Mah Memes

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

136 Comments

  1. You always do us proud Pupster.

    I loved them all. Both quarantine memes…those are hilarious AND timely.

  2. Comment by beasn on July 10, 2020 10:15 pm

    Bratz

    https://tinyurl.com/y89yeoqe
    ——-
    So true!

  3. Extra punny today, all good

    Did not quite understand the correlation of the recycling bins other than a vag-shaped insertion point and a oral/anal-shaped insertion point

  4. My girls on Bratz: They look mean.

  5. My policy on sexual memes I’m not sure I understand? Scroll quickly past them so I don’t think about them enough to figure them out and then be disappointed in people in general.

    I often fail.

  6. Absolutely pouring outside with Florida style humidity out there. We’ve had a lot of rain in the last week or two after a small drought. This is good but it’s correlated with me having shit to do and neglecting the lawn mowing. When I looked out at the back lawn this morning some of the grass/weeds have formed seed heads in just a couple of weeks.

    Maybe tomorrow …

  7. *starts mission to distribute Pocket Bibles*

  8. ^^^ha!

  9. young and tight = “I want to find myself”
    Old, used, and stretched out = “I’m ready to settle down”

  10. young and tight = “I want to find myself”
    Old, used, and stretched out = “I’m ready to settle down”
    —-
    I briefly contemplated that meaning but, like reading a fortune cookie after a couple of mai tai’s, wanted its message to be more profound than it appeared to be on the surface

  11. Not the dog park
    Stick figures
    Dear God
    Short girls

  12. The Dr. Zeuss one reminded me that one of my great-nephews has a new stupid hairstyle that is worse than a man bun, it’s a short ponytail thing on the top of his head, and he looks like a Dr. Seuss animal.

    Kinda like this one.
    https://seuss.fandom.com/wiki/Tizzle-Top-Tufted_Mazurka

  13. Neighbor over the quarantine is my favorite, though.

  14. I don’t think I’ve ever bought Goya foods before (not a big Messican food fan), but now I’m going to. What’s good?

  15. I used to buy their black beans fairly regularly when I lived in CA.

  16. Pintos are pretty good too, and their chipotles in adobo.

  17. Goya strawberry nectar is really good with vodka.

  18. Yeah, their beans are better quality than store brand, kind of like Progresso. Scott likes their strawberry nectar. Houseguest uses their seasoning mixes, adobo etc.

  19. lol

  20. I thought Goya was a jewish thing.

  21. All good ones, today.
    Special awards to quarantine one, pocket Bible, and cinnamon roll.

  22. What did the CEO of Goya say that pissed off the bitches? I’d search for it myself but then I’d fall down the rabbit hole and come out pissed. I don’t want to be pissed today.

  23. Love how the whole furor is bitchy mean girl shit, instead of ANY discussion on the merits of whatever the policy is that they are implementing. We don’t know the fucking first thing about the reason for the visit or what the government is actually doing, but we know the mean girls are pissed off because Mr Goya CEO behaved decently to Trump, which is not allowed because WE HATE HIM WE HATE HIM SCREEEEEECH

  24. In local news, the city’s circuit atty, Soros hack, Kim Gardner had McCloskey’s AR confiscated. WTF? Hope he sues the ever living FUK out of the city. That bitch has to go. Don’t think the state’s AG is going to tolerate her bullshit. He brought up Castle Doctrine. In MO, someone threatens you on your property, you have the right to defend yourself. Full stop.

  25. Anyone ever tried their strawberry nectar?

  26. Going after that guy while turning a blind eye to the city’s astronomical homicide rate because ‘we don’t pick on black mens’.

  27. As a palate cleanser, enjoy. Even though it’s faceass, it’s a public poat and you should be able to see it. Troll level – ELEVENTY!!

  28. Just got a Linkedin connect request from Steve Kuntz in Austin. Do I want to be connected with a Kuntz?

  29. Give my best to Mike

  30. wakey wakey

  31. How can a person merely SOUND so gay?

  32. It was very enjoyable. That white lesbian was having fun.

  33. IKR? That was too funny. Gay dude couldn’t respond.

  34. I see this shithole is still stumbling along like your mom coming home from her afternoon shift working the local gloryhole…

  35. Mom?

  36. How the hell are you wiser and who gave you permission to quit us?

  37. I see this shithole is still stumbling along like your mom coming home from her afternoon shift working the local gloryhole…

    Clean up on aisle 4

  38. My mom doesntwork afternoons, that’s for scrubs. My mom works nights.

    I’ll have over 80hrs for the week by the end of the day.

  39. Goya CEO is kind of a badass though
    “I’m not apologizing,” he told Fox News. “When you’re called by the president of the United States, you’re going to say, ‘No, I’m sorry, I’m busy, no thank you?’ I didn’t say that to the Obamas and I didn’t say that to President Trump.”

