Cry Meme a River

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88 Comments

  1. Oy!!

  2. How do you say “yoink” in russian?

    https://is.gd/ImGUr_video_witH_sound

  3. Morning monkey. Have you packed everything up yet?

    My eyes popped open at 2AM and I couldn’t get back to sleep. Got up and crafted next weeks BBF and drank a pot of coffee.

    Stupid brain has been grinding on negative things, I wish I could take a vacation from being aware. Seems unlikely.

  4. https://is.gd/_Simmer_down_MarE

    (IMGUR VIDEO)

  5. pups is my spirit animal.

    with the sleep thing. memes are better than tuesday

  6. You know how we’re often suspicious of pop culture’s motives?

    https://is.gd/iltvrE

    “Ass Crack Summer” is somehow better than White Boy Summer

  7. Occasionally I’ll wake up at 0300 or thereabouts completely wide awake with zero chance of falling back asleep. Half a pot of coffee is gone before I’d normally even be awake. It happens maybe 2-3 times a year. It sucks if it’s a work day but I can usually power through and catch an early bedtime the next night.

  8. Showed the pull out one to Paula on her way by and it took her a minute to get it. For a woman who can swear like Hotspur at a moment’s notice , her meme game is not as strong. She did laugh at the “Be a nurse” one.

  9. wakey wakey

  10. So, last night at work …

    This old guy started yelling at me because we didn’t have any of the beers he wanted. When I said it wasn’t my fault that we didn’t have the beer he wanted (PBR, BTW), and were out of MGD (his second choice) he said “We’ll YOU’RE here, so you’re the one I’m yelling at”. He started ranting about computers, and who the hell knows what else. YOU TELL ME WHERE I CAN GO TO GET A BEER. After pointing and explaining our beer list one more time, the table behind me (another one of mine) told the guy to stop talking to me like that. Then the old many started swearing and yelling more. At that point, I told him I was done, and walked away, as the other table offered to take the old man outside. THE ENTIRE RESTAURANT WAS QUIET LISTENING IT IT All. It was really …. something.

  11. The other server said “he probably has ptsd” (he had a Vietnam vetrans hat on). Sorry. That’s no excuse for being an asshole. That war was 50 years ago. Get over it. I half think some people wear those hats around so they get a free pass to act like an asshole.

    (although most are perfectly fine- one of my favorite costumers ever wears one every time he comes in).

  12. Best buddy’s dad is a Vietnam vet. Not an asshole.

    If CoAlex is an asshole, it ain’t for last night. Can’t judge beyond that, though I sorta assume anyone here is at least 7.13% asshole. M’self included.

    Nobody gonna talk about Mr. Can’t-Pull-Out leading off with two sets of twins? Seriously?

    Power to the people, and ban the fucking Deep State.

  13. I mean seriously, Mrs. Penis Flytrap, THAT SHOULD HAVE INDICATED A LIKELY TREND

  14. I’m not saying that vets are assholes at all. BUT if a guy is acting like a total prick, his Vet hat isn’t a get out of jail free card. That’s all I’m saying.

  15. If the stories I’ve heard are true, marine infantryman turned nurse is swimming in pussy.

  16. Know who’s kids aren’t miserably lonely while the world is busy being destroyed by Branch Covidians?

    That guy’s.

  17. Diabeetus and find oot both made me lol.

  18. I know a guy who sees that “can’t pull out” pic and thinks “pfft, amateur.” Last I knew he was at 13, but one is adopted, so.

  19. 7.13% asshole

    Those are rookie numbers.

    I’m sorry you had to deal with the guy CARin, I’m glad another table stepped in but in my opinion every man in the place should have stepped up to the table. I’ve found it usually only takes a quiet conversation and a free drink to calm folks down. Third parties can defuse the situation much easier than original combatants.

    Two jerbs ago I went out to lunch with the principles of the company and the office manager, we were at a sports bar and there was a young guy sitting at the bar, he was big, and he looked drunk from the night before. They refused to serve him, he got belligerent and made threats, refused to leave, so they called the cops. Bartender, cook, and dishwasher came out and started wrassling with him right there on dining room floor, everybody getting shots in. Bad scene.

    I just stood up kept myself between the action and my table. The dishwasher was whacking him with a fold-up patio chair like one of those old westerns. He didn’t feel a thing, wasn’t really fighting back but he also wasn’t saying uncle or moving toward the door. They finally grappled him up and heaved him out the front door right when the cruiser pulled up. There was no talking to that guy, I think he wanted a fight. Took the handcuffs quietly on the sidewalk and plopped himself in the back of the cruizer like it was a taxi.

    The bartender saw me standing up and ready to help, I think he thought I did help although I did nothing other than keep the action away from my table, but I never paid for a drink in that place again.

  20. Medicinal prostitutes are a real thing in Amsterdam. But that picture looks like it was taken in Iowa. Probably a college town in Iowa, I’m guessing.

  21. Sobek, a couple moron dudes in my OCS class had s running joke about it being a competition.

    “X is ahead”
    “He cheated. He had twins!”

