It’s Jordan Binnington’s World, We’re Just Living In It

Let’s begin this poat with a New Hamster-based metal band with a sense of humor. Without further ado L & G’s, I give you the oddly melodic, entirely profane, yet-in-the-end, satisfying sounds of Scissorfight!

Be sure to check out the dulcet tones of Scissorfight’s “Outmotherfucker The Man” from their Piscataqua CD! On many a long trip out of Maine this is a happy sight on the journey home.

Father’s Day fast approaches. Nothing but good memories of the old man for me. Yeah, we had our moments where we wanted to kill each other but I’m pretty sure that’s a part of our species. An unfortunate head injury and subsequent form of dementia robbed our family of about 6 years at the end but when it was time, it was a blessing for him and us. I’m trying to think of any gifts we got him over the years and really can’t think of any obvious ones. Pretty sure there were a few ties over the years but mostly just visits home and dinner with the family and calling it good. Knowing my dad I’m sure that was enough. I’m pretty sure he was simply satisfied with our accomplishments, our lack of any criminal convictions and conspicuous absence of neck or face tattoos. Anyway, when watching the local news, I heard that spending on Father’s Day is approaching spending for Mother’s Day (I think dads get 77 cents for every dollar spent on moms which is a bullshit stat, much like the wage comparison fantasy). So let’s take a peek through the kaleidoscope and take a peek at a few classic Dad’s Day gifts.

Super Casual Friday

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Handy, affordable, get yours now!

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Bouquet for dad!

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One stop shopping

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Pull up a chair

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Go for the socks!

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I’ll leave you with these

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I think a mug, breakfast and hanging out to grill meat is a great idea.

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144 Comments

  1. Although I’m disappointed in the Stanley Cup Finals’ outcome I can see that the better team won. Blues were more aggressive throughout the series and aside from one game they lost kept it close the whole way through. I fell asleep in the second period, B’s down 2-0 and woke up when Paula grabbed the remote to turn the TV off. When I looked up I saw a close up of a Blues player holding the cup over his head which told me the outcome.

  2. I highly approve of this poat.

  3. Nice poat, Jimbro. Thanks for the product placement!

  4. Please baby Jesus let this Warren bounce be real.

    Could you imagine Hillary 2.0?

    And the press are so dumb they’ll just run the exact same script from 2016.

    Oh lord please let her pass out and get thrown in a van like a sack of beef!

  5. Fanks guys

    Read a column in the WSJ describing Biden as someone who will let Trump be Trump and absorb the blows/insults. This strategy supposedly alienates Trump from suburban women or something. It finishes by saying that Trump is not Biden’s biggest problem, his abortion loving wack-a-doo Democrat party is out of control.

  6. wakey wakey

  7. wonder if beasn survived the night.

  8. Japanese cargo ships attacked in the Strait Of Hormuz … Iran or a false flag by the CIA or any one of a number of actors invested in the US beating the war drum on Iran?

    Discuss

  9. Warren is the perfect Democrat candidate of the twentyfirst century, a shrill idiot who demands you bow to her because of who she portrays herself to be, while simultaneously being obviously and utterly unfit for any level of power whatsoever.

  10. Pupper stole moose’s spot under the computer table. And she’s doing it HARD. Complete puppy coverage of both feet.

  11. Perfect treat for a hot summer day in New England

    https://tinyurl.com/y4sojlpg

  12. Pupper stole moose’s spot under the computer table. And she’s doing it HARD. Complete puppy coverage of both feet.

    Well, your day is over. Nothing more can be done.

  13. I just found out i was held in a Japanese Internment Camp when I was little.

    Ok, my dad was stationed at Ft. Sill, but my version is better! REPARATIONS FOR JAY!

  14. *starts drum circle

  15. If I had to be at Fort Sill I’d want reparations as well.

  16. She released me. Now up to the school to report a teacher who fucked up yesterday.

  17. Car in, what did the teacher say?

  18. Heh, that school trip should be fun. I wonder if the teacher knows it’s coming?

  19. Car in should probably buy a wig so she has the appropriate hairstyle to let everyone know she’s there to talk to the principal.

  20. Yesterday, one of the weather guys was talking about how allergy sufferers were having some relief – for the day – because low levels of tree pollen and moderate grass pollens. WTF? Moderate grass pollens is not ‘some relief’ and I noted how he didn’t mention the astronomical levels of mold.
    My teeth – from sinuses – were aching all day yesterday and due to yesterday’s rain, my head today….oy.

