Hi there and welcome to the third Friday of his majesty’s reign. On this Friday we are about to feel slightly less winning than previous days, which will still be better any day Hillary has left.

You know, I’m not sure I care about serious issues anymore. Here’s what I give greater than zero f**ks about: not losing. It turns out not losing is better than losing. Hard to believe.

If someone could inform former President Romney of this eternal wisd…..oh. I guess we could call Hillary and ask her if winning….nope, that won’t do either. So we’re left with all of history as a guide. It’ll do. Not perfect, but it’ll do.

Today’s song was written about Hotspur’s thong after a long night of medicinal tequila and Meh -hee- can cuisine.

Please welcome the newest member of my spank bank! She was named after the Japanese mountain goddess, Bigimita Boobashen.

I totally made that up. That’s not true. The name of the Japanese mountain goddess is actually Boobyama Suckakuzi.

Lies. All lies. Her for serious name is Cumiko Onboobashita.

For real this time. Her name is Anri Okita and she hails from the Island of Wales, Kentucky. Born in 1922, she graduated from Boob U with the biggest of honors. You might even call them big league. After a brief stint as a hand model, a photographer noticed that she had a pretty rack, so he asked her if she’d like to show them off for money. Anri readily agreed and then we got to see her boobs a lot. End of story. 


1535 12 nude anabaptists run through Amsterdam streets

1549 Tomé de Sousa appointed governor general of Brazil

1635 The Académie française forms in Paris (by Cardinal Richelieu)

1676 Wampanoag Indians under King Philip kill all men in Lancaster Mass

1713 Netherlands & Britain sign accord concerning anti-French Barrier

1716 Scottish pretender to the throne James III Edward returns to France

1720 Edmund Halley appointed 2nd Astronomer Royal of England

1763 Treaty of Paris ends French-Indian War, surrendering Canada to Britain

1774 Andrew Becker demonstrates diving suit

1794 Joseph Haydn’s 99th Symphony in E premieres

1798 Louis Alexandre Berthier invaded Rome, on February 15 proclaimed a Roman Republic and then on February 20 take Pope Pius VI as a prisoner.

1807 US Coast Survey authorized by Congress

1846 Beginning of Mormon march to western US

1846 British defeat Sikhs in battle of Sobraon, India

1855 US citizenship laws amended; all children of US parents born abroad granted US citizenship

1859 Gen Horsford defeats Begum of Oude & Nana Sahib in Indian mutiny

1860 John Brahms’ 2nd Serenade in A, premieres

1862 Dutch 2nd government of Thorbecke forms

1863 1st US fire extinguisher patent granted to Alanson Crane, Virginia

1866 Dutch government of Frans van der Putte forms

1866-Present, Other stuff

Ya’ll have a really good weekend and try not to freeze your asses off.



  1. Mein Gott!!

  2. Mon Dieu!!!!

  3. Dios Mio!!!

  4. Nkulunkulu wami!!!

  5. Finally…

  6. I was getting worried.

  7. I was wondering if Elizabeth Warren and Nancy Pelosi had gotten together and outlawed big tits. Because of Ivanka or something.

  8. Does Homegirl Okita do any instructional videos on how to make teh sexy?

  9. I either need to join a gym again or make more space in my office and time in my day for calisthenics.

  10. This muthafucka broke?

  11. Just slow today.

  12. Nah, this motherfucker broke.

  13. Leon, I’m surprised that you can’t find space on the farm for a weight rack and a tractor tire.

  14. I bet Leon voted for Obama.

  15. There’s space enough, but it’s too cold out there to work out right now. Also, nowhere outdoors with a perfectly level surface.

    I voted for 0bama to go to Gitmo as a detainee.

  16. I voted for Obama to keep eating his waffle and leave us the f alone.

    Neither ballot initiative won.

  17. i voted for teh bamster to eat cheese like a champ & golf

  18. so –

    i was re-reading Crossing the Line –

    is TBOM still in sexual bondage to his Yemeni over lord(s) – or did he escape to goatse island

  19. speaking of goats – is chief still top-side?

