You’re all Tools


So, last Friday was Toolday: the day Tool fans from all around the world had waited 13 long years to arrive.  The. New. Album.  And some people just walked around like it was a normal day.   Oblivious to it’s greatness.

Behold the “unboxing”   of the limited edition. Yes, I have it. Unlike everyone else who didn’t pre-order.


I threw away my “hype sticker”.  What  a fool I am. 

It was, of course, a cause for celebration. Even the folks at burning man  Man took some time out to … well, I don’t know what they’re doing there. That clip looks like they smell.

Enough of the hype. Onto the album.   This is definitely a mellower Maynard, at least in terms of singing style.

Maynard way back when:


Maynard now:




Not sure of my favorite track yet, but then I usually don’t have a “favorite” with any Tool albums because I basically love it all.



This was one of the two songs they played during their mini-tour. But the studio version … plus the live videos had  people TALKING while MAYNARD was singing??!!!???    Honestly, when Tool is playing, SHUT the HELL up. And if I can hear you singing over Maynard, we’re going to have a problem.   If you feel the need to talk during a musical performance, you should go see Taylor Swift.


The other tune they performed live was this one, and again  – ranks at the top for me now.



None of the actual song-songs are under ten minutes.   They gave Danny Carey a 5 minuet drum solo song, and Adam gets a 15+ min song filled with guitar solos.

MOST Tool fans love the album (some miss Maynard’s scream, but the dude’s 55, give him a break). Will it create new fans? Hard for me to say.    It’s still prog-metal with 10 minute plus songs.   Danny firmly establishes himself as the greatest drummer out there, and Adam has clearly been practicing and learning a few new tricks in the last 13 years. Maynard has a word for those who say that Tool has “lost it”.



They certainly have come a far way from their earliest stuff … which I love as well. Good examples of the “Maynard scream” here. Back when their songs were only 4 minuets long.


Seems like I’m slipping into a dream within a dream.

Tickets go on sale Friday.

One last funny. Taylor Swift fans are freaking out about the Tool album.










  1. I couldn’t find the break button … so can someone who knows where the fuck it is go in and put it in for me?

  2. Everyone put your favorite tool song in comments!!

  3. Is that where you want it?

  4. I know lots of people looking forward to this album. Still not on the bandwagon.

  5. Tool isn’t for everyone. And you have to be a REAL fan to go to a show, because it’s basically JUST about the music.

  6. Dems: God is on our side, He wants us to succeed!

    Also Dems:
    *mention of God at DNC convention* “Boooo!”

  7. Comment by MJ on September 5, 2019 8:08 am
    It’s like Trump is blessed by the almighty meat popsicle hisself.

    Been saying for a while that Trump is blessed by God and the proof is that he has such enemies. They’re ridiculous.

  8. From Car in’s “a fool I am” link was this comment.

    “I once experienced a conversation/confrontation between a Dream Theater fan and a Tool fan. It was epic.”

  9. Tool has three albums in the top ten on iTunes and has Swift at #2 with Fear Inoculum at #1.

  10. My favorite Tool number is “Desperados Waiting For A Train”. They really get that one.

  11. Oh look, a Tool/Crossfit video. I wonder if Car in saw that.


  12. I’m trying to get you guys cultured and shit.

  13. I eat sour cream with live cultures. My shit is already cultured.


  14. What about A Perfect Circle? Can we go there?

  15. If that’s all you’ve got, yes.

  16. We’re more of a Squashed Oval kinda crowd.

  17. It’s pretty hard to choose a favorite, but I’ll go with Eulogy. The first three songs of Aenima is one of the best openings to an album ever.

    I mean… Stinkfist. Wow. H. Wow. Then Eulogy. Kind of makes your blood boil.

  18. As the fat dough boys on Twitter say…

    Aenima is the best Tool album.


    Which is ironic because those boys couldn’t bust a grape in a fruit fight. (Jay Z)

  19. OK, Iistened to Invincible. It got the heel rocking a bit, but not enough to listen to another one. I can see why it would be good to work out to.

  20. It’s good jackhammering music.

  21. Leave Hotspur’s mom out of this.

  22. Two of my favorites have always been Third Eye and Pushit. Lateralus is a masterpiece. But again, I do love it all. Rosetta Stoned. Vicarious. Wings for Marie.

  23. Seriously, I can’t stop laughing.


  24. Obviously the DNC leadership were trying to make his head explode with their combined brainpower.

  25. Reaching out to embrace the random.

  26. I hear a lot of jacking around on a guitar. Kinda meandering around the frets with no particular theme in mind. Then a guy who sings about as well as I do comes in and meanders around through a tune that bares little relation to the guitar meanderings. I guess I just don’t have enough culture to get it. Maybe I ought to move to Detroit.