  40. >>>> How the hell are you wiser and who gave you permission to quit us?

    Living the dream, beasn. Living the dream.

    Gotta be honest, I really thought that by hosting a talk show, I would engage in interesting and intelligent conversations, but every single time I go to the phones, I am reminded that there’s a whoooooole lot of reeeeeally stupid people in the world.

    Of course, having met most of you all in person, I really should not have been all that surprised.

  41. >>> My mom doesntwork afternoons, that’s for scrubs. My mom works nights.

    I guess being toothless would get you the better shifts…

  42. Gotta be honest, I really thought that by hosting a talk show, I would engage in interesting and intelligent conversations, but every single time I go to the phones, I am reminded that there’s a whoooooole lot of reeeeeally stupid people in the world.

    hhmmm, you want stupid? I’ll give you stupid! I think it’s time for a hostages call-in night.
    Showed you, wiserbud
    *sits back all smug*

  43. In order of appearance (‘cuz I’m all OCD and shit):

    Dear God
    Pancake syrup
    Neighbor is over quarantine
    Short women (I is one)
    Carpool Tunnel Syndrome
    Dirty Harry Potter

    My faves, but they are ALL good!

  44. And I never actually officially “quit” you. That would require a long, angry, ranting incoherent screed explaining why I was quitting and who’s to blame.

    Haven’t you read the Terms of Service?

    https://tinyurl.com/yblqor3g

  45. …every single time I go to the phones, I am reminded that there’s a whoooooole lot of reeeeeally stupid people in the world.

    Well, like George Carlin said, only half of the people out there are on the high side of the 100 score on the IQ curve.

  46. To wiserbud, with love, Peej

  47. >>> hhmmm, you want stupid? I’ll give you stupid! I think it’s time for a hostages call-in night.
    Showed you, wiserbud
    *sits back all smug*

    https://tinyurl.com/ycryygx7

  48. I’m so glad that Peej and Wiserbud are here – it’s l like we’re getting the band back together!

  49. >>> Well, like George Carlin said, only half of the people out there are on the high side of the 100 score on the IQ curve.

    I have literally called some callers stupid to their face on the air and they call back the ne t day with more. It’s so bizarre

  50. Masochists are a thing.

  51. >>> it’s l like we’re getting the band back together!

    Or, it’s like that reunion tour that the tired old forgotten band does for that one final paycheck before they slip back into oblivion.

  52. >>> Masochists are a thing.

    I said to one caller recently look, I’ve tried to explain to you as slowly as I can and with the smallest words I can think of and you still don’t get it. So I’m not going to waste anymore time on you.”

    Called back the next day.

  53. Dude! What are you doing next weekend? If you have no plans let’s do something.

  54. >>> Dude! What are you doing next weekend? If you have no plans let’s do something.

    No plans! Let’s do this! I’ll pick up the Goya strawberry nectar.

  55. Scott and I did a job yesterday for one of the stupidest people either of us could remember meeting in a long long time. I hope this fulfills our quota for a while.

    Afterward Scott said to me, “I bet she works for the government.” He had to go back there and talk to her for a while and yep, she’s a federal employee.

    Here’s a glimpse of the experience: She kept telling us to keep the door shut in order to preserve the air conditioning.

    We were literally moving furniture and enormous boxes out of her home. How the FUCK does she think that doesn’t involve a frequently opened door? And yet, she kept harping at us about this. This isn’t Star Trek. We can’t fucking beam shit through the wall.

  56. Dude! What are you doing next weekend? If you have no plans let’s do something.
    What about me? I WANNA GO!!!!!!!!!

  57. Here’s a glimpse of the experience: She kept telling us to keep the door shut in order to preserve the air conditioning.
    How do you even respond to that? Or do you just bite your tongue and convince yourself not to kill her and put her in one of the boxes

  58. >>>> What about me? I WANNA GO!!!!!!!!!

    I knew that checking back in here was a mistake. 😔

  59. After a couple of exchanges with her in which I ascertained her brain situation, I just stopped responding. She was not showing any evidence that she was absorbing any of my rock-solid observations of physical reality.

  60. Regular caller is a black guy who says the stupidest shit imaginable.

    Someone decapitated a statue of Christopher Columbus in town and he called me to tell me that it was obviously a white person who did that, because black people don’t do things like vandalism and looting.

    All I could say, after a short pause, was “….ok…. thanks for the call.” *click*

  61. Best part is, he and his idiot friends are all over Facebook saying this same stupid shit. “Why won’t they release a picture of the guy? You know If it was a black guy, they would have. And we’re supposed to believe that this guy with a white name is black?”