  22. Mormon, not moron.

  23. https://www.instagram.com/mybabydolls/

    ^ The mom in question’s instagram. From the Q&A:

    “Do you ever spend time alone with your husband?”

    “Yes, every evening when the kids go to bed”

    No shit really?

  24. CoLex, yeah, twins is cheating. Dude with fourteen has no twins.

    I know a couple that had a boy, then another boy, and then twin boys, and then twin boys again. That’s when the wife said fine, she’ll never get her little girl, we’re done. I have to imagine she feels a bit outnumbered. Cute family.

  25. So she only has one set of twins, and a pair of irish twins.

  26. Also, that couple is single handedly responsible for maintaining the Swedish race.

  27. I think many of you have been negligent on the thumbs up on posts.

    You lazy bastards.

  28. That family is adorable.

  29. Carin, the unreasoning irritability of some old men is a thing. I think it has to do with sensing that they have been disarmed somehow. They do not get the attention or social respect they were accustomed to getting when they were younger, and any little thing sets them off now.

    Of course, some people are just lifelong dicks to servers. My ex used to embarrass me in this way, and he was a young guy.

  30. That mother of 10 children looks incredible (went to Pupster’s link to her Instagram page).

    She’s the type that should have a lot of children.

    I don’t know what that type is, but I love large families.

  31. “I’ve met some pricks in my time, but you, sir, are a fucking cactus.”

    Try that next time.

  32. At any rate, a restaurant not having the beverage you prefer is a thing that happens in life and most of us don’t even need to engage our coping skills to deal with such an occurrence. There is little emotion in this situation. Doesn’t even trigger disappointment, really. You choose something else and move on. It might even be fortuitous if you try something new and like it.

    He was just gonna crack apart that day for any reason.

    I like tomato juice at breakfast when we go out to a diner. Some diners don’t have it. I gasp loudly, get emotionally hurt and weep copiously at the table when I am informed of this, but I don’t abuse the server. These people handle the food. Be nice.

  33. W Family Theater

    scott: So when I cut down those yews in front of the porch, what are you gonna plant there?

    lauraw: those ‘Big Daddy’ hostas your mom got me last Summer.

    scott: where are they now?

    lauraw: outside in big pots. I overwintered them on the porch for safety.

    scott: *looks confused*

    lauraw: they’re in there. You can’t see them because they die back over the winter. They’re not evergreen.

    scott: They’re not evergreen?? So the foundation will be exposed?

    lauraw: for the few months over the winter when we’re not out there anyway, yeah. But an exposed foundation isn’t so bad…it’s not bad looking.

    scott: Yes, it’s ugly. *points at the neighbor’s house* See, right there.

    lauraw: Scott, our house already looks like it’s being eaten by shrubbery.

    scott: harrumph *goes outside to play with the chainsaw*

  34. Foundation plantings are weird. I look at my neighbors’ homes who don’t have much planted up against the house and I think it looks fine. So you see some concrete. What’s the big deal? Is this really a problem?

  35. No, Scott’s mental.

  36. Scott comes from a nicer neighbornood than where I came from, so this ‘cover the foundation’ thing may be a socio-cultural signal of some sort that means nothing to me. His old neighborhood had impeccable lawns too, and almost nobody around here does much more than mow and overseed occasionally.

  37. If the foundation is exposed, then a cop might drive by and see where Scott buried the bodies.

  38. Colex, that’s a good point. Although if he really wanted that stuff to stay hidden maybe he shouldn’t have put headstones.

  39. I get the impression Old Man was used to just being a cankerous prick and people just deal with it.

    I wasn’t going to deal with it. I don’t have to.

  40. Althouse had a post up about QAnon, and it struck me that the SJWism and QAnon and the like are all merely rebranded gnosticism. If the past 2000 years are defined by the advance of Christianity and the occasional resurgence of paganism, gnosticism has always been in the shadows, surviving by constant reinvention.

  41. Tell the cops you’re having a Democrat voter registration drive. It’ll be fine.

  42. Yelling get off of my lawn is funny little thing we say here, but people who do that shit (unprovoked) in real life often are assholes.

  43. Why aren’t there any pics of the dad in the pics with all the kids?

  44. He’s holding the camera.

  45. He’s an Instagram husband.

  46. So grandpa did pass last night at 11:57. They got his heart restarted but he was so long without oxygen to his brain that there was no chance of him waking up. Mom is taking it hard. I feel bad because I’m not. I am pissed that they wouldn’t allow my aunt into the hospital to say goodbye. The doctor was apparently apologetic about that, and offered to say any message from her.

    We’ve all known that this was coming, and apparently the dialysis was hard on Grandpa and he had talked about stopping it. I think that he was ready to go.

  47. Sorry about your grandpa. Diaylsis is really hard and a lot of elderly people often do decide they’ve had enough.

  48. But, honestly at that point – you’re already on borrowed time. Not to be callous. But I’m assuming he wasn’t a young man.

  49. Correct. I was expecting this sooner, as I think taking care of grandma in her final years was what kept him going. Once she passed, he really didn’t have anything else.

  50. Sorry Alex. In my mom’s case, she was ready to go. She took the treatment to prolong the end result but had no illusions that a cure was possible.

