Crytidz – a Message from the Good Doctor

Because I post stupid shit that doesn’t even make sense to me most of the time, one of our brothers here at hostageland sent me a link for this little beastie:

That my dear hostagettes and hostagae is the Mongolian fucking Death Worm!!!

Cryptids: Any creature that may or may not exist. Sightings of various cryptids have been reported, but their reality has not been proved.

I’ve known of this shit for quite a while :

Cryptosporidium parvum: Waterborn zoonotic parasite

But this stuff is really kind of fun unlike say… cryptosporidiosis of the taint:

Supernatural Creatures, Beasts and Beings 3 | Myths ...

There’s gazillions of these things around the world.

My personal favorite is the yeti. At some point I’ll go on a drunken adventure and find that bastard and have a little sit-down with ’em over a bottle of whiskey.

Here’s a link to keep you occupied for however long your pot brownies last.

No story like this would be complete without bringing in Nessie:

Loch Ness monster | History, Sightings, & Facts ...

Check this marvel out –

Gray Whale penis in Mag Bay 2-86 | George Lamson | Flickr

your mom of course instantly recognizes this one as a whale dong… Nessie vs Whaledong.

Mothra would probably kick both their asses caulks.

Luckily enough for us, MJ and one of his paramours went to great lengths to do a documentary on one of North Americas favorite backwoods legends:

A special thanks to J’Brony for the lead.



  1. I have it on good authority that a Mongolian Death Worm appears after the 14th square box in Gravity’s Rainbow. Surprisingly there is a cryptic reference to the MDW in one of Stephen Dedalus’ lines in Ulysses.

  2. wakey wakey

    Second book, Hotspur, was Don Q

  3. Going onsite to work today and not looking forward to it. Vaxed after natural immunity co-worker got covid a second time, triple vaxed co-worker is threatening to quit. I’m going to try to smooth things over. It’s also the anniversary of the Apollo 1 fire.

  4. Blocking a SCOTUS pick ain’t gonna happen, sorry.

  5. Son’s vax’d after covid girlfriend (with boosters) got covid again last week.

  6. Sobek’s a ray of sunshine today.

  7. I’m not pre-Messican or anything, but shouldn’t chupacabra be la?

    La cabra = the goat, that’s the root word, and “chupa” doesn’t start with an “a” (like “el arma”).

    Also jackalopes are real, it’s not antlers but a horny growth caused by a virus similar to HPV.

    Also no Dogman of Michigan, so I feel under-represented.

  8. Speaking of horny for Mexicans

  9. roamy, is coworker threatening to quit because of unvacc’d coworkers, or just because?

  10. WTF Facedouche? What in the ever loving hell ever made it into your “algorithms” that thought an AOC campaign fund push email would be first on my list to see in my feed? Is it all the liberal claptrap I post (there is none)? Is it all the communist propaganda I forward (there is none)? And do you expect me to believe that AOC makes all her money from $5 and $10 from grandmas? Give me a break, and you aren’t fooling anyone you arm of the democrat party.

  11. This is the ad, stupid zuckerdork

  12. Doubtful we will see a nominee blocked but I think the article was just laying out the mechanism if it were to happen. Probably written to give the normies some false hope. “Boob bait for Bubba”

    Given that the nominee will be a female black judge and with the midterms approaching every spineless GOP member of the committee will be in fear of being called a racist which is what they’re counting on.

    As we’ve seen in the past, they’re going to call you a racist anyway so do what is best for your constituents.

    I realize that’s horribly naive to imagine a congress critter voting for the people rather than being influenced by lobbyists, campaign mega-donors and sleazy backroom deals but it could happen

  13. Co-worker is threatening to quit because covid is going around. He lost his aunt to it (don’t know how old she was, but he’s older than me, so I figure at least 80’s) and is being irrational. I’m going to appeal using statistics because I think he believes the death rate from covid is like 40% or something ridiculous like that.

  14. Roamy, he’s right. There are dead bodies everywhere. Piled up on the streets.

  15. What happens if Breyer changes his mind and just phones it in for a while? Or doesn’t show up at all, but also doesn’t retire?

    Serious question. Can he just stop working and keep drawing a paycheck? RBG did it for months.

