Note: I totally screwed up my wrist on Wednesday night so this is what you get. I can’t type very well. I’ll be seeing almost everyone mentioned in the story below on Sunday for brunch and I love it. — MJ, Dec 20th, 2013
Hopefully you have been nice naughty this year and have been keeping the X in X-Mas.
*
*
Today’s BBF is a present to all of you that complain every week about the size/facial expressions/BMI/confused look/missing teeth/dusting habits of our normal BBF models. This week features Lucy Pinder, in holiday get ups. Merry Christmas, you insufferable whiney bitches.
*
No need to take this week’s exam. I’m going to give everyone a C+, because after all, at a certain point, you’ve gotten enough As.
*
962 – Byzantine-Arab Wars: Under the future Emperor Nicephorus Phocas, Byzantine troops stormed the city of Aleppo
1688 – As part of the Glorious Revolution, King James II of England flees England to Paris after being deposed in favour of his nephew, William of Orange and his daughter Mary.
1823 – A Visit from St. Nicholas, also known as The Night Before Christmas, is published anonymously.
1893 – The opera Hänsel und Gretel by Engelbert Humperdinck is first performed.
1913 – The Federal Reserve Act is signed into law by President Woodrow Wilson, creating the Federal Reserve.
1919 – Sex Disqualification (Removal) Act 1919 becomes law in the UK.
1968 – The 82 sailors from the USS Pueblo are released after eleven months of internment in North Korea.
1970 – The North Tower of the World Trade Center in Manhattan, New York City is topped out at 1,368 feet (417 m), making it the tallest building in the world.
1972 – The 16 survivors of the Andes flight disaster are rescued after 73 days, having survived by cannibalism.
2002 – A MQ-1 Predator is shot down by an Iraqi MiG-25, making it the first time in history that an aircraft and an unmanned drone had engaged in combat.
2013– MJ said to STFU and Merry Christmas!
*
*
TRUE STORY: This weekend we’ll be having Christmas Eve dinner brunch with my former neighbors, their cousin David, and a few friends. David tends to be the center of attention because of his truly amazing stories, derived from a career in the Canadian Foreign Service. He is incredibly formal, refined, and intellectual. I’ve had a hard time equating him with anyone, but a fair representation would be a slightly heavier and grayer William Buckley.
Last Christmas was my first time meeting David, so my ex-wife and I asked basic questions about him, trying to get to know him a bit better. As is the custom, we had a few glasses of wine before dinner and then moved to the dining room. More wine and incredible courses, again peppered by David’s stories. As we neared dessert, David started telling us about his recently deceased partner, whom he had spent a lifetime with, yet mostly hiding the relationship because of the delicate nature of his work. He took us through their first meeting in the Mediterranean, and how they traveled together through Europe as David was reassigned. Their close calls in foreign countries as they tried to hide the nature of their relationship in hostile local cultures. And their eventual retirement in British Columbia and Palm Springs, enjoying a few years before his partner fell ill and passed away.
I could tell that the former Mrs MJ was a bit teary eyed but enthralled by the telling of his tale. It was at this moment, that she decided to ask a personal yet, normally unremarkable question: “When did you first realize that you loved Dick?”
Silence.
Then uncontrollable laughter from the guests. She was a bit embarrassed, as was David, but that question perfectly cut the sadness of his story, and allowed us to move on to desert with warmth in our hearts. Merry Christmas, hostages!
408 Comments
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I have fucked this up six ways from Sunday. There were four comments on the old thread that I’ll try to get back, but this one published over the other post when I went in to fix the broken links.
I blame WordPress and mare.
I had comments here already.
They disappeared. Very weird.
Those comments of mine were genius.
*cries
This is the WORST CHRISTMAS BBF EVER
Aww. Matching avatar.
Nice job, MJ. Way to break the blog.
This is why we can’t have nice things.
*laughs*
This is the best Christmas BBF ever!
Also, it’s dessert, not desert.
/Hotspur
Hi Jay.
When a pile of dog crap arrives in a box on Christmas day, it was from Car in.
Thank you, jam2!!!!
Pointy elbows.
Curse you, MJ. You know what you did.
Pup hearts Lucy
I’d hit it
So is your wrist doing any better? Are you going blind now too? Change hands, man!
Remember to shave your palms, too.
I saw her comments. They were spectacular.
Dammit, Cyn, you beat me to that comment…pun intented
Its fine. Just needed a few stitches in the bendy part.
That felt nice boobs.
Did you fall down drunk again?
No. I was sharpening a pairing knife and looked away at the TV to watch a spectacular knock out from the kitchen.
Probably during crackfat.
I’m assuming David was in love with a man named Richard?
He was hanging curtains.
“Comment by Cyn on December 20, 2013 9:18 am
Pointy elbows.”
WAIT!!! WHAT?!? No “I’d HIT IT!!” I am ASHAMED of EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU!! No reason Ms. Cyn’s Pitcher of Margaritas’ should EVER get that LOW!!!
Blueberry bagel.
“Comment by scott on December 20, 2013 9:24 am
I saw her comments. They were spectacular.”
*Hands Scott a stronger pair of Glasses*
Are you SURE they didn’t need Implants? Really? Just Checking…
The PA that put the stitches in said her first case was a guy that sliced his entire hand open cutting a bagel. I think she was hitting on me.
“Comment by mare on December 20, 2013 10:00 am
I’m assuming David was in love with a man named Richard?”
