Monday Motivational Mumbo-Jumbo

Soooo, all summer, I had “events” to train for, and dieting just wasn’t on my mind .   But now … there is not really anything on the horizon- no big challenges, etc. No excuses.

So  I stepped on the scale and this is what I saw:

 

4287465-a-scale-with-two-feet-of-the-person-standing-on-it-on-a-wooden-floor-the-scale-says--too-much

I’d like to drop about 15 pounds, so today is the first day of the rest of my … bla bla bla.

Onto the “motivational” pictures.

What do we have in the “binders” today… oh, lookie here …

Fat women:

th

 

Fat man:

I_578bca_781411

 

Fat Cat:

th-1

 

Fat Dog:

th-2

Fat mouse:

th-3

 

Fat horse:

5c2ff6042c735df4b7e08e9027b1a751

 

Fat Patrick Star:

enhanced-buzz-5666-1379190163-9

 

I think I’ve illustrated the “fat” point pretty well. But WHAT diet to do? This one looks nice:

 

chinese_diet

 

Ten pounds in a week? Sign me up. Week and a half, and I’d be DONE.  I can’t find any information on it, so if anyone knows the ancient Chinese secret to losing 10 pounds in a week, drop me a line.

Then there is  Eat All You Want Diet , which speaks to me on a spiritual level.  You are supposed  to read your body’s cues about what you need to eat, and how much, etc. Which … I’m pretty sure is how most of us ended up in the shape we’re in.

Or perhaps the Skinny Bitch Diet?

In essence this is an extreme vegan diet that describes meat as ‘dead, rotting, decomposing flesh’. The list of forbidden foods includes all animal products (meat, poultry, fish, eggs, dairy), refined flour, sugar, honey, beer, caffeine (coffee, tea, chocolate) and any food that contains chemical additives like artificial sweeteners. “Sugar is the devil and artificial sweeteners just as bad” they state.

Sounds like FUN!

I think the worst diet that I’ve actually known people to try is the “egg diet”.  I probably rolled my eyes the last time someone told me there were going on this diet.  LOSE 24 POUNDS in 14 DAYS!!!

Awesome, right?

How does it work? Well, this is basically what you eat:

Breakfast: 2 boiled eggs and 1 citric fruit.
-Lunch: 2 slices of bread and some fruit.
-Dinner: a bowl of salad and chicken.

 

…for two weeks.  Someone try it and let me know how it goes.

I’m going to just do the boring “count macros, eat less, work-out ” thing.   Mare is encouraged to call me a fat-ass until I reach my goal-ish range.   Macrostax is the program I’m using (it’s just an app) and I’ll up my running while I can, and continue with crossfit.

 

 

105 Comments

  1. Someone needs to add the read-more tag, because 1) I forgot and 2) I can never find it

  2. I’ve been crushing it for a month. 203 miles biking and a whole bunch of runs.

    I gained 1 pound. LOL

    Thank god it’s just cock weight.

  3. The Chineses diet has something to do with gulags. But, hey, if it works it works!

  4. Thank god it’s just cock weight.

    ———

    *spit take my delicious cold brew coffee, couple drops of stevia and a dash of heavy cream*

  5. Fad diets are fadists.

  6. I have no idea what that means but I laughed at myself so ya’ll get to share.

    I sort of wonder, does your dick get fat when the rest of you gets fat? Boobs get bigger, right?

  7. Which … I’m pretty sure is how most of us ended up in the shape we’re in.

    ——–

    That made me LOL.

  8. And for the record, Buttigieg is up to double digits in…Iowa.

    Biden 18
    Warren 17
    Buttigieg 13
    Sanders 9

    Staus:

    [x] happening

    [ ] not happening

  9. When you get fat your dick actually shrinks. Fatty tissue causes your T to aromatize to estrogen and feminize you, and the mechanical presence of fat around the base of your weenus reduces the available length. Even just being 10# overweight can lose you half an inch if you fatten in your FUPA first.

  10. Boobs get bigger, right?

    ——

    Yes, and so do feet. Everything. GROSS. There is a term I’m loath to use, FUPA, which also gets fat. Well, that’s what Carin told me.

