MMM 376

Day 4 of 7 as solo dad.  I might make it, we’ll see.

She seems nice.

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Sponsored photo, I suspect.

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I had a dream like this once.

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Shame about her shitty taste in movies, unless she’s a “original trilogy, theatrical release only” type.

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Still no smile.

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I miss the world before selfies.

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Happy Monday, y’all.

117 Comments

  1. Good morning, Fellow Shithooks.

  2. Beasn, confession isn’t so bad. At this point, though (many years since confirmation without ever going) you can likely make a “general confession” where you tell the priest exactly that at the start, then hit the lowlights that you know are the biggest problems. If you’ve been taking communion all this time, be sure to include that.

  3. Manly vag. Nice.

  4. This may be the best example of a “no fucks available to give” story I’ve read in quite some time.
    https://nypost.com/2019/07/27/hamptons-homeowners-are-sick-of-entitled-lecherous-summer-houseguests/

  5. No smile has a rocking body. Body goals.

    Mare looking at the first pic:

    Young lady, get your stilettos off my countertop, thank you very much.

  6. PD!! Simpatico. I almost linked that on the last thread.

    I thought it was a good example of how shallow and horrible these people are to have “friends” who are such animals and moochers.

    It’s more a reflection on the owners than the scum who would, of course, use people and their possessions for their own debauchery.

  7. Operation Fat Ass is back underway. Had a slight case of the plague this whole weekend, On the plus side, I lost another 4-5 pounds.

    I may drive up to Baltimore to play with some of the rats so I can get a second dose.

  8. I would love to be able to have a place in the Hamptons without being the sort of person who would actually want a place in the Hamptons. (I would instead have a place someplace way less pretentious.)

  9. Young lady, get your stilettos off my countertop, thank you very much.

    And get your bolt-ons out of my kitchen.

  10. On the plus side, I lost another 4-5 pounds.
    I may drive up to Baltimore to play with some of the rats so I can get a second dose.

    ——

    Ha! Fantastic and funny.

    Finished a shoulder and leg workout. Drinking bone broth until 12:00 or until I get too hungry. Haven’t been on the scale but did try on a very fitted (compression style) rash guard and I didn’t look like a bulging sausage. (Shut your whore mouths).

  11. I’d like to hit Star Wars’ thermal exhaust port at high speed.

  12. Now I’m hungry for sausage. SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTHS, HOTSPUR.

  13. I very much appreciate Trump saying things that everyone knows are true. It’s horrifying to me that we are at a place where pretending a place is fine because it’s run by black people is the right thing to do.

    What?

  14. Anyone know how Wiserbud is doing?

  15. Wasn’t there a survey recently that showed around 35% of Democrats believed that any criticism of a minority was the same as racism?

  16. Wasn’t there a survey recently that showed around 35% of Democrats believed that any criticism of a minority was the same as racism?

    As I understand it, this essentially what's taught in public schools at the moment.

    Do you want a race war? Because this is how you get a race war.

  17. Anyone know how Wiserbud is doing?

    Not your mom. Been keeping her busy.

  18. Imagine if that bitch, Obama would have said things like:

    “We need to be praising our local police and encouraging the best of us to apply!”

    “As I stand here as our First Black President, I also want to be the first to say that we are now and forever a post-racial Country. A country that looks for the best in each of us regardless of color.”

    “I would like to talk about this incident in (fill in the blank there are thousands of them) wherein fellow Americans helped each other… this is what makes us great!”

    If that candy assed, dummy would have spent 8 effing years saying great things about race relations and gone to hotbed sites of police shootings, etc and said things to calm locals and brought police and local idiots together for beer summits that might have done some effing good instead of his race-baiting.

    “If I had a son he’d look like this little criminal weasel”

  19. Obama’s headstone should read.

    I was a missed opportunity.

  20. Besides politicians who live in the toniest areas, who in Baltimore thinks their city is awesome? I guarantee you local downtown dwellers are not thinking, “Hey, I love this city. It’s clean and safe!”

  21. Baltimore’s job is to make Detroit look nice.

  22. It’s all so dumb.

    And the lefty partisans are the dumbest of all. They’re not really on the same planet right now because of advanced TDS.

    They have no idea that they’re hurting, not helping. To which I say…great!