*FreeBases a Bowl of Little Friskies*
Ms. Mare, I *THINK* its WORSE than That!! I bet he was in the Navy and didn’t own up to it!!
And I am sorry about the “No Christmas Avatar”. I can’t get it to change here in Brazil. Can’t believe I got on for a few minutes, either…
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs at the bottom of a pool?
Duane.
“Comment by scott on December 20, 2013 10:09 am
He was hanging curtains.”
Yeah…around here when it happens to Teh “Boss”, every other week or so, he accuses ME of using Lemon Pledge on the tabletop…
Comment by GMLand on December 20, 2013 10:23 am
“What do you call a man with no arms and no legs at the bottom of a pool?
Duane.”
Oh….
*Quietly hides hastily made poster that said “MJ’s DreamDate” *
Oops! Sorry, Ms. Cyn!! Missed the “I’d Hit It” comment. *Whew*
*Gives Her an AnkleRub*
Y’all take care, and Merry Christmas if I don’t get to see Y’all later…
Wait, I thought the Oregon website was one of the great success stories of Obamacare!
I’m assuming David was in love with a man named Richard?
—————-
Yes.
D’oh.
I think she was hitting on me.
So have you sliced your other wrist yet? Go longways – it’ll take more stitches.
So cruel.
A SOX sighting!!! *waves*
I just saw a stupid clip from Morning Joe and some blond bitch co host was saying what Phil Robertson said was “disgusting,” I seriously don’t know what he said that was disgusting, I don’t get it.
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Bb4rpWUIcAAJWAw.jpg:large
Jennifer Laurence was on late night talk show talking about butt plugs and no one raised an eye brow besides Rush.
Happy Friday, disgusting trolls and hawt elves!
GMLand I love that pic but don’t you think in reality that twat was probably really there that night in the background.
Nice job on the links, MJ.
I think Mika likely took umbrage at the word vagina. She doesn’t use one.
On Thursday Gabriel Malor linked an article by a DC insider and this was something he said in the article:
“When I was preparing to leave the city, I joked that I’d had dinner with Wall and the president on the night Osama bin Laden was killed. How could I top that?”
And we know that Obama was also playing cards with reggie love, Reggie said so (it was reggie right?).
CLOWN SHOW
CLOWN SHOE
Oh, that’s Mika? Minka? I feel dumber having watched that clip.
What a stupid twat.
Sox!!!
**misses my kitteh**
SS gift just arrived.
It is a disturbingly large box.
Much like Mika.
Phat:
It is a disturbingly large box.
Much like Mika.
Mika: You didn’t have to say it twice.
Phat: I didn’t. That was the echo.
HA!
Member just called to see if we took EBT? Next question: Do you have Prime Rib? (I H8 people)
burning suns of hate.
oso, the answer should have been ‘no’ to at least one of those.
I was standing behind what could have been a meth head the other day at the store. She was going through the displays at the check-out for the cheapest item she could buy, so she could get cash back from her EBT.
I was going to say ‘your welcome’ to her, but Mr. Beasn would not have been happy.
Oh come on, oso, they probably bought those cards half price on the internet. They have to use them somewhere!
/sarc
I would use my EBT to buy a standing rib roast.
I wonder if my feed mill takes EBT.
I could do some welfarming.
Comment by phat on December 20, 2013 11:33 am
SS gift just arrived.
It is a disturbingly large box.
They were all out of the “Bag of Dicks (White)” and had to substitute the “Bag of Dicks (Black)”.
http://bigstory.ap.org/article/canadian-court-strikes-down-anti-prostitution-laws
Tourism!
*looks for passport*
“They were all out of the “Bag of Dicks (White)” and had to substitute the “Bag of Dicks (Black)”.”
HJAHA
Crap, do you think canuck hookers take $US or should I exchange for loonies?
The podcast is actually pretty good this week.
Hotspur, what are we having for dinner tonight?
http://tinyurl.com/mev9oa6
HJAHA
Take that dirty Scandi laugh somewhere else, missy.
Well, right off the bat Malor has it wrong, not a good start.
I live in upscale area and we have tons of Duck Dynasty merchandise. His condescension was irritating. It’s not a rural West Virginia thing.
I have no idea. I basically never leave the island.
Although he is making up for it by not being offended by anything Phil said.
This is what I want for hristmas:
http://is.gd/nylqj8
This is what I want for hristmas:
http://is.gd/nylqj8
That made me LOL.
Is “hristmas” what they celebrate in your gay neighborhood?
Shut your vodka hole!
I have a typing impediment.
Vodka and cranberry hole to you, sir!!
Oh, man.
I’m on a conference call which is centered around how we’re changing from a holding company to an operating company.
One of the picture templates is the space shuttle taking off.
Not smart.
ga. I have to make a phone call to my sister that I really don’t want to make.
Today is full of suck.
The header… HJAHJAHJAHJA!
/scandi Mare laughter
hahahaha….I am a scandi, 1/4 Norwegian.
Crap, do you think canuck hookers take $US or should I exchange for loonies?
Hookers will make your dick fall off. And your wife. I think you like both of those too much to risk it. Plus, sloppy thousandths is kind of gross.
Beasn, I’m not going to have sex with them.
I’m going to see if I can pay one $100 to tell me I’m right for an hour. Naked.
Morning.
I’ll do it for $50 clothed.
Hey, Jew, what’s up?
I’ll do it for $50 clothed.
$45 and I pick the outfit.
Today I built four (4) of these:
http://tinyurl.com/np96f33
I dropped one of them on its face, but it was okay because I build quality products.
