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202 Comments

  1. Not surprisingly, my two favorites are the ones involving children.

    “My name is Jack.”

    Hhahahaahahahaha And I’m definitely going to try that vegetarian one.

  2. Mare, are you an insomniac too??

  3. PD, not sure what happened (besides getting older) but I go to bed between 9:00 and 10:00 and wake up bright eyed an bushy tailed (SYWM) at around 4:30-5:00. Closer to 4:30. Today it was 4:15. D’OH!

  4. Good one pupster. My faves are the condom kid and the dog poking his head in the bath.

  5. Ugh, ate late last night and had weird dreams because of it.

  6. About two out of every three nights I go to bed around 11 and wake up to take a leak around 2-3. And then I’m through sleeping for the night. It sucks. Usually on about every third night I’ll get 7 hours of sleep interrupted By 3-4 bathroom breaks.

  7. Mare, I asked my 10 year-old which was better, Alladin or TS4. She said, “That’s a tough decision.” She was non-committal. Both are good, she said. I saw Alladin with my 5 year-old. It was decent. Some minor twists from the cartoon.

  8. I’m hardly a night owl but I usually turn in around 9 and read my kindle briefly before sleeping. Paula wakes up super early and is in bed before 9 most nights. When I enter the room Star will bark at me like I’m an intruder. Every single flipping time. This wakes Paula up out of a dead sleep and that’s never a good scene for man or beast.

  9. https://www.frontpagemag.com/fpm/274279/inside-twisted-ravelry-controversy-danusha-goska

    Favorite comment: “Now there are all these odious gatekeepers – they join these communities and grow to control them, then demand conformity of everyone else. They even dictate terms to anyone they’ve chased off. It’s more than just ‘We won’t read what you wrote, we won’t buy what you’ve knitted, we won’t listen when you sing,’ it’s ‘You must never write, knit, and sing ever again. You will be punished for having done so by losing your job, even if you stop. You can lose your kids or be doxxed and attacked if we really feel like it, so you must not protest either.’ They then claim that this is diversity, love, and inclusion. One might as well claim that arson, poison, and fasting are forms of good cooking.”

  10. 10/10 at Del Boca Vista would smash.

  11. Thanks, Baka.

  12. Great comment from the article, Roamy.

    Yes, it’s hard to understand the….

    SJW:

    “You effing facist!! We hate you, you can’t bring your shit here!! You scum! You’re ruining this country!! How can you live with yourself??? You haters need to go!! Get out of here or we’ll key your car, trash your yard or physically attack you!!!!

    Normal human:

    “But I’m just wearing a red hat!”

  13. Heh. I had to scroll up, I thought Mare was thanking Nate for the “10/10 would smash” comment.

    BEHAVE YOURSELVES.

  14. Well, Mare is a 10/10 Would Smash.

  15. Advice for Car in

  16. Leon, if the septic truck thing doesn’t pan out, there’s always learning to shoe horses.

  17. Ducks,” Akter told me matter-of-factly, “can swim.”

    And there you have it

  18. I bought chimmichurri sauce a while ago and used it to marinate a pack of chicken thighs from Sam’s Club (no BJ’s this week). Chicken thighs are one of my favorite parts of the chicken. Sam’s was practically giving them away … $6 for a huge package. I have no idea how the chimmichurri will taste, I’ve never had it that I can recall. It’s got stuff I like in it so I’m sure it’ll be good.

  19. “Various almost certainly false etymologies purport to explain the name as a corruption of English words, most commonly the name “Jimmy Curry”[2][3], “Jimmy McCurry”,[2][4] or “give me curry”,[5] but no contemporary documentation of any of these stories has been found”
    ———-
    Hey little lady, lemme share some of my Jimmy Curry

  20. People are absolutely insane.

    Penelope has some friends who bought an older horse earlier this year. It was in such bad shape, they decided to have it put down. Of course being non-ranch people, they wanted to give it a decent burial. Sooooo, they asked #1 son to use our backhoe to bury the horse. He offered to put it down for them, but they insisted on having the vet do it.

    #1 son arrives at the requested time and digs the hole. Vet doesn’t show up. Instead of walking the backhoe back to our place to wait, they drive him back to our house, but………….they drop him off at the main road, because they don’t want to beat up their car on the dirt road. Never mind that they live 6 miles down a dirt road!!!! WTF. So he has to walk a mile and a half in 95 degree heat.

