MMM 330: Nobody died

We did a full 48 hours without mom this weekend, and it went as well as could be expected.  I was exhausted afterward and just barely made it out of bed this morning, though.  Should be a fun week on the job.

It took 45 minutes to get her hair to look right.  Just speculating.


Not as long for her hair, I suspect.


Leg warmers.


Cute shorts.


Redhead bonus points.


Is that a belt?ZJNPKeO.jpg

Suspenders on swimsuits that tight seem extraneous, even if patriotic.


And that’s a poat.  Have a great Monday, all.


  1. Tucktastic Monday to all!

  2. I’d marry that redhead and buy her a farm…

  3. I think the redhead is on Team Erin.

  4. Hmm, this Lauren Southern gal seems very brave. Might have to look up a little more about her.

  5. i’d sell the tranny to a rich a-rab and buy my own farm

  6. wakey wakey

    suspenders on bikinis are stupid and so are zippers.

  7. I’d marry that redhead and buy her a farm…

    I did not have this thought when I met my wife, and yet, here we are.

  8. Alex, don’t watch this. Apologies if you’ve seen it already.

  9. I haven’t seen that. And now, I no longer need PornHub…

  10. You never did, friend.

  11. I have a tankini with a zipper on it, it’s cute and I will fight you. After my yogurt.

  12. You know what zippers on bikini tops mean? It means you’re a slut.

    Someone had to tell you.

  13. I’m not convinced female swimwear was actually for swimming at any point in my lifetime. At least, not the type you always see in media.

  14. They’re for swimming.

    IN SIN!

  15. They’re for swimming.

    IN SIN!


  16. Not if you never unzip the zipper.

    I haven’t had the yogurt yet. Please hold on. I’ll be back to hurt you as soon as I can.

  17. This squirrel is eating each tomato right as it starts to blush. He’s taking several each day. BIG ones. I didn’t believe it until I saw him actually running away with a good-sized tomato. We haven’t gotten a single one for ourselves and we won’t get a single one as long as this sumbitch is alive. Unfortunately, he’s got a lot of cover between the woods and the garden, and the garden itself is a wall of green. Scott is going to need to set up a 2nd floor sniper nest to get this guy.

  18. Wow, hay pusher is a heck of a gal.

  19. Wife material, verily.

  20. Gathering hay is far from sexy. If you think it is you need an evaluation. In fact, after Paula goes to her dad’s house tomorrow afternoon to haul hay bales I’ll post a list of her expletives for you to compare with that pastoral video while she’s in the shower washing off all the hay that got stuck under her zippered top.

  21. Jimbro doesn’t get it.

  22. Jimbro doesn’t know about candles and wine around the bathtub

  23. Hay pusher gal gets candles handmade by a loving husband from bees he himself keeps.

    Or at least she should.

  24. Hay pusher makes it look easy. Especially flipping those huge loads up on the trailer. i’d think half of that stuff would fall on me.

  25. Do something for 100 hours, and you’ll look like a magician to a novice.

    Heck, you should see me with a bubble wand after all the times Possum has asked me to do bubbles for her.

  26. “Someone had to tell you.”

    i raffed heartily –
    gold star for c a rin
    thanks for the haha!

  27. Dead by lunchtime.

  28. Yep. Mr. Squeerel has moved to a farm out in the country where he can run and play all day long and the tomatoes are as big as cars.

  29. Is that the farm at 123 Crock Pot Ln?

  30. Yes.

    It’s kind of great that I can say to my husband, “It’s that squirrel with the blondish tail, the same one that was getting into the blueberries all the time, will you please endeaden him” and he says, “How dead would you like him?” and then it just gets done. I’m aware that some husbands do not care about their wives’ hobbies and would not offer any help.

    It’s just wonderful, life is good and I’m the luckiest man alive, after Pupster.

  31. So, I had (past tense) one of those pop up canopy things to provide shade on the deck…… well it stormed over night. Not too stormy, just a lot of rain but not much wind. Apparently so much water was collected that it weighed the canopy to the point where the thing collapsed under the weight. I walk out at 0515 hrs this am to take the doggies out and was greeted by this thing on my porch that looked like someone had killed a super humongous spider, legs and parts jutting off into space at weird angles. So that’s a 60 dollar loss (I got it on sale) and 100 to replace (its not on sale anymore).