$25 My usual sweats, but clean and I’ll do hooker hair.
Hookers will make your dick fall off. And your wife.
—————————–
Am I reading this right? Does leon’s wife fall off or have a dick?
“I dropped one of them on its face, but it was okay because I build quality products.”
haha Well done, Jew!!
Now I’m getting ready for the Christmas party where I may or may not get wildly drunk and violate one of the brake operators.
ga. I have to make a phone call to my sister that I really don’t want to make.
Sorry car in. I had to make a call yesterday and here’s what I did….I asked Mr. Beasn to call my mom. If she answered, hand me the phone right quick. If my dad answered, make small talk, then ask for her, then give me the phone.
Yes, I have issues.
Btw, I asked her about the scan, why wait, the results of the hysterectomy, etc.
Now my sisters were telling me that first it was ovarian cancer, then uterine cancer and that they were getting the info from him. My mom said, the ovarian cyst was nothing, the uterus was clean, her lymph nodes – nada. BUT, they removed the appendix because they didn’t like what they found there. She couldn’t remember exactly what they called it but it isn’t good – (they never said the word ‘cancer’ to her, but it is one and will need treatment as such) and she said that she had been feeling pain in that area for awhile and had mentioned it to the Dr. who didn’t question it.
So, I’m still confused about the whole business but at least two things that were, are not.
Jew, two words….safe sex.
Also, two olives.
Also, surprise bonus.
Also, have fun.
$25 My usual sweats, but clean and I’ll do hooker hair.
Sold.
hahahaha….I am a scandi, 1/4 Norwegian.
Glad to hear it about the negatives on the OC and the UC, Beasn. Sorry about the appendix thingy, hope you figure out what it is exactly.
Don’t know if your parents are willing to do this, but I have all of my kids listed as “Can get my medical information” from all of my doctors so that they can have their questions answered if they ever need to.
SS gift just arrived.
Smells like sweat and fear.
$25 My usual sweats, but clean and I’ll do hooker hair.
You should have held out to insure she’s wearing hooker lipstick.
Beasn, that is very confusing medical information. Yikes.
http://bigstory.ap.org/article/canadian-court-strikes-down-anti-prostitution-laws
Tourism!
Is this a NAFTA thing? Cause Latin America has had hookers for years and years. I don’t know if it’s de jure legal but it’s de facto legal.
Now I’m getting ready for the Christmas party where I may or may not get wildly drunk and violate one of the brake operators.
Good luck?
Is that what one says in this situation?
Teresa, my sister is going with them when she gets her scan. I’ll have her request that of them and to go with them when they get the results.
They should have had her go with them when they were given the results of the biopsies. They were too upset and didn’t understand what they were being told and didn’t ask any questions.
Phone call was a FAIL, btw.
Smells like sweat and fear.
Probably from the picker/packer when she saw what I ordered for you.
It may have been removed as an incidental appendectomy
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3015983/
Sounds like they didn’t find anything bad (I read quickly, sorry if I missed something).
I’m going to see if I can pay one $100 to tell me I’m right for an hour. Naked.
I think you can go back to pron now.
Where is Sean M?
You should have held out to insure she’s wearing hooker lipstick.
Dammit!
Is this a NAFTA thing? Cause Latin America has had hookers for years and years. I don’t know if it’s de jure legal but it’s de facto legal.
Well, I can’t just drive to Latin America on the weekend. Also, the rule for foreign travel while cleared is that if it’s legal where you are and also legal somewhere in the US, it’s okay, so that’s kind of a big deal.
http://bigstory.ap.org/article/canadian-court-strikes-down-anti-prostitution-laws
Really? That’s the best picture they could find for the article?
I think you can go back to pron now.
Have you ever tried to find video like this? It’s too niche.
Some things even a hookeror pornstar won’t do, leon.
So, Harry Reid went to the hospital. Wonder what that subsidized visit cost the American taxpayer? I mean, we can’t really expect a millionaire Senator to actually pay for his healthcare now, can we?
He earned those millions cuz land deals.
He earned those millions cuz
land dealsmafia payoffs.Fixt.
They were too upset and didn’t understand what they were being told and didn’t ask any questions.
I can understand that – it’s bound to be pretty scary. Long distance {{{hugs}}} to them from way down here in Tejas.
It’s obvious that the stress of the job is just too much for a man of Pederast Harry’s age.
Perhaps he should retire.
It would actually make a pretty funny POV video.
I’m so glad you’re here. Sit down, let me take your shoes off. Want a beer? Wait right there. Oh, here’s the remote. Dinner will be ready in 15 minutes, we are having meat.
*sounds of bottles clanking in the fridge*
Jimbro, my mom has to get a PET scan because of what they found on or in the appendix. The Dr. didn’t like what he saw, took it out, and she can’t quite remember what he said it was….something ‘blast’….don’t quote me on that. Supposedly, she was told not to put it off and to get on the treatments asap.
I’m confused by the whole thing. They didn’t ask questions, didn’t understand what they were being told, and didn’t write anything down.
OMG, there’s got to be money in this. Just videos of a good-looking woman being sweet and nice to the viewer.
The youtube channel could actually yield crazy blog money. We gotta get this ready so we can advertise it on Wisershow.
All I can say about Ms. Pinder is that she seems to be a very caring and helpful young lady. Just look at how she is helping to keep the pretty blonde’s breasts warm.
That proves to me that Ms. Pinder is obviously a woman of high character and morals.
