Good morning, and welcome to another edition of Hunky Hump Day.
A poor explanation of Beatlemania and “Paul is dead, I buried Paul” (I’m sure my kids think I’m crazy) led to this song being chosen for today’s poat.
Awwwww.
His wife Barbara Bach was a Bond girl.
I saw Carrie Underwood‘s baby announcement and thought that her hubby, Mike Fisher was HHD-worthy.
Work has changed over to keyboards that require your badge to log in. This has led to people leaving their badges at their desks and when they leave the building, they can’t get back in. I chuckled at the reminder notice someone put on the door with pictures of badges for “America, Captain” and “Thunder, Thor”. (Had to look twice to make sure it didn’t say Thursday, Thor.) I’ll try to get a pic for tomorrow. In the meantime…
Yowza.
One good cheesecake pic, and I’ll call it good.
Thank you for your attention, and y’all have a good day.
236 Comments
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You accidentally pasted Ringo’s mug onto your poat. There’s still time to fix it.
Too good to bury:
Comment by Mr, Chumpo on April 1, 2015 5:50 am
http://is.gd/VBpKnS
Most people call these “headlines”:
http://www.nytco.com/the-times-rolls-out-one-sentence-stories-on-apple-watch/
http://imgur.com/gallery/z7hf5Dr
*thud*
Back from the gym. Good workout. Monday’s hike made the squats tough.
Good job, UConn:
http://network.yardbarker.com/author/article_external/18552938?widget=true
Niiiiiiiccceee
Car in?
The fuck is a charcuterie plate?
I’m guessing it’s the black iron one they serve hot meat on.
Sausage and seasoned meats like salami and pepperoni.
Every plate is a charcuterie plate.
Trick question.
*golf clap for the scottster
Don’t get me started
I tried reading that site, it mostly gave me contempt for the authors.
I hope they all get their wish.
Typical day:
Some are funny, most just make me sad.
Sat at my table
Three hours during dinner rush
Fifteen percent tip
Oh, so it’s a menu item not a type of plate.
Leon was WRONG! And about meat, too.
*mind blown gif*
Good food, good service
Everything was great, thank you
Verbal tip du jour
Your kid has drank five
Glasses of soda before
Meal. Enjoy diabetes.
I SAID it was a guess. I didn’t google or nothin’.
Di a bet es is too many syllables.
Haiku fail.
Fake doubles and no
Tomatos make Car In
Spit in today’s soup
What sides would you like
On the side is no problem
Read the damn menu
This is a humina humina humina post.
Has this happened?
That one is fixable, Jay. Just fill the whole damn glass with ice.
No ear pain, today. Yet. And beasnette comes home tomorrow, for the weekend. YAY!
Cardinal is sitting on my deck, calling his wife.
“Pret-ty..Pret-ty…Pret-ty…prettyprettyprettypretty
HAHAHA
Priest (in Utah) – Any bets as to whether Obama is going to pull a ‘Grand Staircase’ when he visits Utah?
Like · Comment · Share
2 people like this.
Mr. Smith – Is it wrong to pray for meteors?
3 hrs · Unlike · 6
Priest – Nope, I’ll take one for the team.
.
.
.
Priest – Thought about attempting an exorcism but I don’t think I could handle that much vomit.
My wife makes awesome sammiches.
What’s he calling her?
Pretty.
I see that not showing up is everyone’s april fools joke.
Well played!
I was reading. Now, I’m making bacon sammiches. Mmmm…bacon.
That sounds good, but I’ll just enjoy this salad, thanks!
I’m here Jay, just too busy to compose haiku
*licks window*
By the way, bulk bacon is on sale this week, $3.99 a pound. The good stuff.
Anyone gone to Amazon today? I laughed.
Jimbro is busy
He is here on april 1
Haiku negative
Heh, nice one amazon!
I hate April Fool’s Day with the white hot intensity of a thousand burning suns.
Nice your daughter is coming home, beasbsbsbssb. AND no ear ache. Your voodoo cure may have worked.
it is april 1
mare isn’t really happy
she doesn’t like it
April is fine, love it, it’s the half assed, bullshit, pranky stupid jokes I hate.