    Eventually they call and I have to drive him back. When we get there, we see the horse lying next to the pile of dirt, but, it has been gutted. WTF?? We look at each other. “Well, that’s going to get messy putting it in the hole.” #1 said it was bad, he started to work the horse into the hole, and of course the guts strung out all over. The people were standing there sobbing watching this. Way uncomfortable for him.

    Here’s where it gets really weird……I asked him why was it gutted. He said the vet doesn’t like giving horses the large amount of drugs to kill it, she thinks it’s cruel. So, she sedated it, then opened up the body cavity and stabbed it in the heart. What The Fuckity Fuck? That’s way past crazy. I can’t even imagine the reasoning behind that.

  21. That Vet is a head case. I know next to nothing about horses but based on watching No Country For Old Men and a basic familiarity with firearms I can think of at least two ways to put a horse down without gutting it.

  22. Pepe, that’s sick.

  23. Kind of funny. New Republic published an article about Mr.Gay-but-non-threatening. After the flak started, they said it was satire. Finally, they pulled it off the website.

    If you care to read it, http://archive.is/bPNOu

    It doesn’t read like satire to me, but then the Babylon Bee has been more believable than lib media lately. Tl,dr: gay guy doesn’t like Mayor Pete because he’s too white, too capitalistic, and didn’t come out sooner.

  24. They pulled it because even left-wingers were going, “What the hell…?”

    The writer was honest about what many on the left believe: that sex, and especially homosexuality, is to be in service to radical politics. You don’t sleep with someone because you’re attracted to them and want to stable, loving relationship. You fuck them because doing so advances the cause of smashing capitalism, patriarchy, heteronormativity, and monogamy.

  25. It reminded me of the feminists who can’t believe I took my husband’s name when we got married, that I don’t belong to the Society of Women Engineers, and I’m pro-life. I betray the sisterhood at every step, apparently.

  26. Blue on Blue. I’m for it.

  27. It is sometimes amazing to me what people are willing to spew out on to other people on the internets.

    Shhhh.

  28. https://tinyurl.com/y2closyy

  29. *reads horse story*

    What the holy hell, pepe!!

  30. roamy, It was the founders/owners of ravelry that took off their masks and pulled up their fascist boots. I do believe they are Massholes.

    Speaking of which, I sent Jess, founder of the site, a polite email on what I thought about their injection of politics into yarn art and that I was going to delete my account. I didn’t do it right away because I wanted to make sure she got it. Wellllll, when I went to delete my account, I got a message saying I had a too easy password and that I needed to change it. I went to reset the password so that I could get in and delete my account. I get a reset link right away but when I click on it, it says the link is expired.

    Nasty little cunts.

  31. “….once we started talking about weddings I did not want to look like I was raining on Beasnsnsnns parade or trying a “one-up” kind of deal. Anyhoo, my daughter got married this last weekend. ”

    1. You would have so not rained on anyone’s parade. It would have been nice to compare notes or something.

    2. Did I miss you ever saying anything about your daughter being engaged? I vaguely remember you hinting she might be getting engaged but you never come out and said so. Wth? Why do you hate us and not want us in your life?

    3. I so wish we could have done 23 people for my crabass daughter’s sake but husband. We went and ordered the cake yesterday and she went off on me again. I had to tell her to back the hell up and relax.
    —A. Have a happy heart, you’re getting married in a beautiful dress that you didn’t have to pay for.
    —b. you can’t tell your father how to spend his money
    —z. Go off and elope. You don’t need our permission to elope. Part of eloping is not telling anyone. Just meet us at the church in October. Afterwards you are welcome to attend the party we’re throwing for you at Andre’s.

  32. Bet that vet is pro choice. What a head case.

  33. Spot-on Alex.

  34. Climate change has made that way of life unpredictable, though—sudden floods caused rice crops and chickens to perish and incomes to plummet. Recently the couple switched and began raising ducks, a business that is now prospering. The reason for their success? “Ducks,” Akter told me matter-of-factly, “can swim.”

    Has anyone investigated this bs – that “climate change” has affected Bangladesh? Or do they just repeat it?

