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Cogito Ergo Sum

pig-latin-ithink-therefore-iam-a-pig-organic-sausage-cogito-37831824

giphy

cogito-ergo-sum-new-yorker-comic

most-dangerous-quote

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2285859_orig

Think positive thoughts

vi_rex_violet_rays1

I’ve never heard of this woman but apparently she’s a big deal on YouTube, 60 Minutes, Netflix, etc. I haven’t watched it, maybe later.

Have a great Thursday and remain calm, boobies in 24 hours!

 

 

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April 23, 2020
Categories: 10/10 Would Smash, nose nuggets, Pinch A Loaf, shit squirters, Taking The Browns To The Super Bowl, This is fucking bullshit, Vaseline Kiss, Who Cut The Cheese?, your mom likes a slippery trout, zero fucks . . Author: Jimbro

145 Comments

  1. Comment by Jimbro on April 23, 2020 5:48 am

    Good morning tuckers and fag hags!

  2. Comment by mare on April 23, 2020 5:59 am

    Good morning!

  3. Comment by Jimbro on April 23, 2020 6:09 am

    I’m trying to be quiet and not move around the house too much this morning. Paula is working weird hours this week, 7-7 Monday, 11-11 Wednesday and today 3P to 3A. She got home at midnight last night, slept on the couch until I woke at 0430 and we exchanged a quick kiss as she went upstairs and I came down here. Every time I get up and move the dogs think it’s GO TIME !!! and race down here only to be disappointed when they see me putting the coffee pot back in place.

  4. Comment by Jimbro on April 23, 2020 6:13 am

    Always get a kick out of Urban Dictionary. I double checked my fag hag reference to confirm as any good blog commenter ought to and got sucked down the wormhole of new terms. I learned Dirty Naomi and Morty Mouth along with a few other less notable ones. I sort of miss MJ using new terms for disgusting acts which seems to have decreased because he’s old now.

  5. Comment by mare on April 23, 2020 6:13 am

    Jimbro, stop typing so loudly!! Sheeeesh.

  6. Comment by mare on April 23, 2020 6:14 am

    Fag hag…I swear I heard that on a Blackadder episode.

  7. Comment by Jimbro on April 23, 2020 6:23 am

    I first heard it with reference to that old lady Madonna back when she was putting out creative stuff. She is a sad woman now. I have much more respect for aging artists who can shift their output as they mature and become a mentor for younger artists striving for the same success.

  8. Comment by mare on April 23, 2020 6:29 am

    I wonder how Kim Jong Un is doing? He seems nice.

  9. Comment by mare on April 23, 2020 6:31 am

    Yes, did a little googling and found:

    “After they had been mugged by Mr. Blackadder, she insisted that her father did nothing to defend her honour. Her father responded by yelling “Oh shut your face, you pregnant junky fag-hag!”

  10. Comment by Jimbro on April 23, 2020 6:34 am

    pregnant
    junky
    fag-hag

    There’s a lot to unpack there!

  11. Comment by MJ on April 23, 2020 6:35 am

    Kim Jong a Ling a Ding Dong is prolly up to his chins in coke with two anime looking chicks parting his fupa looking for his gentlemen’s vienna.

    Ah to be a dictator. That must be the life.

  12. Comment by Jimbro on April 23, 2020 6:37 am

    I watched a couple of the videos by the Alaskan people I linked to last night and they’re pretty good. The one with her setting up 3 beehives made me laugh because it reminded me of all the same worries I have when I’m putting bees in hives.

    https://tinyurl.com/ybuttwpy

    (that tiny url makes me laugh … butt wipey)

  13. Comment by mare on April 23, 2020 6:53 am

    Costco was selling bee attracting hanging boxes. They were not called hives but something else. They were not the white boxes you usually see but like a birdhouse with small circular holes.

  14. Comment by mare on April 23, 2020 6:59 am

    Well, Trump effed up. Not completely supporting Kemp was stupid. I wonder who was whispering in his ear.

