It’s always good to think about what you’re thankful for, so that is today’s theme for HHD.
Some music to start with, by Alison Krauss and Union Station.
So what am I thankful for? First, a nice smile.
Especially a smile that reaches the eyes and lights them up.
Strong shoulders for me to lean on
A nice hiney for me to check out
Carin’s thankful for redheads.
and one more, just so the cornucopia is overflowing…
Thank you for your attention, and y’all have a good day today and a happy Thanksgiving tomorrow. Safe travels to those on the road.
364 Comments
Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.
I love that song. WAKEY WAKEY.
And, add me to the list with Tats and Peelio. Lurv Jane. I’ve read all her books countless times.
second
This thread is a wood killer.
What the fuck is this shit.
THANK YOU, ROAMY!!!
Jealous, Rosetta? You shouldn’t be 😉
Joke for the morning:
That last guy must be a huge fan of the Happy Dragon Platter.
As always Roamy….WELL DONE!
(Carin redhead looks like a ghost and has probably never seen the sun, imagine how perfect his skin will be.)
‘Morning, mare!
redhead looks like a ghost
That’s nothin’. My wife made me take the mirror off the ceiling of the bedroom. Said it was like staring into the sun.
Jealous, Rosetta? You shouldn’t be 😉
I have something for you, Aggie.
http://tinyurl.com/26reytk
My wife made me take the mirror off the ceiling of the bedroom. Said it was like staring into the sun.
Tell her to wear shades.
(Carin redhead looks like a ghost and has probably never seen the sun, imagine how perfect his skin will be.)
I think I’d have to see an ID on that one.
Good morning, LC.
We’re taking our girl out for coffee. Have the funny waiting for me when I get back. Thank you in advance and good flippin luck with that.
Thank you, Rosetta!!
*SMOOOOOOOOOOCH*
Oh good lord. My daughter is making me take her to the store. UGH. How I hate taking my girls shopping.
(did I say that?)
honestly, I hate taking them clothing shopping. It is one of the VERY few occasions where I wish I had one of them fancy phones with internet on ’em. So I could plop myself in a corner while they shopped.
No principles? No ideology? No external evidence of genitalia? Then do we have the Party for you! http://tinyurl.com/2abqqss
I like to go shopping, but the girls do NOT like to go with me, because I have final say in what they can get. Which makes it hell for me too.
Hm…I guess I don’t like shopping with the girls, either…
Hey Herr Organhold, why don’t you email me a picture of your giant deformed head and I’ll add you to our Proof of Life family photo album.
Then you get the password to the page and you can see what everyone looks like and then laugh and laugh and laugh.
My email is 88rosetta88 AT gmail FUCKINGDOT com
*tackles Mare, gives her the “Thanksgiving dinner”*
“Doesn’t matter anyways because Mesa didn’t even get the joke
Great. We have to go back to explaining things to PJM again.”
*smacks forehead
I just got the joke
oooops
WTF is that shit, HM? Third party crap?? McKinnon is not exactly a center republican either, and most of the dolts associating themselves with this movement tend to lean leftward.
Morning.
Safe travels to those that do!
Off to take boys to school.
‘Morning, Cyn!!
HA! Carin, my daughters hate shopping for clothes (well, at least they use to) so I lucked out there. They love it when I just get them stuff, WIN!!
No principles? No ideology? No external evidence of genitalia? Then do we have the Party for you! http://tinyurl.com/2abqqss
I want to stab all those people in the fucking face. I have their animal trademark.
http://tinyurl.com/2bs4acw
Herr, is a great Hostage…he’s actually funny, unlike our regulars (ahem).
Wow! Look at all the hot chicks!!!
Estrogen fest!!
Herr, is a great Hostage…he’s actually funny, unlike our regulars (ahem).
http://tinyurl.com/2fpqfnp
Here, Rosetta:
http://tinyurl.com/29cufuy
Rosetta, killing armadillos with his ass since 1975.
Good morning people. Who’s up for a game of Humpty Dumpty?
Meh, moderates. Just another word for spineless.
I’m not talking the middle. Just the moderates. I can respect the middle.
‘Morning, Compos 🙂
That didn’t sound right, Herr IS a regular. Rosetta is irregular.
Rosetta did you see this, Roamy linked it yesterday, titled “what Mare is reading”
http://tinyurl.com/248wspx
compos, how many turkey necks do you have crammed up your gerbil hole right now?
I’m sort of in the mood for a bloody Mary. Who’s in?
If you can catch me, but with your tree stump legs, hhahahahahahahaha
compos, how many turkey necks do you have crammed up your gerbil hole right now?
Enough to make you a special Bloody Mary, complete with giblets.
Rosetta did you see this, Roamy linked it yesterday, titled “what Mare is reading”
http://tinyurl.com/248wspx
Hahahahahaha!! That’s awesome. I’m saving that for future use.
I like spooning with you, Mare.
Sent Rosetta.
I’m sort of in the mood for a bloody Mary. Who’s in?
If you mean, who wants one, I do.
If you mean, who wants to be IN your Bloody Mary, I do.
Ditto, Rosetta.
I love the kitchen lovin. Or anywhere else.
Sent Rosetta.
If you sent me farm porn I’m going to beat your ass.
If you sent me farm porn I’m going to beat your ass.
Getting warmer.
Hey LC, assuming you are in Texas, did you notice a disturbing increase in the number of seagulls after Mare moved in?
I am in Texas, and SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH!! 😀
If you mean, who wants one, I do.
If you mean, who wants to be IN your Bloody Mary, I do.
Hahahahahahaha. Okay!! brb
Also, Herr Morganhole has been added to PoL. And it’s a fucking good pic.
Seriously, didn’t know Mare had moved to Texas, but I did notice that the weather is really nice lately 🙂
I’ll take a bloody mary, please.
