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158 Comments

  1. Good morning meme-lovers

  2. It sure had a big dick made me laugh.

  3. Im awake. Yesterday really put hitch in my giddyup. All out of sorts, its like skipping a day and off track……or it could be the 20 vicoden i took as son as i opened my eyes…..ok, was only one, but i chased it with a shot of tequila…..ok, it wasn’t tequila, it was a cup of coffee.

    Interesting to me at the ER, the Doc is like “were going to give zofran for nausea, toradol for inflammation and spasms, and…..fentanyl for pain. Im thinking “fentanyl” isnt that stuff mixed on micro levels? Anyway, the nausea reduced, the real bad “throbs” reduced but pain went from 11 to about 7-8. I mentioned to Doc i didnt perceive the cocktail was as effective as other mixes i had received, so he ordered dilaudid which did the trick instantly. Down to level 3 pain in a heartbeat. Ive always been amazed at the ability to use chemicals to produce instant pain relief. Better living through Chemistry!

    Hope everyone has good day

    Buy More Ammo and support your local freedom fighter

  4. Deceased comedian Ralphy May did a skit about attending a “gay” wedding with his five yr old. Hilarious, as there is a point where he,s explaining to his son the difference in “pee pees” vs Dicks. Its on youtube, i highly recommend the 5-6 minutes.

  5. ww

  6. Half watching a cheesy movie from 1974; “Earthquake”. The special effects are awful and the script has every disaster movie trope known to man. So bad, it’s good type movie.

  7. Did Hannah bring you home one of those funny knit hats they wear down there Carin? The ones all the stoners wear?

  8. A chullo!

    https://www.thehatsguide.com/chullo-hats/

  9. I don’t pick her up until tonight. I was hoping she bought me home an alpaca.

  10. I like the way you’re thinking … one alpaca wool knit hat versus an alpacan wool factory

  11. I remember Ralphie May from “Last Comic Standing”.

  12. Can you Uber from Canadia?

  13. Not sure why I thought Louie Anderson was dead, but John Pinette, John Candy, and Bernie Mac were funny guys who checked out too soon.

  14. Sorry, not sorry.

  15. Comment by leoncaruthers on August 17, 2019 10:05 am
    Can you Uber from Canadia?

    No. The US doesn’t allow moose on it’s roads.

  16. Since I can’t figure out embedding polls: What will Car in’s daughter bring back from Peru?

    A. Stoner hat
    B. Alpaca
    C. Fighting cock
    D. Unplanned pregnancy.

  17. https://tinyurl.com/y5673eac

  18. Something for Car in when crackfat is no longer enough.

  19. So much to do, so little motifuckingvation.

  20. Seems legit.

  21. TeeRoy?

  22. Or it could be TeeRoy after getting his dose of dilaudid.

  23. Baldilocks – Snopes is the Fredo of fact-checkers.

  24. Definitely the gun store happy dance. The Dilaudid dance is more like a haka as it is stationary.

    Repeat from last week, for any of you prepper types. 5 pack of Baefong UVr 5 ‘s for 100 bucks. Hand held ham radios. They will be banned as of Sept 1st or the 30th.

    Next purchase will be the solar charging panels for the above and other various other electronic items.

    Buy more ammo. Support your local freedom fighter. Got Comms?

  25. Im not real big on making more laws, but i really think there should be a federal prohibiting facial covering at ANY “protest”.

    Media is all breathless about Portland today. And tptb out there are so corrupt they started arresting “protest leaders” the past few days. Cept no antifa leaders have been arrested for some reason…..

    Proud Boys better smarten up and stop trying conduct these protests at the enemy HQ. They need to operate in the areas immediately peripheral to the enemy and draw them out of their base

  26. why are hand-held ham radios being banned?

    As far as Portland, let the little f*cks run the place and terrorize the residents. Maybe some day those residents will stop voting in the turds who allow antifa to run amok.

  27. They are the generation that’s most impressed with themselves, so they’ve got that going for them.

    Which isn’t nice. It’s shit.