  21. *looks at wig description:

    “A soft pale natural blonde cut in to a short stacked bob with textured frame framing layers. It will have swing and bounce.
    Perfect for a night on the town, Vegas, a bachelor party!”

    Bachelor party????

  22. Re: Fauxcahontas

    I’ve got people in my family who lurve themselves some Fauxcahontas.

  23. A few days ago Paula had a stuffy nose, sore sinuses and felt crappy. I brilliantly diagnosed with her with seasonal allergies and recommended Claritin. She soon felt better. Now I have the same thing and dammitall, it’s a man cold, not allergies!

  24. It’s disheartening to think that it is impossible to change the minds of around 40% (not sure of the % really) of the Country because they are so irrational and emotional.

    When I watch the “women’s march” and other stupid feminists garbage I think, “man, those guys are right, women shouldn’t be allowed to vote.”

    Then there are women who are very logical, rational and practical, Margaret Thatcher for example.

    And of course, conservative women, in general, seem to use the rational side of their brain more than other women.

    I don’t know what I’m saying but that’s never stopped me before.

  25. Also, CAULK!!

  26. Everything I needed to know about women in politics could be learned from a careful reading of Lysistrata.

  27. I’d say it’s not that conservative women are somehow much more rational, as it is that they are more realistic about the world. Hence, they tend to have a much more practical view towards problems and political issues.

  28. On the other hand, men, like Bernie Sanders, with zero logic or practicality sound like stupid women so I know intellectually it’s not male-female, but more, left brain- right brain.

  29. I disagree, Alex. There are many women I know (the women here at H2) that think (actually looking at the world differently, summarizing it and practically prioritize information and events) differently than most women they know. Although I tend to surround myself with women who don’t do drama, don’t have a messed up life and tend to see the world positively because they are successful in it. But I do know women who make decisions (big ones) from an emotional place.

    There is a female factor but mostly it’s personality and how individuals whether male or female look at the world.

  30. Ideology is everything. If you start out with an ideology that says you, without having done anything to earn it, are entitled to the fruit of someone else’s labor, you’re starting at an intellectual stance that is already off the rails.

  31. Ethan was taking a final (math) and he could hear a teacher across the hall mocking and making fun of him.

  32. Sex has nothing to do with it. Ideology is everything. Marx, a male, came up with a corrupt ideology which at heart runs contrary to human nature. If you start out with the intellectual stance that you are entitled to something you did not earn yourself, and you have also compartmentalized many resulting internal contradictions (like, society’s wealth is scarce and finite, yet the wealth of others for you to take is infinite), you’re already off the rails into unicorn-land and subject to lots more fantasy-programming.

  33. Hannah’s bf is a straight up commie.

    I think I’m going to have to have him killed.

    Forget I wrote that.

  34. I’m gonna go ahead and throw that first one back in the trash bucket.

  35. That happened to me once in grade school. I was in the library in detention and a couple tables away, my teacher was grading papers with another teacher. He was making fun of my answers on a history test that I took wild guesses at. I think he was being a deliberate catty bitch (floridly gay guy, no way he didn’t know I was there and listening, I was literally the only kid there).

  36. Car in, I know some people. Doesn’t have to be permanent, but we can get him out of her life and theoretically off of voter rolls.

  37. He is a white male attending college in an urban setting, right?

    He can be ruined for life and matrimony in a matter of hours.

  38. He’s not attending college. He’s pursing a career in music. @@

  39. Comment by Car in on June 13, 2019 11:33 am
    Hannah’s bf is a straight up commie.

    I think I’m going to have to have him killed.

    Forget I wrote that.

    Is he a soiboi who probably couldn’t life a tire, let alone change one?

  40. He’s really almost the perfect embodiment of Marx of today. Can’t support himself, lives off his parents (or us and hannah) and is full of bs ideas about which he knows nothing, and are not rooted in reality.

  41. Hannah’s too cute to waste her time with a loser musician.

  42. Yes. He can’t change a tire too. And he’s constantly losing things.

  43. How much weed does he smoke?

    Sounds like a lot.

  44. I think Alex, MJ, and I need to be in the same room as him and Hannah for about 15 minutes. She’ll bail when he starts crying or tries to hit us.

  45. Musician culture is druggie culture. How do these losers always latch on to nice girls?

  46. Why is Hannah so angry at Pay? That’s the real question.

  47. Urrrgh, still wiped out from the knife show. Trying to back into the swing of things.

    Me: Man I’m still tired.
    Penelope: You should rest for a while. Oh, and you need to get 2 new knives with exotic materials, complicated finish, and marked on the inside with initials of the buyer and his brother done in 5 or 6 days……
    Me:………..

