Because We All Need Something Uplifting Right Now

And what’s more uplifting right now, than little wings.

The following items make me laugh…I am giving you these things….if any of you claim that these have already been posted here, I will call you a liar and say that you’re gaslighting me..regardless of the truth

158 Comments

  1. Last!

  2. Safe travels Vmax. I forget…are you going back to Florida?

  3. https://tinyurl.com/y6mu5rwm

  4. https://tinyurl.com/y56cows5

  5. How the fuck have I lived my life up to now and never heard of The Uncharted Zone???

    I feel like it’s all been a hollow lie.

  6. https://getpocket.com/explore/item/unified-theory-of-evolution

  7. In light of Lamarck, what will the people be like 3 generations after being tortured by lockdowns and the Mask of the Beast?

  8. In light of Lamarck, what will the people be like 3 generations after being tortured by lockdowns and the Mask of the Beast?

    We’ll have devolved into chadlocks and soilois.

  9. I’m flipping out. I’m about to tell the storage joint to take a hike and find another one. I’m also going to call in to work today and possibly tomorrow, both to get all this shit dealt with and to keep from melting down. (Man’s gotta learn his limitations. I’m too stressed to do a decent job right now anyway.)

  10. BAHAHAHA! Thanks for the belly laugh, PJ. Mr. B. liked them, too.

    Aww, poor Tyler. If I were his mom, I’d love him. And Lightfoot…*snortles*.

  11. I saw pictures of Mr. B. when he was in junior high. He looked a lot like Tyler. He says no girls were interested. LOL

  12. What is game theory?

  13. wakey wakey

  14. Fell asleep at about 2am. Woke up at 5:30 and couldn’t fall back asleep. Today is going to be fuuuuuuun.

  15. MIL update: Sis in law spent the night with her, in a chair. She deserves a medal. Mr. B. got some sleep, here, and relieved sisnlaw at 6 am.
    Their test showed elevated white blood cells indicative of a UTI – hmm, why’d the other ER not? So they have begun treatment for that and have already transferred her to the geriatric psych hospital which is closer to us, because he feels something else is going on. We can’t visit but we do have a number to talk to her.

  16. Coalex, one bad night of sleep shouldn’t affect you. It’s TWO nights of bad sleep.

    I used to tell myself this all the time when I had babies. it’s actually pretty true.

  17. You know what really sucks, Car in? I’m in pretty good shape for the race that didn’t happen.

  18. >>>Beasn, real symptoms or mask induced?

    Fever, sore throat, headache, body ache.

  19. 2020 can bite me. My buddy bob just had his Ironman cancelled.

  20. Car in, I didn’t sleep very well last night either. The job hunt and uncertainty is getting to me.

  21. Beasn and Tyler, sittin in a tree…

  22. Last night was my first night with the new CPAP. It didn’t go to badly. I’ll prolly take a nap without it after lunch though.

  23. Ambulance guys are loading MIL into bus to take her to other psych hospital –

    AG – How old are you?
    MIL- 91
    AG – Who’s the president?
    MIL – That rich guy..oh why can’t I remember his name…*…*…oh Trump…Trump, that’s it.
    AG – How many quarters in a dollar?
    MIL – Four.
    AG – Do you know where you are?
    MIL – The Nuthouse.

    Fin.

  24. Speaking of naps, gonna have some breffis and then off for a schnoodle.
    Later, mind manipulators.

  25. First, we briefly exposed a gestating female rat to the fungicide; then we bred her progeny for three generations, to great-grand-offspring, in the absence of any continued exposures. For nearly all males down through the lineage, we observed a decrease in the number and viability of sperm and an associated incidence of infertility with age.

    But RoundUp is fine.

  26. pupster’s giving all the squeeeeeeeeeee links this morning

    is RoundUp bad leon? I can’t tell whether that comment was serial or sarcasm

  27. Heh. Former co-worker who retired in a huff more than two years ago asked if he could get the books he left behind. Dude, maybe you shouldn’t have left 30+ years of your shit behind for someone else to clean up. I do have some of his books, but the new guys took some of the rest, and I’m not going to be an indian giver (raaaacist). And I’m not moving boxes of books now anyway.

