Hola bishes. Here’s how I think a date with Beck’s guitar player would go…

MJ: I like you.

BGP: Police!

MJ: You wouldn’t shoot an unarmed black man, would you?

Police: Pew pew pew!


Please ignore the douchebag that introduces the band in the beginning. I did some research and it turns out he used to have a late night program called The David Letterman Show. I have no idea who this David Letterman fellow is but the host of the show isn’t very funny and I have no idea what’s going on with the band leader. Whoever David Letterman is, he should try to get his name removed. It’s just embarrassing. Please to be reading below the fold for Thorsday action!





  1. You’ve gotta love cop threads on the HQ. The paranoia comes gushing out the woodwork.
    The commenters at the HQ are kind of nuts these days. There are some smart people but a lot of assholes and reactionary cranks.

  2. I fell asleep between the Top and the Bottom of the 11th. (SYWM) Missed Votto’s walkoff single.

  3. So, wait, was this like a hockey game or something?


  5. I was gonna use that song for my HHD next Wednesday.

  6. Beck sucks donkey balls.

  7. Cool gifs, Cyn.

  8. The commenters at the HQ are kind of nuts these days. There are some smart people but a lot of assholes and reactionary cranks.

    Pretty much. I love the convoluted speculation that somehow the cop knew Smith and this was all a planned murder.

  9. John McCain says in an interview that he’s confident Lindsey Graham will run for the Presidency.


    Hoo Boy, the insanity in politics knows no bounds.

  10. Fun statistics of the day:
    My hometown in India has a bigger population (2.5 million) than 15 least populated US states. It is roughly equal to combined population of four least populated US states.
    And my town is not all that big. Its population is ranked 13th in the country.
    The two largest cities, Delhi and Bombay, have a combined population rivalling that of California.
    Apparently we fuck a lot.

  11. You all need to find a new hobby.

  12. Alex, suggest a better hobby, and I will pass your suggestion on.

  13. My hobby is fucking a lot.

  14. Tushar,


  15. Bird watching.

  16. Hotspur, I like your suggestion. I will pass it on.

  17. Alex. Indian women love macrame. The best thing is that Indian men and women can indulge in their hobby simultaneously

  18. Elizabeth Warren loves macrame.

  19. Well, I can see my suggestion, in comparison, SUCKED.

  20. Everyone knows it’s your mom’s favorite hobby, too

  21. Elizabeth Warren loves the peace pipe and large retainer checks from insurance corporations.

  22. I see the latest new country to visit here was Sierra Leone. But that was last year. Who is in charge of international business development here anyway? And why can’t we get a better class of country than Sierra Leone?

    *ducks and runs from Sierra Leone*

  23. Sierra Leone is a made up bullshit country.

  24. Sierra Leone sounds like a member of One Direction.

  25. Ha ha ha!

  26. Sorry to see someone gave Mare a ticket.

  27. I’ll give Mare a ticket.

  28. Your mom likes “getting tickets.”

  29. Click it or ticket.


  31. Adventures in junkyard.

    Not as much fun as it sounds .

  32. I’m going to look around for eddiebeat’s gutters while I’m here.

  33. Eddiebear.

    Phone keeps fixing that.

    *shakes fist at sky


  34. I’ve got mold in my seed starters. Should I nuke everything and start fresh with new seeds or wait it out?

  35. There’s only one way to be sure…

  36. So, with Tuesday’s elections, Ferguson, by an overwhelming majority, rejected the Soros-funded, left pushed, candidates.
    Also, wtf was Keith Ellison doing in Ferguson astroturfing far left candidates?

  37. Does this look infected to you?

  38. Oh, and local media is pushing that news to the back of their paper.

  39. Oh, and local media is pushing that news to the back of their paper.
    As Goebbels might have said, beasn, “there is NO resistance movement.”

  40. Comment by Hotspur on April 9, 2015 12:54 pm

    Click it or ticket.


    Lick it or Ticket…………

  41. Lickety Split

  42. Lick it and stick it… whaaa?

  43. You are all dicks!

    But that’s why I come here. SYWMs

  44. I’d love to see what that gal looked like who the cop ticketed.


  45. Liquor in the front, poker in the rear.

  46. Comment by George Orwell on April 9, 2015 12:26 pm
    Sierra Leone sounds like a member of One Direction.



    And Hotspurs right, Sierra Leone is bullshit!

  47. Liquor in the front, poker in the rear.

    *starts shopping at xbrad’s strip mall

  48. Lick it or Ticket…

    She should have tried that. Just being pretty doesn’t get things done.


  49. *stops shopping at xbrad’s strip mall

  50. *rethinks position on shopping at xbrad’s strip mall*

  51. *starts shopping at xbrad’s strip mall

    I think you mean landing strip.