    *to add insult to injury my little dog walked out, looked at what was left of the canopy and then walked over, hiked his leg, pissed on it and then looked at me like “did I do good?”

  32. Wait- no- 123 Coyote Poop Lane. I’m not eating that dirty thing. Although the flesh is probably primo, I know he’s been eating clean, lol.

  33. Sorry, TTroy. I laughed at the part with your dog, though. Sounds like he was sending you a message.

  34. They are assholes, beansesses. That “don’t fuck with me” look is universal and they mean it, a Maine Coon is what tore up the neighbor boy’s face and my hand last year.

    Sounds like we’d get along just fine.

  35. I picked some big assed tomatoes yesterday and made them into some spaghetti sauce for supper. Damn that’s the bestest kind of tomato sauce. I’ve got to learn how to can.

    The only squirrels I’ve seen have been down the street, on the golf course…..where the young hawks have been learning how to be big hawks. Though last year, the tomatoes on the branches near the ground were getting eaten by something – either the rabbits or a turtle. And the little f*cker wouldn’t finish one before moving to the next.

  36. My maine coon was a scaredy cat and a total sweetheart, but he was declawed. Occasionally he’d punch the dog in the nose with his giant cottonball hands, which just confused the poor dog.

  37. I really need someone to come over and pick raspberries. Heysus is not taking the hint.

    It has now been at least a month since I had hordes random boys over at my house. She did have some over after they started dating, but he couldn’t come (some of them were his friends) .

    So … Mexicans. Doing the jobs American’s won’t do. Or something. I don’t even know what I’m saying.

  38. Alex – I really don’t think I’m going to be “free” until Erin is done with school. It’s that stupid middle of the day pick up time that is wrecking things.

  39. Yeah beasn, I never had problems with squirrels eating tomatoes before, that I can remember. I think this particular being had a serious love for them. It was ridiculous. I think he destroyed 12-15 big tomatoes all by himself in about a week.

    I thought it was the woodchuck, but nope.

  40. i used to have rabbits eating my hot peppers. Psycho pepper-head rabbits.

  41. You probably never had problems with squirrels when you had dorkus.

  42. We’ve been thinking about buying a small house nearer where the daughter has to work, and renting it out to her. Viewed two of them over the weekend in an area with a lot of cute ‘historical’ houses.

    One was listed as a ‘studio’ but was actually a garage in which the bathroom was divided up into three closets. Open one door – shower…open the next, a sink..the third, a toilet in which one would have to leave the door open in order to properly perch on said toilet. Yeah, a man had been living there for years.

    The second is being sold by owner and listed as ‘updated throughout’. Just no. The only updating was a new sink cabinet in the bathroom, possibly new floor tiles laid really bad and caulked around the perimeter with black caulk, and new carpeting. It’s about 900 sq ft, built in the ’50s. We’d have to replace all of the original windows, rip out the original kitchen, gut the bathroom, refinishing the allegedly wood floor under that new carpet, and replace the narrow stairs going into the basement. But only if they’re willing to come down $15k.
    (basement smells dry….upstairs has the odor of past smokers)

  43. Our banana peppers have been getting brown spots. The plants themselves are huge but I’ve tossed more peppers than brought in.

  44. Car in, just come right out and ask Erin and her Messican to pick your raspberries.

  45. LOL. I told my friends that I share, but it’s YOU PICK.

  46. I have some reserved tallow saved from browning meat for taco bowls. I’m going to try blending it into a cup of coffee.

    This will either be a triumph or a waste of a cup of coffee, we’ll know in about 20 minutes when the brewing finishes.

  47. Well now. That’s novel. Hmm.

    Better than butter.

  48. Car in, no worries. I start work this week anyways, and next weekend I’ll spend unloading my storage unit.

  49. “YOU PICK”

    I’m still picking produce for people occasionally. It does get old, especially when my sister suggests I also deliver it to her, lol, nope. Not anymore.

  50. 4.4 mile run and three of those miles close to an acceptable pace.

    I don’t know that it will happen but I’d really like to PR the half this year.

  51. 4.4 mile run and three of those miles close to an acceptable pace.

    I don’t know that it will happen but I’d really like to PR the half this year.

  52. 4.4 mile run and three of those miles close to an acceptable pace.

    I don’t know that it will happen but I’d really like to PR the half this year.

