Tuesday at the Meme Store

This would be a good movie!
IAmFroot

The portal!
IGoInImAtTheVet
Missing!
LastSeenWithThePencil
What are you going to do now?
Make3Wishes
This checks out.
MyMomDidntRaiseADummy
Make a choice!
OneHasToGo
Car in, I found a new exercise program.
ResearchShowsThatLaughingFor2mins
laura, will scott like this?
SkippyAndHellmansGoTogether
We should check this with PJM, since she has 245 kids.
TheFastestLandMammal
Familiar?
USMCLookCloser
Yep.
whoisthisclown
Just remember, it’s how the person perceives the question on a survey.
WomansAssSizeStudy
Keep liking these posts, or you’ll get more!
HowMuchDoesAPiratePayForCorn

129 Comments

  1. Is this where I can complain about my brain now?

    Never mind. Just so you know, it’s a problem.

    Also, peanut butter and bacon sammiches are a thing with Scott. But not with mayo. I will definitely make him one of those though just in case I think it’s a good day to make him hate me very much.

  2. Can you imagine the advertising company having to come up with that?

    “So, the Skippy and Hellman’s accounts met in the hallway and hit it off last week…they decided they want to collaborate. Call Mitzi in the test kitchen. She’s gonna shit her pants when she hears this one. And probably during recipe testing, too.”

  3. You know what else is just crying out for a thick, unctuous layer of mayonnaise? Blueberry pie. Mmmmmm. Don’t forget the sliced olives!

  4. Fool’s Gold Loaf

    https://tinyurl.com/y3zvhdad

  5. We use so little mayonnaise that we’ve finally learned to buy smaller jars.

  6. Paula was up early which meant Rowan was in and out of the room, jumping on and off the bed trying to get me moving. Made it to 0545 before I gave in and shuffled out of bed.

  7. We’ve both noticed the house feeling warm over the past few days and yesterday I went around to make sure all the thermostats were set at a reasonable temp. After confirming that I turned them all on the lowest setting. Still felt warm this morning and I came to the conclusion that the weather has actually warmed up enough that the house has finally warmed up to a comfortable temperature. Unusual !!!

  8. Hellman’s should make green mayo for the broke millennial.

    Everyone will think they’re eating avocado toast, which is really the point anyway.

  9. Grape nuts.

    Neither grapes, nor nuts. Discuss.

  10. Gross

  11. MJ, you’re a fucking genius. You should have your head cast in bronze. Immediately.

  12. Grape Nut Pudding

    I haven’t had that in ages. My mom made it every so often. As kids we’d all try to get the biggest scoop of mayonnaise on the top of our pudding

  13. urk…ewwww, ha ha haaa

  14. Gonna run outside and pick a fresh green salad straight into a bowl of cold water so it stays morning-crisp. Omnomnomnom. Minutes-old lettuce is the best.

  15. Not a joke, my grandmother used to make something called a warm bacon salad.

    It was spinich and other greens wilted with bacon grease and then tossed in warm mayo.

    It was a warm, slimy glop of the most confusing tastes and textures ever.

  16. I think it’s shady how Jay sneaks puns into a meme post.

    I still love him, I just think it’s shady.

  17. Holding off on the like button until I can forgive Jay for being so shady.

  18. I’m MJ’s grandmother?

  19. MJ, I think it’s rude you haven’t posted any little MJ pics (no, not your dick, you dick!).

  20. Spinach wilted with hot bacon is great. Never have heard of it tossed with mayo, though. Are you sure she was really your grandmother?

  21. Someone here? Shady? You don’t say…

  22. Peanut butter + mayo = yuck

  23. Wish I had some bacon in the house. I have enough spinach out in the garden to do this today before work.

  24. Are you sure she was really your grandmother?
    ———————————–
    *checks family tree

    Hmmmmm. This looks more like a wreath than a tree.

  25. OK, good, so let’s back up a piece.

    Are you sure that was mayo? I just ask, because you say it was warm.

  26. Warming up mayo is not generally a thing that is done.

  27. wakey wkaey

  28. MJ, I think it’s rude you haven’t posted any little MJ pics (no, not your dick, you dick!).
    —————————————–
    I’ll get around to it. He’s quite handsome and also getting to be a handful.