HM, awesome pic!!
‘Mornin, MJ!!
Coming up, MJ.
What fun turkey related shit are you doing today?
Morning Aggie.
Who is that ugly fucker that shot you HM?
Getting ready for the second leg of our trip, 7 hours with 4 kids.
I’ll take a bloody Mary with double the alcohol
We made thanksgiving dinner last weekend, so we’re going a Florida T-day. I have 4 lbs of stone crab, gulf shrimp, mussels, and scallops. We’ll probably put it all in the steamer with some corn and potatoes.
Where are you going, PJM?
*gives PJM two bottles of vodka, three bottles of Benadryl, and a set of ear plugs*
Who is that ugly fucker that shot you HM?
Hell, he looks good from that angle. He hung my mounted head in the bathroom, so you can trust me when I say that it gets worse.
Utah
God bless you aggie
It’s 37 degrees and raining here.
BEST THANKSGIVING WEATHER EVER!!!
Who is that ugly fucker that shot you HM?
Hahahahaha.
I have 4 lbs of stone crab, gulf shrimp, mussels, and scallops. We’ll probably put it all in the steamer with some corn and potatoes.
Nicely done!! I forget…where do you live? I mean besides in a state of denial about your gender confusion.
Happy Thanksgiving Eve, panama banana.
*SMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCH!!!!*
Have a safe and quiet trip, PJM!!
Thanksgiving … a time to put aside white guilt, to reflect and show appreciation for the facts that the natives of this land were trusting, used primitive weapons, had an affinity for whiskey and no tolerance for smallpox.
*shoots Rosetta in the face with a musket full of anuses*
The proper term is “anii”, not “anuses”.
Stupid compos.
Hahaha, Compos. “Manifest Destiny: It’s amazing what you can achieve with a wagonload of blankets from the hospital”.
We have a very traditional Thanksgiving. My wife is part Injun, so I make her bring me food while I sit on my ass starving.
what the rosetta is this compos?
Hey Manlesbo, why’d you shave the goat-tse?
http://tinyurl.com/24udko6
anii …. anuses …. it’s all wiserbud to me.
GIVING THANKS, ARE YOU, EARTH-VERMIN?
YOU FILTH SHOULD BE GRATEFUL THAT TAGNASH HAS SEEN FIT TO ALLOW YOUR POINTLESS ACTIVITIES TO CONTINUE AS LONG AS THEY HAVE.
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT:
Floyd does NOT like to make poo when it’s raining and 37 degrees outside.
Speaking of poo, have you sobered up yet, Richard?
Howdy, Wiser!!!
*serves Wiser a cup of coffee*
YOU FILTH SHOULD BE GRATEFUL THAT TAGNASH HAS SEEN FIT TO ALLOW YOUR POINTLESS ACTIVITIES TO CONTINUE AS LONG AS THEY HAVE.
That reminds me, who’s gonna feed TAGNASH while we’re all away for that Thanksgiving holiday?
Floyd does NOT like to make poo when it’s raining and 37 degrees outside.
hahahaha! Did he look at you all pitiful, as if to say, “This sucks. Seriously, wtf?”
Howdy, Wiser!!!
Howdy, mistress.
Speaking of poo, have you sobered up yet, Richard?
Almost. Still nursing a bit of a headache. I imagine your flight was something special?
What’s the difference between Tagnash rubbing his nut bag on the CAPS LOCK key and compos sticking a bullwhip up his ass while sucking on a turkey neck?
anii …. anuses …. it’s all wiserbud to me.
the man does love his man-ass….
HERE’S A BIT OF HISTORY FOR YOU, PLANET-LICE.
ON PLANET TAGNASH, TODAY IS THANKSTAGNASH DAY AND IT HAS BEEN THANKSTAGNASH DAY FOR A VERY LONG TIME.
THANKSTAGNASH DAY STARTED 1,782 OF YOUR EARTH-YEARS AGO. OUR TAGNASHIAN SUN TAKES A VERY LONG TIME TO TRAVERSE THE SKY. MANY GENERATIONS OF TAGNASHIANS WILL HAVE PASSED BEFORE IT SETS AGAIN.
FRANKLY, THE DECORATIONS AND STREAMERS HAVE BECOME RATHER TIRESOME.
Floyd does NOT like to make poo when it’s raining and 37 degrees outside.
Christmas present for Floyd
http://tinyurl.com/378wopw
What’s the difference between Tagnash rubbing his nut bag on the CAPS LOCK key and compos sticking a bullwhip up his ass while sucking on a turkey neck?
Tagnash only does that for attention.
ON PLANET TAGNASH, TODAY IS THANKSTAGNASH DAY AND IT HAS BEEN THANKSTAGNASH DAY FOR A VERY LONG TIME.
*replaces flea collar on TAGNASH….
hahahaha! Did he look at you all pitiful, as if to say, “This sucks. Seriously, wtf?”
Hahahahaha. This is his first experience with cold and rain and he hates it. I have to pull him into the yard otherwise he would take a dump on the welcome mat where it’s dry.
Actually him taking a dump on the welcome mat would be hilarious before family comes over.
What’s the difference between Tagnash rubbing his nut bag on the CAPS LOCK key and compos sticking a bullwhip up his ass while sucking on a turkey neck?
You won’t pay $3.99 a minute to watch a cat rub its balls on a keyboard?
Made it all the way to Atlanta without anyone photographing or touching my junk.
Maaaaarrrrre!!!!!!
Sounds like Tagnash needs a suppository rather than a flea collar.
Actually him taking a dump on the welcome mat would be hilarious before family comes over.
saves you the trouble.
Made it all the way to Atlanta without anyone photographing or touching my junk.
ANDY!!!
You missing a power block for your phone?
I hadn’t officially declared it missing yet, but, yeah that’s probably mine.
