These need no words…
MUTHAFUCKIN BOOTLEG GHETTO BAR
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These need no words…
MUTHAFUCKIN BOOTLEG GHETTO BAR
May 30, 2012
Categories: bbq, Blue Man Group, Happy, Hulk Smash, Hunks, Hunky Hump Day, It must be true!, Merry Christmas, You're gonna love my nuts, Your mom likes this . . Author: Cyn, Widgets Fixerer
421 Comments
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March 3, 2021
Our government is a giant shitball of incompetents, liars and fascist pricks.
Yes, yes, yes.
NOW it’s Wednesday.
Ahhhhh! Cowgays!
I figure only 40% ghey.
.
Okay, maybe 60%.
I just
can’tquit you.morning Cyn XBrad MJ
I’ll take the first one and the last one.
TYVM.
Yeah, 60%.
Minimum.
Where the eff is Gabe?
Morning Krow.
Heya Krow.
Thanks for the ruling, Hotspur; it was kind of a toss up on No. 4, but the hair on his chest is dreamy.
hey cyn, i have hair on my chest
its my cat, wont get off
but the hair on his chest is dreamy.
Required wear for lapeerpalooza:
Rawr!
Chest Merkins.
Hunh.
three slightly weird racial stereotypes Ive heard this week
1. blacks cannot swim in anything but a shallow pool
2. mexicans have shrines to Mary, mother of Jesus , in upright bathtubs
3. white trash collect beer tabs for a mythical prize of free tickets to nascar
personally, i need to stay away from the local bingo hall
Hahahahahaha. Merkin!!!
I introduced that term to my friends in Portland. We laughed like school girls for a few days.
*passes officially licensed Choom Gang™ bong.
Blacks do have very high rates of non-swimmers. They tried to address that in Detroit last year by offering free swimming lessons.
3. white trash collect beer tabs for a mythical prize of free tickets to nascar
Mythical? MYTHICAL?!?
Shit.
2. mexicans have shrines to Mary, mother of Jesus , in upright bathtubs
——————————-
The preferred nomenclature is Maria, dude.
OMG there ARE bathtub Mary’s!!!!!
Mythical? MYTHICAL?!?
I heard Six Flags takes them.
No Habla Espanola Dude
*takes Choom Gang™ bong from MJ, glances at price sticker still on it, does major hit, scrapes off sticker with fingernail, exhales slowly, hands bong back to MJ*
You paid too much.
when my grandma died she had over 10k books of Green Stamps
I heard Six Flags takes them.
Oh hell yeah–NOW we’re talkin’!
2. mexicans have shrines to Mary, mother of Jesus , in upright bathtubs
*spits coffee*
HAA HA HA HA HAA
When I was a kid in Hartford, the bathtub Madonna was a common sight in some little old Italian ladies’ yards. Sometimes it was a cement thing painted blue inside, but a lot of times it really was an old cast iron bathtub.
You paid too much.
—————————
Didn’t pay a dime. I won it in a battle of wits with a half white, half black, 100% asshole way back in 1979. I was on vacation in Hawaii.
when my grandma died she had over 10k books of Green Stamps
Remember how on The Brady Bunch they saved their Green Stamps and the boys wanted to buy a chain for their pocket watch and the girls want to get a new doo-dad for their hair?
I may be misremembering that.
I was on vacation in Hawaii.
*snickers*
Remember how on The Brady Bunch they saved their Green Stamps and the boys wanted to buy a chain for their pocket watch and the girls want to get a new doo-dad for their hair?
That was the episode that was written by O. Henry, I believe.
Fucking sell-out.
>> When I was a kid in Hartford, the bathtub Madonna was a common sight
I’ve seen em in neighborhoods in Austin and San Antonio. At first I had no idea that was actually a bathtub.
Lots of those here too in certain parts of the town.
I don’t go to those places.
house up the street from me had one.
It was the first thing the new owners removed.
Must have been a tough call.
There’s also a guy who owns a piece of corner property about a mile from me where, at least 10 years ago, some kid died while sleighriding.
His front yard became a place where the memorials were left.
10 years later, people are still putting flowers and candles there.
I appreciate the family’s loss, but damn, give this guy his property back. Imagine trying to sell your house and having to explain to the prospective owners “Oh yeah, btw, yer gonna have to deal with this for the rest of time….”
That was the episode that was written by O. Henry, I believe.
Fucking sell-out.
Of course, my favorite Brady Bunch episode was the one in which they wall up “Alice” in the basement.
Bitch couldn’t tell Amontillado from Sherry.
I liked the episode where Alice caught Peter masturbating, but instead of running from the room, she offered to help.
See, now, I laughed like hell at the episode where Alice came back early from Sam’s Butcher Shop and caught Mr. Brady and his architect buddy in the bondage gear.
Or that one time where Mike caught Alice and Carol with Greg….
HaHa! That was a good one!
Or the one where Marsha tries out for the football cheer leading team and has to do all the football players for the initiation…
When I was a kid in Hartford, the bathtub Madonna was a common sight in some little old Italian ladies’ yards. Sometimes it was a cement thing painted blue inside, but a lot of times it really was an old cast iron bathtub.
When I was ten, my parents bought a home from an old Mick that had Bathtub Mary at one end of the backyard and Bathtub Jesus at the other. For part of one summer, we (eight sibs & I) would divvy up into sides for a soccer-like game – Jesus and Mary were perfect goalies. My team was always “The Holy Rollers.” My brother’s team name was blasphemous. Anyway, we had a ball that was a bit smaller than a soccer ball that would fit between the statues and the side walls of the bathtubs. At first, the statues’ hands didn’t fare so well, and then the statues themselves didn’t fare so well, but the game was a blast.
When Jesus and Mary met their inevitable demises, my father tasked me with digging out the bathtubs. They, indeed, were 6 and-a-half foot cast-iron tubs buried 3 and-a-half feet deep. They were really heavy for a ten/eleven year-old, too. I think I’m still scarred, actually – it’s the kind of thing that needs to be passed on to another generation, and I’ve got no kids.
Remember that episode where Bobby ritually tortured and killed Tiger, and Greg and Peter spent the rest of the episode trying to find another dog that looked like Tiger so their parents wouldn’t find out?