  23. I like no smile’s hair.

    Regarding the entitled asses in the Hamptons, here’s an idea…lay out some ground rules to anyone who is going to spend some time there. No pets, no smoking, no sex in my hot tub you walking scabby STD, no stilettos on my countertop, and entertain your own damn self. Wth?

  24. Getting some rain today, YAY!!

    Only obligation is a bird. He’s warmed up to me and sits on my arm. Listening to his vocalizations, sounds like he’s trying to imitate a cardinal. I’ve been trying to teach him to cat call, say ‘Here Kitty Kitty’*, and ‘pretty pretty pretty’ really fast (then he’ll really sound like a cardinal), and ‘OH SHIT!’ (thing that may have been said when bitten and discovering a dead fish).

    *easily amused*

    *he doesn’t like the cat*

  25. Can you imagine the property tax load of living in the Hamptons? The tax load here pisses me off to no end. The Hamptons would give me a coronary.

  26. Beasn, confession isn’t so bad.

    Can I wear a bag over my head? From what I’ve seen, it’s not so anonymous at my church.

    I went through a speedy confirmation when I was teaching first grade at a Catholic school. They wanted me to be ‘authentic’ when I helped guide the kids through first communion. They sort of skipped the whole confession part. Or maybe I blocked it out. I don’t remember them going over it.

  27. No smile is Anllela Sagra from Colombia. I’ve seen maybe a hundred pics of her. No smile, ever.

  28. Beasn, if confession isn’t anonymous where you are, you have every right to travel to another parish for it. Lots of people do, especially when their voices are known to the pastor from frequent contact. Anonymous confession is safer for both parties.

  29. I think I can earn Leon’s salvation if he drives over and kills that rooster for me.
    I’ll ask Possum if she wants to spend 8 hours in the car today.
    Have a sharp knife and some twine ready.

    *****

    OK!!

    /gets bat ready

    You’re going to need this too.

  30. No smile, ever.

    Prolly bad toofers

  31. When you’re done with the rooster can you fly down to the Tampa/St Pete area to take care a similar job for me?

    I’ll throw in a few tickets to Disney for the fam.

  32. Slow day at work. I’ve got a youtube video in the background of a guy showing how to write a 3D game engine which is more interesting than this greenbook that needs to be finished.

  33. If anonymous Confession isn’t an option at your RC church, they’re not doing it properly. Hell, I’ve been wandering far away from the faith of my youth and I still remember that much.

  34. Car in, if you need a bat to pick him up at all, you’ve got a serious issue. Should be able to just wrangle ’em upside-down by the ankles and get those into the noose. Get a thick glove (cut resistant) and a good sharp knife and you can just cut the carotid while holding the neck steady. Might want a bucket under it unless you’re cool with pulling coyotes to wherever the kill site is.

    MJ, I can help if it’s a “what”, not if it’s a “who”.

  35. You could also do a “kill cone” to really simplify things with the rooster, but you likely don’t have one and they can be tricky to improvise. If you hold the head steady after the cut you can usually keep them from flapping and spraying blood everywhere. I’ve learned the hard way that you wait until you think death is final, then slowly count to 30.


  36. Car in, if you need a bat to pick him up at all, you’ve got a serious issue. Should be able to just wrangle ’em upside-down by the ankles and get those into the noose.

    He’s super mean. I just swat at him. Pat thinks I should be able to knock him out – but what if I miss?

    WHAT IF I MISS?

  37. Ex-wife, MJ?

    She giving you grief. Or FIL?

    Oh, is this something that should not be on the internet.
    D’OH!

  38. We here at the TeeRoy Jenkins Problems Solutions Center highly recommend that Beasn and Carin aquire modern air rifle or pistol for the elimination of those pesky problems such as rodents and roosters.

    Pros…..Silent, accurate, doesnt require permission from the feds, relatively inexpensive…

    Cons…..You could put yer eye out…

  39. Life is too short to keep a bad rooster. The only hard part is getting started, the initial cut. If you hesitate on that you’ll screw it up and cause more pain to the animal.

    It helps to picture a hundred generations of ancestors preparing to call you a “wuss” or a “pussy” if you can’t do what most of them had to do every day to just survive.

    Also, if you aren’t going to eat it or feed it to anything, you could just gas it with CO from your car after you have it trapped. It will peacefully drown in short order.

