♪ It’s the most wonderful time of the year ♪
THE LIGHT’S NOT GETTING ANY FUCKING GREENER, ASSHOLE! MOVE IT ALREADY!!!!
♪ With the kids jingle belling ♪
Okay, Grandma, your back-up light has been on for 5 minutes already and there is no one besides you and me for about 5 miles around. I think you can safely BACK OUT OF THAT FUCKING PARKING SPACE NOW….
♪ And everyone telling you “Be of good cheer” ♪
WHAT THE FUCK??!??! DIDN’T YOU SEE ME SITTING HERE BEFORE YOU PULLED INTO THAT PARKING SPACE, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE???!!?!?
♪ It’s the most wonderful time of the year ♪
What do you mean you don’t have that in a size 6? NO, I DON’T WANT IT IN A SIZE 12 INSTEAD, YOU FUCKING MORON!!!!1!11!!
♪ It’s the hap-happiest season of all ♪
Really? You don’t know how to ring up a credit card sale? HOW THE FUCK LONG HAVE YOU BEEN WORKING HERE!?!?
♪ With those holiday greetings and gay happy meetings ♪
Oh sunuvaBITCH!!! WHO THE FUCK DOES THIS TO SOMEONE’S CAR AND DOESN’T LEAVE A FUCKING NOTE??!?!?
♪ When friends come to call ♪
Okay, you stupid fuck, if you don’t fucking speed up, I’m gonna fucking….grrrr…. you are going ….. GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH I’M GONNA FUCKING KILL A BITCH!!!!!
♪ It’s the hap- happiest season of all…. ♪
Yes sir, officer, license and registration……I know the drill….
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Flawlessly naming puppies since March 2009 
Wiserbud seems happier than normal. Anyone else notice that?
Please sir, more gruel.
Sweet Jehosephat in a bucket of chicken.
I still have to shop for my dad, sister, and wife.
Plenty of time.
I spent twenty minutes tracking down Justin Bieber dolls for a guest today. I don’t even know Wiser and thought of him.
I don’t even know Wiser and thought of him.
HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Did you know that there is a Justin Bieber scent for sale at Macy’s?
I sure hope my SS knew that…..
Sweet Jehosephat in a bucket of chicken.
Little much?
Little much?
Not for you.
Cathy sends her thanks, y’all.
I capped my night of drinking with a plate of 1.5 lb of grassfed sirloin, and my brain is rewarding me with hefty amounts of serotonin.
Prozac is covered by my insurance, but this works better.
Also, “heart-y taste-y chili” is now cooking in the crock pot. Smells amazing.
Even though I’m a codger, the self-centered, craptastic attitudes of the masses this week have me somewhat shocked.
Aggie, I think I figured out who you were on Facechimp and sent a friend request.
Dammit! That sonofabitch must’ve put a spycam in my car.
Do y’all know about planetary gears?
Not for you.
If no one ever pushed the envelope, we wouldn’t have Tang.
we wouldn’t have Tang.
And now, I have to listen to Chris Isaak…
I sure hope my SS knew that…..
Oh she does….
Osito, confirmed!!
>> Do y’all know about planetary gears?
Yeah. And it’s a damned shame what happened to Pluto.
Meh…you fockers moved without me.
My hubby tells me to be the minimum wage ‘tard they think I am.
HAHA…so does mine. Hard to do when you are the only one that can get crap done.
One time, I was called to the office for meet and greet of our new boss. It got slighted heated in that he made it sound like I was trying to sabotage the new dpt manager by trying to bring back the old one. WTF? Um, I hadn’t spoken to the old once since she left. Perhaps you should be speaking to ‘X’ since she has her on speed dial and you couldn’t fart in the bakery without her texting her.
Next issue – well, when you are off, things fall apart up there.
Me –
Do y’all know about planetary gears?
I know about Disraeli Gears….
Meh…you fockers moved without me.
Yeah, I was really incredibly subtle with the “new fucking poat” comment….
Christmas and Exmas are two different holidays to me…
So sorry to hear of Cathy’s loss. Especially at this time of year. I hope she and her mom are doing okay.