Our female Ruby hates rain, but Bubba doesn’t seem to even notice.
They are both very keen and sensitive connoisseurs of snow, though.
Christmas present for Floyd
http://tinyurl.com/378wopw
HA!!! That’s awesome. Floyd would like it because he’s a stupid fat pig dog.
The group, called “No Labels,” has drawn support from supporters and advisers of New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg, the country’s most powerful independent politician, raising questions about his national political ambitions.
I stopped reading right there.
Andy, Mrs Rosetta would like to see you know who in the Justin Bieber shirt. Would you please email those to me?
I hadn’t officially declared it missing yet, but, yeah that’s probably mine.
e-mail me your address and I’ll get it back to you asap.
Nicely done!! I forget…where do you live?
————-
I’m in Clearwater.
I stopped reading right there.
I should have too, beasn, but I hadn’t had my fill of coffee yet.
Beasnoogie, what kind of cake are you making me for Thanksgiving?
IT BETTER NOT SUCK!!!!
Mrs Rosetta would like to see you know who in the Justin Bieber shirt.
here ya go, dummy.
https://thehostages.wordpress.com/?attachment_id=16027
Beasnoogie, what kind of cake are you making me for Thanksgiving?
IT BETTER NOT SUCK!!!!
It’s called ‘Moonscape’. Heh heh.
Floyd? NOOOOOOOO
http://tinyurl.com/23nxg9e
wiser, is that you?
Gross.
Floyd takes a look outside
It’s rainy and far too cold
So he goes looking to hide
The morning dump he has on hold
His ass is way too fat
To fit under master’s bed
He ponders the bath mat
Then thinks of the closet instead
Foyd’s mind freaks
As the turd starts prairie doggin’
Clenching fury cheeks
Little lumberjack needs to do some loggin’
With panick setting in
He makes little whimpering sounds
Then running with a doggie grin
Finds the pefect place to release the hounds
Everything’s now sublime
There’s nothing left to lose
With the exception of next time
Master goes to put on his shoes.
Rosetta, check your gimpmail
here ya go, dummy.
https://thehostages.wordpress.com/?attachment_id=16027
RACIST!!!!
Floyd takes a look outside
It’s rainy and far too cold
So he goes looking to hide
The morning dump he has on hold
His ass is way too fat
To fit under master’s bed
He ponders the bath mat
Then thinks of the closet instead
Foyd’s mind freaks
As the turd starts prairie doggin’
Clenching fury cheeks
Little lumberjack needs to do some loggin’
With panick setting in
He makes little whimpering sounds
Then running with a doggie grin
Finds the pefect place to release the hounds
Everything’s now sublime
There’s nothing left to lose
With the exception of next time
Master goes to put on his shoes.
http://tinyurl.com/2bm9lx2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-scESgTnoUM
Laundry, dusting and vacuuming done. First loaf is baking. Time for a little loafing for me!
wiser, is that you?
Gross.
Oh yeah? Well, I’d like to see you try to fit into a child’s size small PJ top.
Seriously, I would really like to see that.
Seriously, I would really like to see that.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
(metoo)
No love on teh poem, eh? Tough crowd.
Who wants pudding?!
http://tinyurl.com/uuadl
Happy THANKSTAGNASH DAY… Good Grief!
I still have some of that in my cabinet from 2009 Cozmo
Compos, I loved it!
*gives Compos Nobel for Literature, and a Slurpee*
*pats Compos on the head*
Well done, son. Now, go to the fridge and bring Daddy a can of his ‘medicine’.
‘Morning, sohos, and MCPO 🙂
I thought it was great Compos.
Yannow what? We don’t tell compos how great he is often enough. That’s why he doesn’t come around so much anymore.
Compos, this is from the bottom of my heart: you don’t sweat so much, for a fat chick.
Oh yeah? Well, I’d like to see you try to fit into a child’s size small PJ top.
I doubt Mr. Beasn would share the pictures. He would have to kill you first.
Justin Bieber? That kid is like …like…something so creepy, you can’t peel your eyes away. Like this…..wiser in his younger pop days.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmqGBLsDuoQ&feature=player_embedded
Yannow what? We don’t tell compos how great he is often enough. That’s why he doesn’t come around so much anymore.
Good point,
Compos doesn’t actually smell like he looks like he would.
Good morning Aggie. I am about to lay out all of the food for our luncheon here at the office…Then I should be cut loose for the holiday 🙂
Compos is very fit! Now that the TRO is off, he spends all day on the playground equipment at the grammar school!
Hi, Aggie!
It’s Turkey Day for compos
Time to cook the bird
Imagine his surprise when
He finds it full of turd
He calls the turkey hotline,
“How did this happen?”
The lady then informed him,
“Your bird, Floyd took a crap in.”
Compos opens up a beer
A fast fix he did need
It’s almost time to eat
He has 13 mouths to feed
He phones his friend Rosetta
He said he needs some luck
Rosetta laughed and laughed
And told compos to go get fucked
Fin.
Sohito, EAT YOUR SPOTTED DICK!!!
Meh. My poem sucked.
*angrily hands compos Nobel Prize for Literature and Amputee Farm Porn*
wiser in his younger pop days.
I prefer to think of myself as a young Bobby Goldsboro
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59BZxgohr9g
Curse you bastages for being here having fun right now!!!
*smooches Rosetta right back
Happy Spanksgiving!
Eve
I’m never going to eat it. I like it being in my cabinet and confusing people.
POETRY SLAM!!!!!
On Thanksgiving eve,
I’m thankful for my luck
I’m not a douchebag,
like that Rosetta fuck!