That’s probably a pretty natural reaction, Beasn – I really can’t remember much of what was said after the words “Down syndrome” at the hospital. The brain just sort of shuts down for a while in order not to be overwhelmed.
They can probably call the doctor’s office back and at the very least get the name of what this “is” from the nurse. THEY certainly have access to their records.
So, PajamaTwat’s drink of choice is the whisky sour.
Comment by wiserbud, wuzong of the yuan. on December 20, 2013 2:26 pm
That proves to me that Ms. Pinder is obviously a woman of high character and morals.
====
Say it ain’t so, don’t ruin it for me!!!
He seems smart.
Mare as a man:
http://is.gd/Icxq2N
Say it ain’t so, don’t ruin it for me!!!
Oh, I would still bang her.
But I would feel bad for despoiling such a saintly woman.
The youtube channel could actually yield crazy blog money. We gotta get this ready so we can advertise it on Wisershow.
Empathy International, sister corporation to Animosity International.
You kids be nice. I have a ton of shit to do and a party to attend.
OMG, there’s got to be money in this.
I know, right?
Empathy International, sister corporation to Animosity International.
Antagonizing with a Heart
Teresa, my dad probably can remember and probably does have that written down but he told my sisters that she is too upset and doesn’t want anyone to know…she’ll tell us in her own time. He’s been leading them around with faux and incomplete info with the excuse she will get mad at him. Kind of an asshole thing to do if you ask me. Wouldn’t you want everyone to know in order to rally behind the person who is ailing.
My husband’s parents have kept him out of the loop at times when old family friends were ailing and passed on. He finds it hard to forgive them for that since he is a very on-hands-what-do-you-need-I-want-to-tell-you-I-value-you-in-my-life-by-helping-you-in-time-of-need person.
I almost had an urge last night to get a tattoo. Almost.
I know, right?
So now we just have to find a woman capable of convincingly pretending to be sweet, kind, gentle, and feminine. And write some scripts.
I’ll start on the scripts bit after we accomplish that first step. Something tells me that’s harder.
Where is Sean M?
Like I’m falling for that one again.
You can rent that woman up in Canada.
Casting couch.
I have to at least try to find an American, XBrad. I’d hate to hire that out to a foreigner unless absolutely necessary.
Unless she’s got a really sexy accent. And no, canuck accents are not sexy.
Antagonizing with a Heart
Spoken like the CEO of Schooner Tuna
French Canadian accents are nice.
An American woman that can say You’re Right?
Dream on, leon.
*runs
An American woman that can say You’re Right?
Maybe a recent immigrant?
Wanna see what Mr. TiFW got me for Christmas?
http://is.gd/o2jI2Z
We used the 100-year-old bricks from the original:
http://is.gd/tgLVPc
The guy just finished it a couple of hours ago.
Doing the jobs that Americans (women) won’t do.
So now we just have to find a woman capable of convincingly pretending to be sweet, kind, gentle, and feminine.
Yeah. Like there’s another woman with Meryl Streep-level acting chops somewhere out there…..
Wanna see what Mr. TiFW got me for Christmas?
Nice. How long does it have to cure before you can use it?
What kind of permit do you have to get for the fuel, TiFW?
Is that a gas fireplace?
The guy did the hearth yesterday, and we were able to walk on it today; I assume the surround will have cured by tomorrow. We’re leaving town tomorrow for about 10 days, so it should definitely be cured by the time we get back 😛
I don’t know what you mean by “permit”, Jay – that’s a brand new ventless gas insert; I doubt anyone will know that we have it. Chances are it won’t be used all that much, since we have central heat, but it sure does put out some heat when it’s turned on!
Oh, and we still have the original mantle that we’re going to put on top of it. Mr. TiFW plans on adding an additional level to the top of that where we can put our A/V stuff, and then we’re planning on getting a big new smart TV to sit above that.
Friday! Done with work, done with school, mostly ready for Christmas.
But are your pants off yet?
Need a cocktail first.
http://tinyurl.com/kxdttyo
Surprise! Conference call at 4pm before everyone leaves for vacation next week.
Mostly teasing, TiFW. Referring to your newly enlarged carbon footprint.
LOL!!!!!
I look at it as we are providing the trees around us with extra opportunities to brush up on their photosynthesis skillz…..
Surprise! Conference call at 4pm before everyone leaves for vacation next week.
In my country, that’s a hanging offense.
I did more field work today. I made a snowman.
Snoman, or Snowhore who says you’re always right?
It was full of dirt and leaves. Really more of a snowmonster.
Snowmare?
Had a bit of a long, boozy lunch with a lot of guys from my old flying squadron.
Good seeing everyone again after my retirement. Thought I would feel weird being the only one in civvies and rockin’ a goatee, but it was great.
Glad to be out and glad that great guys/gals like them are still in!
Admit it, y’all want to see what Mare’s “hooker hair” looks like.
check your email, Phat.
xbrad,
got it.
Well, that’s an interesting header pic.
Works for me, B-coch! 😉
This is almost what Empathy International needs to provide.
that’s fucking creepy
I agree, Jam. Maid Cafes in Hiroshima are less creepy.
Watching it all the way through is making me feel very weird.
Admit it, y’all want to see what Mare’s “hooker hair” looks like.
Artist’s rendering:
Obama watches Duck Dynasty on Air Force One?
Huh, not sure what to make of that.
Sean, you are very, very close.
Ima start a new show called Fuck Dynasty.
Will you sell handmade Fuck Commander Booty Calls?