  35. 8th most populated country. Which I’m SURE hasn’t forced people to live where they didn’t previously.

  36. Bangladesh has a subtropical monsoon climate characterized by wide seasonal variations in rainfall, high temperatures and humidity. There are three distinct seasons in Bangladesh: a hot, humid summer from March to June; a cool, rainy monsoon season from June to October;

    Seems like this water problem may be systemic …

  37. Pretty sure Bangladesh has a long history of flooding made worse because third world.

  38. Heavy rainfall is characteristic of Bangladesh. With the exception of the relatively dry western region of Rajshahi, where the annual rainfall is about 1600 mm, most parts of the country receive at least 2000 mm of rainfall per year. Because of its location just south of the foothills of the Himalayas, where monsoon winds turn west and northwest, the regions in northeastern Bangladesh receives the greatest average precipitation, sometimes over 4000 mm per year. About 80 percent of Bangladesh’s rain falls during the monsoon season.

    Something MUST BE DONE. DUcks.

  39. Heartache (for the narrative):

    he most significant feature of the Bangladesh landscape is provided by the rivers, which have molded not only its physiography but also the way of life of the people. Rivers in Bangladesh, however, are subject to constant and sometimes rapid changes of course, which can affect the hydrology of a large region; consequently, no description of Bangladesh’s topography retains its absolute accuracy for long. One spectacular example of such a change occurred in 1787, when the Tista River underwent exceptionally high flooding; its waters were suddenly diverted eastward, where they reinforced the Brahmaputra. The swollen Brahmaputra in turn began to cut into a minor stream, which by the early 1800s had become the river’s main lower course, now known as the Jamuna. A much smaller river (the Old Brahmaputra) now flows through the Brahmaputra’s former course.

  40. These disturbances may produce winds with speeds exceeding 100 miles (160 km) per hour, and they may generate waves in the Bay of Bengal that crest as high as 20 feet (6 metres) before crashing with tremendous force onto the coastal areas and the offshore islands, causing heavy losses of life and property. Since the early 18th century, when records were first kept, more than 1,000,000 people have been killed in such storms, some 815,000 of them in just three storms occurring in 1737, 1876, and 1970.

    So, poor Bangladesh has suffered from our climate change disaster since 1737.

  41. Humn …

    In southeastern Bangladesh, experiments have been done since the 1960s to ‘build with nature’. Construction of cross dams has induced a natural accretion of silt, creating new land. With Dutch funding, the Bangladeshi government began promoting the development of this new land in the late 1970s. The effort has become a multi-agency endeavour, building roads, culverts, embankments, cyclone shelters, toilets and ponds, as well as distributing land to settlers. It was expected that by fall 2010, the program would have allotted some 27,000 acres (10,927 ha) to 21,000 families.[133] With an elevation of 1,064 m (3,491 ft), the highest peak of Bangladesh is Saka Haphong, near the border with Myanmar.

    Memo to urban planners – you can’t outwit mother nature.

  42. I’m done. I can’t deal with this bullshit anymore.

  43. 22lr between the eyes will turn off a horse like a light switch if it goes in straight. Works for cows and pigs, too.

    That bitch was crazy, but so were the horse owners.

  44. I still think you need ducks.

  45. That surprises me.

  46. Car in, pretty sure Dan and Joe can read that – but they won’t – and find OrangeManBad.

  47. Pepe, that Vet gets to treat farm/ranch animals? Does it believe in essential oils?

  48. Beasn, you aren’t making the cake?

  49. “22lr between the eyes will turn off a horse like a light ”
    =======

    Best place is to draw an imaginary X from the base of the ears to the opposite eyes. That’s the center of the brain.

    Yep, vet is a psycho.

  50. Pepe, I just thought LOLGF was funny. Not really about you. (FB reference.)

  51. HA! You’re great Beasnsnsns.

    From the day of engagement to Wedding day was 5 months. My youngest had very specific dates where she knew she could be in town that’s what gave us the July 6th date. That and the church 2 days later was going to have the pews taken out. Otherwise, she would have had to wait until the following January and she didn’t want to and I don’t blame her.

