No more messing around, let’s save the planet!

Let’s hear your ideas for saving Gaia in the comments! Meanwhile, let’s hear a heartwarming story of planet redemption.

Great

“After our daughter of fifteen years of age was moved to tears by the speech of Greta Thunberg at the UN the other day, she became angry with our generation “who had been doing nothing for thirty years.”

So, we decided to help her prevent what the girl on TV announced of “massive eradication and the disappearance of entire ecosystems.”

We are now committed to give our daughter a future again, by doing our part to help cool the planet four degrees.

From now on she will go to school on a bicycle, because driving her by car costs fuel, and fuel puts emissions into the atmosphere. Of course it will be winter soon and then she will want to go by bus, but only as long as it is a diesel bus.

Somehow, that does not seem to be conducive to ‘helping the Climate’.

Of course, she is now asking for an electric bicycle, but we have shown her the devastation caused to the areas of the planet as a result of mining for the extraction of Lithium and other minerals used to make batteries for electric bicycles, so she will be pedaling, or walking. Which will not harm her, or the planet. We used to cycle and walk to school too.

Since the girl on TV demanded “we need to get rid of our dependency on fossil fuels” and our daughter agreed with her, we have disconnected the heat vent in her room. The temperature is now dropping to twelve degrees in the evening, and will drop below freezing in the winter, we have promised to buy her an extra sweater, hat, tights, gloves and a blanket.

For the same reason we have decided that from now on she only takes a cold shower. She will wash her clothes by hand, with a wooden washboard, because the washing machine is simply a power consumer and since the dryer uses natural gas, she will hang her clothes on the clothes line to dry.

Speaking of clothes, the ones that she currently has are all synthetic, so made from petroleum. Therefore on Monday, we will bring all her designer clothing to the secondhand shop.

We have found an eco store where the only clothing they sell is made from undyed and unbleached linen, wool and jute.

It shouldn’t matter that it looks good on her, or that she is going to be laughed at, dressing in colorless, bland clothes and without a wireless bra, but that is the price she has to pay for the benefit of The Climate.

Cotton is out of the question, as it comes from distant lands and pesticides are used for it. Very bad for the environment.

We just saw on her Instagram that she’s pretty angry with us. This was not our intention.

From now on, at 7 p.m. we will turn off the WiFi and we will only switch it on again the next day after dinner for two hours. In this way we will save on electricity, so she is not bothered by electro-stress and will be totally isolated from the outside world. This way, she can concentrate solely on her homework. At eleven o’clock in the evening we will pull the breaker to shut the power off to her room, so she knows that dark is really dark. That will save a lot of CO2.

She will no longer be participating in winter sports to ski lodges and resorts, nor will she be going on anymore vacations with us, because our vacation destinations are practically inaccessible by bicycle.

Since our daughter fully agrees with the girl on TV that the CO2 emissions and footprints of her great-grandparents are to blame for ‘killing our planet’, what all this simply means, is that she also has to live like her great-grandparents and they never had a holiday, a car or even a bicycle.

We haven’t talked about the carbon footprint of food yet.

Zero CO2 footprint means no meat, no fish and no poultry, but also no meat substitutes that are based on soy (after all, that grows in farmers fields, that use machinery to harvest the beans, trucks to transport to the processing plants, where more energy is used, then trucked to the packaging/canning plants, and trucked once again to the stores) and also no imported food, because that has a negative ecological effect. And absolutely no chocolate from Africa, no coffee from South America and no tea from Asia.

Only homegrown potatoes, vegetables and fruit that have been grown in local cold soil, because greenhouses run on boilers, piped in CO2 and artificial light. Apparently, these things are also bad for The Climate. We will teach her how to grow her own food.

Bread is still possible, but butter, milk, cheese and yogurt, cottage cheese and cream come from cows and they emit CO2. No more margarine and no oils will be used for the frying pan, because that fat is palm oil from plantations in Borneo where rain forests first grew.

No ice cream in the summer. No soft drinks and no energy drinks, as the bubbles are CO2. She wanted to lose some pounds, well, this will help her achieve that goal too.

We will also ban all plastic, because it comes from chemical factories. Everything made of steel and aluminum must also be removed. Have you ever seen the amount of energy a blast furnace consumes or an aluminum smelter? Uber bad for the climate!

We will replace her 9600 coil, memory foam pillow top mattress, with a jute bag filled with straw,with a horse hair pillow.

And finally, she will no longer be using makeup, soap, shampoo, cream, lotion, conditioner, toothpaste and medication. Her sanitary napkins will be replaced with pads made of linen, that she can wash by hand, with her wooden washboard, just like her female ancestors did before climate change made her angry at us for destroying her future.