  15. Comment by Jimbro on April 23, 2020 7:06 am

    Those are for solitary bees, aka field bees. Most of the bees in the average yard are not honeybees but local working bees just trying to make it through the year to make more bees

    https://www.thesca.org/connect/blog/bumblebees-vs-honeybees-what%E2%80%99s-difference-and-why-does-it-matter

  16. Comment by leoncaruthers on April 23, 2020 7:24 am

    My bee book calls them “mason bees” as catch-all term and suggests that if you keep flowering plants you may want to build them an attractive habitat rather than simply hope for the best. I’m planning to do one fairly soon. Lots of herbicide use in my area and not a lot of wildflowers other than the dandelions and a thin strip of red clover next to my field.

  17. Comment by Car in on April 23, 2020 7:54 am

    wakey wakey. I’ve got one of those bee house things.

  18. Comment by Car in on April 23, 2020 7:57 am

    Regarding the sugar daddy money
    that’s a legitimate question. The benefits are to last for 4 months and it works out to $15 hr. It’s probably not a big deal now, but it will come into play as the country starts to open

    It come into play NOW.
    https://www.cnbc.com/2020/04/22/she-got-a-paycheck-protection-loan-her-employees-hate-her-for-it.html?__source=sharebar%7Cfacebook&par=sharebar&fbclid=IwAR0fXOM5aShdv9h-YoZ57KR-EKXv4IysXevCvesZrzPexJOUWUXDleQg0Z0

    Because people are really bad at long range planning.

  19. Comment by Car in on April 23, 2020 7:58 am

    This is something I’ve heard people I work with discuss, and something Pat thought about.

    It’s not “more money” for everyone, but it is “sit on your ass money” versus actually working.

  20. Comment by Jimbro on April 23, 2020 8:21 am

    One of Paula’s friends (the one with cancer, still getting treatment) is pissed that her husband’s employer started up again. He usually works PT evenings doing cleaning and when the company shut down he was making way more money sitting at home doing nothing.

  21. Comment by MJ on April 23, 2020 8:26 am

    I think I could easily live in the middle of nowhere with the fam.

    But I’m not sure they could live in the middle of nowhere with me.

  22. Comment by Jimbro on April 23, 2020 8:31 am

    “That includes Republican Senators Lindsey Graham (S.C.), Ben Sasse (Neb.), Tim Scott (S.C.,) and Rick Scott (Fla.), who bravely spoke up when they saw the final language of the relief bill that was negotiated by other GOP Senators. Perhaps because they represent states with thousands of small businesses, they understood the incentive issues better than others who think every American business operates like Exxon and Apple.

    The Senators were attacked in the media, and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi called them “cruel.” But they turned out to be right. This means that no matter when governors announce their states’ reopenings, many businesses will still have to wait until July 31—when the extra $600 expires—to be able to afford the workers they need to reopen.”

    https://www.wsj.com/articles/paying-americans-not-to-work-11587597150

  23. Comment by Car in on April 23, 2020 8:32 am

    I’ve heard a few friends say if they open up slow, they’ll volunteer to stay home for a few more weeks.

    I’m losing my mind actually. What day is it? With nothing to do/go, my motivation plummets. I know other people are the same, but they’d still rather sit on their ass. Not everyone. But more than a couple.

  24. Comment by MJ on April 23, 2020 9:04 am

    A lot of people will adjust to not working as long as we’re paying.

  25. Comment by Jay in Ames on April 23, 2020 9:10 am

    Car in, that playstation isn’t going to play itself!

  26. Comment by MJ on April 23, 2020 9:13 am

    Wild ass speculation is basically the norm now.

    Even Dr Fucki does it all the time. He’s convinced that X will be worse than Y. No idea why. Just a hunch.

    Go to Hot Air. Every post follows the same formula: Statement, wild ass speculation based on nothing, cucked out ending that takes no position…just askin’ questions you guys!

    Go to RCP. Every linked article is trying to divine the future. It’s either going to be awful or pretty much back to normal. Nothing about today.

    It’s disheartening.