We just went to Target again and the young man found us a copy of Deathly Hollows pt 1. Last one. WOO HOO. I think most of my shopping is done.
Well, aren’t you the smartass, Mr. Wiser. You moved while I was composing.
*shoves a packing peanut up wiser’s nose*
**bans Wiser until after Christmas**
. Perhaps you should be speaking to ‘X’ since she has her on speed dial and you couldn’t fart in the bakery without her texting her.
Do you want me to occupy it? cuz I totally will
I want a kindle for Christmas. Anyone have any recommendations?
>> And it’s a damned shame what happened to Pluto.
Man that was fucked up.
Happy Channukah everybody! 😀
. Perhaps you should be speaking to ‘X’ since she has her on speed dial and you couldn’t fart in the bakery without her texting her.
First of all, I’m a him not a her. And second, don’t be dragging me into your bullshit arguments with management.
Dave, that blew my mind wide open.
Good evening, revvy 🙂
Happy Channukah, Revvy. I was kosher today by accident.
**bans Wiser until after Christmas**
you say that like it’s some kind of punishment.
Ok, I have more than enough Christmas recipes already and I really don’t plan on starting an exercise routine until after the holidays are over.
So, honestly, other than this Friday’s monstrously misshapen reindeer-faced elf that MJ will pawn off as the Christmas BBF gal, what, exactly, would I be missing?
I want a kindle for Christmas. Anyone have any recommendations?
Stop using your teeth?
I wasn’t. My family doesn’t keep kosher. We’re the type of Jews that look at parts of the Torah and go ‘Eh…. that doesn’t make sense. Fuck that.’
Thanks for the add, Aggie. Beasn, I have actually been missing my old school retail managers that didn’t pay lip service to “team” and “wellness”. When we first started opening on Sundays, I had a manager tell me that “God doesn’t sign your paycheck, Target does”. I miss him.
what, exactly, would I be missing?
What you’re missing, or what you need?
Because you obviously need a big squishy hug.
Oooooh, not so hard though, you made me pass gas.
sorry bout that.
PJM – we got my mom a kindle fire for channukah. It seems pretty nifty so far.
Hey, Revvy! Happy Hanukkah!
We need to talk about you illustrating a story I promised to write for a little girl last week.
Madison the Elf. (she’s a black elf.) Start the creatitation stuff…..
Stop using your teeth?
True, blowjobs executed well will get a woman lots of things
Happy Chanukah, Rev.
Happy Hanukkah, Revvy!
>> Dave, that blew my mind wide open.
You gotta watch it while listening to the Dark Side of the Moon.
All night.
…
We’ll wait.
Oooooh, not so hard though, you made me pass gas.
And this is why you don’t have a Kindle already….
Wiser, hang on, I’ve got a weather update for you in a moment!
I didn’t have any pork or shellfish, and no cheese with meat. Only beef and fish today. Pretty sure that qualifies, but it wasn’t intentional. I’m a lapsed Catholic, and I don’t even do Lent right.
True, blowjobs executed well will get a woman lots of things
Impressive! That has to be the fastest you ever got a joke evah!
PJM, what are you looking for in a reader?
True, blowjobs executed well will get a woman lots of things
Much truth there.
Revvy – Light the lamp!
speaking of recipes, what is everybody serving for dessert, Christmas Day?
I need ideas. I have to make apple pie for beasnette and I’m gonna make brownie dipped Oreos. Kipfels, perhaps, but those are time consuming.
I’m off to do pig dooty and when I check back I hope to see a list.
*nods at wiser*
Revvy – Light the lamp!
According to our Dear Leader, you should light them all at once. And you should have done it about a week and a half ago.
Other than that, you seem to be doing fine with this whole “celebration of the lights” thingy.
Beasn, chocolate martini. Does that count as a dessert?
*nods at wiser*
*does that pointy-finger-gun thing with the wink and a “click-click” sound made with my mouth.
PJM – we got my mom a kindle fire for channukah. It seems pretty nifty so far.
