Auld Lang Meme

Oh you knew the song already?

New Tuesday thing. Pun of the day. I have to share all the puns from Punderdome, given to me by a very thoughtful Hostage.

Why were two kids fighting at the prom? (answer later!)

CoffeeShaking

DadsRealizing

DeliciousBreakfast

JohnnyCreatedTheGroupBarbeque

JustFeelingABitOff

MyAdviceIs

SmokingWillKillYou

ThatTimeOnSesameStreet

TheEconomyIsDoingSoWell

TheyFinallyCalledAProfessional

WhyDidWeLetMorningPeople

WifeTextsOnColdWinterMorning

Answer!

They wanted to beat each other to the punch.

TheySingBecauseTheyCan

Have a safe New Year!

136 Comments

  1. I love the DQ van fixing the stupid Mcdonald’s ice cream machine.

  2. ww

  3. Work was a little crazy last night. Made good money. Dishwasher might still be there doing dishes. Erin and and i both made top dollar for the night shift. Everyone else … I sort of felt bad*.

    I made $177 (for a five hour shift). Another girl made $75, and my one buddy made $65 or something. Erin made $10 less than me, but she got a huge $50 tip (on $70). I didn’t get anything like that. I got $65 or something on $225 so that was pretty good.

    I work tonight too.

    *** memo to managment, it doesn’t do the new people any good to put them in sections that are too big for them. I was pissy sorta because they gave me what would normally be a good section for a monday- but smaller (more booths, but no party tables) . Usually it’s not a big deal, because we only get so many table. Last night we went on a wait, so I would have loved a bigger section. New /young kids couldn’t handle it. Manager wasn’t thinking.

  4. Lazy hostages

  5. *yawwwwn*

    *stretttttchhh*

    *yaaaaawwwwwwns some more*

    *scratch, scratch*

  6. I was out shoveling the deck so the dogs won’t pee in the house. It didn’t actually snow all that much, but my deck acquires drifts in our prevailing winds that make me think building the sun room as it is was probably a terrible idea.

  7. Sigh. Payroll was messing up my paychecks (to my benefit) for the past quarter, so I got a shock once things started being as they should have. Just spent an hour and change on a wild goose chase before nailing down what was happening.

    Crappy timing. I’m trying to work the kinks out of my budget only to find my take-home is…not what I thought. Wish this fog in my mind cleared a year ago, the process would be much less painful and exasperating.

  8. Wrong numbers from your W-4?

  9. Pretax contributions. We switched payroll outfits a few months back and the transition wasn’t as smooth as might be hoped. Me and another person got affected. Spent a good bit of time trying to nail down the issue and understand it.

    Unfortunately this makes my budgeting issues worse. If I’d been paying attention I’d have noticed something amiss months ago…but this insidious “black dog” has had me fogged in for a couple of years, so I wasn’t. Now I’m digging out of my own mess and discovering things weren’t what I thought. At least I have a proper idea of the situation now, I guess.

  10. Soooo … missing gay guy (went missing dec 24th to meet someone from “grindr”) … was found throat cut, hung upside down and gutted like a dear while his “date” was eating him.

    Apparently there are more gruesome details. They’re digging up the dude’s yard to see if there are more bodies – he apparently had some room all set up for this sort of thing.

  11. That seems more than a little weird. Countless Hollywood types must be chomping at the bit to get the production rights on this one.

  12. The guy’s name was Kevin Bacon, so we’ve got an obvious person to be involoved …

    The dead Kevin was studying psychology, which … you know, ironic and shit.

  13. “Bacon”…… The jokes write themselves.

  14. It’s a sad and crazy story. But I just can’t get beyond the DON’T MEET STRANGERS FROM GRINDR/DATING APPS.

    Cripes.

  15. Any non facebook links?

  16. Meet strangers in public, with lots of witnesses. Remain in public, with lots of witnesses. Do not be alone with stranger without witnesses.

    Christ on a crutch, it’s like, “Self preservation? Prudence? Those are so Twentieth Century”…

  17. Details are not being put out to the public, but everyone in law enforcement knows, and I know people. I’m kind of “somebody”.