That episode where Greg dressed up in Carol’ underwear and makeup was a bit . . . uncomfortable.
Remember, when you work out, you need to stretch too!
http://flic.kr/p/c7bADY
What about that episode where Bobby and Cindy got all hopped up on jenkum and stole that cop car?
How about the episode where Jan came out?
Best line of that episode?
“mmmmm…. marcia…. Marcia…. MARCIA!!!”
I laughed my ass off.
Sweet baby goodness, Chief! What a beauty.
Sweet baby goodness, Chief! What a beauty.
ditto, granpappy.
Remember the one where Carol and Sam play Gynecologist’s Office in the back of the butcher shop and she ends up tying his feet to the stirrups. That might have been season two or three.
Awwww, she looks like she’s grown a bunch already!
Hahah, Cyn! That was the prequel to the episode where Alice tricked Carol into going away for a girls’ shopping weekend, but ended up seducing her into marathon Sybian session at the Thousand Oaks Red Roof Inn!
Or the one when cousin Oliver comes to visit and gets the whole family hooked on meth because he secretly mixed it in with the sugar. HA!
I think I remember that, Jazz. Was that the episode where Alice later opened the hotel curtains and collected money from cars that came to park and watch Carol ride?! They made a FORTUNE if I’m remembering right.
Hahah – YUP!!! Carol was like a PBR champ, too – one hand in the air the whole time.
Well, this isn’t ideal.
The long weekend fucked up my cash flow. With a short day today I have to figure out how to be homeless for a day or two.
I was always so touched at the one where we learn that the real reason Peter lost his voice was giving blow jobs to all the talent show judges so the kids would win first prize. His sacrifice for his brothers and sisters kinda got to me.
What about when Mike lost his job but was so embarrassed that he couldn’t find work that he started selling blowjobs out of the back of the family station wagon?
And I understand the need to wrap every episode up in 22 minutes, but seriously? He gets his job back after blowing his old boss in the weakest case of mistaken identity I’ve ever seen? Like there were so many other people in town who had both a wood-paneled station wagon and a goofy looking afro?
That’s when the show jumped the shark, imo.
Crap Jewstin. How can we help? Are you still in WY??
Dang, Jewstin. That sucks.
With a short day today I have to figure out how to be homeless for a day or two.
It’s easy….
Bus station… newspaper…..
done and done.
Yeah, wiser, but when he started pimpin’ out Bobby to his “architect” buddies for windowpane and PCP…. You know, some people thought that hit kinda close to home.
Huh. It can get worse.
I’m having lunch and the guy a couple of booths over is describing his tumor and the bacterial infection dissolving his skull.
Yep, I’m still in Wyoming. I was slowly pulling ahead, but I completely forgot about the holiday weekend.
I’m thinking Cyn missed her calling as a script writer! Oh, and a cowboy wrangler.
I really hope those are the rantings of a returned abductee. Fingers crossed that he has an antenna in his ass, too.
Remember when Greg brought home the crack whore who looked exactly like Carol and had her living in his attic bedroom?
Oh the hijinks….
Hi, sessy mare. 😉
Remember when Carol got all blotto on scrips and booze and had the three boys play “bukake mom” with her?
but I completely forgot about the holiday weekend.
Oh, I’ve had that happen before….
Usually after the weekend was over, but it’s kinda the same thing, right?
You people are sick. The Brady Bunch is an American treasure.
It taught me about the virtues of honestly, integrity, and that it’s ok to fuck a step sister because they aren’t blood relatives.
Mare!
How about the time that Peter kept repeating “pork chops and applesauce” over and over again until Alice smashed him in the face with a cast iron frying pan?
Who?
I really think it went over the top when Marcia was taking her driving test and mowed down all those people on the sidewalk, but STILL got her license when she bent over for the instructor. Pul-eeeze.
Cyn you make it sound like what Marcia did was wrong.
My favorite was the one when they went camping, and all got anally raped in the backwoods of West Virginia.
I thought Cindi was a little young for anal…
“MJ , I am your father!”*
In Darth Vader voice.
Or the time Mike and Carol left Alice in charge, and she made them work like slaves with almost no food and forced them to soil themselves before letting them off the work line or away from the table to use a restroom, and at night, she made them massage her with shea butter and BenGay? That was a great recipe, BTW
Remember where Peter threw the football and broke Marcia’s nose so badly that it drove the bone into her brain and then she had to wear diapers for a week. I loved the sports themed ones.
^^
Weird. I was just thinking that comment was over the top, then in comes car in to make it all work. Nice job.
“MJ , I am your father!”*
Her-mare-phrodite. 😛
It wasn’t so much as wrong, Mare, just… predictable. The show had really lost its edge by then.
ha, MJ. I think my comment had a tad more class, though.
the one where we found out Cindy was a nork assassin and she butchered the rest of the family Brady as a “message” wasn’t as compelling as it may sound
i thought the entire Carol/Mike swinger storyline arc was a tad forced.
MJ, “John Wayne Gacy” humor plays well to this crowd.
“MJ , I am your father!”*
——————————
*kills self with butter knife
i thought the entire Carol/Mike swinger storyline arc was a tad forced.
The pegging thing wasn’t, though.
Or the time when Alice introduced the family to Japanese for dinner one night, but then didn’t tell them until days later why Hashimoto the Gardener needed to be replaced.
You know what’s forced? Me, sucking in my gut 24/7. Now that’s forced.
Remember the episode where Tiger was digging in the back yard and accidentally dug up Mike’s first wife?
Talk about a comedy of errors.
Bus station – motel parking lot, closed at 11:00 p.m.
Airport – too far away.
I liked the episode where Peter worked as a coke mule for the Zeta cartel, and had a kilo shoved up his ass when the bags broke open, killing him on the flight home. Then when Greg went to pick up the body, they cut him open, dried his liver, and did lines of Peter/coke.
Bus station – motel parking lot, closed at 11:00 p.m.
Airport – too far away.
Oh come on, let yerslef get picked up at a bar and you’ll be all set.
You may have to put out, but we all pay one way or another.
i thought the entire Carol/Mike swinger storyline arc was a tad forced.