  27. I have no dog in the Tool fight. My music tastes are so sparse that it’s rare I’ll even like 2 songs from the same artist, let alone album.

  28. Best part of Eulogy (on the version MJ posted) – 2:45. Love how Maynard’s watching Danny during his little beep/boops so he can keep in time.

  29. If you can sing as well as Maynard PG I’ll quit crossfit.

  30. Plus, I bet Maynard looks better in a bra.

  31. Heh, Dan got booted. Now what shall we argue about?

  32. Did he? LOL. ass

  33. Who the hell is Dan? Wait, not that Dan?

  34. Last two minutes of Pushit are the best thing ever.

  35. I confess that I love reading Slate’s Dear Prudence articles, although they were a lot better when Emily Yoffe was Prudence. So much stupidity…

    Dear Prudence,
    I’ve gone through a lot in the last year. My now ex-husband left me after I finally got pregnant after years of trying. I decided to get an abortion, which was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make, although I think it was the right one. I later started dating a friend of mine who’d supported me throughout the process. He’s not a conventional partner: He has a criminal history that he takes responsibility for, lives paycheck to paycheck, and is covered in tattoos, but he’s also smart, family-oriented, funny, and makes me feel excited and loved. However, we were dating long-distance, which was very hard. I got frustrated and looked for local companionship. I found a conventionally attractive man who is kind, silly, sweet. But he doesn’t excite me like my long-distance flame.

    Now it’s getting to the “DTR” conversation, and I can’t choose, even as many times as I try to do mental gymnastics. On paper (literally, I’ve made compulsive lists), my local guy would be a better “investment.” In my heart, I long for my exciting, unconventional man. Am I being selfish in trying to have my cake and eat it too? Or is this something that a grown woman must decide alone?
    —I Can’t Choose

  36. Holy Carp, Dan got booted!? Shame, because it was fun to read his stupidity.

  37. I like Pushit, that’s a winner.

  38. DTR? Day of the Rope?

    Is she deciding if she should hang herself? I have some thoughts.

  39. I think it means “Down to relationship” because apparently sleeping with someone regularly no longer constitutes a relationship.

  40. I referred to Infinity War as “The Avengers vs Paul Ehrlich” for a reason.

  41. I’m cool with these 50-60 year old ideas based on bad stats masquerading as science.

    Let’s start by reducing the population in the cities. They gobble energy and produce most of the CO2.

    Let’s move everyone from Brooklyn to South Dakota. Or sterilize them.

  42. yea, J’ames, I love Push it. The whole song sort of meanders and builds, and then culminates in the most spectacular two minuets of music ever. Tool listeners have to be patient. Ok now listen to third eye.

  43. I referred to Infinity War as “The Avengers vs Paul Ehrlich” for a reason.

    The best part is that it made absolutely no sense. Halving the Earth’s population would reduce us back to a level of about… 1955. In the grand scheme of things it wouldn’t matter. You’d probably be back to current levels in a decade or two at most.

    Also, bringing everyone back after five years is stupid. There’s no way that doesn’t end with lots of violence and death. If nothing else, you can’t double the population overnight with no infrastructure to support them, including food production.

  44. What the hell is wrong with you?

  45. Man, you don’t have long enough for that inventory.

  46. Well, fuck. Started the new prescriptions. I think the new strength of bupropion is making me drowsy. Funny, the old ones didn’t, and I’d been on that a year and change.

  47. I’m tempted to download Tool just to kick Swift in the ass a little.

  48. From yesterday….

    When Unions have the same amount of money as corporations to spend on political advocacy we can talk about a level playing field.
    Until then this statement is as hilariously silly as most of the other crap you post.

    A quick glance at opensecrets dot org will show you all you need to know about who *cough* unions *cough* owns politicians.

  49. Who else did Dan call a bitch that got him booted?

  50. owner of the group

  51. Ben got his license yesterday and to celebrate we went out to dinner. They mentioned Chick-Fil-A but I wanted to try something different. He has mentioned his cow-orkers going to Buffalo Wild Wings after work all the time so we went there. I’ve never been to the one in Bangor (or any other one for that matter). As soon as I stepped through the door I could smell the grease. Holy crap, reminded me of how I smelled after work as a busboy. The wings were good but I don’t think I’ll hurry back to eat there anytime soon.