  28. The idea that hard work is smart work is wrong, however. There are plenty of people who work hard because they don’t think of a better way.

  29. Death by fish stick is a good category

  30. Definitely not harder, that’s for sure. As far as smarter, too? Nope.

  31. Work hard to find the smarter way.

  32. I always joke at Crossfit that I work smarter, no harder.

  33. They are being banned because insurgents all over the world use them to coordinate “protests”. Im getting them primarily for natural disaster grid down capability as tornados have been known to land in the area and now that the kids live on 5 acres outside of town i want dedicated commo in times of “uncertainty”. 100 bucks and if they never do anything but get programmed and disseminated it is WELL worth the investment.

  34. This post was excellent.

  35. The Orphan X series of books is excellent!!

  36. I work your mom harder and smarter.

  37. High fives MJ…in the face.

  38. Question. If they can kill a HIGH profile guy in solitary confinement wouldn’t it be child’s play to get a coroner to say, “death by hanging” after this same coroner said multiple broken bones in the neck as if by strangulation?

    Just asking questions.

  39. Yeah, not trusting the autopsy finding. ” He tied the sheet to the top bunk, knelt down, leaned forward and became unconscious, then died. ” became “He tied the sheet to the bunk, then violently threw himself forward, breaking bones in his neck, then died gasping for air.”. Yeah, sure. …

  40. Im not naive enough to think that this sort of thing hasn’t always existed (and i dont think anyone here is either). Its that, in the past, they were more subtle (civilised if you will) about their behavior. This Epstein thing (along with Seth Rich and the Russian collusion operation) to me indicates a “fuck you, whatta you gonna do about it peasent” perspective. They have lost all self control and discretion because they believe we wont “correct” them.

  41. Ugh. Fan died in the mosh pit at a Slipknot concert. CPR to no avail, apparently.

    Life, you never know how long it’s going to be.

  42. Liberal friend who is a prison guard said last night there is no way someone didn’t at least help him. Zero chance.

  43. Only one thing watching a high profile prisoner? Right.

  44. Help could be as simple as supplying the right sheet and “falling asleep for 3 hours”

  45. Weighing in late on the antifa riot crowd. I completely agree with the No Mask deal. Too many soy boys get their courage from anonymity. Posting their pictures and then copying the left’s name and shame tactic would help a lot.

  46. Fire hoses, dogs, and springy truncheons would help a lot, too.

    https://tinyurl.com/y6lret8g

  47. https://tinyurl.com/y6gxu5ez

  48. Second guy looks like he has Wolverine claws on the left forearm.

  49. Have any of you white people watched “Coco”? Serial question.

  50. I don’t want to be accused of cultural appropriation.

  51. If Rosetta were a picture…..

    https://tinyurl.com/y3w2884w

  52. I watched 3/4 of it Oso. I never finished, it just didn’t hold my attention.

  53. I am not a family picture person. I have art on my walls. Mexican culture is all about recuerdo. Santos and familia. Coco posits the Messican Meme about “Remember Me”. Pupster, you may be too white for the movie. Dan was underwhelmed. He didn’t have the cultural guilt. I didn’t realize how Messican mi familia was before this movie. Always felt more Euro less Indio.

  54. BTW, made spaghetti sauce in the NotInstantPot pressure cooker. From frozen meat. 1# hamburger, 1# sausage, 2 cans tomatoes (mine were seasoned sauce on sale that i had to use up), spices, and an onion. 35 mins at high, then smashed up the meat with a potato masher. Really easy, and didn’t defrost!

  55. I bought a chainsaw on a stick and kicked forsythia ass today.

    Best tool ever.

  56. Our paramilitary organization sucks.

    We need a better one. Losers. Sad. Better goons, please.

    They suck too, but there’s SOOoo many of them. And Portland? FFS, people.

  57. Sitting at the train station

  58. In Canada?

    Gross.