I like Bing’s cover page today.
Also, your mom.
Oh my gosh, kittens being super cute, my day has improved by a metric of ten.
What Rush is talking about is exactly what I thought was happening with Indiana’s law.
Astroturfing.
On or about 1991 I was driving back to San Diego from Hollywood one morning when the local DJ broke in with an important announcement. The space shuttle (Columbia?) which was scheduled to land a couple of days later had a problem and were being directed to land at Brown Field in San Diego near the U.S. boarder. I was tired and it was ten in the morning but I thought what the hell, I’ll haul my ass down there and see the Shuttle land. I knew where the airfield was and no big whoop.
Fast forward two hours; me and hundreds of other jamokes are lined up along the runway fence when the DJ comes back on and says April Fools, assholes.
Dirty Pool.
Don’t be so good at your job:
At UK daily mail they have a story about the Getty heir dying of traumatic rectal Injury.
Please lord, don’t let those words be in my obituary!
My favorite was the Sidd Finch story in Sports Illustrated, and people cancelling their subscriptions because of it:
http://www.si.com/mlb/2014/10/15/curious-case-sidd-finch
Mr. Chumpo that is exactly the bullshit I’m talking about.
Please lord, don’t let those words be in my obituary!
C’mon, baby… just the tip!
xbrad, you gonna go check out the space shuttle? Chumpo’s driving!
It’s Bullshit all right, unless I’m on the engineering side of the gag, then it’s pure bliss.
Jay, could you summarize? That link stuck twice for me on a blank ad.
Jay, the shuttle program is over. It’s like I don’t know you anymore. You don’t even science.
I only check out spacecraft when Roamy is my tour guide.
Comment by mare on April 1, 2015 12:53 pm
Jay, could you summarize? That link stuck twice for me on a blank ad.
——
Wait, is that the stupid ass April Fool’s Joke, that it won’t happen? If so, I’ll kill you. If not, please summarize.
NOT HAPPEN, OPEN.
Autocorrect can go to hell.
Not sure why, mare, it’s the original story on SI. It was a joke article, here’s the wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sidd_Finch
But if it was intended, that would have been awesome.
“traumatic rectal injury”
I’m thinking this was more than a front-to-back or back-to-front issue.
You don’t even science.
I do too! Here, read this global warming pamplet/newsletter…
I detest pranks and I don’t perform them. I lack the cruelty required.
I’ve seen… things… that should have caused traumatic rectal injury.
It’s terrifying what a dedicated practitioner can do to that poor orifice.
I detest pranks and I don’t perform them. I lack the cruelty required.
—–
Me too.
(shut up)
I’d like to see Harry Reid deal with a traumatic rectal injury. Lying sack of shit.
But I mean that in a nice way.
You all suck.
(That is not an April Fool’s joke.)
You all suck.
(That is not an April Fool’s joke.)
——-
That made me laugh. You dick.
You dick.
(That is not an April Fool’s joke.)
I like that song, Love Me Like You Do, I just found out it’s from 50 Shades of Grey.
The words have a little different meaning now but I like them.
LOL
Priest pulling a joke on FB.
“I have been invited to be part of the party that greets President Obama at Hill AFB on Friday. I feel so honored!”
The comments have me in chuckles.
Oh, that’s what that was. I just thought he was a particularly cool priest.
I can’t believe people think that 1. Father E would be invited or B. That Fr E would go.
*snorts with mirth*
” I think it would be fun to throw some Holy Water on him. Just to see him sizzle and hiss.”
Mare, he is real and he is pretty cool.
And like oso said, I can’t see him going unless he was decked out for an exorcism.
I bet he was crossing himself and holding back the bile when he said the part about being honored.
Can you guys link something about him without going to Facebook log in
I have to watch what I say on facedouche or the internet, or people bitch. OTOH, the lefties don’t have to.
Anyone else notice this?
I know he has a site that he puts his homilies on, but I don’t have the link. PJ actually attended Mass at his church when she had to visit ex-MIL.
I laid 6 soaker hoses on 6 rows of onions last night.
Commence the garden talk you guys!!!!!