  28. Can’t do any work on our work network, we’re under a ransomware attack.

    Which probably means someone downloaded and installed a virus.

  29. Question for the gardening people. This is the first time I’ve grown corn. Neither Mini-me nor I can touch the corn stalks without getting itchy, and in Mini-me’s case, breaking out in hives. I don’t remember ever having a reaction to corn like this, and I’m kinda scared to eat any of it. Everything else in the garden is normal. Any ideas as to what is going on?

  30. China Corn Seeds

  31. is the corn tasseling? you might have a reaction to corn pollen. If it didn’t bother you before.

    Corn is quite abrasive. ask a detasseler!

  32. Sarcasm, Peej. RoundUp is a satanic concoction.

  33. hmm, online it seems that corn attracts a lot of mold, so maybe that is a factor.

    Makes sense, because the ears get corn mold quite easy.

  34. GrazeOn is even worse. That stuff makes manure into un-compostable poison.

  35. yeah, but roundup works well.

  36. Heh, elliot does the pity thing too. Mrs Jay pretends like she’s crying, and elliot comes over to comfort her.

  37. The corn has tasseled, yes. Do I just hose it down before harvesting?

  38. Sarcasm, Peej. RoundUp is a satanic concoction.

    *hides 20 gallon container of Roundup*

  39. Radium paint made clocks you could read in the dark, Jay, didn’t make it a good idea.

  40. RoundUp contains compounds known to the state of California to cause cancer, PJM, I’m shocked that you were even able to buy it there.

  41. *invents Radium Caulk*

  42. Get the F off my lawn is a classic and deserves all the props. *

    * I don’t know what props really means

  43. I have been here with both chicken and goat manure

  44. yes pups back to flor-i- duh. My Bro and SIL are visiting my Niece in Kansas, so my first stop will be to visit them in Manhattan. Taking 70 to St Louis then a lot of sideways roads until I hit 75

  45. RoundUp contains compounds known to the state of California to cause cancer, PJM, I’m shocked that you were even able to buy it there.

    I kid you not, there’s a warning on almost EVERY item you purchase in California

  46. Is this vacation Vmax or permanenenent?

  47. Every molecule known to man causes cancer in the state of California. Prop 65 told me so. Do sheep just naturally migrate to coastal areas?

  48. It’s illegal to buy a husquevarna lawnmower in the state of California because of Prop 65. Lawnmowers cause cancer dontchaknow.

  49. My mom’s family moved here from the Ozarks in Missouri because she wanted her children to grow up classier than them other rednecks…nevermind that out here, they lived in the country (where I still reside), built a house with a wood-burning stove to cook on, had a clothesline for drying clothes, only wore overalls and drank from mason jars, raised hogs and other animals, would sit out on a chair all day and shoot any squirrels that tried to sabotage the garden…….and were just good old country folk.

  50. I kid you not, there’s a warning on almost EVERY item you purchase in California

    I know, it’s on half the shit I buy here at the hardware store.

  51. Is this vacation Vmax
    No work here in Colorado, for the past 4 months I have been looking nationwide and the only places hiring are Texas and Florida. After a dozen interviews my only offer was surprisingly in my home town of 40 years in Scarysota.

  52. if you are that allergic to corn pollen, I wouldn’t recommend hosing it down, I’d just not bother with it. Haven’t seen that strong a reaction, and being able to use corn products. Usually that means you avoid all corn.

    Tortillas, oil, mixed veggies, cornstarch, everything.

  53. npr.org/2020/08/06/899375561/biden-says-he-wouldnt-stand-in-the-way-of-a-trump-prosecution

    Joe Biden says that he believes prosecuting a former president would be a “very unusual thing and probably not very … good for democracy,” but he would not stand in the way of a future Justice Department pursuing criminal charges against President Trump after he leaves office.

