din. It takes a while but that phase doesn’t last too long. about 4 or 5 mo. It is worth that effort to keep your lady sane as she will be providing many more hours of nurturing than that.

    Good luck, buddy.

  56. I don’t sleep in now.

  57. Heh.

  58. Between the horses, chickens, cats, and dogs, I’m used to eating last.

  59. Kids aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.

  60. Well I’m stuck with this one. Gotta make the best of it.

  61. As long as you don’t become a helicopter parent, or don’t let your wife become one, I won’t have to kick your ass.

  62. No intention of it.

  63. The best way to not become a HP is to have another one right away.

  64. ^^
    Twins, if you can swing it

    Maybe triplets even

  65. Surge, we’re never using BC again, the question is whether we’ll have to adjust her cycle to have another.

  66. You’ll be lucky to get within 3 feet of “her cycle” for 6 months or so.

  67. I’m used to the abstinence at this point.

    Honestly, she’s 33. I think at best we can realistically hope to have one, maybe two more kids if we’re lucky.

  68. Comment by some random guy on May 20, 2015 2:26 pm
    You’ll be lucky to get within 3 feet of “her cycle” for 6 months or so.


    hahahaha….SRG, you have 3 kids?

  69. I really, really wish we’d started when we first married ten years ago. We tried for 3 years to get #1.

  70. Pffffttt….. It’s not that hard to figure out.

  71. Best way to adjust the wife’s cycle is to get a hot au pair.

  72. Nope, 2 teenaged boys.

  73. Listen to Laura.

  74. Or an au pair.

  75. *subscribes to Laura’s newsletter*
    *hopes it has hot au pair pictorials*

  76. I have considered hiring a friend of hers to do in-home child care as an alternative to day care. She’s decently attractive.

    We still haven’t decided what we’re doing there. She really wants to keep working, but that’s now. She might hate going back in September.

  77. Pro tip: DO NOT date or in any way engage a girl who drags a mattress around.

  78. I heard girls who drag mattresses around are into anal, though.

  79. There will be no photographic proof, yet. I have a ways to go. Hardly noticeable right now.


  80. That one was, the proof were in her idiotic texts. She’s a walking nightmare to any guy.

  81. Well, they are before they drag that mattress around. Afterwards…

  82. Is an au pair a set of Australian twins? I’ll sign up.

  83. I find it hard to believe (and somewhat sad) that a college male would have to resort to crazy in order to get laid. Based on the skanks in my dorm (it went from all girls to the over 21) they would sleep with anyone.

    I seriously would need to curb my eye rolling while listening to these gals talk about how hard it was to find a good guy and why are guys such jerks.

  84. Being a college male at some point, we didn’t take psychological profiles at the pub before interviews of said takeout.

  85. Yeah, like mattress girl “I’ll do anal on our first date” was not giving off crazy signals from the get go.

    Men are not this stupid, I believe most of you know the ones who are going to be trouble but chose to overlook that for the nookie.

  86. Am I the only one who watched Fatal Attraction and knew by her skank behavior that gal was going to be cray cray?

  87. Is an au pair a set of Australian twins?


  88. I saw the previews, that set of my crazy-dar

  89. Of course, most guys are jerks.

  90. Most men put their dick in crazy at least once. That’s why we tell each other not to do it. Unfortunately, this is what usually happens:

    Guy: “She’s hot, but seems a little off.”
    Dick: “I want in there.”
    Guy: “You’re an idiot. That’s bound to end badly.”
    Dick: “Sure, sure, but in the mean time, I’d be in there instead of losing wrestling matches while you look at ‘Maxim’.”
    Guy: “That’s safer than anything that’s gonna happen if I let her touch you, brainless.”
    Dick: “I submit to you exhibit A: her ass, and exhibit T: her tittays.”
    Guy: “Your argument is compelling.”
    Dick: “YOLO”
    Guy: “{sigh} YOLO”

  91. hahahaha…Yes, I think Leon nailed that one (so to speak).

    A normal woman, when confronted by a guy at a bar who says to you, “Hey you’re hot, what would it take for you to sit on my face?” You’re not dealing with a keeper.

  92. This is kind of cool. Almost dead-on when I put in my numbers.


  93. I do not think most men are jerks. I think men like sex which is nice and all but they don’t always have to have it with you (unless you’re married, then I advocate saying yes as often as you can).