  53. Trying to go through all the food in the fridge and freezer so it doesn’t go to waste.
    WTH am I supposed to do with a butternut squash? Just roast it with butter & brown sugar?

  54. Pretty much. Alternately, you can cut it into cubes and boil them, then mash.

  55. I think in the past, I cubed one, roasted it and then blended it into a soup. But it is far from soup weather.
    I have bacon… Maybe I can figure something out with bacon and brown sugar?

  56. Here’s whut you do…..get the biggest knife in the kitchen. Get all stabby on the squash and throw it in the trash. Eat bacon

  57. Troy is wasteful and foolish.

    Feed the squash to a pig. Repeat until harvest.

  58. What happened last night?

  59. I knew that the trashcan comment would come, and even expected TTroy.
    I think I actually like most squash(es?), but usually deal with them in the fall.
    Why I bought one during dinner is beyond me. I might’ve had the idea to stuff it with a meat & rice mixture and grill it? I stuff things all the time – peppers, tomatoes, onions, crabs, your mom…

  60. *summer. F autocorrect.

  61. You were hungry. Never shop when you’re hungry. You are more liable to buy vegetables then, because the bright colors are appealing to your hungry self.

  62. “I knew that the trashcan comment would come, and even expected TTroy.”

    This is how you know all is right in the world…..dont tell Leon you got rid of that pig last year…

  63. I know a guy who goes grocery shopping after happy hour.

    One night he went home with a big beautiful steak that he got for an amazing price. When he woke up he had cow heart.

  64. I hope he sous vided it.

  65. I always thought BeefHeart was one of Mel Gibson’s better movies.

  66. Beef heart can make great chili. Combine with beef tongue for greater goodness.

  67. I should try that.

  68. I’ve never had beef heart – that I know of.
    But taqueria’s have been opening all over town lately, and when I try them, I go for the oddball.
    Its almost always pork though – cabeza, lengua, corazón. This usually endears me to the locals and let’s them know I’m not the average gringo.

  69. The last time I had beef tongue, it was made like pepper steak and was really good.

  70. I make hearty tasty chili: heart and tongue with onions (browned and deglazed with Guiness), sweet peppers, chipotles in adobo and ghetto masa harina (a k a crunched up corn chips). It’s pretty damn good, I got compliments and a “what cut of steak is that?” from a potluck.

    I left a sticky note on the crock pot, not my fault no one read it.

  71. I had to take a break for a couple hours. Mom is feeling quite dejected and a bit depressed lately – her 19 yr old Hyundai Santa Fe may have blown a head gasket.
    Expensive. And she can’t afford a new car. Or someone else’s used problem. At least with this, we KNOW that it has been maintained like a Melania.
    I’ll sell a kidney to keep Mom happy, dammit!

    Since I’m sure you’re all on the edge of your seats, the squash is roasting in the toaster over. In bacon grease. When almost done, I’ll turn the halves over and brown sugar them, then serve up with bacon crumbles (and maybe maple syrup).

  72. So, your Mom blew a seal?

  73. Sometimes I hear “purists” declare that “real” chili does not contain beans.

    You know what? Fuck you.

    I like beans in chili. My mom made it that way, and she knew shit.

  74. She was eating an ice cream cone!!!

  75. Well that was a complete fucking waste of time.

    I went to a dance tonight. It was for west-coast swing, which I love. A gal I was chatting with on OKCupid recommended it. I listened to the instructor teaching the class for about five minutes and had to leave because she was too annoying. I went to grab dinner and returned when the dance started. The dance was 90% people over the age of 45. They switched to a two-step for one song, and when I asked a girl about my age to dance, she gets all snotty and says, “I don’t dance two-step.” Well fuck you too then, bint. I left after that. It’s not a place I want to waste my time in.

  76. Chilli without beans is a condiment for hot dogs.
    If you serve it as a dish in a bowl, beans are required.
    I love you, Texans, but your chilli ain’t chilli.

  77. I don’t dance two step = I don’t know how.

    Learn some shit, bitch.

  78. Chili with beans is just that.

    Chili that you ruined with some beans.

    Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck Yooooooooooooooooooo!

  79. Hotspur is correct. Saying, “I don’t know how” is fine. Or, “my feet hurt and I need to rest for this song.”

  80. I have never eaten chili.

  81. I want to make green chile stew.

  82. 4.4 mile run and three of those miles close to an acceptable pace.