I prefer to think of myself as a young Bobby Goldsboro
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59BZxgohr9g
Hahahahahaha. Here’s the first comment under that video:
“This song reminds my of my x-wife ..I was at Fort Dix NJ when I first heard it. 5:Am and I missed her and loved her with all my heart. She left me after 27 yrs of marriage and some things will never change. Yes, I am still in love with her and the memories are haunting at times but yet I even love what I have left….even though they are just memories.”
MCPO?
I’m never going to eat it. I like it being in my cabinet and confusing people.
Hahahahahaha. That’s actually better. Plus it has a shelf life of 857 years.
Is Bobby Goldsboro still alive?
I used to think Cliff Richards was HAWT, when I was 12.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yosCYE4vwlY
Richard needs a shower
His head is full of lice
His dick is in the turkey
His t-shift? “Fuck you ice”
Beasn likes the winter
No need to mow the grass
That frees up extra time
To finger some pig’s ass
On thanksgiving eve
I’ve a long way to go
On my way to the saints
Thru the land of the ho
MCPO?
Hells no! None of the others could stand me for more than 3 years. I have no idea what Herself’s problem might be!?
It was the eve before Thanksgiving,
When all though the blog,
Not a hostage was stirring,
Not even Floyd the dog.
The colostomy bags were hung,
By the chimney with care,
In the hopes that Wiser
Would drink them on a dare;
Mare and Beasn were passed out
All drunk in their beds,
While visions of xbrad and dolly,
Danced in their heads.
It’s just like the ocean under the moon. . .
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MXp413NynFk
rosetta likes the heat
No need to wear the pants
It gives him the excuse
to shove ice up Floyd’s ass.
PJM is on a trip
But Utah’s not that far
And the ride will remind her
What’s not a clown car
rosetta likes the heat
No need to wear the pants
It gives him the excuse
to shove ice up Floyd’s ass.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
+ 147,000 points and your choice of two of pajama momma’s kids
The day after Thanksgiving
we drop the kids off at the pool
please refrain from counting
the corn in your stool
Great Poetry Poat!
e have a very traditional Thanksgiving. My wife is part Injun, so I make her bring me food while I sit on my ass starving.
Ha haa haaa
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I like pie
And so do you.
Fin
*awaits accolades*
don’t think rosetta the drinker
Has Floyd because he’s a giver
If you’d sit and use your thinker
You’d know he’s going to steal his liver
The turkey was dry, the stuffing was too,
The gravy was lumpy, the beans smelled like poo.
Like a rock in my belly, it rumbled and shook.
This what happens when I let my wife cook.
*awaits accolades*
http://is.gd/hI5NB
BOOOOOOOO
Who wants to bet that one of Mare’s beautiful daughters had their junk groped by some TSA perv?
The BOOOO was for PJM.
Herr, HAHAHAHAHA, good one.
MJ had a surgery
The leftovers, pretty nasty
Although not unexpected
It’s his third labiaplasty
Hey beasn, hows the pig?
Can any of my facechimp friends see this?
http://www.facebook.com/#!/photo.php?fbid=1500406272640&set=a.1500405992633.2066910.1308660449
*awaits accolades*
http://is.gd/hI5NB
Hahahahaha. Awesome picture.
MCPO, hurry up with my bloody Mary refill!!!
*cannon shoots pig poop at rosetta’s face*
Thanksgiving always brings a terrible chore,
‘Cause I’m forced to eat and eat some more.
If I don’t eat it up right down to dessert,
I fear the cook’s feelings will be hurt,
So I do my part, even though I suffer;
To help out the others, I’m a belly stuffer.
The turkey’s been eaten,
Waistbands draw tight.
We all gird ourselves
For the traditional family fight.
MJ, George is doing much better. He has gained 5 ounces since his surgery, his coat is looking better, and his foot pads are finally healing. I still water him a couple of times a day. He will get an xray in a couple of weeks to see if the stones are reforming.
MCPO is up there
“bout time to pay the piper
But before he buys the farm
Needs Herr to change his diaper
Beasn – Nope. It says “content unavailable”.
Rosetta – Here ya go! *hands him Clamato & cheap vodka with wilted celery*
For the traditional family fight.
We had one of those last night during a dinner of turkey pot pie.
Back to chores
Later, fellators!
Good to hear beasn.
It’s travel day for many
Get to the airport soon
You’ll need the extra time
For frisking of your poon
To change the Chiefs diaper
Pick him up by the toes
But first you put some Vapo Rub
Underneath your nose.
Rosetta – Here ya go! *hands him Clamato & cheap vodka with wilted celery*
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
I don’t know who invented Clamato but I suspect the person is an asshole.
Does clamato have anything to do with that special time of the month for girls? It really sounds like it should.
Oh, and check your email!!!
How much more fun would a thanksgiving with you hosefochers be than the one I’m going to have?
Okay, I added some pictures in my facebutt.
HAHAHAHA
To change the Chiefs diaper
Pick him up by the toes
But first you put some Vapo Rub
Underneath your nose.
HAHAHAHA
I don’t get that close when it’s my turn. I just get out the fire hose.
My daughter just asked, “Mom, shouldn’t you be getting dressed?”
I hate bossy people on my day off.
You tell her to frak off, Beasn.
That housedress looks wonderful on you.
Does clamato have anything to do with that special time of the month for girls? It really sounds like it should.
Hahahahahaha.
Gross.
*whispers*
Car in, they’re my flannel jammies. Plaid.
Beasn, is Beasnson in town?
Rosie, yes he is. If you had a facechimpdouche, you would see my bright edumacated boy doing his version of parkour.
OMG, I just came up with the greatest idea for a Christmas gift for my husband.
a deer mount. I found some decently priced ones on craigslist.
so excite.
a deer mount
I just use a stool and some carrots.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/14326423@N02/5204796634/sizes/m/
Well, T-day prep is off to the usual good start. The insty-hot water heater under the sink just decided to turn the kitchen into the USS Buttercup.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/14326423@N02/5204796634/sizes/m/
Hahahahahahahaha.
