Thank you to all you wonderful Hostages for letting me spend another year as a part of your lives, your ups and downs, challenges and triumphs.
I can’t think of a single day this past year when at least one of you cretins hasn’t brought a smile to my face.
And Texas Jew, enjoy your dinner at the local Chinese Restaurant.
Relevant update [Leon]: My SS gift arived! We don’t know if it will live in the kitchen or the barn.
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Flawlessly naming puppies since March 2009 
Even Wiser and Wiserbud made me smile.
Anyone heard from Car in?
Thank you for making us smile once a month too, xbrad!
Merry Christmas, funny electrons in my magic box!
Someone should call her.
She can come to my house and have some armadillo eggs. They are pretty good.
I sent her a text.
You also might want to check your back door.
We have an 11 lb. rib roast for five people. She can come here, and there will probably still be leftovers.
Just heard from Car in. She bugged out to her MiL, and she’s OK.
OMG OMG, it’s a Christmas miracle. I got a Secret Santa gift!
Thanks XBrad. Poat to be updated, poathaste.
You got a gift from Xbrad? How are your dogs at sniffing?
Seriously, my wife laughed out loud. Thank you so much.
Photo added.
I didn’t hear the gunshot at 6:00:03.
I didn’t hear the gunshot at 6:00:03.
Mrs Caruthers was coming in from feeding the horses and saw it before any thieves could arrive.
Also, crossbows are quiet.
Actually, I was referring to something Wiser said yesterday.
Ah, I missed that.
Thanks xbrad
Merry Christmas to all as we Levites scarf up the Kung Pao tomorrow..
Holiday Bonus:
Saw this bumper sticker up in Las Cruces this morning
“My child is an honor student, but my President is a moron”
Don’t know if that’s old, but it’s 11!Eleventy! to me..
Off to church.
If you see a bright flash of lighting, that’s probably me.
>>>Even Wiser and Wiserbud made me smile.
How did I do that? I’m still alive.
HA! That’s a good one, Leon.
Merry Christmas my friends. I love you dorks.
Watching you two and DinT always makes me smile.
So I guess Xbrad is the only person who listened to the beautiful Christmas soundscape I created today.
I now understand how cults work. Total immersion into Christmas music has made me a convert.
I now LOVE Christmas music. Any and all Christmas music. I can never ever get enough.
I am now deleting all other music from my iPhone and will only listen to Christmas music for the rest of my life.
>>>Watching you two and DinT always makes me smile.
I’m gonna kill that sumbitch.
I told him to destroy that tape!!!
>>>Merry Christmas my friends.
And me too?
So, screwed up a little today.
My first half-hour was sponsored by some who bought the time in honor of the children who were killed at Sandy Hook.
I wasn’t aware of that. So I played a couple of frivolous songs.
Then I listened to the first insert. Them I saw the note on the CD case. “Play only sacred music.”
Wo. That was awkward.
Good evening Hostages.
8 1/2 hrs in the car with small people. But I’m here now and ensconced in my favorite chair.
Merry Christmas, Mr. B – and all of the rest of you lovely reprobates, too. Sorry I wasn’t able to listen to your show today, Wiser – I’m sure it was wonderful.
Rebecca is ready for the fat man with the bag full of presents to put in an appearance later this evening, DD#2 is making dinner for the family this evening, and we have almost all of our ducklings under one roof again (DD#1 is in CT with her boyfriend’s family).
God bless us every one.
I took that dialect test at Ace’s sidebar and the outcome was Albuquerque, Wichita and Chandler. Three areas I’ve never visited or lived in. Not even close.
Wiser, I am sure that the person who purchased the time will be understanding. It was an honest oversight; hopefully some of the songs were the type that schoolchildren would love. That should make it OK.
You have a good heart, dear one.
mare, I just took it. Dead on accurate for me.
It wasn’t even close for my wife.
I’m having a premonition about the air rifle I bought and left under the tree for myself as I watch Ralphie in A Christmas Story.
Jimbro, get your good buddy and eye surgeon on speed dial, no worries.
I think Teresa is onto something, Wiser.
>>>I think Teresa is onto something, Wiser.
Too late to do anything about now.
