Eighteen Memes and a Dozen Roses

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off, he asked what she’d like as a gift. “I’d like to be eight again,” she replied, still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her birthday, he rose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald’s where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, with popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&Ms. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed, exhausted.
He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, “Well dear, what was it like being eight again?”
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.
“I meant my dress size, you idiot!!!!”
The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.

165 Comments

  1. https://tinyurl.com/yc5h3lfn

  2. https://tinyurl.com/ydxoykeo

  3. ” Have you seen my meme page?”

    lol

  4. wakey wakey

  5. Carin, when do you start working?

  6. Friday

  7. I think I have some bs meeting tomorrow. ugh. I hate meetings. Just send me a bullet point memo

  8. You’re going to be smelling your ass breath all night.

    Try to lay off the buttholes that afternoon.

  9. Meetings are necessary so we can talk about why so little is getting done because we’re in meetings all the time.

  10. Haven’t seen xbrad on twitter, has anyone seen him on facebook?

  11. Its been warm here lately, but got down to 36 this morning. Brisk.

  12. NARRATOR: It wasn’t chicken.

  13. Love Kathy Mattea.

  14. Mare check your Reagan mail.

  15. What the eff is up with the hot dog/ice cube/cheese/white bread combo?

    Otherwise excellent memes MJ, always enjoy reading your posts

  16. I am inexplicably flatulent today. A real frigging mystery. Cannot connect it to any known dietary changes.

  17. Uh, am I missing a joke? Jay is the listed poat author.

  18. Going in to the office/lab for the first time since March 13. ‘Bout damn time.

  19. Oh, Jay must have let Pupster use his login today.

  20. jimbro, chili cheese dog

    hotspur was laughing too hard to respond to his post

  21. MJ, because I’m technically, mentally deficient, I can’t send outgoing mail to certain accounts.

    But just let me say this: Laughed my ass off. You’re a blessed man.

  22. haven’t seen xbrad on FB, but he might be visiting relatives

  23. Thanks Jay. All it needed was a “Follow Me For More Recipes” tag

  24. George Floyd-19’s having a longer funeral than McCain

  25. Can’t get away from the Floyd crap. My MIL is also complaining she’s sick of the name ‘Floyd’. She just wants to watch her shows.
    I’ve only been watching LAFF teevee (antennae) and BLM f*cks have bought ads, the fu? Got a smart tv, so I watch my Korean youtubers and some kpop stuff…to try to keep my building waves of anxiety down…and it’s even infected that. No, KPOP should not care about anarcho-commie dirtbags that are BLM who give zero shit about cleaning up the crime infested communities that is there own.

    BAHH. Gonna clean toilets today, after filling out new patient papers for tomorrow, and clear stuff away from windows upstairs as Mr. B. made an appt with window guys later this week.

    He also got a $4300 quote to take out a pear tree, a maple sitting on a wire, and a huge 50 yr old elm (think it’s an elm) that has tore up the driveway, at the rental. Stump grinding included. That may or may not happen this weekend. Will definitely have to find another couple of trees to plant over there. The big tree really helped keep the house cool.

  26. Well, we’re around to renaming army bases.

    Ft Benning and Ft Bragg, labeled as traitors.

    We might have to just swallow our pride and allow these changes. Also, allow the removal of statues. This is only going to cause additional strife, and we are going to have to give up on something.

  27. Washington statues and monuments first. Then we go through the presidents and public figures in chronological order until everything that isn’t up to current radical left standards are gone.

  28. Or maybe start with Obama and cleanse backward?

  29. Well, we’re around to renaming army bases.

    Ft Benning and Ft Bragg, labeled as traitors.

    We might have to just swallow our pride and allow these changes. Also, allow the removal of statues. This is only going to cause additional strife, and we are going to have to give up on something.

    Fuck that. This isn’t about slavery or history, it’s about the raw exercise of power. Fuck the SJWs pushing this.

