Parking Ticket Memes

 

ParkingTicket

My wife and I went into town and visited a shop. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and I said, “Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?” He just ignored us and continued writing the ticket.
I called him an “a**hole.” He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tires.

So my wife called him a “s*ithead.” He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing more tickets.

This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote. He finally finished, sneered at us and walked away. Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home.

We always look for cars with Bernie Sanders stickers. We try to have a little fun each day now that we’re retired. It’s so important at our age!!

Summer is over, BOOOOO!

 

BurglarBreaksIntoHouse

 

BuysIPhone

 

DearAmazonIBoughtAToiletSeat

 

Finally

 

ITrainedMyDogToFetchBeer

 

MyWifeCaughtMe

 

NoSmokingWithKidsInTheCarLaws

 

OfficersHelpWomanInHeat

 

PeopleThinkIGoOutOfMyWay

 

WhatAreYouDoingWith4KBOfRAM

 

Whatisthisshit

 

YouMotherFuxxers

Aww, you forgot where the like button is. Let’s see if we can get you to remember where it is…

HowDoYouKnowHowHeavy

 

 

 

110 Comments

  1. Hackmatack
    Tamarack
    Larch

    All the same. I always think of crusty old Mainers with accent saying hackmatack and smile. I went back to that site

    http://www.treesofnorthamerica.net/

    and looked up trees by state. I was shocked to see California Palm listed as growing in Maine. There was some other desert tree listed as growing here. I’m not sure if it’s just a copyright trick to prevent wholesale copying of the site contents but it makes it less appealing to me to use it as a resource. Plus I couldn’t magnify any of the thumbnail images of leaves and bark. Pass.

  2. It’s slowly getting chillier here. I like to keep the upstairs windows open for a little cross breeze and slowly but surely the opened windows have been creeping down. Before too long they’ll be locked up for the winter.

  3. “Handgun purchasers with a prior DUI have a greater risk for serious violence”

    https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2019/09/190930114759.htm

    This is why they want increasing registrations. Using “Science” to regulate our behavior more and more. Next thing you know they’ll be telling us red meat is bad for us … or not … it’s all so confusing.

    BTW, the premise makes sense. DUI implies poor impulse control, risk taking behavior, perhaps chemical dependency so committing a violent act might be greater for this population. Why not look at whether ALL people with a DUI are more likely to commit a violent act? Gun control is obviously the answer.

  4. we’re having our Indian summer. days on the high 80s, 76 right now, and humid

  5. just wait, soon nothing will be bad for us

  6. I will be happy when our temps stop pushing 100.

  7. Today is supposed to be too hot for running. Pray for Oso.

    wakey wakey

  8. Predictive data modeling is almost always hard to distinguish from random chance.

    It’s a fools errand to go all Minority Report on the world.

    Besides, most gun violence is committed by young black men with stolen weapons. But we should ignore that, right?

  9. This wiki page has some serious bs in it. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frankfurt_School

  10. Stop with the racism, MJ. Never mind it’s a fact.

  11. It’s a fools errand to go all Minority Report on the world.

    It’s like using Fourier analysis to predict the stock market.

  12. Predictive data modeling is almost always hard to distinguish from random chance.

    I believe that was the point Philip Dick was trying to make. However, even though his was a short story, I’m sure this episode will turn out to be War and Peace.

    Or Gravity’s Rainbow.

  13. So last night at work I learned that the son of one of the managers (he’s a full grown adult 32 or something) believes 1) the earth is flat 2) we never landed on the moon, etc etc.

    I thought the flat earth thing was a joke (that there were people who actually believed that). I was pretty … speechless. I asked my friend if she dropped her son on his head when he was young.

  14. The turtle is out of sight in that shot.

  15. Flat Earth is a see eye ay psyop to make sure that the conspiracy-minded are easily discredited when they happen upon the real ones. Pizzagate was the same, so they could hide the reality of Epstein’s Pedo Island Resort.

  16. If the Earth is flat why can’t I see Wisconsin from the beach in St Joe?

  17. because you’re not tall enough.

  18. If it’s flat, my height shouldn’t matter, Jay. I can’t even see it from the top of Tower Hill. You can (or could, 20 years ago) hangglide off of that sucker.

  19. beach implies waves. You can’t see over the waves.

  20. It’s a rough, rough day on Lake Michigan when the waves are taller than me, and it’s a fucking inland tsunami if they are taller than Tower Hill.

  21. Slightly punny at the end but good, very good.

  22. Beasnsnsnsnsns is right about Bloomberg, I forgot my own rule, ALWAYS follow the money.

  23. Mark Hamill is a damaged, out-of-work actor who’s never recovered from his coke habit. He showed up to destroy his most iconic character on screen because he needed a paycheck.

