1. Yes.

  2. Verdict reached in the trial of “Gilligan”…

  3. Who is “Gilligan” and why should we care?

  4. Oh the Boston Bomber.

  5. The brother of “Speedbump”, Duh…

  6. Ab veins. I’m told those are gross.

  7. It’s raining men.

  8. Hallelujah.

  9. This is bullshit.

  10. I was busy watching all the episodes of Black Sails with shirtless Billy Bones. Thanks for HHD, Cyn.

  11. I can do next week. I’ve got one started.

  12. Joker guilty on all counts.

  13. I disagree with the death penalty, but here is my alternative. Sentence the fucker to death, then on the given day strap him into the electric chair, then when it’s time to pull the switch say “Nah, we’re not doing this today.”

    Then do that about once a week for the rest of the fucker’s life.

  14. Why do you disagree with the death penalty?

  15. You’re welcome, Oso.

  16. Thank you, Cyn. This is delightful!

    And why does the “like” button only work once?

    It’s bullshit!

  17. Many think the Commandment is… not to kill.

    It’s….not to murder.

    BIG difference.

    In a just society you do in fact kill those who need it.

  18. *kills mare

  19. Why do you disagree with the death penalty?

    Because it is immoral, and costs more, but mostly because it is immoral.

  20. I can get it done cheaply with the highest of ethics.

  21. I disagree with it because I don’t trust the state to carry out executions.

    Me killing someone who presently threatens my life or the life of another, and lethal force is the only way to stop them in that moment? Different thing entirely from executing an incarcerated prisoner.

  22. I also don’t think any state should have the right to kill its own citizens at any time for any reason.

  23. Glad you like, Mare.

    It’s bullshit!

    This: My motto of the day.

  24. *dumps some money into MJ’s Paypal*

    *begins making list of people who need penalizing*

    *adds more money to Paypal*

    *giggles at the penal portion of ‘penalizing’*

  25. I disagree with the morality argument, but I’m more and more open to arguments that the government far too often engages in misconduct in death penalty trials.

  26. Fry ’em all and be done with it.

  27. That’s gonna take a lot of fryer oil, and we just can’t afford that.

  28. Stealing a comment from Uproxx, about how Justified MUST end:

    long time listener

    There’s only one way this show can end. Raylan catches or kills all the bad guys. He’s back at the office, writing up his final report before heading to Florida. Art enters.

    Art: You almost done?
    Raylan (leaning back from his desk): Just finished.
    Art: (looking over Raylan’s shoulder at his work): Is that paragraph left-aligned?
    Raylan: No. (stands up, puts on hat) It’s justified.

  29. My spleen would fall out if they did that.

  30. http://imgur.com/phjX8RL

  31. Justified has kinda gone off the rails a bit this last season. Plot holes you could drive a coal truck through.

  32. **sets fire to the heretic**

  33. I don’t think coal trucks exist anymore.

  34. I was busy watching all the episodes of Black Sails

    I had it on slow scroll when I read that and didn’t focus very well. I thought it said “I was busy watching all the episodes of Slack Balls”. You know what…….I’ve got some slack balls you can watch.

  35. Some people just need killin’.


  36. I saw Slack Balls open for Split Enz in 1982.

  37. Because it is immoral, and costs more, but mostly because it is immoral.

    On such an open and shut case as Joker and Speedbump. No. It’s without a doubt he did it. Firing squad. Tomorrow.

    Dahmer – fry him.

    Cutting a baby out of someone’s belly – fry her.

    It’s the merciful thing to do as you would a rabid dog.


    A few weeks back, when Hartford’s new AA baseball team announced that they were going to be called the Yard Goats, I tried to start some shit in Twitter about how the name is offensively racist.

    Guess what?


  39. …the name “Yard Goats” is insensitive to people in the city’s Caribbean community, many of whom at one time or another may have owned or tended goats.

    I’ve owned and tended at different times a cactus, a tomato, an armchair, a car, sweaters, a Water-Pik and several doors complete with knobs, hinges and screws. I’ve also owned a lot of other things, and if you make any reference to them I shall take offense at your insensitivity.