  16. He is deathly afraid of covid. I couldn’t live like that, especially not for 2 years.

  17. That’s not living.

  18. Cover of “Fade Into You” by a beautiful woman (sadly with blue hair) and her talented band mates

  19. they aren’t piled up on the streets, car in, that’s just silly. They are in the mass graves.

    I actually heard that term yesterday, re: Covid

  20. How would you feel if you were Breyer? You throw aside everything you learn about law to be a political activist, and the side you support throws you aside like a dirty sock because they want someone new? Plus, you’re white, and male, and all that dirty stuff?

  21. meanwhile, the Mercy and the Javits Center are still full of covid, right? No need to worry about these nursing homes, with all these people with actual comorbidities

  22. That article did suggest it was leaked out early that he was retiring. He had previously said he’d retire when he was ready whatever that means. It remains to be seen whether he’s peeved enough about the hamhandedness of this all to dig his heels in and say eff you. Given the stakes he will likely acquiesce to the mob.

  23. there was an interesting article about MSU. they’ve been packing the basketball arena to the brims but the classes are online.

    “Michigan State University is holding all classes online until Jan. 31 to prevent the spread of COVID-19.

    But Fox News noted that basketball games during January all featured the same 100 percent attendance: 14,797 fans.

    Blake Maday, a Michigan State student, said, “The fact that students can fill the [the arena] packed shoulder to shoulder for hours before the game, for the entirety of the game and be together for, you know, probably three hours at night with no social distancing, not even including all the outsiders being brought in to campus for the game, it’s wildly hypocritical.”

  24. wonder if all the MSU geniuses have put all that together. No, because the ISU geniuses are the same.

  25. “Sobek’s a ray of sunshine today.”

    I don’t mean that to sound super pessimistic, just realist. When Scalia died, and rumors first started that maybe McConnell would deny Garland a vote, that was unusual enough if a situation that there was room for hope or pessimism. It really was close enough to an election to maybe pull it off. When RBG died, again it was close enough to an election that there was a serious question about whether the Dems could run out the clock.

    Here, Breyer is giving way more than enough notice, and we’re three years away from a new presidential election and almost a full year from Congressional elections. Sure, the GOPe expects a bloodbath in their favor, but that’s just too long to leave an empty SCOTUS seat.

    Most importantly, it’s Breyer. Sure, I’d love for him to be replaced by someone who cares about the text of the Constitution, but if he isn’t, it doesn’t do anything about the balance of power, like Scalia or Ginsburg would have.

    Here’s the ray of sunshine (not sarcastic): I haven’t spent much time following SCOTUS decisions for a long time – several years. A couple days ago I was browsing through them and saw over and over again these 6-3 decisions. It’s the bigger cases with closer splits that make the news, but the majority of what they’re doing has to be seriously demoralizing for the three libs.

  26. It’s all a giant scam.

    Your kids teacher is afraid to teach but spends all weekend at football games, getting drunk at concerts, sucking whale dong, going out with her friends for brunch packed nuts to butts, weddings, etc.

    You can replace teacher with just about any occupation.

  27. “It remains to be seen whether he’s peeved enough about the hamhandedness of this all to dig his heels in and say eff you. Given the stakes he will likely acquiesce to the mob”

    My prediction: no, he’s not that peeved. He understands the reality of how court picks work and is playing the game accordingly. He won’t dig his heels in because he remembers what happened with Ginsburg and doesn’t want that to happen again. He isn’t acquiescing to the mob, he’s protecting his legacy.

  28. If they were smart they’d fill the seat immediately. No drama. Just put whatever black, morbidly obese woman they can muster on the bench.

    Liberals never defect, ever. It’s the reality. It doesn’t matter if it’s a white guy, a fat latina, a gay paraplegic, or the ghost of RBGs shriveled muff. It’s always the same.

  29. Best possible case scenario, based on actual precedent: the GOP sacks up enough to vote no on Biden’s first pick because she’s (yes, it will be a woman) too radical. He nominates someone who looks slightly better on paper (but is still a crypto-Commie). The Republicans Bork her enough to vote her down. Biden picks a consensus moderate, a la Anthony Kennedy, who gets confirmed. That consensus moderate then immediately goes hard-core Stalinist because of course she does.