Leon – here’s affirmation:
http://tinyurl.com/lhoq4l3
Yes, and Fuck Commander Beer Goggles.
*snickering to himself*
http://tinypic.com/r/20u99gl/5
Jam, your idea lacks the potential for crazy blawg money.
Phil Robertson may have just pulled off the greatest marketing trick of the decade
you’re right – i sit corrected
Ethan Krupp is bummed.
….and right before Christmas
His stocks in onesies and hipster douchebag eyeglass frames are not performing to expectations.
I need to get a duck call.
Here duck duck duck.
The catch? A & E gets the lion’s share from DD merchandise. Duck Commander is Robertson’s brand.
Robertsons’
Hotspur
You can edit my kid’s term paper
Sam’s Club has a Duck Commander Pod. Hats and tees. Still selling like crazy.
time for dinner, then basketball practice
http://tinyurl.com/n87wuze
That’s a weird way to tell a guy he can go to hell.
oso
Of course
How many people really give a crap about the whining assholes in the LGBT community?
But we do need weird shit to buy..
At what point will merely expressing any thought, outside of the liberal canon, subject us to dismissal from our employment?
MCPO
That’s why I’m self employed
Chief, in this college town, that point is long past.
Actually Hotspur I was referring to Phil. Singular.
The whole family is involved though.
What I don’t get is the description of Phil’s comments as disgusting and crude. I don’t bring this stuff up with my mother, but describing gay sex as preferring to put your penis in an anus over a vagina nails it (so to speak). He prefers a vagina. Most men do. An overwhelming majority. Plain speaking but he didn’t use gross slang names.
*Porn is porn and I won’t address that.
>>>At what point will merely expressing any thought, outside of the liberal canon, subject us to dismissal from our employment?
Where you been the last 5 years?
I take that back….. The last twenty
I too vote for vaginas
Can I get a bumper sticker?
Mare, Mare, Mare, if you’d been referring to Phil in singular, you wouldn’t have used “the” in front of “Robertson’s.”
But I still love you, and I would totally let you share my box of Chardonnay.
I too vote for vaginas
Misogynist hater!
I don’t know what vaginas are running for, but I vote for them too.
I stand with my Lesbian sisters on the entire vagina thing
>>>What I don’t get is the description of Phil’s comments as disgusting and crude.
Yeah, that is messing with my mind as well.
He used clinical terms. Are we such children that these words are considered vile?
And we’re being told this by the same douchenozzles that force those same words in our face to “shock” us squares?
Actually I did mean Phil, so I will take the “the” out.
Cruz/ Vaginas 2016
I guess it would all been fine if he used the terms “pee pee”and “hoo hoo” instead.
Duck Dynasty Monologues.
Cooter and pooter.
Wiser, Rush had a clip of Jennifer Laurence on Leno (?) describing a gift of “joke” butt plugs she received. No one said a word and I certainly never heard Mika outraged and disgusted over her casual reference to…crap, I don’t even know who uses them and why, whatever.
>>>I guess it would all been fine if he used the terms “pee pee”and “hoo hoo” instead.
Those are terms of the patriarchy and offensive. You’re fired. Clean out your desk. Security will escort you downstairs.
Cruz would be nuts to run with Vaginas. Guaranteed assassination.
>>>I don’t know what vaginas are running for, but I vote for them too.
I have always been a huge fan of vaginas, for numerous reasons, but mostly because they scare the crap out of Dave.
If he had said the c word, or asshole, or butt hole or schlong or several others then I kind of get the “disgusting” part of it.
hahahaha….my spell check is highlighting my spelling of schlong.
I myself will vote for penises but that’s just me. But I don’t care that others of the opposite sex prefer vaginas. Running mates perhaps?
Around Monroe, Louisiana, the correct term is poontang
Vaginas/Penises 2016
“Break the Glass Ceiling”!
DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW TO SPELL SCHLONG????
Sqeakhole and furbuger
Schwanstucken
I think it’s pretty obvious at this point that I will never be running for public office.*
Or private office if they check online associations.
Dong. Bearded clam.
Schlort.
mare
Since shlong is a Yiddish word I’m glad I could help
Puschy?
You are a treasure, TJ.
mare
Since you are Norwegian, an old girlfriend of mine told me that “kuk” is Norwegian for penis
mare
Since you are Norwegian, an old girlfriend of mine told me that “kuk” is Norwegian for penis
Glad to help..
big johnson
kuk….got it, is that a long “U”?
That was a weird echo..
And I wasn’t eve. inside Mika’s vagina
Wiener.
mare
At least she said it was..
whisker biscuit
Cunchtct.
It’s Yiddish.
Do you old timers remember when Rosetta linked the OFB? Like a dolt I clicked on it and have yet to recover from that picture.
Whisker biscuit, never heard of that….to my face.
Damn that Rosetta.
Ok, now I really gotta go.
Have fun, MJ.
cock socket
punani
Sad to hear that Harry Reid was hospitalized
Hope the docs can get that Evian bottle out of his ass
Pie
I also vote for biscuits
Pink taco
Pink tostada if she gets around
Dan is laughing a little too much at Rodney Carrington talking about marriage.
stench trench if she gets around around
Rodney Carrington is hilarious.
Mud flaps
STOP TALKING ABOUT VAGINAS!
I had to look him up
Ooooh….that reminds me of one.
daveintexas
What you see:
http://tinyurl.com/mzdcw8b
What I see:
http://tinyurl.com/kbgvpxd
http://en.memory-alpha.org/wiki/V%27Ger
Wow
>>>STOP TALKING ABOUT VAGINAS!