  18. I’m sure it will eventually make national news.

  19. He was from Grande Blanc, which is just 30 minutes from me. He was found 20 miles or so west of Flint.

  20. How awful for that young man. Prayers for his family and friends.

  21. Christ on a crutch, it’s like, “Self preservation? Prudence? Those are so Twentieth Century”…

    Hard to maintain such virtues when in the desperate pursuit of vice.

  22. It’s a horrific tragedy – not disputing that – but people do crazy stupid shit to get a high, and that can end in tragedy, that’s why we used to teach people not to do crazy stupid shit looking to get high.

  23. Yep, and it’s sad. People are so desperate for something. If they can’t find love, then they turn to vice, imho.

  24. I don’t think so many people would be turning to “vices” if they had … something bigger in their life. But people don’t read books or pursue hobbies or volunteer.

    So, you meet up with someone from Grindr on CHRIStMAS EVE.

  25. There was some meme a while back … which really struck me sort of deep for a meme. It was aimed at 20-somethings, who party every weekend. The people I basically know and work with. The comment was along the lines of “What are you celebrating?”

  26. To resist vice you have to seek virtue, but that takes knowing that there is such a thing. I see something of a modern resurgence in young men of reading the Stoics, but stoicism is ultimately a tragic worldview that tells you to stand straight and tall in the face of a fallen and corrupt world, but it can only tell you how to do that. Absent a loving, merciful, and just God, the reason for virtue rather than vice is shallow, a longer life with delayed pleasure, at best, and a lasting legacy on an ultimately doomed Earth at most.

  27. But people don’t read books or pursue hobbies or volunteer.

    So, you meet up with someone from Grindr on CHRIStMAS EVE.
    ——–

    Or worse, join bizarre sadomasochistic cults obsessed with fitness.

  28. we used to teach people not to do crazy stupid shit looking to get high

    Back when I was a dumb kid and a liberal, I used to think the “The wages of sin is death” was a saying of moral scolds who if they had power would put people to the stake for their transgressions.

    But now that I’m a slightly less dumb non-kid and conservative, I understand that “The wages of sin is death” is actually just a law of nature, and requires no outside intervention to take effect.

  29. Sad story

  30. Absent a loving, merciful, and just God, the reason for virtue rather than vice is shallow,

    I disagree with that, in so much that I don’t think one *has* to be religious to seek virtue. And, I certainly know waaaaaay too many people who do have a faith of some sort and … still are able to fit that life of vice in there without a lot of remorse. There are a lot of mixed messages out there – even coming from religious leaders.

  31. I think crossfit is a few pegs above grindr

  32. Mass culture pushes hedonism and an existence as a economic producing unit rather than as a human being.

  33. Reading through this and that about the incident, I read along the way that people do sexual hookups ALL THE TIME from these various apps, and they’re just fine.

    Just. Fine.

    Which, I don’t even know where to start in the unpacking.

  34. I don’t know. I’ve heard stories…

  35. “The wages of sin is death” = “Play stupid games, win stupid prizes”

  36. The thing is, Alex, that the young folks today are all about posing as human beings. Caring about this and that. Putting silly self-affirming texts on their insta or facebook or what not. But in reality, they’re merely absorbing another marketing scheme.

    They’re “finding themselves”, and indulging in a form of narcissism that borders on pathological, and they have NO idea.

  37. I always liked “Life is hard for stupid people”.

  38. Carin, my point was more directed at stoicism itself. It teaches you virtue in a very secular sense as an end unto itself, but it’s hollow without some eternal consequence for virtue that will never be observed by others. A stoic with the ring of Gyges has no good reason not to steal or kill or even just use it for eavesdropping.

  39. The thing is, the hookup culture is horrible and even the people participating, especially young women, don’t like it. But they don’t see any other way. Refuse to sleep with a guy and he’ll simply date someone else. Say that you want marriage and children in your early twenties and you’re a traitor to feminism.

  40. They don’t know any other way, it seems.

  41. Hookup apps are sort of like the ring of Gyges, now that I think about it. You use the app rather than your circle of friends, meet in private rather than public, and “no one” knows you did it unless you tell them.

  42. Really hoping for the safety of everyone inside the US embassy in Iraq. Miss Lindsey tweeted that Trump is sending in Marines and Apaches.

