When you are 24 and break into a 73 yr old’s house and threaten him and his wife with a knife and didn’t know he was a boxer, a marine, and hand to hand combat instructor.
want a beer, oso?
Or just pay her for the pizza, to get her off your porch.


  1. Sassafrass

  2. ‘Sup pissflaps and cheesebags?

  3. Very punny today Jay

    I approve

  4. Our Vet tested Lola for a tick borne disease at her annual visit and she was positive for the one carried by the Lone Star tick. I vaguely knew the disease and a search confirmed it was ehrlichiosis. That’s the one where you can get a meat allergy.


    Doggie doxycycline for 21 days, twice a day. That’s a lot of cheese to hide the pill in right there.

  5. I liked this post because the arrogant bitch working at Starbucks made me smile in a Dr Evil way.

    Well done, Jay!!!

  6. Unlike Jimbro I do not approve of pun heavy posts. They make my ass look fat.

  7. When Paula was telling me this she referred to the meat allergy as “the meat sweats”. I think she and her ER nurse colleagues like to take different diagnoses they see and refer to them as something else. For example, browntail caterpillar associated rash has been increasing in recent years and a lot of people have been coming in to the ER with allergic reactions.


    What does she call it? The Moth Rash.

    Simple, to the point and a little bit humorous

  8. To be clear, all my “time under tension” (not a euphemism) is working.

  9. Last time I mowed the lawn I didn’t shower until the evening and my arms were itching for days presumably from the caterpillar hairs. And we’re above the red zone in the caterpillar map. I mentioned it to a FP resident who spent a day in my office and she suggested benadryl cream. The next day I looked for some at our local supermarket pharmacy and the shelf was cleaned out of brand name and generic versions of it. 4 feet long, 2 shelf area, cleaned out. Guess I’m not the only one

  10. “time under tension”

    Please explain, I’ll read your reply later. Ollie needs to go to daycare and then me workie workie

  11. Weights with lots of reps, using squat variants. Down two up two, down three up one. Down four hold for four. Many, many reps. Same with upper body.

  12. “Meat sweats” is something else entirely, your doc is just wrong.

  13. Sorry, Paula is wrong. Meat sweats is when you eat a pile of meat so big your surface temp climbs from the metabolic activity increase. It’s a good, wonderful thing, and nothing to do with infectious veganism.

  14. Ditto what Leon said.

    But my old lady sweats are often confused with meat sweats.

  15. wakey wakey

  16. sometimes elliot chews around the pill pocket and spits out the pill. gotta makes sure he gets the whole thing.

    cheese doesn’t have the allure it once did, but peanut butter flavor never fails

  17. Oh, for effs sake. They’re going to try and ram this “delta variant” bullshit down our throats. England is lost. Canada is lost. It’s the US and only the US PEOPLE who will say “No thank you, BITCHES.”

    This is absolutely awful, these people are power-hungry, controlling assholes.

    And I don’t mean that in a nice way.

  18. I saw on Instagram a low-cost, treat for dogs are the peanut butter filled pretzel squares. They sell the big container at Sam’s and Costco. Sam’s Clubs are about $6.50-7.00.

  19. Yes, I did make record tips last night. WHen I counted my money I had zero idea how I made that much.

  20. Carin’s Crossfit is obviously paying off too.

  21. I’m down 5 lbs with the ETP stuff, so that’s going in the right direction.

  22. I think I missed the ETP thread. What is ETP?

  23. Extended Trifolding Penis.

  24. I am going to CA for a 3 day wedding reception event. They were going to get married last summer but then COVID effed that up. They got married in a small ceremony and now want to have a big reception/ party. The bride’s father is my husband’s best friend and can afford to have a Friday evening dinner at a winery. A huge Saturday reception and a Sunday farewell brunch.

    I’m not buying any clothes and must fit into what I already own.

    Also, God willing, we will be heading to Maui for September and August* and will be wearing a bathing suit for two months. Need to tighten up the line for that deal.

    *We’re staying at my sister’s place at a highly discounted rate, hence the ability to stay 2 months. My husband can work anywhere with a phone and computer.

    Still not sure what the testing/vaccine requirements will be. I’ve read that if the Hawaii population gets to 70% vaccinated NO testing or vaccines will be required.

  25. Ohhhh, Eat to perform.

    Makes sense.

  26. I tried to get an answer at work, if I can work remotely. Silence. Found out yesterday someone else in another department lives a state away (DSM is in the middle of Iowa). So I’m not sure if he’s commuting 3.5 hours one way every day, which is how the policy reads.

    Or if they just forgot, or if they are hoping I just forgot. I hate being the one who has to keep track of where everything is. Why can’t everyone else keep track of their own shit?