In this way we will help her to do her part to prevent mass extinction, water levels rising and the disappearance of entire ecosystems.

If she truly believes she wants to walk the talk of the girl on TV, she will gladly accept and happily embrace her new way of life.”

101 Comments

  1. I wonder if Greta will cry when I collect the Nobel Prize.

  2. This is my favorite line, as I can picture the designer loving youngsters around here dressed like co-op dwelling hippies. And bitching about it the entire time.

  3. First, we’ll need five magic rings…

  4. What a stupid time to be alive.

    My challenge never changes when I hear people evangelizing about climate change: explain it to me. I don’t get it. Help me out.

    No one can.

  5. Or, you could just ignore the little cunt.

  6. The Earth’s climate is changing, because it’s always changing. What’s bullshit is man-made global warming. It’s based off of bad science with predictions that are constantly failing to come true. It only continues on due to a combination of a) institutional inertia because no one wants to buck the ‘consensus’, and b) there’s a huge amount of money and political power involved in “combatting” climate change.

    What’s worse is that the global warming hysteria has pulled resources away from legitimate issues such as air pollution, ocean pollution, poaching and overfishing, etc.

  7. Heh, I hear that it doesn’t matter if it’s man made or not, we have to DO SOMETHING!

    If it’s not manmade, there isn’t anything we can do, moron. Thats our point.

  8. … the bubbles are CO2

    Haha!

  9. It’s the hottest day since 1904! Climate change!

    Was it climate change in 1904?

    Derp!

  10. The industrial revolution didn’t change anything?

  11. The industrial revolution didn’t change anything?
    ———————
    No idea.

    Did it?

  12. Did what?

  13. I think they should allow their brat to have tea, coffee, chocolate, etc from other continents as long as it can be certified as having been hauled to the foreign port with animal drawn wagons, transported across the ocean by sail, and then transported from the home port to the local point of sale again by animal power. All that efficiency should also drive the price low as well.

  14. We’re still colder than the Holocene Optimum.

    And the natural state of the world is a snowball post KT-impact punctuated by short (10-12k yr) warm periods. We’re in approximately year 12021 of one of those. The next cosmic impact will almost certainly put us back in one.

  15. Humiliation is too good for these jackholes.

  16. The industrial revolution didn’t change anything?

    Not likely, if anything it staved off the next major glaciation for a while.

  17. Yes, it lessened our dependence on an agrarian lifestyle and made us even more capable of adapting to, and altering, our environment.

  18. If the aluminum battery thing is real, that could be huge.

    All the coal-powered and natgas-powered cars will be able to pollute less of Bolivia!

  19. The industrial revolution drastically increased the efficiency of agriculture and manufacturing, allowing for increased food production per unit of land, which in turn reduced the need for massive deforestation. Ditto for producing energy required to run equipment and factories.

  20. To Alex’s point, the major change was to effectively transition humanity into the world’s only petrophages. We “eat” rocks and oil mined from the earth, using the substrate of relatively small amounts of agricultural land and some additional energy inputs from the sun to turn the rocks and oil into food and fiber.

    If we switch to a thorium-based reactor as our primary electrical power source, the “rocks” will literally be rocks.

  21. Steve Keen has some interesting thoughts on the role of energy in economic models.

  22. Comment by MJ on October 28, 2019 9:06 am
    What a stupid time to be alive.

    My challenge never changes when I hear people evangelizing about climate change: explain it to me. I don’t get it. Help me out.

    No one can.

    ——–

    Yes, dumbasses, please explain to me (in detail) how taxes will change the climate….BACK?

    CO2 is good for the environment. We have more trees now than ever. Honestly, I read that but can’t remember where. Don’t believe me? Sod off.

  23. I thank God (often) that his beautiful system starting with a layer of dead animals (etc) can be used to fuel western civilization. We have a relatively cheap mean of transporting said fuel and a very easy means of getting it into our cars.

  24. North America was de-forested and then re-forested as we started farming the trees rather than just lumberjacking. Before our ancestors annihilated it, the bison herd was something like 2 BILLION animals, essentially the last great herd of Ice Age megafauna, and that means most of what’s now CONUS was vast grasslands (grazing animals make grasslands instinctively), so we now likely have trees where we didn’t when they were around. We might have less grass, though, it’s up for debate just how long the Mojave has been desert.

    The Britain/Ireland was a primordial forest with no cleared land to speak of when man first set foot there, and the Gobi has been expanded dramatically by China trying to re-enact the Dust Bowl, so I have to assume that globally we’re likely still short a few trees.

  25. I thank God (often) that his beautiful system starting with a layer of dead animals (etc) can be used to fuel western civilization. We have a relatively cheap mean of transporting said fuel and a very easy means of getting it into our cars.