Thank you! All my courses are online and I’m sick of reading the texts at the computer all the time. I’d like to be able to read in bed,……or read in the bath like I used to with my old texts. At least this way when I drop the kindle in the bath, the pages won’t stick together like they did if I dropped my book in.
speaking of recipes, what is everybody serving for dessert, Christmas Day?
Date nut balls.
*checks porch for anonymous package*
*lights a doob*
I’m good.
snickerdoodles, duh
Mom has fudge, M&M cookies, banana cake, and pumpkin bread, and will soon add banana bread to that list.
Leon, you’re going to be my stalker in my story tonight.
what is everybody serving for dessert, Christmas Day?
Frozen margaritas
(my in-laws keep the temperature in their house up really high.)
Bobby Jindal robocalls for Perry in Iowa. Just got off the phone with the Governor.
the pages won’t stick together like they did ….
…..when you loaned your textbooks to xbrad……
>> According to our Dear Leader, you should light them all at once. And you should have done it about a week and a half ago.
Gaffe? What gaffe?
/MFM
I served Pumpkin Cheesecake one year, and it was a hit.
Date nut balls.
You just described Jewstin’s perfect evening… except without the commas…..
Beasn, I am making my super fast, super easy chocolate mousse:
16 oz heavy whipping cream
6 oz Nutella
1 oz Grand Marnier, or liqueur of choice (optional)
Whip the cream on high until stiff peaks form (SYWM!!). Fold in the Nutella and the liqueur, if you wish, and mix until blended. Whip on high again until uniform in color, and divide into 6-8 dessert dishes, or into a serving bowl and refrigerate for a few hours.
Bestest stuff EVAH!!!
Leon, you’re going to be my stalker in my story tonight.
Isn’t it supposed to be fiction?
Actually Wiser, my computer is on the fritz – haven’t been able to get any work done lately, and prolly won’t until I have a new one.
Is it really a gaffe if you do it intentionally?
Or if 85% of the Jewish community ignores it and votes for him anyway?
Revvy
Im the kinda of Xtian that pretty much forgets most of Leviticus and remembers when Jesus was asked Which Commandment is the most important one” My main man J stops, smiles and says
“Love one another as you would want to be loved”
Happy Hanukkah from a very bent and broken Christian XOXOXO
Actually Wiser, my computer is on the fritz – haven’t been able to get any work done lately, and prolly won’t until I have a new one
No worries. We have a year to get it done.
Impressive! That has to be the fastest you ever got a joke evah!
What can I say? I’m brilliant.
PJM, what are you looking for in a reader?
I just want to be able to read my texts in other locations of the house. My house has no heat and I want to be able to move to other parts of the house so I can have a blanket or something.
>> Beasn, I am making my super fast, super easy chocolate mousse:
The mousse is loouse.
Christmas Dessert?
we are having a pumpkin pie and homemade fudge
PJM, you’re going to be my blonde friend who doesn’t get the math joke that leon totally laughs at.
A møøusse once bit my sister..
‘Night, people.
Mrs Peel can i be the forgettable character that disappears on page 23?
The mousse is loouse.
*gives Dave chocolate mousse*
PJM, you’re going to be my blonde friend who doesn’t get the math joke that leon totally laughs at.
Ok. go. Tell it!
Wait, is the answer 4?
I’m about about to nod off. G’night folks.
No realli! She was Karving her initials on the møøse
with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush given
her by Svenge – her brother-in-law – an Oslo dentist and
star of many Norwegian møvies: “The Høt Hands of an Oslo
Dentist”, “Fillings of Passion”, “The Huge Mølars of Horst
Nordfink”…
Night, Andy. Thanks for the puppeh picture.
Well, it’s supposed to be a 500-word story. But I wrote about 50 and exhausted my fund of creativity already tonight. Got a kitchen to clean in the morning.
Um, my child just dialed 911. Is airplane mode what you’re supposed to put the phone on to keep that from happening.
Little shit.
Let’s just say the punchline is, “Then the mathematician said, ‘Now if exactly one person enters the house, it will be empty again.'”