Good form.
The potato is a staple
for the human masses.
It fears the hostagemenfolk
will shove them up their asses.
Herr – we’ve got a LOT of wall space, and live in the woods, so we decided some mounted heads would make the perfect decoration.
Rosetta,
How many government employees are touching your junk right now, and did they let you pick the sexy ones for the task first?
Mr. Potato Man after being brought up from ‘the mine’.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/14326423@N02/5159368693/
Wiser’s birthday party, check your Biebermail.
Another beasnson in mid daring feat.
another…..
Holiday stress,
Tempers flaring ,
Kitchen’s a mess
Grievences airing
Who doesn’t love
This time of year.
MOM!!!!!! BEASN’S KEEPING SHRUNKEN HEADS AGAIN!!!!
How many government employees are touching your junk right now, and did they let you pick the sexy ones for the task first?
No unauthorized junk touching for me this weekend. What about you? Going anywhere?
This one looks nice.
I’ll have you know, BiW, that is the potato rescued from Rosetta’s ass. He had no comment.
Car in, wouldn’t your husband like a deer head that he killed his own self?
The Holidays are once again here
And family and friends will gather together soon
To share warmth and laughter and love and joy
Over the thought of punching Andy in the poon.
My husband doesn’t hunt.
So, unless he hits one with a car ….
My husband is a peta nut or anything, but he’s a softie for animals. He has no problem eating meat, he just can’t see himself killing it for enjoyment.
My one son is pretty irritated by his dad’s position. He wants to go hunting so badly.
Lots of folks around here (most folks) hunt, many of them out of need to be honest.
ISN’T. ISN’T.
No unauthorized junk touching for me this weekend. What about you? Going anywhere?
Nope. Driving the ten minutes to the in-laws for dinner. That’s it.
I’ll have you know, BiW, that is the potato rescued from Rosetta’s ass. He had no comment.
Poor bastard stared into the Mouth of Madness. Just be glad he isn’t screaming.
>>This one looks nice.
The look in its eyes has a “But my prostate’s fine!” quality to it. You might consider calling local taxidermists. Most of them take 50% down on a job, and invariably when they’re done somebody can’t afford to pay the balance. They may have some good quality stuff like that that you can look at close up before you buy it, and it will be half price. I’d be wary about buying mounts over the internet where you can’t smell them (!) or see if little bugs have gotten in to the hide.
Carin – Should be able to find a hunting mentor for him at the local gun/hunting club. Most around these parts have youth programs for just that purpose.
The Holidays are once again here
And family and friends will gather together soon
To share warmth and laughter and love and joy
Over the thought of punching Andy in the poon.
Wear.
Gloves.
My dad is in the kitchen cooking. He’ll be doing that all day for the ingrates who will be arriving tomorrow (hopefully after I leave).
The perfect day is one in which they arrive AND depart in my absence.
Driving the ten minutes to the in-laws for dinner.
In that horrible weather?
You crazy!
*loads car up for 2 hour trek to the dreaded in-laws, secure in the knowledge that I will come home with yet another wonderful story to tell.
Herr – that was craigsist, so i’d see it before I brought it home.
But, I look around. I don’t know about any hunting clubs …
I should ask my hairdresser. They hunt a ton …
The perfect day is one in which they arrive AND depart in my absence.
Where’s my turkey at?
In that horrible weather?
I’m actually in the office today, but as soon as it gets dark and the temperature drops, I should have an interesting drive hiome.
>>He has no problem eating meat, he just can’t see himself killing it for enjoyment.
The first one is the toughest. Then you cut out the tenderloins and grill them and you feel a lot better.
Extra secret wild game sauce that’s been in my family for at least a couple years:
1/2 c. butter
1/2 c. currant jelly
several big old dashes of worcestershire sauce, and by dashes I mean the kind that go “glug” when you shake the bottle.
Put the shit that will melt in a saucepan. Melt it. Then add the worcestershire.
Add:
rosemary
thyme
summer savory.
Let that shit simmer, stirring enough that it doesn’t stick to the pan. Use as a sauce on dark game. Also awesome on the inevitable Uncle Ben’s long grain and wild rice that you serve with your wild game unless you’re a ninny and therefore probably a Democrat.
My drive is two hours too, Wiser.
And, I won’t have a story from THERE, but I prolly will be bored.
My sil is the only one coming – husband’s two brother’s can’t make it.
SIL divides the day between her moms house and her husband’s family’s gathering. It is so annoying. We get to mil’s house – no one will be around, as we wait for sil’s “first” t-day dinner to occur. She’ll show up later, full, her husband preferring to stay with his superior family … for a quick eat before they all scamper back to the other house.
It’s very irritating, but you know, the husband is the decider. He prefers his family.
Meanwhile, husband watches football all day and I stare at the walls.
Perhaps I should bring a flask of something?
Herr – I would LOVE it if he hunted, and would love to cook the meat, etc. But, husband is already stretched pretty thin as it is. He just has no desire. He’s a good shot, etc, but just doesn’t want to do it.
I can’t make him.
He likes to fish.
>>He likes to fish.
http://worid-of-books.com/?id=oVQKAAAACAAJ
You shan’t be disappointed.
http://lapeersportsmens.org/
The opportunity for teeth-gnashing, knuckle-whitening, blood-pressure-raising incidents is triple the norm for me this weekend.
T-day Thursday, after-party on Friday, (in which not all family members are invited or, if invited, will not attend, due to internal bickering) then a big b-day party that wiserbride and I are throwing for wiserbride’s sister on Saturday.