  54. Soooo, our contractor’s employees have decided we’re clearly an empty construction site…we’ve been living in asbestos air for coming on 5 months now, they don’t bring their own water, our Sparkletts bill was $100 this month, cigarette butts and sparkletts coffee drinks all over the yard, soda cups, trash from OTHER people’s homes have been dumped in our side yard….was looking through someone’s family photos album just last night.. We got new mini split air conditioners, but have them covered because I don’t want them recycling asbestos. I got home from work yesterday and not only had they uncovered the air conditioners and used them, they didn’t bother turning them off when they were done.

    Last night, I set the temperature to 90 degrees, turned them off, put the remotes in my locked bedroom (cuz we have guns in there) and put the covers back on them. They can turn them back on, but w/out the remote, they cannot change the temperature.

    I cannot wait to see if the covers are off again when I get home
    freaking delicious

  55. So we’re down to declaring him Napoleon and then exiling him to Elba now?

    We really are re-running the French Revolution.

    St Louis, pray for us.

  56. Barron Bonaparte has a nice ring to it.

  57. I saw that story Alex but haven’t read it. The headline tells the story anyway. He’ll be investigated if he’s gone in 4 months or 4 years regardless so it’s not really news. Just surprised to hear it expressed so matter-of-factly. And it’s not like they haven’t been investigating him for the past 4-5 years anyway

  58. Iowa high school baseball season has ended (almost normally)

    How it’s done, people.

  59. First

  60. Iowa high school baseball season has ended (almost normally)
    And everyone died, right?

  61. !00% pjm. We’re just burning bodies now, no room to bury them.

  62. We’d have done that, Jay, but our LEOs mostly went along with Whitmer’s unlawful seizure of power, and the schools went all-in.

  63. I’m really jelly actually…Gavin is starting his freshman year and was all excited to join the football team (even though he’s suuuuper tiny and probably the smallest kid on the team and totally not fast and probably actually not very good, but the kid’s got heart) and now, nothing. No football.No any fall sports. School online.

  64. don’t worry, because the Iowa Dept of Karen is constantly bashing Reynolds for not locking down the state. Our gov is kinda like Noem in South Dakota.

  65. I just don’t understand the Michigan thing.

    Cases have plummeted and the death rate is essentially zero and has been for quite some time.

    Why the fuck are you guys putting up with this?

  66. Because we’re pussies?

  67. my brother was small when he started, was a freshman when I was a senior.

    One game, we were winning by a lot, and the freshmen got lots of playing time. My bro and his buddy (same size) played linebacker. Comment heard from the stands “Don’t hurt those little kids out there!”

  68. “Don’t hurt those little kids out there!”

    One time we showed up for a scrimmage in Oceanside (place where Junior Seau is from…..
    Gavin gets one look at the wall of ginormous Samoan kids and says

    I’m going to get killed today

  69. Why the fuck are you guys putting up with this?

    Same reason the Hoosiers are: mostly law-abiding people suffering under a wicked governor. Our legislature sued the bitch, but the (democrat) judge scheduled the hearing for next month. In May.

    The only thing left is the guillotine, and no one wants to go first.

  70. so, NY Attorney general is saying NRA misused funds. So what? It’s their funds, they didn’t get shit from NY

  71. Well, they do keep paying Wayne LaPierre, so the NY AG isn’t exactly wrong.

  72. So AFTER I decided to look for another storage place the joint I’d paid finally forwarded the email with the info I needed that they sent on the 2nd TO A MISSPELLED EMAIL ADDRESS.

    Geeniuses.

    Probably stick with it a couple of months until cashflow makes better an option.

    FML. Pray for oso. No $20.

  73. as unwise as it may be, NRA funds are theirs, and NY needs to keep their snout out of it.

  74. well, at least their reason is plausible, BroTim. Unprofessional as hell, but plausible.

  75. We’re not all really minding her. My gym is open and we don’t wear masks. But restaurants have the health department … so they have to follow the rules.