Hope I made up for it with this:
Have any of you taken the NYT dialect test linked in Ace’s sidebar? It’s uncanny. It says I grew up in one of three cities. 1. Amarillo (45 miles from home). 2. Lubbock (100 miles) and 3. Little Rock ARK (WTF?). Fucking uncanny.
That test could be reduced to two questions:
What do you call soda and what do you call grinders?
It worked for me, as Portland, OR Vancouver, WA was dead-on…
coke and sub sammiches
>>>coke and sub sammiches
Texas
Evening, folks.
So does Elvis’ version of Adeste Fidelis count as “sacred?”
** reads upthread**
**says fuck**
**blames mare**
I did fix one of the eye docs kids a couple of years back…she is a brilliant and eccentric surgeon but I’ll still wear eye protection.
Bang bang bang!!!
>>>coke and sub sammiches
Texas
Or florida or georgia or alabama or pretty much anywhere in the South.
>>>Or florida or georgia or alabama or pretty much anywhere in the South.
psst…
I cheated
Just heard Christmas Shoes for the first time ever.
I am so glad I didn’t take Oso’s advice.
What kind of sadist writes that song and what kind of masochist listens to it?
Did anybody tell anybody else that they would be visited by three spirits today?
Merry Christmas, you goofs.
Here, wiser:
>>>Here, wiser:
Get the feeling I’ll have to hold off watching that. (Kids are here)
True story: wiserbride’s aunt died of cancer on Christmas morning. S’been a sore spot ever since.
“Visited” by spirits?
No
“It worked for me, as Portland, OR Vancouver, WA was dead-on…”
Chrispy, I am Wa state born and raised. It put me into three CA. cities. smh
Get the feeling I’ll have to hold off watching that. (Kids are here)
Indeed, there is a hefty amount of teh sailor-talk.
True story: wiserbride’s aunt died of cancer on Christmas morning. S’been a sore spot ever since.
Yeesh.
>>>Yeesh.
Yeah. Christmas is difficult enough as it is.
Add that.
Then try to listen to that evil fucking song.
Christmas Pageant was better than I expected.
Youngest is sacked out under the tree in his sleeping bag. He’s wanted to spend the night there since he heard one of Paula’s friends tell a story about doing that as a kid.
Wiser, I listened to 2 hours of your program while I was wrapping presents and paying bills. I liked everything but John Lennon, but I understand that’s a popular one in blue states.
I took the dialect test and got Birmingham and Montgomery. Guess I’ve lived in AL longer than anywhere else, so that’s okay. Mr. RFH took it and got the nearest major city, so that was pretty accurate. My kids took it and got California and Florida. ?????
Yeah. Christmas is difficult enough as it is.
http://tinyurl.com/mzful82
Then try to listen to that evil fucking song.
Beats the McCartney song. I fucking hate that one with the passion of a million burning suns.
http://tinyurl.com/maw2lxt
My kids took it and got California and Florida. ?????
The first time I took it, it gave me three cities in AZ. The drive-thru liquor store question threw the rest of it off. Took it again and got Irvine, which is pretty close.
>>>I liked everything but John Lennon,
I tried like hell to avoid playing that, but I was running out of options.
And no, Dominick the Donkey was NOT an option.
>>>Beats the McCartney song. I fucking hate that one with the passion of a million burning suns.
I LOVE THAT SONG!!!
I don’t mind McCartney, but I hate “Winter Wonderland” where they change Parson Brown to a circus clown.
The dialect quiz named three cities forming a triangle with up hometown roughly in the middle: Boston/Worcester/Providence, RI. Not bad for a rough estimate. Some of those expressions were pretty funny.
I just read Ace’s “Bob Newhart and The Narrowing of Freedom” post. That was seriously some of his best writing.
I got ABQ, PHX, and DEN, the first time I took it. Couldn’t get it to post from my phone. 2nd time, three questions had been changed and I got ABQ, OKC, and Columbia, MO. I used to H8 Christmas Shoes until Sean introduced me to his link. When my Dad was 17, his Mom passed away from burns the day after Christmas. She was the glue in his family. My Dad had a hard time even celebrating secular Christmas. (I feel like Phoebe Cates in Gremlins)
Sean, yes it was. Bob Newhart has raised funds for Catholic organizations for years. His sister was a Nun. Catholic groups have been hitting him hard.
>> So does Elvis’ version of Adeste Fidelis count as “sacred?”
Yes.