  40. Comment by Mr, Chumpo on April 8, 2015 2:27 pm

    It’s raining men.


    Aaaand __________ is getting wet……………


  41. I find it hilarious that now, animal names are considered insensitive.

    Soon we’ll be back to naming teams based on the color of their socks.

    Which will then become offensive.


  43. Comment by leoncaruthers on April 8, 2015 3:09 pm

    Me killing someone who presently “at present” threatens my life

    Fixt /Hotspur

  44. How you can tell XBrad’s been visiting the sculpture garden……….



    I’m offended.

  46. Leave it to the H2 to fuck a sock.

  47. Leave it to the H2 to fuck a sock.

    Be honest. That’s probably the least disgusting thing people around these parts would do with a sock….

  48. I’m more of an ass man, Pepe.

  49. “Denver Broncos” is insensitive to ponykin, pony-players, and bronies.

  50. True story: I successfully named the 7th grade intramural team the Bearded Clams.

    No one caught on.

  51. San Francisco Pink Socks.

  52. Comment by leoncaruthers on April 8, 2015 5:54 pm

    San Francisco Pink Socks.

    Offensive to nudists.

  53. Also to Prolapsed Americans.

  54. San Francisco Rainbow Toe Socks.

  55. It’s racist to be offended over yard goats.

  56. Also to Prolapsed Americans.


    I’ve been watching too much Dr. Pol.

  57. CBS news is interviewing Obama about the relationship between global warming, oops, climate change and asthma. He’s dropping g’s to sound folksy, stfu….

  58. CBS: President Awesome, why are you so awesome about your asthma knowledge and science?

    LD: You know, uhhhhhh, ummmmmm, ummmmm, uhhhhhhhh, asthma is a fundamental calculus that must be global climate change happening. Ummmm, fundamentally, the calculus for global ummmm, change calculus must be fundamental.

    CBS: Of course.

    LD: I like paste.


  59. Don’t say “yard goat.” Say “demesne ungulate.”

  60. Privilege posters in residence halls are crossing state lines with the latest hanging in a freshman dorm at Marshall University.

    The handwritten poster also defines privilege as “not being asked ‘how does sex work for you?’” and “‘flesh colored’ matches your skin tone.”
    “Examples include white, male, Christian, cisgender, and heterosexual privilege that you’ve probably never realized or thought about,” the poster says.

    For once the usual college practice of drinking and getting high might be a rational alternative to English 101, if this is what you have to read.

  61. Cabra de pastor

  62. http://is.gd/K5Vjmi

  63. >>>LD: I like paste.

    Pretty well sums it up

  64. I hear Tom Hill is starting a local team, the Brown Field Remediators.

  65. I remember arguing in college that Miranda warnings were just coddling felons and were total bullshit. Tha probably wouldn’t be a popular position in college today. Might get me tossed.

  66. John Rivers tweets:

    Obama blames Global Warming for his daughter’s asthma.
    Hey, you know what does cause asthma?
    Living with a father who smokes.

  67. OHAI

  68. That’s the guy from The Hobbit.

  69. Is Roamy okay?

  70. >>>>>Is Roamy okay?

    According to Chad, yes.

  71. I’m reading Botany for Dummies.

  72. I’m reading your mom’s diary. Good stuff.

  73. Your mom is good stuff.

  74. I stuffed your mom good.

  75. Did anybody realize that the hour they thought they had spent listening to someone else talk was only actually about four minutes today?

  76. I told your mom to STFU.

  77. I’m fine, Mare. Last night was Science Olympiad practice, a quick dinner, and a mandatory meeting at Mini-me’s high school. We thought we’d be picking classes, but we got an hour lecture instead. Signing up for classes is now done online, but you can’t access the system until the registration fee is paid. No mention of that last night, nor was anyone collecting fees. So now I mail in a check and wait for it to clear before Mini-me signs up for classes. Came home and talked to BIL on the phone for a while, paid bills, and crashed. I remembered that it was Wednesday on the drive to work this morning. Oops.

  78. the hour they thought they had spent listening to someone else talk


  79. Speaking of talk, I liked this one.

  80. Did anybody realize that the hour they thought they had spent listening to someone else talk was only actually about four minutes today?