  20. zoonotic – prolly not good

  21. TBOM just paid a visit to the Hostage group on FB

  22. C3P0 was there too. And BiW. And Peej

  23. Turn this up to eleventy.

    Good guitar work at 3:00 and 5:45.

    Also a good bumper tune for Wiser


  24. ALL RISE

    Secret Hostage Facebook Group is now in session

  25. There’s a hostage group of Facedouche?

  26. Good stuff, ScottW. It’s amazing how many fabulous musicians there are in this world that nobody’s ever heard of.

  27. Being a southern fella, I’m kinda liking this sound.

  28. Secret Hostage group.

  29. Evening Hostages. Anybody else make it all day without making a child cry?

  30. Nope.


  31. Not very active.

  32. I actually did, Pup. Which is unusual around here. But the day isn’t over yet.

  33. https://is.gd/9vGp5s

  34. PG, he’s a local guy. He’s played with EVERYONE. Stevie Ray Vaughn tried recruiting him when he was 19.

    He’s had songs in the top 10 on the blues charts, and he’s still a nobody.

  35. My office has a warehouse guy that is too old for the field anymore, so he moves pallets and boxes all day and tries to make it his mission to get people upset with his disparaging comments. I figured him out right away so he doesn’t get anything out of me. But his specialty is being mr nice guy to make you open up to him, then betraying your secrets to everybody else. Fun stuff.

    He did make somebody cry yesterday, but it may have just been stress. I made him cry today, but mostly because he can dish it out but not take it.


  36. Good evening, heads of chowder.

  37. Chowdah

  38. Shou-dere.

  39. Mmm…chowder

    I came here to eat clam dip and kick ass and I’m all outta clam dip

  40. Who abducted Roamie this week?

    Maybe she is “into” crawlspaces?

  41. My super bowl clam dip was okay. I wanted it to have a little more flavor. It was missing the umami. Or salt. Maybe I should have gone with onion dip.

  42. Nobody liked my clamp dip. I think I read the recipe wrong.

  43. Who the hell its communal clam dip?

  44. Calamity dip.

  45. Pups Polar pic creeps me out. Polars look all cute and snuggly…they want to kill you.

  46. Everyone likes your mom’s clam dip.

  47. I clam this dip in the name of the Spinach Empire.

  48. WooHoo!!! Might have a buyer for MiLs house. 🙏🏻 that SiL isn’t a total bitch.

  49. WTFITS?

  50. Tagged Roamy with an Amber Alert. She’s been busy.

  51. Random Frito Head!

  52. Dammit!

  53. Dan needs to fix your login. The avatar is a fanged octagon.

  54. Clam slam.

  55. I H8z it, I doez. At this point, I should get the 32 gig iPad mini and he should keep the 16 gig.

  56. Stupid CO weather delays trucks. 26 pallet Freezer/Cooler arrived around 11. 4 lift team. Members kept trying to get between Lift and Spotters. Aggressive. Produce truck arrived at 3. Not our fault we have weather delays. Keep playing chicken with a lift, asshole. Get off your phone.

  57. Rock out with your clam out

  58. How many pink boxes of steamed clams, oso?

  59. Anyone snatch a pink box of steamed clams from a beaver eating a taco?

  60. Clams from Reno

  61. What topic should I write a short pithy essay about next weekend?

    I’ll need you to be clairvoyant to make it timely.

  62. Bivalves: Pangender Crustaceans or Just Plain Tasty?

  63. Evening.

  64. Jew, I added your secret identity to the secret FB group

  65. No clams, lots of salmon and lobster tail

  66. There’s a secret Facebook group?

  67. MJ, teacher bitches planning mass walk out on Friday. Leading into 3 day Prez day wknd. Such strength. Such drama

  68. I added you yesterday. Check your facedouche!

  69. Facebook is for losers.

  70. I thought only old people were on facepuke.

  71. pangendered and tasting:

  72. “Facebook is for losers.”

    i opened a facebook account a couple weeks ago –
    i’m now a transgendered chick around 30 something – feels good to be part of an unhated demographic

  73. my wife thinks there may be something wrong with me

  74. ESPN will give you an award.

  75. oso – do you have room in your secret society for a pangendered questionable ape?