Told ya.
Jimbro, turn off “safe search” and look for Show them to Me.
http://tinyurl.com/nvn57xr
“Oh it seems to me this whole world’s gone crazy
There’s too much hate and killin goin on
But when I see the bare chest of a woman
My worrys and my problems are all gone
No one thinks of fightin, when they see a topless girl
Baby if you would show yours too, we could save the world”
Could be a BBF theme song!
Have I ever mentioned how “Tight” Dan is? Rodney Carrington DVD was funny, but not 30$ a ticket funny. Ambrosio loaned him a concert DVD to try to get Dan and I to go watch him. We also haven’t seen Brian Regan.
Did anybody complain to the HR department about the mistletoe hanging from anybody else’s belt buckle today?
Naw, Sean. Everybody thought it was swell.
Rodney Carrington is a Moron and doesn’t know it.
Did anybody complain to the HR department about the mistletoe hanging from anybody else’s belt buckle today?
Yeah, I did dammit. It was a friggin’ piece of parsley. Rip OFF.
Say, what exactly are they all looking at?
The comments should almost be read first.
http://tinyurl.com/mhhdlga
I was creeping at the Ginger Baby in Sean’s link and Jam jumped right in with the WTF?
Ha Ha! Laughing at Jam and Oso.
Wiser, I was talking about your news last night – don’t know if you saw. (Shush up all you late nighters and indulge me):
Regarding Wiser’s dream coming true, and the unwarranted bad he was put through: Monday night I was driving home late and there was a lady on the radio talking about hard times. She was saying that even though things go bad and you wonder how and why it all could have gone wrong, this is a gateway for much better things — that everything is working out for your highest good.
And here is a real-life example.
Nice HEADer.
Lippy, I loved that when you posted last night too.
Sometimes I still think bad shit happens because I didn’t study hard enough in Geometry class.
If that’s true, then I apologize to everybody. My bad.
Yeah Dave your hypotenuse skills are for shit
I’m a firm believer in God not giving us more than we can handle. Unfortunately, he seems to think I’m stronger than I am.
Crazy Bear – you okay?
So, not to interrupt the fun ‘n’ games, but my aunt that I mentioned a few days ago here passed away earlier this evening. Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers.
Hugs, Oso.
Dave, ya goof, if his company hadn’t “made him redundant”, he might have been on a business trip and not gone to the party. Or he might have blown off talking to the guy.
I’m sorry to hear that, Andy.
Only 4 days of Christmas music left!!!!!!!!!!
Andrew, my condolences friend.
Lipstick, you mean when wiserbud talked to the guy about the thing?
Sorry to hear that Andy.
OK, ladies and gents – the TiFWs are heading off to bed in just a bit.
We are heading out of town tomorrow, and may or may not have access to the Internet for a few days (MIL lives out in the boonies, and prefers that her family spend time talking with each other, rather than some electronic gadget).
If I’m not able to “talk” to you guys before then, I hope that you all have a very Merry Christmas and get to spend time with those you love the most.
Thanks so much for putting up with me for another year – I’m honored to call you miscreants friends {{{hugs}}} and ♥♥♥
Sorry to hear about your Aunt, Andy.
Sorry, Andy. Will you be traveling to GA? Mcpo, I see Neets handling things with such grace, and I am in awe. I really feel like I’m spending too much time in Prayer for all y’all too.
Andy, I am sorry to hear that. You have my deepest sympathies
Dave, yep. Plus, his former job might not have left him enough time to do the radio.
Anyway, I’ve often said to myself, years later, “wow, that really sucky thing that happened ended up allowing me to do that really wonderful thing.
Sorry for your loss, Andy.
Merry Christmas to you, too, Teresa, safe travels.
Teresa
I’m emailing you in a minute
Andy,
Sorry mon. Hugs on you and a prayer for her.
RIP…
condolences Andy
Sorry for your loss, Andy, and prayers for your aunt.
“wow, that really sucky thing that happened ended up allowing me to do that really wonderful thing.
True. The awful battle Mr. RFH was in before leaving NASA was a huge stress, but his new job made a lot of things easier and is very close to Rocketboy’s high school. We don’t have all our eggs in one basket salary-wise any more.
Safe travels TiFW. I got to hug you this year.
That was a good thing.
My condolences. Andy
Does it make me a *bad person* that when I heard that Harry Reid was in the hospital, that I hoped for one of those rare “Medical Misadventures” that might have;
“Will no one relieve me of this troublesome priest?”
Moments?
If so, I really don’t give a shit…
Condolences, Andy. Were you close?
No, ChrisP. It just makes you sentient.
Harry Reid is such a miserable lowlife lying prick that it’s ok not to give a shit
He doesn’t care about anyone else’s healthcare and we’re paying for his..
TJ, I just hate the fact that I let so much hatred in my life. I really have started to hate all the people that voted for TFG. The ITYS isn’t enough. I want to add the BIHYFPOSTKMC (Burn in hell you fucking pieces of shit that killed my country)
Sorry, Andy.
Condolences, Andy.
I’ve taken trips to Georgia for the same reason.
oso
It took almost 25 years of pisspoor leadership, a crappy MSM and an increasingly stupid electorate to get to this state.
One can’t help but be stoic about it
I started reading philosophy and found some solace there
The festive music generator on the ONT tonight is ridiculous fun.
The last trip I took to Albany Georgia for a funeral was for my dad’s brother Rodney. 1985. Mrs. Dave was carrying my eldest baby girl, she couldn’t travel.