Seriously, the motorcoach last night. Wow.
Shut it, xbrad, haven’t watched it!
mare, I think he does most of his snark on FB.
Oso, I haven’t seen him post his homilies lately. Maybe FB being it’s usual dick self.
Commence the garden talk you guys!!!!!
——
SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH!
Heigh Ho. (I H8 closing shifts)
I’m turning the compost heap and planting grass (not the cash crop, actual grass) in some bare soil later.
SMH
http://tinyurl.com/q3govqo
Good afternoon dilettantes and Tushar!
Sorry for the absence (not that anyone missed me), but I had a busy week and a half.
After flying the all-night flight from Anchorage to Chicago I decided to press on to the in-laws winter place in Fort Lauderdale immediately after landing.
The wife and kids were going to be there on Saturday for a week (Spring Break), so no big deal if I get there two days early. Plus, I’m usually a bit whacked for a day or so after a redeye, so I figured I’d recover on the beach instead of having to commute the extra two legs to STL-FLL.
Worked out great. Lots of beach time, saw a STL Cardinals Spring Training game, but decided to come home today because the flights were looking pretty full after today. Got the house to myself for the next two days. It’s kinda weird.
In a way it was awesome just hanging out with the in-laws for two days while I wrenched my body back into day-walker mode. Took long walks to the pier every day, hung out in bars (shocker, I know), met the locals. It was fun.
The in-laws condo is in Deerfield Beach, kind of an older beach town, but they were right on the water with a private beach.
So what are you poor people doing today?
*ducks
I laid a soaker hose on your mom’s face
I’m stuck in North Carolina at a working group and now reading up on the effects of Colorado’s marijuana laws.
Willie Nelson’s going to cash in on it.
He still won’t pay his taxes.
>>I’m thinking this was more than a front-to-back or back-to-front issue.
This wins the internets and almost made me snarff Coke out my nose in front of a judge and an attorney. Good job!
Ace is catching up to Hotspur on the despair.
Collapse is our best hope now. Rebuilding from the ashes is easier than resisting Big Brother with drones.
Construction, de-construction, Post-Modernisim.
Heh, who said I would never use anything I learned in Art School.
Heh.
http://tinyurl.com/nj85xla
Lemme tell ya, as a once-upon a time enjoyer of the science fiction, fantasy, and the superhero genres, I have fucking had it with de-construction.
And post-modernism is cancer.
It’s more like an Omnibus.
Are you the omnibusdriver?
Heheheheh.
Yep.
I like what you said about lacking the cruelty to want to prank people.
That type of introspection is virtuous.
Chumpo, I told Mini-me your April Fool’s story and a few other good pranks from over the years. I generally don’t do AF pranks, but I did enjoy forwarding the one with charge codes for the bathroom. (including a per-square charge for TP, per flush charge, and extra charge for “long dwell times”) Fooled the secretary big time.
I like to know my limitations, Chumpo. I hate when people do it to me, so I can’t bear to do it to others.
The worst I can do is the honest prank, like when I hold up one of my hot peppers from the garden and say “don’t eat this”.
I poured a glass of milk for him after he took it, then waited. He loves hot food, so it was really more of a joke.
I mean, I told him NOT to eat it. Everything after that is his ego writing a check.
Right O, Romitta. I come from generations of Jack-offs who love pranks. In fact one day a year isn’t enough so, my grandfathers kids and I would hide plastic grasshoppers in his sandwiches. (which he always brought home in his lunchbox and nail his shoes to the floor, saran wrap the toilets once a month, unscrew all the salt shakers and every kind of stupid thing.
so much dumb around that haus.
I miss it so.
I appreciate good pranks.
*puts matches in ScottW’s shoes, lights, runs away*
Guy I know bought a new car and his buddies at the bar started adding gas to his tank every time he came in. He bragged to everyone that his new chevy was getting 70 mpg. They kept it going for weeks. and instead of just stopping they got the idea to start taking some gas out every day.
When he discovered he was only getting 12 mpg he brought his car back to the dealer to find out what was wrong.
They had to tell the crazy man that 70 mpg isn’t possible.