Maybe, maybe… but I always heard that the ratings shot thru the roof when they hooked up with their closet-lesbian neighbors for a few episodes.
…. Or the time Alice made “psychedelic supper” for Easter dinner and Jan ended up driving the family to Tijuana to score some Peruvian pink and mescal?
Cyn, that was a personal favorite of mine, it was really about diversity….in food choices.
Hi, again, mare.
Don’t make me doff my trous for attention. Please.
Hahahaha….stupid Tiger!
I have to go find a fax machine. It’s okay, though, because I just finished my waffles and bacon.
Good to see you Jazz!
You may have to put out, but we all pay one way or another.
Heh. Like I haven’t already tried . . .
Ooh, truck stop lounge. Googling.
You, too, mare. 😉
Really, I’ve gotta run. Back soon. 😡
I’m trying to remember which one of the girls it was that was in the talent show and did that strip/pole dancing but only came in second place because one of her pasties fell off.
Wow – angry face wasn’t what I wanted. Hahahah oh well. Later
That was Oliver. He was the little asswipe they brought in after Peter was killed off.
thought the entire Carol/Mike swinger storyline arc was a tad forced.
Maybe, maybe… but I always heard that the ratings shot thru the roof when they hooked up with their closet-lesbian neighbors for a few episodes
I dunno. Mike wasn’t really able to sell that whole thing to me. He simply wasn’t that good of an actor.
I hate to admit this, but one of my best, most iconic Hostage comments actually comes from an episode of the Brady Bunch which I think only aired one time, so very few people really remember it.
It was the one where Mike lost his job for not being creative enough. (Dumb shit was getting fired like every 3 months) So Mike decides to start selling sex toys and hits it big when Cindy suggests “Daddy’s Fingers.”
The concept was so well received by the wife of his old boss, she insists that Mike get his job back.
And the episode ends witha very touching moment where Mike thanks Cindy in a very special way….
*shot of slowly closing bedroom door
*cue “giggle” from Cindy
Literally brought a tear to my eye
Good day, cakers of beef.
WIser wins it. Most tasteless comment.
May as well quit now.
So Mike decides to start selling sex toys and hits it big when Cindy suggests “Daddy’s Fingers.”
*falls out of chair doubled over laughing*
http://tinyurl.com/yfrhczm
Most tasteless comment.
Challenge accepted.
Morning Seem.
WIser wins it. Most tasteless comment.
eh, it’s a gift.
WIser wins it. Most tasteless comment.
Wait, do you mean the Brady Bunch comment or my advice to Jewstin?
Howdy, Cym.
I guess we’re talking about our favorite Brady Bunch episodes, huh? Well, I know it’s almost become a cliche, but I’ve always loved the one where Jan finally snaps and shoots Marsha in the face with Mike’s twelve gauge just days before her big date.
Oliver. He was the little asswipe they brought in after Peter was killed off.
I heard that Robert Reed insisted that they hire the kid who played Oliver and demanded that the two of them share a trailer.
I always thought that was just a little weird.
Ya think Peter stopped putting out or did he just get too old?
Flying J or Little America are possible, but they’re pretty far too. Starting work at 5:30 sucks in the bad way.
Wait, do you mean the Brady Bunch comment or my advice to Jewstin?
*searches links for combination ‘rimshot’ and Ed McMahon’s ‘Ho!’*
Remember the episode where Cindy dropped out of high school and worked her way across country by blowing guys in road-side rest stops?
I thought that one really taught some valuable life lessons.
How long should it take to walk 3 miles?
That depends on how long your legs are, Jew.
45-50 minutes
36″.
sick sick sick sick sick.. Mommy, make the funny people stop!
The eight Brady, after they brought in Oliver was named Dick. At that point, the writers had pretty much given up on being creative and went for the lowbrow humor.
I have to go collect my pittance so I’ll have some lunch money.
See you perverts later.
You should get that surgery where they stretch out your legs. If each of your legs was a mile long, you’d be there in no time.
Remember the episode where the kids were having a blood drive and then Alice and Carol, who’d been drinking sherry since breakfast, decided to make a Red Velvet Cake. Poor Bobby kept asking over and over how the cake got red, but by then Alice and Carol had passed out.
Poor Bobby kept asking over and over how the cake got red, but by then Alice and Carol had passed out.
How about that “very special episode” where Marcia thought she had gotten knocked up by Greg and they had like a half-hour discussion over whether the kid would be born handicapped because they were step-related?
And then it just turned out that Marcia was a couple of days late and they all laughed…
Anyone know Jewstin’s contact info?
Master Chief, this one looks like me after a deluxe pizza and a 2 lt coke
http://www.flickr.com/photos/61777586@N00/7290424234/in/photostream/
Speaking of surgery, there was a two-part episode where Mike was complaining to Sam about wishing he was a bit more *ahem* enhanced, and Sam said that he practically had all the tools that any old surgeon would have to help him out. I remember that they ended it with Mike splayed out and strapped to the butcher’s cutting table, Sam laughing and Mike giggling nervously, but then I missed the second episode.
The one where Marcia promises that she can get GG Allin to play at the dance was classic. I’ll never forget the final scene, where he takes a dump on her chest in front of the whole school.
part 2 was when mike had an unexpected trip out of town and “Aunt Mikala” came for a vist
but then I missed the second episode.
It was awesome….
The height of slapstick.
Think Lucy and the candy factory.
And the episode where the Brady’s won a free trip to Thailand, where they lost Mike at the airport.
Oh, the look on Carol’s face at the end of the episode when Mike showed up at the airport with his new “girl”friend…..
Or the one where all the girls hear a ruckus and rush into the boys’ bathroom to find Greg, all covered in make-up and wearing a dress, having fallen on the ground with one broken high heeled shoe and Mike with a camera in his hand.
Ram on. . .
Krow – Milk coma!
having fallen on the ground with one broken high heeled shoe and Mike with a camera in his hand.
I remember that one. The best part of that episode was when the girls ran through that joint bathroom they shared with the boys and Peter was in the background posing in front of a full length mirror with his cock tucked between his thighs.
AND NO ONE SAYS A FUCKING WORD!!!