  76. Lowe’s is. Buying lumber online sucks.

  77. My bishop extended the dispensation from mass attendance to All Saints Day. No word yet on when or if mass will actually be mass again or just a bunch of masked strangers sitting far apart and taking communion on their way out the door.

    That last part I don’t mind so much, that’s how mass dismissal used to work, but I hate that it’s being forced.

  78. How on earth is YOUR gym open in Michigan and none of our gyms in California are open?

  79. Civil disobedience, PJ.

  80. Gavin has been living in that back storage room peeing in bucket at night for the last two months like I had to do when I was divorcing his dad (course I had to live like that for 3.5 years)…anyhoo
    This is because the contractor effed up his room, collapsed his entire sealing. His mattress and all his belongings are covered in the plaster asbestos…..looks like those buildings after 9/11..he screwed up, .BIG time
    He has been promising for the past 3 weeks he’d have a full crew here to fix his room because school is starting in 4 days. No one here Monday, No one Tuesday, nothing Wednesday, no one today
    Finally I sent him a message
    “You’re making nervous because there’s no “full crew” and you said the bath would be set on Monday. It’s set alright on its side”
    but I didn’t feel like it was enough
    so then…”Also abatement company said contractor could get in huge trouble having us live in this asbestos for so long. Is it your brother’s license you’re using?”

    Found out he lost his license (for Lord knows what) and he’s using his brother’s

    After that text….people showed up
    I feel like this

  81. Day 3 on generator power. I had to turn off one of the air conditioners to run the dishwasher, and Ill be cooking italian sausages and peppers on the backyard propane burner tonight. Which…I would have done anyway really.

    But still. No internet service.

    *gazes bravely into the middle distance, swirling a chilled glass of Portuguese vinho verde, also bravely*

  82. Not all the gyms are open. the ones who can get away with it are. We’ve gotten LOTS of new members. But it’s basically a FUCK you to Whitmer.

  83. Lauraw could write a book on “roughing it” for us all after this.

  84. I mean, being reduced to PHONE ONLY internet. Are you OK?

  85. Dang Laura…I do NOT wish what you have on anyone.. holy crap, do they have an estimate of when you’ll have service?
    And you’re definitely an example to the world of the importance of having a generator. What kind do you have?

  86. It’d be a darn shame if some mostly peaceful protesters showed up at the Ramona DA’s house at 2am. A real shame.

  87. *gazes bravely into the middle distance, swirling a chilled glass of Portuguese vinho verde, also bravely*

    Green wine? Like the good stuff from Romulus?

  88. I had to turn off one of the air conditioners to run the dishwasher, and Ill be cooking italian sausages and peppers on the backyard propane burner tonight. Which…I would have done anyway really.

    But still. No internet service.

    Like the Dark Ages.

    Thoughts and prayers. Thoughts and prayers.

  89. Found out he lost his license (for Lord knows what) and he’s using his brother’s

    Hmm, maybe disregarding jobs like this?

  90. LA Times is retconning the shit out of dropping nukes on Japan. Again. I’m not linking that crap. They didn’t surrender after the first bomb and attempted a coup to stop the surrender after the second one.

    I tell my kids you might not be here if we hadn’t dropped the bombs, your grandfather was going to be part of Operation Downfall, and I think we finally ran out of Purple Hearts from then.

  91. yep, lots of my family wouldn’t exist either, roamy. Grandpa was in Europe, and wasn’t scheduled for the Pacific, but who knows.

  92. FiL was on a troop ship headed for invasion of homeland when bombs dropped and japs surrendered. They were immediately retrained as occupation troops. He spent the last part of 45 as well as all of 46 and 47 in Japan. Somewhere I have a bolt action Japanese infantry rifle that he brought home with him and my wife inherited when he passed.

  93. My FIL got to meet the crew of the Enola Gay. He said he had their autographs on a photo, but I’ve never seen it. Might be in a box in the basement.