  94. Lifelike Lucy Liu sexbots will solve the dick-in-crazy problem.

  95. Though I wonder what will thereafter solve the dick-in-robot problem.

  96. Comment by leoncaruthers on May 20, 2015 4:03 pm
    Though I wonder what will thereafter solve the dick-in-robot problem.



    I can’t open your body visualizer link. Stupid mac

  97. Paul Rand is filibustering.

    I’d hit it.

  98. Lifelike Lucy Liu sexbots will solve the dick-in-crazy problem.

    Not seeing a downside to dick-in-robot here.

  99. I’m not sticking my dick in something with moving mechanical parts.

  100. Comment by mare on May 20, 2015 3:53 pm

    … (unless you’re married, then I advocate saying yes as often as you can).
    Subscribes to Mare’s newsletter.

  101. Comment by Hotspur on May 20, 2015 4:49 pm

    I’m not sticking my dick in something with moving mechanical parts……..again…… (FIXT)

  102. Oh, c’mon, if you’ve never banged a ’76 Vega, you don’t know what you’re missing.

  103. If you spray a mosquito with Fantastic it dies in about 4 seconds.

    Beats splattering a blood filled skeeter on the wall.

  104. Too many words in Chelsea Clinton’t book title. I suggest she shorten it to “Vapid”.

  105. Chelsea Clinton is really hot.

  106. I was reeeeeeeeeeeeeeally tired of the Kennedy royalty bullshit. A scummier family overall I’ve never seen. It’s getting old fast with the Clintons and God help me if they start in on those Obama kids.

  107. Reason # 234,890 that Hillary! will lose:

    You’d have to believe that Bill has not had sex with anyone but Hillary in the past 7 years.

    Someone is going to find the proof and splash it around. It’s a digital world.

  108. And I don’t care what it costs I’m willing to pay anything to read Chelsea F’ing Clinton’s thoughts about climate change in a children’s book.

  109. Imagine the sounds Hillary makes having sex. Or that thing her species does to procreate.

  110. You know it’s bad when it’s being leaked that Chelsea has been a bitch to people within the Clinton Foundation.

    (From Ace’s sidebar.)

  111. Afternoon.

  112. Today I loaded one thousand piggies onto a truck.

  113. This little piggy went to market.

    Pretty cruel thing to teach little kids.

  114. http://is.gd/9MKBX5

  115. I think most of them were breeders. They’re going to grow up at another farm and squirt out oodles of babies.

  116. Men are not this stupid,

    Yes we are.


  117. Hey, Jew.

  118. Hi Mare. You’re looking very svelte today.

  119. http://is.gd/hNYhuu

  120. For supper tonight I’m making pork chops, (pork) chorizo and eggs, and hashbrowns. Anybody want some?

  121. Jewstin moves on to cats cleaning:


  122. Yes, but I can’t have the hashbrowns. I’m watching that part of my body that use to be a waist.

  123. Pretty sure this will be my before and after:


  124. You can have hashbrowns, it’s a vegetable.

  125. I saw a huge woman at the grocery store driving one of those carts.

    I ran into her in the meat dept, so she had to have passed through produce section, the bakery, seafood, and the deli dept. All she had in her cart was donuts.

  126. I’d eat that dinner, but I already made a pizza.

  127. Next time I handle jalapenos I am going to be wearing gloves.

    Today I learned about rubbing your eyes.

  128. I haz a moral conundrum.

    A number of years back, I laid down a laminate wood floor in my basement. Over the years, with the expanding and contracting, a couple of boards had shifted, leaving a gap between the edge and the tile to which they abut.

    I finally broke down this weekend and bought the tool that is specially designed for shifting those boards into place without lifting the entire floor up from Home Depot. It is really useless for any other purpose.

    The gaps are now gone and I have a tool that will probably never use again. It’s a little scuffed from the rubber hammer I used with it.

    Question: should I return it and get my money back? I know that other people would do that, but it just feels scummy…..

  129. It is.

  130. Imagine the sounds Hillary makes having sex. Or that thing her species does to procreate.

    It sounds like a braying jackass.

    I still think that the leaks are orchestrated by the Obamas. They don’t want Hillary! to be his successor.

  131. “I have a tool that will probably never use again.”

    They make drug for that.

  132. >>>>Today I learned about rubbing your eyes.

    I did that once. Actually got a blister on my eyeball

  133. Scott can sell it at auction for a 20% fee.

  134. I couldn’t do it.

    Lot’s of other people have no problem with it.

  135. >>>It is.

    That’s helpful. Thanks.