  11. HAhaahhahahahahahha, Leon knows his stuff.

  12. MJ, maybe you put on some muscle?

    *snicker*

  13. Hey, Carin, I don’t appreciate your dig showing that fat horse.

  14. Well this has taken a turn for the gross and weird.

    With a small dick and fat vag how do fat couples do it? I’ve always wanted to know but I can’t bring myself to google it.

    You ever see 600 pound life? All of those chicks have kids and one got pregnant on the show.

  15. If Buttigeg gets the nomination, I’m punching MJ in his shriveled dick and fat FUPA.

  16. MJ, maybe you put on some muscle?
    ————————
    Yer hewer mouth. Shut it.

  17. I’m going to donate to Buttigieg.

  18. Well this has taken a turn for the gross and weird.

    ———
    That’s the best kind of thread!!

    But now I’m wondering about obese sex too. Gross. There would have to be a lot of Amazon buying of things to prop up this and that. Also, I think blindfolds should be involved. Oh, man, I’m grossing myself out.

  19. I got this article when I googled “how do fat people have sex”:
    https://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/article/bf084501-2eaa-4dc2-8ae5-81f4c71713e5

    We could have just asked “your mom”.

  20. I’m guessing missionary but there can be either kissing or penetration, but not both. And depth is pretty much out of the question.

  21. And depth is pretty much out of the question.

    Yea, that’s what your mom said.

  22. “I’ve never been below a size 16; I’m currently a size 24 to 26,” she says. “Some guys will say things like, ‘Can you even get on top?’ But [fat women] are just people who want to have sex with people who want to have sex with us.”

    Pro-tip: even if she says she can get on top, SAY NO. I’ve seen that episode of CSI.

  23. https://gph.is/GH6QoZ

  24. Oh my God, you people today. This conversation. What are you doing.

    I’m going to start posting pictures of skin diseases.

  25. Fuck Jim Carey. He’s a cumguzzling retard and he’s never been funny.

  26. EXACTLY, Mare.

  27. I can’t tell if this is real. I…I…I…don’t want to know.

    (X) Doubt ( ) Trust

  28. Fuck Jim Carey.

    Not even with your mom’s vageen.

  29. The partial list of slang terms for queers:

    Corn Flakes, Froot Loops, Frosted Flakes, Frosted Mini-Wheats, Raisin Bran and Rice Krispies

  30. Someone find the cereal thread we made.

  31. Oh my God, you people today. This conversation. What are you doing.
    ——————————-
    Sorry, mate. What I meant to discuss was the beautiful foliage around this area. Lovely trees all turning bright orange and red. Quite lovely. Most of the area around here is horse farms, or former horse farms that have been converted to neighborhoods. Probably the prettiest place I’ve lived.

  32. MJ, please stop, you sound like a Frosted Mini-Wheat.

  33. LOLGF

  34. Fair. I’ll stop.

    I’m telling you, it’s gonna be Buttigieg. I’ve presented a good case so far:

    1) He’s a sacrificial lamb
    2) Hollywood and the media will support him
    3) Rich white ladies like gay men, they don’t like minorities or other rich white ladies
    4) He’s so scripted…he sound safe
    5) Republicans hate gays narrative is super attractive
    6) Bill Clinton is a rapist

  35. I don’t care about Jim Carey but he does a damn good dry heave.

  36. I can’t wait for the bimbo eruptions if he does get it.

    You could kill his candidacy outright with one skinny guy who claims Pete didn’t use protection.

  37. If you’re taking in 10000 calories a day, how much do you go #2?

    Can you convert that for me Leon?

  38. Good advice. I forget who said this, doesn’t matter

    : “I met an individual when I was out boating one time who was a former funeral director. True story. He struck me as a really nice fellow. I was talking to him, and he said to me, “Every day is a holiday and every meal’s a feast.” And I said, “What?” And he said, “Every day is a holiday, every meal is a feast.” And I looked at him and I thought, “Wow, that’s amazing!” And he said, “You know, I had a massive heart attack. And I woke up after 20 years of running my funeral parlor like a grade-A you-know-what. I woke up in the hospital and all I could do was count the ceiling tiles.” And he looks at me and says, “Don’t wait until you’re counting the ceiling tiles to process that statement.” And from that point on, I tried to make it my personal metaphor, my personal tag line. Every day is a holiday, every meal’s a feast. If you can actually process it every day — it’s hard, because you wake up and you might spill coffee on yourself, you might be upset about something or having a stressful day — but if you can actually process every day is a holiday, every meal’s a feast, you’re better, work is better, and life is better.”