  59. They probably don’t know about TOOL in Canada. Or Crossfit.

  60. Effen Canadians everywhere

  61. I really won’t be here long enough to change that

  62. We don’t have paramilitaries. Not that we want any part of. It’s hard to develop a proper counterforce when many of your candidates aren’t much better than your adversaries.

  63. Just had a rippin’ good downpour. Very much appreciated.

  64. We are back home. Emotionally exhausted.

    Will probably fly back sometime next week to be with Mom as long as possible. I have already cancelled all of my plans and appointments for the next few months.

  65. Praying for your family, TiFW.

  66. Opinions on Discord vs. Skype?

  67. No aplaca, but an alpaca cover /wrap. Just got home. Long ass day

  68. Discover Edmonton’s railway platforms!

  69. Haven’t used Discord, but Skype is pretty invasive…once you install it it’s hard to get rid of it.

  70. Pupster, you may be too white for the movie. Dan was underwhelmed.

    L to R
    Pupster, Dan when Oso has the remote

    https://tinyurl.com/y4sxz52w

  71. https://tinyurl.com/y6384eca

  72. Morning

    I tried looking at Twitter but it was full of Portland antifa shit so I gave up. It’s the same story every time: Antifa beats up conservative, captured on video, police stand by idly, outrage ensues with cries of “Next time it’ll be different”. Lather, rinse, repeat.

  73. Comment by MJ on August 17, 2019 9:08 pm
    Our paramilitary organization sucks.
    We need a better one. Losers. Sad. Better goons, please.
    ——
    I think you maybe should have called them “our militant wing of the GOP” since Antifa represents the militant wing of the Dems. But you’re right, we do need better goons.

  74. Used Discord to chat with Mini-me. Video was fine on her end, no video from our end, audio kept cutting in and out. Mr. RFH is troubleshooting his laptop camera. She’s doing fine, but she missed the mandatory floor meeting because she forgot. She likes the Newman Community.

  75. My mom, sister and nephew are up for a visit. Our camp is a little too rustic for them so they’re staying in Orono at a hotel. They hit the farmers market yesterday and spent most of the afternoon cooking stuff. Lot of leftovers.

    When my nephew was out kayaking on the lake I asked my sister to fill me in on more details about his girlfriend breaking up with him. Holy crap. It was far worse for him than I had imagined. They were together for 7 years but her parents were not keen on him. Her dad is some kind of developer in CT, big bucks, Blue Blood Mayflower descendants with houses in CT and Martha’s Vineyard. During 7 years he was never invited to MV. Her parents were scornful of his ideologies (not really a liberal, just a guy with compassion for the downtrodden and willing to help rather than scorn). Anyway, I think it was her parents finally getting to her psyche that led to her breaking up with him out of the blue. My sister told me more stuff about the parents and how poorly they treated him but I don’t want to bore you any further!

    As much as it sucks now for him, I think that was a blessing in disguise.

  76. Indeed, that was a blessing. Co-worker’s son was dumped after a 5-year relationship because her parents thought he was too short and leaned on her to break off. Ex-girlfriend is now a single mother.

  77. And yay for farmer’s markets.

  78. This one is at UMO in Orono. Caters to the college professional crowd so they’ve got quality stuff … at a price. My mom was laughing about it, “We used to go to farmers markets for bargains!”

  79. Do you say it Or NO or OR OH NO ? Asking for a friend who used to live in southern Canada.

  80. Sounds to me like he got the best years of her and dodged a bullet with the folks.

  81. Yeeeeesh. Friend on Faceplant mentioned our former babysitter and tagged her. So I followed the link to stalk check out what she’s doing now. Wish I hadn’t. BSDM posts and some really nasty ones. Wtf.

  82. Oar-uh-noe

  83. https://tinyurl.com/Newly-discovered-footage-of baby Dave in Texas

  84. Our childhood babysitter was a wild child. I remember her laughing while playing with the zipper on The Rolling Stones “Sticky Fingers” album cover.