  52. I’m seeing tweets listing all the projects that are now on hold after the military budget was shifted to wall construction. Tweeted by people who could not give two shits about the military in the first place.

  53. I don’t understand anything in this post or comment section except Ted Cruz’s comment.

  54. Lots of copypasta going on I ‘spect. Just Libtards following their marching orders like good little drones.

  55. This feels like an impeachable offense

    I heard this story this morning while driving in to town. Complete with the trademark NPR snide tone and mockery

  56. BWW is junk here in MI. Waits are awful, wings are mediocre.

  57. The “go to” place for wings in Bangor was a restaurant called Geoghans. It’s still there and the “kids” have now grown up in the business and are running it as a brew pub with a separate bottling concern. The restaurant is hard to get into given the location right near the casino and the Cross Center. The wings are great and they serve other food besides grease-loaded fare. I think Ben just likes the notion of his work buddies going to what they refer to as B-Dubs


    Guaranteed to have a live crew on St Patrick’s Day from the local news station

  59. jimbro, it’s B-Dubs. Get with the program.

  60. damn, now I see he knows that.

  61. The wings aren’t bad, nothing special. But wow, their fries are EXPENSIVE! WTF?

  62. What this shit is this fuck?

    *petitions Animosity International for the addition of a Hate button to this post*

  63. We’ve been trying, Will, but social media sites resist for some reason. Quite possibly because our membership would promptly “hate” everything.

  64. I don’t hate everything. I just hate Tool.

  65. Well, we could give you a share button. Would that help?

  66. how could anyone hate tool?

  67. What if I told you Lena Dunham loves Tool?

  68. If you want to listen to the complete opposite of Tool, I suggest Slowdive.

  69. I’m 39 going on 80. I hate hype and enthusiasm.

  70. Anyone else thinks Wal Mart wasn’t making money on ammo and guns anyway, and this is a (stupid) way to capitalize on bowing out of selling them?

  71. Will, I am not on your lawn, so SYWM

  72. Walmart probably served the needs of casual shooters, picking up ammo for hunting season and people who happened to be there for other reasons. Most serious shooters get their ammo online by the case. So, easy decision to appear like they’re doing something

  73. Haven’t heard much about Lena Dunham lately. I wonder how many waffles she’s been eating recently.

  74. It’s hard not to be hyped about something that you’ve waited 13 years for.

  75. Little LauraW

  76. MJ?

  77. Afternoon eye opener for CoAlex and Leon

  78. Fierce!

  79. Comment by PepeLp on September 5, 2019 4:18 pm
    Afternoon eye opener for CoAlex and Leon

    The future ex-Mrs. Colorado Alex

  80. *snaps fingers*

    *flying monkey squadron is dispatched to strafe Pepe’s vehicles*

  81. Tool is a bunch of tools.

  82. This is who is voting Democrat

    you can’t give them facts, they have already made up their minds.

  83. Sigh. Just spent a half hour learning about geofencing and Facebook’s services for something my organization wants to promote. I feel dirty.

  84. He almost put it together, Jay. He was so close.

  85. If I get prescribed E by my head doc, I’m blaming CoAlex.

  86. OMG, the lefties going nuts on the Trump hurricane map. It’s hilarious. I can’t believe they’re spending all this time and emotional energy on a sharpie line.

  87. Trolling Trump is my favorite. He totally dominates the news cycle.

  88. It’s illegal to alter a weather forecast.


  89. Dude was killing it until he sang “dar” instead of star. Finished strong. No obvious kneeling.

  90. Hoggify

  91. Babylon Bee beating up Snopes is like your mom jokes here.

    Bonus Star Trek shoutout at the end.

  92. That’s right. Montgomery. Remember that name, he’s gonna be big.

  93. Since I don’t get tv anymore, is there a bootleg football link?

  94. My mom has been posting about Trumps sharpie line all serious.

  95. Found it on NBC.

  96. My new favorite comment about last night’s climate forum – all Trump has to do is say, “Vote for me and you can buy a cheeseburger whenever you want, not when government says you can.”

  97. Trump campaign has been selling Trump 2020 straws.

  98. I want universal AC before this climate BS.

  99. at least some people have been having fun with the Sharpie jokes.

  100. Sober people with Sharpies…🤣🤣🤣

  101. Old school Frito Pie with the football tonight. We haz spaghetti and Skyline for Gringo 🤯

  102. Cincy fans.

  103. Misuse of Sharpie is an impeachable offense?

  104. Yes. Orange man bad

  105. De Blasio just owned Tucker on his own show. Wow.

  106. Dancing effortlessly, Rita prevailed.

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