It has been a very nice day today.
Sean, I really liked the 6-8 Black Men link too. I’ve PM’d it to a few people too.
Took the quiz, and it gave me Alabama and Florida. I’m sure it was influenced by my family coming from East Texas.
Not bad..
I’ve got Dallas Shreveport and Jackson Mississippi
I’ve lived in all three
Oakland, Stockton, & Fresno
I’ve never even visited these places. Ever.
Mine said Austin and Jackson MS
Dishes are done. Family is putting kids to bed before Santa comes. Fire is glowing. Rum is poured.
Merry Christmas, pals.
Are you using the ass cubes that Phat gave you?
Yes I am, Scott. But I washed them first.
Merry Christmas. TJ, if you saw that bumper sticker in LC, someone must have come into town to shop.
ass cubes would plant you square in south Alabama Scott.
You embellished that.
Nah. Ass cubes are old.
I have to drive to Dallas tomorrow.
AVENGE ME
xbrad, Moses and I were watching “Tank Battles” on The Military Channel this afternoon (I think this could be a new Christmas tradition, like Ralphie’s BB gun), and they had one on “73 Easting” from the First Gulf War. Moses was watching all the Bradleys & Abrams kick ass and take names, and then he asked me “Dad, how do they keep from shooting their friends”?
Smart kid, he picked up the biggest issue for our military right away. I had to change the channel when they did the one about Kursk, because the Russian veterans kept talking about how their tank commanders got blown to pieces by German shells. So we watched a documentary about sharks off Easter Island on the NatGeo channel.
My dialect? Kansas City, WIchita & Springfield, MO. Not too far off for Southern Iowa.
And J’Ames can vouch for the fact that we call drive-through liquor stores “Beer Barons”, because that was the name of the store in West Ames when we were in school.
Russ, eldest and I have watched every episode of “Tank Battles”
We love it.
Heh.
I’m such a dick.
“Convinced” the kids to go to bed early so Santa will show up.
They are both now in their bedrooms with the doors closed.
I walked up and down the stairs, noisily, about 20 times, pretending each time to be carrying something heavy.
right. Like they have that many gifts…..
Ass cubes are a scam.
Or so I was told….
You remember that one they used to have about aerial dogfights? Like a first person profile of specific engagements? Moses loves those.
Russ, you put that thing together yet?
Also made them do the reindeer bait thing.
They hated the idea at first, then laughed like hell while doing it.
Got a great picture of their hug afterwards.
Yeah… Traditions suck
Ca rin,
You got power & heat again?
Or, still hunkering-down at MILs?
We’re going to try to put it together tomorrow afternoon while we’re waiting for Fred “Dreamy” Hoiberg’s ISU basketball team to prison-rape Boise State in the finals of the Diamond Head tournament.
>>>Ca rin,
You got power & heat again?
Or, still hunkering-down at MILs?
Yeah, wtf?
>>>>while we’re waiting for Fred “Dreamy” Hoiberg’s ISU basketball team to prison-rape Boise State in the finals of the Diamond Head tournament.
aaaaaaaah, Christmas…..
*wipes a sentimental tear from my eye
Just got home, mess everywhere. Electricity is on. Rest of the family is still in Toledo. The Amazon stuff guaranteed to be here today, isn’t. I know it wasn’t stolen, because there were no truck tracks up to the house (just my husband’s car tracks leaving from this morning.)
fack. I don’t want to do the dishes or do anything.
It’s the most……prison-rape……time…….of the year.
I got my ass kicked one time in Toledo
Amazon says it’s “in transit’.
Think they’re going to deliver it after 11 pm?
fack.
She charge you double her normal rate for it DiT?
I am so sorry to disappoint mare this Christmas….
“Tales of Wiserbud’s Christmas with the In-laws” will be delayed this year.
Spending this Christmas at home
Fack. http://www.freep.com/article/20131224/BUSINESS07/312240095/UPS-shipping-system-overload-delay
Of course, this is bs, since it SAID it was already sorted, etc, and out for delivery.
>>>Of course, this is bs, since it SAID it was already sorted, etc, and out for delivery.
Best avatar match ever!
>>>I got my ass kicked one time in Toledo
You misspelled “raped”
“Tales of Wiserbud’s Christmas with the In-laws” will be delayed this year.”
