Monkey Meat Madness – Tuesday Tales of the Bush

“I told my children that we cannot continue eating bush meat or any dry meat because we fear that the Ebola is very near now,”

Next thing you know people will stop having sex in the bush too….

The headline is precious:

https://www.naijacenter.com/world/a-woman-eaten-to-death-by-lion-while-having-outdoor-sex-with-boyfriend/”

“The lion came from behind and roared.” – kinky

What’s this world coming to?

You can’t even smuggle any bush meat into the U.S. now for fear of killing thousands

Random question: Would you take a big ‘ole portion of this gastronomic love?

I know —- different culture

Here’s a song I wrote for you monkey murdering bastards:

I can finally see why Carin hates you all so much.

-I Miss Cyn

142 Comments

  1. xbrad will divorce dolly before a proggie will impeach one of their own

  2. 1 liter of water weighs about 2.2 pounds

    so you can adjust for other fluids based on specific gravity…

  3. this is a photo of me in blackface just before i graduated from your mom’s finishing school
    http://tinyurl.com/yyhnhofx
    and you know how she likes to finish

  4. you know how much that school cost?

  5. 20 bucks –

  6. same as downtown

  7. Monktastic job Jam.

  8. One of the twitterati put one out there to the effect of “It will be a delicious irony if the VA black face scandal ends up with only the black Lt Gov losing his position”.

  9. I’m wondering if the fluid is tumor fluid or ascites. Still glad they’re able to do something for Osomom. All this brings me back to my student days where I realized that this was not the medicine I wanted to practice. Older Jimbro might see it differently but at the time it was just not an option.

  10. Ebola seems nice.

  11. I’m confused by the VA thing.

    Are we forgiving racism but not sexual assault?

    I want to be sure because I have both a raping and a cross burning on my schedule and need to move one to later in the week.

  12. The baby is walking, talking, and practicing his poon kicks.

  13. I thought he was already dealing blackjack at the casino on the rez.

    Disappoint.

  14. Is he staying drunk most of the day?

  15. He has moments of lucidity but appears drunk most of the time.

    He’s my little mini Kennedy

  16. keep him away from the toy Oldsmobile

  17. Someone left a racist note about brown people at a local Mexican restaurant. I’m betting on fake.

    Jam’s blackface made me LOL.

  18. That’s sort of the default position with all these “hate crimes” recently isn’t it? How’s the Chicago investigation into the Jessie Jussie thing going? I saw a headline about it “None Dare Call It A Hoax”

  19. Violence and victimhood exist mostly–almost exclusively on the left.

    But I’m sure all of the random crimes that have a very specific message are real.

  20. It was a credit card receipt, so they have the guy’s name, they’re just not showing it. Local talk show host is demanding the name of “this monster.” (He thinks it’s fake, too.)

  21. Last night, waitress got a party. She put the gratuity on the bill (we can do that with parties – never do). Yes, they were black, and this girl has been severely burned recently $10 on $300, and another really bad one.

    Walking out the one lady called her racist bitch.

  22. Both times she’s been burned, it’s parties of black people. Basically ruins your night. A zero tip on $300 when you spent a large part of your night waiting on them …

  23. I wonder what Scott thinks of someone writing a naughty note on a bill at a restaurant?

  24. Stop waiting tables with your hood on.

  25. some people look for every excuse to get out of paying something. Sorry if the largest percentage has a certain characteristic that sets them apart from other groups.

  26. If you are in the Klan you don’t eat at Mexican restaurants.

  27. Hah, Katy Perry has to remove blackface shoes.

    https://nypost.com/2019/02/11/katy-perrys-shoes-pulled-after-blackface-backlash/

    Why would anyone think these are ok to wear? Some mom whose kid took apart his Mr Potato Head?

  28. Everyone must be playing with their Instapots.

  29. I did finish off my cauliflower soup. I need more.

  30. Heh, body language expert on the guy who “explains” AOC’s GND

    https://bombardsbodylanguage.com/2019/02/11/body-language-aocs-adviser-green-new-deal-on-tucker-carlson/

  31. That article has a link to the Gucci sweater which mostly looks stupid. Somehow it was also a blackface sweater.

    BLACKFACE EVERYWHERE!!!

  32. We have a storm coming tomorrow which happens to be one of my big clinic days. We’re getting slammed with phone calls from people wanting to reschedule which is understandable. We’ll be able to reschedule all but a handful which means not only will I need to brave the storm to see a few people but I get to schedule an extra clinic day for make up visits. It’s the medical equivalent of being stiffed on a tip from a big party or something like that.

