Weekend Memes














































  1. Insomnia rules!!!!

  2. Fixed CoAlex’s link.

  3. We had torrential rains yesterday and overnight and most of the snow is gonzo. Kind of weird going out all bundled up and being too warm. Deep freeze returns tonight and then I’ll feel like drinking hot tea and making fires in the wood stove again.

  4. It was 60 degrees here yesterday.

  5. wakey wakey

    It’s panic time.

  6. EPT positive?

  7. Sadly no.

  8. It goes on forever–and my God– it’s full of memes!

  9. Last night, I had two tables (a party table and another) that both sat for ages and ages i’m talking 2 and half hours+*. I was so bored. PLEASE PEOPLE, YOU ARE NOT RENTING THE TABLE FOR THE EVENING.

    One “got it”. They tipped me 20% (actually a bit over) on their bills ($22) then slide me another $25 for sitting at my table. The other table wasn’t so good.

    So despite not being super busy, I made bank in the end. WHich I’m not going to complain about.

    **If your dining experience takes that long because apps, drinks, dinner, desert, that’s another thing.

  10. Yeah, we really didn’t need all that rain yesterday. Ridiculous. Lots of rain this Fall and Winter so far. This keeps up, we’ll be lakefront property in Spring.

  11. One more caveat – it’s fine if it’s later, and there are obviously empty tables. But if you take a servers tables from the hours of 5:00- 7:45 solid, you’ve basically taken her ability to make money for the night. You are all she waited on. Thanks for that $10.

  12. That thing about full moons making people crazy is fucking TRUE. The unit last night was unbelievable.

  13. You know what’s painful? Listening to forced witty banter from the local weekend news people at 6:00AM. Egad.

  14. So, I have a story. It involves the first baby momma of sean’s penis. she has three kids, no men now. 2 by sean, 1 by the loser she started dated two weeks after Sean moved on to his next baby momma.

    So, let’s just say that Walter E Williams truism regarding wealth is completely born out by her life. My work buddy is her sister, and she’s homeless, she’s this, she’s that.

    The other day, the sister was complaining that the charitable organization that arranges gifts for the kids of parents who are poor , got clothes for her nieces and nephews. The sister was “so disappointing” – because apparently they give these to the MOM to give as gifts. You know, and the mom wants to give the kids toys.


    Plus, I know for a fact that the rest of the family has basically spoiled these kids with toys. My friend has bragged about how much crap she’s given them in the past, etc.

  15. Pat left the tv on (after he left for work). I turned it off while I made my coffee. Music is the morning routine here.

  16. I feel less charitable when I see some of the requests for the giving tree. If you’re broke and/or homeless, I’m not getting your kid a Nintendo Switch. *My* kids aren’t getting Nintendo anything.

  17. 3 kids, homeless, and delusional is no way to go through life, miss.

  18. The local utility company had some kind of Christmas charity program to pay people’s bills. How this is different from the year-round program is not clear. Utility spokesman was on the news this morning, bitching about the lack of response. Oh yeah, tell me how selfish I am, that will make me open my wallet to you.

    I’m not a total Scrooge, I did send a donation to a small-town Catholic church. The priest is the one who went on the pilgrimage, and he is trying to get a new church built. They need it.

  19. Because I deal with the Medicare side of things and see the abuse of the system so often it has jaded me from a lot of charity. This is a source of conflict for me though. As a Christian I feel it’s my duty to give aid to those who need it. When people with government insurance can’t be bothered to show up for their appointments repeatedly with no financial consequences for them it drives me batty. Kid is on mainecare, no dad, mom with multiple tattoos, fake tan, smoker and talking about plans to go to Florida for a winter getaway … sigh

  20. Accepting Mainecare reimbursement of less than 20¢ on the dollar billed is where most of my charity is at. And the incoming governor wants more of this! YAY

  21. We do local toy giving. Small town, so they know who needs the help. We’ve raised more money than they need, so the balance goes to programs at the library and local food banks. The library has internet for people who can’t afford it, after school programs for kids, etc. Penelope helps give out food weekly. I’m sure there is some abuse, but it does help people here.

  22. I’ve found a couple of Netflix channels with holiday scenes and music, but my family will put up with only a couple of minutes of it on the TV before they get restless and ask for a mute or something else.

    Worst Christmas ever.

  23. https://tinyurl.com/y87yqlx2

  24. “We’ve raised more money than they need”

    that’s really great peptone.

    nyc has similar community outreach programs: they find upstate communities that have unused resources and send bus loads of ppl there to live off of the local largesse.
    it’s a real popular program for iv drug addicts and medicaid recipients

  25. 14 hours of football on ESPN today.

