Emergency Puns!

There has been a request to post something, so I threw together the worst puns I could imagine.


Ok, just kidding, not all are puns.









But, there will be one more pun!




  1. No awards, please, I do this for love.

  2. No one knows who they were, or where tgey came from…

  3. Not bad.

    Can confirm about mental illness. Physical illness you can tell something’s amiss, it’s bloody obvious what with pain and vomiting and why-is-my-leg-turning-purple and such. When your brain goes unreliable, well, you tend to be the last one to figure it out while everyone else around you who ISN’T impaired with an unreliable internal narrator sees it plain as day.

    Swear to God, I would not have gotten help if I hadn’t basically been ordered to at work after a complete collapse. I’m thankful they did.

  4. welcome to our corner of wordpress, Nigel. Please enjoy your stay!

  5. Sometimes people try and help, BC. But we don’t know how to do it, either. We are taught not to be invasive. But you have to be, to help, sometimes. It’s a fine line.

  6. *wonders if scott and laura are enjoying the CT bag law I read about.

  7. guess we didn’t need a new poat after all.

  8. I enjoyed the break. I slept in until almost 8 and didn’t have to look pictures.

  9. Still fighting the last bit of a sinus infection that had me losing a ton of sleep all of last week. Kids bring home the worst bacteria imaginable.

  10. How is Possum doing with preschool?

  11. Better, but she was out all last week with the same infection she shared with me (she has a classmate with CF so we’re trying to be extra careful about her going in sick). I’m hoping she will remember her training and we won’t have an accident when she goes back today.

  12. I’m at home recovering from some stomach bug / lack of sleep (see how well YOU sleep when nausea hits at 2 in the morning!) Not a great start to a new week, but eh.

  13. It’s a hoot, Jay. They figured they would rake in $50 million dollars with the new bag tax.

    Grocery stores said screw that, and stopped offering them.

  14. “Kids bring home the worst bacteria imaginable….”

    Don’t worry, by the time they are done with 5th grade, it pretty much quits. They get it at beginning of the school year, then it dies down as their immune systems adapt. Of course, you get entirely different types of Ebola after Thanksgiving break, and after Christmas break, and Easter break. Have fun!!

  15. https://www.nrcm.org/maine-environmental-news/maine-bans-single-use-plastic-bags/

    I’ve been waiting for my local grocery store to stop putting my groceries in plastic bags but I just read we’re doing this on EARTH DAY 2020. Oh the symbolism! I’m surprised the 5 cents fee isn’t going to the state to fund pension programs, er, environmental causes!

  16. Where will I put cat turds if I have no plastic grocery bags?

  17. I just reread the New Yorker profile on Hunter Biden. It was an attempt to clean up his baggage prior to VP Sniff’s run for the presidency.

    It’s hard to comprehend the level of graft that goes on right in front of our eyes. He’s a crackhead–an actual crackhead– that was making millions of dollars a year because…why exactly?

    A Chinese businessman gave him a 2.8 carat diamond after they discussed working together–while Hunter Biden was trying to pry a million dollar donation out of him for the UN. It’s all just a giant scam.

    He’s since misplaced the diamond. Didn’t think it was a big deal. LOL

  18. Yeah, the Hunter Biden thing is hilarious. Fucker couldn’t keep himself clean long enough to pass a piss test.

  19. These are the people who lecture us about morality. These are the people who peddle this crap as somehow being more enlightened than those regressive, patriarchal bigots who believe in antiquated ideas like sexual modesty, and monogamy. Also, there was a comment going around on Twitter along the lines of, “the Sexual Revolution was a chauvinist plot to convince women to spread their legs for free” and the twit twats were all in an insulted huff over it even though it’s true. The goal of the sexual revolution was to convince women to go against their instincts in order to seem “great and fun”.

    Comment by Colorado Alex In Exile on September 23, 2019 9:45 am
    Haha! mare, look up a couple of comments.


    Oops, sorry Alex! Great minds? And you’re right, these sexual deviants have the balls to lecture us on anything? Pfffffffftttttttt

  20. Hey, Jay, I got your award right here!

    *points to the cat box*

    But seriously, this is a funny poat.

  21. I actually like the Sir Cumference pun. BUT DON’T GET COCKY!

  22. he sounds like a guy who, if he sought help, would greatly benefit from it. It also sounds like there’s no way he’d ever step foot in a clinic for that purpose.

