Don’t Touch Meme

















































































  1. Good Morning A Team!

  2. Or should I have said “What up hoe?”

  3. The “Keep Complaining About The Quarantine” is how I feel they’re running this shitshow

  4. Yep.

  5. Awesome collection of memes, Pupster. The cosmonaut is Oleg Skripochka, he’s over the south Atlantic right now. Must be the Russian side of the ISS, I don’t recognize anything. And those are some effin’ big camera lenses.

    I need the personal space sign.

  6. How is India doing?

    If they aren’t suffering, this is all bullshit.

  7. Not that I want them to suffer, not in the slightest, but it’s a big country with crowded cities and famously bad hygiene wrt to people poop. If anywhere should be a hotspot, that’s it.

  8. Leon, probably another one where they aren’t testing or aren’t reporting. Or there’s enough sunshine and vitamin D to kill the virus and boost the immune system.

  9. It is rather telling that China keeps pumping out pandemics on the regular and India doesn’t.

    But yeah, it’s probably the lack of testing. I don’t know if Sahil (Headbanger’s Kitchen) has had anything to say on the matter, I should check his channel.

  10. Shocking. Everytime they’ve reported a younger person with serious covid19, I wonder why they’ve never ever mentioned this:

  11. wakey wakey



  14. Trying to understand the frame of mind of someone who thought this was a good idea. And she dances poorly and touches her face.

  15. Mornin’ mornin’ mornin’.

    Nice thing about two weeks of mandated downtime is I FINALLY finish making up my epic sleep deficit I racked up a couple of weeks back.

  16. Sounds like you are feeling better, BroTim, good.

  17. I’m not a doctor, but I’ll try to interpret, Carin. Here’s my perhaps unqualified take on the sitch:

    Gov. Gretchen is a cunt.

    There ya go

  18. I predicted weeks ago that the NYers would start fleeing to other states, and bringing pestilence with them.

    STAY. STAY in your city, assholes. We all know you are constitutionally unable to quarantine for two days, nevermind two weeks. Keep that shit at home, then.

  19. Hunting down New Yorkers could be a televised event in place of professional sports.


    “AHR!” *tazing noises*

  20. well they did release The Hunt outside of theaters

  21. so new Yorkers are actually infecting other states now. usually it’s just their politics.

  22. Hah! Exactly.

  23. If I believed they were able to honor a quarantine, I’d feel differently. But I know they won’t. The ones that went to their vacation homes in the Hamptons immediately started going out to party at the bars and shit. When you live in a place where you can do and get anything, 24 hrs a day, you don’t have much capacity for boredom.

  24. I only know a few New Yorkers. They are rude, and their accent is irritating as fuck.

    Other than that, I’m sure New Yorkers are swell people.

  25. super cute daddy & daughter moment

  26. They live in tiny, shitty apartments that cost too much, so the quarantine and shelter-in-place are especially hard on them.

    Good. I hope they suffer.

  27. I’m not a doctor, but I’ll try to interpret, Carin. Here’s my perhaps unqualified take on the sitch:

    Gov. Gretchen is a cunt.
    Agree. Listen to Lauraw on this one Carin, she’s Pre Med

  28. My take on it is that she’s playing the role of Big Brother. Not exactly barring the use but suggesting “consequences” for off label prescribing. It reminded me of Obama’s infamous “Dear Colleague” letter discussed in this 2016 article

    That article amused me on many levels. Colleague. Clearly Obama et al felt more at home in the halls of academia than the real world they were supposedly governing if they addressed them as colleagues. Read the second paragraph in the linked story and tell me if Joe “It Wasn’t Rape Rape” Biden doesn’t regret that being out there. [Digital penetration is rape in my book, I don’t give a flying fuck what the law of each individual state says, that’s something that makes me reach for my revolver]. The campus circus of kangaroo courts with allegations handled by college tribunals is an affront to any concept of a fair legal system and Trump was right to put the kibbosh on it.