Seriously, I was so glad I DVRed that one, just to go back and make sure I actually saw what I thought I saw.
So subtle. So brilliantly funny.
Peter was in the background posing in front of a full length mirror with his cock tucked between his thighs.
Makes me wonder what is in the well in the Brady’s basement. Buffalo Bill obviously used to live there.
The two-part opener of season four, where Mike is sent to the creepy old Cape Cod fishing village and the kids find the ancient carving of one of the Elder Gods was a tour de force of gothic horror. The scene at the end where the asylum doors slam shut behind Carol as she raves about how no amount of blood will ever sate the ravenous Y’Khu’Zosz and then they pan over to Mike with his right arm around Bobby’s shoulder and a knife in his left hand–that sends chills down my spine every time I see it.
How about when Greg started producing pron flicks with Marcia, Peter and Jan in the family garage and Cindy accidentally gets filmed in the background doing… something…. and then Greg releases the film without editing that out and gets arrested for dealing in child pron?
How unrealistic. Like the police would really just drop the charges after Greg gets all the copies back and destroys them.
Well, almost all the copies, as we learn at the end when we see Mike wave the videotape at Carol as they are getting into bed and slyly asking “again?”
Makes me wonder why we always saw the lotion on the boys’ side of the bathroom counter.
dickhole
Hey, remember when they did that all-nude crossover episode with The Golden Girls?
Watching Bea Arthur bang Mike with what I can only assume was a massively oversized mutant clit was … disturbing…
I never watched the Brady Bunch. Now I’m glad of that.
Sure sounds like the Bradys were not Lutheran. More likely Baptists.
Or the one where Tiger gets lost, all the kids go searching for him and we see Bobby slacking off at the ice cream man’s truck; then, at the end of the show, the remaining kids are all taking turns leading the lovable police cadaver dogs at the city dump to look for Bobby.
remember the one where the found Mike hanging naked from a noose in the closet in his home office and he nearly died?
So funny watching Alice’s face cleaning up that closet, now that she knew what Mike had been doing in there all those years.
I like where sitcoms stars get mixed up as if they live in some sort of sitcom alternate reality. My favorite was when Lemont Sanford stopped by the Brady house to pick up some junk they had lying around. The close up of his chest medallion which read ‘BBC’ as he closed the door of Marsha’s room to inspect the merchandise was priceless.
reformed methodists
reformed methodists
reeeeeeeally reformed….
the best running joke on that show was when they would have a scene in the boys’ room, they always had Mike staring at them through the window. I always wondered if they planned that or if that was just a lucky accident…
That and their room was always littered with stiff athletic socks.
Those writers really knew kids…
Remember the episode where Marcia bet her friends that she could get Roman Polanski to be her Prom date?
The things she had to do to “trick” Roman into going, huh?
I always thought the episode where they had Jim Morrison as a special guest star was really poignant. It was right before he died, and he had gotten fat and you could tell he was half in the bag for most of the episode, but that freeze frame of him winking right at the the camera as he’s whipping his cock out in front of Cindy that they used to end the episode was pure gold.
I liked the diversity ones too, like when Jan needed braces and they decided to try an orthodontist on the “other” side of town. After the dentist, Dr. Tyrelshawn Jackson, fully sedated Jan and then he put a full grill on Jan’s teeth instead of braces–totally cracked me up. And then her getting the afro perm after?! OMG I was rolling laughing!
later, preverts. gotta go do some ..something… work…. stuff….
whatever….
And then her getting the afro perm after?!
I thought that was a wig….
No. Words.
* Because I’m gasping for breath, laughing.
HAHAHA! Holyshit, you guys are hilarious!
You pervs watched way too many episodes
I thought that was a wig….
I think you’re confusing the episode where Jan finds Carol’s merkin.
Or Mike’s merkin; it’s been too long now.
Projection. I think this was all projection…
i condemn myself and turn you all in to the NKVD
Have fun, wiserbuns, doing ‘work… stuff’.
*gives a big knowing wink that he’s off to work the 866-Pron Phones*
The NKVD? North Korea has one of those?
NKVD
New Kids (On The Block) have Venereal Disease?
KGB precursor 1950’s the head of it had a hardon for “decadent western sexual practices”
So this big FAT lazy woman who worked for HotBride for a while at her front desk, whom they all suspected that she and her mom ran a 900 number thing, now works for Homeland Security.
That fits.
What kind of person were you talking about, Hotspur?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8e5SV3uzgX4
HA! The ‘Silence of the Lambs’ bit today has really hit it’s stride today.
As opposed to yesterday or tomorrow?
Today, yes, today, dammit.
Dammit today!
Well, since it’s today…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3bLy26TwtyI
*today aims trebuchet filled with stiff tube socks toward So. Cal. today*
I am culturally deprived – I have no idea what “Clerks 2” is.
But then, I’ve never watch an episode of Seinfeld, either
Just continue the pot and dick jokes from Clerks, AD.
How to explain this conversation topic to the wife…
We talked about stuff. There. I think that should do it.
*waits for McFucker Genius Grant
For a movie representation, just search “This is not the Brady Bunch” at your favorite XXX site, MJ.
Cyn: The two rules of procrastination: 1) Do it today. 2) Tomorrow will be today tomorrow.
Cyn should write “The Today Song” sung to the tune of “The Hello Song”.
No kidding, MJ. And sometimes, “You don’t really want to know” is a perfectly legit response too.
This thread may need to go into Teh Funny tab. Especially since we don’t have a That’s Whack Shit tab.
I’ll do that today later today.
Item #2,345,678 on the “what if a Republican said it”:
While making remarks at the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth, Frank referred to the hooded academic robe civil rights leader Hubie Jones received at the commencement Sunday. The Democrat said, “You now have a hoodie you can wear and no one will shoot at you.”
http://foxnewsinsider.com/2012/05/29/rep-barney-frank-makes-awkward-trayvon-martin-hoodie-comment-during-commencement-speech/
What usually works for me is “You wouldn’t understand.”
*reads Brady Bunch episode synopses, tilts head quizically*
I guess that “Angora Bouquet” soap works better than I thought…..
And “Dickhole.”