  26. so i looked up worst vag tats…. even with the filter set to medium it offered up some interesting ideas – i highly recommend it during the holiday season if conversation slows down when guests are around.

  27. Accepting Mainecare reimbursement of less than 20¢ on the dollar billed is where most of my charity is at.

    This. My BIL complained that every claim was always rejected the first time, so you had to work just to get that 20 cents. He was a podiatrist, and he said for a broken foot, he wasn’t even reimbursed the full cost of the cast materials, much less his time, the nurse’s time, and office overhead. He sold his practice when Obamacare passed.

  28. Oh yeah, I’m furloughed. Feels like the weekend to me.

    Laundry, lots o’ baking, wrapping what presents I have and figuring out who I forgot/still need to shop for.

  29. Scott, any predictions for the bowl games? I’m pulling for Troy.

  30. Toy programs here don’t have specific requests. You get a tag (or 50) with “Boy 4” or “Girl 10”. Penelope stressed out about getting the right present, but when she was helping pass out the presents, the kids were just excited to get something.

  31. That thing about full moons making people crazy is fucking TRUE. The unit last night was unbelievable.


  32. For Leon and CoAlex


  33. Rep. Al Green (Dim – TX) looks like the Geico caveman.

  34. Who was that guy Rosie always linked to? Alvin Greene?

    Small world.


  35. I’m not against giving to the needy. I’m not. but if this mom (who I know) needs toys to give to her kids, why is it the responsibility of “charity” and not the family? How is it “disappointing” that the anonymous person needs to step up, and not HER FAMILY?

    Honestly, she’s been able to live her live making bad decision after bad decision. Her sister got her a tattoo for Christmas. If you’re so broke, you grow the fuck up and say “in lie of a gift, will you help me buy presents for my kids?”

    But no, this woman child still wants to be treated like a princess and get gifts too.

  36. There’s a “gifts for service members kids” charity that never gets enough recipients for all the gifts at Selfridge. We signed up because someone practically bullied the wife into signing up. We ended up donating the donations, mainly.

  37. I’d better not get a visit from a ghost tonight.

  38. It’s really just a matter of time before she finds loser number three to make a baby with.

  39. Time to clean.

  40. My cat has decided that he needs to sit RIGHT up next to my monitor so he can watch the cursor move. He’s been doing this for a few days. I push him away, and he just scootches back up. He’s alert, following as I type right now, and purring away.

  41. Every now and then he puts his nose right up on the screen. He’s just crazy.

  42. His favorite is the moving cursor, but he also seems to enjoy the scrolling pictures on facedouche.

  43. *puts down laser pointer for Carin’s Crazy Cat*

  44. Is your cat’s name Asap?

  45. I had forgotten about Alvin Greene. LOL.

  46. https://tinyurl.com/yattwwbz

  47. Local paper just published their “Made in Alabama Christmas shopping list”. Dude.

  48. Today: Oil change, haircut, laundry, other final details. Travel tomorrow. Come home Christmas Day. Again. As usual. Because I can’t get more than two or three fucking hours with my family on Christmas fucking Day without trying to take a day off at year end close out time and the years where it wasn’t an issue were fucked beyond repair with dad’s health issues.

    Enough to make me wonder why I bother looking forward to this, it’s so damn disappointing. But when I’m there? Totally worth it.

    Takin’ what I can from life.

  49. There’s nothing like seeing someone roll up to the donation center to pick up their gifts while driving an Escalade with custom rims.

  50. And they say there’s no welfare fraud…

  51. Is your cat’s name Asap?

    Technically, it’s A$sap.


  52. Well, that was a fun break. Back to cleaning. The cat won’t let me see the screen anyway. It’s like the little fucker can hear me sit down. He just came RUNNING the second I got here.

  53. One of my facebook friends just posted this:

    “I have the best kids! They woke up really early and set up a spa room, they gave me clues, warm robe, spa music, oils, back rub, foot rub and avocado face mask and finish with a hunt for my presents! I loved every minute of it. Love you girls …”

    I probably should unfriend her.

  54. A$sap would be a great name for a rap star

  55. That’s what kids do when they don’t know how to tell you they’re pregnant.

  56. Safe travels, BroCav.

  57. That warms my heart Scott. I’ll just think that’s the deal.

    Honestly, I pretty much think that anyone who is constantly posting about how wonderful their kids, spouse, etc is … probably are really trying to convince themselves that it’s true.

    Now I have to go out among the English and purchase things. If I don’t return, avenge me.

  58. Just when I start to brag about Rocketboy, he will let out a fart that is a weapon of mass destruction.

  59. Umptygazillion cookies baked.

    Fancy Christmas coconut granola now in oven.

