Shock the Monkey























  1. Jam2 is still jammed up I guess. Tuesday seems to be a tough day on regular poaters. If one of you knuckleheads wants to take on a weekend post please do so, or you’ll get more of the same memes out of me.

  2. [runs into h2 still in jammies and not awake because the coffee isn’t working yet]


  3. Wakey wakey

    what did I agree to?

  4. But I like the memes! And little mini fascists in other countries want to ban memes and control them here. I think posting memes is a way to “pepper spray the little weasly armed, beta male, basement dwelling antifa, dicks” in the face.

  5. On the other hand, thank you, Carin.

  6. I cannot compete with Pupster’s meme game. You’d be thinking the entire time how meh it was comparatively.

  7. Nope, since I’m not a poster (because I suck at it) I’m always grateful when someone posts. I’m not a Mom who tells one kid in front of the other, “I like you best!” I wait for the crappy kid to leave then say it.

  8. I think I posted this over the weekend, but I’m doing it again because this is the actual article and it’s interesting.

  9. I’ll try not to judge too harshly.

  10. One of Erin’s “Friends” came over last night. I thought all the friendzoned peeps had figured it out.

    Poor soul.

  11. I’ll try not to judge too harshly.

    As long as you and mare do it behind my back, it’s fine.

  12. The male version of the “swept off your feet by Prince Charming” narrative is the “she’ll finally notice me”. Escaping the Friend Zone is one of those legends we all try to achieve at some point.

    The men who do are spoken of in hushed, reverent tones.

  13. I kinda sorta think with this one she may be waiting for him to make a move. But he’s seen the dead bodies of the one’s who came before and is hesitant. Body language last night.

  14. Heh, good one re: The Argument Room


    This is looking worse and worse for Boeing.

  16. I spent a few months of my valuable bachelor years chasing after a girl who did not return my affection. After a few friends ridiculed me for being all mopey about the situation I had my moment and moved on to greener pastures. A few years later a few friends and I were walking around Mt Snow in VT (relatively close to Worcester) at a Mountain Bike race. At one point I looked ahead and saw that girl with a few other girls all wearing standard lesbian garb. The light bulb went off and I had a couple of thoughts. I was not the loser in love I thought I had been and she should have just outright told me. It would have saved me a lot of time and I would have thought of her as a potential friend for real not “that bitch who done wronged me”

  17. She was just worried about hurting your feelings.

  18. don’t we all have that “one that got away”?

  19. “Coulda Woulda Shoulda”

    Those thoughts can be self defeating. Luckily I can recognize them (for the most part) and label them as such and move on. It’s not always easy but in the end it’s necessary for not being stuck in the mental mud.

  20. And my story about chasing a lipstick lesbian was prompted by the Friend Zone comment, not thoughts Erin might be of Lebanese descent. We all know she is all about the D.

  21. Guys in the friendzone because they don’t have the guts to make a move elicit little sympathy from me. Guys in the friendzone because she shot him down and wants to “just be friends” get a bit more sympathy.

  22. Men and women can’t be friends.

  23. Learn some shit.

  24. Yeah, I was never friendzoned for lack of initiative. At least not to my knowledge. Lack of height, almost certainly. The 6′ girl I got set up with would have been a great match aside from us being almost different species.

  25. Finished the fifth season of Bosch last night. Pretty darned good.

  26. Ima start the latest season of The Man in the High Castle tonight.

  27. I never chased ass in my life. Never. At the most I let my interest be known and if not reciprocated immediately, I moved on. But mostly, I never chased ass. No courtship bullshit. 99% of women know from the first meeting whether someone is “in” or “out.”

  28. I’m trying to think if I’ve ever been friend zoned.

    Nope. I either got into heaven or flamed out trying.

  29. You’re in my friend zone.

  30. I couldn’t have gotten laid in a women’s prison when I was single. Nor afterwards without the extreme acts of charity or exhibited by Mrs. P.

  31. I had a couple of times I was friendzoned, but I moved on pretty quickly. I also had a couple of times when I realized later that a girl was interested in me but I was oblivious to it at the time.

  32. Totally agree about the men and women can’t be friends thing. Adding a lezbo to the equation throws in a monkey wrench dildo. And in those days, “Friend” was someone you invited to Ralph’s to drink beer and listen to a no name band with a group of other residents/med students/occasional attending. It would have been worth it just to see other guys hitting on her and getting the cold shoulder.