  76. woo-hooo, i’ll be special

  77. I thought only old people were on facepuke.

    Then why aren’t you there?

    /low-hanging fruit

  78. Mare is much younger on faceplant.

  79. The 3 judges of the 9th Circus is now calling for a vote from the other 26 judges on how badly they fucked up…


  80. As of November, it’s been three years since I’ve touchen FaceChimp or twitter. My bp is lower because of that, and the meds…

  81. Speaking of Facedouche, I knew my Bernie-loving nephew had unfriended me. What I didn’t know was that he’s unfriended everyone in the family except his mother. Even the cousins who voted for Hillary.

    I guess that’s fine that he’s off in his little echo chamber, so I don’t have to see shit like this unless I go look at what’s publicly shared.


    I could give him a heads up that potential employers might not be persuaded to hire him with a FB profile like that, but I’ll let him figure it out on his own.

  82. Sorry, ChrisP, I shouldn’t spike your bp. Don’t click the link.

  83. Just got back from seeing John Wick 2 with Mr. TiFW – very enjoyable.

    Guarantee we had a better experience than all the gaggles of gals who went to see 50 Shades of Gray 2.

    The reviews have not been kind…..

  84. Mr. TiFW is a lucky man.

  85. I’ve been baking cookies to send to SIL and Rocketboy.

  86. Best of all, they tee’d it up for a John Wick 3…. :-)

  87. Hands of law have sorted through
    My identity
    But now this derp is brave
    And wants to be free – anyway to be free

  88. This is pretty interesting. If you hit Play you can see the world wars and individual little wars happen, based on how they affected life expectancy in the various nations. Follow the bouncing ball! Took a little while to load on my computer.

  89. Gapminder

  90. I’m on twitter but the only time I look at it is when I get an email of 5 or 6 tweets that happened in my timeline or the twitchy email.

    I don’t have facebook. I waste enough time on the web and don’t need another timesink. Paula has an account and my family can keep up with us via that one. She lets me know what my family posts now and then. My brother is happy with the election, my sister not so happy but we love each other enough to keep the politics out of each other’s faces.

  91. John Wick 2 is already out? I have a movie to see after moving stuff.

  92. wakey wakey

  93. I either need to join a gym again or make more space in my office and time in my day for calisthenics.

    This. A or b.

  94. Debating crossfit this morning. I have issues. Kids need to be places, I work. Humn.

  95. Heh:

    “Look, if I want to see normal Americans insulted, I can watch CNN. And I don’t watch CNN. But 24: Legacy looked kind of fun and, hoping against hope that Hollywood had learned we patriotic Americans are tired of being dissed, I watched the first episode, which ran right after Hillary lost the Super Bowl. ”


  96. Morning

  97. Clint, have you seen John Wick 2 yet? If so, what do you think?

  98. Hi Jewstin! How many muddlers do you have?

  99. I was looking for a bear pictures for Oso last night, and one of the pics was that crazy lady getting bit by the polar bear Rosetta used to link all the time for Mare.

    Sad but funnah.

  100. My kids are going to see John Wick tonight. They haven’t seen the first one, so they need to fix that first. I can’t believe they haven’t seen the first one.

  101. I have zero muddlers. I should start a shopping list.

  102. Will we need any feral cats?

  103. Well, you are in charge of the menu…

  104. I still haven’t seen it.

  105. Legion was awesome. AWESOME.

    I may not be able to watch the second episode, because there is no way they can keep that up.

    *secretly hopes

  106. I was looking for a bear pictures for Oso last night, and one of the pics was that crazy lady getting bit by the polar bear Rosetta used to link all the time for Mare.


    I saw that picture the other day and thought the same thing. He use to link it with the title “stupid woman.”

    Still makes me laugh.

  107. MJ, teacher bitches planning mass walk out on Friday. Leading into 3 day Prez day wknd. Such strength. Such drama


    And it dovetails nicely with a quick little holiday.