    It was nonstop, every day, all day planning and worrying fest (because I’m nuts). Everything was compressed so I had lots of hoops to jump quickly. My daughter works and I don’t have friends here, so I did every detail by myself (except for the cake tasting). STRESSFUL. My endless lists, and attention to detail paid off and it was small, very small but gorgeous and if guests are to be believed, “First class and beautiful from start to finish!”

    Even though it was small, I had to do everything you do for a big wedding.

    My daughter’s husband said it was the best day of his life.

    I’m ready for a vacation. A cheap one.

  52. Yay Mare!

  53. Our cheap vacays this summer have been Amarillo and CO baseball. Using points.

  54. Beasn, you aren’t making the cake?

    I wanted to because daughter wants a naked cake – easy peasy – but the logistics of the morning wedding and the lunch right after, which will be 45 minutes away, along with squeezing in some pictures, would make it too crazy. I’d be arriving after the guests to set it up.

    The bakery will deliver and set it up. All I’ll have to do is place some fresh flowers on it…unless I find some silk or paper ones, which the bakery will handle (they don’t mess with fresh flowers).

  55. Well, Amarillo is a tourism hotspot……mainly for the epic views. ;)

  56. Pepe, Sod Poodles shirts are adorable. Dan wore one last night and baseball nerds were nutting

  57. I will never understand “Scenic Overlook” people.

  58. If we only had 23 guests, which is what she really wanted, I would have been more than happy to have hosted the dinner here. But, again, husband, destroyer of lilacs.

    My daughter, on the one hand, wants me to do it all. On the other hand, I make a suggestion or decision and she nearly loses her shit.

    Many of the venues out here are booked one to two years in advance.
    I thought we got a deal at the hall we’re going with. Yes, it’s 45 minutes away from the Chapel but it’s a lot closer to most family members trekking back home.

    Then the husband is blaming me, “I told you not to sign on the dotted line (for that venue)…to wait so we can discuss and look at other options.” The hell? Where were you and her two months prior? I think they’re both trying to kill me.

    Oh, and then when daughter dropped the shower in my lap – for me to host it, husband is, “I don’t see a problem with having it here.” while I’m on the phone with the bridesmaid suggesting a place closer to where most of the attendees are located. Of course you don’t because YOU’RE NOT GOING TO BE HERE or have anything to do with the prepping, set-up, or execution.

    Yes, my hair is standing on end. Can you tell? I just ate a bag of Stacey’s Pita chips.

  59. Hey Beasn, what’s up?

  60. Scenic overlooks are fun for people who never get to relax their eyes and use them at maximum range. When I sit with my family and chat at my folk’s cottage it’s a genuine pleasure to get to look out across the lake and not at yet another glowing rectangle.

  61. https://theparadoxproject.org/2019/07/12/affirming-dignity/

  62. *puts oso in a headlock and pinches her nose*

  63. “What if there *isn’t* something we can do? What if there are limits to the problems we can solve? What if our solutions are bad? What if we’re making it worse?”

    Ding ding! Hello. Sometimes you have to stop and leave people alone, no matter how much they f*ck up their lives. And that means leave the laws alone, leave other people’s money alone, and if there are consequences to f*ck ups, follow through.

  64. *finds a hopper in my front garden*

    *puts hopper in box and sends it to oso*

  65. I have three things left to pack and it is all taxidermy.

    Moose, impala and crocodile. If I play my cards right I might get Wednesday off.

  66. “I think part of it was the polarization during the 2016 election, which really set a stark line between the front row and the back row.”

    Lots of people in the so-called front row, voted for Trump too.

  67. No hoppers!!! We had Millers this year. I H8 em

  68. *taxidermies hoppers….glues them to a board like they’re the Terracotta Army*

  69. Back row that voted for Trump. I was Cruzing. LIV Dan was a Trump Humper from the Simpsons escalator troll.

  70. The moose and impala both need antlerectomies.

    I plan on using a sawzall.

  71. I H8 Millers. Flying bastages

  72. *looks for crochet pattern to make a hopper*

    *giggles like Muttley*

  73. It’s probably what Jimbro uses.

  74. What do millers look like?

  75. * whispers *
    moth

  76. Moths. Millers are moths

  77. Scott knows. He knows

  78. They will kill you and everyone you love.

  79. Pretty sure they are meat eaters.

  80. “……..Anyhoo, my daughter got married this last weekend. ”

    ========

    So, when’s the due date? ;).