  51. I made a couple of dump runs because it’ll be closed tomorrow. When I was walking by the stairs in the garage with a half filled bag I noticed there was a pile of crap that’s been there for months. I started filling the bag and when I got into a box from Ben’s car cleaned out at Paula’s urging I found 3 charging blocks and a charging cord. I have to listen to Paula gripe about missing charging blocks on a regular basis. She’s up 3 blocks as of 2 hours ago

  52. Colex my condolences. Your instagram husband video almost made a misogynist out of me. If I watch it again I probably will qualify.

  53. You have my condolences, Alex.

  54. That Nate guy is only a few more downvotes away from something violently self-destructive.

  55. I’m smoking a cigar with a ring gauge of 66. I think I overbought on this one. It’s the first of a 10 pack. I’ll try a punch cut on the next one so I don’t have to mimic your mom behind the bowling alley to smoke it.

  56. Jimbro, my wife does the same thing when she cleans her car. Just takes a hefty cinch sack and throws everything in it that she doesn’t want in the car whether it has value or not and puts it somewhere in the garage. So the next time I’m straightening up the garage I run across this sack of trash but I’ve learned to sort before tossing. Gotta salvage the cash, cd’s and cd cases (back in the day), charger cords, flashlight, emergency travel toothbrush and paste kit, etc. I’ve salvaged as much as $20 in change and singles before. She never counts out and pays the exact cost. Just whip out another ten or twenty and throw the change in the console. Drives me nuts.

  57. Nate’s wife will eventually bully him into going along with her plans to start and OnlyFans, until eventually he snaps.

  58. Ben started his job at the Bar Harbor airport last week. He works 3 days, 8A to 6P so he’ll be making some cash and connections. There’s a lot of rich bastards with mansions down there and they fly in for the weekend and holidays.

    He said they’re expecting the owners of Home Depot, Dreamworks and the Atlanta Falcons today. I said when the Falcons guy walks by he ought to whisper “28-3” a few times.

  59. Condolences, CoAlex.

  60. Sorry for your loss, CoAlex.

  61. Condolences for you and your family, Alex. Are you planning to fly home for the service?

  62. Sorry about your Grandpa, Alex.

    The part about your Mom not being able to say goodbye enrages me. How long will this farce go on?

  63. Isn’t it still cold in Maine. Jimbro??

    And Ben sounds like he’s making his dreams come true. It’s a great start.

  64. Condolences, CoAl. Sorry that COVID theater kept your Aunt away. (Assuming that it was COVID theater that only allows one visitor)

  65. Jimbro 28-3 🤪🤣🤣🤣

  66. There’s no service planned. Grandpa didn’t want one, most of his family has passed, the rest he either had no contact with, or they lived in Missouri, while he lived in Oregon. Once this Kung Flu crap gets lifted, we’ll probably hold a small gathering with just his daughters and grandchildren, but that won’t be until summer, I think.

  67. Yeah, still cold here, especially compared with Florida. Most of these mansions have caretakers and if you’re rich enough you can fly in on a private jet, enjoy the Easter weekend and be back at the office on Monday morning. A lot of these places are occupied for a couple of months total out of the year.

  68. CoAl, welcome to NM. We’re having COVID Memorials for Chavita, Eva, Amanda, and Barbara. Cancer for Fernando and Uncle Larry. I feel like I’m missing a cancer. August in Roswell.

  69. I’m sorry that Carin got yelled at. I’m getting ready to escalate Door Bitch. CoW is pregnant, again. I thought she was getting fat from all of the energy drinks.

  70. My Uncle Tom is still mad at me for not running obits for my dad in 2009. My dad didn’t want obits. Not even Stars & Stripes. My bro was the executor. I’m still the bad guy. He’s deaf. My Uncle Tom’s daughter is still pleading my side. My Uncle Tom loved my dad. My dad loved his brother.

  71. The top link on Ace’s sidebar is really good.

    A couple hundred thousand people died so big pharma could cash in.

  72. And so they can lock us down again when the next wild-type coronavirus starts killing everyone who got this round of vaccines.

    Embrace “and”.

  73. I watched that today too, when he showed the guy in the snow with a tutu, I guess I just don’t understand why you can’t get vitamin D from winter sun…just not intense enough?

  74. Yep. You can spend an entire day in Winter sun and not make much at all.

  75. Nope. I think he also said in the summer you only get D for a few hours. I assume around noon.

  76. Your mom gets the D year round.

  77. Ben was tipped $10 from Arthur Blank today. He said it still smelled like the jet he flew in on. Which did not smell like stripper perfume. We suggested he frame it.

  78. sorry bout your grandpa coalex

  79. That would be like me tipping somebody .003 cents.

    It might piss me off.

  80. Prayers and warm {{{hugs}}} for you and your family, CoAlex. I bet your Grandma was glad to be reunited with him.

  81. Thank you, everyone, for the thoughts and prayers.

  82. Polish pastor throws Canadian police out of his church:

    https://mobile.twitter.com/JackPosobiec/status/1378511944408252423

  83. Dancing eased Rhonda’s pain.

  84. Whip Meme


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