I just want to be able to read my texts in other locations of the house. My house has no heat and I want to be able to move to other parts of the house so I can have a blanket or something.
Shorter version: “I want to be able to take a shit while doing my homework.”
all most of us want is a warm place to take a shit.
..
Take wiserbud’s basement, as a crazy example. Very warm.
No realli! She was Karving her initials on the møøse
with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush given
her by Svenge – her brother-in-law – an Oslo dentist and
star of many Norwegian møvies: “The Høt Hands of an Oslo
Dentist”, “Fillings of Passion”, “The Huge Mølars of Horst
Nordfink”…
We apologise for the fault in the comments. Those responsible have
been sacked.
Take wiserbud’s basement, as a crazy example. Very warm.
You really owe Tiki an apology……..
Nevermind. It was in airplane mode.
The credits have been completed in an entirely different style at
great expense and at the last minute.
Executive Producer
JOHN GOLDSTONE & “RALPH” The Wonder Llama
Producer
MARK FORSTATER
Assisted By
EARL J. LLAMA
MIKE Q. LLAMA III
SY LLAMA
MERLE Z. LLAMA IX
Directed By
40 SPECIALLY TRAINED
ECUADORIAN MOUNTAIN LLAMAS
6 VENEZUELAN RED LLAMAS
142 MEXICAN WHOOPING LLAMAS
14 NORTH CHILEAN GUANACOS
(CLOSELY RELATED TO THE LLAMA)
REG LLAMA OF BRIXTON
76000 BATTERY LLAMAS
FROM “LLAMA-FRESH” FARMS LTD. NEAR PARAGUAY
Mynd you, møøusse bites Kan be pretty nasti..
>> You really owe Tiki an apology……..
I had a raw shellfish attack. Couldn’t help it.
I paid the carpet cleaning bill.
“Then the mathematician said, ‘Now if exactly one person enters the house, it will be empty again.’”
Ok! the answer IS 4!
WOOT! WOOT!
I paid the carpet cleaning bill.
Still waiting on to be reimbursed for the cat cleaning, however……
“Then the mathematician said, ‘Now if exactly one person enters the house, it will be empty again.’”
It’s a Polar Bear!!
I’m starting to worry.
I read the title and the first three lines and I knew it was Wiser’s work.
Maybe you need to ask your doc for some Xanax, Buddy?
Ok. Here’s the full joke and I still don’t get it. Who does?
“”A biologist, a physicist, and a mathematician were sitting in a street caf√© watching the crowd. Across the street they saw a man and a woman entering a building. Ten minutes later they reappeared together with a third person. “They have multiplied,” said the biologist. “Oh no, an error in measurement,” the physicist sighed. “If exactly one person enters the building now, it will be empty again,” the mathematician concluded.””
Splain
>> Still waiting on to be reimbursed for the cat cleaning, however……
I told you to throw it in the washing machine.
Not my fault others dissented. It was a plan.
They said there’d be no math. Not sure if that encompasses math jokes.
Splain
Really??
beasn, there can be only 3 proper Christmas dinner desserts: Minchmeat Pie, Derby Pie and/or Plum Pudding.
fin
Not my fault others dissented. It was a plan.
my bad for not planning appropriately. Next time I will be sure to have enough latex gloves around.
Really??
Um. yeah. Is it some sort of divide by zero type joke?
It’s more of a definition of their specialities kind of joke 😉
Splain
the mathematician is assuming that the building was empty to begin with.
So when the 3 people came out, after 2 people went in, the population of the building was now at negative one.
So one person goes in and the total population becomes zero.
d’uh.
Really?? Yep. There is a reason some of us dropped out 3 credit hours short of a dual degree and work at the same job they’ve had since high school.
The assumption that all three of the scientist types were making was that the house was empty to begin with. So for two people to go into an empty house and three to come out, something had to happen. Each of them explains the perceived mismatch based on their field. The biologist figures that the two people reproduced, the physicist figures that the first count of two people was inaccurate, and the mathematician says the house will be empty again if one person enters it.