  81. Ohhh. You were going on about hoppers, I thought a miller might have been a hybrid hopper.

    *looks up crochet patterns for moths*

  82. Heh, Homan / Ocasio-Cortez congressional questioning. I think Homan knows what he’s talking about

    youtube

  83. You can dodge a moth. You never know which way a hopper is going to hop. They like to hang on.

  84. Millers are like uglier hummingbirds. They are assholes.

  85. In the past week, I have been attacked by Millers and Hummingbirds. Hoppers are in normal August pattern this year.

  86. We’ve got these tiny gnats now. They’re horrible. You can barely see them, and they get in your eyes and ears. They also bite, but not bad, because they’re so small.

  87. I H8 those no see ums.

  88. I’m being bedeviled by mosquitos and a vole.

  89. Can’t help with the mosquitoes. Vole needs a cowboy hat

  90. That Ravelry piece is so indicative of the two sides of the debate (and all the others, for that matter).

  91. What school did that vet go to, pepe? Harvard? It wasn’t Iowa State!

  92. https://tinyurl.com/yxmwr4lf

  93. beasn needs a bb gun with a scope.

  94. I wonder what the scene is like at FDIL’s house when they discuss the wedding. 11 months away. I personally think they are overdoing it, but Rocketboy doesn’t have much say. I have been told the rehearsal dinner will be on Thursday, so I am going to plan something for the out-of-town folks on Friday night, too, since I don’t know many people who will show up for a Saturday wedding on a Thursday.

  95. planning ahead, it’s the tool of the devil

  96. A different take on Megan Rapidhoe

    Blue Collar Logic, really liking his take on things.

  97. Good luck with the wedding, roamy, in case I haven’t said that.

  98. I’d like to lose about 50 lbs before the wedding, rather than look like Shamu in the mother-of-the-groom dress. No progress at all in the last month, which is very frustrating. My body loves all these fat cells and doesn’t want to give them up. Mr. RFH continues to be as skinny as ever and eat as many potato chips as he wants as loudly as possible while sitting next to me on the couch.

  99. heh, every potato chip I eat immediately attaches itself to me. Once I get these back issues behind me Imma gonna attack another exercise program. I really felt good while doing the kickboxing. I want to get back to that.

  100. I think you’ll like fine at the wedding, too.

  101. My biggest problem is sleep the last couple of months. I get at most 5 hours. If I go to bed at 10, I’m wide awake at 3 AM. If I go to bed at midnight, I’m up at 5. God forbid, if I’m up at 2:30 AM, I’m still up at 5 AM and dragging ass all damn day. I napped an hour and a half this afternoon, which will probably mess me up tonight, but it nearly doubled the amount of sleep I got today. I quit drinking alcohol, I have black-out shades on the windows, I have f.lux installed on the computer. Not sure what else to try.

  102. Well, I hope you get 7 hours tonight. 2am is late!

  103. Is there a bigger pussy anywhere in America than this Shawn King douche?

  104. No.

  105. Delicately, Edna repaired porcelain.

  106. Beasnsnsnsns, you’re smart not to make the cake. As it gets closer to the wedding you need that time. And lots of wedding planning is logistics so having others (professionals and friends) do as much as they can to free up your time and lower stress is smart.

    I didn’t have a planner because…too expensive. But I get where it’s nice to pay someone else to worry about every little detail.

  107. Roamy, I just saw a video where they were planning a wedding almost 2 years out. They said it’s necessary in order to get a popular venue. I would have lost my mind.

    I’ll say it though, weddings are a racket. Yes, they can be lovely and a lifetime memory but people go nuts. That was not how my daughter’s wedding was going to be. We wanted small, elegant, people we loved, everyone to be proud to be invited to and be a part of and lastly, have a really enjoyable time. Mission accomplished.

  108. My body loves all these fat cells and doesn’t want to give them up.

    ———–

    Roamy, don’t give up!!! You know the “whoosh” effect (yes, that’s an actual thing), if you keep doing what you KNOW works, your body will suddenly let go of water in the cells that acts as a place holder for the burned fat and whooosh, you’ll feel and look slimmer and the scale will finally drop. Really…don’t give up, you’ll get progress.

  109. 5 AM. At least the nap didn’t mess me up too bad.