    His favorite words are NO, NO, and NO.

    Current favorite things are books, ice, the hose, and a bottle of vanilla extract that he can’t get open, I swear.

    Less favorited are the 7 billion dollars worth of toys that we bought.

  29. Morning Carin. I’ll have the pancakes with cinnamon apples and mayo, thanks.

    OH- and a nice hot mug of mayo to drink.

    OK, that’s it, thanks. I’m not tipping. Hurry up! Starving!

  30. Are you sure that was mayo? I just ask, because you say it was warm.
    —–
    This is why I read this blog

  31. Skippy once made peanut butter with bacon in it. Add mayo, fantastic! Like mine on rye bread.

  32. Are you sure that was mayo?
    ——————————————
    I think it was greens, red onion, hardboiled eggs, tossed in warm bacon grease, then mayo added and stirred together.

    The result was warm mayo bacon grease lettuce. The next day it looked like Helen Thomas.

  33. I don’t believe it. Two cups of coffee later, my eyes are heavy and I’m nodding asleep. Ugh. And I was doing pretty well with regular sleep the last few weeks! What in the Hell.

    OK. Gonna try to catch some more Zs before work this afternoon.
    Stim you later.

  34. [serves lauraw a nice steaming cup of miracle whip]

  35. https://tinyurl.com/yxb4446c

    Gettin’ hungry

  36. Yesterday I accidentally used decaf instead of regular and the morning was a cluster.

  37. YOU PEOLE MAKE ME SICK.

    My poor sainted grandmotherneicetransnephewsister.

  38. Warm bacon salad seems like a thing you’d want to finish entirely within minutes of preparation.

  39. esterday I accidentally used decaf instead of regular and the morning was a cluster.

    That could never happen if you didn’t have decaf in the house. What is wrong with you?

  40. Carin, at night (since I’m not drinking) I like to have a decaf with whipped heavy whipping cream and 1/2 pack of stevia. I don’t have it every night but I enjoy it when I do. Much like your mom.

  41. BEASNSNSNSnS and TROY check in if you’re reading this.

  42. Decaf coffee is just … horrible.

    I have tea at night. tastes moar better.

  43. Beasn has been on facedouche. Much like your mom.

  44. Leon?

    https://tinyurl.com/y3dgu83x

  45. Gotta agree with Carin on the decaf. I’d rather remain mildly dehydrated than drink decaf.

  46. I have not done that to a woman, Pepe.

    I’ve thought about it, but I haven’t done it.

  47. I have decaf in the freezer, for when mom visits. Doc says she’s supposed to take it easy on the caffeine.

  48. ^elder abuse is a thing.

  49. Hey, she requested it!

  50. My mom usually brings a ziploc bag full of decaf tea bags. She drinks a cup of regular coffee in the morning but decaf coffee or tea after that first cup.

  51. When your mom asks for it, it’s not abuse, whatever “it” may be.

    Your mom asks for it a lot, IYKWIM.

  52. My mom brings over a bag of warm, wilted bacon salad to steep in her cup of decaf mayo first thing.

    Then it’s warm mayo for the rest of the day until the cocktail hour.

    Then vodka mayo with a mayo stuffed olive.

  53. Stop trying to make me vomit, MJ, it’s ungentlemanly.

  54. How about Sanka in the little orange pouches? Whatever happened to those? I blame Mare!

  55. They still make them Tom. The cafeteria sets up a coffee service in the two doctor’s lounges and puts a basket of sugar and creamers with vacuum pots of coffee and a pitcher of hot water. The basket also has tea bags, lemon juice, honey, fake sweeteners and Sanka. In all the years I’ve grabbed a styrofoam cup full of lukewarm hospital coffee I’ve never seen a single used packet of Sanka in the mini trash bin near the coffee service.

  56. HA! They’ve probably been using packets of Sanka made in the 1980’s!

  57. MJ clearly has been making overuse of the defective time machine. You know, the one that only goes to the timeline with all the unholy condiment choices.