  27. Comment by Car in on April 23, 2020 9:20 am

    Go to Hot Air. Ever

    Yea … hard pass. haven’t gone there in years.

  28. Comment by Car in on April 23, 2020 9:21 am

    Car in, that playstation isn’t going to play itself!

    J’ames, let’s not forget that when the Stimulus check hit, they were able to buy/upgrade.

  29. Comment by Car in on April 23, 2020 9:23 am

    If I really was a shit stirrer, I would create memes about stay at home slackers demanding that the stay at home workers and essential people work harder … they’ve got games to play.

    It’s not time for that – because many people still have no choice in the matter. But I’m afraid it may be coming.

  30. Comment by MJ on April 23, 2020 9:26 am

    It’s so beta.

    Hot Air is the perfect curation of why Republicans lose.

    They’re still not sure it’s fair to talk about Joe Biden fingering his employee. Or demoting her after she refused to act as a cocktail server. Or firing her after she filed a complaint.

    It’s just not clear you guys. We need to be careful about this you guys.

  31. Comment by leoncaruthers on April 23, 2020 9:55 am

    Dangit, I forgot to burn a tire yesterday.

  32. Comment by scott on April 23, 2020 9:59 am

    Whitmer has a 63% approval rating?

  33. Comment by leoncaruthers on April 23, 2020 9:59 am

    In Lansing, maybe.

  34. Comment by MJ on April 23, 2020 10:02 am

    Hot Air and the MSM say that Karen from MI is really popular.

    Which means she’s not.

  35. Comment by Jay in Ames on April 23, 2020 10:03 am

    Where is this Hot Air thing? I wish to subscribe to their (4-20) newsletter!

  36. Comment by Jay in Ames on April 23, 2020 10:10 am

    Karen has a 63% approval rating, and Biden is ahead of Trump.

    Uh huh.

  37. Comment by leoncaruthers on April 23, 2020 10:24 am

    It’s a little too close to the “threat or menace?” formula, but damned if it’s not dead on.

    https://pjmedia.com/news-and-politics/the-morning-briefing-is-gretchen-whitmer-satan-stalin-or-both/

  38. Comment by leoncaruthers on April 23, 2020 10:27 am

    I want to be a hero like Oso and pursue my dream of driving a trash truck, but CDL schools are closed.

  39. Comment by mare on April 23, 2020 10:55 am

    Comment by scott on April 23, 2020 9:59 am
    Whitmer has a 63% approval rating?

    ——

    OFFS

    Nope.

    And if so, oh I don’t even know.

  40. Comment by MJ on April 23, 2020 10:59 am

    Everything is fake.

    The vote by mail issue is shaping up to be really important. I’m hoping the Trump people are not only working against it but also upping their plan if it does get put in place.

  41. Comment by leoncaruthers on April 23, 2020 11:01 am

    Don Jr has called it out as nothing more than a plot to enable fraud, I can’t imagine Don Sr is unaware.

  42. Comment by Jay in Ames on April 23, 2020 11:04 am

    Of course it’s fraud, but once again it’s being framed as something totally harmless.

  43. Comment by leoncaruthers on April 23, 2020 11:11 am

    States that go to vote-by-mail schemes never have republicans win statewide office again.

    Total coincidence.

  44. Comment by Car in on April 23, 2020 11:21 am

    So … one of my liberal friends who keeps pushing the “we need to stay home as long as possible” bs stuff, now wants a new phone.

    We need to develop something along the lines of “if you think we need to shelter in place until this is over” – then they need to really live the life. Stop shopping. Need a phone upgrade? Fuck that, you don’t need a phone. Food? you should be living off what is in your pantry.

    It’s pretty fucking hypocritical for people to say society should shut down, when in reality their living their best life, watching tv all day.

  45. Comment by leoncaruthers on April 23, 2020 11:34 am

    New phone => workers in phone factory + logistics to go from factory to your hand

    All of them will die of Wu Tang Flu if you order that phone, you monster.

  46. Comment by Hotspur on April 23, 2020 11:39 am

    Fastest way to restore the economy:

    – A new tax on those working that amounts to 30% of their take-home to be transferred directly into the PPP program.