    Where were we? Right, off label use of Trump’s supposed miracle cure that the media falsely claimed he claimed in his presser. There’s a right way to do shit like this and having the governor play big brother is the wrong way. A better way would be to meet with her state CDC officer and have him or her send out a letter to the state medical society for physicians, nurses and pharmacists alerting them that inappropriate prescriptions for family members and relatives was taking place and rely on the natural altruistic behavior (haha) of medical professionals to take over. At the same time post the physicians/NP’s/PA’s who are prescribing it along with their office addresses. That will cut down on all but the most recalcitrant and if they don’t get the message, then it’s hammer time.

  29. Knix leakproof undies commercial is really kind of bad. Seriously, we know what leakproof disposable underwear do…we don’t need to hear the list.

  30. A governor telling doctors how to practice is as dumb as one telling me how to secure a RESTful API.

  31. Lovely. Fools flee to the country and bring the plague with them. It’s like these geenyuses learned absolutely nothing from the past 2000 years and now have to re-capitulate every single bit of it in the current day.

  32. I just tuned into ESPN to see what they are broadcasting.

    A baseball game from 1998.

    They might not survive this.

  33. World Hopscotch Championships are up next.

  34. >>>The ones that went to their vacation homes in the Hamptons immediately started going out to party at the bars and shit.

    I remember Jimbro’s link to that. One of the guys who fled NYC, said he’ll go to his summer home if he wants. He pays taxes there…so nana boo boo to anyone who have something to say about it.
    They aren’t the brightest bunch, that’s for sure.

  35. Or they’re plenty bright, they just don’t GAF.

  36. I hope that owl got a good snack for his demonstration.

  37. Watch with no sound. Which dictator does she remind you of?

  38. Our local sports radio is about a third home grown programing with local hosts and the rest is mostly ESPN with a few college and HS games broadcast. Lately when I turn it on the hosts are discussing movies, celebrity news, viral videos and the like. NFL Network has been rebroadcasting old Super Bowls. Brady took up a solid 10-12 days of programming which I’m sure they were thankful for.

  39. Pupster, thanks for bringing the laughs every weekend! 😊

    I LOVE the snuggly bunnies – made me go “Awww”.

    My favorite memes this week are the “Dinner Cat Obesity” one and the Tom Brady one.

    But they’re all good, as always!

    (I don’t get the COVID test one – what am I missing?)

  40. dat ass

  41. Lauraw, that is pretty cool.

    Nephew’s wife is bitching about grocery delivery being booked up for a week or more. Dudette, why don’t you leave the delivery for people most at risk and do your own damn shopping or make do with what you have. Don’t tell me you wouldn’t be at Disney right now if it weren’t closed since the kids are out of school.

  42. 👋🏻 Guys. Survived another day with recreational shoppers. We really need to start limiting shoppers to one person per cart.

  43. Two per cart max would be reasonable for people who need a little help or want to be efficient. I’m sure most are solo shoppers (correct me if I’m wrong) but a Toilet Paper Posse of 5 or 6 wide bodies probably clogs the aisles like nobody’s business.

  44. well they did release The Hunt outside of theaters

    Yeah, they’ll RENT it to you for $19.95.

    Ummmm…. no.

  45. Two per cart max would be reasonable for people

    Fuck people.

  46. so much for ‘Man’s Best Friend’, lol

  47. Jimbro, you’re right about two people. I’m just cranky after having to ask multiple people to walk single file, so we can maintain distance. Our old people shopping hours was a success. If the old person wanted to bring someone in with them, we provided “Concierge” service. Associates would shop for them and they could pay at TBC cash register by the exit door. (Tire & Battery Center). Now that the supply chain is mostly functional, we are donating pallets to local hospitals and Drs that are still seeing emergency patients. Pallets of Clorox wipes, Clorox, Nitrile gloves, and alcohol swabs. Local brewery is making hand sanitizer. We can’t sell it, but they can do giveaways.