  30. Unpossible, 0bama is the beginning of history.

  31. My colon feels cleansed after I make an Obama in the morning

  32. Crazy Horse killed black people, can we tear down statues of him too?

  33. I get it, but it isn’t the SJWs alone any more. They have army leaders on their side. Is it time for us to give a little?

  34. Jay, I’d bodily defend a statue of Jefferson Davis at this point, on principle.

  35. Is it time for us to give a little?
    ———————-
    It’s a good question.

    But I doubt it’ll ever stop. Virtuous power is the end goal not the name of a building or removal of a statue.

  36. SJW army leaders. The Obama officers, many of ’em. That’s just a sign we really need to clean house.

    I’ll yield on this when they banish Malcolm X and the like to the cornfield. Until then, the proper response is, “Would you kindly fuck off?”

  37. It’s always about power.

    The nihilists want to revel in the power to destroy indiscriminately.
    The bullies want the power to humiliate others, to make them feel weak and inferior.
    The activists want to show that they have power over the mob, and use it as a form of social positioning.

  38. can’t take anymore Floyd funeral coverage.

  39. But I doubt it’ll ever stop. Virtuous power is the end goal not the name of a building or removal of a statue.
    ————
    United States of Wakanda!

  40. Virtuous power is the end goal not the name of a building or removal of a statue.

    It appears to me that we aren’t going to be able to sell this. We don’t have the media, we don’t have the message, or ability to sell it. Army appears to be on their side.

    For our own sanity, we will have to give in. It’s impossible to fight this on all fronts.

    Plus, the people (not the SJWs, the actual people behind the scenes) kind of have reason to want this. When they were named, the rules were different, and they weren’t considered.

  41. Ah, Wakanda, the fascist, feudal ethnostate governed by an African Hitler. Cool setting, Marvel.

  42. If Wakandans were white it would be an alt-right fantasy.

  43. For our own sanity, we will have to give in. It’s impossible to fight this on all fronts.

    This is The Hill. If they take this hill, they won’t stop until non-leftist white people are exterminated or permanent second-class citizens under force of law. I will die on my feet before I live on my knees.

  44. My point is this hill isn’t worth what some other hill is. The facts of black being killed by police being inflated being one of them. If we give on one, it doesn’t mean we give on all.

  45. Just paint the statues black.

  46. But it does. This is the coconut shrimp appetizer. They get this, they don’t stop, they get hungrier. They’ll drink the whole bar and eat out every scrap of prime rib and then skip out on the check.

  47. Besides, “The Hill” you’re looking for was yielded years ago.

  48. I dunno.

    Let’s steel man Jay’s argument.

  49. 1. Who cares what a military base is named?
    2. The army is willing to do it so why not go along with them on this?
    3. Some people really believe this is the right thing to do.
    4. They’ll stop at the bases and statues. Especially in the South. Once that’s done its over.

  50. Jay’s argument is basically what the Dem congress sold Reagan on WRT to the ’86 Amnesty, after which 20+ Million more illegals came in from Mexico.

    Erasing history never ends well, if only because it leaves you unprepared for the rhymes.

  51. Selfridge ANGB is named after an overweight, blowhard general who insisted on a ride on one of the early Wright flyers — over the objections of both brothers — causing it to crash, injuring Orville and fatally injuring the general.

    Naming an air base after him is a way of honoring that memory.

  52. 1. Who cares what a military base is named?

    Many of the locals, since bases are usually named after local figures. This is an attempt to insult them.

    2. The army is willing to do it so why not go along with them on this?

    The Army will go along with it because they have to go along with it. If the President wanted to rename a base “Fort Fuzzy-Wuzzy Bear” they might gripe in private but they aren’t going to start a fight by publicly opposing it.

    3. Some people really believe this is the right thing to do.

    People believe a lot of things. That doesn’t make them right.

    4. They’ll stop at the bases and statues. Especially in the South. Once that’s done its over.

    No they won’t. Every time they get a victory, they learn that they can continue to push for more. Again, this isn’t about the statues, it’s about the power that the activists feel every time they get their way.