    See, I want to skip all the mining and just synthesize octane from nuclear combined-heat-and-power, air, water, and lawn clippings.

  26. I’m sure a 15 year old can explain the world’s climate and history to you.

  27. No, I actually saw satellite photos, so they must have been comparing within the time of satellite technology.

    Besides, “if we are likely short a few trees” what’s that compared to civilization? Screw the stupid trees they are renewable.

  28. Fun fact: the moors of Ireland are man-made. They only look natural because the forest was clear-cut over a thousand years ago.

  29. When are you going to change the daily post picture? Tired of seeing that boy and girl everyday.

  30. No, I actually saw satellite photos, so they must have been comparing within the time of satellite technology.

    Pfff, barely a human lifetime. Just enough to get a first derivative.

  31. Interesting fact.

    Like Easter Island. Except… Easter Island…does it even have grass?

  32. True, Leon. True.

  33. I’m sure a 15 year old can explain the world’s climate and history to you.

    ———

    Oh, yes, and very dramatically.

    DUMBASSES.

    I have noticed (with adults also) that zero history has been taught them except Howard Zinn’s garbage.

  34. HOW DARE YOU!

  35. That’s the explanation I always get. And I live in a community with a large university, and they have a climate science program!

    https://ge-at.iastate.edu/

  36. When are you going to change the daily post picture? Tired of seeing that boy and girl everyday.

    Eff off. They’re permanent.

  37. I love it when Hotspur is around, he makes me look like a kindly old curmudgeon.

  38. “Green” is really sumptuary laws for the 21st century.

  39. The meat thing is the really, really stupid part, to me.

    The real answer to desertification and CO2 sequestration is grass-fed beef and dairy. You want millions of cattle being intensively managed at the edges of the world’s deserts. You want them eating lush grass, then marginal grass. You want them peeing and pooping and stomping about in the marginal grass. Marginal grass becomes lush grass in a couple of years. The desert next to the lush grass becomes marginal grass. Sand is just rocks. Grasslands are rocks and carbon and water. If you really care about greenhouse gases, locking water and carbon into soil should be a no brainer.

    But meat iz bad!

  40. I clear cut your mom’s forest

  41. Gross.

  42. Scott?

    “Essential oils weird cousin that lives in a van..”

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=94__rIXe3FE&t

  43. I reconnected with an old friend from the neighborhood I grew up in. He wants me to post pictures of me/my family.
    I poated the picture of my sweet avatar with no comment. –>

  44. I demand credit for this find.

    wakey wakey

  45. it’s on the last post

  46. Talked to my meat packer today. I bought a literal whole hog.

    My wife keeps threatening to go vegetarian on me because meat isn’t very palatable for her. She loses weight every time she drops her carbs, but then her pasta addiction drags her back.

  47. What isn’t palatable about it? I know there are many ways of preparation that are preferable to different people.

  48. Sous vide, smoking, crock pot, instant pot have brought a big variety of prep choices to me, especially sous vide and smoking. Sous vide is the least intrusive to method, it just take s a lot of time. But there are so many upsides to it.

    Instant pot brings a lot of variety, because the time crunch is no longer a factor.

  49. NOT GOOD ENOUGH

  50. What the hell is Carin babbling about today? Is she still delirious from all that exercise?

  51. Here’s how much sympathy I have for the retards in California:

    —–><—–

  52. Not sure, Jay. She likes softer preparations, like curry or taco meat or pulled pork, but doesn’t crave it, and almost never wants it alone. Has to have noodles, rice, bread, etc.

  53. Hotspur, you can’t bring me down. I’ve got a marvelous week scheduled.

  54. John Conyers died over the weekend. I thought he was already dead.

  55. Sous vide definitely softens the texture. Breaks down the collagen to a level you have to experience.

    Instant pot will do it too, crock is slower.

  56. Not trying to bring you down. Just hoping you’ll make me a sammich.

  57. What’s monica going to do now?

  58. What the FITS?

  59. MJ, wanna go on a 10 mile trail run with me on Saturday? GND can come too.

  60. IT’S A TRAP!

  61. I just picked the most delightful self-sown salad from the garden. In the end of October!! Let stuff go to seed in Summer, people. That’s all I’m saying.

  62. I get where your wife is coming from, Leon. When I low-carb I can’t do too much meat on its own. Makes me feel yucky. I need to have lots of veggie sides prepped and ready to go, and a stockpile of little crunch snacks like keto crackers, or else I’m liable to grab something starchy. That’s always my downfall.