  27. Did your capacity go up, Car in? more volume = more tips, and you can certainly handle more than minimum load.

  28. Where is Hotspur?

  29. It a great program . Works for me. I have a big race next week so my etp coach will adjust my macros so I front just eat whatever.

  30. Fox muzzling local reporter, goes to Project Veritas

    From the sidebar at AOS. I’m withholding excitement over this. muzzling a local weather reporter?

  31. Sup bolsa de queso

  32. Maintaining freshness. You?

  33. DSM city council met in person for the first time last night, and BLM overtook the meeting, screaming yelling, sitting on desks, getting in council member’s faces, meeting called off and they are wondering why their voices weren’t heard.


  34. I have a couple of pumpkin mounds that are underperforming. I might just see what plant starts are left at TSC and plug them in so the mounds aren’t wasted.

  35. You know, the left’s ideas don’t stand up to the slightest bit of scrutiny.

    But I think we should give in. It’s the quickest way to get rid of them.

  36. I’d start more seed myself before buying the starved rootbound wretches sold at stores right about now.

  37. But “We tried your way, it doesn’t work,” doesn’t convince them either, and neither does the pile of bodies. There’s only one way to deal with communists.

  38. let them have their way. Defund the police.

    I see that Buckhead in Atlanta is trying to secede from the city. Good.

  39. Not much time left in the growing season. I might have time for more summer squash/zucchini, but I already have too many of those that are doing well in other mounds. Maybe cucumbers would be worth trying just to see if I can grow some that aren’t bitter in the soil I’m working with now.

  40. There’s only one way to deal with communists.

    I can think of at least 7. Composting, impalement, oubliette, helicopter rides, gallows, flaying with hot tongs, ice floes…

    Lots of ways to deal with communists.

  41. Haha, soccer star isn’t woke!


    Drink water instead!

  42. Guillotine! I totally forgot guillotine!

  43. Comment by mare on June 15, 2021 8:28 am
    My husband can work anywhere with a phone and computer.


    Is he one of those extended car warranty guys?

  44. Is he one of those extended car warranty guys?


    No, I would have already killed him.

  45. Comment by leoncaruthers on June 15, 2021 9:40 am
    There’s only one way to deal with communists.

    I can think of at least 7. Composting, impalement, oubliette, helicopter rides, gallows, flaying with hot tongs, ice floes…

    Lots of ways to deal with communists.


    Leon, please resume the publication of your newsletter. I’m interested.

  46. Just a heads up (snicker), if any of you assholes get caught doing a Toobin here at the H2, you WILL NOT BE REHIRED here.

    I think that is somewhat murkily laid out in the H2 manual.

  47. Another day, another stupid lefty goon
    I really hope we can be done with them, I hope the day comes soon
    But as I think, I start to sing another tune
    There must be 50 ways to ditch a Marxist
    Yeah, there’s 50 ways to ditch a Marxist

    Just lop off the head, Fred
    Hang ’em real high, Ty
    Don’t need a real plan, Stan
    Just listen to me

    Take ’em out back, Jack
    It’s not options we lack, Mac
    We just do our duty, Lee
    And keep ourselves free

  48. Jon Stewart is apparently vehement about WuFlu — get this — coming out of the Wuhan virology lab, in a live appearance on Coal Bert’s show.

    War with China is coming. It’s what China wants. We will be made to lose. That’s why the messaging is changing. The US will be put on a War Footing, and you will need Make Sacrifices to Fight Communism and Defend Democracy.

    We’re all in this together, you know.

  49. Why does the world keep looking more and more like the Fallout timeline?

  50. Fiction has to be plausible to be enjoyable. It’s not like war with China is unthinkable.

    I remember the Cyberpunk RPG had a great future timeline where almost none of it came true. The nuclear exchange in the Middle East that turned the whole oil-region into a radioactive no-go zone was plausible, but “all cars run on alcohol now!” was just silly.

  51. Yeah, I get that, but the specifics are echoing way too close for comfort. New Plague? Corporate dominance? Fascist government with a republican facade? War with China? I mean, if we’re gonna do this, is it too much to ask I get a T-51b out of the bargain?

  52. I just want a stockpile of fusion cores for gatling laser.

  53. China cannot survive without the US market, and they know it. That will prevent them going to war. If they are smart.

  54. Long term, that’s true, but I think they are willing to tighten their belts for a few years so the US goes from informal vassal to formal vassal.

  55. I don’t think it’s China pushing for war. It’s desperation by the left because Biden is turning out to be a disaster. They’re going to claim that Biden’s health makes him unfit to handle the crisis, and encourage him to step aside for Kamala.

  56. Maybe. ‘Cold War’ footing where they keep their grift going through Far East cutouts and the like seems plausible, and a great excuse to turn the IC inward to root out “CCP Agents”.

  57. My tractor arrives around 1 pm.

    WHO’S EXCITED??!!!???