Thank you, Cyn. Last night was spent at a softball game (Mini-me’s team won 9-2), and this morning, I had no time to even turn on the computer.
isnt early onset of dementia a sign of AIDS
http://tinyurl.com/7ptqef2
Doctor: Why are you seeking an abortion?
Woman: I don’t want a girl baby.
Doctor: We can’t list that as your reason.
Woman: Why?
Doctor: It’s illegal.
Woman: What is legal?
Doctor: Anything else.
Woman: Okay, I don’t want my pussy all stretched out.
Doctor: Good answer.
Krow, you asked how tall Mini-me is. She is 5′ 2″ now.
As opposed to tomorrow?
Or yesterday?
Hotspur, it seemed like just yesterday she was too short to ride in the front seat. Tomorrow, she’ll probably be taller than me.
**puts on “Sunrise, Sunset” from “Fiddler on the Roof”
5’2″? She’s a giant.
And she’s *11*. I was 4′ 4″ going into 8th grade; she’s going into 6th.
Okay, I don’t want my pussy all stretched out.
——————————————–
Hahahaha. I’m going to say that randomly at some point tonight.
Nice knowing you, MJ.
Although you can get away with it talking with the Gaybors, can’t you.
…it seemed like just yesterday she was too short to ride in the front seat.
Um, this kind of talk might be making MJ uncomfortable.
*pats MJ on his weedle head to reassure him and gives him a package of bite-sized Oreos*
Hahahahaha, for both the pussy and the Oreos comment. Only at the Hostages(tm)
“Come over here, Hotspur, I want to show you something.”
http://tinyurl.com/6m8aahd
Muthafuckin’ Bootleg Oreo Pussy
Lawd rekris!
MOOOOOOOOOBS.
Muthafuckin’ Bootleg Oreo Pussy
—————————–
Hahahahaha. Cyn wins the internet for today.
Keep your reality out of my twisted brain cells today, Stark.
No Moooobs, No Peace!
Or maybe that should be:
Have Moobs? No Piece!
Thanks MJ.
*opens up trash bin and waits to toss in another iPad as an award*
*notices Cyn is wearing a skirt today. Looks up.
So….forgot the merkin today, eh Cyn?
*recrosses legs Sharon Stone-style*
Forgot on purpose. Today.
*opens up trash bin and waits to toss in another iPad as an award*
That iPad is bigger than MJ…..
Underpants
Do you think Cyn’s inner-child is a drunken whore?
Carin, give beasn her underpants back.
This is one of those only at the H2 threads that have me dying from laughter.
Do you think Cyn’s inner-child is a drunken whore?
Ha!
*shakes Magic 8 Ball*
All signs point to yes.
Man, I missed Wiser. He’s a funny little faggot.
the remaining kids are all taking turns leading the lovable police cadaver dogs at the city dump to look for Bobby.
Did you catch the following week’s episode where they had a seance to contact Bobby? Shirley MacLaine was special guest star.
Well, shit. Tried to get it rolling again and killed the poat.
I was going to say there was an episode where Marcia had a crush on Davy Jones of the Monkees, but I think that one really happened.
Now I feel like XBrad.
Oh yeahhhh… She ended up doing all the Monkees conga-line style. I remember that one. And Jan getting all jealous as usual because she was left out in the cold. Ha!
Days are a lot longer when you get up at 4:00 AM.
Muthafuckin’ bootleg allergies.
Obama ate Tiger. Sam made sure that Tiger was Kosher.
roamy, anymore shorter hellspawn?, i really want my remote from under the couxh
That sucks, Scott. I was up in the middle of the night for that very reason a few days ago.
Have you found that your allergies have lessened since quitting the smokes?
roamy, anymore shorter hellspawn?, i really want my remote from under the couxh
TiFW DD#2 is only 4’10”.
I bet if you told her there is a snake or a lizard under your couch, she’d find that remote for ya toot sweet…..
“Have you found that your allergies have lessened since quitting the smokes?”
I made that observation about a week ago.
However, whatever it is that triggers my allergy induced asthma is very happy right now.
Smoke from the Gila fires is full of Juniper. I haven’t been able to breathe since the fires started. Stupid allergies.
Scott, check out pollen.com.
Woke up last night for no good reason, realized Mr. TiFW wasn’t in bed. Got up, noticed that it was REALLY dark, but there was one bright light shining outside.
Went to the bathroom, looked out the window to see what the light was, realized there was a reason everything was darker than normal….
….it was the Electric Company truck, shining a light up at the pole outside. Which explained why the ceiling fans weren’t running, and it was a little balmy in the TiFW house.
And why Mr. TiFW was in Rebecca’s room.
Apparently we had a big storm move through last night, and I slept right through it (and the 4 hours that the lights were out)…..
Smoking used to help with that. Did you know that one of the additives in cigarettes is a drug to help open your airways?
Sneaky bastards.
Thanks Oso.
Oak is my worst pollen. I just googled ‘mold spore count’ and it is off the charts here.
Our property backs up to a 50 acre swamp but we are usually upwind. The last few days? Not so much.
Muthafuckin bootleg ghetto bar
Scott, looks like you have 3 more days of being in the Top 5 for allergens. Albuquerque spent most of March in the 11 range on pollen.com 12 point scale.
hmmmm would her majesty help, if i paid her in cookies teresa?
Critical poat update!
In addition to descansos, (road side memorials) we now have Ghost Bikes. Our legislature passed laws that you can’t take down descansos or Ghost Bikes. My hubby gets all “Anglo” about descansos but it is the anglo community that pushed for ghost bike legislation. I find it amusing that Connecticutts is having the same issue.
Yeah, because all of the other problems are solved.
My allergies are 1/3 of what they used to be. Either bee pollen pills work, or I outgrew them.
I’m totally jealous of ‘Spur. I licked his beer picture and pretended it tasted like real beer.
I also forgot what it’s like walking in Wyoming wind. You exercisers should come here for resistance training.