  58. I’ve set the machine for relish and aioli. You know, fancy mayo.

  59. I set the machine for your mom.

  60. Please. You don’t know how the time machine works. It’s not one of those steam punk models from the original ‘Time Machine’ movie with fancy knobs and big levers.

  61. This is really MJ’s area of expertise, as he knows all about big levers and identifies as a fancy knob.

  62. Listen a-holes, if I want a decaf (so I’m not up all night-SYWM) from my Keurig (Shot-Latte) deal with heavy cream foamed up in the attachment, I’ll drink it and not care about your stupid tea drinking.

    Although, I also have chamomile when I feel like a douche.

  63. Don’t wash your ladybits out with chamomile, Mare, that’s crazy.

  64. I drank chamomile yesterday and now I feel all weird about it.

  65. I’ve been drinking kombucha at night.

    Fuck all y’all.

  66. Don’t wash your ladybits out with chamomile, Mare, that’s crazy.

    ———

    HA! My sentence structure sucks. Much like your mom.

  67. with heavy cream foamed up in the attachment

    *cough*

  68. I’ve been drinking kombucha at night.

    You know that has alcohol in it, right?

  69. One suspects that may be the point.

  70. I just looked them up and I can buy a 100 count box of Sanka pouches for $13 on Amazon. I blame Mare!

  71. I wonder if they taste any better than the 80’s pouches Jimbro has at work??

  72. The 80’s pouches were from back when they had cocaine in them.

  73. *order a kilo of sanka

  74. My favorite political nickname of all time is Cocaine Mitch.

    It’s like calling a black guy whitey or red.

  75. Sanka Mitch is much more appropriate nickname for him.

  76. Your mom douches with Sanka after she’s been on one of her hot-mayonnaise-fueled sex benders.

    I don’t know what I’m saying.

    Wait, yes I do- your mom is grody and also a whore.

  77. Thanks laura. Mom is crying in the bathroom now.

  78. Bring her a chamomile douche

    It will be a comfort after all that crazy mayonnaise stuff

  79. You know that has alcohol in it, right?

    It’s a commercial brand. It can’t have more than 1/2% by law.

    The homemade stuff can have as much as 3 to 3.5%.

  80. Hotspur makes his own IPK: India Pale Kombucha.

    It has an unfunny hops pun for a name.

  81. Kombuchah is gayer than over-caffeinated Jewston at a weinie roast after he broke his glasses.

  82. Comment by MJ on June 4, 2019 1:23 pm
    *order a kilo of sanka

    ———

    LOL

    Sanka seems nice.

  83. Seriously, guys, Kombucha is no gayer than Chardonnay.

  84. Your mom douches with Sanka after she’s been on one of her hot-mayonnaise-fueled sex benders.
    I don’t know what I’m saying.
    Wait, yes I do- your mom is grody and also a whore.
    ————————————-
    Hot mayonnaise fueled sex bender is my new fav phrase.

  85. Heh, we use to say “grody” a lot when we were kids.

  86. Hot mayonnaise fueled sex bender is my new fav phrase.

    ——-

    If you use that a lot in regular conversation you are exactly the jackass I think you are. hahhhahahahaha

  87. Right now I’m eating melted brie and pork rinds. Not sure if it’s going to fuel a sex bender but here’s hoping!!

  88. So, last night a family out walking was hit by a car and it was reported in the lapeer scanner page, and everyone was OUTRAGED ready to tar and feather the young woman hit hit them. Must have been texting or drunk.

    Well … now … more details.

    https://www.mlive.com/news/flint/2019/06/3-year-old-seriously-injured-after-being-hit-along-lapeer-county-road.html

    Someone added to the convo last night that her son had been driving and had almost hit them also. He was in a state about it, because it upset him so much.

  89. Chardonnay Mayonaise is my stripper name.

  90. One of the women’s brother – and I think dad to some of the kids (?) keep posting pictures and everyone’s telling him to sue.

    Humn … HOW ABOUT YOU DON’T LET DUMB ASSES WALK IN THE STREET, WHERE THE SPEED LIMIT IS 55,IT’S DARK, THEY’RE WEARING DARK CLOTHING, AND THEY’RE NOT EVEN WALKING AGAINST TRAFFIC?

