Quickie Meme

Lets see how fast I can throw this together

AHumanFartCanBe Louder

DeclarationOfIndependenceGoingToGlazeTheTurkeyWithLSDHowToDealWithABugIWasTold70PercentLeftyArgumentGuidelinesLightSleepersMcDonaldsCalledOutOrder867OkLetsStopUsingButthurtSheDancedLikeNobodyWasWatchingTransformAStarbucksEmployeeWeJustAteWhyAreYouMakingPancakes

Oh, you thought I forgot that I owed you 2 puns this week? No, I did not. mare emailed me to remind me. Thanks mare!

BeautyIsHereMyEndlessPuns

Happy Tuesday!

115 Comments

  1. Please convert thank yous and attaboys into monetary considerations.

  2. I give this post three of these – &

    Interpret that how you want.

  3. I just noticed a couple repeats. Piss off.

  4. Tell Erin that being miserable because of some bitch at work is a rite of passage and it makes you stronger. After she clues in about how some sourpusses are just in it to drag everybody else down, and can’t be improved, the ones she meets in the future will have less power over her.

  5. I used to have problems like that a long time ago, and told my grandmother about this woman at work. My grandmother told me that person is just miserable and picking on you because you’re young and she’s jealous and you’re obviously a nice kid so she knows she can get away with it.

    And Nonna was right.

  6. Honestly, it’s probably best to let Erin handle it herself. Give her advice in private, but let her fight this battle. She’s not going to always have mom around.

  7. I’ve told her that. Others have told her that. But someone NOW needs to tell this woman to go fuck herself.

    And I’m just that someone.

    There is no law that says you have to suffer fools gladly. Work shouldn’t *have* to be miserable. This woman has NO sway or power over Erin. She needs to be told to stay in her lane.

  8. Have Erin kill the bitch with kindness. And it’s good she’s learning how to deal with hags now. The bitterness, it burns…The bitch.

  9. If I didn’t work there, you guys would be correct. But I do. I would honestly stand up for anyone there being treated like shit. We’re sort of a nice big happy. Everyone is actually pretty pissed about how this woman treated erin.

  10. She’s careful to usually do it when the other girls aren’t nearby. Because (and I’m not just saying this) everyone LOVES Erin.

    One day, this lady told her (and I quote) “Fix your fucking hair”.

    That was a few months back. I’m done with her. I’ve been there longer. She’s a black hole of negative energy.

  11. And there is literally NO reason this woman … EVER has to even talk to her. Their jobs are almost 100% completely separate.

  12. And I did tell the managers that they could deal with it, or I would.

  13. Great poat, Jay.

    Although you’re getting a bit sassy a out punning is right in the face.

  14. “Fix your fucking hair”.

    “Just as soon as you fix your fucking face”

  15. Is Erin still a minor? Swearing in front of a minor is a misdemeanor in MI.

  16. Erin is 19 – this woman is 50-ish. She’s just not going to say what needs to be said to her.

  17. OH OH OH. I forgot to tell you guys a story.

    Remember sean’s penis? Well, this is about the first girlfriend. The sister of a coworker. She’s had a few more boyfriends/babydaddy’s since then. She was dating some loser, and had the sense to actually break up with this guy. Well. he showed up at her house Sunday night polluted drunk etc, and she told him he could sleep on her couch.

    She got up in the middle of the night and heard a huge thumb. The dude was HANGING HIMSELF in her basement. She heard the chair fall.

    She saved the dudes life, and then told him to get the FUCK out of her house. Police/ambulance picked him up and admitted him.

    But drama drama drama.

  18. I don’t get the Declaration one.

  19. I like sassy

  20. no pun on the declaration. It was in the folder.

  21. Wait, Sean’s Penis wasn’t the guy hanging, it was the current loser boyfriend?

    Sean’s Penis is a step up.

  22. Sean’s penis is on baby momma #3 now.

  23. That few? I would have figured #4 or 5 at least.

  24. I unfollowed Ford on LinkedIn. Nothing they post is business or innovation, it’s all trannies and #WomenInSTEM virtue-signalling garbage.