    Let’s “all” sacrifice.

  47. Comment by scott on April 23, 2020 11:40 am

    As bad as this is, we are fortunate that this is happening after a couple really good years.

    If Wang Flu happened during the Obama years we would be homeless and hungry.

  48. Comment by Hotspur on April 23, 2020 11:42 am

    If Wang Flu had happened during Obama life would have gone on as normal.

  49. Comment by mare on April 23, 2020 11:50 am

    Comment by Hotspur on April 23, 2020 11:42 am
    If Wang Flu had happened during Obama life would have gone on as normal.

    ——–

    I agree although you’re forgetting it DID happen during the Obama administration.

  50. Comment by leoncaruthers on April 23, 2020 11:55 am

    H1N1 was a non-event. Because Purple-lipped Man Good.

  51. Comment by MJ on April 23, 2020 11:56 am

    I don’t understand the stay at home stuff.

    If you’d like to do that, ok, stay at home. Feel free.

    But why would someone want me to stay home too?

  52. Comment by leoncaruthers on April 23, 2020 11:58 am

    If they had thought they could get away with this under Bush, or Bush had been an actual American patriot rather than a globalist tool, we’d have shut down all the things for SARS-COV-1.

  53. Comment by MJ on April 23, 2020 11:58 am

    I haven’t looked in awhile but we’re still under 40K people dead from this plague.

    Worst plague ever.

  54. Comment by leoncaruthers on April 23, 2020 12:02 pm

    Virginia colleagues are abusing the work-group-text to talk about how we might have to stay shut down or at least ban large gatherings until Autumn.

    Of 2021.

    It may take an act of SMOD to end this.

  55. Comment by leoncaruthers on April 23, 2020 12:03 pm

    It’s only that low because we locked down!

    3 months after the first known case. And literally All The Winter Holidays.

  56. Comment by scott on April 23, 2020 12:06 pm

    Swine was only 12,000.

  57. Comment by leoncaruthers on April 23, 2020 12:07 pm

    I miss monkey pox.

  58. Comment by Brother Tim on April 23, 2020 12:11 pm

    This is all garbage.

    I’ve gone over available benefits many times and found I’d be pulling in half what I do now…and yet people are getting $15 an hour to sit on their butts? While I still have a job and can’t make enough to not constantly panic about rent and scrimp on groceries?

    Look, I’m trying to steer clear of the envy thing, but damn. if folks are really getting more in layabout cash than I make with an honest paycheck, I don’t even know why I bother anymore.

  59. Comment by scott on April 23, 2020 12:23 pm

    Isn’t it unemployment plus $600?

  60. Comment by Thermadin on April 23, 2020 12:26 pm

    One guy from work wanted an estimate for when I thought something would be done if we re-started Jun 15th. I wrote two e-mail and deleted both. Fucking Jun, really, why even worry about schedule.

  61. Comment by Jay in Ames on April 23, 2020 12:27 pm

    yes, they added $600 to the unemployment bennys, making it more worthwhile to sit on your ass

  62. Comment by Thermadin on April 23, 2020 12:30 pm

    The county next door was going to try and re-open against the Gov order. Stating he can’t extend the stay at home order with it being voted on by the legislature which isn’t in session. The county Sheriffs say they won’t enforce his order. The Gov is threatening to bring in the state police.

  63. Comment by MJ on April 23, 2020 12:32 pm

    Everyone thinks GA is being too rash in opening up.

    800 people dead over a 6-8 week period. 300 located in nursing homes.

    For a bit of context, 1600 people die in GA every week.

    I’m starting to believe that people don’t understand mortality rates because it’s pretty rare to know someone that died recently. It just doesn’t seem like anyone dies. Unless you’re over 65 or so.

  64. Comment by scott on April 23, 2020 12:34 pm

    I should lay myself off.

  65. Comment by Hotspur on April 23, 2020 12:36 pm

    In past recessions (and believe me I’ve been through a bunch of them) workers left Michigan to go to areas of the country where there was work. This time there was no place for them to go, so they’re still here.

