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152 Comments

  1. Fine bunch of memes for a Sunday morning which I am up too early for and WTF I used to be able to sleep buggeritall

  2. I love the fifths. Yes, it took me a second, but just a second.

  3. Poison IV and emotional support Canadians are also top notch.

  4. I also like the razzle dazzle. Plus, after I wrote two comments, more memes showed up. I assume that means I unlocked bonus memes by commenting.

  5. I just found another batch and updated the post, I’m not used to you early bird memereaders. Also:

    (This is an Imgur video with sound) Meanwhile at your mom’s condo

  6. wakey wakey

  7. crackin’ me up over here this morning

    Sobek, I have an old cookbook my MIL gave me that has some horrifying old American recipes in it, never fear. In my lifetime our cuisine has changed a lot. I remember succotash, but nobody eats it anymore.

  8. I managed to sleep in until almost 7 today which never happens. Another fine set of memes.

  9. I’m assuming that last fifth is appearing green on someone else’s monitor?

  10. wait, no blue, right

  11. When you don’t have kids you forget a lot of that stuff from childhood.

  12. Reading Dr Seuss as an adult will help you realize what a hack he was.

    Rhyming with made-up gibberish isn’t hard, you commie twat.

  13. The temptation to respond with a stupid rhyme composed of goofy neologisms would be irresistible if I wasn’t so lazy.

  14. Oy!!!

  15. Nice jerbl pup.

  16. At a b-ball tournament in pa.
    The buzz is it’s going to be shutdown this week.
    So no more events allowed anywhere in the tristate area for the foreseeable …
    The kids are having too much fun I guess.

  17. I’m honestly stunned by the number of ppl that are buying this mask shit.

  18. I’ll probably have to tape one of those smiley faces on my head.

  19. The drumbeat of the MSM bubble is constant and pervasive.

  20. I think I’ll buy some ammo on the way home.
    That always makes a monkey happy.

  21. We’re having the company Xmas party at our local range. Unlimited rental and ammo for 3hrs. Ho Ho Ho. Itd be a shame if a couple hundred rounds fell into my range bag.

  22. I said this to a couple young nurses last week:

    “Covid is a virus that spreads by airborne transmission.”

    They nod yes.

    “Are medical masks effective against airborne transmission?”

    They say, “no, you need N95 + a negative pressure room.”

    Quickly followed by, “OMG, Why are we doing this?”

    Thing is, they just got out of nursing school and isolation precautions were very recently drilled into their heads. But only me verbalizing this obvious truth out loud broke the spell everybody is under.

    People need to kill their TV and engage their critical thinking skills.

  23. MASKS DO NOTHING.

    Saying this out loud can get me fired. From my job in health care. Where I specifically have to know that medical masks do nothing against airborne transmission, as part of my specialized training.

    This is insane. Insane.

  24. Poison IV went on the dad joke list, and I lol’d at the full moon one. Good job, Pupster.

  25. I don’t get the gingerbread boy one, though.

  26. I think that one’s for people like me who won’t touch anything with raisins on it either

  27. Dog feet header pic makes me sad every time.

  28. I don’t get the second to the last one- lunch, horny people? whuh

  29. The kid is looking at us.

  30. Its so stupid – everything we’re doing – I can’t even deal with some people. Sheep. I want a sheep mask.

  31. I’ve bought four games to play for the holiday. Scrabble, an escape room, a trivia game, and a rock music based game.

    MY CHRISTMAS EVE IS GOING TO BE LIT.

  32. My brother did visit my dad yesterday, as promised, as did his son and two of his grandsons. Dad is tickled pink. Thank God.

  33. Trump trolling reporters in GA last night.

    https://tinyurl.com/y4kjqtmw

  34. I don’t get the fifths thing.

  35. 1 fish 2 fish red fish blue fish

  36. Still not getting it.

  37. 1 fifth 2 fifths red fifth blue fifth

  38. From Dr. Suess.

  39. Sheep mask is a good idea, Carin! That would be easy to do with fabric paints.

  40. Oh. Thanks. My kids had those books but I preferred reading them Mother Goose and more traditional rhymes.

    My oldest daughter’s favorite was:

    Rock Rock to Boston
    To buy a loaf of bread
    Rock rock home again
    It’s time to go to bed.