  94. Someone, somewhere, was going to be the first to die of a nuclear blast. Inevitable. The world was going to invent and use them eventually. Thank God it was us and the target was 1945 Japan.

    Looking at Hiroshima today, it’s time to nuke Detroit and Flint and get them going again.

  95. Detroit is doing very well right now, thank you very much. It’s an exciting and dynamic city.

  96. Hmm, maybe disregarding jobs like this?

    aaaaaaaaaaand there’s no drywallers there today. He lied to me…again

  97. Detroit is doing very well right now, thank you very much. It’s an exciting and dynamic city.

    Yannow, not sure how they’d screw you on say, back property taxes and whatnot, but all those homes selling for real low cheap?
    All us hostages could buy one and create a compound
    not commune
    compound

  98. Detroit is doing very well right now, thank you very much. It’s an exciting and dynamic city.

    Can we at least restart Devil’s Night to clear out some of the feral houses and meth labs?

  99. HAHAHAHAHA FUCK YOU GUYS!!
    The construction workers that are there working on something other than Gavin’s room…have uncovered his air conditioner hoping to enjoy it..SUCK IT YOU GET 90 DEGREES BITCHES

  100. A compound with subterranean connector tunnels and interlocking fields of fire might convince me.

    Wait, Detroit?

    Nah

  101. I’ve considered creating a tunnel between my basements, but it would have to run under the driveway that occasionally supports extremely heavy equipment.

  102. Can the acronym for Hostage compound be HOT SALTY BALLS?

    I tried to think one up but got stuck halfway through salty. Hotspur always gets stuck on the balls but that’s his choice.

  103. Comment by pajama momma on August 6, 2020 2:56 pm

    aaaaaaaaaaand there’s no drywallers there today. He lied to me…again

    ====

    Tell them you have meth. Sheetrockers and concrete guys will flock to the job….

  104. Leon, how can any church rationalize wearing masks, not offering Mass, etc., when the church in Wisconsin has never shut down, never worn masks and the priest distributes Communion on the tongue?

    No Covid outbreak.

  105. Young Original Unincorporated Reserve – Metro Outpost Mission

  106. Because the bishops of Indiana are mewling quims, Mare, just like their “Republican” governor.

  107. I like the way bro tim thinks.

  108. https://tinyurl.com/yxkwox4w

  109. At least they aren’t making me go to their faithless masses.

  110. The whole fucking church is full of mewling quims. Just look at the dick of a pope.

  111. I saw the Mewling Quims open for Tonsillitis Johnson at The Hawt Spawt back in 08.

  112. Go to DonaldJTrump(.)com type in a / and some gibberish, then hit enter.

    Example:

    “donaldjtrump.com/llifjdkasl”

  113. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r8zHOhOErUQ&feature=emb_title

    He’s fine. Nothing to see here.

  114. We could have our own church. Underground.

  115. Biden is vapid.

  116. pupster’s giving all the squeeeeeeeeeee links this morning

    https://tinyurl.com/y26frdvz

  117. https://tinyurl.com/y3grenaj

  118. https://tinyurl.com/y2wuvslw

  119. Yesterday Anita finally went in for her *months delayed* CT scan of lungs. They started an IV so they could inject contrast media and told her it would three passes;
    One without anything,
    one with contrast,
    and one with nitro under her tongue.

    They did the first one.
    The radiologist called in and said;
    “I’ve seen enough. Send her home.”

    No contrast, no nitro.
    We have no idea WTF that means…

  120. Of the two alternatives I will hope it was so stone cold normal that he didn’t want to zap her with that much more radiation, expose her to IV contrast, take the time to read two more protocols and finally free up the scanner for other patients