I’m pretty disappointed, the laughs so worth your pain.
It’s only rape if he says no, Wiser.
I am sooo tempted to take all the gifts that wiserbride and I placed under the tree and put them in the garage.
Someone please talk me out of this
>>>the laughs so worth your pain.
*forces a smile through gritted teeth
Aren’t they?
>>>It’s only rape if he says no, Wiser.
I TOLD YOU, DAVE!!
*stupid lawyers and their stupid DNA tests
Get your transsexual decoder ring out, hosefuckers, to recieve your holiday message.
2-5 19-21-18-5 20-15 4-18-9-14-11 25-15-21-18 15-22-1-12-20-9-14-5
Merry f’in Christmas, and don’t shoot YOUR OWN eyes out.
Heh.
My phone thinks Russ’s numbers are phone numbers. So I stupidly click them.
“Berhenti memanggilku. Saya tidak tahu siapa pun bernama “Russ””
I honestly thought Russ had done some kind of cool treasure hunt.
Now I have a $1200 phone bill.
From my rough translation of what they told you, wiser, you will recieve no monetary compensation….but on your deathbed, you will recieve perfect consciousness.
So I guess you got that going for you. Which is nice. I think.
Klatu birada nicto
>>So I guess you got that going for you. Which is nice. I think.
Goonga galoonga. Goonga.. goonga galoonga
Dave said it wrong! Shit, now we’re gonna have deadites.
>>>Shit, now we’re gonna have deadites.
I could ban him.
You want I should ban him?
I can do that, yannow.
Btw, Russ, how old is Moses now?
Too late for that. Now he’s gonna have to clamp a Stihl on his arm-stump and help us man the castle walls.
He’ll be 6 on March 11. Same day that Brewfan turns 96.
>>>Now he’s gonna have to clamp a Stihl on his arm-stump and help us man the castle walls.
I prefer if he clamps it on his bionic knee
Wiser, I want to be the first to wish you an exceptional new year.
>>>Wiser, I want to be the first to wish you an exceptional new year.
Mare, I’m going to break character here for just a moment and tell you, sincerely….
Thank you and I love you.
I cannot wait to hug you
Love you guys. Smiling is my favorite. You guys always make me smile. Especially Pepe yesterday with his Mi chi gan comment.
>>>He’ll be 6 on March 11.
Holy. Crap.
6 years. Plus the years prior we been dicking around on these stupid blogs.
Holy. Crap. I’ve known you longer than most of my RL friends!
>>>Same day that Brewfan turns 96.
Brew offered me a chance to go to a Brewers game with him back when I traveled.
I am so pissed at myself for not taking him up on that.
I think we would have had a blast
You’ve seen me vomit twice, and that’s once more than most of my family has seen.
Love, hugs, and kisses to everyone.
Wiser, your kids aren’t going to care about how “big” Christmas is this year, only that it is filled with the joy and laughter of being with those they love the mostest in this world.
A baby was born this night in a stable halfway around the world from here – Joy To The World.
>>>You’ve seen me vomit twice,
One time in the standard fashion and one time in the “will live forever in H2/IB HISTORY!!!!” fashion.
Still waiting for you to kick our asses in go-kart racing….
It was a mighty vomit.
You done good.
And now you know why I said “fuck it’ and slept it off.
>>>Wiser, your kids aren’t going to care about how “big” Christmas is this year, only that it is filled with the joy and laughter of being with those they love the mostest in this world.
Well, we do laugh.
Thanks, TiF.
I blame Rosetta.
>>>And now you know why I said “fuck it’ and slept it off.
You dumbass. You missed an awesome time.
Btw, I never vomit.
Pacing…..
Wiser, you’re a good one.
>>>I blame Rosetta.
Trust me.. You do not want to try to keep up with that man.
Spoke to him yesterday. All is well with them. He’s busy as hell.
But he may find time to become a regular in my show.
Which could be interesting….
>>>Wiser, you’re a good one.
shhhhhhhh……
My newest nephew is standing up and walking and stuff. Crazy.
Wiser, are you home, or up at the farm?
*pictures wiser wearing a Johnny Ramone wig and asking all his guests “are those real?” and “do you do anal?”*
He should fit right in. BA-BA-BOOEY!
>>>Wiser, are you home, or up at the farm?
Home.