  136. I sometimes buy more parts than i use, like when I’m running electricity and never return the extra parts, even though they were never used. Hell, never even taken out of the package…..

  137. Keep the tool, attach a note, sell it with the house.

  138. >>>>Keep the tool, attach a note, sell it with the house.

    Raise the price of the house by the price of the tool

  139. Put it in a safety deposit box, and then put the box in your will. I bet one of your in-laws would be super excited to get an inheritance.

  140. You should return it to Oso.

  141. MJ. Keep it or sell it yourself.

  142. Well obviously you include it in the price of the house.

  143. Unopened packages of parts, fair to return. Used tool? Only a tool would do that.

  144. Or like Leon said, if you sell the place the next owners may have use of it because you did such a shitty job installing….just kidding.

  145. Can it be used as a muddler?

  146. Wiser, how much did the tool cost?

  147. HA! I thought it was MJ.

  148. They will take it back.

    They will also have their IT people disable your water heater, and possibly your furnace depending on their mood.

  149. It was $11.

    And perhaps someone else can use it….

  150. Oh, I’m sure they’ll take it back.

    And I honestly used it for maybe 5 minutes. And it will now sit in my garage, going unused for eternity.

  151. Evening Hostages

  152. >>>>bet one of your in-laws would be super excited to get an inheritance.

    Oh, I’ve already freeze-dried the inheritance I plan to leave for some of my in-laws….

  153. Wharton, fat boy?

  154. If you were creative you could think up another use for it.

    New ban hammer?

  155. How many pull bars do you have shoved up your ass?

  156. It was $11.

    In other words, the time you’ve spent agonizing about it is worth more than the price of the tool.

  157. I used to cringe when I saw snakes getting returned because “they were only used for a few minutes.”

    So gross. Those are the people that come down with ebola.

  158. >>>New ban hammer?


    the time you’ve spent agonizing about it

    I’m not exactly agonizing… it just strike me as a waste.

    Maybe having Scott sell it makes the most sense

  159. I used to cringe when I saw snakes getting returned because “they were only used for a few minutes.”

    The actual fuck. Who the hell returns a used snake???

  160. Your next toothbrush will be used, because the previous user only needed it for a few minutes.

  161. Plus, snakes will get used again…..

  162. ebay it, wiser. Or Craigslist. Maybe just for the fun of it.

    I’ve seen stupider things for sale. Just don’t meet at your house.

  163. Did anybody tell anybody else to take their goddamn mattress home and stop acting like a fucking crazy person today?

  164. You can probably sell it to Tushar. He is doing flooring, after all.

  165. Toilet Paper, only used for a few seconds.

  166. Did anybody tell anybody else to take their goddamn mattress home and stop acting like a fucking crazy person today?

    *raises hand*

    My inlaws didn’t appreciate it much.

  167. You can probably sell it to Tushar. He is doing flooring, after all.

    He still slum lording around my hometown?

  168. Plungers too. It’s very common.

    They only used it for a few minutes.

    That’s why most returns go into the dumpster.

  169. Plungers too. It’s very common.
    They only used it for a few minutes.
    That’s why most returns go into the dumpster.

    The hell is wrong with people?

  170. >>>>You can probably sell it to Tushar. He is doing flooring, after all.

    Awesome idea. Especially considering that I’m probably the current owner of the only one ever actually sold and not returned to HD

  171. HD solved your problem.

    Why should they pay for it?

  172. HD solved your problem.
    Why should they pay for it?


  173. “I’m not agonizing over it! Am I? I can’t tell. What if someone else thinks I’m agonizing over it when I don’t think I am? Does that make me old, fat, & out of touch?”

    Also, you probably got more than $12 worth of use/value out of it. Wrap it in used bunting & give it at the next baby shower you attend.

  174. Wiser,
    We have one similar to that that we used to install our Armstrong laminate.
    I would have loaned it to you.
    We probably could have shipped back & forth for about… $11.

  175. Salvation Army bucket.

  176. >>>>HD solved your problem.
    Why should they pay for it?

    Jesus! Look, I was kinda playing off of the numerous stories you used to tell about the people who would buy snowblowers in November and return them in April.

    The tool is already buried in my toolbox. I would never return it, as it’s (as I mentioned above) scummy.

  177. Music to eat casseroles to (according to my wife):

  178. Wiser why are you trying to censor Scott’s comments? Fascist bastard. You and your clique need to allow people the space to comment as they see fit.