  33. We had an ice storm here. I needed to do a grocery run this morning and had to run the car for 15 minutes before I could even start chipping away at the windshield.

  34. I’m working on a project to record a Dr then have a scribe fill out your EMRs.

    It’s a shitshow Jimbro. I blame you.

  35. Certain communities are notorious no-tippers. Which is ironic considering how many of them work jobs that depend on tips.

  36. I’ve got a black friend who refuses to tip and who also will slowplay the shit out of picking up the ticket. At least when the party is all men. But you throw another fellow’s wife or girlfriend in the mix and all of a sudden he’s reaching for the check and tipping 25%. It’s so obvious it’s pathetic. Most of us are of the opinion that he’s making a long shot play for someday seducing our bitches and shit.

  37. “Bush Meat” was what the football players called your* mom back in the Seventies.

    *insert reader’s name here.

  38. You know how they always ask those dumb questions at debates where there are still 17 people? Like, show of hands, who believes in global warming or that the earth isn’t flat.

    Dems should ask everyone if they’ve ever had a homosexual experience and if no, why not. Please explain, bigot.

    I could imagine Sherrod Brown tripping all over himself to explain that while he hadn’t actually sucked a dick, he thought about it a lot and could just imagine the real dick flavor.

  39. To be fair, everyone in the latest generation coming to college now has 0 work ethic. If it’s this bad in Iowa, I can’t imagine what bigger states are like. We usually have really good workers. Not anymore. I’m about to go postal at the pizza place.

  40. So it turns out that the little guy is pretty smart. He can say a lot of words and understands a shocking amount of what we say at home.

    It’s also possible that I taught him to identify his gentleman’s sausage.

    For real, if you say gentleman’s sausage, he will point to it.

    LOL

    Father of the year!

  41. *paging Cory Booker to the microphone. No, it’s not a sex toy

  42. I could imagine Sherrod Brown tripping all over himself to explain that while he hadn’t actually sucked a dick, he thought about it a lot and could just imagine the real dick flavor.

    Shit like this is why I can’t quit you assholes.

  43. Scribe, Indentured Servant, Slave … really, at this point, what difference does it make?

    Good luck with that project MJ. I hear it’s real FOM stuff. Future Of Medicine as in tricorders and cyborgs and shit.

  44. MJ, just set it up to record everything as “Imbalance of Humors” and recommend a good bleeding.

  45. Bummer morning….our 19 yr old cat is dying….we knew she was getting close but up until last nite she still been doing her cat things, eating her kibbies, using the cat box, drinking water from the faucet. Apparently last nite she vomitted all over the place and then went incontinent and then decided that her new spot was the bathroom sink. I just dont want her to suffer, she’s been a good cat, served our family in the role of “cat” for both my Daughter and Son’s childhood. She deserves the dignity of a quiet passing…and she will receive that later today…

  46. Condolences, Troy. You’re a good man and doing the right thing.

  47. Too bad Troy. Always tough when it happens. Still recall my mom insisting I take our childhood dog for that last trip when I was in med school.

  48. We should go back to actual scribes who’s sole job is to write down what was said, when, and by whom. It’s a jobs program for the literate and attentive.

  49. Heh, Car in, got blocked in the Argument Room. Guess she didn’t like my facts!

    Pay accidentally taught ethan to say “fixing my shit” when he was pretty little.

  50. Erin has an ortho appointment in AA this afternoon. PRetty sure I’m canceling. It’s a long drive anyway. Today it could be 6 hours in the car total.

  51. I’m officially old. Bought a pair of cheater glasses.

  52. It’s a jobs program for the literate and attentive.

    So, basically nobody?

  53. Exactly.

  54. “…. had to run the car for 15 minutes before I could even start chipping away at the windshield.”
    =====

    You don’t put a tarp or something over the windshield to keep the ice off?

    I had a friend who turned the defroster on high and left it when he had a bunch of ice and snow on the windshield, he came out 20 minutes later and the windshield had shattered.

  55. Forecast for today was rain and 38F, didn’t count on the rain coming that long before the 38F, and I hadn’t planned the trip that far in advance.

  56. “I’m officially old. Bought a pair of cheater glasses.”

    One pair?

    You will have at least 6 pairs within a year.