  85. Lol, love baby Dave.

  86. Roamy, link!

  87. CoAlex, at least this one was a cartoon, it’s one of the tamer ones.

    NSFW
    https://tinyurl.com/y39p3dw4

  88. Doing kinky shit between two consenting adults is one thing, posting it publicly on Facedouche for everyone to see it is another.

  89. Bad link.

    I find it hilarious when people post it publicly, because it’s so obviously a cry for attention.

  90. I used to work with a dude that was into that stuff, I found out by accident when he printed out a series of email conversations with his sub, who I also knew but had no idea. He was so smart he used his work email, so did she, and printed them out on a shared printer, before deleting them I guess. I printed off a bunch of stuff at the same time and ended up learning things I didn’t want to know.

  91. “It’s time for your annual review. Get the paddle and the ball-gag.”

  92. The link works if you refresh the tiny url error message, not that I was that persistent or anything.

  93. I could never really look at either one of them the same way, it was creepy as fuck. He was the kind of dude that when you made eye contact, he would hold it too long, like he was sizing you up for a gimp suit.

    Brrrr.

  94. Oh geez, he even has the douchebag hipster beard. This is fucking hilarious.

  95. One of the managers used the work camera to document her tryst and left the disk in the camera. Whoops.

    I shudder to think what the targeted ads on Faceplant and Amazon are going to be now.

  96. Gross. Being able to keep shit like that secret is a civic duty.

  97. My first job in St Louis involved teaching residents as a part of it. They had access to our office suite over the weekends. One Monday morning I came in and discovered hours of messaging between one of the married residents and various whores describing what everyone was going to do with each other. That was the day I asked IT for a lock code for my computer and washed my desk and chair

  98. The one memorable bit of Bones for me was when they were investigating a pony-play sex group that had a member murdered, and Booth described it as “bad sex”, leading Bones to ask how he could make that judgment since they were all happy with it. His answer was clear enough for the catechism: “because they aren’t having it with each other”. It’s all role playing and use, not love and intimacy. That aired maybe a decade ago. I doubt it would today, too judgy and patriarchal.

  99. Bones was probably the most catholic and conservative main character on tv in decades. One that isn’t the butt of all the jokes.

  100. Last night’s joke at ace’s … this line …

    all his friends and family thought
    he was cool as hell,

    Yea, well … I’ve found that most single, older men living alone get kind of weird. Note I said MOST and not all. I’m using people I’m related to, and folks I’ve known in my life.

    I don’t say this to shame folks that are older and single. But if a joke is going to attack marriage, I’m going to push back. Beside the joke is pretty anti-woman.

    YOU MEN aren’t so awesome either. /just saying.

  101. Tiny url is shitting itself today, I’m switching back to is.gd . Sorry Pepe.

  102. https://is.gd/d4hdh6

  103. Yea, well … I’ve found that most single, older men humans living alone get kind of weird.

    Fixt.

  104. True but the joke is about how everyone thinks their single, older man is cool as hell. Single older women get cat jokes.

  105. I know I’m getting weirder as I get older. Lack of human contact will do that to a person

  106. Im Awesome. Sooper Awesome even. Been this way all my life.

    Im also medicated, heavily self medicated….

  107. My uncle has been single most of his life. He hand-builds RC airplanes and guitars, and rides a Goldwing.

    He’s weird.

  108. Me: I just bought Tupacs of Eminem for 50 cents.

    My friend: That’s Ludacris. How Kanye West your money like that ?

    (for J’ames)

  109. I think living alone makes one quirky. Hopefully one is good quirky. The only reason I made an issue about it was because the joke advocated bachelorhood for life for men. Dating younger women, etc.

  110. My uncle was married and a pretty normal dude. He cheated on his wife (with his secretary) and they eventually divorced. My aunt was quickly grabbed up my a man her age (they were in their 50s at the time) and remarried a few years later. My uncle? Well, he dated a french woman for a while (wore a speedo to the lake) and then eventually moved away to upper Michigan to … I dunno? He dated, but then didn’t want a relationship because he worried women would just be after his money. He lives a pretty quirky weird life now – up North, away from all his family. He got in a super weird fight with my mom, and I don’t think they’ve spoken to each other in a year.