  108. Mare I have not seen John Wick 2 yet but I plan to sometime in the next 2 weeks. I also must see Lego Batman which is supposed to be at total hoot. Also Mare, you MUST discover “Santa Clarita Diet” on Netflix.

  109. I think that show is the one with the guy from Justified. I have it on my list.

  110. Santa Clarita Diet was ok. Funny at times. I would definitely watch another season.

  111. I’d be interviewing for my own job in the next couple of weeks.

    No thanks.

  112. Smart move, Leon.

    A couple of hipsters at the dance on Thursday were talking excitedly about driverless cars. The future is five years away, and always will be.

  113. If you’re an urban hipster who doesn’t own a car

    1) you’re the only market demo other than old/blind people
    2) I probably don’t like you

  114. You are correct, Mare. “Raylan Givens” is in this new comedy and he is an absolute riot in it.

  115. She persisted.

  116. I like the long weekend/protest thing.

    Walk out Wednesday? Not when a four day weekend is just on the far side of hump day.

  117. “Given and explanation”?

  118. Already changed

  119. Yay.

    Pumpkin seed bread experiment is in the oven.

  120. I mentioned trying low-carb to my dad, and he and my stepmom decided to give it a try. Apparently it’s working for them. Dad asked me about about low-carb alternatives to bread and such, but I didn’t have any answers for him.

  121. Most of them involve nut flour. I don’t have any almond trees, thus the experiment.

    The pizza crust I make is a fantastic “bread”, but they’d have to buy almond flour and ground flaxseed and make it themselves. They’d also want to keep the almond flour (and ground flaxseed) in the fridge so it won’t go rancid.

  122. This isn’t bad, and only requires almond butter: Paleo bread

    Have to be careful to buy almond butter without much sugar, though.

  123. Leon, what’s your bread recipe?

  124. Basically this recipe, Alex:

    I usually increase the mozzarella to a full pound, the almond flour to a full cup, and use 1/4c of ground flaxseed instead of psyllium husk.

  125. I’m baking the experiment long and slow so as not to damage any of the fats with heat. Looks like it’s going to be at least 90 minutes.

  126. Tushar’s weight loss status:
    Losing first 10-15 pounds was a breeze, but losing each additional pound is a battle. down 23 pounds so far.

    Wife has been more impressive. She has lost 15 pounds, which is a lot for her smaller frame. She is within 6 pounds of her weight at the time of our marriage 18 years back.

  127. “long and slow”

  128. I was within 6 pounds of marriage weight for maybe 2 months.

  129. 75 minutes. It’s cooling in the pan now.

  130. It’s okay. Recipe needs work. Texture isn’t perfect, but I didn’t shell the seeds first. If I have to do that to make this work, it isn’t worth it.

  131. That’s wonderful, Tushar! What do you think you’ve done that’s made the most difference? And what has been the difference for your wife?

  132. »»A couple of hipsters at the dance on Thursday were talking excitedly about driverless cars.««

    I take it they’ve never seen Minority Report?

    Amazing how the government was able to take over an innocent person’s driverless car in that one….

  133. »»I didn’t shell the seeds first««

    Look for “pepitas” at your local store – pumpkin seeds already shelled….

  134. Teresa, I grew these. Buying them defeats the goal of bread made from my own plus eggs from the next set of chickens.

    I might have been able to grind them a little smoother with more time in the food processor or a little more olive oil. I’ll try again with the next pumpkin.

  135. Work sucky-sucky’ed.

  136. HotBride thinks she has found a home for the kitty.

    Her allergies have her back on prednisone.

    It just didn’t work out.

  137. Rocketboy took physics his senior year of high school while dual-enrolled at the local university. The university physics professor has been arrested for child molestation. He turned himself in to the cops, and I know a little of his history to think this might be his ex-wife trying to get sole custody or otherwise get revenge. It’s still not something you want to read about your child’s teacher.

    They need something like an anti-SLAPP law for those who falsely accuse of rape and child abuse.

  138. Sounds like divorce rape.

  139. It got ugly enough between my dad and his first wife that she ended up spending the night in jail for contempt of court. Judge had enough of her shit, too.