  39. Think how funny it will be to have Mayor Pete explain how he had icky straight sex to fit in. To hide his true self. He’s gonna have to ask for absolution from straight sex. LOL

  40. If you’re taking in 10000 calories a day, how much do you go #2?

    Depends on fiber content. Wayyy too much for soo-prize buttsehks to ever be a “safe” option, tho.

  41. Ok look, you just crossed the line.

    *points at line

  42. You asked the question, Line-crossy McLineCrosser

  43. I seriously thought you’d figure it out without out adding ‘commentary’ around anal.

    I should have known. Can’t count on you for anything. I’d fire you if I could.

  44. I was answering your implicit question. The one you were really asking, dancing around it hesitantly.

    You sick little Frosted Mini-wheat.

  45. You’re lucky all of this extra cock weight is keeping me pinned to my seat. I’d run all the way to wherever the fuck you live and kick your tiny ass, otherwise!

  46. Stop looking at my ass!

  47. I would, but how else can I look you in the eye?

  48. Every day is a gift. We all know people who have “suddenly” died. But feasting every meal can only be done sensibly if it simply means you’re enjoying whatever it is you’re eating even if that meal is something better for you than what you really want. I guess a hungry person eating a gas station burrito can enjoy it as a feast! I know I have. A dicey choice but that’s part of the fun. Surprise diaherra!

    I will also say that personal improvement is a good daily objective. Whether that be a daily selfless deed, treating your body better, or learning some wisdom that can improve your life or the life of your family.

  49. Fat bottomed girls
    You make the rockin’ world go round

  50. Ok look, you just crossed the line.

    *points at line

    ——–

    LOL

    Wait, do we actually have lines here? FU.

  51. Also, SHRIVELED CAULK!!

  52. I hate when that happens around the bathtub or toilet.

  53. Fat post

  54. Yea, feasting is in the eyes of the beholder. For me, life is to short to be unhappy. If excess weight is causing unhappiness, then you can either accept it or lose it. The “why” it’s causing unhappiness is important to.

    I’d like to run a little faster and fit into some of my favorite t-shirts. So, losing is my best option here. I don’t plan on eliminating any feasts. But not everything that goes in my pie-hole is a feast. smarter choices.

  55. Body Language Expert: Hunter Biden

    Heh.

  56. You can feast every meal if you only eat 4-6 times a week.

  57. I one asked your mom if she enjoys what she eats, and she responded, “Mmmmm, hmmm!”

  58. one = once

  59. One of the NCO’s attached to my college ROTC department used to often say “Every day is a holiday, every formation a parade and every meal a feast”

  60. Did he get it from the movie Aliens, or was it the other way around?

  61. If I lost ten pounds in a week, it would be water weight because runs.

  62. When you get fat your dick actually shrinks. Fatty tissue causes your T to aromatize to estrogen and feminize you

    That could be a good thing if your wife is much smaller than you and doesn’t want to die via suffocation.

  63. Wouldn’t the suffocation risk be worse if he were fatter?

  64. I’m leaving this one alone.

  65. Four temporary crowns installed on my front teef. I’ll get permanent ones in two weeks.

  66. https://www.elitereaders.com/pork-fat-most-nutritious-foods/

  67. https://tinyurl.com/y2v279vj

    This one’s bad, but cracks me up..

    https://tinyurl.com/y5g979sr

  68. Pigeons aren’t ‘having sex’.

  69. Then where do little pigeons come from?

  70. Yeah, “every meal a banquet” is what I heard.

    You guys talking about fat people sex have completely ruined Friday’s surprise.

  71. https://www.itweb.co.za/content/dgp45vaG8p5MX9l8

  72. Kurzweil said 2029, now 2035 is ten years early?

    I’m starting to be just a teensy bit skeptical of techno-rapture.