Deb likes the dress her Grandma made for her!
https://www.flickr.com/photos/61777586@N00/17003524201/player/
Hell, that was 25-30 years ago and it still makes me laugh.
I’m trying to figure out the header pic, but I’m not too good at this abstract, modern art bullshit. Is it supposed to represent rape? Am I even close?
She got big. Either time flies, or she’s the biggest baby ever.
Scott – She will be 3 in May.
Guy I know bought a new car and his buddies at the bar started adding gas to his tank every time he came in. He bragged to everyone that his new chevy was getting 70 mpg. They kept it going for weeks. and instead of just stopping they got the idea to start taking some gas out every day.
They did the same thing to a guy at work, except it was an old Volkswagen Beetle he had personally modified to get better gas mileage. He spent a lot of time working on it, trying to figure out why he wasn’t getting the good gas mileage any more.
Beautiful granddaughter Chief. I see kids all day in my office and, let me confirm what you already know, she hit the genetic jackpot for adorableness.
MCPO, she is as adorable as ever, but I miss the wild hair.
GLARing in the breakroom at Scott’s story.
That is hard to believe.
Cute dress on a cutie pie.
Pendejo, I think it’s either Prince, Jay Z (spit) or Metallica’s Black Album.
I think I’ve shared this one before, but one of the better pranks played at work was on a guy who owned a Saab. They nabbed his Saab magazine before he had a chance to read it and had a professional printer slip in a prank article about how the heated seats in his particular Saab model aggravated hemorrhoids. He called the dealer and then the Swedish embassy when they weren’t solving his hemorrhoid problem.
That is awesome.
Can you imagine the embassy staff’s reaction?! 🙂
He called the dealer and then the Swedish embassy when they weren’t solving his hemorrhoid problem.
—–
Well, that’s pretty funny, Roamy.
Holy schnikes, MCPO, she’s an adorable child.
Yeah, I’m with Scott, some strange time vortex deal happened with MCPO’s granddaughter.
My niece turned 3 a month ago, so I am used to this.
Henry’s probably shaving by now.
His crotch.
We saw a member of our old church on Palm Sunday. He hadn’t seen Mini-me in 3 years. She’s now taller than he is.
Is he an old guy?
I was taller than grampa, but we were going in opposite directions. He used to be as tall as I am now.
Bwahahahaha, PG. I suddenly envisioned “My First Drag Queen Dress”
On my desktop I about lost whatever sense I had when I found a picture of Henry titled:
Creepy fan Henry
Do you tools remember that?
Leon, he is mid-50’s, so no, not an old guy. She’s 5′ 6″.
Do you think it would be Okay to link it? It’s one Rosetta had as a post here. It’s pretty hilarious.
Link it. Link it. Link it.
No Link. No Peace.
What do we want? Link it. When do we want it? Fuck Salt.
The original creepy fan:
http://tinyurl.com/3b6qee3
Henry:
http://tinyurl.com/nk9d8jq
Grampa started to shrink after 60.
THE WATER WAS COLD!!!!!
Add the http:
YOU’RE NOT MY REAL MOM!!!
Fixed it!!
April Fool’s Day – only thing missing is Rosetta.
Did anybody patiently try to explain to anybody else that killing someone and dismembering their corpse isn’t really a “prank” so much as it is a “capital murder” today?
Seanm, that was like….a couple of months ago…..and involved like a wood-chipper and shit.
Good comment at the HQ:
Whats funny is that for thousands of years the keepers of society’s knowledge taught against homosexuality as a plague that would lead to certain ruin.
Then a blink of the eye after that plague strikes, we are told that the old knowledge is wrong and we must normalize this lifestyle.
Sometimes on HHD I just refresh and DON’T look at the hunks, I think that’s wrong and I vow to do better!
“As God is my witness!!”
*shakes fist*
Cyn?
http://tinyurl.com/pmkhssa
I’m always thankful after we hit the critical mass of comments and I don’t have to look at the lewd photos of men anymore.
Lewd: crude and offensive in a sexual way
Leon, are you joshing us? Sometimes my sarc meter is…”off.”
If everyone can run off at the keyboard about trannies on Monday I can declare humpday photos to be lewd.