    Daddy makes a shadow picture
    High upon the wall
    A barking dog that says good night
    “Goodnight goodnight to all.”

  41. LOL that was just a mere 49 years ago.

  42. https://tinyurl.com/y5x57bcg

  43. https://tinyurl.com/yy5953hg

  44. Right, so googling for the same stuff Jimbro found, I found this tremendous article. I’m into the medical info and it feels like someone is validating that I’m the only sane person for miles around.

    https://canonlawmadeeasy.com/2020/07/30/can-we-be-required-to-wear-masks-at-mass/

  45. Thanks, Jimbro, it’s time for the Christmas avatar.

  46. HotBride had an awesome idea this morning. Use the chip in your cat or dog to open the pet door. Then strays can’t come in.

    Trouble is, someone already invented it.

  47. LOL that was just a mere 49 years ago.

    I’d watch an anime episode with them and put them to bed. Now we watch an anime episode and they put me to bed.

  48. Pepe’s link reminded me of a joke that was funny as hell in 1988 but would make no sense to the huge majority of the current population.

    What were Gary Hart’s last words to Donna Rice?

    Bitch, I said ‘Lick my erection, not wreck my election.’

  49. Avatard changed, per Roamie.

  50. My daughter isn’t big into me reading her stuff, at least not very often. When she does hand me a book to read to her, she usually gets bored with it before I do.

    She’s actually into rock. If I’m flipping through radio stations and something metal comes on, she tells me to stop and listen to it. So strange. Her oldest brothers hate everything written after the mid 1800s or so. My youngest son hates symphonic music and is more of a pop kind of guy. Then my four year old princess likes Slayer. Go figure.

  51. youtu.be/S2NcbRcOHx0

    Cheezit clone for keto crackers. These came out really good. I used very good grated parmesan. So easy to make. Unfortunately they made lightning in my microwave at about the 1:45 mark. I will back off on the time next time. I tried making them in the toaster oven too but they don’t puff and crisp like the microwave ones.

  52. Every year I have such a hard time picking out the right pic of Santa getting roughed up by the cops for my avatar.

  53. I just stick with the classic.

  54. I think Ellen Page is playing us. Until I see a picture of her with short hair …she’s not really committed. She’s got hoodies or hats on.

  55. I “liked” this, but my gravatar still isn’t showing up.

  56. Made jerk chicken on the grill for dinner, first time from scratch. I’d go lighter on the red pepper and cinnamon next time. Used butterflied chicken breasts rather than legs and thighs, I think this recipe is paste but I made it a marinade. Taste good but very strong flavors.

  57. I have a container of Jamaican Jerk seasoning mix in my spice drawer that will set the roots of your hair on fire. I don’t use it much.

  58. I’m making this https://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/food-network-kitchen/moroccan-chicken-and-vegetable-soup-3631025 for supper, using what’s left of the rotisserie chicken I bought on Thursday for $5.

  59. Dog feet header pic makes me sad every time.

    I changed it back.

  60. Also.

  61. Thanks for the cracker recipe Lauraw. I don’t know what it is about that Diet Chef guy but about two minutes in to his video I wanted to set his chest hair on fire with homemade low carb keto friendly napalm. So ernest.

  62. Then my four year old princess likes Slayer.

    She sounds fun.

    I listened to this on repeat during my drive to work for about a week straight when I lived in MN and was having a work conflict.