  48. Comment by lauraw on June 13, 2019 11:59 am
    Musician culture is druggie culture. How do these losers always latch on to nice girls?

    Magic Pussy Syndrome. She thinks that she can magically turn a shiftless musician with a part-time job and a low-level drug habit into a respectable husband.

  49. Went out for a walk with the dog this morning. We were walking up a hill when he spotted a couple of squirrels running around in the canyon. He raced down the hill and caught one………then the squirrel caught him. He yelped and ran back to me with a WTF??? expression. It just bit his lip, but he learned a valuable lesson. These squirrels are mean, the cats are afraid of them.

  50. She thinks that she can magically turn a shiftless musician with a part-time job and a low-level drug habit into a respectable husband.

    The best she can hope for is that he gets elected to Congress.

  51. Debbie Dingell isn’t going to last much longer. He should move to Ann Arbor and take a shot at it.

  52. Haha, killer squirrels!

  53. Magic Pussy Syndrome

    That would be a hell of a good name for an alt rock band. Maybe they could open for Tool.

  54. “I saw Magic Pussy open for Tool at the PalinDome back in ’07!”

  55. Maybe they could open for Tool.

    We’ll know in 20 years, when they release another album.

  56. aug 30th, haters.

  57. https://tinyurl.com/y2prpwvr

  58. “There are many women I know …. that think ……differently than most women they know.”

    My husband says I’m not normal. I take it, and it’s meant, as a compliment.

  59. So wait, Hannah is studying for med school and is dating a musician with little ambition for much else.
    Who wants to take bets on when this ends or his head falls out of his ass and he learns a trade, instead?

  60. He probably lacks the grip strength a trade would require.

  61. Is Hannah’s boyfriend good looking?

    Beasnette’s boyfriend plays piano and some guitar. I wonder if that was part of the attraction. But he does have a full time job, if it’s only 3 days a week.
    *irritated because I know if it were Mr. B. at that age, he’d have gotten two jobs and not done nothing the other 4 days*

    What is it with young people these days?

  62. Hahaha, leon!

  63. I bet he’d lose at arm wrestling with an average 65yo man.

  64. I’d bet he’d lose at arm wrestling with the 40 something mother of his girlfriend.

  65. Beasn, that should go without saying. She can deadlift 270, he’d probably hurt his hands on old knurling trying to lift the empty bar.

  66. Yes, he smokes a lot of pot. Hannah’s not innocent in that either, but she she’s a straight A pre-med student and works nights in a hospital, so she knows when and when not. Her boyfriend works part time for us, and Pat says he seems high most of the time. He also is ADD, and can’t keep anything straight. I don’t know what the attraction is, but it’s something something about him being a somewhat popular DJ in Detroit. He’s in all the circles, etc. People “know” him.

    We’re just going to have to kill him.

  67. Or hire a tranny hooker to get him to cheat on her and get it on tape.

    Really, killing him is a last resort. There are cheaper and easier ways to get this job done. Imagine there are moles in your garden, chewing up your goji berries. Sure, you could kill them, but it serves the purpose just as well to get them to go elsewhere of their own accord.

  68. He was making fun of my answers on a history test that I took wild guesses at. I think he was being a deliberate catty bitch (floridly gay guy, no way he didn’t know I was there and listening, I was literally the only kid there).

    In your history teacher’s defense, Lauraw, you are one funny motherfucker. I can only imagine what you wrote.

  69. Honestly, dude is just going nowhere right now. And, if he (really not a chance) makes it, what do you think the chances are that he’s going to be faithful to his college girlfriend?

    WOrst case, she drops everything for him, and he cheats on her, dumps her .

    this is like every bad story out there.

  70. How is she blind to this? Anyone could see it? Why isn’t she dating other med students? Isn’t that what they do?

  71. When she met him, he was still going to college. He was smarter than her, she said. Sure …

    Love is blind.

  72. Just think how Leon’s MIL felt about him back in the day. That had to be tough for her to take.

  73. It seems likely that when she becomes employed in her chosen field, he will suffer in comparison to the people she meets at work. Let’s hope he doesn’t sense this before she starts working or he may try to sabotage her.

  74. Just think how Leon’s MIL felt about him back in the day. That had to be tough for her to take.

    I had a full time job and owned a house nicer than the one she lived in at the time… that belonged to her mother, with whom she still lived. I drove a mid-sized sedan I’d bought new the year before.

    Yep, I was a damned nightmare.