  140. My first wife and I have been divorced for 35 years. She still will not look at me, let alone speak to me.

    It’s uncomfortable at my grandkids’ events.

    She tried to pull a lot of that abuse accusation kind of shit. The judge never bought any of it. She lost EVERY TIME.

  141. In happier news, the Tim Tebow Foundation sponsored a “Night to Shine” prom for special needs teenagers. One of Mini-me’s friends went and had a great time. Megawatt smile in all the pics. God bless Tim Tebow for that.

  142. Mare, the biggest success factor is that me and the Mrs are doing it together. Weight loss, like sex, is better with two people.

  143. As much as I rue not having my own biological children, I feel fortunate my ex and I did not have children. I get to be the grumpy father figure for Paula’s boys.

  144. I watched this movie today: The Nice Guys


    It was an enjoyable buddy picture, not for kids but worth a watch.

  145. Internet at home has been intermittent for months, it goes out, comes back up, goes out again. Finally it died last night and hasn’t come back yet. Landlord is pissed at the service provider, but won’t be able to fix it until Monday. Until then I’m stuck using my phone as a hotspot.

  146. Oh no, H2 really is dead.

  147. It’s not dead. Perhaps it has the flu?

    /holds up mirror to the H2 to see if it’s breathing

  148. That’s some really fine police work.

  149. So I’ve been going through some previous posts because reasons and I found this comment from Dave which brought back such incredibly hilarious memories:

    It’s funny and sad and sweet to me tonight I don’t know how many times I’ve been to meetups

    But this was a Boston one and Wiserbud cannot fucking deal with one way streets. He was trying to get me back to my downtown hotel.. I finally said “ok look, there’s a cab, he’ll know, just let me out here and I’ll get there”

    Went to the cab. Told him where I needed to go. I might have been drunk.

    Cabbie looked at me goofy and shrugged.. drove exactly one half block around a building and there it was right there. Wiser, cause he is a responsible drunk followed to make sure I got home.

    $1.43 fare and that was with the buck tip.

    I don’t know that Wiser and I have laughed harder on a street corner but that’s gotta be top 5

  150. This Dilbert strip is very funny for me.


    I sometimes have to work on a project that needs a certain level of discretion. Although my boss is aware of my work, he does not know the details by design.

    That project coincidentally has the word RED in its title.

  151. OMG. I inferred the gist of that story by references here and there over the years, but never really heard out what exactly happened. That is a golden sitcom moment.

  152. Fight Night!!! Work sucks on Holly Holm fight nights!!!

  153. >>>OMG. I inferred the gist of that story by references here and there over the years, but never really heard out what exactly happened. That is a golden sitcom moment.

    We were literally crying. We drove around that hotel for an hour without finding it.

  154. “That’s some really fine police work.”


  155. The stories from our meat-ups are freaking golden

    Laura and I traveling together
    Pete the cop
    Steve the Pirate
    Dave in Fountain
    MCPO & Rosetta sucking face
    The STLMU bartender
    Tushar’s balance issues at TITS
    Banglar Van Party

    I could go on for hours….

  156. Greetings, people who aren’t just the president of the Hair Club for Men.

  157. >>>>A drugs cartel leader known as ‘H2’ was dramatically machine-gunned to death by a Mexican Air Force helicopter in a bloody firefight.

    Anyond heard from Cyn lately?

  158. “Greetings, people who aren’t just the president of the Hair Club for Men.”


  159. Wait, Mexico has an Air Force?

  160. Only outside of harvest season.

  161. i think they inter-dickt naked chicks on party boats on the boarder lakes

  162. r

  163. Cold weather work boot recommendations?


  164. >>I could go on for hours….

    How about – touch my monkey?

  165. Jam 2, who are you on FB? I’ll see if I can add you to The Hostages

  166. Go barefoot, MJ. It’s Paleo.

  167. “Cold weather work boot recommendations?”

    Spend a lot

    1) Insulated
    2) Gore-tex
    3) Made in America

    I loved my Carolina boots. They lasted almost 20 years.