    No. But I did sit in on a mtg today that could’ve been over in 4 minutes and went about a buck fifteen. Cause their is some motherfuckers in the world that loves to listen to themselves talk. Some use a teleprompter…..some just ramble.

  81. Well, Okay then, Roamy!

    I too thought Sean was watching through your window.

  82. Sean watches through everyone’s windows.

  83. I texted Rocketboy during the lecture that I was bored out of my tiny little mind, and he texted back the lyrics for Rock Lobster.


    Rock Lobster.

    Down down down down down down.

    (It helped.)

  84. Comment by Hotspur on April 8, 2015 8:50 pm
    I told your mom to STFU.


    hahahah, You’re a lovable jackass, much like Rosetta.

  85. Comment by roamingfirehydrant on April 8, 2015 9:44 pm
    I texted Rocketboy during the lecture that I was bored out of my tiny little mind, and he texted back the lyrics for Rock Lobster.


    All the best families have hilariousness built into the way they function. Ours does too.

  86. Took the boys to the orthodontist for a check up dealie and ended up winning a movie tickets gift basket. Suh-weet!

    It only somewhat takes the sting out of probably having to replace one of the retainers that is only “momentarily misplaced, Mom, I swear!!”. @_@

  87. Lost retainer?

    That’s got to be a first.

  88. Exactly.

    Heh – they asked me today if I had “The Retainer Insurance”…. um, I wasn’t even offered that when we got the retainers. Jerks.

  89. I bet the dog ate it.

  90. A drone could have taken it.

  91. I should go check the straightness of Sparky’s teeth. He’s a wily one.

  92. Check the yard with a good flashlight.

  93. Is it a metal retainer or a plastic one like a whitening tray?

    If they have the original impressions for the retainer the whitening tray style should be cheap…the dirty bastards.

  94. We used to find Laura’s underwear out there.

  95. It’s clear plastic. And, truly, I figured that at least one would get lost.

    What I am NOT DIGGING is the fact that a certain boy has not been seen wearing his for quite some time and may be misconstruing the timeline as to its misplacement. *cough*

  96. Comment by scott on April 8, 2015 10:20 pm
    We used to find Laura’s underwear out there.


    Best comment ever.

    Cyn, seriously, they had to take an impression for the first retainer, trust me on experience they can make one from the teeth impression they already have (and therefore have an impression of when the braces were first taken off, so the retainer will replicate really straight teeth). And it shouldn’t be expensive unless they are assholes.

  97. Cyn, your son will pay for his lack of forthrightness by wearing the new retainer and having pain from straightening teeth that have shifted.

    Holy shit, I’m more boring than Sean’s one hour talk that only lasted 4 minutes.

  98. They are only a little asshole-y (hey, someone’s gotta pay for all those movie tickets gift baskets), but I don’t know either if they would still have the original impression from December when the braces came off. It’s not a huge sum, $158, it’s more the lying from the boy that’s irking me at the moment.

  99. So while Oso and Dan have sexy time when she decides to move into the bedroom, Lauraw and Scott have sexy time in the yard where Lauraw can be close to her cucumbers and scott can be close to his wheelbarrow.


  100. No, no; I’ve impressed that upon him too Mare.

  101. Cyn, not trying to make light of the cost but go with the $158. Some douche my husband went to who had impressions was asking $400 for a new retainer.

    BITE ME.

  102. Zoikes – that’s a crap ton of money!

    I do like the idea of seeing if they still have the original impression – it will be more perfecter so I will ask this if it cannot be “located”. Grrr… this “testing the waters” phase is going to drive me right back to the blue meth again.

  103. Lauraw and Scott have sexy time in the yard where Lauraw can be close to her cucumbers and scott can be close to his wheelbarrow.


    HA! Yes.

  104. Yes, do that. We found my husband’s under his bathroom sink. D’OH.

  105. But hey, blue meth was always pretty good.

  106. It was $200 to replace the one Rocketboy lost. I later found it in his room.

  107. Retainer found!

    *puts red meth away*

  108. Jim Harbaugh tweeted that Michigan Football will watch American Sniper.

    That just elevated his stock price about 100%.