  110. Mr. RFH and I are looking at visiting Crater Lake. I thought it would be nice to stay in the lodge inside the park. Apparently those rooms are booked up nearly a year in advance.

  111. The moose and impala both need antlerectomies.

    I plan on using a sawzall.
    ——–
    https://tinyurl.com/y4qaunza
    &
    https://tinyurl.com/y3qtkhm4
    &
    https://tinyurl.com/yygapqxb

    Those are all safe, bloodless pictures to click on. If you have the stomach for it they can all be seen in action on the internets.

    Big question from me, are you serial about cutting the antlers or joking? Hopefully joking because a moose or impala mount minus antlers or with superglued antlers is just silly. I once visited a family friend of my ex, her friend’s dad was a retired doctor and he had a full size taxidermy-ized bison that stood in his enclosed porch area.

  112. Second one comes with a lifetime warranty

  113. We have a couple of buck with antler mounts on the wall upstairs in the attic/room above the garage. Paula took them from Ben’s dad’s house for him to have some day after his dad passed. I rarely go up there and always do a double take when I walk in the room.

    –Nyaah … DEER!–

  114. Friend of mine inherited a stuffed bighorn sheep head. Humongous horns, was on the Boone and Crockett list?

  115. Adding to the plagued by insects theme, yesterday the house was filled with flies. Pretty sure they are cluster flies. I must have swatted a dozen of them and when I finally closed the sliding glass door there were at least a half dozen between the glass and screen. Luckily they’re slow moving and easy to swat. Sadly my bug-a-salt is up at camp.

  116. Huh, never heard of Boone and Crockett

    https://www.boone-crockett.org/index.asp

    Makes sense though, someone needs to track that stuff!

  117. I don’t know if it was a world record at the time or what, but there were bragging rights of some kind.

  118. Happy Bastille Day for our French lurkers

    https://tinyurl.com/y4fr9gzw

    Those tits are screaming “Liberte, Egalitie, Fraternite” (with the proper accents)

  119. wakey wakey

  120. https://tinyurl.com/y3zv328o

  121. Stella is barking /whining at me.

  122. Antlers are getting cut.

    People are stupid and buy things at auctions they cant afford to ship.

  123. Speaking of can’t afford to ship, I ended up buying another t-shirt from the vendor and having them ship it to Canada. It was cheaper to do that than to ship the first one myself, by about $8. There is a $10 international ship option, which I tried to get, but the post office twerp said was for documents only.

    So I either have an extra shirt or a future Secret Santa gift.

  124. I do not know what I just passed in the bathroom, but it was clearly not of this planet.

  125. Well, we have a 2019 contender for grossest comment.

  126. https://tinyurl.com/y4kykgws

  127. beasn needs a bb gun with a scope.

    Beasn has snap traps, buckets, and a husband who handles the carcasses.

  128. I’d like to lose about 50 lbs before the wedding, rather than look like Shamu in the mother-of-the-groom dress.

    Oy, I’ve been working on that too and them fat globules are stubborn f*ckers. I eat one cookie..ONE…and I’m up two pounds. Takes a few days for it to go back down. Husband eats cookies every night before bed and it jumps on me. I haven’t even started looking for dresses.

    It also doesn’t help the not sleeping thing, which is also a problem. Which can screw up the ability to melt fat. The stress of a daughter who gets pissy and the oblivious lilac killer can be setbacks too.

  129. Aww, that’s a nice looking arteest puppy, puppeh.

  130. HA, pupster! I don’t know if that dog caught the duck, but I’ve seen the ducks that visit my yard, do that when they hear/see something threatening. They flatten out. The two in my yard, a bonded pair. Once flat, the male will then, in that position, move himself to be between the threat and his bride.

  131. For Pupster, but I’m pretty sure it’s missing a couple of zeros.

    https://tinyurl.com/y2bcewvj

  132. From Ryan Saavedra on twitter (he has video to accompany it)

    “Hundreds of illegal immigrants from Africa storm the Pantheon in Paris and demand immigration papers and housing.”

    Who wants to bet France will line them up and kiss their asses?