  43. I don’t see what good Apaches would be. Aren’t they busy running casinos these days?

  44. Joking about CrossFit aside, fitness is a great way to meet people and something good to focus on.

    How was it a couple alt right folk put it? “They want you to live in a pod, eat bugs, grow fat while numbing your mind with porn and video games and drugs, while living a childless, atomized life in between meaningless hookups. We want to encourage you to get fit, find real interests, improve yourself, and find a meaningful long-lasting relationship that leads to a family. Which one has your best interest in mind?”

  45. We want to encourage you to get fit, find real interests, improve yourself, and find a meaningful long-lasting relationship that leads to a family.

    Sounds like my dad, down with the patriarchy!

    /SJW

  46. This dump and reading and occasionally responding on twitter are as close to “social media” as I get. I wonder if I would have jumped into the social medial pretend life when I was young had the opportunity been available then.

    My answer? No. I was also anti-social as a young person.

    If I hadn’t met my husband and immediately known he was “the one” I wonder if I would have gone online to meet someone? Again, no, because I’m a big chicken. And I’m lazy, the effort to look great on a first date would have been too much.

  47. Carin, what happened to the Kevin Bacon guy? Did his older date kill him? What defacement happened?

  48. A very handsome hawk is perched on a limb outside my sliding glass door. He’s watching me (and looking for creatures) and I’m watching him.

  49. Dang, my husband went into the garage (which we are cleaning…boooooooooo) and he may fly off.

  50. Nope, stretching his talon.

    Best comment ever!

  51. “Think of it as evolution in action.”

    I always go back to the classics, and Oath of Fealty has never been more relevant.

  52. Two small birds were “yelling” at the hawk and started dive-bombing his head! The hawk eventually flew off.

    I should write action movies.

  53. We get eagles fishing on the river here and inevitably the crows start harassing them if they perch on the trees too long

  54. Mare, He slit his throat, hung him upside down and gutted him like a deer. Then proceeded, apparently, to eat him.

  55. In case you missed this

    https://tinyurl.com/vrnjfo3

    I sure miss his bracket …

  56. Oh. My. Gosh. Carin!

    Can’t someone just shiv this animal in jail and save us the garbage?

  57. According to Biden, there’s really no difference between coding and mining. I mean, both involved long hours in dark, cramped spaces with filthy coworkers, but at least with coal mining you only run the risk of death. With coding you run the risk of being lectured about which Unix variant is best.

  58. Mining can’t be outsourced to “PhDs” from points East.

  59. Look and listen to this thing. She’s why we shouldn’t have bullshit “studies” majors.

    https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

  60. Where is Hotspur? Did he go somewhere for New Years?

  61. Comment by leoncaruthers on December 31, 2019 3:13 pm
    Mining can’t be outsourced to “PhDs” from points East.

    Maybe it’s time to look at a career in your family’s ancestral trade.

  62. Heigh Hoooh!

  63. New Tuesday thing. Pun of the day. I have to share all the puns from Punderdome, given to me by a very thoughtful Hostage.

    Farewell, Oso. It was nice knowing you.

  64. Maybe it’s time to look at a career in your family’s ancestral trade.

    Electrical Engineering?

    My GPA wasn’t high enough when I switched from LS&A to Eng.

  65. Electrical Engineering?

    Providing room and board to wayward young women.

  66. Similar to Carin’s local tragedy, they are still looking for a Birmingham woman missing for over a week.

    https://www.al.com/news/birmingham/2019/12/woman-missing-after-leaving-bar-in-birminghams-lakeview-district-with-2-men.html

    “…the last text message from her to a friend stated she didn’t know where she was and she felt she might be in trouble.”

  67. In other sad news, the transgender daughter of a co-worker got arrested for DUI. I am curious as to whether she is in women’s or men’s prison, but I don’t dare ask.

  68. Providing room and board to wayward young women.

    I did enough of that in my 20s to last a lifetime…

  69. LS&A?

  70. Liberal Science and Arts?

  71. UMich being a “University” has several colleges. I started in “Literature, Science, and Arts” with physics as my ostensible major, then transferred to Engineering after a couple of years to improve my job prospects upon graduation. EE required a transfer GPA of 3.5 and mine was only 3.2 at the time, so I went into the (since eliminated) Engineering Physics program. My undergrad is a BSE in physics, which is essentially a BS in physics with a minor in mechanical engineering.

  72. Then what happened?

  73. So, Sean had a funny crossover post on FB and T. Lauraw and XB were funny on T. Russ had a funny response on FB. I miss when we saved our funny for here and the Mothership. And IB.