  121. That’s what I ‘m hoping for too

  122. We just got 800 gallons of propane @ 0.93/gal.
    Not too bad…

  123. https://tinyurl.com/yy6bwlmj

  124. Michael’s sixth grade play.

  125. Are you sure it’s propane?

  126. You guys ready for a laugh? They “Fixed” Gavin’s roof…he had an intact roof before they started on his room, something happened and half the ceiling came down…this is now Gavin’s ceiling
    https://thehostages.files.wordpress.com/2020/08/ceiling-2.jpg?resize=219%2C219

    https://thehostages.files.wordpress.com/2020/08/ceiling1.jpg?resize=219%2C219

  127. “I’ve seen enough. Send her home.”
    I’m hoping for normal too

  128. heh, nice batman tie in HS

  129. Gavin’s ceiling

    https://www.dictionary.com/e/jury-rigged-vs-jerry-rigged/

  130. Some of you who are on Facedouche already know, but we had to say goodbye to Riley today. He had a health scare back around Christmas, and I thought we were going to lose him then, but he pulled through. But he was coming up on fifteen years old, and he had really slowed down. He had been blind and deaf for a while. His back legs had gotten weaker, and he started getting disoriented–we recently found out it was likely vertigo, caused by his chronic ear infections.

    Earlier this week, he started getting shaky and more or less lost his appetite, so my mom and my brother took him to the vet. They did a scan and found two large masses on his spleen, which were likely malignant tumors. The vet said we could go ahead with surgery and chemo and maybe get six more months with him, but we decided we didn’t want to put him through that. We took him in to have him put to sleep at 11:00 this morning. It was the right thing to do, but it hurts.

    He was the best little fella, and I know you guys all loved him. Thank you for all the scritches you’ve sent his way from afar all these years.

    https://is.gd/hvtZZG

    https://is.gd/jvl0mp

  131. Bro hug for you Sean. Always rough

  132. Oooh Sean!!! I’m so sorry. That’s tough!! Oh my heart hurts for you

  133. My condolences, Sean.

    He was the goodest boy.

  134. Had to do that for a cat, Neesa. Just too sick to go on without suffering. I think she appreciated me being with her at the end. Riley appreciated you too, Sean.

  135. know what’s good about living in a state that isn’t totally locked down? Since we have high school football in the fall, high rated recruits from other states are moving here to play. Just got another QB from CO.

  136. know what’s good about living in a state that isn’t totally locked down?

    sooo jelly, sooo so
    soooooo
    so so so so so so very
    jelly

  137. So sorry, Sean.

  138. So sorry, Sean. You did the right thing, I pray your memories of better times are a comfort now.

  139. That is hard Sean, I wish they lived longer. You have my condolences.

  140. (((HUGS))), Sean.

  141. Sean,
    Really sorry. It’s so hard to lose our furry friends.
    We have them for only a short time.
    They have us for their whole lives…

  142. That’s sad to hear, Sean, but it seems like you averted a lot of suffering.

    I fear our black lab, iPod, is not far behind. 13 1/2, deaf, partial paralysis in the hindquarters…

  143. {{{hugs}}} Sean.

    Riley was a very good boy. 😥😪

  144. Rebecca’s school starts back on August 18th.

    If a bunch of kids with Down syndrome and their teachers can do it, then so can everyone else.

  145. I fear our black lab, iPod, is not far behind. 13 1/2, deaf, partial paralysis in the hindquarters…

    argh..damn it! This is why I don’t want animals.

  146. What are the requirements, if any, will they have TiFW?

  147. They will wash their hands, do some amount of social distancing, wear masks. Some of the kids may not show up, but do online stuff.

    We’ll see how it goes. Rebecca has always been pretty healthy, so we’re not all that worried.

  148. But, Lord, DD#1 and her husband are losing their shit over all of this stuff. SIL has asthma, so I guess he has good reason, but they are taking it to the extreme!

  149. I’m sure Rebecca will enjoy being back with her friends…I know my kids are missing it…except Garren, he’s just been PC gaming with his nerd friends the ENTIRE time

  150. Rebecca is gonna HATE having to get up in the morning and go to bed at a decent hour! But she will enjoy seeing her “husband”, Joey, again (he doesn’t have a clue that he is her husband, BTW!).

  151. Doggy eternity–Riley’s paradise.


Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.

Comments RSS