  111. Given what I know about your mom, I can’t say having a weird fight with her is especially surprising.

  112. Yea, but this time I’m pretty sure it’s on him. They got into some fighting debating something rather innocuous online. Their politics are pretty aligned. I can only recall it had something to do with plastic guns or something. My mother wrote him a letter of apology (that they fought) and he never responded.

  113. Don’t worry about me, Pups.

  114. His answer was clear enough for the catechism: “because they aren’t having it with each other”. It’s all role playing and use, not love and intimacy.

    It’s not even about sex, really. It’s a ritual. They enter, destroy their identities, and leave in some way transformed. I pointed out once to a practitioner that it was very similar, in a very general way, to Mass. I think it blew her mind a little bit.

    Also, Bones was good until the latter half, when it went full preachy SJW and Booth slowly became the simpleton whom the enlightened scientists needed to lecture all the time.

  115. RE: the joke at ace’s last night: the man in question would seem to have a great life, until he gets sick and has no one to visit him in the hospital, or the old folks home, or to spend Christmas with.

  116. He dated, but then didn’t want a relationship because he worried women would just be after his money.

    This isn’t a completely unreasonable fear.

  117. It’s an utterly unreasonable fear, actually. One that can be allayed by merely not allowing your girlfriend to soak you. Is that really all that difficult?

  118. https://is.gd/OOmxRq

  119. They are being banned because insurgents all over the world use them to coordinate “protests”

    Really. So if that is the reason, then surely they will be banning social media too, right? Because that’s how a lot of punks in Ferguson coordinated their rampages. And what about walkie talkies?

  120. I’m a Great Auntie!!! Brenna is a few days old. LOOK AT HER…isn’t she cute?

    BrennaMae

  121. Worrying that a chick is going to take your money says more about the type of people you choose to date.

  122. Dan made soup. WTF makes soup in August? I H8 soup. I would rather have leftovers. I’m eating soup. Pray for Oso.

  123. Brenna’s momma’s own mama wasn’t in town for the birth. Her uncle (her mom’s younger brother) keeled over from an apparent heart attack a few days prior, while working out. In his late 40s or early 50ish.

    Last year, she lost her grandmother ….and another uncle, but on her father’s side. Same deal. He was out for a walk and keeled over. Fifty something.

  124. The one memorable bit of Bones for me was when they were investigating a pony-play sex group that had a member murdered

    https://is.gd/i6Bh3l

  125. I thought gazpacho was the soup of your people?

  126. That’s a sure cutie, Beasn! Congrats to your family.

  127. Congrats to the new momma, Beasn.

  128. BTW, how are the wedding preparations?

  129. Jimbro, you aware of this?

    https://khn.org/news/to-save-money-american-patients-and-surgeons-meet-in-cancun/

  130. Welcome, precious leetle one!

  131. CoAlex, not sure at this point. Daughter should have ordered invitations at this point, so that we can send them out to get them back early enough for a final count/reception….but I don’t think she has.

    Everything else just has to be paid off in their own time. I think i may have found a MOB dress – tons of beadwork…and heavy.

    *wonders if I’ll ever have a grandbaby. My SIL is beaming as big as her son, she’s so happy. Man that baby is cute as a bug. She, for the most part was just taking everything in.*

  132. Speaking of daughter…we went to her house yesterday to put up a light fixture in the diningroom room. All over the house were Post-Its with the words ‘CLOSE THE FRIDGE’ on doors, windows, and lampshades. Apparently the boyfriend has a habit of leaving the fridge open. She says she’s trying to train him.

    *snort*

  133. Gazpacho sucks. Just because I’m Iberian, doesn’t mean I like gazpacho. Paella. Sangria

  134. What kind of fucking barbarian leaves the fridge open?

  135. Probably doesn’t flush.

  136. Seriously, if he is unclear on the purpose of the fridge, she should lock it, and just give him a big empty cardboard box to store his own food in.