    I don’t know that it will happen but I’d really like to PR the half this year.

  83. *just trying to help jay*

  84. *to help carin*

  85. Visit with my dad and stepmom included his cousin. I don’t know the whole story, but I haven’t seen this cousin since I was in high school. She either had a stroke that has wiped short term memory or has Alzheimer’s/senility. (She’s in her 80’s.) We went out to dinner and lunch, and she kept handing me stuff off the table and off the cashier’s counter – mints, coffee creamer, packets of sugar, etc. I figured it was easier to say thank you and accept it, because if I refused, then she’d get upset and try handing it to me again. She asked me the same question four times in 10 minutes. I answered every time.

    God, please spare me that.

  86. i’ve eaten freezing cold

  87. *to help carin*

    She is anti-zipper, or as my mother said….a slut.

  88. God, please spare me that.

    Well, I just got my reminder to take my daily baby aspirin. The senility attached to my Y-chromosome is related to excess clotting factor, so I’m hoping that I can delay it a bit with that.

  89. Carin’s swimsuit is a burkini.

  90. Aspirin is a scam.

    If the baby aspirin didn’t taste so good nobody would take it.

  91. Aspirin is one of the few genuinely good herbal decoctions. It really does thin blood, that’s the point.

  92. I don’t chew it, either, that releases acid onto your teeth and gums.

  93. For my seventh grade science experiment, I chose “Is Aspirin An Anti-coagulant?”
    My teacher, Mrs Bowers was so impressed with my choic that she actually served as my test subject.
    Can you imagine a teacher being allowed to prick her finger and bleed on a slide in front of a twelve year old these days? Would never happen.
    I won a $50 savings bond for that project, too. Those were different times for sure.

  94. I take 2 aspirin wh n I get up and 2 more when I go to bed. My kydneys prolly hate my brain but I don’t care. At the moment.

  95. I wont eat it, snort it, or smoke it.

  96. Comment by scott on July 30, 2018 9:38 pm
    I wont eat it, snort it, or smoke it.

    Suppository it is, then!

  97. Nope.

  98. Man up.

  99. Leon, do you donate blood on a regular basis?

  100. Red Cross won’t take it, Roamy. I donated at 19 after losing a bunch of weight and my liver enzyme count was high, so they said I probably had hepatitis and not to donate again, even though all the hep tests they ran were negative.

  101. I absolutely would if they’d let me, excess iron in the body is extremely bad for you, and bleeding is about the only way.

    Leech farming may be my only option.

  102. That was also 23 years ago, so my hepatitis must the lamest strain ever to go untreated this long and never see a symptom.

  103. Time to demand a recount

  104. and a brand new liver

  105. Cabin idea for jimbro:

  106. Oso family theater: 33% humidity. I have boob sweat.
    Dan: make sure you wash your hands before making drinks.
    Oso: ok.
    Dan: I’d h8 for boob sweat to interfere with my scratching my balls sweat.
    Oso: WTF is wrong with you?

  107. Gross.

  108. Roamy, are you serious about green chile stew?

  109. Beasn, I’m dying. I H8 humidity. Killing me.

  110. Why do they call it Boob Sweat instead of Humidititties?

  111. Boob sweat sounds more dignified.

  112. Observation hives are cool. I first saw one at the Trailside Museum at the Blue Hills Reservation as a kid and was fascinated. Retirement project for later on.

  113. Boob sweat is disgusting. You get humidity shamed for bitching about 33%

  114. Good night. Still working for Cow whose son attempted suicide

  115. Oops. MA had a Vet visit. Got shots. Vet thinks my chunk is in great shape for her age. Could not believe she’s as old as she is without spine/back issues. Approved her diet

  116. Well, we found out where the dead squirrel carcass went – in the garden right by the front door. It was covered with oak leaf mulch, so we didn’t see it.

    We also found out who did the deed – our neighbor across the street saw Mr. TiFW this evening and told him how he had seen our Pyrenees in the front yard yesterday morning, going up and down the fence for 5-10 minutes, showing off the squirrel that she had caught 😊

    We told her “Good girl!” tonight.



  118. Oso, yes, I am serious about the green chile stew. Had some in Texas and want more.

  119. I need a haircut.

  120. There ain’t no derp in my little red book
    Who could ever replace your charms
    And each derp in my little red book
    Knows you’re the one I’m thinkin’ of

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