Here, Pull My Finger

This video made the rounds a little while ago and I didn’t watch it until a few days ago. Thankfully I was alone so no one else heard me laughing like a moron. The backstory is some guy who is a jolly joker type gets a job as a security guard and to pass the time in an otherwise boring job decides to record his flatulence.

Once this leaked out his employer, failing to recognize his virtuoso skills, cans him. Obese white male with facial hair, no word on what gender-identity he claims but presumably cis-gender … no way is he going to win a lawsuit against his employer. Next time he does it he ought to make up some condition that causes extreme flatulence. Sue for medical reasons.

Angel fart

foolishaptgalah-size_restricted

Creation of a fart

michelangelo-pull-my-finger

Un fart

n-korea-missiles

Octotoot

giphy

Dynamic MRI of a finger being pulled

real-time-mri-of-joint-cracking

True

bernie_sanders_pull_my_finger

The day the septic died

cd19ae354038d844ae7227d6e6539dee-pull-jokes

Super hero daddy fingers

des5zn4xcaaloiy

Poop blog bitchez

102 Comments

  1. Security guard guy is like an ersatz John Candy wannabe

  2. From ball shaving to a farting contest. It’s a race to the bottom.

    Maybe next week I’ll find a more elegant topic. Probably not, but it’s nice to have goals and dreams.

  3. Oof, meeting at 0645 then office.

    Later taters.

  4. wakey wakey

  5. Rainy day here . Don’t know what’s on deck. Moar coffeee.

  6. Rainy here and my coffee maker broke.

  7. Toxic management?

    https://www.thelundreport.org/content/ohsus-heart-transplant-team-collapses

  8. already had my coffee.

    LET’S LIGHT THIS CANDLE!

  9. I have a grandfather clock to crate.

    CLOCK!

  10. Good to see you this early mlare!

  11. DAMMNITTTT!!!
    WHO FARTED IN HERE?

  12. YOUR MOM!!!

  13. i raffed at the farticle jimmie linked…
    i have a mechanic buddy that farts loud and proud and either blames it very vocally on whoevah is around or samples the air like yukon cornelius and gives an analysis – and he’s creative about it

  14. So Car in, where did you bury the bodies from your rampage?

  15. http://tinyurl.com/ybw9p62m

  16. Pay told me to stand down until we see what happens today.

  17. Comment by jam2 on September 6, 2018 9:07 am

    http://tinyurl.com/ybw9p62m

    That’s a big, brown clock.

  18. Morning Bishes!

    *DEEP STATE

    *but their doing it for “us” and America

  19. some chicks dig a big brown CLOCK

  20. The bear population around here is going crazy. They have broken into 22 homes so far this year.

    The yearly average used to be 6, and the population of bears is growing by about 10% per year.

    It will be really interesting to see what the liberal solution to this problem is.

  21. A $10,000,000 study will probably be the first thing done.

  22. Then a program to promote homosexuality amongst bears.

  23. “Then a program to promote homosexuality amongst bears.”

    hahahaaaaa

  24. scott knows things

  25. The gay bears all live on Fire Island. Or the San Francisco area.

  26. ithaca has a verri serious deer problem –
    crazii Birkenstock culture – solution – chemical birth control and tubal ligation…

    millions spent – – – > results = more deer than evar

  27. It will be really interesting to see what the liberal solution to this problem is.

    Ann Arbor gave the deer birth control. End result was more deer as bucks from the surrounding area were attracted by does that perpetually smelled like they were in heat.

  28. Hah. Twitter pic shows Hillary’s book is now cheaper than toilet paper.

  29. Now thinking about transgender bears. Thanks, Scott.

  30. I have to get this clock in a box before the storms get here.

    worky worky

  31. It will be really interesting to see what the liberal solution to this problem is.

    Protest. Stop traffic. Giant papier mache puppets. People should tear down their fences. Bears were here first.

  32. I promise that it will not be a hipster foody place serving BBQ’d bear.

    But it should be.

  33. AWESOME! We’re gonna have puppets again.

    Maybe a blimp?