  30. Exactly. Its all theater.

    The left figured out millions of years ago that the court is totally political.

    The right will catch up in a few million years.

  31. they can’t fill the seat immediately, because he’s not leaving immediately. Or, at least that wasn’t his plan. I’m betting this was our master’s way of getting him to speed up his departure. Put pressure on him.

  32. what is really infuriating is that these kids are paying full price for this education which they could have gotten at an actual online university. that was geared and prepared for this type of learning.

  33. The Red State article, which supposes a nominee gets blocked in committee and then requires a cloture vote (with at least 10 Republican defectors), is pure fantasy. Republicans already set the precedent of nuking the filibuster for SCOTUS picks. That’s not exactly what Red State is talking about, but the difference is but going to bed enough to stop Schumer and those who think Garland’s seat was stolen from him.

  34. “Neuroscience senior and ASMSU Vice President for Student Allocations Harsna Chahal is helping Woehlke draft the bill. She said she knows many students that would be happy to see this addition.

    “We’re not just striving for a safe place for women to work out, but for anyone in the LGBTQ+ community,” Chahal said.

    Chahal said she wants to make sure that the space has the same equipment as the other gyms and is well-maintained and kept clean. She will also be pushing for more extensive research on the topic in order to show the university what students want. ”

    You know where I wouldn’t feel safe working out? in one designed for the LGBTQ+ and nonbianary community. Freaks.

    You know what you call women who are too intimidated to go the gym because of the men? Fat.

    (sorry, but this is just stupid beyond stupid)

    They also want “less mirrors” and more inspirational quotes.

  35. No way a SCOTUS pick is blocked, and I don’t see why we would even try.

  36. everything has to be segregated now. It’s ridiculous.

  37. Separate but equal sounds like a good policy though.

  38. Twitter: Meanwhile, on the Left

  39. Honestly – I sincerely believe that when women say they are too intimidated to go to they gym, its really nothing but another excuse. One that gets them sympathy.

  40. I thought this guy was joking but apparently he’s serious:Kevin G. Robinson
    Replying to
    @owillis See What Happens America When You Have Adults In Charge Who Actually Want You and The Countey To Succeed!

    The gif made me tingle in my pantaloons a little bit.

  41. You think Olliver willis would give Biden a blowie?

  42. MJ at work:

    MJ: Hey looks like our new mentoring program is only open to ethnic minorities and non-binary people. Is that right?

    HR: Yes

    MJ: So I should tell my white employees, and white gay employees not to bother?

    HR: Yes

    MJ: So we’re excluding people based on their immutable characteristics in the name of diversity?

    HR: Yes

    MJ: Ok great. I’ll let them know.

  43. I’m sure the “ethnic minority” thing is also pretty specific about what minority they are.

    /Asians need not apply

  44. “I’m betting this was our master’s way of getting him to speed up his departure. Put pressure on him.”

    That makes a lot of sense. If Breyer waited until closer to November it would only strengthen McConnell’s hand. Again, everyone but Sponge rain seems to recognize that the Dems are going to get slaughtered in November. That includes Breyer, of course.

  45. What did Kevin Ward know about the Clintons/Bidens?

  46. /Asians need not apply
    Yep, that’s what I thought too.

  47. Stupid is as stupid does:

    Visiting us on March 12 to see Billie Eilish? Please be advised that all attendees must be fully vaccinated against COVID-19 OR receive a negative diagnostic COVID-19 test within 48-hours prior to entering the venue. Masks will be required.

    I was looking up info for where tool is playing. As of today, Tool doesn’t require that.

    Chevelle is playing in Saginaw and they require vax cards or negative test. There are a LOT of tickets still available. Its the venue’s choice, not the band.


    Far as I can tell DQ was the first. There is mention of Uncle Tom’s Cabin as the second, but by all appearances everyone abandoned ship.

  49. what is that hs?

  50. I could swear Confederacy of Dunces was also read. there is zero reason I would have read it otherwise.

  51. I got one test last year.

    I just change the dates in pdf whenever I need another negative. No one wears masks at concerts. Hard to mask while boozing.