Late to the game…..fucking work is a bitch….lemme see if I can figure this thing out……my favorite Brady Bunch was when:
Jethro and Ellie got caught by Mrs. Howell having a three way with deputy Fife. Fife only had one bullet if you know what I mean and I think you do so Ellie had to finish herself off on one of Mrs. Howell’s broaches. Joe Cannon arrived and attempted to arrest all of them for buggary but had a heart attack getting out of his Merc and Mannnix was called in. After that, it all went to shit. Seems like Sargeant Carter made a cameo but I may have all that wrong.
It took me awhile to figure out my juniper allergy/gin sensitivity link. Drunk college students don’t always recognize anaphylaxis. Just saying.
My favorite show was when Liberace dorked the Flying Nun in the squeakhole. It broke the glass ceiling.
Seems like Sargeant Carter made a cameo but I may have all that wrong.
“PYLE!!!!”
Heh. Good one Pendejo. You forgot to mention the Fatman had his wheelchair parked outside the window with binoculars for surveillance. Jake was doing . . . something. . . in the bushes nearby.
hmmmm would her majesty help, if i paid her in cookies teresa?
Her Majesty would ask her staff (that’s me and Mr. TiFW) to do that sort of thing….
Queens don’t kneel.
Comment by Pendejo Grande on May 30, 2012 7:37 pm
*golf clap*
Well-played, sirrah!
Drag queens do.
Jewstin you shouldn’t be paying rent in Texas if you are living in Wyoming.
Should we organize a fundraiser?
Oh, I’ve been wondering why my face always hurts. I realized today I’ve been nicotine-free for a good few days and my jaw seems to be permanently clenched.
I like to think it gives me a rugged look.
scott, im pretty sure shes a real girl
Thanks Scott. If I need a fundraiser it’ll be a small one to get me over the hump here in Wyoming. I think I can work out my situation in Texas. The management company has been working with me pretty well.
Smoking used to help with that. Did you know that one of the additives in cigarettes is a drug to help open your airways?
Firefighters in the old days (before air tanks and masks) used to smoke like chimneys because it helped protect them from smoke inhalation. Not kidding, their lungs had the advantage of already being inflamed, so they were sort of ready for the heavier smoke.
If all Hanes underwear is tagless how are you supposed to tell if it’s inside out, and if you have it on backwards?
HS, I like the tagless underpants. No more skin irritation from tags. I especially love it in shirts!
Lands End has started doing tagless shirts. Nice.
But you didn’t answer my questions. I need answers dammit.
Model it for us, Hotspur, and we’ll tell you if it’s on backwards or not.
Old Navy tees have been tagless for years. I love mine.
The ‘tag’ info is now silk screened inside the shirt/panties where the fabric tag used to be, HS.
(do any of these people know that you can cut the tags out of clothing?)
Come over here and show me, Cyn.
Laura, that just makes it worse. The remaining stitching is itchier than the tag.
Huh. I watched another Robert Palmer video from RFH’s link.
I remember when this video came out and the women were HOT!
Now they look like zombies.
What happened? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrGw_cOgwa8&feature=related
Log into my website-webcam *cough*enter your credit card information*cough* and I’ll show you right now.
That’s why you rip them out. Cutting leaves shards of thread.
I know Leon, I’m goofing on you guys. But much of the time if you cut as close to the seam as possible it does take away the itchies. I use teensy little embroidery shears with the curved blades to get right in there.
Cyn, I’m not falling for that. You can show me at Lapeerapalooza.
I think there should be a law that all clothing be tagless. After the roadside memorials are tackled by every legislature first/
Yeah, clothing tags: it was getting itchy and Detective Mandingo knew he’d have to scratch it. Why did Barbara Butters always sew those tags in with wool/fibreglass threads anyway? His giant penis slithered out of his shorts and started up his back to grab that tag, but just as the glans was getting ready to peek out of his collar the Police Commander stomped through the doorway and shouted, “Helen Thomas has an urgent need for her cottage-cheese bath and you’re the lowest shit on the totem pole!”
The Police Commander’s name was Mortimer and he smelled like a used taco, “Also!” he shouted even louder, “Put your penis back in your pants or I’ll chop it off!”
You can then use tweezers to pull out any extra threads that are left behind after you cut them off….
whyyesiamageekwhydoyouask
Uhhhh… Who left the fucking door unlocked?
awwright – who gave Stark that new LSD?
If you need tweezers, that’s xbrad’s department.
If shirts are tagless, people won’t realize they’re supposed to ‘Wash warm, tumble dry.’
Why do you want idiots to ruin their clothing?
Jewstin, let me know if you need something. My email address is here, below the photo of me looking at a big giant head.
“Comment by Stark Dickflüssig on May 30, 2012 8:33 pm”
That comment was worthy of a Nobel Peace Prize.
Bath Salts FTW
K2 Spice?
Jewstin, check your email, please.
I’m still dying over the “smelled like a used taco” Hahaha!
Any hot ladies wanna suck some face? My clothing is tag free, too.
Never ate face – Obama 2012
*snorts Peter Brady liver
You are all really funny.
Did anybody catch anybody else asleep at the switch today?
*snorts Peter Brady liver
*cries and pees a little from laughing*
Congrats on the 9 months, Sean!
FUCK TAGS
I have been fuckin around with this pool sweeper for an hour and FINALLY found the problem and fixed.
Thanks, oso. Youse guys help me more than you know.
Congratulations Sean!!!!! I am damn proud of you my friend
Has it been that long already, Seanie? Well done, sir; VERY well done!
It’s gone by really fast.
Thanks, oso. Youse guys help me more than you know.
—————————————
Congrats, Sean M. I’d like to dedicate this song to you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIYfgXKloMU
Um…thanks, MJ?
Congrats, Sean!
Jewstin, what MJ said – I don’t have your e-mail addy; you can contact me here.
Sean, that’s great sir. Welcome to being alive. I like it when you’re that.
Sean, congratulations, and give MCPO a foot rub.
Ed Schultz is clearly fundraising for Romney, per Ace.
Don’t thank me, thank Chicago for firing Peter Cetera.
Congratulations, Sean!
(((group squishy hug)))
(((participates)))
My email address is here, below the photo of me looking at a big giant head.
That head statue is five feet tall.
I already congratulated Sean, so I’m not doing it again until he makes it to a 13 months.