  34. Clock in a box, there’s a skit about that, right?

  35. Booker mispronounced Feinstein’s name. Cameras didn’t show it, but I bet she looked daggers at him.

  36. I have to get this clock in a box before the storms get here

    Step One: cut a hole in a box
    Step Two: put your clock in that box…

  37. Your mom likes clocks


  38. I have to get this clock in a box before the storms get here

    I bet there’s some kid named Ahmed that can assist you with that.

  39. Your mom likes clocks

    With big bells.

  40. tick tock – tick tock
    your mom loves a big clock
    http://tinyurl.com/yb52m2na

  41. Arrrrgh! For some reason my payroll check bounced AGAIN. Bank tells me Im $541 in the negative. This is the second time in 3 paydays……I know what happened…..he fucked up the timing on his “deposit” from one account to another and his deposit didnt clear before my check presented……Im trying to stay calm and adult about this. I dont expect perfection from a imperfect world….but gawwwwdamn. Its fucking payroll! Its should be a priority task to get done properly all the way through its process…..not do most of it and then fudge the last step……FUCK, SHIT, PISS!!!!!!

  42. one of the worst jobs i ever had was running a small contract lab where the holding company loved to drain the bank account so that i had to scramble to make payroll….
    20 plus families counting on the paycheck and i never knew if the fuckers (dubai based vc pieces of shit) were gonna put enough money back in to cover it

  43. Believe in something, even if it means taking a knee

    Just do it!

  44. in the short time i was there i’d bet i had to take out a dozen or more short term loans to cover operations

  45. nancy kerrigan aged well.
    http://tinyurl.com/ycuefvt8

  46. It’s a wonder they can get people to work for them.

    Payroll is the one thing you can’t get wrong. I try to get people to understand that, when there’s an issue, and everyone is complaining about how upset people are.

  47. Gregorian calendar

    It’s a little week.

  48. Speaking of farts, has anyone heard anything from BCochran lately?

  49. He’s on facedouche rather often. He had a second shoulder surgery last week or so. Today he was complaining about the school drop off line, so I’m pretty sure he’s fine.

  50. Oh, good – last time he was on here, he was having some health issues; I was kinda worried about him!

  51. He’s fine. Just doesn’t have time for us degenerates, I guess.

  52. Saw him over at Mothership comments.

    I hope Sean is okay, hasn’t been around a couple days or so now. I imagine he might be needing to cocoon for a while, or he’s really busy with fam.

  53. I certainly have had my differences with this guy, but THIS is good.

  54. I saw the hat live this AM, Hot’n’Tot.
    My favorite part was when he said “people are saying this has become a circus. Well, I want to defend circuses…”

  55. That was pretty good. But he’s preaching to the choir here.

  56. Sean’s been on facedouche too.

  57. I think this supposed ‘mole’ in the WH story is actually bullshit. Just a lie, psyops, in an attempt to make Trump tear his cabinet apart with distrust. They want him to start firing more of his people.

    So there’s my paranoid conspiracy theory. Enjoy.

  58. Or a very low-level dude who really isn’t as “in” as he’s claiming.

  59. My guess is that he’s some mid-level staffer, a Jeb!/McCain establishment type.

  60. I think it’s Pence trolling the media. Just for fun.

  61. So …I made a courtesy call to Pay to talk me down before I stormed into the “dean of students” office. He was busy. Pity.

    I got some texts from Ethan to Pick him up. He’s not going to the away game. One of the team mates is giving him shit over what happened yesterday.

    This kid has known ethan for YEARS, but his girlfriend was one of those involved in it all. @@. I know this kids mom, and I’m actually supposed to see her tonight because it is a common friends b-day.

    So in I went.

    “Coach Smith” explained that they’d determined nothing happened, and he’d spoken with ethan earlier and that bla lba lba (probably did that because of my angry phone call last night). SO I said … yea, well, but the damage done TO ETHAN BECAUSE OF THE ACCUSATION goes on. he offered to bring the other kid into the office and have it worked out (with me gone), but Ethan said he wanted to work it out by himself – on the bus to the game.