    Yes, he may benefit. He took anti-depressants for short time and that was it.
    One reason he doesn’t keep a steady job is because he owes Uncle Sam back taxes and he doesn’t want to pay them ever again. Taxes are a scam and the U.S. is illegitimate. I agree with the former and he’s f*cked in the head on the latter.

  23. The ‘for kids’ and ‘for husband’ is spot on. It was the same way in my house but substitute ‘kids’ with ‘guinea pigs’. When asked why I gave the pigs primo lettuce/veggies and he got the leftovers, I told him that piggies can’t tell me when their tummies hurt, he can.

  24. Hotspur – I’m pretty sure the ragnar has us running RIGHT by your old place in Frankfort.

  25. Btw, he was just jelly of the pigs. He’ll eat stuff that fell on the floor or things I would have tossed.

  26. Tell him it could have been worse, you could have been a horsewoman.

  27. Husband went hiking in the Rocky Mountains by himself (there are others on the trails). His buddy paid for his hotel with ‘points’ (he travels A LOT for his jerb). Husband tried to give him $$ for it, which he refused.
    He used points. His wife has been out of town for the past month and has spent every one of those weekends with you. He owes me. Thank him and be done. Hopefully he won’t be eaten by a bear.

  28. He’ll eat stuff that fell on the floor or things I would have tossed.
    The classic line is “Here, eat this or I’m just going to throw it out”.

    Uh, you want to feed me food you’d otherwise classify as garbage? It’s turned into a running joke at my house and every once in a while Paula gets me giggling with it.

  29. That sounds weird. His friend spent every weekend his wife was out of town, with Mr. B..

  30. We have the same line here, jimbro. We have different ideas on how long you can keep leftovers in the fridge. After one day, I won’t touch it. Husband will up til 3 or 4 days after.

  31. Most of the time, I will portion out and freeze leftovers. Reduces any problems.

  32. Evergreen part 13!

  33. Here, my husband always does this “I think this has gone bad … smell it” .

    Uh … hard pass.

  34. Called out Sefton on his German hate shit in the comments. I should be banned pretty soon.

  35. Does this look infected?

  36. german hate shit?

  37. Every time he refers to Klopfer, he notes that it’s a “german-sounding name”.

    It’s the inverse of the neo-nazis who go off on pointing out “-stein” and “-berg” and so forth when bad news hits, and it’s just as stupid.

  38. Okay, resolved. I really expected it to go to a banning, but you can never tell.

  39. Meh, I skip most of the comments these days. A lot of commenters are full of crap and uninteresting.

  40. Seems rather confrontational. Not that it’s a bad thing, but I don’t think it was meant in a friendly or helpful way.

  41. I’m over it. Tried to add to the thread with links about Buttplug’s involvement with the new baby-murder factory but I got willowed:


  42. I get updates about that situation pretty regularly, since my local Catholic radio station is out of South Bend. They’ve covered the heck out of the Klopfer case, too.

  43. Climate science: there’s no need for #ClimateStrike in China because China is already communist.

    (News we just have no time to write about).

    from Russ on FB, so true!

  44. LOL, Rush is talking about the story written about ‘Poop Shame’.

    I demand a soundproof room so I can poop with peace of mind.

  45. Good one, J’ames. Commies don’t give a rat’s ass about it.

    A place I respect for the work they do to rescue critters (mainly elephants) is promoting the tool from Sweden. I respectfully disagreed and suggested that when the elites promoting her send her to the biggest polluters that is China/India, then maybe I’d take them/it/her seriously.

  46. Antonio Brown is going back to college: https://www.si.com/nfl/2019/09/23/antonio-brown-central-michigan-class-schedule-patriots-release

  47. Hotspur – I’m pretty sure the ragnar has us running RIGHT by your old place in Frankfort.

    Tell them I said “Hi”.

  48. Just checked. NOpe. I do start my 5th run in Frankfort. But on Lake street by 22 (south around the bay ?) . From there we head east to around lake ann I think.

  49. You guys are going to miss me when I die on this run.

  50. *buys 2 boards to make a cross by the side of the road

  51. Anyone know how to play Tool on the bagpipes for Car in’s funeral?

  52. heh, let’s play Taylor Swift and see if she comes out of the ground.

