Mother’s Day Memes

MomWorkedHard

TryingToFigureOutWhatToGetDad

CanIHelpYou

HowLongDidItTake

Idon'tknowifishould

ILikeYourPants

MilitaryPTShorts

NewSupermarket

OneBigDifference

PorkFact76

SoManyScams

SometimesYouJustNeedAMinute

WheelOfFortune

YouHave3Nukes

Happy Mother’s Day, Hostages! I’ll be stuffing my face with brunch, so I won’t be around to wish you one on that day.

140 Comments

  1. Thanks Jay! Very nice poat! I laughed out loud to the ‘smell this’ one.

  2. I couldn’t tell what was wrong with that picture of three girls until Scott told me.

    And I like the daisy dukes of freedom.

  3. Daisy dukes of freedom — yeah baby!!

    Love the nukes one.

    Jay, you need to poat the Bacon Fact in the argument room of trolls.

  4. YAY! Beasn, can you believe it? A manager had my back!

    Wow. I’m speechless.
    Tho, a couple of times we had managers sticking up for us….and then the bitchy customers would take it to either the store manager or corporate, who would send them $50 gift cards and chew out the assistants who told them no.

    Good to see you have six decorators. Do they usually have to wait the counter or that is why you get put over there? We, 2 or 3 decorators on weekends, had to wait the counter while the nose picking bread people moved in slow motion bagging bread.

  5. Ben laughs when I tell him we all used to wear short gym shorts. With tube socks to the upper calf.

  6. I would do the bulk of the orders in back, give a few easy ones to the ‘front’ decorator, so she could wait on customers. It’s stressful getting interrupted a dozen times while trying to finish a wedding or a stacked 1st bday cake for an EBT order. What should take 30-45 min. stretches to an hour and a half. Not good when you have 100 orders to get to.
    Most bakeries, cake decorators are in back during peak cake order days. Counter people go to them.

  7. https://tinyurl.com/Hey-Lauraw-how-do-you-want your burgers?

  8. Good thing we got daughter’s crap moved into the house, yesterday. It’s raining again. In the past four weeks, it’s rained for three of them.

    I need to finish painting the bathroom today but she has a booking at a bridal salon this afternoon. Husband is taking a break and went fishing at the farm. Goofball left the bedding and his jammie pants on the sofa. It’s going to get down in the 40s tonight.

  9. Ring on beasnette’s finger.

    //flic.kr/p/2fMP7Qp

  10. Mornin folks. Our rummage sale did so good yesterday i get to go to bank and make deposit. But first I must make myself presentable. Weather here is low 50s, cloudy, breezy and damp. Not what i wanted, if it doesnt rain i should be able to do yard later.

    Blue on Black…..Five Finger Death Punch WITH Kenny Wayne Shepard, Brian May, and Brantley Gilbert…..check it out….

  11. For Leon:

    https://tinyurl.com/yxp73wkz

    For Oso:

    https://tinyurl.com/y2ve7f4w

  12. closer up…

    //flic.kr/p/25bePyZ

  13. Kitchen before…

    DSCN2054

  14. Kitchen after….still have to choose a light and put up a backsplash, but mostly done:

    0510191542

  15. There was nothing on the left side of the kitchen and a half wall dividing the space from the living area. As you can see above we removed the half wall, moved the fridge, and built a pantry.

    //flic.kr/p/2ete7Ex

  16. We went with craftsman-style doors and trimmed them out in the same style to go with the cabinets. Improved the space so much, throughout the house. Will poat more pics when we finish finish.

  17. HAHAHA, the look on mama possum’s face!

    *hopes lauraw already ate lunch*

  18. Kitchen looks great!

  19. I’m mindful of the awful things people encounter when opening their grills for the first time every year so I’m always careful. The worst I’ve seen was a paper wasp nest that I cooked on high to get rid of. Never had anything but that one

  20. Are those carpet tiles straight?

  21. Who are you asking, pupster?

  22. I bought this light for the kitchen, but the lightbulbs it comes with get really hot, which is weird because they are LEDs. I can replace them with other LEDs but the bulbs are half the cost of the light.

    https://tinyurl.com/ybzypm3j

  23. I almost go this one but it’s acrylic. Good chance that will yellow over time.

    https://tinyurl.com/yy2d2apk

    If I don’t keep the one above, I’ll probably go with track lighting or some flush mount LED do-jobbie that throws fluorescent looking light.