No help (financial or otherwise) has been offered from any other member of the family on the party, including from her brother or her husband. But I’m sure there will be many, many suggestions on how we could have done it better, intermingled with complaints about the food, the choice of refreshments, or a multitude of other items that I cannot even imagine yet.
http://www.traderscreek.com/gun_clubs/michigan.asp
Plus, wiserbride’s former best and closest friend in the world until wiserbride introduced her to wiser-sister-in-law’s brother-in-law, whom she then married and proceeded to write wiserbride out of her life for reasons unknown, will be there allllll weekend.
Joy to the world, I wish I had a gun….
Wiser – Revolver or shotgun?
Mrs. BiW and I are going to Seattle to see this Friday afternoon.
http://www.5thavenue.org/show/achristmasstory1011/
I’m looking forward to it. She, on the other hand, is less enthusiastic.
Wiser – Revolver or shotgun?
Automatic. Harder for them to get away when he reloads.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VlMP1hwXIEs
Gosh wiserbud that sucks. Why don’t you come hang with me and my mother in law. I’m going to spend the next five days telling my kids, don’t touch the walls, dont even look near the walls, oh yeah and dont be kids
Wiser – Revolver or shotgun?
I’m not looking for maximum damage over a large crowd. Just to take out specific targets.
Revolver probably a better option.
guess what???? DRIVE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111
Gosh wiserbud that sucks.
This is on top of the normal “sister-in-law with the perfect angel daughter who is just going to HAVE to sing for everyone!” who will be bitching and whining about her marriage and how horribly this family treats her and why-oh-why won’t the 99-year-old matriarch make the 14-hour drive to see perfect angel daughter perform her latest one-line in the latest play she is performing in…..
Oh, and the former friend now has a baby, so that will make her demand to be the center of attention…..
In fact, the mother- and father-in-law are the BEST of the crowd.
Hey Andy, if you’re lurking let me know what you schedule is and we will try to “meat” up.
If anybody needs a place to come to eat turkey. I have plenty, I had three drop out at the last min. GRRRRRR.
Oh how I hate the holidays. It’s why large amounts of alcohol are in order.
Wiser – My advice? Drink heavily on the way there, while there and on the return.
There. . . FIXD!!
Spin me back down the years and the days of my youth.
Draw the lace and black curtains and shut out the whole truth.
Spin me down the long ages: let them sing the song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zxlanfx_91M
Wow, wiser, and I thought they canceled As the World Turns. You couldn’t have a better script. Get a screenwriter, there’s gotta be some out there, with all the remakes coming out lately.
For those of you traveling to spend time with people you don’t like, drive with some extra caution today. This is the busiest day of the year for drinking establishments.
It makes sense, if you have to spend time with a bunch of people you don’t like, you might as well do it with a hangover.
Wiserbud, let’s ditch!
Wiserbud, let’s ditch!
Sounds good. Meet me in French Lick.
Okay, gotta go.
Y’all have a wondermous holiday.
Mrs MJ aren’t really doing anything. Anyone can come here. Head toward the east coast then turn right. If you’re on the east coast, just go straight down.
You have to a) be interesting b) able to drink large quantities of adult beverages c) tell funny stories d) hate who I tell you to hate
proceeded to write wiserbride out of her life for reasons unknown, will be there allllll weekend.
Her loss, my gain. I might not be as much fun as that other broad, but T is going to have to move and change her name and get plastic surgery and join the witness protection program to get rid of me.
.
.
.
Um.
That was meant to sound nicer than that.
Laura – Stalk much?
Nope.
By the way, you’ve got a little ketchup on- no the other side- there, you got it.
Love has a nasty habit
Of disappearing overnight. . .
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KulSQjjQVPE
Too bad the beer in Utah is too watered down to make my mil seem pleasant
You need to smuggle some booze nips in your purse.
**slides new, unopened bottle of Jack towards PJ**
There, there, dear. It’s gonna be OK
**hides knives and guns**
Donde esta Aggie. . . no volvere?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FZwEE2s3qxE
http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/848168-novice-angler-catches-monster-halibut-worth-25-000
Halibut?
Smells like Mare.
Some people just fish for the halibut.
*shoots xbrad point-blank in the chest with a shotgun full of circular saws*
Laura – Whatcha cooking for tomorrow?
laura likes teh giblets
But not the normal bag shit
She gets her giblets from her hump
Cuz she’s a fucking faggot
*runs away*
I hope someone kills xbrad before tomorrow so I have something to be thankful for.
I’m bringing a cassatta cake to my Aunt’s house.
We’re bringing my MIL over there because my mother asked me to ask her. Scott is distraught.
Scott: This is going to be a hideous disaster.
Me: Your mom is 80. She has met crazy people before. It will be fine.
Scott: *tense face and silence*
WTF is a cassatta cake?
LauraW – Tell Scott to STFU and put his big girl panties on. Why should he have a relaxing Thanksgiving while Wiser is breaking up fights and Floyd get an ice cube shoved up his ass?
Floyd, ice cube!
Rosie – I’m surprised that Scott didn’t package and mail you a slice from the Tx meatup!!!?!
Rosie, if today keeps going like the last couple days, I’ll just kill myself to avoid tomorrow.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jVGo8TLp40A
Rosetta, ice cube!
*snaps on latex gloves*
*pulls huge jagged chunk of ice from freezer*
Rosie – I’m surprised that Scott didn’t package and mail you a slice from the Tx meatup!!!?!
No kidding. What an asshole.
So is it just you and Herself tomorrow?
FUCK YOU, ICE!!!!
http://tinyurl.com/n553p
Rosie, if today keeps going like the last couple days, I’ll just kill myself to avoid tomorrow.
That sucks. You deserve to have a great Thanksgiving, Hospital Fruit.
I’ll mail you some bacon.
And by “bacon” I mean “some of Floyd’s throw up”.
Hey, MCPO…I was running errands in
hadesthe mall.Rosie – No. My gal pal from my Navy days and her beau, the Arlington LEO are coming up.