  25. To be fair, a LOT of LI is trannies and #WomenWastingTheirFertileYears bullshit these days.

  26. My advice to Erin since the offender pulls this shit when no ones around. Spear hand the offender in the throat (just a quick jab). Then loudly yell “Are you choking!” Then perform a Heimlich Maneuver until the nice lady pukes. Erin can be employee of the month for “saving” her co-worker…….

  27. To be fair, a LOT of LI is trannies and #WomenWastingTheirFertileYears bullshit these days.

    This. It’s obnoxious, but at least it’s a good warning regarding how much bullshit I’d have to endure if I apply those companies.

  28. Have Erin complain about the woman making unwanted sexual advances…..

  29. “She cornered me and said something about… fucking… and my hair!”

  30. I think Poisonous woman is pulling this crap in front of others, which is irritating them too.

    The best solution is for Erin to do it, tell Poison bitch off, but some people just aren’t like that. Since you work there, you are within your employee rights to say something, but it’s always going to rub some people the wrong way, since you’re mom. I’m sure you don’t give a shit, but Erin probably does.

  31. Why does anyone give a shit what some thug from the NBA thinks?

  32. Eh, Erin is really unhappy about the situation, and she even admitted to me this morning that she can’t say anything to her because she’s so much older than her. I made everyone aware that I’m unhappy with the situation, and most people are pretty much on my side because they all really like Erin.

    I don’t think it’s going to rub anyone the wrong way, and no one (there) is every upset about Mommabear behavior. Especially since it’s not as if I’m attempting to strong arm favoritism or something. I’m just going to tell this bitch to stay in her lane. If management won’t.

  33. …some thug with a made-up bullshit name.

  34. “One day, this lady told her (and I quote) “Fix your fucking hair”.”

    How about you mind your own fucking business?

    But I get her not saying anything…yet…because wtf, this is someone near her mom’s age, who’s got some unknown bug up her ass about her which is rather disturbing.

    Yeah, mom or not, I’d take your position and tell bitchface to back off if management doesn’t deal with it. What about Erin is triggering this woman? Can Erin ask “Did I do something to you.” …just to get a feel for where that bug is…

  35. The bug is that erin is 1) young, 2) pretty and 3) nice.

  36. Man, the HQ has really gone anti-cop. One commenter was right that it’s starting to sound like BLM there.

  37. The bug is that erin is 1) young, 2) pretty and 3) nice.

    Yup.
    That last descriptor is the provocative one. If Erin were known to be feisty or rotten, this seething woman would think twice before taking swipes at her.

    Erin may not feel comfortable saying anything very sassy to that woman because she respects her elders, but she could probably just say, “You’re mean.” I don’t know why, but this sometimes stops assholes in their tracks. They laugh, but it can still have the desired effect. My mom used this simple declaration on a real unscrupulous douchebag she used to work for and it was like magic.

  38. In other news, I made a turkey and escarole soup this morning that will make you slap your momma.

  39. I made a smoked-ham and cheese omelet with my CSA ham and eggs. Salsa to complete the plate.

  40. Years ago, I worked with a mean ol’ bitch that most people tried to avoid. One day another coworker – someone nice, upbeat, and good natured, had enough of her shit and told her that she was a mean old bitter bitch who was going to die a mean old lonely woman and if she didn’t leave her the hell alone, her next step was going to management and then file a harassment complaint with corporate. Mean woman looked momentarily shocked but stopped abusing that particular coworker.

  41. I’ll be rolling/baking kipfel dough later this afternoon after I take MIL shopping.

  42. Has Erin tried “Well bless your heart…..”, or does that only work in the South?

  43. Erin: I’d tell you to shove your foul attitude up your snootch, but it’s probably so old and dried up it might as well be sewn shut.

    Old Cunt: …

  44. I hope that helps.

  45. Lately I’ve been getting spam calls on my cellphone with the caller ID being like the call is from me. How do they do that?

  46. Just have Erin threaten to give scrunt’s son the “your such a good friend” speech.

  47. Comment by Hotspur on October 15, 2019 1:13 pm
    I hope that helps.

    ———

    HHAHHHHHHHHAAA

  48. Comment by Hotspur on October 15, 2019 11:05 am
    …some thug with a made-up bullshit name.

    ———

    mare loves Hotspur.

  49. Carin, take this in the spirit in which it is given (pissed off), your Mom is an effing nut job.

  50. What a great hair day I’m having. It’s perfect. Too bad it’s just for a day. I wish I could dip my head in bronze and keep this.