  24. Pups, there is no carpet. Kitchen floor is vinyl. We didn’t put it in, so yah, it’s straight.

  25. https://tinyurl.com/y3js56qz

  26. “Clean Water Act”

    Supreme Court of the United States has overturned a lower court decision affirming the conviction of Joseph Robertson, a 78-year-old veteran now deceased who was sentenced to prison for digging ditches on his rural Montana property to protect the area surrounding his home from wildfires. Judicial Watch had filed an amicus curiae brief jointly with the Allied Educational Foundation supporting Robertson and urging Supreme Court review and reversal of the lower court decision. Robertson served 18 months in prison and died while serving probation. He was also fined $130,000, a liability inherited by his estate.

    The Supreme Court also remanded Robertson’s conviction to the lower court so the indictment can be dismissed and the lien can be cancelled.

    https://tinyurl.com/y3ow4t67

  27. Don’t mess with granny. She’s got a brick in her bag.

  28. Great job, Beasn!!!

  29. LOL,

    https://tinyurl.com/y6bu852b

  30. Fun girl for CoAlex and Leon

    https://tinyurl.com/y4e4lqlf

  31. House pictures look great beasn. Maynard approved.

  32. Comment by Pupster on May 11, 2019 12:26 pm

    Are those carpet tiles straight?
    Comment by beasn on May 11, 2019 12:39 pm

    Who are you asking, pupster?

    Pretty sure he’s asking OCD beasn …

  33. Beasn, I’m counter, answering phones, and helping people with their orders. Fucking bitch hit us for a $40 cake. She gets free cakes all the time. Our GM is a sacless POS. We even showed him that she grifts us for free cakes all the time.

  34. Where’s the line for the free cake.

  35. Grrrrr. Fill out the form wrong. Have a history of getting free cake. Complain that your full sheet cake has a dip in the middle. We give you the same fucking cake as the remake. You say thanks. Difference is, first cake would’ve been $40. Same exact fucking cake 30 minutes later was free. Pretty bad when everyone in bakery sees your name on an order and knows we’re getting scammed.

  36. SNAP still covers Birthday Cake.

  37. Let me tell you about Andre. Andre has a food cart. A smoker. Ribs, brisket, and turkey legs. Andre buys several hundred dollars a week from the meat department. Andre’s SNAP gets denied. Sam’s get stuck with several hundred dollars in meat that we can’t sell. Andre gets his SNAP figured out. You guys pay for Andre’s food cart business. (Dan H8s Andre. Dan has to eat pallets of turkey legs every time Andre’s SNAP goes sideways)

  38. TTroy, whatchoo going to buy with your rummage sale loot? More happiness in the shape of bullets?

  39. Pretty sure he’s asking OCD beasn …

    Derp.
    Just wait ’til I poat bathroom tile pics. You might get a taste of my struggle. You might get seasick looking at the waves.

  40. OH, and guess what…while the husband was putting in the door for the bathroom linen closet, he cracked the grout the entire length of the door opening. So guess who has to gingerly chip that out and regrout?
    *points at self*

    This guy, that’s who.

  41. Lauraw, please Scottsplain the chick pic for me. I didn’t get it

  42. Fucking bitch hit us for a $40 cake. She gets free cakes all the time.

    One time a sweet little older lady came in for her cake – a half sheet – that the pothead screwed up. I caught the mistake while pulling it out of the walk-in for her. It was so bad, I told her it was unacceptable and that I’d either take another 10 minutes to redo or she can have it for free. She took it for free.

    The next time she came in for her cake, she found some invisible mistake, asked for the manager, told him ‘it was unacceptable’ and they gave it to her. I asked why as there was not a damn thing wrong with it, they shrugged their shoulders and walked away. It became a habit with her. So much for being nice.

  43. Pepe, that gif of the kid running the other way, was that you when you were a little girl?

  44. Pretty bad when everyone in bakery sees your name on an order and knows we’re getting scammed.

    In such a case, it might be a good idea to start licking the cakes before giving them to her. Or maybe slyly put the idea in her head that that is what you guys do to f*cking thieves.

  45. Can Andre be reported for fraud/abuse of a federal program. That’s complete bullshit.

  46. Oso, what are they sitting on?

  47. There doesn’t seem to be a bench

  48. @ beasn

    Yes! Saving up with the Son in Law to make a bulk purchase. Then its refresher / new technique training with a local instructor.

  49. *dragging the H2 carcass over the 50 comment line*

    Phew….smelly work.

    Where are all you hosephuckers, trying on wedding gowns?
    Daughter had a blast doing that this afternoon, btw.

  50. Just got back from Endgame. It was ok.

    Watched Sneaky Pete last night and this morning. I figure that the show has one good season left in it.

  51. ….with an assist by CoAlex! Good jerb!!

  52. *Does endzone dance*

  53. Sneaky Pete is something other than a holster?

  54. It’s a show on Netflix. A con artist gets out of prison and needs to hide from the mobster he swindled, so he finds his cellmate Pete’s long-estranged family and pretends to be Pete.

