MMM 426: Office mushrooms

My mom got me a kit from “Nearby Naturals FL” that guarantees it will grow golden oyster mushrooms, and not just a few of them. It’s a 10 lb block of innoculated substrate that was already bursting with mycelium when it arrived. I’ve been misting the slit I cut in the plastic for a little over a week now.

Day 3, big growth, mycelium burst up and out of the slit in the bag.

Day 9 (today), this is “pinning” or baby mushrooms that look like little sewing pins.

The gold color is already starting to take hold. The ones that look black are actually just very dark gold if I look closely, and the already-gold ones looked black at the tip when they started.



****************SECRET SANTA UPDATE******************

Pajamma Momma wanted to show off her special packages, and also her gifts.



She asked me to thank her Santa and to say there were two bags of nuts, but one was scarfed before she could take a picture.


Well done, Santa!

****************ANOTHER UPDATE***********************

Roamy’s package got more frequent flier miles than Wiserbud in his heyday, but it found the RFH house.

Proof of poor paltry postal promises


Nicely wrapped.


Note the crocheted dick hiding in the shadow of the game. This is because dummy me unwrapped my gift while my daughter and her boyfriend were wandering through the house, and I haven’t explained The Hostages to him yet.

Looking forward to playing the board game and surprising someone with the dick. Thanks, Carin!


  1. Feel free to update with late-breaking Secret Santa news.

  2. BREAKING: Santa isn’t real, kids.

    Now, back to your regularly scheduled fungus programming.

  3. There’s a fungus among us.

  4. Does anybody actually believe Carin mailed a package? She’s going to continue trying to fool us with this nonsense.

    Jan 18th: “Oh my god, I can’t believe this!! NOW it’s in California! Stupid post office!!” etc. and so forth.

  5. BREAKING: Santa isn’t real, kids.

    Go post your nonsense on Reddit, h8r.

  6. Misting the slit.

  7. ewwww

  8. The mushroom comes out of the slit, bursting forth with new life.

  9. I’ve been misting the slit I cut in the plastic for a little over a week now.
    Dammit, Pupster got there before me. Surprised Hotspur left it alone

  10. I have a situation at work I’m trying to fix. We have a staff scheduling program but our office doesn’t truly use it. They are halfassing it, using only part of the utility, but the actual staff scheduling is done on paper using an excel spreadsheet.

    Then the spreadsheet info is transcribed onto individual paper day templates so that it’s bigger and easier to write on and make changes. The transcription errors are creating clusterfucks. I prefer my workplace clusterfuckfree as possible.

    Until I can convince the higherups to use the program properly, is there a way in Excel to migrate the days and staff members to the different template? So they print out perfectly transcribed and no human eyes or hands had to fuck it up in between?

  11. What we have now is names running down the left side of the page on the y axis, with days of the week across the top of the page on the x axis, and an O (for ‘off’) or an X (for ‘on’) in the boxes intersecting each day/ name. Each shift has its own page.

  12. The template I want to automatically transcribe to has days on the top x axis, and shifts on the left y axis, with a list of staff names in the day+shift box.

  13. You could use VBA/macros to transcribe, but I’d be extracting as a CSV then writing some python to script transform and re-importing.

    That’s almost certainly not what you want to do, but I don’t know a clean, Excel-centric way.

  14. Crap. SIGH.

    I gotta drag these people into the current day with regard to the software we already own and use.

  15. You can select entire columns and “paste special” to put them in another set of cells.

  16. Never say “Mist the slit.” People could mishear it and think, “Dude, maybe you just need a little practice.”

  17. What is it Tree rot says?

    “Slow is smooth, smooth is fast.”

  18. laura, you do not have a programs and applications problem. You have an Idiot Human problem, and those are notoriously intractable due to the insistence of most jurisdictions to disallow the use of the “they were and idiot and the gene pool needed cleaning” defense for homicide and/or manslaughter.

  19. Wouldn’t work, leon, the columns are just X and O and three lists of everyone who works for the company, sorted by shift. With some people on multiple shifts.

  20. Yes, that can be done easily in excel.

    It would be hard to explain but if you spend a few mins googling how to take data from one sheet and have it populate a template you could probably figure it out in an hour or so.

    You’re basically just saying, ‘this format is ok, but I’d like it to look like this instead’ right?

  21. Look, all I know is that a moistened slit is the key to everything.

  22. The names are all in column A. A1, A2, A3, all are staff names. The cells following their name in the same number row all contain the X and O indicators of whether they are working or not.