    But as states like TX, AZ, FL, and GA open up their economies, and our cuntwhore of a governor keeps ours locked down, those people are going to split. And when she finally gets the thorough buttfucking she deserves, and allows businesses to re-open, we’ll be entirely short-handed again. There won’t be a recovery in Michigan.

  66. Comment by Jay in Ames on April 23, 2020 12:38 pm

    Oh come on, MJ, no one died before The Rona

  67. Comment by Jimbro on April 23, 2020 12:40 pm

    I saw a story on the Bangor Daily News site that we may open up sooner than the projected 5/15 date. Lockdown must not be polling well.

  68. Comment by Jimbro on April 23, 2020 12:41 pm

    If I read more of those stories I may hold off on getting a Corona haircut

  69. Comment by leoncaruthers on April 23, 2020 12:42 pm

    Belgium: locked down tight, 544 deaths per million
    Sweden: no lockdown, 200 deaths per million

  70. Comment by leoncaruthers on April 23, 2020 12:44 pm

    Correction, Belgium is 560 deaths per million.

  71. Comment by MJ on April 23, 2020 12:49 pm

    To be fair everyone goes through Belgium to go somewhere else.

    And they always lick the doorknob on the way out.

  72. Comment by leoncaruthers on April 23, 2020 12:54 pm

    Ron Perelman really is an exemplar Belgian.

  73. Comment by leoncaruthers on April 23, 2020 12:58 pm

    France and Spain have more than twice the death rate of Sweden. Do they have a culture of doorknob licking too?

  74. Comment by Hotspur on April 23, 2020 1:01 pm

    Belgium is just France without the good cheese and wine.

  75. Comment by scott on April 23, 2020 1:02 pm

    In the 80’s our local hotels were filled with out of state construction workers. I knew a bunch of sheetrockers from Detroit.

  76. Comment by scott on April 23, 2020 1:04 pm

    They kiss everyone.

  77. Comment by scott on April 23, 2020 1:05 pm

    People in France and Spain, not the sheetrockers from Detroit.

  78. Comment by leoncaruthers on April 23, 2020 1:09 pm

    UK is worse than Sweden also, aren’t they locked down to spare the heroic workers in the NHS?

  79. Comment by Jimbro on April 23, 2020 1:16 pm

    We rely on a lot of out of state workers here. When we built the addition to our hospital and the new convention center it was common to see out of state plates everywhere. Cianbro is a big player in this and needs bodies to work.

    https://www.cianbro.com/

    They’re hiring now

  80. Comment by Jimbro on April 23, 2020 1:20 pm

    They have a big facility building prefab units and they float them down the Penobscot River every so often. Very inspiring to see them float by.

  81. Comment by mare on April 23, 2020 1:32 pm

    Comment by MJ on April 23, 2020 11:56 am
    I don’t understand the stay at home stuff.

    If you’d like to do that, ok, stay at home. Feel free.

    But why would someone want me to stay home too?

    ——–

    I feel this way too. I don’t get it. Stay home if you’re afraid.

  82. Comment by Jay in Ames on April 23, 2020 1:44 pm

    because!

    That should be enough reason, winger.

  83. Comment by mare on April 23, 2020 2:01 pm

    JFYI, I think something hinky is going on with google CDC searches.

    About a month ago I could easily find graphs that show 58,000 died of H1N1, can’t find them anymore.

  84. Comment by mare on April 23, 2020 2:04 pm

    Bait and switch 2020!

    Biden’s whole candidacy.

  85. Comment by roamingfirehydrant on April 23, 2020 2:06 pm

    Is it too early to start drinking? Asking for a friend.

  86. Comment by mare on April 23, 2020 2:11 pm

    Comment by roamingfirehydrant on April 23, 2020 2:06 pm
    Is it too early to start drinking? Asking for a friend.

    ——-

    Answering for a friend, no.