  40. I got over anonymous confession when I was in the Navy. It was two chairs over in a corner in a drill hall.

    Now I just walk in and say, “Dude, ‘sup?”

  41. I’m not going to eat it. It’s a bantam, and wouldn’t be worth it. I just want it gone, honestly.

    Pat thinks I just need to “dominate” it. I’m not interested in that. I don’t need a rooster, and certainly not a mean one. If I could just accidentally “lock” him out one night, I’m sure the problem would take care of itself, but the little coward is one of the first to go in for the night.

  42. A rifle is only a good idea if you can’t lay hands on it. Risk of a miss and a fleeing injured animal is too high.

  43. Stella just tore the bandaids off of my legs. Dogs crack me up.

    I have poison ivy. YES. Again. gah. Whatever. No, I’ll never learn.

  44. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-7295837/Sex-City-writer-admits-regrets-choosing-career-having-children.html

    The damage that this woman inflicted on a generation of women angers me greatly.

  45. I’m not going to eat it. It’s a bantam, and wouldn’t be worth it. I just want it gone, honestly.

    Catch it, confine it in a small space with limited air, and gas it with car exhaust or a block of dry ice. You could drown it in the lake, but it seems like that’s more brutal than you can manage. I could, but I’m a hardened sociopath at this point, at least with regard to killing animals I don’t want around.

  46. Pat thinks I just need to “dominate” it.

    The safe word is “bawk!”

  47. MJ, I can help if it’s a “what”, not if it’s a “who”.
    —————–
    He’s identifies as a what. No problem there.

  48. MJ, I can help if it’s a “what”, not if it’s a “who”.

    Damn! I thought we finally had a H2 hitman.

    *throws 72-page list on the floor and sulks*

  49. For mare only:
    I found this style dress at the Dress Barn while out shopping with the daughter. Only difference is the overlay is lacy with pearls scattered on it and the shoulder straps have the rhinestones. Tried it on thinking…’please don’t let me look like someone I know who wore something similar or an old bat’. Daughter likes it. I like that it wound up being $50. It may be a contender.

    https://tinyurl.com/y4rvsevz

  50. Beeasnsnsnssn, It’s $30 now! It HAS to be a contender!

    And DressBarn makes me think of Rosetta because we use to laugh about the name.

  51. I could probably kill someone in a defensive situation much more easily now than I could have before I had to kill the first varmint, but I don’t think assassination is really in the cards for me.

    Plus y’all couldn’t pay me enough.

  52. *throws 72-page list on the floor and sulks*
    ——————-
    Is that just the As?

  53. Internet swears this is Anllela, Leon.

    https://tinyurl.com/y5lo8l37

  54. OMG, her face muscles work too!

  55. Lunch is boiled egg, meatball, cherries, spoonful of tater salad with banana peppers because I ran out of onion.

    Dinner…maybe cabbage/veggie soup.

  56. Pretty sure HotSpur’s confessor had to retire with PTSD.

  57. When I’ve heard priests talk about administering the sacrament of confession, a few things seem to come through again and again:

    1) I forget all the specifics as soon as I can afterward, and God seems to help that happen. He’s forgotten it, so should I.
    2) I’ve heard it. Whatever it is, however bad, I’ve heard it. I’m not shocked and I’ll listen and advise as best I can. I’m glad you’re shocked, that means your conscience is working.
    3) When people come, I am seeing them at their best, not their worst. A truly repentant person in the confessional is a huge victory for them, for God, and for everyone.

    This is pretty good.

  58. >>>>Pretty sure HotSpur’s confessor had to retire with PTSD.

    HAHAHA, good one BroCavil!

  59. Leon, that is good, thank you.

    Did you happen to watch his video on committing the same sins over and over again? *waggles eyebrows*

  60. If that doesn’t make you happy, you might be a soy ingesting commie.

  61. I’ve watched it, Beasn. It’s part of what convinced me that I’m going where I expect. “Metanoia” hasn’t happened for me, despite my best efforts.

  62. Really though, this one was the clincher.

  63. Had to look up “metanoia”. Interesting how two of its meanings are both things I’m seeking but yet to find.

  64. Oooo, this one too. I started a long comment thread on that one.

  65. I didn’t watch the entire ‘clincher’ one, but he says ‘it’s a process’ and you’re mad at yourself for not being able to be saintly now. Perhaps with your big meat-fed brain, you’re overthinking it. Perhaps for you, the process is going to take another 5, 10, or maybe 20 years to start coming close to the standard.