  63. Hmmmmm

    https://tinyurl.com/yy4z9h9u

  64. 50g each of good parmesan and almond flour
    pulse in food processor
    add 2 tsp water and pulse some more.

    remove and form into two balls of dough
    In between sheets of parchment paper, roll out each ball into a translucent circle that fits inside a dinner plate and peel top layer of parchment off.
    slice into cracker shapes with a pizza cutter
    place parchment with dough on a dinner plate and microwave 1 minute. Wait a few secs and zap again for 30 seconds. If the crackers aren’t a little puffed, sizzling, and slightly browned, keep zapping 10 secs at a time until it is. Stop if you see lightnin’. Lightnin’ means stop.

    Allow to cool and break crackers apart into individual crisps.
    Whole recipe is less than 5g carbs.

  65. Dan is making posole for dinner.

  66. I just put a meatloaf in the oven. My hands smell like garlic.

  67. Car in, your family Christmas tree is beautiful.

  68. Thanks Oso. it is one of the best, I think.

  69. Anyone have any idea for food gifts? My sil/bil – he has cancer and big surgery set for the 18th. Eating out isn’t going to happen (he can’t be around others) – and I thought some sort of super yummy food would be nice? but some of those steak gifts places … I don’t know that the quality is worth the price. So anyone know of anything that’s good?

  70. Comment by Car in on December 6, 2020 5:32 pm
    Anyone have any idea for food gifts?
    ========

    J’Ames made something unpronounceable, maybe he has extra.

  71. How far away from you does bil live?

  72. Tenn. So really far from me.

  73. Like- has anyone ever had the Kansas city steaks?

  74. Dog feet header pic makes me sad every time.

    I changed it bac

    sorry guys, wiserbud and I were getting old school sentimental hostages the other day. Guess I took it too far
    but, it’s cat feet if that makes you feel any better?

  75. My mom used to send us stuff from Omaha Steaks.

    Potatoes au Gratin is awesome.

  76. There are probably a bunch more places like this in Tennessee

    https://tinyurl.com/y2tgqc4v

    Don’t forget about the lobster guy.

  77. My sil has a shellfish allergy. But I *think* its only shrimp? I should find out.

  78. Tennessee cows moo with a twang.

  79. Lobster would be an awesome gift I think.

  80. I think I’ll give them a gift card (make sure to include shipping cost) for the lobster guy. So they can get it for when they want.

  81. Probably not a lot of fresh lobster in Tennessee.

    We sent Dave in Texas a lobster dinner a few years ago.

  82. Oooh. Lobster guy lets you come up with the gift, but send it as a gift certificate. That’s perfect. THANKS SCOTT.

    Now I’m going to need help with all my other shopping. Hope that’s not a problem.

  83. Does anesthesia make people really constipated?

  84. The Giants, with a backup QB, beat Seattle! Holy cow.

  85. Yes. MJ.

  86. Yes, it can.

    Anesthesia puts your gut to sleep, sometime it takes a while for it to wake up.

    poop blog

  87. That’s why after surgery they often make sure you are passing gas, etc, before they release you. It makes your bowels sluggish. What actually constipates you are the pain meds.

  88. Pain meds don’t help either.

  89. Didn’t they tell you all this before your tranny surgery?

  90. /Does finger eye thing with scott

  91. Your internet must be faster than mine.

  92. Late to the party but my company sent everyone an Omaha Steaks gift package since we cant have a holiday party this year because fake flu. All the food was really good, delivered frozen in a cooler with ice packs.

  93. youtu.be/tSzZJrEUcI8

    ZOOMIEEEES!!

  94. I don’t like the delivery steaks. I can get better for less at the store. but if you don’t know steaks and can’t go to the store, I think that would be pretty awesome. omaha steaks is popular, and aren’t too bad. haven’t had Kansas city.

    maybe a trial of blue apron or freshly for full meals, if they are foodies

  95. I’m having my penile reduction surgery.

    Your moms always bitch about walking funny.

    Ok fine. It’s tranny surgery.

  96. That’s why I asked about the steaks. Some of them are aged, which does make a difference (I’ve never been able to find aged steaks at the grocery store).

    I think the Lobster guy is the way to go if she’s not allergic. I don’t think she is.