  58. I think it’s most likely we have a WWI situation brewing, where a series of interlocking miscalculations make it possible for some otherwise minor incident to simply spiral out of hand.

  59. Entirely possible, Tim.

    We could be invading Argentina by ’23. No one will have a fucking clue about why, but that’s that shape of things.

  60. Car in, I forget, what did you get?

  61. Kubota.

  62. We need a name. Trump?

  63. Because it’s going to get things done.

  64. I need a Maga sticker.

  65. Chicken Tractor

  66. Well they are orange.

  67. That’s an entirely different thing.

  68. That is true.

  69. Tractor McTractorface

  70. Fake Double

  71. Orange Pussy Grabber.

  72. It’s almost as if you guys aren’t taking this seriously.

  73. Burpeenator

  74. Maybe once you see how awesome it is?

  75. “T-51b” is a great name for a tractor.

  76. I think bitterness in cucumbers is mainly caused by a specific gene. They sell non-bitter gene having varieties now. Those are less attractive to cucumber beetles too, iirc.

  77. maybe now we can visit, when you fill in that giant hole in the driveway

  78. Ill Acquainted With Gravitas

  79. Brotim going for the Culture names.

  80. I only read Consider Phlebas so the only one I remember is Clear Air Turbulence.

  81. Lauraw’s patented cucumber success plan:

    Sow cucumber seeds in a mound of compost in full sun on the north or west side of a tall trellis.

    Keep well watered in early stages of growth and protect from rodents and slugs. Mulch lightly with rotted hay or straw. Train the vines up the trellis as they start to take off.

    MOST IMPORTANT: Know the life cycle of cucumber predators. Cucumber beetles emerge in July in my latitude, mate, and lay eggs at the base of cucurbits. Their larvae burrow down to the roots and feed on them, stunting the plants while the adults carry on attacking the plant for its sap up above.

    So, when cucumber vines are first starting to elongate, before emergence of the pest, pile lots of compost and deep (6” at least) straw mulch at their base to bury the main roots and to help more roots form all along the buried stem. The deep straw layer on top gets inhabited by predators and the cucumber beetle is less successful at getting down there and laying its eggs at the base of the vine. The deeper roots below the pile of the new compost should sustain the plants if the new upper roots get attacked by larvae anyway.

    Also monitor the blossoms on squash plants. These get populated with the very first mating pairs of cucumber beetles as soon as they start to open daily. You can lower their numbers drastically if you kill off a lot of the first generation. Dump them out in a jar of hot soapy water or crush the blossoms that you don’t need, the male blossoms at the end of the day are totally expendable.

  82. What about Sevin dust?

  83. which song?


  84. Sevin is great but I’m trying to not do stuff that kills bees and ladybugs. Occasionally if things get out of hand I will dust under leaves with diatomaceous earth. But not on the flowers where bees go.

  85. amazing that soil from plankton will help kill bugs


  87. Funny, I never considered “Here” as a name.

  88. Most if not all antibiotics were originally derived from microbes iirc. They are chemicals that the wee beasties secrete in order to protect their little territory from the other wee beasties.

  89. Name the tractor General Augusto Pinochet. Post this on faceborg and see what happens.

  90. Free Rides!

  91. *still think it should be the chicken tractor

  92. Most of the original class of antibiotics are based on fungus.

  93. Comment by Car in on June 15, 2021 1:51 pm


  94. I hope the house survives the tractor’s arrival.

    And the lake doesn’t have a new visitor

  95. Hereafter I’d appreciate it if you called it by it’s proper name – Trump. I’m not sure if it’s gender, so the pronoun issue isn’t resolved right now.

  96. Tractor is masculine in Spanish (el tractor) and German (der Traktor).

    If you say it’s a girl you’re ice skating uphill.

  97. So Ethan needs the poke. We’re here trying to get it and insurance is saying they don’t cover it.

  98. Your mom needs the poke.

  99. doesn’t the state give them away?

  100. Wait a minute, there are people who still think COVID 19 DID NOT come from a lab?

    What is going on here?

  101. A thousand places here have it for free or about $25.

    Why is Michigan whose government is mental about COVID not have the shot available for free?

  102. The higher ups in the military are absolute asshole politicians.

    They only want boxes (military personnel below them) to be checked to make their own numbers look good. It’s absolutely crimininal.

  103. I think a lot of people who live in blue states have no idea there are places where no one gives a shit about covid anymore and hasn’t for months.

  104. HO-LEE-SHIT

  105. Ethan had to get it for the Navy, or they’d quarantine him all the time.

  106. https://tinyurl.com/mucnf5c

  107. We know that, Carin, making servicemen get it is bullshiit what is weird, you can’t find a cheap place to get it.

  108. In NM, illegals can get the jab for free. No ID. No insurance. When we went to get our J&J, the first thing the pharmacy asked for…our Insurance cards and ID. I pointed to the posted no ID or Insurance…and Dan shut me down before I could get “All political”.