  74. Then what happened?

    I fucked up my life and got a job as a programmer.

  75. Holy shit, I didn’t need the crazybear decoder ring that time! I must be almost fluent!

  76. Pretty sure you’re the only one that didn’t need the decoder ring. Pretty sure.

  77. I fucked up my life and got a job as a programmer.

    Relevant to this statement: I just spent the last 4 working hours of 2019 trying to correct something a decent debugger or IDE would have immediately detected, but I don’t get a debugger or IDE because I get to develop everything in a production environment because there’s No Time! to set up a development and environment and everything is going be On The Cloud! really soon. There’s been No Time! for 6 months and The Cloud has been less than 30 days away for those same 6 months.

    This is why daddy drinks.

  78. I wish I could tell you all about some peoples’ situations that I run across at my occupation. Horrible things beyond their control. Your gratitude for the life you have would fill arenas.

    The New Year is coming nigh. Name your joys.

    I’m grateful for my wonderful husband, his health and mine, our loving family and friends, and the fact that I’m still young enough and have the energy to enjoy it all and do the things I want to do.

  79. also, the Territorial Seed catalog is out, yayyyy

  80. When the Hump is grateful, we all are grateful. I am grateful for Hostages, Disney+, and Dan. She is at the forefront of the mental illness brigade. Texas shooter was upset that congregation kept giving him food and not cash. Carry. Ammos and guns.

  81. Beasn?

    https://tinyurl.com/rc3llqx

  82. I am not at the forefront of anything except belltower hijinx and the efficient care and feeding of elderly flying monkeys.

  83. I am grateful for my wonderful husband, the rest of my family, and all of my wonderful friends, including those of you on the interwebz.

    I am grateful that I still have my parents, and will continue to be grateful for whatever time that I have left with them.

    I am especially grateful that I am an American (with one of the best Presidents in our history currently in charge).

    And that Hillary Clinton will never be POTUS.

  84. Seems familiar

    https://tinyurl.com/rgesxfa

  85. My daughter would choose to starve. She’s that stubborn.

  86. She would be eating bugs within a week.

  87. Things to be grateful for

    I’ll paraphrase one of my UMass attendings, Walter LeClair: “Any day you can wake up and feel your ass with both hands is a good day”.

    (He said it after dealing with his third acute traumatic quadriplegic from motor vehicle accidents in a short period of time).

  88. That’s a nice theory, but in the meanwhile you have a crying, starving child and a wife who thinks you’re a cruel bastard for holding out on her.

    See, in addition to being miserable and ungrateful, I’m also bad at parenting. That’s why my daughter’s menu only has 7 foods.

  89. I’ll never forget Dr. LeClair sticking a Cobb elevator https://tinyurl.com/uy36wmg in a guy’s spine and levering a thoracic fracture dislocation https://tinyurl.com/tu8pgt5 into place and then standing in the corner to let us put hooks and rods to hold it in place. One of those moments that sticks with you.

  90. Ben is trying new foods prompted by his HS peers who are applying the ridicule his mother didn’t have the heart to give him

  91. Yeah, my only hope at this point is peer pressure.

  92. There are a lot of chicken nugget kids out there.

    Not a lot of chicken nugget adults.

  93. Could the patient still feel his toes afterward, Jimbro? That seems pretty drastic!

  94. Paraplegic from a MVA with a transected cord. Yeah, it was drastic but necessary. Left an impression on me and tempered any desire for a motorcycle.

  95. Oh joy, the power just went out.

  96. You are saving the planet.

    Good job.

  97. Still have power here. Head over if you get cold.

  98. I’m grateful for my job.

  99. https://tinyurl.com/wctw4kd

  100. I’m grateful to have a job even if I dont like it. I’ll worry about finding another one in the Summer.

  101. Fuck the planet, I don’t want my food in the fridge to spoil.

    And driving to Michigan is a bit far. Ill go down to the bar instead and smoke a cigar.

  102. Don’t read comments at imgur if you want to retain any hope for humanity. They make YouTube comments seem erudite.

    I actually saw SanFran street poop deniers. Apparently that’s just Faux News propaganda. Not an actual public health crisis that’s been acknowledged by city officials or anything.

  103. Quick de-lurk.

    Yes. Y’all are scary.

    re-lurk.

