For Car in’s New Pet

In which Critical Drinker is spot on, it’s all marketing tricks for their crappy writing.


  1. Foist choice

  2. Wakey wakey

    No derp last night.

  3. I just want to say that anxiety dreams suck.

  4. Lot of lol’ing at this one

  5. Dieters enjoy repeat portions

    Not an authentic derp but hopefully worthy of the master

  6. Naked on exam day and you can’t find your correct classroom again, Peel?

    Good morning errybody.

  7. Forget where you parked in the no-go zone?

  8. Mine are always that there’s some high-level math class that I’ve been forgetting to attend for most of the term and now I can’t follow anything after showing up late.

    Then I remember I got my degrees in ’99 and ’04 and have a moment of lucidity before I wake up.


    Those sound good until the cookie you’re eating changes from vanilla wafer to Oreo

  10. College class that I somehow am enrolled in but haven’t attended any classes yet somehow I’m there for the exam is my standard one.

  11. haha, Let’s Go Brandon

  12. That is the best media coverup story ever, thanks NASCAR!

  13. Determination enables real progress.

  14. twitter: Don Lemon was not ready for this

    Yes, Don, you’re right, you need reparations. Who sold the slaves, get it from Africa!

  15. twitter: H2 dogs join in the fun

  16. Jay, those last two were great.

    Jay and Jimbro, the look on Don’s face!

  17. College class that I somehow am enrolled in but haven’t attended any classes yet somehow I’m there for the exam is my standard one.

    I get that one too.

    I wonder why it is so common.

  18. LOL The look on Lemon’s face.

  19. I tend to get the one where I’m moving in on first day but somehow three weeks have past and I’ve missed classes and I have no reason why I’m back in college when I graduated thirty years ago. Naturally I can’t find where I need to go for the classes that I seem to miss a session of every five minutes.

  20. Haha, everyone at Crowder is wearing huge titties like the shop teacher.

  21. twitter: Now they can fly, too!

  22. Did you get good grades?


    Tough teacher?

    She wasn’t very smart. But she was a good coach though.


  23. Fast feet, fast feet.

  24. Love her singing voice

  25. I get those college dreams too. And worse – sometimes people find out that I never actually passed Algebra I (this is not true; it’s just in the dream) and I have to, as an adult, go back to middle school and take it again or else I’ll lose my job and all my diplomas. Sometimes I even have to take classes with my kids.

    That wasn’t it last night though. I actually can’t remember now what was happening in last night’s dream, which I’m grateful for.

  26. That sounds like a bad movie plot, one with Rodney Dangerfield or Adam Sandler.

  27. she reminds me of a mix of Dolores O’Riordan and Tracy Chapman.

  28. I never passed statistics. I never took it, either, but I know I never passed it. Had to learn it on my own to do data sciency stuff for work.

  29. My statistics prof in college was great. Ernie Bravaco. He would walk back and forth across the front of the classroom with a piece of chalk in one hand and the cord for the curtains in the other. When he got to the limit of the cord he would reverse direction. One year of that

  30. Physics professor, also great. Mike Horne. Would arrive to class with a bagel loaded with cream cheese and a paper cup of coffee. He would eat and sip coffee throughout his lecture and generally signal the end of the day’s lecture by putting the last bite in his mouth.

  31. My statistics prof had a heavy Middle Eastern accent and pronounced hypothesis “HIGH-poe-teh-sis”. Which was fine until she said it like 10 times a minute for 50 minutes 3 days a week, whereupon *I* started saying it that way. XD

  32. Calculus was my downfall. Wound up substituting matrix algebra for it in my major plan. Not that any of it ever did me much good in the end anyway.

  33. Desantis is sending illegals to Delaware near Brandon’s weekend place (20 miles away). Get ready for the libs saying he’s endangering the CIC!

  34. Same here Tim. Freshman year of college, three days a week at 3:00. It was a struggle the whole year. I even had a tutor, Jean Sestito. She tried to explain things but it was simply not taking root in my brain.

  35. I loved calculus. But it wasn’t as easy as diffEQ, which was a breeze. Never studied and got 96 or 100 on every exam. Unfortunately, I was completely unable to explain diffEQ to anyone else, which suggests I didn’t actually understand it. (Me: So you do this. Tutee: How do you know to do that? Me: Well, you look at the equation and see that it’s the kind of equation that gets solved this way. Tutee: But how do you know? Me: You just look at it.)

    I’ve had an idea for a delicious cake. The cake would be a dark chocolate fudgy cake with a raspberry syrup swirl all through it. The frosting would be dark chocolate, ideally the kind that hardens, garnished with whole fresh raspberries.

    Now I just need an excuse to make said cake and people who will eat it (there aren’t any in my house besides me).

  36. Fly to Virginia and make that cake. I dare you.

  37. Lemon getting schooled was a beautiful thing to see.

  38. I didn’t do any of the maths because city public schools and “teachers” who didn’t teach it. So very little, if any, maths from 3rd grade to 12th. So in college I started with remedial math. Twenty something credit hours later, I was finally where I should have been when I started college.