Aggie – I hope you saw my song dedication!
Does anyone else find it slightly embarrassing that when Rosie yells, “Floyd. Ice cube” the puppy backs up to him?
Still playing it, MCPO 😀
*dances in the kitchen*
In Russia, ICE FUCKS YOU.
http://tinyurl.com/2a57rzu
That cassatta cake was awesome.
I’m about to start brining my turkey.
And after I finish masturbating, I will begin preparations for our Thanksgiving meal.
And after I finish masturbating, I will begin preparations for our Thanksgiving meal.
HAHAHAHAHA!!
Happy Thanksgiving to you and Mrs. Cuffy.
*crosses Cuffy off the list of places to go for a meal*
Nice, Cuffy.
Scott is taking the store and letting me go home early so I can ‘frost my cakes.’
Same to you and Herself, Chief. We’ll be hitting the road in a coupla hours, up to TN.
I’m thankful for the bestest dysfunctional family that could ever choose to admit an asshole like myself.
Really, you guys are the best, and I thank you all for putting up with my shit.
*injects coffee nips with kalhua
“laura likes teh giblets
But not the normal bag shit
She gets her giblets from her hump
Cuz she’s a fucking faggot
”
Did that rhyme?
Well, as a relatively new member of H2, I feel the same way, BisW.
In reality, y’all are my normal beacon. Which should tell you a lot about my Puerto Rican family.
Has this been linked here yet?
http://pomegranatephone.com/
Be sure to try the coffee maker & harmonica.
Enjoy your Thanksgiving pasteles, Aggie!
PJM critiques my rhyme
It’s an embarrassing disgrace
But what else would you expect
From a monkey-lipped bitch face?
My brother is coming over to our place. He’s gonna eat, he’s gonna fucking like it, and then he’s gonna leave.
We like to keep things simple.
Enjoy your Thanksgiving pasteles, Aggie!
Laura is OMNISCIENT!!!!1111ELEVENTY!!!!
Like Danny the Tourette’s Guy
I’m having a cold beer
And when tomorrow comes
WHERE ARE THE PAPER TOWELS!!!!
Fin.
Drive time.
Talk to you later shmoopsies!
Monkey lipped? I guess feces throwing is in order
BYE DUMPTY!!!
Happy Thanksgiving Eve.
Please have a couple of martinis and Jaeger shots on me.
*tackles pajama momma, gives her “THE PAPER TOWELS!!!”*
HAHAHAHA!
Rosetta makes me laugh. It’s like watching Barry try to talk without his teleprompter!
Schmoopsies? As in plural? I thought I was enough for her
I wonder how long I’ll be at the car dealership? Just give me a fucking price!
SHe was talking about your tits.
Rosie, if today keeps going like the last couple days, I’ll just kill myself to avoid tomorrow.
KEEP IT TOGETHER FOLKS.
We can make it through this holiday. We are Hostages. Hear us roar.
Sure, it may suck. The drives will leaves us drained, we’ll overeat, and prolly say something rude to at least ONE member of our families.
But when it’s all over, we know we can come back here and bitch about it.
Won’t that make it all worth it?
I feel better now hotspur, thanks
Please have a couple of martinis and Jaeger shots on me.
Well, aren’t you the kinky one…
Rosetta makes me laugh. It’s like watching Barry try to talk without his teleprompter!
Like his turkey pardon speech this morning?
Good grief, that was just painful to watch. Couldn’t even read from prepared remarks right in front of him without stumbling over it.
Run or gym? Humn.
MCPO, you’ll like this.
Mrs Rosetta and I and Floyd are getting our Christmas tree on Saturday and decorating the house for Christmas. A month ago I ordered something for our front room which she doesn’t know about yet.
http://tinyurl.com/y8bf4qv
BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!!!
prolly say something rude to
at least ONEevery member of our families.Fixt 😉
OMG, pjd actually made laugh
Pjd reading road sign
“Beaver, 20 miles.”
“That’s a pretty big beaver”
It’s almost like b-rad being funnt
I heard a bit of it and it sounded rather stupid, BiW.
Run or gym? Humn.
Combine the two and have some rum.
NEXT QUESTION!
Well I’m having a nice relaxing T-day. I’ll try to send good vibes to y’all.
MJ when we bought Laura’s truck the salesperson wouldn’t tell us the price, just what the monthly payment would be. I asked 3 times and was getting pissed. Finally I asked her ” how many payments and at what interest rate?”. She got up to check with her manager and we walked out the door.
The phone was ringing when we got home, it was the manager, I told him to fuck off.
Please have a couple of martinis and Jaeger shots on me.
Dayum that was a salty shot
month ago I ordered something for our front room which she doesn’t know about yet.
http://tinyurl.com/y8bf4qv
Ha – my son walked by when I opened that and he informed me that our neighbors have one of those.
Rosie, I gotta work out today so I don’t feel guilty tomorrow.
That’s just the way it is.
“That’s a pretty big beaver”
Hahahahahahahaha.
What did you say?
Whoa, check this red/blue map from 1976:
OMG! Rosetta won a major prize! Electric sex!
And it is Italian, too. It says Frageelee right on the box!
I threw feces at him
Rosie – If you don’t send me a pic of you and Mrs. Rosie standing next to that lamp, I’m gonna beat the shit out of Sean with a 5 wood!
Rosie, I gotta work out today so I don’t feel guilty tomorrow.
What is this guilt that you speak of?
Baby Monkey! (hoo hoo!), Baby Monkey! (hoo hoo!), Throwing shit at Rosie, Baby Monkey! (hoo hoo!)
What did you say?
She said, “Mine is bigger”
What time should I start drinking today?
Scott: I just told the guy how much I’m putting down what I’m willing to take for my trade. I asked for the best price inclusive of tax title fees etc. Then I asked him not to waste my time. We’ll see. I’m leaving After this go- round.