  53. I’m saying it, I love Trump. Watch what he does to this crazy little girl:


  54. Someone needs to cuntpunt the little Swedish annoyance back across the Atlantic.

  55. Methinks this Greta kid would’ve made a great Cambodian Camp Guard in the 70’s. I also think she will end up the same way they did. They are intentionally taking a weak mind and warping it.

  56. Comment by Hotspur on September 23, 2019 4:34 pm
    Someone needs to cuntpunt the little Swedish annoyance back across the Atlantic.


    No truer words have ever been spoken.

    And like Schlichter, I don’t give a shit what a moody teenager thinks about anything.

  57. Exaclty Troy. Don’t think that little bitch wouldn’t have loved her job as head frau of a concentration camp.

  58. That girl is effing creepy. I’d sleep with my door locked if she were my kid.

  59. Wait a minute, she’s 16? WTF diet does she have? She looks 10 and weird.

  60. WTF diet does she have?

    Fetal Alcohol Syndrome

  61. OFFS


  62. I don’t get it, any “whistleblower” is doing something illegal. It’s called spying on the President. I don’t believe any of this shit for a second but the issue is who is spying.

    The only oversight on the President is the Legislative and Judicial branches.

    CIA or FBI has no authority to “watch” the President.

  63. Wait a minute, she’s 16? WTF diet does she have? She looks 10 and weird.

    Beasn ❤ Mare

    *buys 2 boards to make a cross by the side of the road…

    Anyone know how to play Tool on the bagpipes for Car in’s funeral?..

    heh, let’s play Taylor Swift and see if she comes out of the ground.

    HAHAHA! I lurves you two, too.

  64. j

  65. JAM!!! Speak man…can you read us?!!

  66. Are you still a whistleblower if you heard shit secondhand or does that make you the barnacle up hillary’s ass?

  67. Still incoherent but alive and kicking.

  68. Still incoherent

    I’ve got a prism. We can try focusing you through some lenses after a little filtration.

  69. In any event, I pray that the day finds you well and your affairs in no more than a trifling amount of disarray.

  70. Good to hear from you. And what Leon said.

  71. https://tinyurl.com/taps-under-arm

  72. https://tinyurl.com/y5qa6gt9

  73. JAM!! Don’t GOOOOOOOOO….

    (Read that as go not goo)

  74. My mom and aunt drove over from Tucson to see the new baby. They are here plus Penelope and the Daughter in law and baby. Pray for Oso.

  75. Good time to smoke a brisket.

  76. Welp this 13 tweet thread kicked my ass. A valuable eye-opener:


  77. Fuck all of that analysis, Mare. She’s 16 years old. It points out the stupidity of the media that they even mention the twat.

  78. Probably expects a special hospital if she gets sick.

  79. No question, Hotspur. It really speaks to how this girl is being used and how abusive her parents are, letting her act this out in public.

    She should not be in public raised up like some heroine. The whole thing is a shitty poorly written play.

  80. Someone is funding this little troll, paying for hotels, publicists, etc.

    Be interesting to know who.

  81. 98% of evil is funded by Soros.

  82. Roamie,

    I’m trying to keep busy as I cut back on my flying.

    I’m getting my CDL license this week because my church is desperate for someone who can drive the bus during the week.

    I’m on the BOD for the Air Force Academy alumni org here and am a recruiter for the Academy in the county.

    I also shoot guns a lot.

  83. Jimbro,

    Maine was tough to get to when I was doing my lunch tour! I flew through Bangor a few times for Fuel in the C-5. That was many years ago.

    My favorite stop was a couple of trips to Phoenix and went out drinking with Cyn. One time was when Comicon was at the convention center across the street from my hotel.

    Damn that was funny.

  84. everyone will have special hospitals. They will treat animals, too.

  85. There is a nice picture of lovable George Soros hugging the little climate troll…

  86. An icky thought I had about Klopfer was that there was some Planned Parenthood exec thinking about all those babies, there was my Lamborgini.

    Seeing cute pics of MJr made me feel better, thanks.

  87. Phat, my dad got his CDL license after he retired from the papermill. Funny that he never got roped into driving the church bus, but he made deliveries for a propane company for a while then did cross-country trucking for I think about 3 years. He enjoyed most of it and still tells a lot of stories about it.

  88. Bwahahahaha!!!!

  89. Degenerates enjoy repeating profanities.

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