    These are the ones made in USA


  168. Go barefoot, MJ. It’s Paleo.

    HA HA H AH AHAAAA!! Wrong, but funny.

    *tases Sean with seventeen cattle prods taped together in a bundle*

  169. Oh, and no steel toe unless OSHA requires it.

  170. A good pair of boots is priceless. I always wear boots with grippy soles in winter. My third pair in 17 years. The first one was a cheapo one from walmart and lasted just 3-4 years. Next ones are better.

  171. I would just search all Alaska links for advice on garb. Great advice here.
    Especially for the little chemical toe warmer packs.


  172. HA HA H AH AHAAAA!! Wrong, but funny.

    *tases Sean with seventeen cattle prods taped together in a bundle*

    *stops smoldering*


  173. eat mud. it has been around since before the Paleolithic era

  174. I moved on to Danner boots. I’ve only had them a year, but so far I am impressed.

  175. Do a search for temperature rated boots. -40 F might be overkill. Maybe, maybe not.


  176. »»The stories from our meat-ups are freaking golden««

    Michael, a black vibrator, and $20….

  177. The cover song theory diagrammed on a brick wall

  178. It was supposed to be a $5 deal, Teresa.

    Michael didn’t make change.

  179. Unless you’re going to be ice fishing, watching a parade in February or riding a snow machine you probably don’t need super insulated boots.

  180. should coconut oil be stored in fridge? it may go rancid if stored outside. Takes too much space in fridge.

  181. I keep mine in the pantry. If you keep it less than 80F it’ll be stable for years. Shouldn’t go rancid since it’s almost all saturated fat, and rancidity usually required a missing hydrogen atom on the chain as an “in”.

  182. I still have about 2 gallons in the bucket. I use an ice cream scoop to keep a mason jar in the cabinet topped off.

  183. Jam 2 I am Connie Gorton on FB

  184. Miss Fish Sticks 1998.

  185. I was going to buy a pair of Danner boots but they’re not inexpensive.

    Maybe I’ll just pull the trigger.

  186. You get what you pay for with boots. It took me a long time to learn the lesson.

  187. Leon, I was just telling my wife that it is rare for me to meet people who have as much knowledge in various diverse fields as me. You are the only person who beats me hands down, no question.
    I don’t know what is it about your bald noggin, but it contains more information than is allowed in a civil society.

  188. Refined (does not smell or taste like coconut) coconut oil went rancid on me at room temperature inside of two years. I sniffed the jar and it wasn’t really a horrid smell, but it was obviously the smell of old rancid oil. The unrefined stuff (still smells like coconut) lasted until I used it all up. Somewhere in the same timeframe, I think, but not 100% sure.

    This would be a good side-by-side pantry experiment for some kitchen scientist with twelve bucks to burn.

  189. any oil that is not cold pressed should be avoided. I saw a video on how they make refined vegetable oil from oil seeds like canola. It is disgusting.

  190. “Vegetable” oil is industrial waste and damages pretty much every cell in the human body. Even damages germ cells and messes up your epigenome. Never, ever eat it. The only valid use of it is quenching hot steel when smithing.

  191. Thanks, Tushar. I just have broad interests and – for now – a decent memory.

  192. You, uh, sure your interests are all broads?


  193. “Vegetable” oil is industrial waste and damages pretty much every cell in the human body.

    All high school students need to take genetics classes, including the genetics class I took last year in college. It’s not that hard to understand, and it is absolutely vital information.

    Good night H2.

  194. >>>>Michael didn’t make change.

    Bastard still owes me $15

  195. Happy Birthday Michael!

  196. Mojo come to my house, a black derp bone
    And take my baby away from home
    Ugly ole Mojo where’s he been
    Up to your house and gone again

  197. ww

  198. New poat.



  200. Kids saw John Wick last night. THey like it.

    THey had to buy the first one because for SOME reason they had never seen it. I suppose it came out during their horror movie obsession. Every crappy horror movie that came out, they were there.

  201. […] H2 has Big Boob Friday. And some Rule 5 for the ladies (last […]

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