  97. I hope they told you that once they turn it inside out, its not exactly going to work awesome.

  98. Depends where you live, Jay.

    It’s not easy finding quality steaks around here.

    You guys keep the good stuff and ship us the old tough stuff.

  99. Trannys are essential asexual.

    Change my mind.

  100. I don’t know where your in-laws are located, but when we lived in TN Puckett’s was our favorite restaurant, they are all over the state and have gift cards and delivery in some spots.

    https://puckettsgro.com/our-menu/

  101. Every steak I had in Texas was better than any steak I have had here.

  102. They can’t eat out right now because he has pancreatic cancer, and I just didn’t want to give a GC to just any restaurant. If I’m going to give a GC,it’s going to have to be special.

  103. They turn it inside out? How do you do that with a vagina?

    OMG do not google prolapsed vagina. It looks nothing like the dick I want.

    https://www.angelfire.com/celeb/richarddawson/main.html

  104. Do your inlaws like persimmons?

    Pick up the phone CARin!

  105. Omaha Steaks are good, but then you’re on their mailing list, and they are worse than the GOP for bugging the everlovin’ shit out of you.

  106. Imgur video with sounds of the Holidays

    You know that involved beer.

  107. 2020 memes

    https://tinyurl.com/y523r9hp

  108. I don’t know how they addadick, Mj. I imagine excess meat of some sort I’d used

    But to subtract a Dick, imagine a banana. Take the banana out of the peel and now turn the peel inside out and tuck it up in …???

    I’m confused about those details. But you can let us know how it goes.

  109. We were SOOOO close! The old refrigerator was unloaded, the delivery guys had rolled it out the door and were getting ready to bring the new fridge into the house, and…..

    …..the new refrigerator had dents in it. Big dents.

    So now we wait to hear if the store can get us a new one and get it delivered to us quickly (did you know that there is a national shortage of new refrigerators, due to COVID? Neither did we!).
    Meanwhile, the old refrigerator is back in our kitchen and we had to put all of the food back in it.

    Thankfully, we DID throw a LOT of stuff away that had been turning various lovely shades of green 😂😂😂

  110. I keep forgetting we’re close to the source of the meats. Omaha steaks would be a good one, then.

    I always thought that opening a steakhouse in Vegas, and just trucking in Iowa beef would take off like a rocket.

  111. There is a national shortage of everything.

    We bought a new range 2 months ago, still not in.

    Furniture stores are out of stock too.

  112. 2 days and I’m already over Mask Mouth.

  113. I don’t know how they addadick, Mj
    ——-
    Radial forearm free flap phalloplasty

    No link, it’s a bit unnerving if you image search.

    Worst meat delivery company ever

  114. https://www.mountainprimal.com/

    I’ve seen this one around too, never ordered from them

  115. Store has another fridge in stock – might be able to get it delivered tomorrow.

  116. My dad was team Omaha steaks. He allowed us to grocery shop for basics, beer, bread, and bovine juice.

  117. Oso, watched Hamilton today – spent 5 minutes in the bathroom after “Quiet Uptown”, bawling my eyes out.

  118. wow, Chiefs just missed reviewing a touchdown. Ball never hit the ground.

  119. I had to get a new washer and drier last month. The first two driers I took home and hooked up sounded like they had a dozen quarters in the drum when I turned it on. So I took both of them back. The third one worked quietly. The Lowe’s dude told me that they’re getting lots of malfunctioning kitchen and laundry appliances due to the factories being shut down for a while and just now getting back online. QC is lagging.

  120. My daughter sent me a package of Omaha steaks for my 60th birthday. I told her not to do it again as I could get three times the meat that she sent me for the same money down at the HEB. It’s good but it’s a pretty damned expensive way to get your meat on.

  121. Yes, she knows meat is cheaper at the grocery store. That’s what makes the Omaha stuff a treat and a birthday gift.

    You remind me of how mom bitches and criticizes when I do something nice for her. A hug and ‘this is really nice’ would suffice.