  133. WWMD

    M = Macron

    He’ll fold

  134. I wonder how ICE is doing today?

  135. Saw a wild cow flatten out like that one time. Crawled into some brush and flattened out. Neighbor’s cow. :)

  136. Oy, I’ve been working on that too and them fat globules are stubborn f*ckers. I eat one cookie..ONE…and I’m up two pounds. Takes a few days for it to go back down. Husband eats cookies every night before bed and it jumps on me.

    Wait, shouldn’t your hubby jumping on you be good exercise?

  137. *must…not…reply*

  138. Should I make the “Thirty second abs” joke?

  139. Roamie,

    This will sound cheesy, but give WW a try. I did it and was happy with the 20+ loss.

    They finally embraced keto.

  140. Meanwhile I’m in Amsterdam TOTALLY blowing through my weekly points in beer and frittes.

    Like a boss.

  141. Before bed I may take a walk through the red light district.

    Just to to get the steps in.

    Hey, you gotta walk somewhere.

  142. Count your macros: https://app.macrostax.com

  143. But I highly recommend you don’t follow the ‘if it fit, eat it ” model. 800g a day of fruits and veggies.

  144. 800g = what in American?

  145. This sounds lovely.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P77wyj4yfdU

  146. Wear a body condom, Phat.

  147. Beans, ain’t nothing wrong with window shopping.

    That’s why they are in windows.

  148. Weird fact.

    Every time I walk through the red light district it’s on my way back from the grocery store (AH).

    The canal bridge I walk over has me forced, forced! To look at on a window. It’s a blond girl with some assets.

    I’m usually walking by around 2 pm, so that must be her shift.

  149. Sooooo, I just had to do one of those CAPTCHA things where you click the proper pics so they know you aren’t a computer.

    I assume this means that, since computers can’t do it, it is someone’s job to sit in a room all day and click the correct pics so they know the answer to match. Egad, that sounds horrible.

  150. It’s always the same lady, if she plays her cards right, she could be the next ex-mrs Phat.

  151. Grams are bullshit.

    Hey, Phat, good to see your snout around here.

  152. I’m hoping that the CAPTCHA deal is preprogrammed as either “Go” or “No Go”. Please tell me that’s true. I did one once for a product I was backing on a crowdfunding site and it put me in an endless loop trying to identify traffic lights or bridges or some such shit. I tried a few times and gave up. I asked the guy for a refund finally which he reluctantly gave me.

  153. I am tracking macros with Cronometer. 800 g is 1.76 lbs. I’m pretty limited on fruit at the moment. Faceplant group is telling me to cut out dairy, but it’s cream in my coffee and a half-cup or less of full fat plain Greek yogurt, sometimes cream cheese in a recipe.

  154. The captcha meme with “U.S. Presidents” with Bill, Hillary, and Trump cracks me up every time.

  155. I think the Padres pitcher who just got thumped by the Braves is the grandson of a lady who used to be a fellow parishioner.

  156. 800 g really isn’t that much. I’ve been making this riced cauliflower thing with broccoli and spinach … I can easily put away 200 g of that – or more. I love it.

    A banana is about 100g. The 800 g thing includes ANY veg (or fruit) so watermelon and potatoes (sweet).

  157. When I do it, I feel better. I know when I first started doing macros, I didn’t pay enough attention to my veggie intake.

  158. Week and a half until Chevelle. I cannot wait. Bucket list concert. CoAlex, this is the same venue for our show in August. I’m going to investigate the VIP parking situation. It’s not a “parking closer” issue I don’t care. It’s the LEAVING the venue issue. It takes forever to get out of that lot. If VIP is quicker – it’s going to be worth it.

  159. Very impatient people.

  160. –if she plays her cards right, she could be the next ex-mrs Phat.–

    What ’til he finds out he tucks.

  161. If I ate 800 grams of fruits/veggies there’d be piss coming out my ass, 6 out of 12 months.

    HAHAHA

  162. LOL, just said that to my husband. He doesn’t always get H2 phraseology.

  163. My summer allergies are just about gone.

    I no longer need to wear a mask when I cut the lawn.

  164. Husband’s allergies are at peak having to wear a mask while cutting the lawn.
    Rain is predicted for tomorrow. Head is starting to hurt and I’m sneezing.

    Won’t be long before ragweed.

  165. Roamy, there is a yogurt called Too Good. The Vanilla has 3 TOTAL carbs and 80 calories. Add a 1/2 serving of Lilly’s sugar-free chocolate chips (30 calories) and that’s a heck of a low carb, low-calorie snack/meal. I know Publix sells it.

