Crappy Candy Cornucopia

October. Most normal kids are preoccupied with what “they will be” for Halloween. For other kids, it’s Halloween every day, so, no big deal. Boof. My teen step-son is delighted with volunteering at a local haunted house thing which is kind of a big deal around here. Fright At The Fort is held at Fort Knox (not that one).

This year it’s a Stephen King theme. Say what you want about his politics and desperate need for an editor but the guy has written some classic horror novels. Anyway, he’s in the Children Of The Corn part of the tour.

He’s pretty funny with his assessment of the crowd. As the evening wears on the attendees grow older, drunker and higher on marijuana. Some of the drunken idiots don’t take kindly to screaming like a schoolgirl in front of their dates. Every part of the exhibit has adult bouncers in it thankfully.

Baber Update–1 Year

Dear weirdos,

It’s been awhile so allow  me to update you on the status of the baber.

He’s about a year old.

The end.

BUT

Holy fish stick, this is a lot of work. If I would have known how much this little man would cut into my ‘ME’ time I’m not sure I would have made the same decision. I mean, can a guy get a break already? How am I expected to waste 23.5 hours a day if I have to change diapers, rock, feed, and entertain him?

What about me?

And for that matter, what about you?

How do you guys get by everyday without my insight, wit, and honest caring about your day to day obsessions? Who tells you to fuck off? Who urges you to eat those carbs, sleep in, watch a little incest pron, accuse your daughter’s paramour of being a loser and driving a shitty car, plant that weed, give yourself a prostate exam, or try to get in touch with Cyn one more time? Who fake internet laughs at your mom jokes? Who listens to your long boring stories and then responds with a one word phrase? Who pretends to like Hotspur? Who guesses your obscure derpy lyrics? Who admonishes xbrad and then takes a shower to wash off the xbrad?

Who?

And now some baby picture…

Bad Week to be a Leftie

Man, it sure has sucked to be a leftie this last week or so. Outdone by Donny Two Scoops, the single biggest idiot ever to populate the White House (their words).

Nap Time Ends…And Once Again, I’m Bouncing ’round the Room

You people are old, I’m sure you can back me up on this: naps are pretty goddamn important.

Lets say you have a future little Alpha and you want to make sure he sleeps through the night. What to do? Well, it turns out that you have to put that little man down for 3, possibly 4 naps a day.

You want him to be less cranky? Nap that bish.

You need to do the dishes from last week’s fish fry? Nappy McNapatron.

You want to try to have rushed, awkward sex like xbrad in a flock of sheep when the sheepdog is grabbing a smoke? Nap time.

Jeez o’ Pete, why doesn’t someone give you a book when you take the baby home called, ‘Napping, a Guide to 21st Century Parenting, You Dumbfuck.’

You spend hours in parenting classes and they tell you that a little warmer for the butt wipes is a total waste of money (not true). They tell you that if you’re baby sleeps on his stomach certain death will follow (not true). They tell you that a baby doesn’t bounce (somewhat true).

But what they don’t tell you is that there’s a very simple equation for peach on earth:

Quality of Night Sleep (possibly getting laid) = Nap1(mins) x Nap2 (mins) x Nap3 (mins)

Jerks!

Anyway, if you want to see a new pic go to the POL tab and scroll down to the most handsome bastard this side of Brad Pitt’s mirror. He’s holding a baby.

BBF

Hello control cats and magic dogs, and welcome to Big Boob Friday.

 

 

 

Your model for today was born February 11th, 1997 in Claremore, Oklahoma.  She stands 5’4″ and measures 34G-25-35 and 134 lbs.  Please Marco and say Pollo to Miss Kylie Page (AKA Bonnie Kinz).

 

HHD – Gearing up for the Games

Roamy must be busy, so I’ll throw together an HHD poat for her.

Watching OnDemand shows for NBC (The Brave, WOO HOO!) has exposed me to some cool Winter Olympics ads. Of course I can’t find a link to it, since NBC probably has it locked down (why on earth would you want to release an ad to the public? why, someone might SEE IT!) but take my word for it, coolness.

What’s On The Menu?

Time to start drawing up the menu and assembling ingredients for your Thanksgiving Day feast.

Jello turkey

BBF

Hello my friends, welcome to Big Boob Friday.

 

 

Your model is from Eastern Europe, born in 1993 and measuring 45J-29-42, please get comfy and say howdy to Miss Xenia Wood!

Bear Huntin’ Season

If hunting bears was PC you can bet Hillary would be standing over a bait bucket with a rifle. But bear hunting is viewed with disdain by our liberal betters. Bear are so elusive that the IFW allows hunting with dogs and the use of bait stations and a lot of tags go unfilled. I’ve never hunted bear but I’d like to think after getting skunked a few years in a row I’d be taking advantage of all the law allowed.

This is the bear who shows up at every Hostage gathering. If “Lighter” means bullwhip I mean.

Last Few Days At Camp

In Maine I discovered early on that quite a few people have a camp they migrate to in the summer. “Camp” is a term with a wide latitude. It may mean a shack with an outhouse out in the williwacks or an oceanfront mansion next to the Bush clan down in Kennebunkport. Ours is a worn out place built in the 60’s with a living room floor that’s uneven, a plumbing / septic system that gives us fits and hideous wallpaper in the bedrooms. The main attraction? The screened in porch is 10 feet from the water’s edge. It really is beautiful. There are a lot of PITA things we deal with given that our neighbors are just 30 feet away on either side of us but I’ve grown to like the change of pace that our summers give us now. Once the kids head back to school it becomes a challenge to head up for the weekend or even a day. By the time we pack everyone’s crap up, two dogs and their food, buy groceries, etc we’re all frazzled. We’ll see what happens after the kids are moved out.