  87. Comment by beasn on April 23, 2020 2:21 pm

    Belgium: locked down tight, 544 deaths per million
    Sweden: no lockdown, 200 deaths per million……
    ….France and Spain have more than twice the death rate of Sweden. Do they have a culture of doorknob licking too?

    1. Sweden taking a herd immunity route is not motivated in jacking up the numbers.

    2. The other three’s socialized healthcare is probably less able to care for the seriously ill and/or there are more fat asses.

  88. Comment by Hotspur on April 23, 2020 2:21 pm

    Hell, Mare started a few hours ago.

  89. Comment by Car in on April 23, 2020 2:24 pm

    Got a couple of Guinea hens. And some coco morans. too. Kind of excited.

  90. Comment by beasn on April 23, 2020 2:24 pm

    3. The other three are tweaking the numbers like Italy has been doing.

  91. Comment by scott on April 23, 2020 2:25 pm

    Beasn, we have a family member that is completing a two year coding program this year.

    We’ll probably know something about job prospects soon.

  92. Comment by scott on April 23, 2020 3:07 pm

    Ordered some masks. Tracking shows they checked into a postal service facility in Carol Stream IL on 4/9. Hasn’t moved since.

    Today the tracking was updated – “expect movement by 4/30”.

  93. Comment by PepeLp on April 23, 2020 4:05 pm

    Sweden: no lockdown, 200 deaths per million……

    ===========

    They were probably hoping it would put a dent in the unwashed immigrant population……..

  94. Comment by Jay in Ames on April 23, 2020 4:12 pm

    Dave Rubin meets Trump for the first time

    “hey melania, these 2 guys are married!” Hahahaha, I can just see it.

  95. Comment by leoncaruthers on April 23, 2020 4:12 pm

    As I understand it, the Swedes would be by-and-large sanguine with that stance for that reason, but their government is all in on replacing the native viking-descendants with swarthy Musselmen intent on plundering the Bikini Team.

  96. Comment by Car in on April 23, 2020 4:26 pm

    That rubin thing was very interesting. Especially their observation at the end.

  97. Comment by Jay in Ames on April 23, 2020 4:41 pm

    That was interesting. He’s a real guy. The media has even colored my glasses, and I feel bad for it.

  98. Comment by osoloco11 on April 23, 2020 4:54 pm

    Just watched Richard Jewell. Amazing performances. MA got a rabies shot this AM. She started looking like rattlesnake dog. Got a shot and she’s feeling much better.

  99. Comment by Hotspur on April 23, 2020 4:55 pm

    Dave Rubin is a pretty cool guy. He used to be one of The Young Turks with that insufferable blowhard douchebag Cenk Yger (or whatever) and whore extraordinaire Anna Kasparian.

    Then he woke up and walked away.

    The left hates him because he’s a married gay dude who criticizes their hypocrisy and positions.

  100. Comment by osoloco11 on April 23, 2020 5:11 pm

    Pupster, Thank you so very much. We both really appreciate your thoughtfulness.

  101. Comment by Jay in Ames on April 23, 2020 5:15 pm

    what is that on, oso? I’ve wanted to see Richard Jewell

  102. Comment by Brother Tim on April 23, 2020 5:16 pm

    Word. Pupster & co. are Good People.

  103. Comment by Jay in Ames on April 23, 2020 5:17 pm

    Huh.

    https://www.foxnews.com/us/new-york-antibody-study-early-results

    3 million have had it?

    Again, I say.

    Huh

  104. Comment by Jay in Ames on April 23, 2020 5:18 pm

    .3% death rate, even with their inflated numbers.

    Huh

  105. Comment by leoncaruthers on April 23, 2020 5:19 pm

    It’s almost like we did all this just to crater the economy and prevent Easter church services.

  106. Comment by scott on April 23, 2020 5:23 pm

    Trillions in slush funds.

  107. Comment by beasn on April 23, 2020 5:31 pm

    Scott the coding program I’ll be doing, if I can ever get an orientation not cancelled, goes for 12 weeks.