  63. You’re thinking of the other fossil politician from Detroit, Hotspur. The one who died a year or two back.

  64. Dingell’s trophy wife still “serves” the greater Washtenaw area.

  65. MJ, wanna go on a 10 mile trail run with me on Saturday? GND can come too.
    ———————-
    Will I need to bring a shovel and a bag of lye?

  66. Probably not. With the leaves … and it just about to be winter in Michigan … they won’t be finding the body any time soon.

  67. How do you spell your last name? Just want to make sure I transfer my assets and baby boy in my will.

  68. Sweet!!

  69. He eats basically anything except for meat. Tell him how great I was!

  70. Coyotes can find it even so. You’ll want the lime to put them off the scent.

  71. You’ll probably rename him something Irish.

    I vote for Seamus.

  72. Seamus is going to be sooo happy. I’ll teach him how to ride Moose around the yard.

  73. I’m going to make MJ’s death look like a creepy, muppet auto erotic asphyxiation thing. Hiding the body would be counter productive.

  74. I’ve got some Anger Management Therapy Puppets if you need some for the ‘staging,’ Carin. Made in China, purchased from several intermediaries, totally untraceable.

  75. Worky worky

  76. I had to do actual work and missed Ace’s poat on the CBS polyamory article. This whole work thing really sucks.

  77. Oh man, MJ will never see this coming. What an idiot.

  78. MJ isn’t an idiot so much as he’s as gullible as a fifteen year old girl on her first date.

    Plus he’s easily distracted. I once took him out for beers and drank all of his every time he looked over at this fat chick sitting at the end of the bar. He kept saying that he should feel drunk by now but he felt fine.

  79. I remember that. Totally conned him into buying us Labatt’s and fish sticks.

  80. What did MJ say to the fat chick at the end of the bar?

    4/10. Smashworthy. I need a few more beers though.

  81. He sold it though. She looked eager and bought the next round.

  82. Were you the fat chick leon?

  83. https://news.usc.edu/161332/treatment-for-low-testosterone-leydig-cells-human-collagen-research/

    In Papadopoulos’s experiment reported today, researchers started with stem cells called human-induced pluripotent stem cells, which come from human skin or blood and can be developed into any type of cell needed for treatment purposes.

    On a hunch, Papadopoulos added human collagen to his soup of nutrients, genes and other ingredients needed to transform stem cells into Leydig cells. Collagen is a common growth matrix ingredient; previously, Papadopoulos used bovine or rat collagen, which are cheaper and mostly interchangeable with other forms of collagen, at least in early-stage experiments.

    This time, the lab-grown Leydig cells produced testosterone – and the cells even looked the same as their naturally occurring counterparts under the microscope.

    “It was none of the things we thought. We had tried different genes, chemicals, everything — nothing!” he said. “The human collagen was the secret sauce.”

  84. https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

  85. There’s a lot of anecdata that eating animal collagen can help raise T. No, what you make isn’t what you eat, but if you eat something close to collagen, you’ve got a much better chance of making it.

  86. https://meaww.com/amp/missing-teen-adult-video-pornhub-modelhub-snapchat-periscope

    Disgusting all around.

  87. Seriously, the leakers are traitors:

    https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

  88. Oh man, you guys are gonna love tomorrow’s poat.

  89. Were you the fat chick leon?

    It was your mom. You were that drunk.

  90. You fuckers are funny.

    https://tinyurl.com/y498k6zk

  91. Funny peculiar or funny ha-ha?

  92. Don’t worry about it. You can’t all be as funny and charming as me.

  93. Yes we can.

  94. charming-er

  95. This game needs to end in a tie.

  96. Pittsburgh was favored by 14?

  97. Survived the first day on the jerb. All went well. Co-workers are a decent fit….neither one of them is a ProgCom which means I wont have to develop a special contingency to eliminate them and just stick to the usual plan. Be polite and professional to all you meet, and have a plan to kill them if necessary. Started at 0830 and finished at 1900 (7pm for all you fags that dont know mil time). Appears 10-12 hrs days are the norm which is no sweat, and weekends definitely off. The work is a bit repetitious but the characters that inhabit these gaming places make the people of walmart appear normal…..so there is entertainment value there. Got peeped by a young gangsta type who decided to find someplace else to to be once I let him know he was on my radar. So far so good….we shall see….back tomorrow at 0830. Handled 1 million dollars today. Took 400k out brought back 600k.

  98. Sounds good. What kind of place is this?

  99. Sounds like TeeRoy runs the till at your Mom’s whorehouse.

  100. It’s really hard to tell at this time of night how offensive that was. I’m feeling regrets but I’ll let it stand, because I’m too tired to do all that editing nonsense. You can go ahead and kill me tomorrow if you feel like it.

  101. Darla expected Rodney’s participation.


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