    How about, if the letter in any cell is an X, the program automatically substitutes the staff name from column A over to there? So if cell 3B=X, and 3A=Mary, then the name Mary appears in the cell?

    THEN I could probably select whole columns of names, right?

  23. There has to be some office just slightly smarter than mine that has figured this out.

  24. Right, MJ.

  25. I haven’t seen excel in a few years and I haven’t played around with the various functions for quite a while longer…20 years? I was just a sprout when I actually had to use it for work and stuff.

  26. The Key to Everything

    IMGUR video with sound

  27. I used to be able to make Excel jump up and sing and dance. That was a long time ago though.

  28. I’m using the logical function IF and got two cells to do exactly what I want. But I forgot how to make the whole table follow the same rule. I vaguely remember you could click or drag something and do it but I’ll be damned if I can get it to go. Urrggh. Gotta go back to school for this shit.

  29. Listen to MJ. He’s pre-med.

  30. “Misting the slit”

    You tools sicken me and I like it.

  31. welp, i really fucked that up

  32. Comment by Pupster on December 28, 2020 11:19 am
    The Key to Everything

    IMGUR video with sound


    This, somehow, has made my life better.

  33. I think I need nested formulas.

  34. I automated about 3 weeks of work for GND. Apparently she has to do this mass update of people or some shit every quarter and because I had nothing better to do I was looking over her shoulder as she became more and more frustrated.

    Took me about an hour and half to get it done.

    Come to think of it I have not been rewarded for that. Hmmmm. Girls are tricky.

  35. Solving problems is rarely rewarded, MJ, you needed to just commiserate with her about how hard it was and show sympathy, rather than remove the nail.

  36. Girls are tricky.

    See what I mean?

  37. Search and replace within selection with a whole row selected would do it, but you can still only do one row at a time.

  38. Thanks!! There’s not that many people working here so it’s not that cumbersome.

  39. If you need a chart to keep bedpans organized, Leon could probably do that for you.

  40. I leave data visualization to the UI people.

  41. *types*

  42. Just point them to the documentation. Then stifle the guffaws until after they’ve departed on the latter day snipe hunt you just sent them on.

  43. Try jiggling the handle.

  44. Looked like he shoveled first, then scorched away the flakes that fell after.

    Look, I’m not saying I haven’t thought about it, but it’s just inefficient. 3 gallons of gas would run a snowblower for hours or a flamethrower for minutes.

  45. Mist the driveway with gasoline and then flick a match on it

  46. Honestly, that’s a better plan, Jimbro. Same as when I tried to light my fallen pine trees with Mostly Peaceful Protest. Dousing them with the same gas and then letting it soak in a bit before flicking a small incendiary would have done the trick better. As a tool, it’s really best for flame weeding, which doesn’t generally ignite the plants, just kills them with heat shock.

  47. I’m a proponent of doing things the fun way, when you get the chance.

  48. Lets play that fun game where I check on Roamy’s ss gift.

  49. Leasing company just dropped off the dozer. Took the guy 20 minutes to get it off the trailer. Everything’s computerized and he couldn’t figure out how to move it. We were able to downsize to a slightly smaller machine, it still weighs 40,000 pounds. Should be interesting, the only other dozer I’ve operated is 60+ years old. They’ve changed a wee bit. Here’s hoping we don’t roll it over.

  50. I guess that might be kind of a lie. It is “fun” for me to find the most efficient way of getting something done. To make a plan, think things through, but also be flexible if it isn’t working out well.

    I think all this cold medicine and fatigue is messing with my body chemistry. I’m feeling emotional. Right now I’d like to drive to Michigan and give Leon a feet-off-the-ground bear hug.

  51. Are you fixing your road Pepe? Making new ones? Clearing a spot for your secret compound? Fortifying your defensive positions?

  52. An adult triceratops was only 14000 lbs.

    Right now I’d like to drive to Michigan and give Leon a feet-off-the-ground bear hug.

    Get driving and I’ll start drinking. I’ll be drunk enough to hug back well before you get here.

  53. Everyone who put their tree up November 1st or earlier is busy taking their tree down. Or already have.

    /shakes head.

  54. it still weighs 40,000 pounds
    Your mom would still have a shot at beating it in a weigh off

  55. I like to leave ours up until Epiphany but it’s in the spot where the homeschool table goes, so it’s coming down tonight. It had a good couple of weeks.