    I also told Ethan’s soccer coach – because Ethan had texted me that I needed to pick him up – he wasn’t going to tonight’s game. Given a choice between Ethan and this other kid … the other kid is in a world of hurt in the coach’s eye.

    $20 was not found.

  62. Aww, Burt Reynolds died.

    Still love his laugh when he was messing around with Dom Deluise

  63. Burt Reynolds died.

  64. So, is Ethan going? He should, and just walk up and abuse that friend by popping him in the mouth.

  65. Yes, Ethan’s going. I drove straight to the school to insure that he was going to get on that bus. And that’s why I told his coach, because she wasn’t going to allow him to not get one that bus either.

  66. Which would be ironic if true, since apparently there was a hoax announcement of such earlier this week.

  67. Comment by scott on September 6, 2018 3:29 pm
    Burt Reynolds died.

    Farewell, Turd Ferguson.

  68. Hmm, there’s an AOS michigan meetup.

  69. “Coach Smith” explained that they’d determined nothing happened, and he’d spoken with ethan earlier and that bla lba lba (probably did that because of my angry phone call last night).

    In minor defense of the coach, I would guess that any accusations of “domestic abuse” have to be investigated. It sounds like they didn’t handle it well, however.

  70. Hmm, there’s an AOS michigan meetup.

    Where?

  71. He said that – any accusation had to be investigated. But then I asked- well, now that he’s been wrongly smeared -what do you do now? I mean, seriously. You have a school filled with teenage girls (and we all know what a problem they can be) and social media. If he’d hit her, it would be one thing. But he didn’t. How about you know deal with the girls who made the false allegation?

  72. know – now

  73. Cold front is finally here!

    Nasty looking storms.

  74. https://mimomee.stoatnet.org/

    Island Lake?

  75. The girls that made the false allegation need to attend “mandatory sensitivity training” in what constitutes abuse vs. other conduct. The also need to publicly apologize.

  76. Near Brighton. About an hour from my old place, 3 hours from here.

    Car repairs are estimated to complete next Friday. We have only the truck until then. I should get a bike trailer.

  77. Who has “girls will have nothing done to them” in the pool? Cuz I want that ticket.

  78. NFL begins tonight.

    The excitement probably killed Burt Reynolds.

  79. …or tax cuts.

  80. Kavanaugh’s fault, obviously.

  81. He was killed by Trump’s lack of Presidential Decorum.

  82. John Kyl replaces McCain, not Princess Cindy.

  83. CARin Culls Cuck Coach

  84. Ethan’s new ringtone https://tinyurl.com/y9gttot3

  85. L to R

    Pup, Baby Roamie

    https://is.gd/mKOENn

  86. https://is.gd/XWf6Kj

  87. https://is.gd/ZKEsGW

  88. So did Spartacus Booker (or more likely a staff member) do a word search for “racial profiling”, found a document, declared “AHA!” and didn’t read for comprehension. What a maroon.

  89. I do not have good verb agreement in that comment. Sorry, Hotspur.

  90. The hero who pulled someone out of a burning house? Never!

  91. Comment by scott on September 6, 2018 6:25 pm
    Ethan’s new ringtone https://tinyurl.com/y9gttot3

    This.

  92. Dan McLaughlin @baseballcrank

    I have lost the plot. Are improperly disclosed emails sacrosanct and never to be seen and spoken of, or morally urgent to reveal?

  93. James Woods @RealJamesWoods

    How great is it that #AlFranken is anywhere but in our Senate tonight?

    Hoo yeah. Don’t miss Stuart Smalley one bit.

  94. Roamy…is it true your minor league team will be the Rocket City Trash Pandas?

  95. It’s true. I can’t say that I’m thrilled, but I bet I can make some friends happy once the gear goes on sale.

  96. Huntsville Stars >> Trash Pandas. Stupid Milwaukee.

  97. I really want 🗑🐼 gear. Still need Yard Goat gear. Moron is trying to get us to VA in the Spring.

  98. DD#3 loves pandas! Keep me in the loop, please, Roamy!!!!!

  99. David evaded Randy’s patrol.


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