  55. Not Netflix. Amazon Prime.

  56. I’m at mom’s so haven’t been on all day.

  57. Tell her I said hello.

  58. I’m at dad’s with Mini-me. Eat, talk, sleep, repeat.

  59. Oh, and tried to figure out why Dad can log into Faceplant but can’t read any of his Messenger messages on his iPad. I installed Messenger, but when I click on the icon, it asks me to log in again then shows a blank screen.

  60. Depend entirely, regret presently.

  61. All you mothers must be still enjoying fresh squeezed orange juice, crisp toast and perfectly prepared eggs in bed while sipping freshly made coffee at the perfect temperature and watching your family clean the house or something.

  62. If I got that derp in a fortune cookie I’d put it in my pocket to take home and read again

  63. https://tinyurl.com/y64cl72l

  64. Or they just might be enjoying a little homemade cream pie …

  65. https://tinyurl.com/y6d4ftqc

  66. Happy Yo Momma Day

  67. If that person wasn’t filming with one hand, they could have prevented all that pastry from getting ruined/ contaminated by bad kitty.

  68. That was a very high quality derp, evocative of life experience and of history. Excellent work by Sean. I do not know how he does it.

  69. Happy Mother’s Day, all you moms out there!

    I’m supposed to go to the cemetery with Mom and sis to clean up my grandparents’ gravesite and plant flowers but it looks like it might be a washout this afternoon. We shall see.

  70. https://tinyurl.com/y6aqmvnj

  71. Plant a bean, get a bean.

  72. …or in this case, a heartless asshole.

  73. Plant a possum, get a possum.

    https://tinyurl.com/y2nn26a7

  74. “I’m telling you, man, it’s the alternator. THE ALTERNATOR!”

  75. The article makes it sound like the mom has kids from multiple fathers and has a thing for abusive, shiftless men. Any bets that Mya (the shooters actual name) has been sexually abused?

  76. Helluva song…

    https://tinyurl.com/y2d7ssyq

  77. That video worked surprisingly well.

  78. I saw yesterday and now on the sidebar at Ace’s that tranny lifter was stripped of the medals he/she won. Wonder for how long?

  79. No OJ or crisp toast for this momma. I got up, filled the dishwasher, and put in a load of socks.
    Mr. B will be making me fishie later, for supper.

    Off to paint a ceiling.

  80. Happy Mother’s Day, hostages!

    beasn, they are saving it for a surprise.

  81. Elliot missed us while we went to church and brunch.

    Whole dog body on foot.

  82. Temporarily crippled by love.

  83. I have been having this thought in the back of my mind to take horticulture courses at the local college and become a master gardener.

    Then I thought, do I really want to drive, then sit in a class, and have some peckerwood give me assignments and deadlines and grades? Fuck that shit. I bet I can find some online curricula and get 3/4 of the way there for free, on my own.

    For heaven’s sake, most of my science classes could be found online when I was in school recently. AK Lectures, on youtube. Good guy. Saved my ass in Genetics class.

  84. Just say you’re a master gardener, nobody will know the difference.

  85. That’s true.

    Hey guys, I’m a Master Gardener!

  86. My mom came to visit for mother’s day. Right now, they are at the “looking through old pictures” stage. I hate it. Urrrrgh.

    Family: Look at the cute horse.
    Me: Yep, remember when he was 3 and broke his leg so I had to shoot him in the head?

    Most pictures are pretty much like that for me. Hiding in the shop now.

  87. Hey guys, I’m a Master Gardener!

    You identify as a Master Gardener.

  88. Happy Mother’s Day, y’all

  89. Which is better Master Gardener or Garden Master?

  90. Happy Mother’s Day, everyone!

  91. Garden Master was a Japanese RPG that you could only play if you had a region 2 PlayStation and knew someone at the video game store with flexible ethics.

  92. They were talking about gardening at tango tonight. Pray for oso.

  93. Cold, nasty washout today. Bleargh. Spring is having some trouble sproinging, this year.

  94. I’m a master gardener too.

    Stuff from food. Tired from people.

    I’m going to see Tool next Sunday in Chicago.

  95. ed

  96. Everyone may want to unfriend me for the next few days. It’s going to be all Tool, all the time.

  97. I’m going to see Tool next Sunday in Chicago.

    How many times so far has Pay made a “I can show you a tool any time you want!” jokes? Round to the nearest dozen.

  98. Everyone may want to unfriend me for the next few days. It’s going to be all Tool, all the time.

    Nah, we’re already used to that on Mondays.

  99. Kin
    Gulf

  100. Pat was the one who got me the tickets for mother’s day.

  101. *smells like monkey in here*

  102. *sniffs pits*

    Not me this time. Still just smells like hunchback.