    FF to my kids…good schools, lots of math. Daughter had enough with college credits in high school that she didn’t need any once in college. Son loved and aced every math course he minored in.

  39. He’s gonna win by 20 points now.

  40. So our summer has been long cool spring to Africa heat…then a few weeks of beautiful mid 80s, low humidity…the peppers loved it and started producing more fruit. Now we are back to Africa heat and early Thurs morning, fall arrives with high Temps in the 60s. There will still be too many unripened sweet peppers left on the plant. *sigh*

  41. We’ve had two days of rain which we needed desperately

  42. Cake pr0n

  43. Similar to what I had in mind, but I was thinking more of a “marbling” effect with the raspberry “syrup” (basically heat up some raspberries, water, sugar, and cornstarch, I think) swirled through the chocolate cake batter. I think it would look cool.

  44. When I scanned through the recipe it looked like a buy cake more than a make cake

  45. Mmmmm…cake.

    Anyway, I’ve considered getting a couple “Calc for Dummies” books and trying to take another swing at it. Maybe some maturity helps me out, maybe I just had crappy profs in college for that course. No practical reason to want to, just…I don’t know, feels like unfinished business somehow.

  46. Thomas’s Calculus text is highly recommended if you can find it. I see the 12th edition is a free pdf download. We used it (not sure what edition) undergrad at MIT in the mid 70’s. I always thought it was a pretty good text.

  47. I haven’t had the late/missed class nightmare for years. I get the dream that I’m pregnant (doesn’t matter that parts are missing) or that an older person I know is.

  48. You can even take their courses for free. MIT OpenCourseWare … has a list of their calculus courses.

  49. calculus? for fun?


  50. DHS report says Venezuela is emptying their prisons and sending violent criminals to our border.
    So, same as it ever was since the west signaled open borders.

  51. Don’t study thermodynamics, though

  52. All the calculus I’ve ever known I taught myself.

    FOR. FUN.

  53. but you’re a weirdo

  54. I mean, duh.

  55. We used it (not sure what edition) undergrad at MIT in the mid 70’s

    Still used it there in the late 70’s. 4th edition at that time (still have it).

  56. twitter: make sure to check out your doctors and medical help

    That’s just evil.

  57. Looking up Thomas’ Calculus…yikes. Dummies version is much cheaper. I’m on a budget here…

  58. In my edition, at least, there’s an entry in the index saying “Whales.” Turning to page 188 you find that the figures describing how to calculate the area between two curves look a bit like whales. Thomas put a little joke in the most popular calculus textbook of the time.

    May not seem very funny to people with a sense of humor, but coming from an MIT prof, it’s as funny as it gets.

  59. I have the persistent dream that I’m back at the Air Force Academy. Doing it again for reasons unknown (we don’t have post-Grad programs).

    It’s so common that we call it PUDS (post USAFA dream syndrome).

    Also, does it mean something when you can’t do simple math in dreams? That gets me so frustrated that it wakes me up.

    Luckily I have no PTSD stuff to deal with, probably means I either processed it well or am a total psychopath.

  60. Yeah, Thomas’ textbook was cheaper in 1974. I think it cost me about $18 brand new. I’ve also still got mine, but it’s packed away in a moving box somewhere. Someday I’ll have enough bookshelves … sigh.

  61. My opinion is that these dreams ARE ptsd.

  62. I don’t get the school dreams anymore, not for a long time, but I do have work dreams where I’m unprepared for a meeting or a project as a nightmare. I’ve woken up from them and done damage control in my head…if I get to work 3 hours early I can do this and do that and maybe it won’t be so bad, until I wake up enough to remember it was just a dream and there was no such problem because I’m so awesome at my job.

  63. If you’re worried about thermo, I encourage you strongly to steer clear of set theory and group theory.

    I pray that Cantor found peace before the end.

  64. My rare nightmares are usually about threats to my children that I can’t do anything about. Some night-flying ones off the carrier. And a few about the Boogaloo kicking off, but those usually end up with me using the backhoe, so I can’t really call those nightmares. Nothing school related anymore either.

  65. My son discovered set theory and group theory several years ago, got really excited, downloaded a bunch of pdfs from Harvard’s math department, and asked me to help him with through them. I took a glance and realized how badly unqualified I was, offered him the best of luck. It sounds like he got the ideas down pretty well, but every time he tried explaining them to me I couldn’t tell what he was talking about.

  66. He was maybe fifteen years old or so at the time. Sharp kid.

  67. My favorite thing about group theory is that men just worked on it in the total abstract for more than a century with literally nothing tangible to show for it. I say “men” because women had more sense, generally, and none were foolish or absorbed enough to get their names into the mix.

    Now all modern banking and network security is riding on the strength of that work. At least the guys who laid the foundation for the great castles and cathedrals got to see the ground they’d prepped and maybe watch their sons grow into the generation that would see the capstones set.
    The group theorists never knew if they were just wasting their lives.