  53. https://pjmedia.com/news-and-politics/bryan-preston/2020/06/08/get-gandhi-n508778

    It’s not about racism. This is a global communist movement aimed at destabilizing all the things to create a Year 0. Gotta clear the slate for Julian Felsenburgh.

  54. Let them take whatever they want. They’re going to anyway.

    The politicians are willing to defund the police. Fine.

    There isn’t anything short of assembling an armed militia that is going to matter. When it comes to that, I’ll stand with the militia. In the meantime, I’m not going to provoke anyone burning my house down and knifing me.

  55. Heh. Guess I’m in that odd position of not having much to lose, then. Simplifies decision making, if nothing else.

  56. Hotspur knows what time it is.

  57. Time to organize a militia?

  58. “After Panel Approves Language”

    So “Ditch the bitch?” passed constitutional muster?

  59. Sadly no. Based Chad (aka Chad Baase) had to reword it slightly.

  60. “Punt the Cunt?”

  61. “Trash the Gash?”

    I’m watching the Senate Ed committee meeting and the current witness is chubby, but a bit low cut dress. Thank heaven for warm summer days.

  62. “a bit milfy in a low cut dress”

  63. Between this and the MI SC borderline calling her hysterical, she’s having a bad week. I hope she has 10,000 more of them, each worse than the last.

  64. Also, I recognize the girl sitting in the front row of the audience as one of the members of my tango class.

  65. We took Possum to Lake Michigan yesterday for the first time. She played with a little black girl and no social distance was enforced. It was almost like we were in America.

  66. So what do they want to call the bases, Fort Floyd and Fort Lightbringer Thy Name is Barry?

  67. It’s part of erasing history. Once they are gone, it never happened. He who controls the past, controls the future…

  68. The Cambodians gave in one time too many. 4 million of them marched into the jungle and were murdered.

    There is a author named Matt Bracken who has written some fiction on what a SJW controlled America looks like.

    I bow to no man
    I refuse to participate in lies
    The Emperor has no clothes

    SAT CONG

  69. The reason they want the statues etc removed is because they believe these things are relics of, or celebrations of America’s deep-rooted evil beginnings and that nobody should be reminded of that time or be allowed to celebrate or appreciate any part of it. It is tainted. We can’t move forward until we force people to let go of the Bad Past.

    Yes, they are emotionally unhinged children.

  70. I read the Enemies Trilogy by Matt Bracken at your recommendation. I heartily endorse it too. There are a lot of parallels to what’s going on now.

  71. Read a story linked on Instapundit about how Trump Saved DC and someone / some group defaced a statue of Admiral Farragut with “Put MLK Here”. You know, the same MLK with statues, squares, Avenues and festivals named after him across America versus the only Farragut statue around.

    Never thought about it but MLK statues and shit are everywhere, aren’t they? White guilt

  72. May a million statues of Anthony Fauci rise in our nation!

    HAIL FAUCI !!!

  73. Never thought about it but MLK statues and shit are everywhere, aren’t they? White guilt

    You don’t get risk getting shot on Farragut Avenue.

  74. Ugh, now some ACLU douchebag is explaining why it’s not actually a violation of the First Amendment to ban kids from expressing their religious beliefs in school.

  75. Wat?

  76. As any constitutional scholar can tell you, the First Amendment guarantees freedom from religion. It also mandates a separation of church and state.

  77. Anything good happen to any of you today? Looking for some good news and happy vibes. The world is drowning in negativity and it is killing me. I’m just not made this way.

  78. Mrs. Oriole found my birdbath today. 😀

  79. Good: My mom is visiting from Tucson to play with her great grand-baby. She’s 84 and still in good shape. Baby hasn’t thrown up on her yet….

  80. I had lunch with your mom.

  81. Lots of rain today, clearing the pollen out of the air. Also turning the back parking lot into a pond, but after ten years I’m kinda used to that.