My dad lost his parents when he was a kid. His dad died when he was two, his mother when he was nine. Rodney raised him through high school and then he enlisted in the Navy.
We visited with a very old black man named “Bum” who knew them both, and I learned more about my paternal grandparents that afternoon than I had ever known, before or since. Bum had to be in his late 80s by then.
It was a good trip and I’m glad I went with my dad to lay his brother to rest.
Lauraw, it is fun.
Oh God, the FFM is like crack!
ok…can someone ‘splain to me what a “Cereal Restaraunt” really is. It can’t be what I think it is. No way…
Beasn and I were talking about this in PM on FB. In my family, the family members bury their own. There is something very cathartic about grabbing a shovel and filling the grave. As a girl/woman, I was supposed to drop a symbolic handful and then go to the house and serve food. I’ve never done the expected. Dan has had to grab the shovel and be the token white guy several times because i really am comforted from this aspect of being a Mexican hillbilly. I H8 walking away at gringo funerals and leaving that part to the grounds crew.
YMMV
Oh HAHAHAHAHAHA (sorry for the departure Osoloco)…
I’m just laughin at the FFM thing. See if you dorks can guess which things I clicked on first.
Everything after bass, drums and rhythm guitar is just “sweetening” as they say in the recording industry.
The only time I’ve done anything like that, doing the shoveling yourself was… well… required.
S. S. S. U.
Mark S really ‘Does it up brown” here. I really liked this piece.
http://m.nationalreview.com/article/366896/age-intolerance-mark-steyn/page/0/1
So it goes…
ffm?
What Scott said…
WTFDFFM mean?
It’s OK. Mexican funerals are actually fun. I just think that something is missing in modern grieving without the graveside rituals/drama.
ONT FMG go play nao!
Deepest condolences. Andy.
Getting old sucks, ’cause we lose more and more of our loved ones.
goscwlmamoolo.
Festive Fun Machine, from the ONT:
http://us.moo.com/merrymusic/
what wiser said.
night kids. I will wish you more Merry Christmases between now and then..
But I wish em to you now too.
Thanks, y’all.
Yes, we were pretty close.
Andy, you were a great nephew and your Aunt knew what a wonderful person you are. Hugs and Prayers.
//bro-hugs Andy//
Dudes…get a room
For GML in case he shows up: http://www.kentucky.com/2013/12/19/2996474/for-second-year-four-roses-bourbon.html
CB, Four Roses is the yum. Totes. Drinking Evan Williams Peppermint Chocolate Egg Nog with a EW float in my Marty Moose mug.
I am drinking Evan Williams single barrel Oso
Cheers!
Oso, Four Roses and Wild Turkey/Russell’s Reserve are both made in my original hometown. Woodford Reserve is made in the next county over about 10 miles away.
Salud! I tried Four Roses last year because of the win. Woodford Reserve is on the list. Hope to make the Kentucky Bourbon Tour someday.
Vman, I like Bourbon more and more as I get older. Not so much about getting wasted any more. Lawn. Off.
I am setting my alarm for 3am and plan on packing and leaving Houston with Zeke to go home for Christmas.
I will burn all my accumulated vacation, but I will see family for the first time in 8 months at Christmas
Puerto Vallarta is closer than Tampa. Just sayin, My bucket list is fishing the gulf o California. I want to catch Pargo and Yellowtail.
>> Woodford Reserve is made in the next county over about 10 miles away.
I’ve toured that distillery. Beautiful country.
Clintbird
I tried a RR 10 year last weekend. I did not like until it had lots and lots of water. On the sip before it hit lemony goodness I thought Listerine was better. Than my ice melted and it was really good.
I like Wild Turkey but lately it is too hot and spicy. It has ceased to be my go to house drink.
Dudes…get a room
Heh.
Sean, you’re the only one here that shared a room with Andy.
Woodford Reserve is good stuff. I am defaulting to it over Wild Turkey.
then my bad
By all means, any of you who can, go on the Kentucky Bourbon Tour. Totally worth the effort.
I’m a cheap drunk. Evan is cheap. Yadda yadda.
I pulled my back getting the handle of store brand bourbon off the bottom shelf at the grocery store.
>>>Sean, you’re the only one here that shared a room with Andy.
Ummmmmm… *cough
The Evan single barrel I am drinking was barrel #605 put up in 10-01.
It is rather unremarkable, but not bad.
It was also $10 less than other single barrel bourbons.
Mmmm…single barrel. Do you have Total Wine in Houston?
FFS RL friend just doesn’t get the 4 Yorkshiremen. I love you reprobates. I don’t have to explain jokes here. Sheesh.
Ummmmmm… *cough
SLUT!!!
>>I pulled my back getting the handle of store brand bourbon off the bottom shelf at the grocery store.
hahahaha!
I mean, uh, sorry you was hurted.
The doctor is going to think that is one of those “curtain hanging” excuses.
AKA Ass Tater. Full Circle.
LIPPY!
I saw your reply to me and yeah, it’s amazing the twists life throws our way.
Funny how when the choice comes down to suck it up or whine, those of us on our side of the aisle chose to win.
Badly stated, but I think you know what I’m saying.
Is Maker’s Mark bourbon? Had some of that probably 15 years ago.
A bourbon tour sounds really nice. Never been to Kentucky. We should make it a meat-up. Carloads of us rolling through the country. Preferably with designated drivers.
We’re all Blutto now!
Sean’s gonna have to get his bus driver’s license. Cuz who the hell else would go to a meatup and stay sober?