    The whole camels going through the eye of a needle easier than most of us flawed bipeds thing had me wondering..’then what’s the point’. A quick flip through the interwebs…

    “Jesus’ answer is the basis of the gospel: “With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God” (Matthew 19:26). Men are saved through God’s gifts of grace, mercy, and faith (Ephesians 2:8-9). Nothing we do earns salvation for us. It is the poor in spirit who inherit the kingdom of God (Matthew 5:3), those who recognize their spiritual poverty and their utter inability to do anything to justify themselves to a holy God. The rich man so often is blind to his spiritual poverty because he is proud of his accomplishments and has contented himself with his wealth. He is as likely to humble himself before God as a camel is to crawl through the eye of a needle.”

    You’re being processed.

  66. The end of the “clincher” is “because you don’t want to be”, which is ultimately true. If I wanted to be, I would be by now. He also mentions that you have to love the process. I don’t. I hate it, I hate feeling bad all the time, worthless all the time. I know I can do nothing without God, that no good act is even possible without accepting an invitation from God to do that good thing. That being the case, why am I even here? Better to never have been made and thus not disappoint and frustrate.

  67. Next up on the “This Ole Yer going to Hell” blog……

    Purgatory Fact or Fiction?

    After these words from our Sponsors…..

    Have a tendency to over think things? Suffer from occasional Existential Angst? Well suffer no more! Presenting new (and now state approved) CANNABIS!

  68. Purgation is a fact. Whether it’s a place or a process is an open question, but it must happen.

  69. It’s also entirely possible that Purgatory might consist of simply reading the middle entry in the Divine Comedy until your time is up.

  70. L-R everyone in CT https://tinyurl.com/y3hs9khr

  71. OK, here’s a…whatever…question. Last several times I’ve attended religious observance (and this includes the unexpected visit from a priest from my former parish when I was in hospital a couple of weeks back), I wound up crying during the proceedings. I never used to do that. I’m not sure why I am now, and it worries me. (OK, lots of things worry me. Crying in mass. The state of the economy. Why I can’t find where the other fucking sock went. Bear with.)

  72. We were groundhog free for two weeks.

    A new one just moved into Fat Bastard’s condo.

  73. Picklepalooza is accelerating. Picked about 1/2 gallon of cukes today. Vines are still expanding. Soon will be buried. If I don’t turn up on the blog two days from now, come looking for me. Bring salt and garlic.

  74. Fat Bastard’s old hole must be like finding an unoccupied celebrity mansion, if you’re a woodchuck. They show up and they move right in. I wonder if there are any woodchuck skeletons in there.

  75. Second great big tomato just turning red on the vine was violated by a few squirrel bites out the top.

    *sigh*

  76. Cav, you’re probably just an overemotional wuss.

    Or, you know, you’re taking it seriously and the weight of it is hitting you harder than you expect.

  77. Comment by scott on July 29, 2019 5:45 pm
    L-R everyone in CT https://tinyurl.com/y3hs9khr

    ———-

    Oh my gosh, I had to hold my lady parts so I wouldn’t wet my pants laughing. That was so funny.

  78. was violated by a few squirrel

    ———

    Yikes. Animal porn in Lauraw’s back yard.

  79. Hmmm. Interesting point. I could monetize this. There’s some sick mufakus in the world.

    *sets up game camera in tomato patch*

  80. https://tinyurl.com/y6oc4hz8

  81. Comment by lauraw on July 29, 2019 6:01 pm
    Fat Bastard’s old hole……………..
    ==========

    Hey, Hotspur’s on a diet……….

  82. My first large tomato was at the mostly orange, some red, stage and I picked it before some critter gave it a taste. That happens way too often.
    I’ve got it on the windowsill until it’s ready.

  83. The nervous yawn. I love it.

  84. HAHAHAHA, that dog!

  85. If I wanted to be, I would be by now. He also mentions that you have to love the process. I don’t. I hate it, I hate feeling bad all the time, worthless all the time.

    I respectfully disagree. You work a job you don’t like, you’re married, you’re a man with testosteronies, democrats/commie media, and you have a young child. Any one of those can push a saint to their original flawed state. God knows and wants you to try again.