  48. Jimbro, the governor asked for single shoppers, but that isn’t the norm. My pet peeve is families with newborns just cruising and killing time. We were told yesterday, that we can ask recreational shoppers to leave. I’ll save that for a member of management.

  49. I saw Toilet Paper Posse open for Anthrax in Nashville in 1989.

  50. I’ll save that for a member of management.

    Or, hear me out now…Security Robot Gumby.

  51. We have Robot Gumby at our local store. Total pain in the ass.

    If it finds anything on the floor……

    Cleanup required in aisle 5
    Cleanup required in aisle 5
    Cleanup required in aisle 5

    Repeat for 5-10 minutes

  52. pressure cooker spaghetti sauce,smoked ground beef

  53. We have robot floor cleaner. It sends texts to managers phones.

  54. I got in trouble today. I was standing with 2 managers and a team lead and a manager asked if I needed help from Demos. Oso “No. Those frickin retards don’t even know how to pull empty boxes”. I got a verbal warning. Team Lead ran to the receiving office. He didn’t want to get in trouble for laughing.

  55. J’ames, leftover Mississippi pot roast green chile tater tot casserole

  56. I don’t remember if I posted this here yesterday. I loves her. She is clearly insane, and thus one of My People.

  57. Older woman was at register today. She was asking people to keep their distance. Chola got up in her face and started saying “Are you scared? Are you scared?” Maintenance guy and Self-check host confronted the Chola. Told her to GTFO. I wish a manager had been there to revoke the membership or call the cops. People are assholes

  58. If I’m killing your page loading let me know and I’ll swap them out for links.

  59. Chief Grumpy Butt is on FB

  60. Aawwww… miss him!

  61. DG is getting so big. He posts crappy music on FB. (I kid, because I love).

  62. She is clearly insane, and thus one of My People.

    She doesn’t look Portuguese.


  64. I saw The Chowder Pops open for Thigh Hold at the Agora back in ’95.

  65. I just want to point out that Thigh Hold Girlfriend was probably at the end of her rope, and that spinal injury is totally on him.

  66. Well the jokes on her because she’ll have to feed and bathe him for the rest of his life.

  67. I haz no linkfu. We know this. I was reading SS accounts of Joe Biden as VP. Female Navy staff had to be protected from VP by SS. We all know that he would swim nude in front of female SS if Jill was away. I read that he would grope female SS and at “Official” parties at the VP residence, he would grope female SS family members. Story out there that SS had to refrain an agent from attacking the VP after he groped the SS agents girlfriend.


  69. Doesn’t Everyone Require Plaquenil?

  70. Don’t ever recruit eggheads.

  71. Donnie Two Derps

  72. That wasn’t a derp! He missed! It was a miss! HOLY SHIT

    Sean man, are you okay?!?

  73. Holy shit is right! Sean is pulling a Biden and like the DNC I totally missed it

  74. Another term for eggheads is PhD … maybe that’s what he was going for and failed to execute

  75. derper, please

  76. ww

  77. Anyway, good morning shmoopies. Whose turn is it to oppress the marginalized people? I had it Thursday.

  78. i think if there were one language for Indian and Pakistanis, this map would look different.

  79. Dearbornistan and Hamtramckran are responsible for all our Arabic.

  80. What the fuck is tagalog?

  81. Never mind, it’s some Filipino made up bullshit.

  82. It’s a girl scout cookie.

  83. Tagalog is easily one of the most unpleasant languages I’ve ever heard. Too far from Indo-European/Indo-Aryan to sound like anything but harsh gibberish.

  84. We must go derper

  85. Is it worse than New York City? Because that’s about as close to a group of irritating grunts and tonal farts as you’re ever likely to get.

  86. No. I’d much sooner listen to Tagalog than anything from Noo Yawk.

  87. Lawng Guyland is the worst.

  88. Too far from Indo-European/Indo-Aryan to sound like anything but harsh gibberish.

    It’s not even authentic Frontier Gibberish, examples of which our children so rarely get to hear these days.