  179. Somebody needs to go to Car in’s restaurant and leave that thing as a tip.

  180. Scott, I just got through cutting up jalapeños and bell peppers and onions for a dish I’m taking to a party Friday afternoon. I washed my hands, thoroughlly I thought, which reminded me of the status of my bladder. After positioning the little fellow so that water would likely meet water I opened the spigot and released a quart or so. After a proper shake or three I stowed the equipment and zipped. I’m pretty sure I’m getting a preview of untreated gonarhea right now. It buiuuuurns.

  181. All food returns have to be tossed. We can’t donate or re-sell. Church groups and school concessions are the biggest offenders. We make Members bag their own mattress on mattress returns. We can’t re-sell pillows, pet beds, bedding, mattress pads etc. My most recent audit in books had $900 in shrink. Added to the previous audit: $2000 in books this year.

  182. CoAlex is going to try & find Casa de Chris&AnitaP.

    People that have lived in this county all their lives get lost out here.

    He’s from “Out Of State” (we don’t like your kind…).

    We’ll see, though I did send him a google ‘trail of breadcrumbs’.

  183. LOLOLOLOL at PG

  184. >>>>Wiser why are you trying to censor Scott’s comments?

    I HAVE….. THE POWER!!!!!

  185. If I don’t return tomorrow night, send search parties. I probably ran across Chris and Anita’s meth lab.

  186. They have a police scanner. Pretty sure it means nothing.

  187. I called up a friend in the NSA. They’re gonna have a drone circle the house.

  188. Hahaha (Anita is on FB and I love her gardening and animal posts. ChrisP, I only know from here. Hostages are great people)

  189. I was just gonna suggest not using the facilities soon after cutting capsaicin pods.

  190. From jalepeno inflamed penises to meth labs. *shakes head*

  191. Where is that salad tosser, mare?

  192. They don’t make meth. Only “sausage”.

  193. Use gloves when dealing with chile. Yesterday at the ballpark, I added additional jalapeños and Sadie’s Hot chopped green chile to my nachos…the green was so hot, it closed my throat. I was crying and choking. It was really good.

  194. Penis update: All is well.

  195. It was $11.

    I will give you three dollars and twenty-five cents for it.

  196. WAIT
    No, just three dollars.

  197. Wiser, I already have that tool. I finished one room, and will start on another one soon. It is very satisfying to work with your hands, use power tools and accomplish something.

    BCoch, yep, still slumlording. Funnily, This morning I wrote an email to my insurance guy, titled, “Hi Joe, it is your old slumlord friend, Tushar!”

  198. Ha! Next time you’re in town, lemme know and we can grab something to eat/drink.

  199. *bids $2.85*

  200. Re. the chile, been there, done that. It doesn’t take long to learn to be very careful when you’re peeling green chile. I got some in my eye once. Burned forever.

  201. 2.95

  202. $2.75

  203. We have acreage, a Kubota, Shovels, and Quicklime.

    You just “Glove-up”, take care of biddness, and leave the “Print Free” vehicle in the Safeway parking-lot in Graham.
    No one will notice for a week, or two.

    Since we’ve been out of the “International Software” bizz, and the accompanying phone-calls, the OD van with the blacked-out windows, lots of antennas, and gubmnt tags does not drive by every day…

  204. 2.77 and the wallet I made at 4H camp in 4th grade

  205. 2.63 and a slightly used plunger

  206. I’ll give you four dollars for the plunger.

  207. Sold

  208. pshaw, we found a plunger in the dumpster out back.

  209. I bid the entire contents of my pants pockets, including the cat treats & the rohypnol-laced lollipop.

  210. I only want the handle, anyway. Just mail that and throw that useless plunger end part away.

  211. Yes but that one was heavily used.

    You could probably only get store credit for it.

  212. I’ll trade you a slightly used snake.

  213. Absolutely no one wants your snake, xbrad.

  214. Comment by lauraw on May 20, 2015 10:28 pm

    I only want the handle, anyway.

    Comment by bcochran81 on May 20, 2015 10:28 pm

    Yes but that one was heavily used.

    *closes browser window*

    *turns off computer*

    *backs slowly out of room*

    *burns down house*

    *moves to Wisconsin*

  215. ?? Dammit. I think that was inadvertent dirtiness. Not intended however you obviously took it, dickfloss.

  216. By me, anyway. Bcoch is totally disgusting on purpose.

  217. Bcoch is totally disgusting on purpose.

    That is entirely…true. But not in this instance. I was actually referring to Jay’s comment a couple comments above.