  52. That was the blog Peej created for the book club twelve fucking years ago.

  53. Jan 2011 is when I ordered it – confederacy of dunces

  54. My mother is driving me nuts

  55. hahahaha, I’m not a member, so I got something different

  56. Gather round. Its story time.

    So, my mom needed me to help her return her leased car. which she hasn’t driven in 2 years. Ok, whatever. I make arrangements, drive the car to the place – and they inform me that if we jump through a few hoops, they will give us an additional $1000 for the returned car. Apparently they can’t just sell a returned car right away. but a few paper things, and it can be done, my mom gets extra $$.

    Well, we find out that the resale price of her car is waaaaaaaay more than her buyout. So, we cancel that and we front her the money to buy the car, so she can resell it.

    My MOM HAS BEEN ON MY ASS EVERY SINCE. She wants to cancel the insurance. its costing her money. I thought this would be quick and easy. Bla bla bla. we had to wait for paperwork and etc.

    the buyout price for the car was $11,000 or something. Carvana offered us $22,000. Which is what they call “a good deal”. But you’d think my mom was doing ME a favor with all the bs she’s putting me through. To help her out.

    At one point I had to yell at her about the car insurance money (which she’s been paying for 3 years, on a car she didn’t drive), but suddenly its TOO MUCH, I can’t afford it. @@. “TAKE IT OUT OF THE MONEY YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE MOM”.

    And I saw her bank account, and she can afford it.

    Sigh. whatever. I can’t wait until this process is done.

    No good deed goes unpunished.

  57. total milage on the car?

    three years old.


    No, there isn’t a missing digit in there.

    that’s it.

  58. My great grandma passed in ’93. Her ’91 Mustang had 1800 miles on it and I inherited, but the insurance was VERY high for me as the primary driver, so we went to trade it in on a Tercel.

    Sales guy said no one would believe him. It literally was owned by a little old lady who barely drove it for two years. Asked me to drive it to Florida and back a couple of times. My parents — who were never fun — nixed that idea.

  59. My mother isn’t 91.

  60. Or whatever age your great grandma was. Sorry, read to fast.

    But mom is of an age where people do actually drive a lot still. It’s ridiculous.

  61. Great grandma was 81, born 1910. Had been a widow for 16 years by then, and a Lucky Strike smoker for 55.

    Skin cancer. From golfing.

  62. We were in Vegas for 5 days and in Tucson for 4. I was asked to put on a mask a couple of times when we were entering the SHOT show. Once in the show, nobody said anything. By the third day of SHOT, mask rate was under 50%. In Tucson, I never wore a mask, even at Sam’s and Costco. Mask rate was about 80% where we went.

    Still no symptoms, so we’re either lucky, or have already had it without knowing it. Since this covid stuff started, we’ve been to SHOT twice (big international firearms industry show) 5 knife shows, and did a 2 week road trip.

  63. Folks are getting paranoid about glowies at the mothership. Can’t blame them, these days. I guess they’re finally paying attention.

  64. glowies?

  65. FED’s trying to infiltrate right leaning groups. They blend in so badly they “glow”

  66. Everyone at work is getting covid. The good news all of it has been mild. Also now I don’t have to hear about how great are stupid protocols are at prevent spread. They now force kn95 mask, no cloth ones, and they suck to wear all day.

  67. We definitely did Confederacy of Dunces in the IB book club.

  68. we should get a glowie here. Maybe we have one?

  69. I think mare is a glowie. or PJM

  70. I could have been, but Biden ran me out of the agency.

  71. Anyone want to go commit a federal felony with me? I ain’t afraid of prison.

  72. Yes. Let’s go and totally stick it to the man. I’ll bring my confederate flag.

  73. I’m going to possess a short lobster, in violation of 16 USC 3372. Who’s with me?

  74. Looking at you in particular, Leon.

  75. ….and The Ghost of RBG’s Shriveled Muff becomes a Category.

  76. Do have a uniform for our escapades? Because that would look badass.

  77. I don’t like lobster, but I’ll carry the bucket if you need.


  78. Count me in for a uniform.


  80. Either navy, taupe, or pink..

  81. I don’t want a uniform. We should get cultist robes. More comfy.

  82. Speaking of shirts, Car in, I ordered one from that guinea pig rescue in Holt. Too bad noone has been caught for dumping those babies.