  33. It’s possible for a man and woman to be friends, but there’s almost always going to be attraction from one party or another. I have women who are friends whom I find attractive, but for a variety of reasons I wouldn’t date (married, too old, too left-wing, etc.). But I’m also very careful to keep a respectful distance because of those reasons.

  34. That great American philosopher,’Chris Rock, said something to this affect:

    Women can have guy friends but guys can’t have women friends. For guys, there are two types of women, those you’ve fucked, and those you haven’t fucked………..yet.

    I’d say there’s a kernel of truth there.

  35. I’ve been a “work husband” with a lady that I might have made a run at if we weren’t both married with kids. Neither of us was going to cheat but we enjoyed each other’s company and it gave us someone to have lunch with. If she’d put it out there that she wanted the D I would have pulled away, but she never did.

  36. Just so you know, I’ve friendzoned all you muthas.

  37. There were a few times I was set up by friends to meet someone, like at a cocktail party (that’s how I met HotBride). It was unbeknownst to me beforehand, but after a little while it was pretty obvious.

    Most of them went on lower rungs, especially after HotBride entered the picture.

    I never got friend zoned. There was either spark, or I just was polite and moved on.

    Or as Brent Kavanaugh likes to say, “Find ’em, feel ’em, fuck ’em, and forget ’em.”

  38. I don’t like watching sports or playing video games, which tends to eliminate a lot of male friendships these days.

  39. The words, in that order, are unclear.

  40. Colex, drinking beer and playing cards or dominoes overcomes those deficiencies. At least in my age group and culture.

  41. We play euchre. Or Cards Against Humanity.

    Last time we played, one of the answers, read by a really nice chick who wouldn’t say anything bad, was “Five dwarves shitting in a bucket.” She could hardly get it out, and we all laughed our asses off.

  42. Cards Against Humanity is fun. I used to play with a group of friends. We had one girl in the group who was this tiny sweet Christian girl and so we loved to give her filthy answers to read.

  43. Relevant.

  44. As soon as the Ladder Theory was mentioned, all of the females disappeared, except Carin, but she hates us.

  45. I’m not a social person. Most of the time I prefer to be by myself.

  46. … tiny sweet Christian girl and so we loved to give her filthy answers to read.

    I’ll take seldom discussed paraphilias for $400 please

  47. You’re in my friend zone.
    Awwwww. You’re in my friend zone too. Now stop trying to touch my girl dick you perv.


  49. Fear not. Bears still shit in the woods. Mostly.

  50. Pendejo – I’m pretty sure I could pull a limp string out of a dead cat, or whatever weird saying you used yesterday.

  51. Hey Venezuela, how does that socialist ass taste, now?

  52. Just trying to start some shit, Carin. I heard our football coach say that about our school board president one time about 30 years ago when the school board prez was trying to act like he was some kinda macho badass. “That boy’s too weak to pull a greasy string out of a sick cat’s ass.” I laughed hard at that. Later on, I heard that’d he’d told the guy to his face that he “couldn’t knock a syphilitic whore off of a three legged stool.” I wasn’t present for that one. Wish I had’ve been.

  53. LOL.

    But seriously. Come say that to my face.

  54. Ben is in the process of getting a work permit to work at Hate Chicken. The manager is a member of the CrossFit gym and has seen him there with Paula. I’m sure she has a hard time getting good help and he is a good kid who will thrive at work. This is going to involve more rides back and forth for us for a little while until he gets his license. He’ll be 16 in September but we may get the license early when he has enough hours on his permit.

  55. But seriously. Come say that to my face.

    I have a life long policy of not starting shit unless there’s a damned good reason. It’s served me well as I still have all my teeth, my big assed nose is still relatively straight, and all my knuckles still work.

    H2 is about the only place I unnecessarily talk shit. But seriously, it’s all you gardening motherfuckers that bring it out in me.

  56. Ben will shortly be answering all requests for help around the house with, “My Pleasure”.

  57. Come say it to my face, and then I’ll make you … pull weeds for 20 minutes.


    Exactly what percentage of the human population thinks this is a good idea? Evidently I’m sharing the world with a bunch of lunatics.