    The only thing I’m doing after that is make a very tiny sheet of sesame seed candy for my MIL, who loves it. Seeing her tomorrow.

  60. Farts at the table at Christmas dinner are the best. Especially if you can sneak out a silent one.

  61. He does the stepping-on-a-duck kind.

  62. Remember when the left was totally antiwar? Listening to these blumpkins howl about Trump pulling troops out of Syria is hilarious.

  63. My thoughts exactly HS

  64. Wake Forest v. Memphis is interesting

  65. >My thoughts exactly HS

    What – on the troop withdrawals or silent farts at Christmas dinner?

  66. Holy crap. Iced the kicker and then an offsides penalty with a missed kick. The guy who was offsides is gonna have a long offseason.

  67. Troop withdrawals and endless war.

    Actually, now that I think about it, both

  68. Just got an email/Christmas letter from my former contractor. is wife was a Peds nurse who retired a couple of years ago and she was how I kept up with him after he retired. I found it odd that he retired, I always considered him a guy who would never retire, just become choosier about his jobs. The email was personal to me and the letter was one of those “Family Update” ones. Turns out he has Parkinson’s which must be the reason he decided to retire. I’m sure his wife told him he was no longer going to climb roofs or staging anymore. Guy was an old school stickler for a job well done. He’s been hard to replace.

  69. I actually agree with her. If the government is shut down, Congress shouldn’t get paid.

    I’ve said before that AOC could be useful to the right, because she’s a true believer. A smart conservative would figure out areas where he can pull her support and make life miserable for the professional political class in DC.

  70. You’re not wrong, Alex. If we could convince her that gun control was racist (it is), I bet she’d be an A+ from the NRA thereafter.

  71. Even a blind squirrel can find a nut occasionally.

  72. Comment by leoncaruthers on December 22, 2018 4:08 pm
    You’re not wrong, Alex. If we could convince her that gun control was racist (it is), I bet she’d be an A+ from the NRA thereafter.

    I’d go with the idea of moving fed agencies out of NoVA. After all, all those high-level government employees drives up housing prices, and creates horrible traffic jams which hurt poor workers the most.

  73. Tell her it could mean moving something to her own district, and we’re in bidness.

  74. That’s the funny thing about even Leftist true believers, sometimes they come up with actual good ideas. That’s because they’re actually (in their roundabout, misguided way) trying to solve a problem, not exploit it. And the smarter ones have just enough personal experience to see and understand at least some of what works.

    The solution will probably need to be revised for reality, but it’s better than you’ll get from the political mandarins half the time.

  75. And none of it would be possible if Trump hadn’t won. He broke the Clinton hold on the Dems and I believe that made it possible for the true believers to rise up.

  76. Christmas presents are wrapped. Cards made. Standing rib roast in fridge. Wine bought.

    Merry fucking Christmas, bitches.

  77. Dinner is ordered, I’ll pick it up at 7. I have to run out to Kohl’s to exchange a coat I got as a Christmas gift. Then it’s over to Wal-Mart. Pray for Oso.

  78. Happy festivus eve.

  79. I just read we’re having a full moon on Christmas. First time in 41 years.

  80. “I actually agree with her. If the government is shut down, Congress shouldn’t get paid.”

    while i agree with the sentiment, the reality would mean the government would never shut down over anything great or small. the repugs under assholes like turtle and howdy doodie would never even bother to debate an issue of importance.

  81. Remember when the government shut down, and nobody gave a shit?

  82. My project is funded for at least 6 months. If the shutdown goes long enough to cancel it, I’ll cheer and go get a real job.

  83. Trump out to put up barricades around various welfare offices like Obama did to the monuments barring WWII vets from visiting

  84. ought

  85. Is it just me, or do you guys substitute old Sprite commercial lyrics during good King Wenceslas?

    Sprite makes brighter holidays
    Lymon is the reason


  86. i’d be in favor of giving them bonuses for every month they have dc shut down

  87. —turns Pupster’s Netflix Christmas channel off—

  88. Ide like to vote for shooting them all in face please.

  89. Buffalo’s QB will be in the NFL next year.

  90. https://tinyurl.com/y9or4z4b

  91. 9 hours of college football in the bag.

  92. potential for an h2 theme song

  93. That’s a big bag.

    I had a full day. Got to confession finally, made a pizza with a quart of 2016’s tomatoes for sauce, played picnic with Possum, walked the perimeter in the full moon, pulled a few weeds and broke a bunch of branches, taught Possum how to play Memory. Now it’s just about bedtime.