If the house started at 0 people, then 2 entered and 3 came out, you have 0+2-3 = -1. To get back to 0 people, you have to add 1 person.
There is a reason some of us dropped out 3 credit hours short of a dual degree and work at the same job they’ve had since high school.
UoP, baby!!!!!
You’ll have your degree in 2 months!
>> Next time I will be sure to have enough latex gloves around.
I have no feelings for cats.
You knew that.
You’ll have your degree in 2 months!
Plus, you’ll understand math jokes!
win-win!!!
the mathematician is assuming that the building was empty to begin with.
So when the 3 people came out, after 2 people went in, the population of the building was now at negative one.
So one person goes in and the total population becomes zero.
ok. I can totally get it when explained that way. Worst joke ever.
work at the same job they’ve had since high school.
Omg! Now that is some dedication!
I have no feelings for cats.
Trust me, they aren’t really big fans of yours anymore either….
I think you guys have all heard this joke before. That’s what I think.
It’s…actually one of my favorite jokes.
*runs away crying*
*Pants peej.*
I used to be blonde and got by on cute. This joke made my brain hurt.
Worst joke ever.
I didn’t say it was funny. I just said I understood it.
(sorry peelio)
I read the title and the first three lines and I knew it was Wiser’s work.
Well, since eddiebear’s gone missing, I figured I had to pick up the slack.
It’s…actually one of my favorite jokes.
*runs away crying*
hahaha, motherhood…….see what it does to us?
*Pants peej.*
oh right, like I was wearing any?
I used to be blonde and got by on cute.
It’s like we’re twins…..
I actually got the joke!!?
Must be time for bed. . . NYTOL!
I loved the joke, Peel!! I just texted it to Hubby, and he texted back:
HA!! I have to tell that joke to the New Zelanders and Aussies today! You just won $20
Yes, I did win $20 😀
Well.
I hate math.
And obviously, jokes and I don’t get along so well….
I’m glad Wiser and Peel explained the joke to me. My brain shut down early in the set up.
Yes, I did win $20 😀
Winning $20 is so much easier than earning it your usual way, huh?
Pants?
And obviously, jokes and I don’t get along so well….
Awwwwww, don’t say that about yourself, Xbrad. You’re an INCREDIBLE joke, as far as I am concerned…..
Awwwwww, don’t say that about yourself, Xbrad. You’re an INCREDIBLE joke, as far as I am concerned…..
bwahahahaha, that’s only funny because it’s not about me.
Winning $20 is so much easier than earning it your usual way, huh?
Well, he is deployed right now.
bwahahahaha, that’s only funny because it’s not about me.
gimme time…..
>> Trust me, they aren’t really big fans of yours anymore either….
A cat is a creature that is willing to enter into any relationship in order to abuse it.
School nite. Later kids. Also, Merry Christmas!!
God I love Christmas.
you too.. but I’ll deny this next week.
Fuck you, Wiser. And Wiserbud.
Everyone else, enjoy this nice picture of Sophia Vergara’s fantastic ass.
BUT NOT YOU, WISER!!!
http://tinyurl.com/78p2brx
G’night, everybody.
Well, he is deployed right now.
And a girl needs to pay the bills, amirite?
G’night, Dave!
*smooches*
I’m going to take a sleeping pill and go off to bed. Y’all have a great evening.
Checking in to say good night too. Sweet Dreams cool kids.
And obviously, jokes and I don’t get along so well…
You do ok with other people’s jokes.
And a girl needs to pay the bills, amirite?
DIRECT DEPOSIT, BABY!!
Smartass 😛
G’night, Brad!! *smooch*
Fuck you, Wiser. And Wiserbud.
AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!
I’ve so missed spending time with you people……
Night guys.
what can i get for 12.75?
Smartass 😛
Commandments XI – XIII
I was saying good night to the light weights crashing early. I actually get to stay up late tonight.
I want some feldspar.
fuck all y’all.
gnite you goofyheads.