    Oh well, off to work.

  51. Yea, it’s shocking to me sometimes what she posts.

  52. On Twitter under Trends For You this is the bullshit the assholes at twitter think I’m interested in:

    #LeBronJames
    #DemDebate
    Watch the debate on nytimes.com and read analysis from our reporters.
    Promoted by The New York Times
    Impeach the Pres
    Ms. Romney
    Jennifer Aniston

    Shit, this is worse than the Amazon, Things You May Like Based on Your Previous Purchases link.

  53. Every single hashtag/subject makes me want to puke.

    Good job, Twitter douches.

  54. Eh, I’d bang Aniston, no puke there.

  55. I don’t want to bang her so, yes, puke worthy.

  56. But if you could have your choice of any woman, were you so inclined, wouldn’t you choose Jennifer?

  57. And by choose, I mean bang.

  58. Or as MJ would say, smash.

  59. Smash does mean bang, right?

  60. ‘Cuz if it doesn’t, I have no idea what he is saying.

  61. Yes, Aniston is 7/10 wouldsmash.

  62. Would one of you explain why Shep Smith leaving FOX is a bad thing and “may start an exodus?” Who cares? His creepy eyes should have been gone long ago and good riddance to anyone who is like him.

  63. But if you could have your choice of any woman, were you so inclined, wouldn’t you choose Jennifer?

    ———

    Like most lefty women I’d have to have her mouth taped shut but then, what’s the point?

  64. Shep Smith is being sodomized as we speak. That’s what he left for.

  65. Or maybe he left to join the Mayor Pete campaign.

    *wink wink*

  66. The cops are kinda making it hard to be too deferential to ’em right now. Plus, folks are kinda expecting them to go full jackboot when the time comes, so that’s coloring it somewhat.

    Me, I know enough folk in blue to kinda understand both ends of it. Wary, but not paranoid and automatically hostile.

  67. Aniston’s chronic single hood – while being super hot- indicates we may have personality disorder. So bang at your own risk.

  68. Hotspur on October 15, 2019 at 2:50 pm

    But if you could have your choice of any woman, were you so inclined, wouldn’t you choose Jennifer?

    No f-in way. Raquel Welsh.

    I bet she’d be a tiger in bed, too laeving you both exhausred, sweaty and tangled in the sheets. Anison would make you get up and get her a tissue.

  69. I gotta say…that anti-cop thread is the absolute dumbest shit Ive ever read over there. The sheep, they go baaaaa

  70. Leak BS is the CIA had reporters on speed dial for narrative and news dispensation and Shep was the first 🎶🎶🎶Ghostbuster🎶

  71. JA is trending for going live on Instagram and getting 50,000 followers in a matter of minutes. Co-worker does part-time work in the movies. JA asked for a water. He handed her a bottled water. She went off on her assistant and COW. I guess he could only hand the water to the assistant and not have any contact with JA. I assumed she was a pot smoking hippie. Always liked her in Horrible Bosses and Adam Sandler movies.

  72. Dan says he’ll get the pronouns right at work, but at home “It’s He/She”

  73. Technically, it’s She/He but Dan’s gotta Dan.

  74. One of my favorite youtubers is a cop in O hi O. I wish he was my neighbor, super chill guy. Tells great cop stories while he’s playing video games to unwind.

  75. West chimes in, all it takes is some hot Mare on Jennifer Aniston action. Duely noted.

  76. I’d take Judy Greer over Jennifer Aniston, myself, if only because she’s the voice of Cheryl on Archer. I’ve had a crush on her since that werewolf movie she did with Christina Ricci and the other guy from Dawson’s Creek/Fringe.

    Hearing her voice another character for StoryBots was really really weird.

  77. *googles*

    Dang. You could shave with her cheekbones.

  78. https://tinyurl.com/I-guess-there-is-still-hope for Leon’s time machine. You could have hit that in Jr. High.

  79. The heart wants what it wants.

  80. The heart wants what the dick wants.

  81. Fix your fucking hair.

  82. I don’t have any hair, insensitive clod!

  83. It’s almost debate time!

  84. Too bad this back bench group of fools will have to watch Hillary swoop in at the last minute and get nominated.

  85. Too bad this back bench group of fools will have to watch Hillary swoop in at the last minute and get nominated.

    Hillary won’t get the nod. She’s going to descend from the clouds to give her blessing upon the Chosen One, namely the candidate who promises the most goodies and positions to Clinton loyalists.