  108. Comment by beasn on April 23, 2020 5:34 pm

    I can totally see the Deep State, their buds in ChyNA, and other POS globalists getting together to pull off the tanking of the world economy to save/push their agendas. If it were just the U.S., it would be might suspicious but if large swaths of the globe are in the same boat…..

  109. Comment by beasn on April 23, 2020 5:36 pm

    Remember my Operation Wild Violet Infiltration scheme? Look at her babies! I just moved some bigger ones to obscure places bordering said lawn.

    wildviolet

  110. Comment by beasn on April 23, 2020 5:37 pm

    (the babies are the bitty things playing around mom’s canopy)

  111. Comment by Thermadin on April 23, 2020 5:57 pm

    Beasn, roundup will take care of that violet problem for you. 🙂

  112. Comment by osoloco11 on April 23, 2020 6:06 pm

    J’ames, we got it at Red Box. The Gentlemen, too. Had to go out this AM. Watching The Gentlemen tomorrow. Watching The Draft tonight after The Trump Show.

  113. Comment by lauraw on April 23, 2020 6:32 pm

    They’re such a curse when you have them where you don’t want them, I feel a little guilty about encouraging you, Beasn.

    Let me know if you want some of the white ones with purple centers. I have both kinds in my lawn. 😉

  114. Comment by scott on April 23, 2020 6:49 pm

    * points *
    CNN is fake news. Don’t talk to me.

    Best answer ever!

  115. Comment by lauraw on April 23, 2020 6:49 pm

    Are you going to candy some for cake decorations?

  116. Comment by Brother Tim on April 23, 2020 6:52 pm

    Great. Still no Coronacheck and tomorrow’s the day I need to have April rent by. And still have no idea WTF I’m doing for May. And STILL no damn idea how the hell I resolve any of this with the economy locked down tighter than Obama’s school records.

    Plus they’re supposed to stick a probe up my weenus to zap a stone stuck in my plumbing, but my usual transport options are not viable at this time…which I learn just AFTER they close for the day for me to reschedule.

    Shoot, I feel like a chump just for filing taxes. This, this sort of shit is what keeps my depression in full play…

  117. Comment by scott on April 23, 2020 7:03 pm

    Checks are going to take a while. Checks for individual filers were supposed to be sent between 4/24 & 6/26. Starting with the lowest incomes and ending at the highest.

    Joint filers will start going out in early July and end in September.

  118. Comment by osoloco11 on April 23, 2020 7:21 pm

    78 degrees and 14% humidity. First time I’ve been out other than work in weeks. Bad drivers continue to be bad drivers.

  119. Comment by leoncaruthers on April 23, 2020 7:40 pm

    I went to Meijer in IN. They had TP.

  120. Comment by scott on April 23, 2020 7:41 pm

    – https://tinyurl.com/y9jrt69q

    Father of the year.

  121. Comment by scott on April 23, 2020 7:43 pm

    Is it illegal to sell toilet paper in Michigan?

  122. Comment by leoncaruthers on April 23, 2020 7:45 pm

    Pretty sure it’s illegal to pee standing up at the moment.

  123. Comment by beasn on April 23, 2020 8:13 pm

    >>>Beasn, roundup will take care of that violet problem for you.

    NOOOOOooo! I like pretty weeds that serve some purpose…like making my eyes happy in the spring. And pssst, our lawn guy said the junk he puts on our lawn doesn’t touch wild violets.

    Husband likes plain ol’ grass. Wide open grass. Drives him crazy that I cater to butterflies by allowing milkweed to go nuts in the bottom garden. He thinks my white lilac a weed and chopped half of it down before I caught him. Thus, he has been permanently banned from the gardens and his grass will now be dotted with violets. Lovely beautiful violets as far as the eye can see.

  124. Comment by beasn on April 23, 2020 8:19 pm

    >>Let me know if you want some of the white ones with purple centers.

    Nahh, I’m good with just the purple ones. Btw, you need some wild green onions? Pulled a bunch of those. I shoulda cleaned ’em up for tonight’s nachos.