  103. Oso Rant, if someone wishes me a Happy Mother’s Day, I say thank you, and move on. I have never claimed that having dogs = having children. I seriously considered blocking a Moron for posting her thoughts about Mother’s Day belonging to biological moms. Repeat post. She does this annually. Super serial rant. Why does Dan get the remote on Mother’s Day? Golf? Who watches Sunday Golf?

  104. Mmmm, made a sammich out of the fishie Mr. B cooked up for me. It’s got to be my favorite dinner ever. I don’t even care about the big ol’ mess he made. It’s worth it.
    Dinner is always better when someone else cooks it.

    The daughter drew me a picture and got me some dairy-free M&M style candy and some HIPPEAS (dairy-free cheesy poofs).

    Daughter wants to go see the Jonas Bros. when they come to St. Louis, in September. Yeaahhh, prolly not since we’re paying for the wedding and we might lose the deposit if she decides to change the reception venue. We don’t even care because we don’t want to hear any more whining.

  105. Who watches Sunday Golf?

    =======

    My mom………

  106. Oso, my husband watches golf on Sunday. I leave the room.

    Also, that moron needs to shut her Debbie Downer pie hole.

  107. I read books on Golf Sundays. Pepe, does your mom watch Thursday golf too? Beasn, She isn’t alone. I guess I’m a little sensitive

  108. A free cake might cheer you up.

  109. My younger brother used to watch Sunday golf. First time I walked in and saw that I was all like “WTF dude?” He said it was his way of taking a nap to get ready for the work week ahead. Every time I see Sunday golf that’s my first thought.

  110. My mom watches golf, tennis, game shows and HGTV. Reads a lot and plays bridge.

    Watching HGTV now. Couple in their early 30s with 3 kids looking for a vacation lake house. Wanted to keep it under $400K so they had plenty of $ for remodeling and to buy a boat…….

  111. back home. Yay.

  112. Now a single mom who is a teacher and “Fitness Instructor” (hah! Not in good shape.) is looking at lake houses. Budget is around $350K

  113. Scott, free cake is why a full sheet is $40

  114. Pepe, co-workers love those DIY/House shopping shows.

  115. Beasn, She isn’t alone. I guess I’m a little sensitive

    The way I see it, all these extra ‘holiday’ thingies are a scam started by Big Greeting Card. People should quit taking them so serial.
    When I had piggies, I considered them my four-legged kids. I took the responsibility of keeping them safe and healthy seriously. In return, they made me happy, were fun companions, and they never threw shade at me the way my two-legged beasts do….well…unless they thought I was going to eat them.
    Your MA is a character, as was Gingy. She/they give you guys joy, companionship, and lots of fun stories to tell us. Btw, is MA feeling better?

  116. She was, came home to poop in the hallway. That she walked through. She had to get her paws washed. I spent the day crying about DITs Moses. Came home to washing poop from doggeh paws. Happy Mother’s Day. She loves meds in Braunschweiger though

  117. Beasn, my bad, Plame is running for Ben Gay’s seat. NM3

  118. Originally, they thought Ben Gay would wait to be Speaker.

  119. I just heard about Moses a few minutes ago. Oh, man. Crying.

  120. I remember talking to Dave on Instant Messenger…I think?….Maybe it was the google equivalent…? …all those years ago when his wife and daughter brought Moses home as a puppy. I was in my store, typing shit about beagles at him. Can’t believe that was 14 years ago. Where did the time go.

  121. Refresh my memory, who is Ben Gay?

  122. Ben Ray Lujan.

  123. Lauraw, I kept up with his frosted face on DITs Twitter. Moses was one of us.

  124. Moses’ puppy picture still comes up in a GIS search for ‘sad puppy.’ I suspect he may be immortal.

  125. Moses is a forever Meme. Before there were Memes…there was Moses Sad Puppy

  126. How can I be so sad when he wasn’t my dog? (Answer: he was a good boy.)

    Home from Dad’s. Rough weekend. It’s good to be home. Mr. RFH made dinner of grilled smoked sausage, sauerkraut, baked potatoes for the carb eaters. It was good.

  127. Roamy he was our dog.

  128. Also sad that the priest at the closest Catholic church to Dad is being moved to a new church at the end of June. I know new assignments every five or six years is the norm, but this stinks.

  129. Father Erik is moving, too.

  130. Dan is getting ready to start gifting our Christmas tally. He loves mi familia.

  131. Dancing enticed Rita’s paramours.

  132. Rita made good money last night.

  133. Roamy he was our dog.

    Dave’s Twitter post has over 2.5K likes as of this morning.

  134. MMM post will be up in 10.


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