  89. Those videos are hystercial, lauraw. Will send them to sis-in-law and son.

  90. >>>Chola got up in her face and started saying “Are you scared? Are you scared?”

    Woulda been great had the old lady been packing a can of Lysol.

  91. Went to bed early last night, I was so tired, but kept waking up because the wind (outside) was horrible. And then when I’d wake up, my pilot light went to blast….so uncover until I got cold, pull quilt over torso, fall back to sleep…rinse/repeat. Came down this morning and the first floor smells like an oil shop. Husband was messing with an engine in the garage and left the oil in a pan and didn’t have a container to pour it in. That and all the schmutz bursting out of the trees, is giving me a headache.

    On the bright side, the sun is finally shining and the wind isn’t so gusty.

  92. Really, really starting to get cabin fever. I’d go grocery shopping but all considered it’s probably best for me to stay put, at least until work starts back up. No clue how rent’s going to go this time. With everything in suspended animation and the economy throttled so badly I have no idea what to even try anymore, and would feel like a ton of feces for asking for help given how everyone’s being thrown for a loop. Oh well, maybe they’ll say “don’t sweat this payment due to Chinabug”. Yeah, I should be so lucky.

  93. Comments on facechimp which have tickled my funny bone. This is in response to a BBC article “Police inundated with ‘two runs a day’ calls”.

    – We’re living in cunt soup now, with extra cunty croutons.
    – Bleu cheese croutons?
    – No, just cunty croutons made of shitwits and blockleiters.

  94. Safeway computer called me this morning and says ‘your prescription is ready for pick-up’.
    I went down there and found the pharmacy shuttered and a sign;

    Due to the Kung Flu, our Sunday hours are 11 to 6.

    Nice job assholes. I’m not standing here for an hour.
    I did score a 12 pack of TP!
    There are signs of the shelf saying;

    “Due to shortages, customers are limited to one item.”

    The fat-ass in front of me grabbed 4…



  97. Paula’s home gym project has been completed. She moved the waverunner out to the little offshoot the plow guy uses to push extra snow into and took over half the extra garage. Squat rack, chin up bar, floor pads, bar with weights and some kettle bells. There’s zero insulation out there and the concrete slab it’s on hasn’t warmed up at all. She did a group workout using Zoom with her Crossfit pals and they were all laughing at her because they could all see her breath. Ever the resourceful woman, she found the kerosene heater I bought years ago when we lost power for days and the mudroom floor froze. My contractor added insulation to the pipes and it’s been a non issue since. Anyway, after procuring new C batteries because the old ones were dead we got it going. She’s happier than a clam at high tide now.

  98. What proof do we have that clams are happy at high tide?

  99. C batteries are the red headed stepchild of batteries. AA and D are pretty standard for things now. AAA, CR123 and button batteries here and there as well as the rechargeable ones. But C batteries? BOO!


  101. I have one of those Kerosun heaters that takes c batteries. They better not stop making them.

  102. For Beasn

  103. I’ll need a ruling on this one … blasphemous or funny “in joke”?

  104. The combo locks on my house doors take Cs, too.

  105. Jesus jokes are always funny.

  106. Heh. I had to google “Lawng Guyland”.


  108. I was in the Navy with a few guys from Lawng Guyland. We used to say it that way in front of them. Same thing with guys from Bahstahn.

  109. The only thing I’ve ever seen that ran on C batteries was your mom’s vibrator.

  110. No. U.

  111. Bringing up “famous” people I’ve never heard of who have died “of” coronavirus isn’t really helping people’s cases.

    OMG – Joe Diffie died!!!

    (googles Joe Diffie)

    I don’t mean to make light, but the media drum drum drum is really working hard.

    and, here’s the important line:

    “Joe Diffie, an icon to many country fans for his string of No. 1 hits in the 1990s, has died from complications related to the coronavirus, a spokesperson revealed Sunday afternoon. He was 61.”

    so … he probably had other health issues.