Merry Christmas, sweetheart!
>>>My newest nephew is standing up and walking and stuff. Crazy.
Yeah, they do that
>>>*pictures wiser wearing a Johnny Ramone wig and asking all his guests “are those real?” and “do you do anal?”*
S’been done.
I was thinking more along the lines of “do you have conservative leanings?”
Merry Christmas, tall glass of sugar!
Your wife emailed me about getting together soon. We need to get our act together.
>>>Your wife emailed me about getting together soon. We need to get our act together.
Already took next Tuesday night off.
Russ,
ovaltine?
Has my Little Orphan Annie decoder ring failed me again?
Merry Chritmas Hotsausages Errywhere!
HI CYNABUNS!!!
We’ve missed each other the last few weeks.
Or you have been ignoring me.
Either way, Merry Christmas, baby!
So, kind of an O’Henry deal going on here.
I stopped drinking so we could afford our new health insurance rates.
Wiserbride told me today that she dropped our health plan so she could continue to purchase vodka for me.
#conflicted
#conflicted
*hands you a filled ice bucket*
Enjoy buddy. Merry Ho Ho!
Cool sign, Leon.
*sighs
Yannow, if I could have compressed that joke down to 140 characters, it would have been an awesome tweet
>>>*hands you a filled ice bucket*
I like the way you think….
>>>*sighs
Heh heh heh.
Car In got mared.
Lots of shipped stuff has straggled in this year. Several SS recipients are receiving late this year.
So Rosetta told me that his new puppy briefly flipped out and accidentally injured Henry in the upper lip.
Facial injuries bleed profusely, as most people know.
Henry’s fine now, but Rosetta and bride flipped out when they saw Henry’s face covered in blood.
He was telling me this and I was laughing sympathetically, remembering all the OMG TRAUMA!!!! moments I’ve been through with my kids.
So funny to think about the big man reduced to a blubbering idiot over that stuff.
*snags a coupla ice cubes then clinks glasses with everybody*
>> You dumbass. You missed an awesome time.
Yeah. But we got the cab ride bullshit.
We made some stuff I have no regrets. Well ok, seeing Russ barf. I missed that.
But I have no regrets.
*clinks glasses with Cyn*
>>>But I have no regrets.
None?
Come on…….
Not even one?
Need some global warming to get the mail to deliver on time, dammit.
Presents to BIL in PA and SIL in WV were also delayed. I paid extra to get them there Monday. Not there yet, will be Thursday, possibly Friday.
nope.
Merry Christmas wiser. I love you my brother.
(well ok maybe one)
I regret not driving down to CT when I was in NH.
Regrets, I have a few…
>>>>Merry Christmas wiser. I love you my brother.
I love you too.
Damn, I hate when you do this to me.
*still waiting for that call
>>>I regret not driving down to CT when I was in NH.
Next time, I’m driving up to NH.
No reason.
Just for the hell of it.
ROAD TRIP!
Btw, Roamie, thank you for the squishee hug CD.
Bumper music FTW!!
I’m out, my beloved Hostages
Merry Christmas to you all and, as BenK said, to those who don’t celebrate the day, have a nice Wednesday.
Holy fucking shit! We had a squirrel in the house! Mr. RFH captured it in a box, while Rocketboy peeled me off the ceiling. AUGH!
Back from Mass, presents opened. Time for sleep.
Merry Christmas, everyone.
and you’re welcome, Wiser.
**still trying to let go of the ceiling**
Dammit, dinner with friends was nice, but could NOT get out of there. I was ready to leave about 2 seconds after desert, but people wanted to stay and talk.
Talk?
WTF?
That’s what I have you people for!
Hey, roamy, when you climb down from the ceiling, listen to these:
everyone I know on FB is an idiot and everyone here’s asleep. Dammit.
Nope.
Nope nope
Nope on a rope.
Oh, I guess you aren’t ALL old farts then 😛
They’ve got cars big as bars
They’ve got rivers of gold
But the wind goes right through you
It’s no place for the old
When you first took my derp
On a cold Christmas Eve
You promised me
Broadway was waiting for me
Merry Christmas, All Y’all!
Merry Christmas from Casa de Miguel.
Morning, children. Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas! Going to leave this up for the morning and have an afternoon HHD.
Never mind, Cyn has a new poat up.
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