  68. My third aerobic capacity class was awesome.

  69. Not that any of YOU people can bother to show up.

  70. I initially read “Group theory” as “Group therapy.” 🤪

  71. Well, since I missed the first two I was afraid I would be lost this week.

  72. I would have brought you up to speed. LEAVE NO MAN BEHIND.

  73. So, crossfit drama.

    A chick “joined” the coaching staff two years ago, but she had zero crossfit or even lifting experience. It was a super bad fit. We told the owner. We tried to get along with this woman, but she’s toxic (only women will understand). ANYWAY. FF two years, she still on staff, NO ONE attends her class. Zero. So the owner approached me for aerobic capacity class – it’s more running oriented … because (let’s be honest) that’s the best way to increase lactic threshold, etc. But he didn’t apparently fire the sucky coach.

    So … today. My class is at 4. SHE IS THERE. Working out. It used to be the time for her class. Which no one showed up for. But I’ve got a nice size class.


    He took her class away, but then she said she’s moved it to friday at 4. NO ONE shows up then either. It’s crazy. He just can’t straight up fire her. She clocked for coaching her class in at 4 as if she’s actually coaching. but no one is there. She works out and goes home. It’s weird.

  74. Oh for fs…watching the 5. Apparently there’s an annual national voter registration awareness day, and it’s today. It’s supposed to help those that don’t know how to register get registered.
    F’en ay…if you aren’t smart enough to know how to get registered, you aren’t smart enough to vote. Case closed!

  75. Anxiety dream I use to have:

    I get assigned my homeroom. I walk down the hall and open the door, it’s the gymnasium full of kids being rowdy.

  76. 4 stages of math class

  77. What do you do in an aerobic capacity class, Carin?

  78. Right now it’s pretty focused on running. Crossfit covers other bases, so unless it’s raining – we’re running. Today we did 6 rounds:

    1000 m moderate run
    400 fast
    700 moderate
    300 fast
    600 moderat
    200 fast.

    2 minutes rest between each . Fast was your balls to the wall mile pace. Moderate was about a minute under that pace. Lactate threshold workout. I got called names.

    I include a good warm up (crossfitters suck at warm ups) and some accessory work that helps ankle/foot/knee strength and flexibility.

  79. In the winter we’ll do indoors stuff. But for now we’re going to enjoy the fall. Crossfit does all indoors stuff, so it’s fine to exclude all that for this.

  80. They were really crying over it though. Doesn’t look that bad.

    (lol, it was – I did it on Monday)


    It has links to photos – I didn’t want to look, the words were gruesome enough

  82. Is malignant CF coach earning any money for this job?

  83. 6 rounds? Well done. It looks hard. I ran track. Sprinter. The 400 fast makes me want to throw up just thinking about it.

    There was a girl on the team who would actually throw up after every 400m run.

  84. When you say lactic acid threshold, I have to assume the idea is to have a lactic acid response? The next day. Hard?

    I think I just recently heard a podcast talking about lactic acid and how good it can be for immune response.

    Wonder if that has to do with exercise being good for your immune response in general.

    I don’t know WTF I’m saying.

  85. DNH first thing I saw on FB was an are you registered, how to register link.

  86. I did the workout yesterday, and I could feel it today.

    400 is a hard distance. My once friend did her timed 400 last week and said she never wanted to do that again – lol.

    So, the workout is aimed at getting folks used to running that FAST pace and recovering. This was 2 miles – so the hope is to improve the mile pace at over a 1 mile distance.

  87. I’ve done about 100 flights of stairs since Friday.
    Carrying stuff.

    I am probably quicker now.


  89. Did you take 2 minute rests? Those are key.

  90. Otto gives us kisses like that.

  91. Rolling brown outs in the Q. Our quadrant is tomorrow. I H8 these Commie Cunts running our state. I’m suspended from Twitter and in and out of FB jail for my comments about the pro abortion POS grifting criminal running for re-election.

  92. Carin, I will try that next time and report back.

  93. Dan had beers with his bud. Bud was working on a home in North East heights. No electricity. He tells Dan. Dan finds out we will have no power in NW quadrant tomorrow. We’re going to the SW quadrant tomorrow. Underreported BS in a Blue City.

  94. My night terrors, sleep walking, and sleep talking just keep Dan on his toes. I don’t understand suppressed memories, but I know I’ve been freaking people out for almost 60 years.

  95. Funniest thing ever, is when the front desk calls about screaming and Dan has to explain I’m a nut job. True story. Hotel in Denver. Japanese woman is warning me to get out of the room she was murdered in. Sitting on the edge of my bed. Her killer enters our room. I’m screaming “Get out. You’re killing me. Get out!” Apparently, this dream had volume. Dan had some explaining to do. It seems to happen on vacations. At home, it happens when we’re sleeping with the windows open. 🤪👋🏻

  96. My night terrors don’t always have volume.

  97. corned beef getting corned, mmmm


  99. When visiting my parents in this small town, my sister literally screamed with laughter, to the point one of the neighbors checked to make sure we were all right.

  100. Heard some new stories from the old man today, my favorite being the one where he set up a drink stand near where my grandfather was working and made $300 that summer. That’s equivalent to about $3,500 today. He was 10 or 11 years old.

  101. Don’t ever rip pages.

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