  57. haha, probably true

  58. When the sandal comes off, it gets serious

    https://tinyurl.com/yyrjokx6

    Very cool!

    https://tinyurl.com/y2gdfl2s

  59. The leave em in strategic spots round the house strategy Scott?

    I got wet snow being blown at about 30 mph. The west side of the trees are painted white from top to bottom.

  60. I have a pair in the car, and at least one pair in every room of the house.

    When you have one pair, you spend about an hour a day looking for them.

    When you have 3-4 pairs, and you can’t find a pair you get pissed.

    That’s when you go to the Dollar store and purchase an armload of value-packs.

  61. Re: Cheaters. I buy the 3 pack or 6 pack when I can’t find a pair. No sense in buying them one at a time.

  62. Condolences ttroy, and bless you for performing the final duty for a dear and cherished companion.

  63. Based on Jay’s avatard, I’d say he’s a racist.

  64. Pendejo too.

  65. “That’s when you go to the Dollar store and purchase an armload of value-packs.”
    mrs jam has finally backed off of picking up all of the ones i have stashed around the place –

  66. Comment by Hotspur on February 12, 2019 12:55 pm

    Based on Jay’s avatard, I’d say he’s a racist.

    Comment by Hotspur on February 12, 2019 12:55 pm

    Pendejo too.

    —————————————-
    Someone told me that was like a prerequisite or something.

  67. As if there wasn’t enough cuntyness in the 2016 election with ONE woman, this time the dems are going to toss all the cunts they have into the 2020 primary. Even the men are cunts. That’s a whole lot of cuntyness.

  68. It really is.

  69. Agree, it really is!

  70. Now what should we talk about?

    How about digital pressure cookers?

  71. Very sorry about your cat, Troy. She does deserve a good death. What that is I don’t know but I know you’ll do it.

  72. Again, I don’t know what I’m saying.

  73. I’ve been using my Instant Pot quite a bit. I’ve never been in to cooking, just smoking and grilling, but I’m really enjoying this.

    I know Carin thinks it’s bullshit. But what does she know?

  74. haha, she just doesn’t like hearing it’s a pressure cooker

  75. Mine pressure cooks, slow cooks, sautés, steams, sterilizes, it has settings for cakes, eggs, soup/broth, meat/stew, bean/chili, rice, multigrain, porridge, yoghurt, and blow jobs.

  76. Hotspur, out of all the democunts running for prezzy, who’s your favorite cunt? And why?

  77. I don’t own an InstaPot. And probably won’t. But if I did, I’d use it to thaw your mom’s fudgesicles. She likes them soft enough to bite in to.

  78. My favorite cunt is Joey Biden. The snark would just write itself.

  79. Kamala Harris claims she smoked week and listened to Tupac while in college.

    Best. Timeline. Ever!

  80. Kamala would be great in the lead role. We already know Trump knows how to handle whores.

  81. When Ace turns up the snark on some poor schmuck, he’s well worth reading. As long as you don’t wade into the comments. Today is one of those days on his “Here Is The Man” post.

  82. The words “pressure cooker” make me think of explosions with shit all over the ceiling.

    And of course my own download on hearing the explosion and seeing the mess.

    Although I could be building up this situation in my imagination.

    Kamala Harris is the epidemy of a c*n*.

  83. I smoked L&M’s and listened to Linda Rondstadt when I was in college.

  84. Why would someone in middle America (or outside of the insane CA) want Kamala Harris for President? Everything she stands for is shit.

  85. She’s a clean, articulate, woman of color. We haven’t had one of those yet. The presidency is such an important position that we have to try one of everything.

    Shorter answer: because we live in a nation full of very unserious people.

  86. When Ace turns up the snark on some poor schmuck, he’s well worth reading. As long as you don’t wade into the comments. Today is one of those days on his “Here Is The Man” post.

    Yeah, Ace brought the funneh.

  87. We went from ice storm to snow storm. Today’s workout (184 days ’til reunion) will be in the basement, it would seem. Kettlebells and cals.

  88. I don’t think any of the women declared so far can beat Trump – Harris, Warren, Klobuchar, Gillibrand or Booker.

  89. I don’t believe in porridge.

  90. Porridge is a scam by Big Oat.

  91. Speaking of porridge, hot spent grains fresh from the mash-tun smell wonderful.

  92. they sure do!