  218. Ah. See? All an innocent misunderstanding.

  219. Well, “innocent”. It is the H2 after all.

  220. Everyone is either asleep or sifting the couch cushions for bid money.


  222. Or searching for their spare plunger.

  223. I finally got control of the remote. Watching Mike Lee.

  224. Sorry, I’ve already contributed my funneh for May.

  225. My inlaws are in town. I’ve lost complete control of the remote.

    They apparently don’t have dvr, so they must watch all of their shows. Can’t miss em.

  226. Wait, you were funny xbrad? Dammit. I missed it.

  227. Alright, out. See you Hostages later.

  228. Bcoch, my mom watches Oxygen, Hallmark, or Lifetime

  229. “Wolfen” in now available on HD Blue-Ray DVD.
    This is your important announcement for the evening.

    It was a pretty cool movie.


  230. *cocktails and debriefs*
    Wapner was a badass.

  231. Sorry, I’ve already contributed my funneh for May.


  232. Wapner was! Rusty the Bailif was about 85 years old. Hnr. Joeseph Wapner priding with an iron fist.

  233. What’s new and shakin’, Cyn?

  234. presiding.

    “my name is Karl and I am a spazz,”

    “Hi, Karl.”

  235. Not hardly a thang. Closing and billing on some old stuff, busting hard on a new assault file that’s making me cray, trying to keep my head down.

  236. “Hi, Karl.”

  237. I hope Pogo is feeling better.

    You should run out and find her more canned potato soup.

  238. Letterman’s last show is on right now. AND I don’t give a shit.

  239. ChrisP, if CoAlex doesn’t show up on time, it’s entirely possible that he is somewhere near Globe…..

  240. Me either, CB. Let’s go hit a donut joint and tell Letterman he can kiss our asses.

    P.S. Let’s also stop for milk to go with our donuts.

  241. Pogo’s feeling well enough that I’mma zip outta town for the weekend.

  242. *Catches flight to Cyn’s house.*

  243. Whoa! Thailand?

  244. Somalia. Or a Tijuana donkey show.

  245. Don’t pay full price.

  246. Somalia?!! bring me back some khat? Don’t go to TJ. Mexicans don’t even go there.

  247. That’s presuming mom doesn’t make me homicidal this week.

  248. Letterwho?

  249. Pick me up some canned potato soup, willya?

  250. Aww, man, Cyn already used the potato soup joke.

  251. Jay, tell me how your “gyro only” diet has you down 400 lbs? There ought to be a medical endowment coming your way for research.

  252. It’s not gyro only. I still have room for ramen noodles, and ritz crackers and peanut butter.

  253. *gives wink-with-a-grin and a finger-gun to Jay*

  254. https://youtu.be/GyKvMDYeQmo?t=22s

  255. That is amazing. Call it The Undergrad Diet. You could make hundreds!!

  256. Ever had a memory just up and sneak back all on you?

    That Ritz commercial was it for me just now: it was still airing in the early 1980’s when I was dating my first love. Some how, “Good Crackers” became our code or synonym for sex.

    Ha Ha Ha
    That was a fun flashback.


  258. “Pizza” was our codeword for sex.

  259. That is darling, Darling.

  260. Hi, Sean. http://www.latimes.com/local/cityhall/la-me-minimum-wage-details-20150514-story.html

    Nice to see unemployment for the unskilled will get worse in Los Angeles, thanks to our progressive politics.

    This city needs to burn to the ground.

  261. Let your feelings slip derp
    But never your mask derp
    Random blonde bio high density rhythm
    Blonde derp blonde country blonde high density
    You are my drug derp
    You’re real derp

  262. The derp that can be described is not the true derp.

  263. Good Morning.

  264. Gym time.

  265. Day 5 of no internet. The shtruggle is real.

    Wakey wakey.

  266. I figured out how to get the wsj on my other devices, but it’s a pain to read on theses tiny things.

  267. Good thing I have a ton of gardening to filly day

  268. Tuesday was Mini-me’s graduation. You might think it silly to celebrate an 8th grade graduation, but she had been at the school for 9 years. Rocketboy preceded her, so we’ve spent 14 years volunteering in one capacity or another at this school and it’s like saying goodbye to family.

    We partied for a little bit, changed clothes, hopped in the car, and drove through the night to the Cape. Arrived just in time for the bus out to the launch viewing area. First time in my life, the launch window opened and the vehicle launched, no delays. It was real and spectacular.

    Now I’m sitting in a condo on the beach with what could be a postcard view off the back porch, drinking coffee and smiling at H2 shananigans, and I don’t have to be back to work until Tuesday. Life is good.