  24. That’s an interesting theory Leon (discrediting issue).

  25. I shaved off my beard.

  26. I’m convinced. Pizzagate came out of 4ch/8ch, and we know that the three-letter-agencies watch sites like that because it’s easier than doing real intelligence work. Planting partial truths mixed with laughable falsehoods is Culinary Institute of America’s bread and butter.

    Right before Flat Earth went viral, there were some TradCats that were shopping out Stationary Earth/Geocentrism. Hour-long documentaries with high production values (one was even narrated by the lady who played Capt Janeway on Star Trek, she claimed later that she just read lines and had no idea what the overall thesis was). The timing of this perfectly coincided with when the 0bama admin was (we now know) pushing a number of “catholic” orgs meant to sow discord in the Church, like Catholics for Choice and so forth. Is it really so beyond the pale that they might fund some crackpots to boost the signal?

  27. Meh, run of the mill for the Anti/Never-Trumpers.

    Trump 2020 – because Fuck You Again.

  28. Hotspur had a beard?

  29. For two years.

  30. Stationary Earth = the one about Earth at the Center of the Universe? So we’re back to the Middle Ages now?

  31. The earth doesn’t move, Jay. Everything else is moving around it. That’s what the “science” tells us.

    I actually think it’s more pernicious than Flat Earth, because the average person can’t disprove it at all. The phenomena experienced by the average human includes almost nothing to argue against it.

  32. Just like vaccinations. Natural selection in progress.

  33. here I didn’t think they believed in God, and the church. I believe that theory is straight from the Vatican, right? Never mind the time.

  34. actually can’t the average person prove it, with rudimentary tracking skills? They did in the past.

  35. Not exactly. Gallileo had 3 things that he wanted to teach as facts at a time when the Church had a lot more temporal power than it ought to have. One of the things he wanted to teach that the Sun was the center of the universe rather than the Earth (Ptolemic system), and the Church told him that you can’t teach that as fact without more evidence, and censured him — with which he willingly complied.

    He was, of course, actually wrong, but Black Science Man thinks this was persecution by the Church. He was actually wrong about the other 2 things too, but I don’t recall what they were. One was something about comets.

  36. FIL was pretty controlled this weekend. I still hate his fucking guts but at least he only started talking about abortion once at a family lunch.

    That’s pretty good for him.

  37. actually can’t the average person prove it, with rudimentary tracking skills? They did in the past.

    You can prove relative motion of things around the Earth, but the “dome of the sky” appears to rotate around the Earth (because it’s so far away) and the sun appears to rise and set, it’s only the planetary motions that give you any real clue, as I understand it. Some subtle hints in coriolis forces that there might be rotation, but again, subtle, and you might just think that’s a property of water draining until you cross the equator.

  38. Have you tried ridicule, MJ? I find it to be quite effective. Lay the sarcasm on pretty thick. They don’t catch on fast.

  39. Polar-orbit satellites would only work (in the sense of getting full-planet scanning coverage) if the Earth rotates, but don’t tell the Geocentrists that.

    In their defense, at least they believe in space and gravity.

  40. Prior to the development of the telescope it was impossible to prove heliocentrism, because any heliocentric model could be made geocentric simply by changing the frame of reference. The H versus G debate had been going on since the ancient Greeks, and neither side had models that were accurate enough to displace the other. At the time of Galileo the science was actually in favor of geocentrism. Galileo’s observations were interesting, but not enough to be considered proof.

    The thing is, the Church didn’t actually care about the debate. They were willing to entertain any evidence for either side and if there was conclusive proof of heliocentrism, then they’d re-evaluate their interpretation of the Bible. What Galileo got into trouble for was that he started delving into theology based on his theories, right around the time that the Church was in the midst of a counter-reformation and the Thirty Years’ War was kicking off. It didn’t help that he also got himself in the middle of Church politics, especially the feud between the Jesuits and the Dominicans, and that he managed to piss off most of the scientific community of Europe at the time, so people where unwilling to come to his aid at the end.

  41. Have you tried ridicule, MJ? I find it to be quite effective. Lay the sarcasm on pretty thick. They don’t catch on fast.
    ————————–
    Every once in awhile, but he’s a pretty angry guy so I just avoid him all together now.

    Mostly I just ask him to explain things until he gets purple with rage.

  42. So, MJ – you and GND are up for the next Ragnar in Michigan?

  43. We have a sign in the powder room that says, ‘POWDER ROOM’. It’s kind of cute. Whatever. I hang what GND says to hang. He, of course, mentioned as if we were making some sort of cocaine double entendre.