  82. I had your mom for lunch. A bit vinegary for my taste, though.

  83. Hey Laura. Yeah, I’ve been thinking the same thing lately and wanted to put up some happy comments.

    Here are some fun things that happened today:

    I fell back asleep after being awake for about 90 min early this morning. Still got up at 6:20 but the recaptured hour of sleep was pretty awesome.

    I made two eggs for BOWL OF DOOM this morning and they came out perfect. I like over easy with the yolk slightly runny. Man, that was good.

    Work was easy all morning and because its Tuesday I have the entire afternoon off to play with lil man. No childcare on Tuesdays so I split the day with GND. She’s on mornings, I’m on afternoons.

    Lil man’s Goofy doll arrives today! For the past few days he’s been having a conversation with a print out of Goofy so I figured he’d appreciate an actual doll. He really wanted to use the ‘business machine’ which is just a printer so I printed out Goofy for him. First thing that came to mind. He’s been sitting with it at dinner, asking it all kinds of questions, and apparently the piece of paper is his best friend. Thought it was time for an upgrade. Kids are weird.

  84. Good: Last week the prognosticators were saying that it would be 107 today. It’s only 96.

  85. It was 36 here this morning with wind gusts of about 20mph. Right now, it’s 68 with the wind still about 5 – 15 mph.

  86. The funeral procession for Floyd is just starting NOW?

  87. Thanks, guys. MJ, we like our eggs almost the same way. I like over easy, whites completely set but yolks hot and runny.

    Your Goofy story reminds me of something that my Mom did when I was a little kid about 5 or 6. I was sick and miserable, laid up in bed with a fever. Mom made a little doll out of orange yarn for me to cheer me up. She sewed little brown eyes and a smiling mouth on it. I loved it. This is a treasured memory because it’s the only time I can remember her doing something like that.

  88. When I was a kid all I had to play with was a worn out old purple dildo.

  89. We have the forward part of this tropical storm effecting out weather today. Very gusty winds and spitting rain.

    Today’s topic of study is my continuing battle to grok setting up my hand held ham radios. Got alternative commo?

    Ordered myself a new cleaning kit for my machine parts and eyeballing a trigger kit for my Springfield. Managed to watch a number of seasons BBC Hornblower after bingeing on Sharpes Rifles. Buddy says Last Kingdom on Netflix is good. My son grabbed me 250 rounds of 40 cal this weekend, that was cool. Got the yard done yesterday and paid Bill’s this morning. So now I’m just chilling until it’s time to partake in the culinary delight that is TATER TOT CASSEROLE!

    merica

  90. Bill’s what?

  91. I made a few burgers on the tiny hibachi this afternoon. Love that little thing for jobs like that. I’m going to try to do some cornish hens on it on Friday for mom.

  92. Shit. That reminds me. The cells in the battery pack for my VX-7R shit the bed some time back. Need to order a replacment or two.

  93. When I was a kid all I had to play with was your worn out mom….

  94. RFH, check out 981kze.com

    If you click the music button you can listen live. They play a lot of stuff like that.

    They have a couple of dj’s that play crap but it is usually very good.

    You will hear music from popular bands that you have never heard before.

  95. I saw Kathy Mattea open for George Strait when he started doing actual tours and not bars. I get to return to work on Friday. Dan is telling coworkers different stories as to why I’m not at work. Yesterday, it was a bad domestic violence joke about telling me twice. Today, he told everyone I had the “Shits”.

  96. What is this tiny hibachi you speak of?

  97. Fork held over a candle.

  98. Dan is cracking me up, Oso!! HAHAHAHAAA

  99. This thing. It’s about 6″ x 12″

    https://tinyurl.com/y7yyq4ur

  100. 10×16

  101. Scott only told you it was 10×16.

  102. Takes a half a chimney of charcoal. I pile it mostly on one side and use the other side as indirect cooking. Sometimes I like to stack the grates one over the other for greasy burgers so the fat drips on the lower grate and there are fewer flameups from the charcoal. I wish it were the better made one from childhood, that thing was solid cast iron and lasted for 20 years.