  112. He was a country music icon? Probably smoked three packs a day and had cirrhosis.

  113. People are fucked up.

  114. My anti-Catholic sister is starting 💩 in a family prayer thread. I am not shredding her. Pray for Oso.

  115. Saw a video from Rick Steves touting their library of short clips of his trips around the world/little history lessons. He may be a tad goofy (some things he goes ‘woke’), but it’s a good idea. Some of his stuff is interesting.

  116. >>>For Beasn

    After icing so many cakes, one can squirt, swirl, smooth, one in about 2 minutes.

    Don’t know why she smoothed the crap out of the icing she was going to hide with sprinkles.

  117. After icing so many cakes, one can squirt, swirl, smooth, one in about 2 minutes.

    Your mother has a similar talent.

    Don’t know why she smoothed the crap out of the icing she was going to hide with sprinkles.

    Being anal? Actually, my guess is that she wanted to show how you would get to that point for any fancier decorations, but didn’t want to go into a long tutorial on it (although she did kind of start to do so).

  118. I wondered the same thing beasn.

  119. Me too!

  120. Speaking of celebrities with coronavirus, Kathy Griffin isn’t either.

  121. Roamy, 🤣🤣🤣

  122. We should do this.

  123. Also speaking of celebrities, funny how when the Mounties said they weren’t going to provide security for woke former royals, all of a sudden before the border closes, after saying they wouldn’t live under President Trump, Harry and Meghan show up here. Wouldn’t take Archie to see his grandparents and great-grandparents because of coronavirus, but will fucking move to the 2nd hardest hit city in the U.S. Morons, and not the good kind.

  124. Just heard the social distancing continues to 4/30.

  125. Our Country is full of idiots. There I said it.

    On our drive back from Savanah “crossing” into Florida there was an hour and 50-minute slowdown for a “corona virus check.”

    Holy shit, everyone is seeing to what level of stupid they can take this bullshit.

    All freeway traffic stopped to one lane, everyone stops, they ask:

    “where are you coming from?”

    Well, (Nazi assholes-didn’t say it but was thinking it though), We are coming from Georgia.”

    “Okay. Move on.”

    How does this help anything?

    What idiot would say, “New York, New Jersey, Sun Valley, Seattle, or New Orleans?”

  126. The only people I know who have died from it are acquaintances of my brother who had previous existing conditions.

    One was 77, one was 67 in very poor health. And I’m not necessarily believing they died from the virus.

  127. I finally read a bunch of the dozens of emails I get about the virus and apparently we’re all going to wear masks at work. They must have found a bunch of them.

  128. We have Senior shopping hours. I was talking with a receiver. Lifts have to be off the floor with people in the Club. He started singing 🎤 Gramma got run over by a forklift🎶

  129. OFFS, Trump is keeping this shit going until the end of April.

  130. This is absolutely the craziest, insane, bullshit I’ve ever seen. Ever. And I lived through 8 years of people thinking Barack Hussein Obama was everything other than a dumbass, closet gay, puppet for lefty thinktanks.

  131. I mean this from the bottom of my heart, with the sincerity of Sir Lancelot, EFF YOU MEDIA.

  132. When I look at the graphs that talk about “bending the curve”, is there really any benefit to making things last longer? Are the numbers somehow different at the end of it all?

    Just asking; I haven’t dug down into the numbers yet. I know it means less of a strain on medical resources all at once, but are the cumulative numbers that much different?

  133. It seems to me the longer this goes on, the more businesses are going to end up closing for good.

  134. Yep.

  135. 4 days ago it was 250 deaths, then next day approx 250 then next day approx 250 deaths. WTF are we doing?