  83. Uniform = stained wifebeater, cargo shorts, crocs, cigarette behind the ear.

  84. So two cops were shot yesterday, in St. Louis. My sister knows someone who is friends with the family of the one who was in critical condition…
    This is from a police with who is with Leadbetters parents:

    “Ok Colin came in completely dead. He was shot in the aorta and the femoral. He had zero blood in his body. Doc said they quickly worked to patch him up but had to crack his chest on the table and massage his heart. That didn’t work so they directly shocked his heart multiple times with an open chest. They did like a bypass graft for the femoral. The good news is they got him back and established blood flow and he’s maintaining an acceptable pressure BUT he said he’s in a coma and due to the length of time with zero blood they think he may be brain dead or have very severe brain damage .”

  85. Then just now

    Looks le we have a small miracle going on at Barnes with PO Leadbetter?

    Update: As of now he is starting to breathe on his own and regulate his own blood pressure. They are going to close up his chest( good news). They tested and there is brain activity. He woke up and opened his eyes, has movement in hands and feet!!!!

  86. She texted me that a couple of hours ago.

  87. So any good vibes and prayers to him and his family would be appreciated. The other cop was shot in the leg and will be okay.
    Both in their 20s.

    They were attempting to arrest a man wanted for murder. 3 perps…shooter was killed.

  88. that’s amazing. No blood left, and brought him back. Just amazing.

  89. Now he can stand trial for murdering the shooter.

  90. HA! Knowing how st louis likes to give million dollar settlements to criminals, you are probably right, hotspur.

  91. I’m in on the uniform.
    I agree with Mitch – it’s got to be comfortable.
    Beasn and Pendeejoe have good points too.
    The amalgam is shaping up to be a stained pink silk robe design made with some cargo pockets and matching crocs.

  92. Jam, I think we have it:

  93. We will need a unit patch / logo of some kind.
    And motto of course.
    One legged midget smoking a cig in a wheelchair on a field of shriveled RBG muff.

  94. And whatever the Latin is for “”BEGOME UNGOBERNABLE””

  95. Ben Rothlisburger is retiring. He’ll have more time to explain things in Ace’s comments.

  96. *continues furiously scribbling notes*

  97. We’re gonna need a cool hair style too….
    Island Boys esque.

  98. *note to self – if cool hairstyle becomes de rigueur – look into wig or minoxidil. *

  99. Hairstyle?? WTF? I thought we were all skinheads!

  100. “Facti Effrenati ”

    (The fact that it even sounds like telling someone to fuck off makes it perfect!)

  101. America Uncunted

  102. If you go to IB and enter the book title into the search tool, the three book threads on that POS come right up.

  103. Facti Effrenati – that’s “become unbridled” in the latin to english translater I just tried BroTim. “facti sunt immoderata”

  104. Hairstyle?? WTF? I thought we were all skinheads!

    God didn’t leave me a lot of options. Thank God for Bruce Willis making it okay for white guys to do this and not automatically be considered Nazis.

    I’m not saying I’m not one, I just like that it’s not an automatic assumption anymore.

  105. Honestly the “become unbridled” one becomes even better when you consider what they’re trying to do to us.

  106. We’re gonna hear hoods and facemasks so I don’t think we need a hairstyle

  107. Jam, I think we have it:

    I’m in.

  108. More facemasks??? Sigh. Ok, I’ll get started on these for everyone:

  109. No crocs. I doubt you can run very far wearing those. Same with cult robes…in a nice rose pink for the wimmens…unless those are just for special sacrificial rituals. *snort*

  110. Or perhaps this one:
    Let me know your preference.

  111. Those might be NSFW.

  112. Oh…bathrobes?
    Even better! I thought you meant the ones with hoods.

  113. How about a no, Mitchell. Don’t need fruitcakes trying to hump my face.

  114. You can get bathrobes with hoods. I already have one, in fact.
    beasn, fruitcakes humping your face is a feature, not a bug. But I’ll make one of these just for you:

  115. When I was a kid I loved stories about Bigfoot / Sasquatch and stuff like that. I was convinced that we’d have definitive proof of their existence by now. Nessie too. I WANTED TO BELIEVE. But no. This future sucks.

    We had Leonard Freaking Nemoy talking about them on In Search Of for crying out loud.