  103. Scott has already had to fix one of the grate handles.

  104. Managed to watch a number of seasons BBC Hornblower after bingeing on Sharpes Rifles.

    Love the Sharpe series.

    Best scene of the series:

  105. Lauraw, Dan is not funny. He’s been changing my Avi on Disney+. Today, I’m the Mexican kid from Coco.

  106. We have the Lodge Hibachi.

  107. Dan is hilarious.

  108. Went to the neighborhood Eye talion place for dinner and drinks, first time in a long time. Waitress wore a mask but hostess, chef, kitchen help did not. I ate a whole 10″ white pizza and had 3 cocktails to support local business, tipped 20 percent.

    Pretty good news all in all.

  109. I didn’t know Alexis Denisov had anything else on his resume outside of Buffy and Angel and banging Alyson Hannigan regularly.

  110. Wait… Was he in that scene?

  111. We had that indestructible hibachi as kids. Well, the Old Man did. Shish kebab was a mainstay in the summer. When it finally wore out he got a Sears brand propane stove.

  112. Had to turn The Five off because they were forced to cover the Floyd internment. Put The Magnificent Seven on but I’m not really watching it.

  113. I’m gonna get a Lodge one when this cheapie wears out. I do like the ability to raise the paddles up or down three levels. It’s surprisingly effective for fine tuning the cooking temp.

  114. We’re still looking for a bugout place. Dan is getting tired of the drive by politics. 6 drivebys this week. Reminiscent of my Aunt teaching in Compton during Rodney King.

  115. https://www.ebay.com/itm/Vintage-Cast-Iron-Hibachi-Grill-Heavy-Square-3-Piece-Table-Top-With-Wood-Base/333613092655?hash=item4dace3cf2f:g:FSEAAOSwXGVe07bd

    I think this may be the old one I had. Pretty close, anyway. The handle looks right. Wish I knew what happened to it. I think it’s another one of my family things that my ex inherited when I left.

  116. I prefer the paddles on mine because they keep stuff like sausages from rolling off.

  117. Hey dorks, I could talk about grills all night. If you let me do it, that’s on you.

  118. I’m used to seeing the rectangle shaped hibachis, not square.

    You can cram a lot of sausage on them

  119. Oh, grills, not girls. Hmm, never mind then

  120. Lauraw, we got our Lodge wok from Walmart. It is amazing.

  121. I cram a lot of sausage on your mom.

  122. I actually did a social thing today. Went to a pool party with my crossfit friends.

    It may not seem like a big thing to you guys, but it’s a big step for me. I’m not very … social. Four hours in the sun, pool, eating and drinking. Good times.

    Too bad that since we’re crossfitters, we’re all racist.

  123. I don’t know why they’re so great, they just are. I’m always happy with the food that comes off the hibachi. The best grill for cooking burgers that are dark crusted and juicy.

  124. Although, a big part of it is that you pay better attention to your food, because it’s so small. It’s not like you’re trying to cook 20 burgers perfectly, only 5 or 6.

  125. Klanfit.

  126. Yes, they are emotionally unhinged children.

    Yes.

  127. The owner announced we’re not deaffiliating.

    YES. America. Fuck yea.

  128. He made a little speech yesterday that he was going to … read and see about the whole kurfuffle. I’m glad he came to the correct decision.

    Of course, the Statue of General Lee in the lobby is a bit awkward

  129. I love hibachis.

  130. Joanie loves hibachi.

  131. I like the hibachi idea.

    Thanks for the links and stuff.

  132. It’s easy to move.

  133. i have mine set up on the picnic table on a pad of old clay bricks.

    Does anybody else hear banjo music?

  134. What’s wrong with banjo music?

  135. Nothing.

    *looks out at backyard*

    I just keep hearing it.