Kentucky is one of the, if not the, prettiest states in the US. Lots to see, lots to do and costs aren’t bad.
I don’t drink plus I’m originally from there. Unfortunately I’m a shitty driver.
I don’t drive. A Kentucky Bourbon tour sounds nice. We get Maker’s for Special occasions. Yuengling and Primanti’s would be good too.
I very briefly dated the daughter of “Makers Mark” many moons ago. True southern belle in every sense of the word.
WISER!!!
*huge smile, runs across room, trips, etc., etc.*
CB, Spit didn’t swallow?
BANGLAR PARTY
VANBUSOh yeah.
No, Oso, too expensive to keep her in the lifestyle she was used to. I was a poor school teacher at the time. $5760/year didn’t exactly keep you in high cotton.
hahaha. So, Dan caught me giving the Culligan water to the dogs and cut off delivery. I’ve been drinking tepid tap water for months and Blegh. Now the water miser is getting piqued that I’m drinking bottled water instead of tap. Is this the hill to die on?
Clint, she is a huge step up from the old saw about dating a liquor store owner’s daughter.
Also, now I feel bad about mocking Xbad’s back injury. I’m just no good at this snark toward friends. Strangers can be a different story.
Lippy, feel free to snark at XB. He always pays it forward.
You’re good, Lippy. Don’t worry about it. You know what this place needs right about now?
Lippy, I was kidding bout the back injury, but not the quality of the booze I normally drink.
Oso, I totally give the good water to pets. Really, how much can they drink? (except lizards and creepy things like that sometimes need the muni water – I did ask a vet about water back in the ferret days).
Try one of those Britta water pitchers, the slimline kind. They work very well IMO, and voila: COMPROMISE!!
What this blog needs now, is love sweet love…
The last time I **really**really** hurt my back, I was pulling the main gun out of a Bradley. That’s roughly 275#, and it’s extremely awkward and cramped quarters.
This, that’s what!
Dan is irrational. I mean, really. If I won’t drink tap water, why should my dogs? No brainer.
I felt bad about an imaginary injury??!
Bastard.
I hate to break it to you, Lippy, but I’ve never had a potato in my ass, either.
You’re gonna.
>> Woodford Reserve is good stuff. I am defaulting to it over Wild Turkey.
That’s the house bourbon here, Vman. Good stuff indeed.
He is being irrational. Tell him he is jealous of the dogs. Then try the pitcher – it makes water yummy.
Let the dogs have Evan Williams, and you get the Woodford Reserve.
Sorry
I love our idiot dogs but their water is straight from the water hose
Riley gets tap water. He hasn’t complained so far.
Well, dogs — they eat poop, too. They’re not exactly picky.
**reports TJ to Sarah Maclachlan.**
He’s never been much of a poop eater. And he won’t eat his chow unless we put some veggies in it.
Hippie dog!!
OK, goodnight, stragglers.
Goodnight Lippy!
Back to my geology books..
There’s a starman waiting in the sky
He’d like to come and derp us
But he thinks he’d blow our minds
It’s the 21st. Can I open my Secret Santa now?
Comment by daveintexas on December 20, 2013 9:51 pm
‘Sometimes I still think bad s**t happens because I didn’t study hard enough in Geometry class.
If that’s true, then I apologize to everybody. My bad.’
Told Y’all this was *ALL* DinT’s Fault!! Nobody believes a Stupid Cat…
Comment by Cyn on December 20, 2013 9:30 pm
“Did anybody complain to the HR department about the mistletoe hanging from anybody else’s belt buckle today?
Yeah, I did dammit. It was a friggin’ piece of parsley. Rip OFF.”
I just LOVE IT when Ms. Cyn’s Traditionalist Streak Rises Up!
I just don’t think I want to go Hunting with Her, and have someone Break Out the Bottle of Doe Urine in the DeerStand…
I am always Conflicted on Which is Worse, my Tail in a Room Full of Rocking Chairs, or my Tail in a Room with Ms. LipSticks Two Feet….
“Comment by osoloco11 on December 21, 2013 12:59 am
What this blog needs now, is love sweet love…”
And an Industrial Strength Condom…
Comment by xbradtc on December 21, 2013 12:59 am
“The last time I **really**really** hurt my back, I was pulling the main gun out of a Bradley. That’s roughly 275#, and it’s extremely awkward and cramped quarters.”
Now …WaitaMinuteHere….I thought it was when that Oriental Michael Jackson Look-A-Like had you DuctTaped to that LARGE CeilingFan?
Comment by xbradtc on December 21, 2013 3:43 am
“It’s the 21st. Can I open my Secret Santa now?”
OH, HELL NO!!! If You are gonna Fling Teh CatToys around Teh Globe, and I can’t play with Teh Secret Santa, You Gotta Wait!!!!
*Stomps off in a CatHuff…*
God Bless, Y’all. Gotta pack, and start the trek back.
*Gives Ms. Cyn and Ms. Romy Teh AnkleRub*
Merry Christmas Kitty.
I’ve been up since 230. I was just keeping quiet and hoping I’d feel sleepy again.
“Look, look, I’m a chicken, I walk on two legs, hurp durp”.
G’morning peeps and peepers
G’morning Cyn
Road trip!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111eleven
See y’all in 15 hours
Am I a peep or a peeper, or a perp or a prepper?
Safe Travels, Vman – Merry Christmas!
Am I a peep or a peeper, or a perp or a prepper?
Yes.
New poat.