    I have it on extremely good authority that they guy they are looking for is not white. And I’m laughing my ass off watching these fools dig themselves deeper and deeper into their hole.

    😂😂😂

  62. What is a white guy name? Steven Smith?

  63. I knew that checking back in here was a mistake

    So that’s a yes? I’m invited?

  64. >>>> Biden proclaims the ‘European’ identity of America: “Our culture is not imported from some African nation.” pic.twitter.com/mG1ys8fzWB

    Ooooooooo boy…. this is it! No way Biden survives this one…..

    🙄

  65. The TiFW family metric for stupid is the one that we all fondly remember as “Burger King Boy (at the drive-thru)”.

    We had spent a fun, but hot, day at Six Flags. Next door neighbor was with us. We were all tired and hungry.

    He would ask us what we wanted to drink as we ordered each meal, then would say, “Just a minute” as he went to make each drink. Then he would come back and say, “Is that all you want?”. Nope, next item.

    We told him we wanted mayonnaise on the side – he said he didn’t know how to do that. Same for ketchup and mustard.

    We told him that we wanted a kids meal with a hamburger – he told us they didn’t have hamburger kids meals. We reminded him that he worked at the BURGER King.

    We finally get the order completed, pull around to the window, and the kid had gotten Every.Single.Drink wrong – the ones that he had made separately as we ordered them.

    He still didn’t know how to do ketchup, mayo, and mustard on the side. We suggested that perhaps they had individual packets of each one that he could put in the bag.

    He took our money, gave us our receipt, and asked us to pull into the parking lot to wait for our order to come out. Fair enough, we had ordered 6 different meal combos.

    5 minutes pass. I call the number on the receipt. Order will be right out.

    5 more minutes pass. Call. Order will be right out.

    5 MORE minutes pass. Mom (me) is about ready to kill some kids who insisted that we HAD to go to Burger King because they had the dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets, and this was Fall Break and we were having a staycation this year because we only got 2 days off this year, but next year they were getting a week so we postponed the Disney trip until next year, we’re supposed to be having fun like a real vacation, so Mom (me) had to be nice.

    Order is delivered to the car. Nothing is right. Mom (me) gets out of the van and goes inside the restaurant.

    There are TONS of unhappy customers in the restaurant. Apparently Burger King Boy has messed up a lot of orders.

    Unbeknownst to Mom, one of the TiFW spawn needed to go to the bathroom, along with our guest. Mr. TiFW tells them to go on, but not to let Mom see them, because he has a feeling that “When Mom comes back to the car, she is liable to have that boy’s head in one of the bags”. The spawn and guest made it back to the car unseen by Mom.

    30 minutes after we placed our order, we got the right items (along with a few free desserts from a very frazzled manager), and went home.

    From that day forward, Burger King Boy – he of the “we don’t have kids hamburger meals” – has been forever enshrined in TiFW family lore.

    Lo, these many years (20?), his record has never been in jeopardy – he is still the standard by which all other incompetence is measured.

    Thankfully, no one has ever come close.

  66. Oh, and it cost more than $20.

  67. Is this “right-wing” outreach?

  68. >>> Thankfully, no one has ever come close.

    I was not aware that Sen. Chris Murphy worked at a Burger King. Interesting.

  69. >>>> Is this “right-wing” outreach?

    Actually, I was hoping I could speak to you about Armageddon, if you have a few moments. I also have a few pamphlets that I’d like to leave with you, if I may…..

  70. I’m already a subscriber, Wiser. I get “End Times” every month. There was a SMOD centerfold in May that was to die for.

  71. Sadly, I don’t think he was ever going to improve at his job. There was never a “light bulb” moment when we could see him thinking to himself, “I will remember to do this/not do this next time!”.

    Nope. We could tell that the elevator wasn’t ever going to go all the way to the top.

  72. DANGER DANGER – BIDEN IS GOING OFF SCRIPT.

    He’s going to be stuffed back into the basement.

  73. >>> There was a SMOD centerfold in May that was to die for.

    Don’t tease me…..

  74. I missed the timing on that video. Is it Dementia Joe or “Supposedly Lucid” Joe? Not that it matters much because it’ll be buried by the media.

  75. DANGER DANGER – BIDEN IS GOING OFF SCRIPT.

    Remember when Obama left the White House to interact with the great unwashed masses of the little people?

    “The Bear is loose”

    “Just call me The Bear”

    “The Bear is on the prowl”

    https://tinyurl.com/yc6d65xm

    https://tinyurl.com/yddqweyt

  76. >>> Remember when Obama left the White House to interact with the great unwashed masses of the little people?

    Remember all the photoshops I did of Obama in a little bear costume in different situations?