  52. *Malls one of xbrad’s strippers*

  53. hahahaha

  54. Mauls

  55. The spelling is part of the joke you dick!

  56. joke, you dick!

  57. hahahaha

    You are correct, Sir!

  58. Your mom was in on the joke.

  59. Jay, ass kicking, I’ll do the assembly.

  60. Ass kissing.

  61. One of my hippie friends gave me a kaleidoscope as a wedding gift in 1986.

    Stupid thing has been sitting on a bookshelf for 30 years.

    I just found out it will fetch $100-$200 on eBay.
    Thanks Bill, wherever you are. (probably at a Phish concert)

  62. Scott is going to be a millionaire!!!

  63. You want to sell the Wedding Kaleidoscope? How insensitive!

  64. Snapped a photo of C3PO during spring break . . .

  65. Someone needs to make a haiku after viewing this gif:

  66. He would follow the Grateful Dead for months and months.

  67. Someone needs to make a haiku after viewing this gif:

    What did you search for — “What vibrates and smells like fish” ?

  68. No; I Bing’d “Compos’ future love interest”.

  69. Ass kittens.

  70. The more you watch it, the funnier it gets. I’m Crying Here.

  71. “What vibrates and smells like fish” ?

    I’ll take Things found in Mare’s nightstand for twenty dollars, Alex.

  72. Ass mackerel.

  73. Oh, I love to fish
    But I like jacking off more
    The best of both worlds

  74. Hey! Look what I caught!
    No, it’s not the clap. Again.
    An Ass Mackerel!

  75. Vibrating fish, wow!
    Is this how you loving me?
    Yes; please marry me.

  76. Ass Mackerel – ha ha ha

  77. Jackhammer of love
    You are the only one, baby
    God I love fishing

  78. MOOOM! Scott is posting weird header pictures of his marital kaleidoscope again!!

  79. Last one…

    Fishy fish wiggles
    D-batteries can’t compete
    That says it all. Damn.

  80. absurdist haiku blog

  81. Car in caught a fish like that once, but it was purple and double-ended.

  82. Car in caught a fish like that once, but it was purple and double-ended.



  85. Methinks Rosetta is behind this.

    Allison found a place where my pronouns were listed and then chose to misgender me anyway (My pronouns also include xe xem hyr and they them their).”

    In a later email, Mallon calls for the removal of all We Are Oregon candidates from the ballot.

  86. I am waiting for the opportunity to use this phrase:

    “Tell me your pronouns and I will fucking cut you.”

  87. I’m looking forward to calling someone “spivak.” It sounds like some kind of Hungarian epithet.

  88. Nah, just tell them “You’re pronouns are X, Y, and Z, and I don’t give a damn what you think about it.”

  89. Telling me your pronouns will trigger me.

  90. Can we please get the Hugo awards over with so I can stop hearing about Sad Puppies? I. Don’t. Fucking. Care. Screw everyone involved on both sides.


  92. That puppy needs a treat and a tummy scritch.


  94. Is this Hugo thing something I should learn more about, or should I just stick with the red meth?


  96. The Hugo thing was something of a victory over the cultural marxism of the modern Left. It matters, and it’s cluing in a lot of people who’d otherwise not give a crap to the deeply offensive “everything is political” stance being pushed onto every part of culture.

  97. Great conservative scifi novel: The Mote in God’s Eye.

  98. I thought Hugo was dead

  99. Weather on Saturday is supposed to be 56F and Sunny. I should do some weeding.

    And by weeding I mean chop down and clear like 50 saplings.

  100. That was the Yugo

  101. We should nominate Obama for a Yugo Award.

  102. Jordan Spieth looks really good. I like the kid. Going to be a fun Masters.

  103. I thought Obama already got the Yugo Prize in October 2009.

  104. Besides, the Chevy Volt is Obama’s Yugo.

  105. Obama is a Yugo.

  106. Not right; necessary.

  107. A classic “Who dunnit”:

    was it a carnal caper pulled off by an inveterate guzzler
    was it the climactic conclusion to a desperate desire to increase the herd….

  108. Where was Rosetta?

  109. A Yugo that ate a dog.

  110. I mostly read so every time I see Obama speak I think the same thing: he might actually be a little ra tard ed.

    Uh. Um. Uh. Um. Uhhhh. Ummmm. You know. Ummm. Uhh.

  111. Rosetta has been very busy


  113. Fun new topic. Also, Thin Privilege.

  114. Dear Mr. Rosetta,

    We regret to inform you that your request to become an honorary Rockette has been declined.

    While we appreciate your enthusiasm for sequined skirts, we don’t believe that it is a fundamental human right, or possible to fit a 400 pound pre-op transexual into one.

    Please stop lurking outside of the building begging to ‘be accepted’ like Bruce Jenner’s thong.