*runs for shower *
One time I locked myself out of the house. Thank God MJ was there to go in through the milk chute and let us in.
Sean, congratulations. You are one of the funniest motherderpers I have ever internet-known, and I’m glad you corralled your demon so that we get to keep you longer.
*hug*
The sun has set. Lovely evening here in Appalachia.
Sean,
Way to go!
Keep-on keepin’ on.
Live long and prosper! (cramps fingers.)
Thanks for all the kind words and hugs and such. Now, I’m off to a meeting. Try not to eat each other’s faces while I’m gone.
One time I locked myself out of the house. Thank God MJ was there to go in through the milk chute and let us in.
—————————-
No one under the age of 784,912 knows what a milk chute is, but, you’re welcome.
I thought I knew what a milk chute was but I don’t wanna say now.
poop chute?
My house in Ann Arbor had a walled-off coal chute.
Looking at my lawn right now, I really wish I still lived there. I just have no damn time for it.
I just haven’t had time to cut choom in 10 years. I pay for it.
Dave,
Do you have the “Ban Hammer(TM)”?
RAYKON (hogX0) is back at Aces shitting in the threads. While it would be nice if he would DIAF, just making him go away would be cool too.
Just sayin’…
I was paying for it, but my neighbor hasn’t offered to continue the service this year, and relations have been frosty.
Ah the Brady Bunch, pretty funny you guys. What about Family Affair? Mr. “French” was just a nickname don’t you know……….
anyone know anything about bunnies?
Cat brought one home, intending to kill it and gut it right under my truck. Luckily, I removed the poor l’il critter from the jaws of death, but I have no idea what to feed it or how to get rid of it.
Maybe I’ll drop it off at Lauraw’s. She seems to quite fond of rabbits, if memory serves….
Wiserbud,
Let loose in her garden. She will take care of it.
Wabbit Stew. Yummmm.
PepeLp, do you live out by Magdalena?
Yep, Oso. Have you been there?
we were at the Ws this past Sunday. At one point, while we were out back chatting, I noticed a cute little bunny running around the back yard and mentioned it.
You could almost “Transformer-type” squeal of machinery as they went from happy, friendly hosts into hunt down and destroy mode
Pepe, they are easily dispatched if you want to kill it. Youtube has a full video library that can take you from live rabbit to roasted bunny.
Wiser, can’t you just chuck it in the woods?
Pepe, through there. My dachshund was sharing a patch of shade with a bunny this afternoon. They are the anti-badger dog. Stupid divas.
Wait, does it still have a head?
Darnit, I got my reading fouled up. Though Pepe had the prehassenpfeffer.
Wiser, can’t you just chuck it in the woods?
It’s still alive.
And cute as the dickens.
I want to keep it as a pet
wiserbride said “no”
😦
Leon, No problem with bunnies here. I live on a ranch, know about dispatching stuff. I like seeing all the little bunnies hopping around. We have all kinds of animals around here.
Quick question: I dont watch TV anymore (I did get comcrap but dont have couch yet) did someone eat someone’s face off?
PepeLP,
Us too. Bunnies, Coyotes, Elk, Deer, Cougar, Bear, and last weekend, a Tiger!!!
http://tinyurl.com/cnffzel
DO NOT SEARCH. THERE ARE PICTURES. CANNOT UNSEE.
.22 lr or .17 hmr. Either one should do.
I can Chris, and I did but it’s pointless, he spoofs IPs.
>> we were at the Ws this past Sunday
Did you cook the shrimp?
That’s a big fuckin deal.
and last weekend, a Tiger!!!
Bobby Brady weeps..
I want to keep it as a pet
You could name him George and love him and hug him and squeeze him.
Thanks, Dave.
I figured as much.
Hey Chris,
We have all of the above, except the tigers. There’s a gigantic jackrabbit that’s hanging around my shop. He’s got to weigh 20 pounds. We have a ton of quail this year. No wolves so far, but they’ve been on the next ranch over.
Bunnies gnaw on furniture.
PepeLp, you guys got a tornado too!
I looked at an apartment once that had new carpet in the back bedroom. Realtor explained that the previous tenants had pet rabbits and they ate the original carpeting.
My neighbor little girl is in love with bunny’s.
Her mom not so much. (She has a freaking zoo)
The tornado was actually in my bull pasture. It was almost like excitement. No damage.
Pepe, I like how NMicans go outside to “watch” tornadoes. They’re cute. It made the news up here.
PepeLP,
We’ve got a bunch of Quail this year, but there is a big Fir(90′) east of us that the Hawks sit in all day “Shopping for lunch” in the pastures. When the Hawks are perched, the Quail are hiding, DUH!
It’s been two years since the Cougar 20′ east of the Deck and the same for the Wolf.
We’re trying to do a garden again, and I hope the Elk leave it the fuck alone this year.
Seventeen Elk can completely remove any trace of 160 6′ tall corn stalks in 6 minutes, ears and all.
Did you cook the shrimp?
We northerners can handle the shrimp raw. We only cook it for those sensitive Texans…..
Bunnies gnaw on furniture.
This one won’t. I promise….
Bunnies are cute. Jackrabbits are assholes. I don’t have a garden, so I may be biased.
Is the bunny injured? Why are you not just releasing it?
I applied and talked to a headhunter in Jackson Michigan today.
Is Jackson ok? It looks like it is between AA and Battle Creak is that in the weeds? BFE?
Yesterday we weren’t able to watch anything. The smoke from the big fire was super thick here. At one point, visibility was down to under a mile. Had to close all the windows. It really sucked.
Why are you not just releasing it?
Because it’s just a baby and I doubt it would survive the night.
Pepe, we’ve had to turn off swamp coolers and shut windows. Pretty glad the majority of smoke is staying south. I mean, yeah, it sucks!
We’ve tried a garden. When it’s the only greenery in 4 miles, it doesn’t last long. My wife had 5 rosebushes. about 2 feet tall. One morning we went out and the jackrabbits had found them and gnawed them down to the ground.
Is the bunny injured? Why are you not just releasing it?
It’s not bleeding, but there may be some internal injuries. gonna hope it makes it through the night and find a vet that will take it for free tomorrow.