  109. Braunschweiger is doggie crack.

  110. Ethan had to get it for the Navy, or they’d quarantine him all the time.

    I know a guy who does them in, well, an area I can drive and can give you legit paperwork regardless of where the syringe contents go.

  111. it’s probably better if he just gets the vaccine, without the additional subterfuge. he doesn’t need more to think about, and he should be ok, being a fit male.

  112. It would have been more fun if Car in got a boat, instead of a tractor.

    Cool Boat Names

  113. hey leon, they found SQL Server Mgmt studio on dominion machines


    Not sure it’s as big of a deal as Gateway Pundit makes out. But if it’s not supposed to be there, it shouldn’t be there. This isn’t software that you just download and install, either.

  114. It isn’t supposed to be there, and it’s not free. Did Dominion pay for the licenses? How is the vote data stored?

  115. On the other hand, it’s Gateway Pundit, so who knows.

  116. Comment by leoncaruthers on June 15, 2021 7:39 am

    “Meat sweats” is something else entirely, your doc is just wrong.
    The Vet didn’t call it that, she said Ehrlichiosis and added, “You know, the one that can give you a meat allergy”.

    It was Paula who modified meat allergy to meat sweats as a joke. An intentional error such as someone saying expresso despite knowing full well it’s espresso which my Italian friend Frank did all the time. Probably still does, it’s been a while,gotta catch up with him.

  117. https://is.gd/HqJlX2

    (Imgur video with sound)

  118. Jimbro, I appreciate Paula’s Hostage humor.

  119. Ca rin,
    The DoD paid the pharma companies BILLIONS for the shots. They are free to the people everywhere, here.
    Safeway, Albertsons, CVS, Wallgrens, RiteAid all have “Free Covid-19 Shots!” signs…

  120. Mr Kim on Kim’s Convenience just made a joke about a monkey riding a pig. Netflix.

  121. It’s hard for me to keep a poker face when she’s telling a story or ranting about something with her creative swearing skills. Even trickier is when I happen to be the target of a rant and I end up laughing my ass off. Add to that her creative facial expressions and I’m a goner

  122. You troll Paula? WTF? Dan trolls me all the time. He told everyone that he’s scalping my Foo Fighter tickets.

  123. Sell Foo, Buy Doge

  124. WSJ Markets newsletter headline:

    “Lumber Prices Are Falling Fast, Turning Hoarders Into Sellers”

    That’s a relief for a lot of people

  125. I can finally afford a club sandwich!

  126. 1/2″ plywood is still $85 at my Home Depot.

  127. it will be, until HD sells that high priced stuff. Up $30, down $5

  128. When the prices went up, they raised prices on that cheap stock, right away. Now they will wait until it’s gone before the price drops again.

  129. Just like gasoline.

  130. Is Elliott all better or is he still being an ass?

  131. Elliot is much better. The trainer we employed has benefited from this, as I know of 4 new clients that he has, and possibly 2 more signing up.

  132. CoAlex, maybe you can hire Gina Carano to model your clothing line.

  133. Wow. I seem to remember you weren’t happy with the expense part early on. Good job dog trainer.

  134. Well, it was a lot, for what I expected. But he delivered, and it really shows. Get what you pay for, I guess.

    I’m just cheap.

  135. Elliott should send them a thank you note.

  136. yeah, he didn’t go to the farm

  137. Dog behavior is nuts. I remember how Dorkus would act differently depending on who was holding the leash.

    Smelling emotions.

  138. Ruby once woke up from a dead sleep, turned into Cujo, and chased a guy out of my store because I was scared.

  139. Wow, watching the BlazeTV only Steve Deace segment. He wrote Faucian Bargain, and he was trying to get an ad on Tucker’s show. Fox legal is ghosting him, not taking his calls, and not letting him advertise. He’s getting blackballed.

    They were going over the Ivory Hecker firing and outing of Fox squelching her hydroxycholoriquine reporting.

    Very interesting.

  140. amber alerts on the other side of the state, great. That means my phone will be going off all freakin night.

  141. gosh that sucks for you Jay

  142. Dogs enjoy raw potatoes.

  143. My dogs would sooner eat my calf muscle than a raw potato

  144. Excellent idea by Pepe, Gina Carano as the spokesmodel for Thicc Thot Skorts & Other Assorted Booty Shorts

  145. I’ve been busy the last couple of days with work and have only caught snippets of coverage of Biden at G7/NATO/Putin and they’re really pumping him up with all the “America is back,baby!” stuff. I can’t wait until they let us know how intimidated Putin is after Joe setting him straight in Geneva. It will be described as “unprecedented”.

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