  73. I’m starting to be just a teensy bit skeptical of techno-rapture.

    HERETIC! The basilisk shall eat you first!

  74. My beer/bourbon belly is bigger than my co-workers belly. She’s due in November. See also 16 week pregnant co-worker. They’re both size 0 when not pregnant. (Triggered by post. Drinks bourbon and eats Sam’s Club bag of saltwater taffy)

  75. I lost 10 # in one night on the Chinese diet. Before I worked at Sam’s, went to a new location of a Chinese restaurant. Now, I know that the owner drives around with chicken in his trailer in 90 degree temps for hours.

  76. I have never put metal in a microwave. Left the plastic on a pizza. Just sayin

  77. I’ve put metal in the microwave. Twist ties are spectacular. We have plates with gold flake on the edges, they sparkle and crackle.

  78. When he was younger, #1 son put a Calphalon sauce pan in the microwave. I walked into the kitchen and saw lights flashing. I ran to stop it and there was a plasma flame circling the rim. Pretty spectacular. Didn’t seem to hurt the microwave.

  79. Hmmm

    https://tinyurl.com/y4jcn344

  80. On topic, I’m starting the “fat people fucking” diet. Every time I think about eating I’ll imagine that until my appetite dies.

  81. NASA gave all the employees a really nice glass mug with gold lettering for an anniversary (don’t remember which one, too lazy to go look in the cupboard). Mr. RFH kept putting his in the microwave and letting the sparks fly. You can tell the difference between his and mine with all the cracking, and I have threatened him if he ever puts mine in the microwave.

  82. Your appetite may die, or you might make a ham sandwich.

    Ham sandwich diet could work.

  83. Co-worker is taking his wife to Bar Harbor to see the leaves change…the first week of November. I have argued with him that he should go now or pick some place more southern if he wants leaf peeping, but by golly, he’s going to Maine in November.

  84. That’s only a couple of weeks from now, but northern Michigan will be bare by then. Is Maine much warmer than Mackinaw?

  85. I’ve been eating mostly ham and cheese omelets lately. Making beef heart chili tomorrow.

  86. RFH, Jimbro appreciates his tourist cha Ching.

  87. Limb lopping season is coming to a close,

  88. Really feeling my age and gender today. Candy reset. Young guys couldn’t figure out a layout. Old lady couldn’t consistently throw around 35# cases above shoulder height any longer. Trying again tomorrow. (Really tired of young people that can’t read a simple layout.)

  89. Maine will be dead and brown by then, sorry.

  90. Scott, Limb loppers were here early last month without HOA vote. Chased off my hawk family.

  91. Leon, I don’t think so. The webcam for Acadia was showing brilliant colors a week ago; in two weeks it’ll be gone or mostly gone.

  92. Vermont was peaking 1 1/2 -2wks ago when we were there. Peak to nada is usually about 2 weeks.

  93. Then where do little pigeons come from?

    Not from some freak raping them.

  94. He could come here, ours are just starting to turn.

  95. That hawt dancing couple in Pepe’s linky? The girl who did my daughter’s hair and makeup had a hawt body just like that. Latina. She was wearing leggings and boots, with no ass coverage. If I were a perv, I’d have taken her picture for a Monday. Nice, thick, wavy, hair, too. Wish my hair was that thick.

  96. SIL was saying how much their friends liked the house (our rental).
    Maybe all the love will convince the kids to buy it.

  97. This is so revealing, and so disgusting. Yeah, it’s a long read, but the ssci and Fienstein should really be taken to task, and imprisoned for this…
    https://theconservativetreehouse.com/2019/10/20/durhams-trail-leading-to-ssci-ali-watkins-never-slept-with-james-wolfe-it-was-a-cover-story/

    What bullshit.

  98. As fat as the POWs in Carin’s post..none are riding electric carts.

  99. There might be a pun in the poat tomorrow.

  100. *dons brass knuckles* OK. See you then.

  101. guess I’ll just skip tomorrow.

  102. Got the pics, nice!

  103. Dentists expect reduced plaque.


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