  109. Retainer found!
    *puts red meth away*


    What the hell, was it in a pants pocket?

  110. Okay, now go spend that money you would have spent on a retainer on…let’s say a short Vegas trip or at least some good tequila or Vodka…it’s only right.

  111. was it in a pants pocket?

    The dreaded “safe place”

  112. He found it behind his desk.

    At least it wasn’t in the super scary place, The Backpack. {{shudders}}

  113. Tequila shots for us all, plus you may pick one of the hawt men from today’s HHD – it’s on me.

    *does the red meth anyway*

  114. Don’t snort the yellow meth.

  115. The Backpack. {{shudders}}

    **pours another shot for Cyn.

    If Buffalone and Random Guy show up, someone tell them I’ll be in Nashville April 23. Meatup, yes, threesome, no.

  116. Seriously, I’m retarded when it comes to posting but a good “theme” for HHD is the men of Hobbit.

    My pic above is only the beginning.


  117. I never had boys but I coached 8th grade boys for 3 years and I cannot say I get it, but I get it enough…((shudders))

  118. Shit. Next door neighbor of my youth and her daughter died in a single car accident.

  119. I would so do that Hobbit.

  120. Uehhhhhfff, xbradtc, I’m entirely too sorry to hear that. Prayers for you.

  121. What if there are cucumbers in the wheelbarrow?

  122. For years, mom kept trying to grow blackberries along the fenceline, and never could. Every time they got close to being ripe, the neighbor’s horses would stretch over the fence and eat them all.

  123. Sorry to hear that, Xbrad.

  124. Condolences and hugs, Xbrad

  125. Whenever they slaughtered a cow, they always brought us something nice. One time it was a five gallon bucket pretty much full of still steaming cow liver.

  126. Okay, so, completely OT here, and maybe to late to even put this out, but am I the only one who thinks it was wrong to have fired that cop who shot the black guy in the back before he was legally tried? I know the footage was certainly damning but dang, what happened to innocent before proven guilty?

    Or should I just stick with the blue meth and quit trying to layer-in the red meth??

  127. Employment isn’t the same as criminal charges. It’s pretty plain from the video that he violated department policy, AND that he filed a false report. Administrative actions like firing have a different standard.

  128. Fair enough. That makes sense, though it did seem a little bit hasty.

    Also, I will stick to just blue meth.

  129. I think the city wants to avoid becoming the next Ferguson. And the union, which would normally stand up for him, figures it’s probably in their members interest to not have the city burned down.

  130. I can see that too. They have to cut him loose to save… well, everything. Now let’s hope that the Al Sharptons of the world don’t decide to feed off of this… (yeah right, I know, I know).

    I have been out on so many appointments these last few days that I feel like I’m really behind on current events.

  131. Current events are awful.

    //eats paste

  132. Sorry XB.

  133. Should have used a longbow.


  134. Heh.

  135. I had planned on reading tonight. 2 hour rain delay and now possibly extra innings. I have a hard time watching the game, lurking on the computer, and reading books.

  136. Derp love, a boy and girl are talking
    Derp words, that only they can share in
    Derp words, a love so strong it tears their hearts
    To sleep through the fleeting hours of morning

  137. Wakey wakey

  138. I got about 25% of the botany book read.

  139. Fry ’em all and be done with it.

    Subscribes to Cyn’s newsletter.

  140. I’m a bad catholic and don’t care. I can only care about so many things and really be sincere. Murders, etc, I just can’t rally for them.

    Let ’em fry. They can work it out with God.

  141. Botany Bay? BOTANY BAY?

  142. I don’t trust the government with that power, that’s all. A cop killing someone should be under the exact same scrutiny as you or I doing it — probably more — and a criminal once captured isn’t an imminent threat, and for all I know might be innocent.

  143. Jay, I haven’t got to the part about the worms you stick in people’s ears yet.

  144. They can work it out with God.

  145. Oh, are we talking about the CNN BREAKING NEWS STORY THAT WAS ON ALL DAY.

    *yawns* Honestly, the dude is going to be in big trouble. It takes teh BREAKING NEWS BANNER and constant converge for a week to whip up the LIVs. They’ll get that base energized in no time, and none too soon for the next election.