  59. We’ve always shared this world with crazies. It’s just that we usually know better than to actually LISTEN to the mofos.

  60. A much larger % of the pop than agrees with it has been cowed into accepting it without complaint for fear of censure or worse.

  61. Is pull weeds an inside joke that I missed or does Carin really want that border faggot pendejo to pull weeds?

  62. Well they sure ain’t pulling themselves. Unlike SOME people.

  63. Wanna see something terrifying? Go to and view the video he has up on the symposium to “colonize mars.” The thing is this is MAINSTREAM thinking in the urban world and its is going to result in some very very bad things that wouldn’t be necessary if people hadn’t “tolerated” this bullshit in the first place. Look at it….I double dog dare you.

    wyipipo bad….

  64. Holy shit I feel dumber for listening to all of about five minutes of that crap.

  65. has everyone heard the new T-swizzle album yet?


    They just need a new category:

    Chicks with Dicks

    Then the women won’t get their legitimate titles stolen. And we can all laugh at the Chicks With Dicks.

  67. I hope Laura is feeling better today.

  68. Some scary shit cause they are fucking serious. Did you see the “guy” with the half shaved head and the other half was a comb over 2′ afro?

  69. I say load them up in the next rocket and drop them off.

  70. Just took my husband’s truck to get an oil change and whatnot and I don’t know how people do it? HTF do people watch the news? They had FOX news on (at least it wasn’t CNN) but man, Shep Smith is a dick. And FOX is absolutely not “we report, you decide.”

    It was friggen torture for a couple of hours.

    *Note to self, bring noise canceling headphones next time.

  71. HA! That guy lifting weights in the girl’s division looks like a regular guy with a dumb haircut. hahahahahaahahah

  72. Well, women can finally be equal to men now, since we are take over both genders.

    Our workload just doubled.


  73. Ever play Oregon Trail?

  74. Men are even better at being women.


  76. Comment by Pupster on April 30, 2019 5:03 pm
    Men are even better at being women.


    This frosts me because it’s true.

  77. Looks like the ghost of Ceausescu stalks Caracas today.

  78. leon’s gotta go mow


    Great looking dog you got there.

    We have a mix of circle and squirrel shaped frisbees and I often wonder if Nessie whips the squirrel shaped frisbee like she’s trying to kill it like Rowan does as I’m reaching for it.

  80. Not Nessie, but could be.

    Nessie and I have a special deal when it comes to turning over the frisbee. Honestly, it is because I make it such a big deal and it doesn’t happen every day. But because it’s such a big event I can hold my hand down below my waist and she will gently place the frisbee there and let go. It took a long time, and she still whips it around with the rest of the family, much to their chagrin.

    Frisbee time is a big deal so she plays by the rules with me which is no barking, bring it straight back, hand it over. If I throw it poorly she takes liberties, sometimes holding on for tug of war for a second or jerking it out of my hand for two bad throws in a row. If she barks at me, that get’s her a throw that makes her run hard, or I buzz the tower with it when she is running away from me. She snaps her teeth when she gets all worked up, which will kind of freak people out because it is loud and scary.

  81. I’ve got him trained to give it to me in my hand. He drops it for everyone else. About half the time he’s so excited he’ll whip it like a psycho dog. If I let him calm down by himself he’ll get tired of doing it and hand it over.

  82. View this post on Instagram

    Friends who fall together, stay together. 😂

    A post shared by Emily and Ally (@_adventures.with.emily_) on

  83. “Men and women can’t be friends.”

    There are exceptions.

  84. but not for MJ.

    He wants to nail everything.

  85. Yeah no shit.

  86. Who doesn’t?

  87. Stoatie has a penis bone post up, with a link to a 2007 post about same.

  88. MJ loves penis bones.

  89. We should have started building an ark a few days ago.

  90. Go look at accuweather. LOOK AT IT! Most of Missouri’s oceans are rising.

  91. Beasn, you’d never have gotten past the tiling stage.

  92. True that. Though, building an ark would have been more relaxing.

  93. 20 days of measurable rain this April in Connecticut, New all-time record.

    I tried to form the last few beds in the back of the new garden expansion area today, but it is impossible. Thick wet clay. No go. Have to wait for at least a week of dry weather.


  94. Feeling better possum face?

  95. Detain everyone resisting patrols!

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