    Also, I don’t believe you have to love the process if you’re working your way through the weeds. Life is not happy happy fun fun all of the time. Priests are just men. Pretty sure most are not geniuses or psychiatrists. Where in the Bible does it say you have to do all the saintly things to nasty people and love it? If you are able to keep your temper and not strangle all the freaks, that alone is a plus. Eventually you’ll be happy you didn’t dig your hole deeper.

    Where is your happy place? Flame throwing weeds? Playing tea party with Possum? Fishing? Smelling grilled meat? Puzzles? Find it so you can have a few moments of peace. For missed opportunities or whatnot….let them go. Tomorrow is a new day.

  86. Leon, I’m going to plead “and”.

  87. I’m not laughing at your plight, Leon, but it’s ‘funny’ in the sense of the ‘odd’ meaning, that I have no faith and I don’t believe in Hell, but I’m always troubled my my failings and I’m worried about being a good enough person too. Why? No idea. It’s just important for some reason.

  88. If you are able to keep your temper and not strangle all the freaks, that alone is a plus.

    I have the sense that this would be extremely gratifying. Wrong, but gratifying.

  89. *perks ears up*

    *picks 72-page list up from floor*

    Listen, man, since we’re going the same way anyway…

  90. I’m not laughing at your plight, Leon, but it’s ‘funny’ in the sense of the ‘odd’ meaning, that I have no faith and I don’t believe in Hell, but I’m always troubled my my failings and I’m worried about being a good enough person too. Why? No idea. It’s just important for some reason.

    Holy Spirit pokin’ atcha.

  91. You should be here to see that eyeroll I just executed. Olympian quality. Dented my eyebrows.

  92. And honestly, there’s no one who’s name you’ve heard who could be “taken out” and the world would be better for it. Maybe the Indian Svengali behind the Justice Dems, but even he is too well known. The media would turn any of them into martyrs for Moloch.

  93. I got screamed at by a KNOWN panhandler, today. We were at Whataburger. Everyone knew that calling cops was useless. Customers and cast. Got a BOGO coupon. She called us “Fucking White People”. Dan thought I should cuss her out in Spanish. Pinche Puta to start.

  94. That is some bullshit. White people are WAY generous to panhandlers. I know, I are one. I don’t give, but I’m extremely exasperated with the ones who do.

  95. You should be here to see that eyeroll I just executed. Olympian quality. Dented my eyebrows.

    Veni sancti spiritus.

    Honestly, I don’t know how anyone can truly be an atheist without being a hedonistic nihilist.

  96. Lauraw, found out later that she has been tossed from Sam’s for shooting up in our bathroom.

  97. We are Rich White People That never have cash. Insert the F word where needed.

  98. a hedonistic nihilist.

  99. That’s some bullshit right there, Oso. With everything going on in your and Dans life right now, it’s just so maddening that you both are being subjected to shitty fast food.

  100. Is that a beef burger?

    No, it’s a Whataburger.

  101. I’ve heard rumors that it’s wildebeest.

  102. I wonder if Tushar’s cousin is still doing all his beef recipes with “water buffalo”.

  103. Some think it’s hopper based.

  104. Take the plastic off!

  105. Pups, we have to eat close to Club. I don’t Panera or Chipotle. Had a coupon. Our side of town didn’t have this issue until we got a bus hub. Cops are under DOJ review. Crappy response time. We may or may not illegally carry. NM gun laws suck.

  106. Hoppers are here.

  107. Pfffftttt…..grasshoppers.

    Shit, fifteen years ago the hipsters convinced us to try raw fish at sushi bars. Fifteen more years, and we’ll be eating chinches and drinking bedbug juice.

  108. Read the last sentence of Hotspur’s comment in a high English accent and die laughing.

  109. I’m hoping hipsters start going for chevron just I’ve got my meat goat operation into full swing.

  110. Lovely. Between the ONT and our continuing discussions at H(ellbound)2 I’m feeling a touch bit of existential despair now.

    Probably best I don’t drink anymore, as if I ever drank much to start with.

    I suck and I’m boring. FML.

  111. I’m entirely willing to moratorium the topic.

    Modern life is a skinner box with an assortment of addictions and distractions on offer. The menu of options is there with the primary goal of keeping you in the box.

  112. Dwight enjoys reading paperbacks.


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