  137. Or he needs to pay the electricity AND food bill.

  138. Fuck food safety, saving lives, waste, expense, etc., let’s just refer back to this:

    Comment by leoncaruthers on August 18, 2019 9:28 pm
    What kind of fucking barbarian leaves the fridge open?

  139. She should dump him

  140. Guys who light farts >>>>>>>> guys who don’t close the fridge.

  141. Like everyone hasn’t left the refrigerator door open multiple times in their lives. It’s white privilege anyway.

  142. Yeah, of she has to train him in the basics I don’t see that as a good sign.

  143. HAHAHAHA, you guys! It was pretty funny walking in and seeing those Post-Its. It’s kind of nice to see she has a bit of a spine.

    He’s kind of forgetful and she kind of doesn’t want the new stainless steel fridge to break, have to throw food away, and/or get food poisoning.

    He hasn’t moved in yet, tho does spend a couple of days a week there.

    Another month and a half, mama is going to indulge in some mimosas at the wedding.

  144. >>>>She should dump him

    Gross. No dog spit!

    I need to ask her if he leaves his parent’s fridge open.

  145. Doreen’s employment remained precarious.

  146. I’ve heard of medical tourism before, mainly for cosmetic surgery, but doing total joints is definitely next level stuff. I think they’re doing it the right way. I’m always worried about potential infection though and this quote from the article gave me pause:

    “Parisi said that the lack of English proficiency among some surgical staff members created “momentary delays” but that the bilingual surgical assistant helped”

    It’s hard enough getting everyone on the same program in a US hospital where everyone speaks the same language. At some point there will be a catastrophic never-event that could have been avoided.

    Given the expense involved for joint replacement surgery some insurers and employers are using only certain hospitals and surgeons. Even our system, with a network of hospitals throughout northern/central Maine is starting to narrow the availability of arthroplasty surgery to fewer hospitals in order to optimize costs and increase quality.

  147. https://tinyurl.com/y6cndcqt

  148. I’ve been getting back to waking up near 4:30 most every night. No idea what’s causing it. Sometimes I can get back to sleep, sometimes, like this morning, NOT.

    Unlike the past, however, my schedule means this is not a big deal because I can always get more opportunities for a nap before work if I need it.

    It’s nice to have a problem that is no problem.

    So, it’s Monday. It’s a funeral day for us. Houseguest’s dad passed last week. I’ve known her and her family for about 30 years. I’ve skipped the more recent get-togethers. It will be good to see some of these peeps again, despite the sad circumstances.

  149. We’re usually asleep before 10 most nights. Even earlier often. Paula wakes up super early on her work days to get to the gym so a 4:30 wake up isn’t too unusual for me. I was solo at camp this weekend so Paula could manage the dogs at home to avoid them barking at my mom and sister which they tend to do. After my early wake ups I didn’t need to address “dog needs” so it let me sleep till nearly 7 both days.

  150. A funeral for someone who had a peaceful death after a life well lived is perfect for a celebration despite the sadness. When you start to modify any of the qualifiers it becomes less ideal.

    File under Irish wake. Which is what I turned my brother’s wake and get together into after the burial. The bar at the VFW hall ran out of beer since they weren’t expecting it.

  151. Well, as a matter of happenstance, these actually are Irish folks. I’m not going to stay too late at dinner, ha ha ha, these people are wild.

  152. I’m up. MMM shortly. Well, it’s always done shortly because it’s me doing it, but you get the idea.

  153. I was up at 4 with stella. I was so awake and fine about it, I almost went for a run. BUt this morning is deadlift day. Plus I didn’t want Pat to freak out because it wasn’t planned.

  154. I finally watched some of the Portland video from this weekend.

    Jeez. What a bunch of idiots. A no mask law would basically solve the problem.

  155. The right to peaceably assemble does not include anonymity. Besides, in the years it would take to get to SCOTUS this shit will blow over.


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