I was saying good night to the light weights crashing early. I actually get to stay up late tonight.
sadly, not me. 8am conference call tomorrow.
Which would be so much easier to take if I was getting paid for this job.
*crosses fingers……
Someday….. someday…….
So the medication change has been scary good for my numbers…As long as I eat when I’m supposed to.
what can i get for 12.75?
xbrad.
So the medication change has been scary good for my numbers…As long as I eat when I’m supposed to.
excellent news, buddy.
Seriously, good for you.
*tosses BiW a Glucerna…
BiW, eating balanced and spaced meals really worked for me. Everything I ignored before diagnoses. I really have to keep to my schedule to keep my sugars in line.
Wiser, between the snow storms and working at 4am, I’ve been a light weight. Someday you’ll get paid.
Someday you’ll get paid.
one way or another…….
Thanks for the good wishes.
I’m out. g’night, y’all.
Oso, if I run late with dinner, it goes through the floor (at least for me).
Its kinda scary.
I learned to never miss meals because of the drops. Very scary. If I drop at night, it wakes me up. I tried to push through a low sugar episode at work yesterday but my team keeps me honest.
Pumpkin cheesecake sounds interesting
Ouch. I mean, derp.
Not quite here yet (5 more years) but getting there…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WzEhoyXpqzQ
Just you and me, here on the left coast, Santa Sean.
Merry cheese burger.
It’s 3:52 and I knows where my kids be.
“”A biologist, a physicist, and a mathematician were sitting in a street caf√© watching the crowd. Across the street they saw a man and a woman entering a building. Ten minutes later they reappeared together with a third person. “They have multiplied,” said the biologist. “Oh no, an error in measurement,” the physicist sighed. “If exactly one person enters the building now, it will be empty again,” the mathematician concluded.””
No vaginas were harmed during the filming of this joke.
When this place is vacant, it feels like a cross between an empty church and a deserted drag review.
Howdy Hostages! I am home.
Mesa!
How is Mesa?
Not to Diss Jazz or PG.
I am calling it a night. Good Night!
I B dissed.
wakey wakey
Hola car in, did you sleep well?
Sorry to hear it.
LOL, sorry, I was still reading upthread.
I slept fine thank you very much 😉
You’re up early today?
How’s that elliptical?
COME BACK AND ANSWER MY QUESTION NOW PENDEJO.
WSJ on Obama’s comment regarding is super-amazing legislative accomplishments during his tenure of SCOAMF:
Asshole.
The corruption of our society – it’s not just in Detroit.
We’re fucked.
*google searches H5
The puppy blender isn’t up yet either.
W. T. F?
Property is wealth, taxes are theft.
Ok, this is just weird. NRO – on it’s front page, has stories from AUG and september.
What is going on today?
Of course, leon. But our schools are so decrepit, people don’t understand … anything.
Holy crap, Glenn Reynolds is interviewing Mark Rippetoe. My online worlds are colliding.
Schools are populated with government employees… that pretty much covers it.
Thank God leon got here. Car in was gonna pop a blood vessel.
You are on watch until I get to work, leon.
I’ll be leaving as soon as I finish my coffee.
YOU CAN’T LEAVE. ALL THE PLANTS ARE GOING TO DIE.
Who’s gonna watch Car in? You know what happened the last 3 times we left her alone.
And that’s just this week!
Good morning.
4th best president EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jimmeh must be 3rd.
It’s okay, I already hid all her razors.
I’m not watching Car in. She’ll get bored and make me do push ups.
Pushups are worth points, so there’s that.
Good morning winners
Hi Cyn!
You are the fourth best hostage, ever.
W00T!!!11!
*goes to find self a ribbon; too lazy/not enough coffee yet to look*
I’m pretty sure I’m the best Hostage without an avatard.
OH MAN! How did I miss Christmasifying your avatar Leon?! That needs remedying RIGHT NOW.
I’m not watching Car in. She’ll get bored and make me do push ups.
Oooh, see I was thinking crunches, but push-ups are better …
You know what happened the last 3 times we left her alone.
Those hobos needed killin.
HHD is here!