I’m pretty sure if I let it go, my cats will find it and kill it. and leave it on my front porch.
forgive me for being a softie. It’s a bunny. A cute, little brown bunny who never hurt anyone.
And I’m sure his mom is missing him tonight.
Don’t you want to help me get mommy bunny and baby bunny back together?
If you can dodge a bunny, you can dodge a raw shrimp.
Bunnies are cute. Jackrabbits are assholes.
Straight up, sistah. And if you see a jackrabbit in the road and he gives you ‘The Eye’, it is YOU who has the duty to get the hell out of his way.
Sky is having breaker/fuse problems on FB but she can’t get the H2 on her phone. Avengers Assemble!!!
We have a resident hawk. He is too busy killing pigeons to worry about the cute bunnies. Our local coyotes are always leaving bunny fluff. I hope Wiser finds a vet for the bunny. Bunnies have warm eyes. Not cold. Totally unlike a doll’s eyes.
If you can dodge a bunny, you can dodge a raw shrimp.
HAHAHA! http://i.imgur.com/nZqak.gif
forgive me for being a softie. It’s a bunny. A cute, little brown bunny who never hurt anyone.
And I’m sure his mom is missing him tonight.
Ok. *zips lip*
Don’t you want to help me get mommy bunny and baby bunny back together?
*double-buttons lip and adds padlock*
Shrimp is what is for dinner tomorrow Dave.
And Bread
Breakers and fuses pop because they’re trying to prevent an electical fire. That’s kinda important. If it doesn’t just reset cleanly, get an electrician on it.
Wiser,
Put it in a box with lettuce, or spinach, or carrot, and some water.
Tomorrow, give it to Laura/Scot and they can ship it to me. I will put in the east pasture with the tiger. It will be fine!
Cyn, Watership Down used to be one of my favorite books. Before I lived around jackrabbits. Jackrabbits are assholes. I had imagined Watership Down to be about bunnies. I hate growing up.
*double-buttons lip and adds padlock*
I can take good care of bunnies.
I promise.
I’m gonna name him “Forged Rite”
Just because….
Kill de wabbit
You know, once you name them, you have to take care of them.
And getting all protective of a bunny seems somehow appropriate on Hunky GayBoy Day, doncha think?
You named him?
He’s your responsibility now.
That’s the deal
Ooh…naming the bunny. That makes him family.
I think the bunny gets to marry your firstborn now.
Comment by wiserbud on May 30, 2012 10:45 pm
You know, once you name them, you have to take care of them.
———-
I knew I shouldn’t have let my wife name the boy. Damn.
I spent the day moving him back from college. It sucked. 6 hours driving, 2 hours loading stuff. 5 minutes explaining that you should clean the damned bathroom. Good god, it was filthy.
Forged Rite brings back memories.
You need to ban me Wiser.
I will cuss you out or somethin.
Ooh…naming the bunny. That makes him family.
Well, not yet…
I’m trying really hard not to.
Ass opposed to the time I named the 4 baby squirrels I took out of my attic and put in a pet cage for rehabilitation, as well as the one who jumped out of my hands just as I was about to put him in the cage, who was later seen dead in the jaws of my cat.
They would be John, George, Paul, Ringo and Pete.
guess who was the one who got away….
Squirrels are rats with furry tails. They should die.
I’ve tried taking care of wild baby animals overnight…it’s not easy. Good luck, honey. Hope the little guy makes it!
Erick Eian and Robin?
Poor Pete the Squirrel.
We took care of orphaned opossums for a few weeks. They aren’t even that cute.
I’ve tried taking care of wild baby animals overnight…it’s not easy.
Well, he’s in a pet cage in the garage, so the cats and dog won’t bother him, he’s got a bowl of water, some carrots, so clover and some dry cat food.
I’ll actually be surprised if he makes it through the night, considering how he was traumatized, but I have to try.
It’s what I do.
links
Erick
Jethrow
Robin
I thought carrots were a myth and they preferred lettuce. (DiT, Sky says ‘Thanks’)
Poor Pete the Squirrel.
By the time we found a place to take the baby squirrels, two more had died.
I guess those were John and George.
“I guess those were John and George.” Ouch, that hurt! I’m Muttley laughing.
Squirrels are rats with furry tails. They should die.
….says the skunk
I thought carrots were a myth and they preferred lettuce.
sadly, I ate all the lettuce this afternoon. Only leafy veg I have in the house is hot and I don’t think little Obama would like that.
(Still haven’t settled on a name)
I left a plastic haibtrail thingy full of hamsters out on the patio one morning by accident. Swear to God it was an accident. By the time I remembered them that evening around 7pm or so, they’d all gone to see Jesus. I think Global Warming got their asses.
haibtrail = habitrail
Goodnight children, shower time.
Funny, we’ve gone from the XXX Adventures of the Brady Bunch, to caring for orphaned baby bunnies………
http://iwastesomuchtime.com/on/?i=38227
I think Global Warming got their asses.
I blame bush.
I remember this one buck bunny who had about a 4″ cock uncut and he blew nut all over about a dozen does in the opening scene. I think his name may have been Greg Brady.
One of em had to be Pete Best.
I think his name may have been Greg Brady.
It certainly couldn’t have been Mike Brady after that episode with Sam The Butcher. {{shudders}}
http://tinyurl.com/2cs58ld
Hi SooHooosss!
Hi Sohita! How’s the stair climbing butt building weight loss plan going?
hahahahahellooooooo
It is amazing. I expect to be in Carin’s size 6 pair of pants she has for me by our meat-up in July
WooHoo!
Mooooo-oooooom, Sohos is trying to get into Carin’s pants!
OH yes, yes I am
Comment by SoHoS on May 30, 2012 10:05 pm
Quick question: I dont watch TV anymore (I did get comcrap but dont have couch yet) did someone eat someone’s face off?
Sohos
1. Gay Guys
2. smoking/snorting bath salts
3. Zombification
4. cops killed the screwy little zombie
the dude GROWLED at the cops
i nearly shat myself reading that
Sohos: Florida.
yeah but what happened?
I love Krows answer hahahahaha
NEW POAT
(you lazy fuques, but I mean that in a nice way)
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