  104. We really are. I’m thankful for that.

  105. I’m thankful to have people who are weird like me, even if you are imaginary internet people.

  106. I’ve been killing time with all these youtube vids of people blind-rating each others’ cooking like, ‘British mums rate each others’ roast potatoes and gravy’ and ‘black grandmothers try each others’ sweet potato pie’ and ‘mexican dads try each others’ carne asada’ and they are all pretty entertaining videos to watch.

    The cultural differences in how they criticize are really hilarious too. Like, Salvadoran women rating each others’ pupusas were all really kind, diplomatic and fair, but the American black men with each others’ BBQ are extreme- either heaping praise or goddamn vicious, lol. It’s not a gender thing, different episodes flip flop wrt diplomatic skills.

  107. Yes-yes, we are all very very scary and frightening and all that.

    *looks around*

    *HARRUMPH*

    let that terrifying harrumph be a lesson to all you lurking lot, ye bastards

  108. Oh God, the NYE neighborhood illegal fireworks/booms have commenced, already, Good thing we don’t have dogs anymore.

    Plenty of room under the bed for me, now

  109. Bar is quiet. All the amateurs went elsewhere.

  110. There are a lot of chicken nugget kids out there.

    I beg to differ.

  111. Left out the part about chicken nugget adults.

    Yes. Yes there are.

  112. Work was crazy. I’m pretty sure I had the high sales for the night. One gal made more than me, but only because she waited on a party table (crossfit friend of mine, my bestie) and they gave her a huge tip- TWO of the people at the table are servers. So that’s sorta cheating

  113. There are a lot of them now, they have groups online where they share stories of how awful it is to be so limited in their diets because other people think it’s weird, and how awful you are for judging their handicap. Many also deny that diet has any effect on human health. It’s basically the dietary version of trannies.

  114. We actually make really good “chicken tenders” at my work (from scratch) and you wouldn’t believe how many grown ass adults order them.

  115. I occasionally order chicken tenders if I don’t want some huge meal and don’t know what I want.

  116. I’m just saying … there are a lot of people out there with rather limited palates.

    Yesterday I had one of those … moments. Guy orders a Ribeye, then complains that it was all fat. He had cut apart his meat like he was a child. Anything touching fat, gone. He actually had cut away and discarded what was meat – with perhaps a bit of marbling it. He was really pissed, and had chosen about a 4 -5 oz section that we edible.

    sigh.

    I mean … what do I do in the face of such ignorance? He was basically yelling at me.

    Dude. Learn your steaks.

  117. The things I see people do to Ribeyes. Shesh. Get a strip or something. People be tripping.

  118. “Our strip steaks are less fatty with a more consistent texture, can I show you one of those?” to the dumbshit cunt.

  119. Well, yea, but that’s after he’s completely dissected the Ribeye. Look. If you don’t know steaks, just ask. I’m full of useless meat information.

  120. In ten minutes, I’m signing up for a full marathon. You guys have ten minutes to talk me out of it.

  121. Training for a marathon will wreck your Fran time. And your Chad.

  122. My fran time sucks. My Chad is just an endurance thing. My shoulder issue means I shouldn’t take lifting hard anyway.

  123. (Chad is 1000 box steps with 35 pound weight)

  124. one minute

  125. Marathons are the debbil.

  126. Happy New Year, hostages!

  127. Every time you run a marathon, Sean’s Penis grows in power.

  128. LOL. Well, I guess it’s gonna grow. I’m signed up.

  129. Another New Year’s at home. Nice and quiet.

    I would say the way I like it, but I’m doubting these days whether what I prefer is any real indication of what I actually like.

  130. With coding you run the risk of being lectured about which Unix variant is best.

    Run Windows. Then everything is equally miserable. Just like a democrat’s dream government.

    Happy New Year.

  131. This is the shit I read. This is from a PhD in Education:

    The window has been pulled so far to the right over the last forty years that there are no American politicians on the left, much less the “far left”. Sanders and Warren are centrists on an objective scale. Government provided education is a centrist policy. So is healthcare, the environment, livable wages, and other progressive policies.

  132. I like a good chicken strip once in a while. And ribeyes are the best steak, hands down. Fat is part of the magic.

  133. Happy New Year, wuvvies!

  134. Derpy New Year!


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