  122. My meat farmer had 3 standing freezers for sale. I knew about the shortage so I jumped on that at the time. Now it’s in the garage with a beef quarter and a whole lamb in it. I’m good on food for months so long as the grid stays up.

  123. TiFW, still can’t watch without crying. Finally watched End Game without tears. I’m watching the recounts and singing “Room where it happened”

  124. laura, wrote down the steps for rullepølse

    https://jayinames.wordpress.com/2020/12/06/rulleplse/

  125. and, judging by your reply to PG you didn’t have a very nice day. Can I get you a cup of coffee, and a roll?

  126. My dad and stepmom lost their freezer in the house fire in January/February and just last week got a replacement. Everything that was available prior was either 7 cubic feet or 27 cubic feet.

  127. Sorry if I came off rotten and mean. I didn’t mean it that way.

  128. Lol

    https://tinyurl.com/y35n6uj2

  129. Laura?

    https://tinyurl.com/yyo5rah4

  130. https://tinyurl.com/yye7q74t

  131. Comment by lauraw on December 6, 2020 9:56 pm
    Sorry if I came off rotten and mean. I didn’t mean it that way.
    ======

    We’re kinda used to it.

    (Just kidding! Ground the monkeys.)

  132. Comment by lauraw on December 6, 2020 9:56 pm
    Sorry if I came off rotten and mean.
    =====

    It’s your special gift! 😜

  133. Monkey burgers are the best.

  134. Are there decent alternative sites to youtube?

  135. *runs away crying and slams bedroom door*

  136. Are there decent alternative sites to youtube?

    Rumble.

  137. Dayum.

    https://tinyurl.com/y5pxhyog

  138. Pupster, sometimes you just need the right tunes during your commute.

    I’ve actually never really listened to Slayer. The only exception is that once I was reading The Cat in the Hat to my daughter, and I decided to do some funny voices. I realized the cat is an instigator, so i started doing a serpent in the Garden of Eden kind of thing, and it just got more and more demonic. Then I decided the Cat needed background music, so I went to YouTube and found Reign in Blood. Every time the cat was talking I hit play, and then paused when his line was done. So that’s why my daughter has heard Slayer.

    My boys loved it. Thought it was one of the funniest things they’d ever seen me do. They recorded video of it and wanted me to put it on YouTube. But between the Dr. Seuss (copyrighted) and the music(also copyrighted) I knew it didn’t stand a chance.

    I did the fish’s voice as a Shakespearen actor who’s going way overboard. Basically a Sideshow Mel kind of thing. Not sure about the kids, but I think i made them both deeply depressed.

  139. I assume this is what the title of the post is referring to:

    Fuel’s first two records are both really cool, start to finish. By the time they released their third i didn’t really spend time looking for new music, so i never heard the album, but this track is pretty good.

  140. Thanks, Roamy. I’m trying to purge some more goog from my life.

  141. Did everybody remind Philip?

  142. BBF Final Round 2 Results

  143. Thanks for organizing BBF throughout the year and the Playoffs Pupster. You are a well-oiled machine when it comes to the consistent production of huge boobs and funny memes.

    I think I can speak for my fellow Hostages when I say, if you’re ever applying for a position as a brothel manager, you can list me as a reference.

  144. Pay can’t vote in BBF playoffs on Friday. Apparently everyone at work follows it.

  145. I get multiple votes from the same IP address every round, I don’t blacklist anybody but I could if some shenanigans were happening.

    EVERY LEGAL VOTE COUNTS and some illegal ones too.

  146. I just ordered another rifle for myself for Christmas, I think I need an intervention. Just when I think I’m good I panic buy some more.

    Now I just need to lose weight so I can carry 8 firearms at once without tipping over.

  147. I keep thinking I need something for 9mm, carbine most likely, but a lot of those are on back order right now and it’s not like I can go into a store.

  148. I may break open the piggy bank and get a race gun.

  149. I’m thinking a worked 45.


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