    That makes no sense.


    Haven Monohan

    Theater Director

  115. I liked this from Larry Correia’s blog:

    “We use the term SJW because it is far easier than typing out Perpetually Outraged, Searching For Offense, Quick to Accuse Racism/Sexism/Homophobia/Privilege/Patriarchy, Holier Than Thou, Politics Before Fun, Unholy Cross Between Communists and Puritans, Twitter Lynch Mob Forming, Career Sabotaging, Social Justice Crusaders. “

  116. Love, love, love that Jack Nicklaus hit a hole-in-one in the Masters Par 3 yesterday. Take that, Tiger.

  117. I’ll just leave this here for everyone:

  118. I took control of the remote at work today and made everyone watch baseball.


  120. “Also, Thin Privilege.”

  121. You will never see the remote again.

  122. Scott, they were already talking about putting it on top of the vending machines.

  123. * removes batteries *

  124. * hides channel changing stick *

  125. * burns ladders *

  126. Phat?

  127. Did anybody realize too late that they were about to appear pooping someplace where they shouldn’t be pooping on the security camera footage anybody else was playing for them today?

  128. Dan could’ve really pissed everyone off, he could’ve put the Masters on TV! At least baseball got people chatting and talking to each other.

  129. See, you can watch the Masters and talk about gardening.

    Buffalone, I will be in Nashville April 23. Are you free? (your mom is if you buy her drinks)

  130. Comment by jam2 on April 9, 2015 8:45 pm
    “Also, Thin Privilege.”

    You’ll pay for that.

  131. Bedtime. Hoping I won’t have fat chick nightmares.

  132. Man, I love nougat.

  133. Comment by leoncaruthers on April 9, 2015 9:22 pm
    Bedtime. Hoping I won’t have fat chick nightmares.


    Oh, and shut your whore mouth, Leon!

  134. You bet Roamy. I’m sending a buff mail to your yahoo.

  135. ^^^^Things that sound dirty.

  136. *smokes cigarette*


  138. Awww….Stitch hugs are the best!!!

  139. Extra Innings in San Diego. Free baseball is my favorite.

  140. Seen on a Darth Vader tshirt in Jal, NM today:

    Soy tu Padre, Mijo.

    I GLAR’d.

  141. I saw Fat Chick Nightmares open for Pussy Riot in St. Petersburg in 2014.

  142. PG was in Jal? GLARing!!!

  143. Pussy Riot may be the best name for a rock band evah.

  144. I was GLARing in Jal. At the Allsups.

  145. I miss English.

  146. Here ya go, Cyn.

  147. PG, did you get an Allsups death burrito?

  148. Ooo… a 40 even. Suh-weet.

  149. My kid loves Allsups burritos. He wants his own store……

  150. There is no nougat in baseball, just spit and body hair.

  151. PG, did you get an Allsups death burrito?

    No, I was sober.

    We used to call them Gut Bombs in college. They were the goto grub when you were about .25 BAC.

  152. Scott, if you only knew. (((Shudders)))

  153. RL friend’s familia manages the Allsups in Vaughn. CiL, Bobby, introduced Dan to the Allsups burrito. Road trips can be quite the adventure in NM.

  154. The road between Clines Corner and Vaughn and then again between Vaughn and Roswell is not an adventure. It is a test of your ability to withstand tedium.

  155. I usually stop and piss behind the Allsups in Vaughn. Since it’s the only restroom for about 200 miles along 285 there’s usually a line to get in. Based on the way it smells back there, I don’t think I’m the only one.

  156. New Mexico killed it.

  157. Hahaha Ugliest part of the state! People that like the vistas of Southeastern NM are deluded.

  158. Lauraw or Scott,
    Have you grown “Kentucky Wonder” beans?
    We have done “Blue Lake” and “Scarlett Wonder” but Anitas’ sister said to try these.
    Never heard of them…

  159. Beans beans, the musical fruit…

  160. It’s a gardening/canning thing, Jay.
    You wouldn’t understand…

  161. I sure as heck don’t understand.

  162. So, I work with a 63 yr old native Hawaiian. Her hubby passed away at Christmas. Pidgen english. She likes me. I actually understand her. I’m constantly translating 3rd world english.

  163. “I can’t eat beans. I break out in a rash if I eat beans!”

    -Superman II 1980

  164. I had bean salad with dinner.

    No rash, so far.

  165. Don’t derp it baby, lay the real thing on me
    The church of man, love, is such a holy place to be
    Make me baby, make me know you really care
    Make me jump into the air


  167. Up way to early.

    BTW, I wish I knew more of your home addresses:

    Nothing says I love you like a bag of dicks.

  168. I’m up right on schedule.

    Gym time.

  169. New post.

Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.

Comments RSS