  136. It’s coming from the inside of the house!

  137. Went to a pool party with my crossfit friends

    You went skinny dipping with your sex-cult friends?

  138. *hides banjo behind back*

  139. Hahahaha, Leo Terrell is making Cornell West go crazy on Hannity. and Terrell is no conservative.

  140. I haven’t heard from XB in 5 days.

  141. Banjo Music is standard on a Lincoln MKZ

  142. Anyone else with Maskne?

  143. dont wear a mask, except at Phys Therapy

  144. Wow:

    Doctors kill 250,000 people a year. They call them “medical mistakes” because society understands that they do a very difficult job under high stress and they must make the best possible decision in the moment.

    Law enforcement is tasked with the same and we are highly successful. Despite the most violent society we have ever seen, less than 1,000 suspects are killed a year. 96% are attacking us with weapons and all but a few others are attacking us with their cars or their fists and more and more with simulated guns so Benjamin Crump can help their family win the lottery.

  145. Have you heard the conversation between the alderman and the mayor of Chicago? Wow.

  146. And this is what the other side says reality is:

    View at Medium.com

  147. anonymous source

  148. In WA we are all masked, all the time (not).
    One of the exemptions is ‘deaf people’, because they need to be able to see the facial movement and lips to communicate, says Jay Inslee, our brilliant governor.
    Think about that for a minute.
    That’s not how this works, Jay.
    That’s not how any of this shit works…

  149. I have spent the last week off social media and networks. I spent some time curating a blues playlist that the pup finds soothing and I enjoy.

    For the first time in my adult life I have been not changing time zones, been going to bed and waking up at the same times in the same bed.

    It’s been nice, but I need to get back in the air.

  150. nice to see you phat. too bad you don’t have ball games.

  151. Phat is the airline industry starting to pick up yet?

  152. Jay,

    I think it’s all a shitshow, but MLB may actually benefit from it’s incompetence.

    This racial controversy over the murder of a career criminal by a criminal cop will fade in time (I was stationed in LA during the Rodney King riots).

    What strikes me is how easily people, institutions and corporations kneel and bow to the mob, in the hopes they’ll get killed last.

    The NFL lost me during the kneeling shit a couple of years ago and the Thankfully former STL Rams running out of the tunnel doing the ‘hands up, don’t shoot’ shit. Which was proven to be a total fabrication.

    I was at the gym yesterday and espn was on showing NASCAR drivers filming their own hostage videos.

    Maybe the best thing for baseball is to just sit this out, see how players like not getting paid.

  153. As for the airline biz, it’s a mixed bag.

    Domestic travel is trending up, but international is zero.

    My airline gets the majority of its revenue from int’l, so we’re at the mercy of other countries opening up air travel.

    We’re looking at about 30% pilot furloughs on 1 Oct.

    I will probably have to go back to the Airbus 319/320.

  154. Good news is I’ll be flying all domestic and get to see all you hostages again!

  155. phat, I’m considering a trip for 5 Caucasians departing from Austin Tx to Prague, Ck in late March, early April of 21. Any guesses as to whether that bitch will fly or not? As you might guess, it has to go through Frankfurt,

  156. Pendejo,

    I think it will be a go. Why through Frankfurt?

    Some beer enthusiasts?

  157. This is long, but worth it, it really is…

    https://videos.whatfinger.com/2020/06/09/tucker-black-lives-matter-is-now-a-political-party/

  158. My favorite bar/restaurant in Frankfurt

    The 12 Apostles:

    https://www.tripadvisor.com/Restaurant_Review-g187337-d1341951-Reviews-Zu_den_12_Aposteln-Frankfurt_Hesse.html?m=19905

  159. Tucker had another good one tonight

    https://tinyurl.com/y8pgfxdj

    Mare’s clip she often post with Will Ferrell asking if he’s on crazy pills is more relevant every day.

  160. Daniel expected refilled prescriptions.


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