    As if we’re ducking into the BR between meetings and kid wrangling to do a line or two.

    Of course, that’s what he did so he thinks it’s funny.

  44. So, MJ – you and GND are up for the next Ragnar in Michigan?
    ——————————-
    Road race? Yes, but just me. She was pretty sure a van wasn’t her thing.

    I’m seriously so proud of you for doing that. You’re old. Broken down. Nearly dead. Questionable taste in music. But you still managed to run an awesome race.

  45. H2 Ragnar Team.

    We’ll get someone to drive the Banglor Party Van.

  46. H2 Ragnar? I might entertain that. Could be fun.

  47. The trail race is the next one. In June. Just saying. Grayling Michigan.

  48. H2 Ragnar. Lol.

  49. After the race, there as been so much enthusiasm from other gym members, etc … we may have to do two teams, but I worry we can’t fill two teams. So adding in some H2 people for the hilarity … Coalex met one of my team mates. Kaylee. Redhead at the concert.

  50. Imagine the stickers. Animosity International magnets.

  51. LOL.

  52. Pupster no Ragnar.

  53. I could be your Newfie wrangler.

  54. did you mean “know” … like you want more information?

  55. I’ve kept this beard for about the last three years, I was going to shave it off for job interviews but I was hired over the phone and emails. Probably not the best decision in hindsight but it got me to North Carolina.

  56. So sad you had to leave beautiful sunny Minnesota.

    *single tear

  57. L to R
    Ragnar, Pupster

    https://tinyurl.com/y6njgtdr

  58. Mark Hamill is a *unt.

    Imagine being that pathetic. I bet you can’t.

  59. I still hate his fucking guts but at least he only started talking about abortion once at a family lunch.

    ——–

    I still hate him too.

  60. I’m seriously so proud of you for doing that. You’re old. Broken down. Nearly dead. Questionable taste in music. But you still managed to run an awesome race.

    ———

    Good one, Dick!

  61. L to R
    Ragnar, Pupster
    ———————-
    I seriously can’t stop laughing.

  62. They had pizza and beer after Ragnar. Just sayin.

  63. It’s interesting watching the left descend into madness. When Trump wins again they will totally lose their minds.

  64. I’ll be the guy holding the DONT’ SHIT YOURSELF!!! sign for encouragement

  65. They’re so silly, Mare.

    Only Trump can hurt himself.

  66. Comment by Jimbro on October 1, 2019 12:22 pm
    I’ll be the guy holding the DONT’ SHIT YOURSELF!!! sign for encouragement

    ——-

    HAHAHHHHAHAH . I wish I would have said that.

  67. https://www.foxnews.com/tech/mark-zuckerberg-elizabeth-warren-president-facebook-sue-government

    he comments, obtained by The Verge, span a wide range of topics and deep insight into Zuckerberg’s thinking, going much further than the usually stoic CEO appears in public.

    “You have someone like Elizabeth Warren thinks that the right answer is to break up the companies … I mean, if she gets elected president then I would bet that we will have a legal challenge, and I would bet that we will win the legal challenge,” Zuckerberg is quoted as saying in two Q&A sessions with Facebook employees during July.

  68. I’ve seen a few trial balloons sent up from Wall St too, Alex.

    As in, we’ll keep our money to ourselves if she wins the nom.

  69. They’re just ransoming promises to ensure that they keep their monopolies. Warren will bend the knee and swear fealty if she gets the nomination, she needs the money.

    Went in for ultrasonic scaling on the right side of my mouth and picked up my new “office prescription” glasses (corrected to 20/40) from LensCrafters.

  70. Rageaholic knows how to turn a phrase

  71. Gotta take Moose to the Soggy Doggy and give him a bath.

    Pray for Oso.

  72. “When Trump wins again they will totally lose their minds.”

    For the record, I never said we’d be the ones to start it.

    @CoAlex…. Im surprised youtube allows that vid to exist…going to have to check out his other “offerings”

  73. Rageaholic is like a machine gun unfiltered Dennis Miller. Got a lol out of “ten, twenty titty times”.

  74. Teeroy, I had the same take. Very much like a young Dennis Miller.

  75. Rageaholic was good.

  76. Bought some kale chips from Aldi. BLECH!! Yuck. GAK

    I should have saved the money and eaten some of our lawn SYWM!!, probably would have tasted better.

  77. Repeat after mare,

    Beasnsnsnsnsns is right

    It’s all incremental. Never say ‘never’.

    My MIL, ethnic German, grew up in the former Yugoslavia. She has stories. While watching the shitshows coming out of D.C. she gets deja vu. She hates commies and the lying games they play.