  94. https://tinyurl.com/d8zk2qk

  95. Is it just me, or do you guys substitute old Sprite commercial lyrics during good King Wenceslas?

    I can’t speak for anybody else, but no, I don’t do that. I have been singing lately about how “it’s time for thistle toe and Molly,” though, so I’ve got that going for me.

  96. Hit the gym for a fuckton of deadlifts and a short run. Then to Kohl’s to return the coat that was a Christmas gift (too big) and get a giftcard to buy another one online. Then picked up a pizza for dinner. Now I’m off to listen to a bad cover band and have a drink.

  97. WTF I was at work on the busiest retail day of the year. Sam’s is planning a massive layoff in January. I’m on “The List” Female, Old, and no longer relevant. Co-worker is saving texts. I’m looking forward to unemployment. Dan is recruiting retail friends.

  98. Oso, unemployment just means that you have time for the important things like sports and the doxie.

  99. Dude, Estonians really party!

  100. Wakey wakey.

    A friend of mine got her first grandchild in the middle of the night. It’s sad, I’m going to miss her. We know what happens when people get babies and /or grandchildren.

    I work at 11:30, so I have to swallow this coffee and do my final cleaning. People start arriving tonight.

    And can ONE of you lazy fuckers start wrapping my presents.

  101. How was the cover band Alex?

  102. Car in, they were decent. Good enough to keep drunk patrons entertained.

  103. Moose needs a bath if anyone has any extra time today.

  104. I’ll get it.

  105. Brunch with MIL today, then continue baking. Maybe. I made a lot yesterday. This may be enough.

  106. I was watching a bunch of videos of ‘Joseph Carter the mink man’ on YT yesterday. I can’t get enough. This guy trains American minks and dogs to work together in attacking rat infestations in people’s chicken yards, around their homes, etc. And to keep down muskrat populations in parks and such.

    He bought one mink from the fur farm that was so freakin’ vicious he had to put it on a tiny leash and let it chase him down the road in order to tire it out enough to be trainable. Frickin’ hilarious. Apparently minks are very smart. It recognized that his tall boots and gloves were protecting him, so it started to attack above those areas. But eventually he got to train the little devil. I’m just so grateful for the existence of technology that lets me see this kind of interesting stuff and people.

    Anyway, if you love seeing good animals kill bad animals, he has a bunch of videos. Scott hates them. Or maybe he just thinks I’m nuts.

  107. I’m sorry. Seeing a mink follow commands like a dog is ridiculously cute. They’re even cute when they’re trying to kill you.

  108. The Mink Man sounds like a hit from Super Sounds of the 70s.

    Or something you watch on PornHub.

  109. Two more Fathead pizzas made yesterday, a hawaiian, and a sausage mushroom pepperoni, both were well received.

  110. I’m sure this will turn out well in the long run.

  111. https://tinyurl.com/Turn-on-the-sound

  112. I made the Christmas shopping run this morning. Holy moley, even at 8:30 it was crowded and the aisles were being stocked on most of them with boxes crowding half the aisle. Got my shit and git A$sap as possible. Making baked beans and Chicken Marbella today with steak and baked potatoes for Christmas. I asked the butcher to cut up 2 chickens for the Marbella stuff. Paula’s folks will be sent home with doggie bags even if they don’t like it.

  113. Not a big cookie or cake fan. I’ve had too many bad cookies to be excited about them. Now fruitcake, that’s a whole other story …

  114. Alright, back to my beans

  115. Fan made Vader origin movie, pretty good if you like that kind of thing.


    (It’s new to me, sorry if it’s old.)

  116. Final Christmas shopping run was made last night, and that actually timed out pretty well.

    Homemade pizza tomorrow, including a fathead pizza for me. Italian sausage, mushrooms, peppers, onions, and pepperoni. Sauerbraten, red cabbage, and potato dumplings for Christmas.

    No idea what I’m making today.

  117. My first hourly wage job was working on a mink ranch. Those little fuckers are vicious. One mink per cage. No way you could put two together, except supervised mating in the spring. Their diet was amazing. Huge slabs of ground meat, scrambled eggs, tripe, and wheat grain. The objective was to produce a lustrous coat.

  118. I gave your mom a lustrous coat

  119. I don’t cook the crust as long as the recipe says, it is usually brown/crisp after 10 minutes max in my oven.

    I didn’t realize that parchment paper gets dry and brittle after baking, and tears easily. I dropped a couple of pieces on the floor trying to move them on the paper only. Rookie mistake. Ate them anyway. Dog thing.