  136. We lose about 300 per day to the flu.

  137. This is the dumbest apocalypse I ever heard of. Absolutely no zombies, no out-of-control city-wide fires, and, as far as I have heard, no cannibalism at all. WTF? This is not the Burning Times I paid for.

    Otoh, if we social distance until June, there might be nothing that saves us from a Flooded New Orleans scale thunderdome event. So maybe I just need to be patient.

  138. A business which cannot survive this shutdown would be unable to survive the economic impact of the worst case scenarios which were originally projected. Tens of millions sick, millions dead or facing long-term illness, including many people in their 40s and 50s, which are often peak earning years. Plus the general shutdown in economic activity and reduction in the workforce brought about my mass infection and overwhelmed hospitals.

  139. It would be better if they were more focused and limit the areas shutdown. At some point large shutdowns like we are currently doing is going to effect the supply chain and not in good ways. Is it really safer to be at grocery store over a restaurant?

    I’m more convinced this thing has been circulating since the end of last year. Sara Hoyt has a article written by someone who looked at the CDC data for Influenza Like Illness. There has been a lot more than normal starting around last Dec.

  140. It’s a scam, but we got a slush fund.

    Everybody loves slush.

  141. Another interesting stat from that link. According to the CDC we typically have between 50,000 to 60,000 deaths in a week from all causes. That number has been falling like a rock lately. Now is this error in reporting or something else.

  142. It’s a fucking scam. Don’t know every angle but it’s such garbage that people who tell me to “social distance” make me want to do non socially acceptable things. IYKWIMAITTYD

  143. >>>That number has been falling like a rock lately.

    Well, if you’re staying home…you aren’t in lakes/pools drowning or getting in car wrecks or shooting your baby mama’s other wenis.

  144. The thing is if the total death rate is correct at 40,000 per weeks we could be losing 10,000 per week to the Wu flue and still just be a normal amount of load on hospitals. To date there have been a little over 4,500 in the US due to this virus. I’m not saying we don’t need to be careful and isolate were needed, but let just get back to work for God’s sake.

  145. You people don’t understand what’s going on!
    It’s “The end of the world, as we know it”, and it’s Trumps fault.
    Get with the program…

  146. It looks like Italy has been fudging their death numbers:

  147. Dalmatians enjoy rambunctiously playing.

  148. To date there have been a little over 4,500 in the US due to this virus.

    Thermadin, as of yesterday that’s not what the CDC claims.
    it claims 2100.

  149. Interesting video ^^^

    Makes you wonder …

  150. Paula picked up an ER shift. They’ve got them changing into hospital scrubs before their shifts and at the end of the shift they are asked to shower at the hospital and put their civilian clothes back on. I wonder when they clock out, pre- or post-shower?

  151. Today I’ll find out about the mask thing for my clinic. Whether it’s a universal precautions mask or a N95 one. Might be no mask. Who knows? Too many frigging email updates to keep track of.


    I remember that incident and now I’m wondering the same thing

    -adjusts tinfoil boxers and hat-

  153. My tinfoil bra and panty set is, how should I say this, not comfortable.

  154. Are we dead yet?

  155. Just pining for the fjords.

  156. Another interesting stat from that link. According to the CDC we typically have between 50,000 to 60,000 deaths in a week from all causes. That number has been falling like a rock lately. Now is this error in reporting or something else.

    Yea, well, I think many of the people dying were dying of something else. Test for covid – OMG THEY HAVE IT. Mark ’em down as another PANDEMIC death.


    wakey wakey

    I believe when they study these things, they look for “additional deaths” to see the true scope. 7,425 people a die on average every day. So … what’s the current number?

  157. Also, not to be morbid … but after this “event” will be see the death rate actually falls a bit because people who were vulnerable were taken a few months early?

  158. Sarah Hoyt article is VERY interesting. So … Covid19 has somehow CURED pneumonia related deaths!

  159. I kind of touched on that yesterday, but, yes, I absolutely think deaths from several other conditions are being added to COVID-19 deaths.

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