  93. I believe in gruel.

  94. I wonder if it had carrots in it?

    http://thesmokinggun.com/documents/florida/another-burrito-battery-803261

  95. Heh. So we sallied forth into the snowstorm today to shovel up those grains at the brewery. Then we drove around back and threw half on top of my big pile of garden leaves, and the rest on my regular kitchen compost pile. They were fresh and steamy and smelled ridiculously mouthwatering.

    I told Scott to aim his wildlife camera out there tonight. Bet we get some visitations.

  96. College kids?

  97. I hope bears don’t like spent grains. A bear sighting would effectively shut down my garden operation and we’d have to move, or put land mines in the back yard. That would make mowing dicey.

    Officer Friendly: You’re under arrest.

    Me: What for?

    Officer Friendly: You blew up a bear with a land mine. Planting land mines and killing bears is illegal.

    Me: I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA

  98. Tell him it was a republican bear.

  99. No, it was a jihadist bear who was killed trying to bury an IED.

  100. Pedobear

  101. Heh heh…..ring your garden with bear “toe poppers”, some freakin razor wire….FOB Hump

  102. I’m proud and excited for Leon to look studly at his reunion!!

    #MakeRegretsHappen

    #MakeHusbandsSuckInTheirGuts

    #MakeWomenWishTheyWereWearingSpanks

  103. Bret Baier point-blank asked Klobuchar if she abused her staff and threw binders. She has been very well coached on how to dodge the question without saying yes or no. She’s very proud of her staff.

  104. She didn’t throw the binder at a staff member, she says she threw it down. Well, how did it hit them in the face then?

    We keep forgetting Tulsi Gabbard in the list. Though she is more masculine than Booker.

  105. Gabbard is still the best positioned to challenge Trump for tjeiddle, IMHO. But she’ll never make it through the primary. I figure now she’s a likely candidate for Veep.

  106. We made the chicken coconut curry recipe in the IP and it was one of the best things I’ve ever eaten in my life.

    You’re welcome.

  107. I like Tulsi Gabbard which means she’ll never make it anywhere. The primary is going to be a full on shitshow of weird commie ideas from old rich white ladies that think you need to deepthroat a beer to be authentic.

    I can’t wait.

  108. I ended up going to the gym after all. Burned it down for 90 solid minutes.

    Just gotta keep that up for another 183 days.

  109. ” you need to deepthroat a beer to be authentic.”

    Top ten moment for 2019.

  110. I’d rather see them deepthroat a bear.

  111. Which brings us back around to Sherrod Brown.

  112. Somebody make a reach-around joke on Sherrod.

  113. Y’all may or may not want to look up “bear” in Urban Dictionary.

  114. Leave your personal life out of this.

  115. We made the chicken coconut curry recipe in the IP and it was one of the best things I’ve ever eaten in my life.

    Where is this recipe?

  116. They won’t give it to you unless you join the pressure cooker cult.

  117. We don’t have the counter space.

  118. It could be related to the cross fit scam.

    Nobody has time for that.

  119. Sorry about your family cat, Troy.

  120. Hey Nutmeggers, why is Yardgoat ballpark a peanut free stadium?

  121. Sissies have allergies.

  122. Thanks to all for the kind words in respect to our cat. The house is diminished without her presence and for now out of balance. She passed gently, attended by my son and daughter.

  123. I attended the passing of our last cat. The Mrs. couldn’t bear it.

  124. Sorry, Troy. Old kittycats are great. They get to an age where they understand English pretty good.

  125. Squishy hugs Troy family.

  126. (((HUGS))) Troy.

  127. What will they sing during the 7th Inning Stretch if you can’t “Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack”

  128. Awww. They announced a press conference tomorrow at JPL, probably to announce that the Opportunity rover is kaput. Never recovered from the dust storm last year. It had a good run.

  129. 💩 Roamy.

  130. Troy,
    Can sympathize. as we’ve had that trip more than a few times. It’s always hard, and after the last one, we vowed “No more pets”.
    I’m 70 and if we got new ones, they would outlive us to an uncertain fate. We will not do that.
    We miss them all and look back to the joy they brought us. We had many smiles from our furry friends…

  131. {{{Hugs}}} to Troy and family.

  132. Every time I see Green New Deal abbreviated as GND, I think Girl Next Door.

  133. Sigh.

    I don’t wanna be forty-eight.

    I wish I was twenty-eight again.

    Hell, I’d settle for thirty-eight.

  134. I wish I was twenty-eight again.

  135. Dating Eddie reinvigorated Portia.


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