  120. Change of plans. The bean pot takes up the oven because it needs to be on the bottom rack. And the chicken was supposed to be marinated for 24 hours. So what’s more traditional than hot dogs and beans! Oh yeah, beanie weenie is happenin’

  121. https://i.imgur.com/w7Gvn2H.gifv

  122. Greetings for Oregon.

  123. Merry Christmas B rad.

  124. How’s Fred?

  125. cook the fathead pizza on the back of a cookie sheet, for easy moving.

  126. Urrgh, watching the Dallas game. Listening to Joe Buck’s constant chatter and Troy Aikman’s passive aggressive comments against the Cowboys is painful.

  127. How’s Fred?

    He’s 5 and very glad to have Uncle Art here to snuggle with.

  128. This will make you throw up a little in the back of your throat


  129. Worshipping at the altar of death again, Michael?

  130. Dear Nielsen Committee: I am watching a game other than the KC Chiefs for the first time this season, only because of others in my family. Please do not count this as support for what is on the television.

  131. Signed: former loyal NFL fan

  132. Comment by Jimbro on December 23, 2018 2:49 pm
    This will make you throw up a little in the back of your throat

    Is RBG’s hand poised to give a tiny handy?

  133. Moore-sized handy

  134. Eagles are beating Houston.

    Looks like a first round bye for the Patriots.

  135. I found myself in the odd position of rooting for the Iggles

  136. He’s 5

    Holy crap, time flies!

  137. work was work.

  138. Beer can choir https://tinyurl.com/y7lwc5d7

  139. I was watching standup on Netflix while Dan was at work. He got home around 11 and NFL. I’m learning NEW swears while watching the Steelers.

  140. J’ames, it was awesome being a Nielsen family. They pay you to have access to and spy on all your devices! We were diary people twice. The last time, they spied on our computer and all TVs and one of the techs was telling me that it is becoming harder to get true ratings because of more and more people using apps and non-trackable devices. Quite a few people deny access to their phones and tablets.

  141. https://www.southernthing.com/southern-christmas-songs-2624109148.html

  142. Beasn?


  143. I lol’d so many times reading these memes I had to change my Depends.

    I’ve been enjoying time with the family and zero electronics!

    Enjoy Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with loved ones and if “loved ones” are a pain in the ass use the H2 Method of Self Hypnosis and Psychedelic Mushrooms to get you through the day!!!

  144. Roamy, check your twitter DMs.

  145. Stupid Steelers.

  146. And there’s a rose in a fisted glove
    And the eagle flies with the dove
    And if you can’t be with the one you love honey
    Take some psychadelics!

  147. Hard to win in New Orleans. Lot of bullshit calls on both sides. Penalties just kill the enjoyment of the game for me.

  148. Fake punt was the killer. That was just dumb.

  149. Moose got stuck on the ice again today. In the dark.

  150. Moose got stuck on the ice again today. In the dark.

    Narrator: It had, in fact, become a thing.

  151. Well, you did say he needed a bath……

  152. He needs a houseboat.

  153. Icebreaker

  154. Moose got stuck on the ice again today. In the dark.

    Shit like this is how dogs get renamed ‘Dorkus,’ or whatever else fits.

  155. https://tinyurl.com/yc58zjhz

  156. My sister has a vag tat of The Rolling Stones Tongue. She keloids. One Christmas, she asked me to check something out. I said “Good God no!” She wanted to show me something else. I just assumed vag tat

  157. So you’re saying that her tattoo is a pop-up?

  158. I’m pretty sure that there are no women left in the Columbus are without tattoos.

  159. Made Mini-me snort-laugh by calling Aquaman Wet Thor.

  160. I’m the last line of no ink in the Latin/Trailer Park community. My gay cousin in OH is covered in ink.

  161. She keloids.

    I can’t think of the last time I was this absolutely sure I didn’t want to know the meaning of a phrase.

  162. Youngest brother is dating a woman with a face tattoo.

  163. I’m watching a Twilight Zone with James Best. Roscoe P. Coltrane has been bewitched by the local hussy.

  164. It’s not a prison face tattoo, though? Is it?

  165. Comment by roamingfirehydrant on December 24, 2018 12:24 am
    Youngest brother is dating a woman with a face tattoo.

    How many kids does she have?

  166. There were babbeh bunnehs in the house today.

  167. Dokken’s early recordings pulsated.

  168. Ugh, half day of work this morning. The goal is to gtfo without being saddled by any afternoon or Christmas Day obligations.

  169. I’m awake! Sneezing and sniffling, but awake.

  170. jamwife has a rough half day – her boss is taking the unit out to a Christmas breakfast party.

  171. My boss is a total douche. He didn’t even say merry Christmas.

  172. So I’m gonna take the day off – fuck that asshole

  173. Jam, aren’t you self-employed?

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