Ooooooooooo……… burrrrrrrn…..
http://blog.ctnews.com/politics/2015/04/01/malloy-may-not-watch-mens-final-four/
It’s wanton hyperbole, not sarcasm. I thought that was okay around here.
Good “prank”
I got hyperbole from your mom.
I got hyperbole from your mom.
I suggest broad spectrum antibiotics….
That pic of Ringo is anything but lewd.
If everyone can run off at the keyboard about trannies on Monday I can declare humpday photos to be lewd.
—-
Okay, good,
Ooooooooooo……… burrrrrrrn…..
http://blog.ctnews.com/politics/2015/04/01/malloy-may-not-watch-mens-final-four/
——
hahahahah……Asshole level: 11
awesome editorial:
http://www.orlandosentinel.com/sports/david-whitley/os-uconn-women-must-boycott-final-four-20150401-post.html
Every pic of Ringo is lewd.
Okay, I’m done. I agree with you, Roamy, but I had to say that last one for the sake of comedy.
Wiser that is excellent.
Comment by scott on April 1, 2015 9:54 pm
I got hyperbole from your mom.
—-
hahahahahahah
You know, I really do think “your mom” jokes are an art form/
What the hell is that back slash for?
Am I being monitored by someone who gets off on changing my punctuation?
Yes.
yes
——
Pulls out one of my several hundred hand made tin foil hats (designed to accommodate my pony tail).
>>>>Yes.
shhhhhhhhh……..
Pepe gets me.
Where’s Oso? Is she having sexy time again?
Hotspur…..Get the hoses!!!
http://i.imgur.com/MaOQLcO.gifv
Why is the header black? An April Fool’s thing??
Happy April Fools, fools.
I’ll just leave this here for everyone:
http://is.gd/GFdjXX
Whose turn is it to kick Buffalone’s ass?
hahahahahah
It’s pastel black.
I just got home from work. African guy at work was really into pranking people today. He has so much enthusiasm about living in America. I think Albinos in Africa are being targeted for death by witch doctors. He’s one of 3 Africans I know that have been relocated to NM that are Albinos.
http://www.theonion.com/video/deadly-super-rainbow-tears-through-west-coast,36464/
When Dan gets pissed off with his sister, he gets “Needy” instead of just telling her how he really feels. Win-win for me.
Chairs that we sell are starting to have weight limits on the signs and info tags. 325# for most outdoor chairs. Who looks at a freaking camp chair and thinks “Yep, that canvas and wood design looks like it’ll hold 400# easy. Here, hold my beer”
SiL keeps bitching about taking MiL to Mass. Fine. Whatever. We work on Sat/Sun. We live across the Rio. She goes past MiLs house to get to Fatima. Dan and I decided to just take MiL for Easter and Dan is cooking. SiL decided to get involved yesterday.
Dan spent today with his Mom. We’re spending Easter with her. Found out that we’re taking her to sign her taxes at the accountant on Monday. SiL can’t take her to Mass.
I love shakes. I’ve been limited to a few tastes since ’08. Stoopid Wilford Brimley. I’ve been trying to get Dan to take me to Sonic for 1/2 price shakes for awhile. Got a text from him tonight that he was thinking Sonic for after work. I get in the car, Dan starts driving home. Me: I thought we were going to Sonic? Dan: April fools.
St Paddy’s Day was 1/2 price shakes ALL DAY at Sonic. I thought we were going to go. Dan had been hinting for weeks that there was no Happy Hour, but all day shakes!!! Me 3/17: I thought we were getting shakes? Dan: They have Happy Hour everyday after 8, Wilford. Me: You never want to go out after we get home from work. Dan: No shakes for you! (Soup Nazi voice)
Oso-ing the comments. Wait…wha?
THX for the fat ass graphic at the end of the last post, Chumpo.
Young guy at work to Dan: You are so lucky to have Connie. She is so funny and she likes sports. I love it that she watches South Park. Dan:
Dan to me: Dave and Diego were telling me today how lucky I am to have you. Me to Dan: LOL What did you say? Dan:
Losing friends and family over Indiana and reichstag. Don’t care.
no sweat. I was working on that one for a bit, and laughing like a mad man. It’s fun.