  78. Nothing good comes out of Chicago.

    I feel for you, TTroy. We watch that shitshow from across the river and pray the infection doesn’t migrate.

  79. So, how was your day?

    https://tinyurl.com/y2y2gcbp

  80. Did a big run to the restaurant supply and filled both freezers with meat. Spent a big part of the day portioning and vacuum-sealing.

    We should be set for a long time. That always feels so nice. Less running to the store in Winter.

  81. Mr. TiFW has a subungual in situ melanoma.

    He has had a nasty-looking purplish longitudinal section on one of his nails for the longest time, but never would listen to me when I told him he needed to have it looked at.

    His doctor finally told him, “That doesn’t look good”, and made him an appointment with a dermatologist last week. Dermatologist wasted no time in taking a biopsy.

    Got the results yesterday, saw the dermatologist again today, and will be seeing a surgeon tomorrow.

    He will probably lose the nail, but at least he won’t be looking at a fingertip amputation.

    And in situ means that it has not begun to spread, so he isn’t going to need any further treatment.

    Thank goodness.

  82. Prayers for Mr. TiFW and a swift recovery.

  83. Prayers for Mr T.

  84. Comment by Pupster on October 1, 2019 4:55 pm
    So, how was your day?

    ==========

    Actually went pretty well. #1 son had to drive the backhoe about 10 miles away to fix a road for another ranch he’s working on. When he went back to drive it home yesterday, it wouldn’t run for more than a few seconds. Fortunately we had the 2 fuel filters that it uses on hand. We drove over this morning at first light. Took off the first fuel filter and found some nasty gunk clogging it up. Cleaned everything, dropped in a new filter. and it ran great. I probably need to drop the tank and figure out how to flush it out, but it’s a big pain to do it. It weighs around 175 pounds empty.

    Finished a knife, and made some adjustments for the next batch.

  85. Prayers for Mr. TiFW’s full and swift recovery.

  86. sounds like the best prognosis on a scary situation!

  87. Prayers for minimal discomfort, good meds, and a speedy recovery for Mr. TiFW.

    @ Beasn. Good thing I dont live anywhere close to Shitcago. I happily reside well within the red zone, center state in a small farm town that would give Mayberry RFD a run for its money. We have 3 police officers here. Mayberry had 2. Round here, anything north of I80 is enemy territory as we have the Capitol surrounded. If I ever relocate in the future it’ll be due west because the River is going to be a major factor in the future. I like your state, especially the mid and southern parts. And according to the history I’ve traced my family (fathers side) back to Sedalia in the 1880’s.

  88. Err on the side of caution and rub some dirt on it.

  89. Yikes! Prayers up for Mr. TiFW and his doctors.

  90. I would just like to use this space to tell MJ’s FIL to go fuck himself, as suggested in the comments header, because it’s a grand idea.

    Dear Mr. Fucktard FIL,

    You are an embarrassment to your daughter, who married a swell guy. She dies a little bit inside, every day that you show your ass in his presence.

    You are allowed to be a part of your grandchild’s life only by that man’s genteel tolerance and restraint, which you really shouldn’t test much, but you probably will, because a leftist druggie shitheel such as yourself simply knows no other way.

    Sir; here is a pineapple. I have attached a diagram for your instruction as to what to do with it. You will note it is written in Fucktardese for your convenience.

    Go Fuck Yourself,

    lauraw

  91. I’d listen to scott. I’m sure he’s moved stuff for a doctor.

  92. I am pre med.

  93. Yay! October Baseball! America’s Pastime!

  94. I want Lauraw to write my life story.

  95. Ooooo. A multimedia commission.

    *starts searching for .gifs of puppies being born*

  96. Roamy ♥ lauraw.

  97. Derp. (fixed pic embed)

  98. I don’t understand October baseball. (Shut Up Jay)

  99. I ❤️ BCoch and Roamy. H8 the Braves. H8 the Dodgers. Gearing up for baseball.

  100. He spelled football wrong.

  101. Truck at grocery store today with the douchebag duo..Patriots and Cubs

  102. He spelled football wrong.

  103. I H8 speaking. RLF when I speak Chinese RL Friend is all “Stahp speaking Mandarin”

  104. I’m helping my gardening mentee tomorrow morning. We’re going to divide her daylilies and get compost and stuff. Last time, we were in my yard tearing things down and getting ready for Fall.

    If any of you have a hobby that you can’t share because nobody in your family gives a rat’s ass about it, I highly recommend getting a mentee. So much fun. And, she makes me Indian food treats. Last time she made me this sweet drink out of almonds and carrots and milk that was freakin’ delicious.

  105. A gardening manatee? Cool!

  106. Dudley’s etchings remained praiseworthy.


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