  269. That’s great, Raomy. Some trips just go completely right!

  270. Sounds awesome roamy.

  271. The only bad thing was tossing coins into the frigging tollbooth, and the light didn’t change. We may return to find a $100 fine. We went to the human being booth from then on. Florida may be nice for no state income tax, but they make up for it in tolls.

  272. Sounds like a fun getaway, roamy, enjoy it!

  273. I wouldn’t worry too much about the toll. My mom used to think the express lane meant she didn’t have to pay, and she hasn’t been hunted down by the traffic gestapo yet.

  274. *squishy virtual hug*

  275. My mom used to think the express lane meant she didn’t have to pay

    Tolls are a scam.

  276. It’s ridiculous the State department is not disclosing the OBL porn stash.

    I think it’s important for people to see just how messed up these people are…I’m secretly hoping it’s really, really bad.

    Someone needs to hack that stuff open for the world.

  277. I like Florida Highways, there are sections with lots of tolls but generally I think they’re great. And Florida toll booth operators are known for their niceness. Saw that again when I was recently there.

  278. I don’t watch the Late Late show with James Gordon but he does have a segment that I really enjoy called car-pool Karaoke that is really fun. The Jennifer Hudson ride is really great, and even the Justin Beiber ride was fun.

    Just good clean fun, with singing and funny lines.


  279. Plus this is a real representation of driving around with one or both of my girls.

  280. CBS late night is permanently dead to me for running off Craig Ferguson.

  281. Just when you think you’re safe:


  282. I didn’t even know what station it’s on Clint. I see these on my twitter feed and watch and enjoy them.

  283. This from their Commander in Chief (holy f’ing shit!!!):

    As ISIS marches, Obama tells military cadets that climate change denial is “a dereliction of duty.”

  284. ^^^ This is what happens when you spend your youth in bathhouses sucking on poles.

  285. I wonder how the Coast Guard Cadets received Obama? I know that when he spoke at West Point last year it was a very chilly reception and the audience gave hilarious luke warm golf clapping when he thought he was giving his best lines. There were some outright laughs.

  286. I’m guessing there were a lot of rolled eyes and smirks.

  287. Haha, I love browsing ads on dating sites.

    The one thing I am most passionate about

    Being happy. I want to be a lifestyle wellness coach, my job would essentially consist of helping others improve their lives so they can live happily and healthfully. I am fascinated with the way language effects our perception of reality. I want to live with Native Americans who don’t use possessive words, they live without greed, which I believe causes many people to be unhappy. There is another group whose language doesn’t have a past or future tense, their lifestyle would be invaluable to learn from as I think many people are unhappy because they are either depressed and focused on the past or anxious and focused on the future.

  288. My future old guy dating site profile: I’m old. I still like tits and poontang. Contact me before it’s too late.

  289. That same logic gets us to Africans being bad at math and linguistics because many of the tribal languages only have a few thousand words and their number words are “none, one, and more than one”.

    Let me know if the no past or future people ever figured out the wheel.

  290. Haha, I love browsing ads on dating sites.


    That idiot was hilarious, Alex.

    I bet she will also enjoy the native american spousal abuse due to high alcoholic rates.

    I denounce myself.

  291. The way the young people are indoctrinated from kindergarten on, and the way the military leadership have turned into a bunch of chickenshit PC polesmoking shitfucks, my guess is that the coasties blew their wads.

  292. As ISIS marches, Obama tells military cadets that climate change denial is “a dereliction of duty.****

    Foch you, Obama.

  293. Climate is changing. Climate changes all the time.


  294. Carin, are black morels okay? I got a request for clarification and I knew that if you didn’t want them I know a guy who does.

  295. Black morals? Isn’t that a bit racist?

  296. Sumpter only has white morels.

    That’s why it’s so nice to live here.

  297. White morals are superior.

  298. Breitbart has a news item with a photo of the first wookie kickboxing.
    While I have no respect for the current holder of the title, I do respect the traditional role if the first lady itself.

    Displaying your ample posterior in all it’s spandex glory is very unbecoming of a First Lady.

  299. The only thing acceptable to me are white molars.

    When they start yellowing, brush them.

  300. Did you notice that she uses heavier weights than Queen Barry?

  301. Did you notice that she uses heavier weights than Queen Barry?

    We can tell which one has more testosterone.

  302. http://is.gd/A0PzAC

    We live in an age of wonder.

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