Fat and gay is no way to go through life…
Major sadz about the whole gay kerfuffle. I used to be able to love the sinners and hate the sin. I cannot deny the sin, and they refuse to acknowledge the sin. Losing lifelong friends.
Watched Dumb and Dumber To. Gave me a new catch phrase.
Watch that man! Oh honey, watch that man
He talks like a derp but he could eat you with a fork and spoon
Watch that man! Oh honey, watch that man
He walks like a derp but he’s only taking care of the room
Must be in tune
Wake up!
OMG. I just saw the seat belt thing.
Hahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahaha!
Chumpo’s pretty good at visualizing ideas. He should get a job with that, dontcha think?
wakey
wakey
My neck is really, really sore. I have to work on my hiking posture.
Why did we only get one wakey (thanks for the second one, jimbro *fistbump)?
Is everything ok?
I had a cat sitting on one of my hands.
So, a variation of “dog head on foot”. Got it.
*starts a GoFundMe page for Car in
I bet someone ordered a steak well done
Sexy Sandwich
Yeah, that picture won’t be annoying all day.
*has a seizure
Slinkily seduces silently
People who do that hate steak.
I just started reading Follet’s “World Without End”. Just got past the bridge collapse. I enjoy the literary world he created.
I don’t know how long ago I had a McD sausage biscuit. It wasn’t recent, though.
I make them at home occasionally with one of the cheese-bread recipes when I’ve got a lot of mayo handy.
I’m going to re-read Dune in the very near future. I don’t own a copy, so it’s being brought via drone.
Jimbro, people order their steaks well done every night of the week.
I don’t know how I haven’t completely given up hope for humanity.
I haz a copy of dune.
I read that … I think I was about 18.
Do any of your regulars order it well done? I would like to think the people who order it that way are infrequent diners in restaurants and have an irrational fear of food poisoning.
My dad does that, at least medium well. He lets me cook them medium rare at home.
leon wants the spice to flow.
*keeps pushing seizure sandwich up the page.
No, it’s freaks who like their meat well done. Which, to me, means you don’t like meat. I mean, fine. Whatever. Well done, then slathered in steak sauce. WHy not just order a burger?
Saw an article in Bon Appetit about freezing, deep frying, then slow roasting a 2 inch porterhouse steak. Looks pretty good! Similar to the amazingribs roast then sear method (which is awesome).
Freak Meat would be an awesome band name. Their first album could be Seizure Sandwich
I read it when I was 17 or so, but I want to see it again with better-educated eyes. I was entirely uncatechized then, and I didn’t see a lot of the religious symbolism as I might now, so I’m curious.
Look, the well-done steak guy is still not a vegan. He’s just a mild heretic, not an outright enemy of all that is good and right.
I mean, I get that he’s deeply wrong, but let’s keep perspective.
He’s just saying that he doesn’t trust any of us to cook his dinner properly, so he doesn’t die.
It’s not an insult, or anything. Nuh uh!
Seomeone could choke and die on well done meat. Just saying. You’re taking your chances.
By the way, my use of “his” in the last comment does include some “her”s in there. Didn’t mean to upset anyone.
Don’t go all RFRA on me.
I think I’m going to build hoop houses today.
Why does Jay hate gheys?
New poat.
Jay, in English masculine gender is linguistically inclusive. The SJW/retard class has forgotten this, but it’s a fact. Most Romance languages inherit this trait from Latin, English borrowed it when it was separating from German.
Grates on me when I see people using “she” and “her” as though the feminine gender is inclusive, or the two are interchangeable. These are the same morons who use “gender” when they mean “sex”, and so we lose an important distinction and the language gets dumber for it.
My random son doesn’t like the blood and juiciness, he wants his steak dry and chewy. Like jerky. He says it’s his favorite food. When I cook it for him I slice his steak into 2 thin steaks so everybody else doesn’t have to wait for one well done steak.
leon, I just don’t want to be boycotted, so I’m being careful. Rules of English be damned. I can’t afford for my comments to be pushed aside to the ditch of history.