  125. Comment by roamingfirehydrant on April 23, 2020 8:38 pm

    Yesterday I defrosted my freezer. Today I went grocery shopping for the first time since March 11, bought a metric shit-ton of stuff. A panhandler bugged me for money in the parking lot, in the pouring rain. I told him I didn’t have any cash and that he could have a jar of peanut butter. He gave me a bullshit story about needing the cash to do laundry. We’re standing there, soaked to the skin. Idiot. I made a face at him and offered the peanut butter again. He walked off without it.

    Mr. RFH did go to the grocery store for me a couple of times to get milk, bread, and eggs, but for the most part, we’ve been eating what was in the freezer.

  126. Comment by leoncaruthers on April 23, 2020 8:42 pm

    I try to encourage dandelions.

  127. Comment by scott on April 23, 2020 8:44 pm

    The crack to peanut butter exchange rate is complicated.

  128. Comment by Jay in Ames on April 23, 2020 8:49 pm

    you can get more crack with chunky peanut butter, cuz it’s worth more.

  129. Comment by Pupster on April 23, 2020 8:51 pm

    https://tinyurl.com/y6uc9df8

  130. Comment by osoloco11 on April 23, 2020 8:52 pm

    👋🏻❤️🐾

  131. Comment by osoloco11 on April 23, 2020 8:54 pm

    TMI we have been sleeping apart during this 💩. I’m couch. NFL Draft is pretty boring. I may reclaim the bed. Taking my weighted blanket. My My Pillow.

  132. Comment by Jimbro on April 23, 2020 9:02 pm

    NFL Draft is not really must see TV for me. I definitely follow it, just the next day on different web sites

  133. Comment by lauraw on April 23, 2020 9:04 pm

    Can people actually eat wild green onions? They’re tough as twine around here.

  134. Comment by leoncaruthers on April 23, 2020 9:11 pm

    Ours are tender enough to eat.

  135. Comment by Jay in Ames on April 23, 2020 9:17 pm

    What about wild corn dogs?

  136. Comment by roamingfirehydrant on April 23, 2020 9:26 pm

    I’m watching a documentary about Mission Control during Apollo 13.

  137. Comment by Teresa in Fort Worth, TX on April 23, 2020 9:48 pm

    What channel?

  138. Comment by Car in on April 23, 2020 9:51 pm

    So I have to watch the richard jewell thing. Ok.

    Did I tel you erin rented cats? Omg was that bad. You couldn’t even watching ironically.

    Had to move my new chicks – I thought I could throw them in with the others … 2 were fine, 2 were just too little and were getting picked on. So I moved all four into a temporary container. Gotta run out and get another water thing tomorrow.

    moose can now see the new babies (they’re in a repurposed aquarium. He’s probably going to sleep watching them all night.

  139. Comment by lauraw on April 23, 2020 10:28 pm

    Carin, aren’t guinea hens known for like, screaming all day?

  140. Comment by roamingfirehydrant on April 23, 2020 10:40 pm

    TiFW, Netflix.

    For those watching the draft, friend posted “The NFL draft takes too long. If I really wanted to watch 32 picks in 3 hours, I’d watch Jameis Winston play.”

  141. Comment by roamingfirehydrant on April 23, 2020 10:42 pm

    I want to see Richard Jewell, too.

    The Clarence Thomas documentary was good, I got to see that in the theater.

  142. Comment by roamingfirehydrant on April 23, 2020 11:12 pm

    https://thepuristonline.com/2020/04/the-cuomos-corona-protocol-week-3/

    Fredo’s wife. Favorite comment where I saw this posted, “What in the cinnamon toast fuck did I just read?” Sodium hypochlorite != sodium chloride, and soaking your butt in it will not “combat the radiation”.

  143. Comment by Pendejo on April 24, 2020 12:24 am

    Ive never heard the phrase “cinnamon toast fuck”. I have heard the phrase “cornbread fuck”. I wonder if they’re related.

  144. Comment by Pendejo on April 24, 2020 1:35 am

    good question, pendejo. we should like investigate and shit.

  145. Comment by Sean M. on April 24, 2020 4:09 am

    Doctors endorsed Reginald’s plan.


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