  75. If you listen to Allison Armstrong who studies men and women AND THEIR DIFFERENCES, women see the world differently then men. I think that’s pretty obvious. She has a podcast or a recording of a seminar for men and women but it’s basically how to understand women. For example, women and men see safety in their environment differently. I’m a bigger, stronger woman and I absolutely agreed with her. Women are conscious of their safety in most situations, men not as much if at all. My husband can’t remember the last time he thought about his safety outside of our home.

  76. Just think how Leon’s MIL felt about him back in the day. That had to be tough for her to take.

    She liked that he had a stable union job in the Lollipop Guild.

  77. Her boyfriend works part time for us, and Pat says he seems high most of the time. He also is ADD, and can’t keep anything straight.

    ———-

    My nephew in law, smoked pot every day in high school and now has schizophrenia. Many studies proving the link between the two. He is a classic case of weed causing the developing brain to go haywire. He is basically nonfunctioning in the sense that he can’t hold a job, needs meds he doesn’t want to take to stay together and will be a burden on the state (CA) the rest of his life. But, hey, legalize pot and tell kids it’s better than regular cigarettes or alcohol

    Hannah’s boyfriend is a loser and she is WAAAAAAY out of his league. Let’s hope in the near future she’ll see the light and say, “he was a phase I was going through.”

  78. Pat says he seems high most of the time. He also is ADD,

    Hmm, wonder if there is a connection somewhere…

  79. Also, beasn should not smoke pot. It’s bad for the baby.

  80. leon says weird things now. Imagine if he was high…

  81. I’m a lateral thinker, Jay. It’s a gift.

  82. Y’all are harsh today.

  83. Why isn’t she dating other med students?

    I think doctors date nurses. Maybe there aren’t that many male nurses there.

  84. There probably are but they’re all queer.

  85. Pupster doesn’t have daughters.

  86. Worst case, she drops everything for him, and he cheats on her, dumps her .

    She’s dating Sean’s Penis?

  87. Comment by Hotspur on June 13, 2019 2:24 pm
    There probably are but they’re all queer.

    My cousin just graduated nursing school. He’s married to his HS sweetheart and she’s a nurse as well. I guess he’s going to become a nurse anesthetist. The two of them, no kids, should make very good money.

  88. She’s dating Sean’s Penis?

    Nah, Erin’s the one working in the food service industry.

  89. My cousin just graduated nursing school. He’s married to his HS sweetheart and she’s a nurse as well.

    Has she noticed that he’s a bit light in the loafers?

  90. Has she noticed that he’s a bit light in the loafers?

    No, usually because he’s too busy fucking your mom.

  91. I laughed but it’s not funny.

    https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

  92. CRNA’s make a boatload of money. And they go home when their shift is over.

  93. For the guys!

    https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

  94. Mom! Mare’s drunk on caulk again!

  95. That picture is so old TMC colorized it.

    The History Channel doesn’t remember when Hillary was that thin.

  96. The Tabasco sauce in the eyes made me laugh. Who cares if it’s old?

  97. Camel Toe Aficionados care Mare. That’s who. I’ve seen camel toe and I know camel toe. That was not camel toe.

    MOOSE KNUCKLE !!!

  98. I’m watching videos showing how unhealthy and insane vegans become. My favorite was a guy who compared his arms to his cat’s who is a carnivore. These people are nuts and they absolutely age prematurely. Yikes. One guy talked about how being vegan put him at a better vibration.

    Hoo boy.

  99. On the upside, many female vegans lose their menstrual cycle so they won’t procreate soon.

    The acne, dark circles, eczema and inability to think clearly is rampant in vegans. Yikes.

  100. Hahaha 3 of the women I work with live with and have children with “DJ’s”. They don’t marry. If they marry, they lose their SNAP benefits.

  101. Mare, I read an article where a vegan made her cat vegan. The cat died. Has every one that intends to watch John Wick 3, watched it?

  102. Veganism basically eliminates fertility in both sexes, Mare. It’s the perfect diet for Agenda 21.

  103. /points and laughs at Oberlin

  104. meh on John Wick 3. Setup for 4.

  105. DJ?

  106. Do any vegans acknowledge their canine teeth? Or do they file them off?

  107. No, I want to see it, Oso.

  108. Heh, good point, Jay.

    One gal was going on and on about her hair loss and couldn’t figure out the problem. Whaaaat?

    Another was going on and on about her acne and how she even had them on her lips. Whaaaat?

  109. Also, beasn should not smoke pot. It’s bad for the baby.

    Hey, if there is anything you motherf*ckers should know about teasing me with out and out, awful, flipping lies, it’s this…I would never ever harm the baby that I’m carrying.

    And you should know BY NOW where I stand regarding pot and the heads that inhale it.