    If you want a kick starter, there are a few things to try. Go carnivore for 3-5 days. Strict. Or meals with just eggs. May sound gimmicky but you get quick results and it helps with bloating and gives you momentum. And I know a few people who have had great success with the beef and butter 3 day kick start. It’s exactly what it sounds like, the fat from butter and the fat and protein from beef. And obviously, no carbs. From what my friends/online folks have said they lose weight and the average gain back if they stay keto is minimal. Just some thoughts.

    If you’re making and eating keto desserts it’s time to just say no. They are easy to overeat and the artificial sweetener is no good.

  166. Oh, and a loooooooon plateau is normal for weight loss. It’s just so fricken frustrating. You’re doing everything right and you think nothing is happening but it’s happening.

    If you’re doing it right.

  167. oops forgot the g in long

  168. Also,

    CAULK!!!!

  169. What ’til he finds out he tucks.

    ———

    LOL

  170. Educational videos for Pupster

  171. Anybody have any zero turn mower advice? I am shopping.

    My old mower is pushing 30.

  172. Buy a scythe.

  173. Not Amish.

  174. Removing europeon hornets from a tree

    Wow.

  175. I am not doing any artificial sweetener desserts. Most of them give me migraines, and the only one that doesn’t, stevia, has an aftertaste I can’t stand. I stick to a small square of dark chocolate if I have to have something or 10 blueberries.

  176. Gassed up in COSPRGS today. Thought of Phat. Lots of AFA crap at Sam’s Club.

  177. Scott, check WalMart.com

  178. Mr. RFH has a zero-turn Cub Cadet and hate hate hates it. He is waiting for it to die so he won’t feel guilty in buying a new one, and it keeps breaking down but dumb little shit like a couple of bolts shearing off, a flat tire, or the battery dying. So he fixes it and swears profusely. I’m like, dump the motherfucker already. It’s 11.

  179. Tarantula Hawk vs. Tarantula

    This is why I live where the air hurts my face in the winter.

  180. You guys have missed out on the 2019 chile wars.

  181. Our previous riding lawnmower was a Craftsman. It wasn’t zero turn, but it lasted 19 years.

  182. Next one will likely be a Hustler, based on my nephew’s recommendation.

  183. Cub Cadet ruled out.

    I think I am down to John Deere and Ariens.

  184. An amigo died in front of me while I was in the checkout line at the market. I had to push it out of the way to get free.

  185. Manager tells man he needs to remove his MAGA hat | What Would You Do? | WWYD

    Manager tells man to cover up his Impeach 45 shirt | What Would You Do? | WWYD

    Interesting flip. Conservative bad. I disagree with the manager, even the Impeach 45 shirt.

  186. My brother loves his Dixie Chopper.

  187. Trying to remember what mom and dad have, it’s escaping me. But they like theirs too.

  188. They use a Dixie Chopper at work too, lots to mow. He can go very fast with that one.

  189. Mom has a Walker Super Bee.

  190. That ain’t all your mom has.

  191. We have tarantula hawks and tarantulas. Never seen them fight. Pretty cruel, the wasp paralyses the spider, then lays eggs in it.

  192. Those hornets are intimidating as hell. Every once in awhile, one will saunter through my garden and I instinctively freeze and slowly back away. Big fothermuckers.
    In another one of that guy’s videos, he shows the tools of the trade. He uses a small shop vac with a gallon of water and a couple drops of Dawn. Sucks them up, where they drown. He also showed a picture of his hand after his grinder bounced back and ‘bit’ him. Holy shit. Get a guard and some kevlar gloves, yeesh.

  193. Here’s the video. See if you can find the parts that may qualify him to be a Hostage.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pt9V37OkvGY

  194. Darren exceeded Rachael’s preconceptions.

  195. (Not) shockingly, the news reports of Trump’s tweet yesterday is focusing on “racist” language and not putting it in context.

  196. Trump is not a racist. Never has been and all the black people who kissed up to him before he was President know it. But they are cowards and assholes so will not speak up on his behalf.

    Their stupidity and disgustingness make me racist.

  197. Binders are empty. I have to go hunting for a few minutes.


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