    I feel bad for the babies, but … man … Darwin awards aplenty. I think there were three adults?

  91. Yes, walking children on a road at 10:00pm where there are no street lights wearing dark clothing is kind of a Darwinian kind of move.

    Feel bad for the kids who are suffering the consequences of the adult’s STUPID choices.

  92. The driver should sue their dumb asses for pain and suffering.

  93. Whoa, Carin and I are simpatico.

  94. But, the pedestrians will win, if they sue.

  95. Right – I’m sure the driver is a wreck.

  96. Police are saying the driver wasn’t at fault. Pretty sure.

  97. Seriously, past a certain point you almost gotta assume they didn’t want to be seen…

  98. I think it always goes that way. You’re not at fault when people aren’t in designated walkways coming home from a hot mayonnaise fueled sex bender at 10pm.

  99. I read that as “hot mayonnaise fueled sex blender“. The phrase gets worse with repetition.

    I like it.

  100. Hot Mayonnaise Sex Bender was definitely Phish’s more experimental album, and though lauded by critics it failed to win praise from longtime fans…

  101. Jay in Aimes.

    https://tinyurl.com/Typical-Saturday-Night

  102. How’s the dog bite, Carin?

  103. *checking in*

    *smears mayonnaise on Pepe*

  104. It’s fine. I just am pissed that the dog actually got to me. It wasn’t a bad bite.

  105. Dog bite?

  106. If your nose is running you might have distemper.

  107. heh, nice move. Once your hands are used to the oven you can actually do that.

    Don’t see why holding the paddle like that is easier.

  108. Guy here died after a dog attacked his 5 year old daughter:

    https://whotv.com/2019/06/04/father-dies-after-saving-5-year-old-daughter-from-dog-attack/

    He died of a heart attack after the intervention. It was a boxer. The “very aggressive” dog was shot by police.

  109. Pretty sure I could take a boxer.

  110. That’s what I was thinking.

  111. When I had paper routes I was getting jumped by dogs all the time.

  112. I went to get my haircut this morning. Didn’t have an appointment. Didn’t want to wait. Headed over to the Nissan dealership. Ended up buying a new car. Waited in dealership for 5 hours. We were offered $1 for our 2001 Xterra. Dan wanted $1500. Salesman was looking for a cheap car for his son that works at Sam’s Club. Getting $1300. Dan would’ve posted it on the employee board for $1000.

  113. We always used Dan’s parents as references. Always. They were our go to. Salesman: We rarely actually contact references. It can be anyone. (Dan and I had major sadz. His friend, Mike, responded right away. We went with my mom as second reference. Dan’s sister just responded right now. She isn’t working.)

  114. What did you get, Oso? Power windows? 😀

  115. It is a freaking computer on wheels. 2019 Nissan Kicks. Our salesman was one of the few that could drive a stick. He was laughing at us. We bought the car tracking package. 26 minute response from police. Nothing like living in the #1 car theft capital of the US. We’ve never bought the post crap package. It comes with an app for our phones.

  116. I’m too damn depressing. I’m letting my inner voice influence my outer voice. Ugh.

  117. My favorite photoshop of the Miley Cyrus cake is “this cake now has herpes”.

    2nd favorite is Biden nuzzling Miley.

  118. OK, out before I whine more. Lata, Hostages.

  119. BroCav, hang in there. It’s a struggle, telling that inner voice to shut up, but you’re still in the fight.

  120. Let the meds work, and work with your docs. You’ll get them dialed in, and be glad for it.

  121. My advice is to drink heavily. And at one time, I had enough biology credits to qualify as pre-.med.

  122. WTF? Is BC trying to be more mentally ill than the Oso?

  123. So MA is almost 16. When we left her this morning, it wasn’t a 3 hour tour. Long story short, she had an accident on her ottoman.

  124. Dan is being especially needy about our bedtime tonight.

  125. Oso, check this blog out. This guy does a weird stream of consciousness post.

    http://mrishmael.blogspot.com

  126. I forgot my google login.

  127. Dingy Edna remembered potlucks.

  128. What are you talking about, references to buy a car?


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