  86. Biden – “we must focus on Trump’s corruption”

  87. Comment by Hotspur on October 15, 2019 8:00 pm
    Too bad this back bench group of fools will have to watch Hillary swoop in at the last minute and get nominated.

    ——-

    True. But I won’t believe it until Scott tells us what is going to happen. His track record is damn good.

  88. If you’re the type who could vote for one of these narcissist projectionists, boobs, we can’t be friends.

  89. I was shocked to find out that the Hunter Biden interview included a question about his qualifications in oil and gas, and that he answered honestly that he didn’t know shit.

  90. Well, Tulsi Gabbard seems not insane.

  91. My husband is actually laughing out loud listening to the debate.

  92. I like Tulsi, she makes everyone else look retarded.

  93. She actually sounds kind of reasonable, which is dangerous for us. We are counting on any nominee from the Dems to be totally insane.

  94. This is horrible.

    Only Joe Buck could make it worse.

  95. Biden has to say “the fact is” in every other sentence.

    He just said ” the fact is the fact that……..”

    His brain isn’t right.

  96. Bleeding into the eye can’t be good for brainthoughts.

  97. Tulsi sounds reasonable, until she starts with the military industrial complex, Trump hate, and abortion.

  98. Yang…”and that will generate billions of dollars in revenue and we know best how to spend it.”

    Wow.

  99. I’ve worked in the military industrial complex for 20 years. She’s not entirely wrong to criticize it.

    Give me a dry martini and a couple of hours to walk you through the perverse incentives of the mandarinate and “war” profiteering and you’ll make me promise not to bring it up again.

  100. This is horrible.

    Only Joe Buck could make it worse.

    Thankfully he was arrested after that last dead male prostitute.

  101. More and more of my family members are signing on to the Radioactive Exposure BS. We were on the other side of the mountain, Big Boy. Still fewer losses than an invasion of Japan.

  102. Okay, can we officially say that Joe Biden is mentally incompetent?

    “clip coupons in the stock market”

    Hoo boy.

  103. Joe is done. Donors will shift after tonight to Warren, provided she promises in a secret powwow that she won’t take their wampum.

  104. Clintons are behind Harris,

    Warren dies,

  105. Harris is polling at what, 3%?

  106. It doesn’t matter.

  107. Scott is right about Harris. She is Val Jar and Barry’s choice. She is the middle. POC. NOT A COMMIE. Warren is the Bernie of 2016. She missed her chance.

  108. Warren is the squaw 0bama. I think she keeps her lead and makes Booker or Buttplug her veep.

  109. So Scott is calling the nomination for Harris?

    No surprise Hillary or Michelle? Yes Michelle “saving the day “ is a thing.

  110. Tulsi gutted Kamala in an earlier debate for locking-up hundreds of black men for shit like being caught with pot, while Kamala smoked it her own self..
    That’s why they tried to get rid of her, also because she does not come across as insane as the rest of the Dems.
    She is, indeed *batshit crazy*, as she wants to end sanctions on Iran and pull out of Saudi Arabia.
    Yes, it’s late and I’m drinking…

  111. Comment by Pupster on October 15, 2019 6:37 pm
    West chimes in, all it takes is some hot Mare on Jennifer Aniston action. Duely noted.

    I wasn’t sure if the Aniston bit was an inside joke or not, but had to defend Raquel’s honor. So I’d have a chance to take it later, or something.

    In reality, I’d have to disappoint Ms. Welsh, I’m taken.

  112. Comment by Hotspur on October 15, 2019 1:16 pm
    Lately I’ve been getting spam calls on my cellphone with the caller ID being like the call is from me. How do they do that?

    The caller ID data is only loosely associated with the phone call itself and is transferred in a separate data stream. Spoof the CID data stream and you can make it say anything you want. All you have to do is hack the device at your end of the call, or build one that inserts whatever you want into the CID stream. It can be done with software alone now that we have fully digital Internet (H.323) calling.

  113. Don’t eat Romanian peaches!


Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.

Comments RSS