    Bad cop. Bad thing. Trial. Jail.

    Personally, I don’t think that’s a death penalty thing. Death penalty is for the worst of the worst. And there are plenty of folks who fit that bill. Like that gang of kids who kidnapped that couple a few years ago, tortured, raped, killed one, then sorta killed the other and then stuffed her in a garbage bag to slowly suffocate, but only after pouring bleach in her mouth to erase the evidence.

    Those people? I could throw the switch and sleep peacefully at night.

  146. Exactly J’ames.

    Am I supposed to really care about the Apple Watch? Ga. They had a segment on the news, and the people with ’em demonstrating how wonderfully looked “affected” – holding their arms at an awkward angle, etc. . It’s even worse than seeing people glued to their smart phone.

  147. But, you can put Mickey Mouse on the watch face! And they have edgy commercials, and a cool watch band.

    Kinda like the Samsung watch, that came out earlier.

  148. Car in, that just proves that all right wingers are wrong, dontcha know? All cops are bad, and they shouldn’t try to do their jobs. And the really bad ones? Yeah!

    But we should treat every problem like a law enforcement problem, too. Because!

  149. The watch will be an epic fail although it has some useful commercial applications.

    And Car in is right about everything this morning. But its early.

  150. Daniel Henninger has a great article today. Pat knows I crush on him hard.

  151. Should I get a Kindle?

  152. I love my kindle.

  153. Paperwhite or standard? $40 difference in price.

  154. I have the paperwhite. Everyone has told me that it’s a lot better but I don’t have a comparison.

    It took a few weeks to get used to but now I love it.

  155. I don’t believe in reading.

  156. You’ve gotta love cop threads on the HQ. The paranoia comes gushing out the woodwork.

  157. Is it a scam?

  158. For reading get the paperwhite it’s very good. I read outside sometimes and you cannot beat it.

    Kindle fire is not as good for reading but you can watch amazon prime and netflix and what not on it.

  159. I love my kindle fire for reading.

  160. But its terrible for reading outside. For example at the beach even with a couple of umbrellas blocking the sun.

  161. Yea that sucks. But since I’m never reading at a beach …

    Mostly, I need something to read in the dark, because a book light keeps my husband awake. The only time I’ve ever attempted to read outside is when I’m at the sidelines of a soccer game, and I’ve never found I end up reading anyway. But I haven’t had a problem when I’ve tried.

    I also have enough paper books that if I EVER get to go on a vacation in the future, I can take a couple of them.

  162. I went with the paperwhite. I read on the deck a lot when the weather’s nice (so, August).

  163. I also have enough paper books that if I EVER get to go on a vacation in the future, I can take a couple of them.


    The whole point of having a kindle for reading while traveling is so you don’t have to take a bunch of books with you, or buy them there.

    I was flying a lot, and trying to do it often times with just carry on, every inch is important, can’t carry three paperbacks…which I use to do.

    On the other hand if you drive wherever, space isn’t a factor and some people just like the feel of a real book, I do. And going back to a particular spot is easier with a real book.

  164. HA! Jim Harbaugh making a stand on American Sniper influenced stupid U of Michigan to change the policy and show the movie…with Paddington as the alternative….*snicker*

    Can’t say a football coach at a big program doesn’t have clout.

  165. Yea, Mare, for me the reading outside is such a minimal factor. I can read mine outside (maybe the sun isn’t as bright? but I’m also usually under a sport umbrella). I do have a LOT of real books in my library I still want to read – so when/if I’m forced to read those … that’s a good thing.

    I haven’t taken a vacation in years so … maybe if I ever get back to that sort of lifestyle, I’ll get a paperwhite. The fire replaced my first one which was flimsy and cracked. I liked that the fire was sturdier, and the paperwhite wasn’t out.

    Also, since my computer sometimes goes nuts (it’s really old too) I like that I have the fire for emergencies.

  166. New post.

  167. You’ve gotta love cop threads on the HQ. The paranoia comes gushing out the woodwork.
    The commenters at the HQ are kind of nuts these days. There are some smart people but a lot of assholes and reactionary cranks.

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