  110. Another was going on and on about her acne and how she even had them on her lips. Whaaaat?

    These are not pimples, and Valtrex won’t help you in a nutrient-deficient state.

  111. Didn’t think that was an awful lie, just a little fun one. Sorry bout that.

  112. One of the comments at mare’s swamp coochie link..

    “That Has to be diaper wrinkle right!”

  113. Jay, re-read my comment. I was only half lambasting yous guys. Potheads indignant-izes me. I ‘worked’ with too many of them useless idjits.

  114. no biggie

    *off to test some more

  115. My nephew is a vegan. I cut him slack though. He’s got Crohn’s Disease and pays very close attention to what he eats because the effects are almost immediately obvious. There are some studies suggesting fewer relapses when eating a plant based diet.

  116. DJ is code for millennial living off partner while waiting for the “Perfect Gig”. Meantime they constantly upgrade their stuff and work weddings, block parties, and family gatherings.

  117. If I could, it wouldn’t bother me in the least to be expecting. Unfortunately, once I hit 50, my metabolism put on a robe and some slippers. It’s hard to nudge the f*cker off the sofa.

  118. ^^ In reference to my mid-life gut.^^

  119. No spoilers then. I can’t wait for JW4. May 2021.

  120. If they didn’t have kids, would they need SNAP benefits? Math is hard.

  121. Jimbro, that’s different. He needs to be militant for his health. I bet he isn’t making everyone around him Vegan.

  122. J’ames, these people are a bunch of entitled kids that expect the whole world to cater to them.

  123. Be interesting to see if your nephew would be okay with a carnivore only diet.

  124. Hardly. He’s super polite and working in a cancer research lab. Trying to get into med school. He’s taking the long way sort of like my sister did to become a nurse.

  125. Regardless of his diet, your nephew seems like a great kid.

  126. Anecdotally, paleo treats Crohn’s without slowly destroying your brain and vital organs like veganism does.

  127. When I was doing the accounting thing, we had a nurse anesthetist who was making $350K+ per year, and that was 20 years ago!!!

  128. Hmmm, looks like everybody is looking up the requirements to be a nurse anesthetist………

  129. Mare needs to be bant for at least a week for that photo of Cankles’ Kamala Harris.

  130. To get anywhere in town I have to cross railroad tracks.

    Those tracks have never been used in the 31 years I have lived here, so I pay no attention to them.

    Trains started using them again last week,

    Pray for Oso.

  131. There’s trains that run around here but so infrequently that you never know when you’ll see the flashing lights. And there’s no gates or barriers, just flashing lights and a train horn if you’re lucky.

  132. Mare, hurry up and watch JW3. We need to talk. (Watch I’ll Always Be Your Maybe on Netflix.) Keanu Meme

  133. I’m all about train safety. NM leads the nation in per capita train deaths.

  134. We don’t even have flashing lights.

    The train is limited to 10 MPH so at least there is that.

  135. Scott, NM True. We have flashing lights, barriers, horns…doesn’t matter. I used to have a shopping cart analogy with shopping. It is true. Even worse with forklift safety

  136. Jay, I had an idea about your zombie trees.

    Not sure it will work but it might be worth a try.

    Cut them in late summer / early fall. Drill a bunch of holes in the cut.

    Pour in Roundup or brush killer.

  137. Thought about that too. Other sites have said to cut at the height of growing, and spray the crap out of the cut.

    If they come back again, I’ll definitely cut out the excess and soak it.

  138. TIL that the original Doors’ keyboardist Ray Manzarek plays on Weird Al’s Craigslist and Mark Knopfler plays on Money for Nothing/Beverly Hillbillies.

  139. And I still can’t get the damn janitor at work to do his freakin’ job. My co-worker retired at the end of April. I spent three days going through all the papers in his office, then I told the janitor I needed the floor stripped and re-waxed and the pile of cardboard boxes in the hallway recycled. Told him a second time before I left for Maine. Told him a third time when I got back from Maine. He stopped me in the hall Tuesday and asked if I wanted the cardboard gone. YES, dammit. As of 5:30 PM today, it’s still there, the floor is still filthy, and I bet $20 if I do it myself, I’ll get a damn union complaint.

  140. Also one year until FDIL becomes DIL. One year to lose this weight (my fat, not FDIL)

  141. https://nypost.com/2019/06/11/note-to-de-blasio-either-run-the-city-full-time-or-resign/

    “Memo to the Putz” cracked me up.

  142. A leftist, lazy and dismissive of responsibility? Surely you jest.

  143. Dry everything! Resist precipitation!


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