  117. We do have aliens hanging around, so we have that going for us, which is nice. I guess. Bastards won’t talk to us though.

  118. Sobek – do you ever watch this guy’s song reactions?

    Here’s he’s doing my favorite new band:

  119. I don’t know her views on Bigfoot, but my mom is a believer in Nessie. She was really disappointed when she went to Loch Ness and didn’t see it.

  120. I prefer the alien mask.

  121. Jam, does anyone in NY, besides you, know your state is being taken over?

  122. I don’t know why these critters are so dang shy. It’s not like we instinctively attack things we don’t understand. Well, ok we actually do do that. But they can’t know that we do.

  123. “Why aren’t Republican lawmakers forcing Biden to address this?”

    Because the GOP doesn’t want to, obviously.

  124. that’s an old tape, too

  125. *Pokes blog with…puts stick away…pointy cushion*


    (Imgur video with sound)


    (Imgur video with sound)

  128. Got arrested for what?

    (Imgur video with sound)

  129. I identify as a fat mermaid.

  130. I always wanted to fuck a fat mermaid…….so hook me up witcho numbah and let’s make something happen.

  131. So, Caesar’s is turning Bally’s into a western-themed Horseshoe.


    (Imgur video with sound)

  133. Pendejo, I may be a fat mermaid but i’m not a slut! You’ll have to woo me first!

  134. (not true, he’s an exceptionally slutty fat mermaid)

  135. Pendejo..LOL, that fatty got a weiner. You okay wit dat?

  136. *GASP!!*

    How could you say such a thing??!!

    *Runs away crying*
    *Forgets about wearing a mermaid tail*
    *Faceplants on the floor*
    *Cries harder, flops away*

  137. HAHAHA

  138. Text from sister..

    ” (my husband) just said the policeman just sat up again and looked at his parents. They called his name and he answered twice.
    They said the drs are in awe.”

    My BIL was a city cop. He retired a couple of years ago. Still lots of friends/contacts within the force.

  139. **buys mitchell a liter of crown royal**

    Hurry the fuck up, wouldja? I got other species to sample.

  140. They had to sedate him again because he got agitated with all the machines and tunes.
    That may be a good move as his body is all wtf from the trauma.

  141. Wow, that’s amazing beasn! Prayers for a full and speedy recovery.

  142. *Turns nose up at crown royal*
    I DRINK SCOTCH! A proper single malt, not the cheap stuff. AND I want dinner at a nice restaurant where I will order the most expensive item on the menu stuffed with the second most expensive item.

  143. drinks alone

  144. Fine with me. Plenty of other fish in this sea.

    *Looks in mirror*
    You’re a strong, confident fat mermaid!
    *tear trickles from eye*

  145. “AND I want dinner at a nice restaurant where I will order the most expensive item on the menu stuffed with the second most expensive item.”

    Excellent choice, sir. Lobster stuffed with tacos.

  146. That’s amazing, Beasn, I hope you keep us updated.

  147. I just finished writing a music post, but I don’t know if I’ll be around to publish. Pupster, you have the conn.

  148. Tomorrow I will try to fly out of the country through Boston, which will be in the center of a bomb cyclone. Pray for Oso.

  149. Speaking of poats and Pupster, I have memes if you want me to do the Saturday poat.

  150. Thermadin, we haven’t gone to the N95 masks yet, but I’m supposed to test before going onsite, and the free ones that Biden is mailing out don’t count. We have to have “medically proctored” tests.

    You heard that right, folks, the covid tests that the executive branch of our gov’t is sending out across the nation are insufficient for the employees of said branch.

  151. Also, there is an honorary Hostage at work. For the next townhall, he (I assume a he because he’s got balls) posted a comment about the Employee Resource Groups (for women, people of color, and LBGTQRSTUVW people) and the Diversity, Inclusion, and whatever initiative and asked what he needed to do to be identified as a disabled native American genderqueer. I want to shake his hand.

  152. We’re going to see our new grandbaby tomorrow (Friday)!!!!!!!

  153. The N95 masks and Covid-19 tests are sourced from Chyna. The ultimate insult. They win, we lose…

  154. Dennis exploited Randy’s phobias.

  155. /checks clock, squinting hard

    Uh…I think the nightly derp got stuck in a time warp of some kind…

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