  77. I had to google SMOD
    Apparently it’s Staff Member on Duty. I can see how that would excite you dorks

  78. You need to do that with Biden, but some really ridiculous animal.

    Maybe that dead raccoon with the “Get Well” balloon.

    “The ‘coon is on the loose!”

    It will endear him to his BLM base.

  79. haha we need the bear back

  80. no way peej doesn’t know smod. not taking that bait

  81. Surface Mine Oversight Detector?

  82. From that day forward, Burger King Boy – he of the “we don’t have kids hamburger meals” – has been forever enshrined in TiFW family lore.

    That’s actually pretty bad haha
    I ordered a diet dr. pepper no ice at carl’s junior the other day…that’s it, no food..just a diet dr pepper no ice
    they screwed it up twice

  83. who’s the new guy with all the bullwhips?

  84. How does Peej not know of our lord and savior the Sweet Meteor of Death?

  85. Fuck off, Wiser.

    Good to see you wiserbud.

  86. I was not aware that Sen. Chris Murphy worked at a Burger King. Interesting.

    ——-

    He is spectacularly stupid.

  87. >>> Fuck off, Wiser.

    I agree! Fuck right the fuck off, wanker!

    There. That ought to keep this place safe for the garden club meetings.

  88. I don’t know anything. I’m very sweet and innocent

  89. >>> who’s the new guy with all the bullwhips?

    I remember when I joined Twitter thinking “he’ll, I’ve been a Hostage for years? Just how bad can twitter be?“

    Hoooo boy……

  90. >>> https://tinyurl.com/Dear-Leon-Donotwatchthis

    Dayum, that guy is really strong….

  91. >>>> I don’t know anything. I’m very sweet and innocent

    I believe precisely one of these statements.

  92. I believe precisely one of these statements.

    All our nothing, baby! Go big or go home!

  93. Fuuuuu
    *all OR

  94. >>> All our nothing, baby!

    Clue #1 as to which of those statements is the accurate one.

  95. Don’t you need to go have stupid people call into your show?

  96. >>> Don’t you need to go have stupid people call into your show?

    Do you need the number again? Perhaps you should write It down this time.

  97. You didn’t pay me last time I called in. I’m not gonna give you an audience for free.
    Find another sucker!

  98. >>> I’m not gonna give you an audience for free.

    Can you just imagine what our conversations would be like???

    🤣😂🤣😂

  99. https://tinyurl.com/Dear-Leon-Donotwatchthis

    Dude on the bench won’t be able to stand up for a while. I can relate.

  100. New machete is the bizz0mb. Also managed to sledgehammer some of the old tractor bits out of the tree.

    I still have no idea what the former owners were thinking leaving it there. The time to solve this problem was 50 years ago, based on the rings in the stump.

  101. Oooh, I’m calling

  102. https://tinyurl.com/yd7ex7up

  103. Peej?

    https://tinyurl.com/ya5tho92

  104. yannow pepe!! I’m sick of all the judgement around here.
    Money is money!!

  105. also, twenty bucks is twenty bucks
    am I right, or am I right?

  106. Now that the band is back together, what song are we going to cover?

  107. I’m thinking something from The Carpenters

  108. This one

  109. Or

  110. YouTube

  111. Just filled my third storage unit.

    It’s going to be a crazy month.

  112. Hoarding has resumed. Our steel is emptying out. We’re getting another bonus. It will be crazy until 11/3.

  113. Ran into my school bus driving friend. The extra unemployment runs out on 7/17. Out of work for 5 months. Owner of bus company paid them until end of calendar school year. She doesn’t know when they’re going back to work.

  114. https://tinyurl.com/Dear-Leon-Donotwatchthis

    Damn, that is almost erotic. Such strength and control!

  115. Meanwhile Sweden – which just advised caution and made polite suggestions to citizens rather than imprisoning them – has a death rate near 0.

    But they don’t have a party hell-bent on using a bad cold to win an election.

  116. https://tinyurl.com/y9ov29j2

  117. Damn, that is almost erotic. Such strength and control!
    I can do that, I just don’t like to show off

  118. Damn, that is almost erotic. Such strength and control!

    Almost!? Do not insult my new queen.

  119. Did someone say Queen?

  120. Apologies to Her Highness!

  121. Much better post above ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

  122. Her Thighness.

  123. >>>> Her Thighness

    I both love and hate Scott for coming up with this.

  124. Her Thighness
    I cannot find a gif for that
    Sad
    Also, New poat

  125. Her Poatness^^^^^^^^

  126. Welp! I guess I’m the session guy who worked on a couple of items, then got hired formally into the band just before the tour, only to get let go when the drugged-out founding member emerged from rehab and decided it would be soooooo great to get back with the gang, after it’s been just long enough for everyone to forget exactly why everybody hated each others’ guts, leading to…actually I’m not really sure where I’m going with this.


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