  56. My tree preference is from the weekend after Thanksgiving to the weekend after New Year’s. Paula’s preferences differ depending on her work schedule and hormonal fluctuations so I just enjoy it while it’s on display.

  57. So few things to be cheery about this time of year, so I leave it up as long as I can stand it.

  58. My nephew took his down over the weekend and took a selfie of him carting the boxes back to the storage unit. I’m more annoyed with the selfie than the early end of Christmas.

    Ours is staying up until Epiphany. Not much past that, or Mini-me won’t be here to help.

  59. Pups, first we’re cleaning out a bunch of dirt tanks that have silted in. Then we’re fixing roads, putting in new tanks, and anything else we have time for. I’ve needed to do this stuff for a long time, but hiring it done is really expensive. Buying a decent dozer is expensive and we’d only use it every once in a while. #1 son got a contract with the Forest Service that will cover part of the rental fee, so it was too good an opportunity to pass up. Unless we wreck the $350K dozer, then we’re screwed and Penelope murders me in my sleep.

  60. I just finished reading “The Detective” by Roderick Thorpe, Oso recommended it a week or so ago. Whoo-boy what a downer. Not one light-hearted moment in the whole story, dark-noir-darker-noirier pitch black. No action at all, first person detective procedural crime story. Brrrrrr.. I need to read something funny after that.

  61. Sounds like fun Pepe. I heard your mom’s dirt tank needs some work too.

  62. One time I procrastinated getting a gift for a dear friend. I don’t know why I put it off for so long, but I just did.

    So as not to be embarrassed about it I just told her it was lost in the mail.

    I think people do this all the time.

  63. Leon, I hope you don’t mind, but I updated this post with PJM’s package.

  64. *cough*

  65. I approve.

  66. Double Nutsack!

  67. Imgur Video with sound

  68. Another Imgur video with sound. 

    For Wiser.

  69. I received confirmation that the “package” was delivered.

  70. I love, love, my Santa’s nuts

  71. pepe – d6 H ?

    that’s a nice piece of equipment.

    they’re all alarmed now btw – you’d have to work pretty hard to put it on it’s side.

  72. I want shrooms!

  73. Mine are growing nicely.

  74. Jam, it’s a John Deere 750L. Brand new. Everything is computerized, even the throttle. It’s one of those things where I should have played video games. Forward/neutral/reverse is a rocker switch. No clutch, gear changes are a little thumb tab. The only pedal functions as a brake and a throttle decelerator. Press it and the engine slows and the tracks stop. Steering is a joystick that you push left or right.

  75. Hmmm, FBI can’t determine a motive for the Nashville bomber. Sounds a lot like the Las Vegas shooter.

  76. Happy Christmas and whatnot.

    I give 2020 zero thingies.

    Also pjm put your tits away.

  77. Poat updated! (Though someone may have to fix the pictures, that was my attempt with the new editor.)

  78. Hey unclefacts! Squishy hugs.

  79. Ha ha ha …

    I couldn’t help myself. The crochet Dick was just too funny

  80. Sure as hell, they walked into the kitchen, and I covered it with the bag. They remarked on the game, and we chatted for a bit, and I finally said, “Well! I need to get dinner started.”

  81. I now realize I have the Michigan pop flipped, the mitten faces the other way, doesn’t it.

  82. NY Slimes is reporting that one of my local hospitals is turning patients away. Funny how none of the local networks, nor yellowhammer news are reporting that.

  83. From what I hear the latest dozer controls are a joy to deal with.
    As in the past keep the throttle up , control forward speed with the transmission.
    Don’t use the decelerator unless you really have to.
    Keep a full blade and roar and bore.

  84. left hand pointing up. To signify their new political masters.

  85. why doesn’t the Slimes stick to NY hospitals?

  86. is there a vehicle the h2 hasn’t had experience with?

  87. well I found out I suck at making cake. Taste is great, but it collapsed in the middle. Tried to make one in a mold.

    Not letting it cool enough?

  88. left hand pointing up. To signify their new political masters.

    It’s a right hand palm up. That’s how we do directions here. US-23 tracks the crease in my right palm.

  89. The Gretch has decided otherwise.

  90. The Gretch sounds like something Car in ran in.

  91. Maybe she gretched during the Murph.

  92. DON’T POOP

  93. Darren’s exactly right, Patricia.

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