“Baby Monkey! (hoo hoo!), Baby Monkey! (hoo hoo!), Throwing shit at Rosie, Baby Monkey! (hoo hoo!)”
Hahaha
My how things have changed, Cuffy.
PJM – How many children have received beatings today?
What time should I start drinking today?
Yesterday.
Brad, H&B Bonus Hooker today 🙂
Rosie – If you don’t send me a pic of you and Mrs. Rosie standing next to that lamp, I’m gonna beat the shit out of Sean with a 5 wood!
I’ll send you one. I’m going to ask her to run to the store and while she’s gone I’m going to put it in the front window so she sees if when she drives up. She is going to be SO hilariously bummed out.
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
And feel free to beat the shit out of Sean anyway. On principle.
Yesterday.
I did. But I stopped before the medication took effect. So I have to start all over.
Yep, not a single red county in GA in 1976. Wonder why?
http://is.gd/hIFR7
“She said, “Mine is bigger”
HAHAHAHA!
Rat bastard
I thought Jimmah was going to go down in American history as our worst president. Now. . . not so much. Leave it to my generation to elect 2 complete assholes to the most powerful office in the country!
Baby Monkey! (hoo hoo!), Baby Monkey! (hoo hoo!), Throwing shit at Rosie, Baby Monkey! (hoo hoo!)
Hahahahahahahahaha. You bastard.
http://tinyurl.com/23sajy4
MCPO, none. They’re all sedated
Then is NOW a good time, Hotspur???
Aggie, thanks. She’s not a bad looking girl, but again, her booty don’t pop the way you know I like.
Here you go, Brad:
Then is NOW a good time, Hotspur???
4:07 on Thanksgiving Eve?
Why, yes!
Booty pop
http://tinyurl.com/ybr7gbb
What are we having tonight? Beer? Wine? Whiskey? How about a fruity drink with an umbrella in it?
Now that’s what I’m talking about, Aggie.
She’s PuertoRican, right/
Holy shit, there’s such a thing, Hotspur?? HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
She’s PuertoRican, right/
From the ass down, I imagine 😉
I’m sure I’ll be having LDS Lager MCPO
MJ carsdirect.com
It’s the only way to go.
Aggie, I’ve seen your eye (your hair was covering the patch over the other one), and your bewbs, but not your booty.
Why do you hate me?
Aggie, whatchoo doin’ for Turkey Day?
Worst Thanksgiving Ever.
http://tinyurl.com/29duy75
Wheee!!!!!!!
It’s Thanksgiving.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_7C0QGkiVo
Aggie is going to make 78 authentic pasteles hecho de puertoriquenas autenticas and mail them to me.
Alternatively, she will post the recipe.
Shut the fuck up, Dick.
(your hair was covering the patch over the other one)
HAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!
Why do you hate me?
I’ll send pics of my ass for the ass page after Thanksgiving. Is there an ass page??
Aggie, whatchoo doin’ for Turkey Day?
I’m making half the meal, including the turkey, which I will carve with my 14 inch machete, and I’m also responsible for the dessert, a Pumpkin Trifle 🙂
I’m making half the meal, including the turkey, which I will carve with my 14 inch machete, and I’m also responsible for the dessert, a Pumpkin Trifle 🙂
Fun! WTF is a Pumpkin Trifle?
Laura, I will be more than happy to email you the recipe 🙂
Dick, I’m in the kitchen, and barefoot. That’s as far as I’m going.
Bunch of teetotalers!
*opens fresh bottle of Irish*
Hey Dick, what’s the weather like in your neck of the weeds?
We have excellent Thanksgiving weather today.
Aggie – Send my way too, por favor.
Gracias muneca!
Aggie, do you know why women don’t need watches?
We need a new thread.
This one is slower than Dick picking up the soap in prison.
Rosetta:
Only pumpkin and walnuts instead of chocolate and peanut butter 🙂
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_A39cgxoHN64/S_NU7BRkfaI/AAAAAAAAE9U/WJCL31sNLu8/s1600/peanut-butter-trifle.jpg
Only pumpkin and walnuts instead of chocolate and peanut butter 🙂
I want to touch that in its swimsuit area.
Aggie, do you know why women don’t need watches?
*eagerly awaits punchline*
Rossetta, actually, it’s about 80 degrees, windy as hell, and humid.
That’s supposed to change around 4am in the morning and get cold as shit.
That’s good. It can’t be hot on Thanksgiving.
Stupid Al Gore.
Aggie, do you know why women don’t need watches?
*eagerly awaits punchline*
There’s a clock on the stove.
*runs away*
There was father rapers.
Who turn is it to barf up a new poat?
Hurry up, lazy jackass!!
There’s a clock on the stove.
*gives Rosetta the ball whip treatment*
Hahahaha
Why does Alice’s Restaurant make me think of Laura and Scott?
HAHAHAHAHA!
Hope Wiser is going south and not north!!!
http://www.thebostonchannel.com/r/25910285/detail.html
Rosetta, how many drinks does it take for you to wake up in the morning with Sharpie markings all over your bald head?
Why does Alice’s Restaurant make me think of Laura and Scott?
The mountain of trash? You saw our van, right?
Aggie: laura w tips AT gmail DOOTCOOM
It is my understanding that they are a lot of work to make. Right up my alley for Sunday cooking days in Winter. 😉
The mountain of trash? You saw our van, right?
No, actually I think I like to picture the two of you living in the steeple of an old church.
Woohoo! Trip to TN postponed til the AM!
*opens Guiness*
…
.
.
.
.
.
….
.
.
.
.wtf??
NEW POAT UP, BIZNITCHS!
[…] The H2 has Thanksgiving advice. And some Rule 5 for the ladies […]
Nice text & pictures, thank you.