Gilding Your Mom’s Lily


This is that story

It could be all a lot worse if Hillary was in office. Go Donny Two Scoops!

Exposing the reasons why we expose


Sometimes a little validation goes a long way


Parenting advice for MJ from a great source



Great strip, a little twisted, but I guess that’s the point


Work is getting crazy. I’ve been burning through affirmations like nobody’s business. We just had a meeting, hospital finances are in the shitter. Everyone says we’re being paid less for what we’re doing. Their solution? Do more of what we are not getting paid for to make up for it in volume! Um, sure!





  1. Good morning Lily Gilders and other assorted assholes

  2. Time to take the coal to Newcastle.

  3. What ever happened to that Sand To The Sahara contract?

  4. wakey wakey

  5. Good morning. Wiserbud is hosting a meetup. Connecticut. June 22-24. Please let us know if you’re interested. I guess I should send an email, eh.

  6. Bed frames are 39 bucks. King. You can’t hit a dead cat (PBUH) without hitting a mattress store wherein they sell them.


  8. Those bedframes aren’t leon approved.

  9. I don’t understand people. The woman who was killed when the plane engine disintegrated recently was from Albuquerque. Non-stop coverage of her. Interviews with family, cow-orkers, politicians, etc. Features on her life. Honored at the baseball game. They are building a memorial to her. Evidently, she was a saint. Can a movie of the week be far behind?

    If she had been killed in an auto accident, none of this would be happening. I just find it really strange.

  10. Wife liked the one we had, matched other furniture, and “we’re almost done!” was uttered by her after we had it 1/3 rebuilt with stuff from her first trip to Ace.

    It got built, they slept on it last night, and I finally slept.

  11. So I had to take a class yesterday to practice restraint holds and stuff. But I ended up not doing some of the exercises because the instructors told the class they wanted to see ‘realistic force.’ I knew this was going to be a problem as soon as one of the enthusiastic females took up after me in one demo. I had to tell her I have a shoulder problem and thank goodness, she dialed it down.

    I did some of the more forceful holds but opted out of some of the rest because I keep re-injuring my stupid shoulder and I didn’t want to get hurt in a class. Some of the holds would have definitely hurt me, the way some of the other students went all spastic trying to create realistic force.

    One of the other females from my unit got hurt in class because of one of these spazzes. A guy twice her size was struggling ‘realistically’ and her thumb got jammed or twisted or something. Good job, teachers. Way to go.

    I’ll practice the body mechanics with my preceptor separately this week. IRL I’ll never be tasked with helping with a major hold on a larger male, fer cryin’ out loud. For one thing, it wouldn’t work.

  12. HA.

  13. That’s genius, Scott. Wish I’d thought of it.

  14. They do one of those runs in Detroit. You basically run a block to a bar.

  15. Looks like a race for those “working up” to a 5K 😉

  16. Meh, too far. Can we drive it?

  17. ugh, sorry about overzealous teachers, laura.

    Sounds like Car in giving us Zumba lessons

  18. Carin needs to dial it down with the zumba crap. All that jumping around, it’s almost impossible not to spill your beer.

  19. Oh my God I just had a brilliant idea for an invention. I’m going to be a millionaire.

    *patents design for a yoga mat with built-in ashtray*

    I’m a genius. A fucking genius. Nobody steal this. It’s mine.

  20. I thought you just shared a hookah with the rest of your yoga class?

  21. *GASPS* Another inspiration!

    *invents the yogabong*

    This is it. This is my big break. I’m exploiting the health craze. I’m picking out my next vehicle. I’m designing my new house.

  22. Weedyoga is almost certainly A Thing.

  23. I’ve already moved on to working on solving the beer/zumba problem.
    Graph paper is involved, so you know it’s gonna be good.

    *chews on pencil eraser*

    Gonna need a gyroscope for this. I’ll level with you: I’m not sure why. But gyroscopes are cool.

  24. Let’s face it; the main drawback of fitness-type activities is that they make it really hard to incorporate any kind of meaningful vice into our lives.

    People really want to do yoga, but they also really want to smoke and drink and shoot heroin.

    My mission is to fix this terrible modern issue that nobody has noticed or discussed until now.

  25. Today might be my Sunday morning. I am incredibly lazy this morning and I don’t feel like doing any of my hobbies. I just want to sit here and be ridiculous.

  26. At 16 I worked as a painter / maintenance helper at a secure psych facility. Back then the training was, Upon hearing code “Dr. Strong” all males in the facility were to respond. Once there we were to “grab a limb and hold it.” Then it was always a cluster fuck trying to get the “restraints” on the subject and then carrying them to the seclusion room.

    Later on in life working security for a ER I learned “fuck those leather restraints” and I would handcuff a subject quick fast and in a hurry once given the ok. Then we would attempt to apply the leather restraints. The longer the struggle, the more chance for injury to both parties.

  27. Yeah, restraints are really dangerous and really frowned upon. Absolute last case scenario.

  28. /takes restraints off, kicks them under the couch

  29. I just want to sit here and be ridiculous.


    This is the absolutely perfect place for that kind of thing.

  30. FTR, I just found those. I don’t know who they belong to.

  31. MJ probably left them behind.

  32. Ask Erin.

    *runs away, dodging, dipping, diving, and ducking*

  33. great poat J’Brony!!
    i award it 2 of these –

  34. Let’s face it; the main drawback of fitness-type activities is that they make it really hard to incorporate any kind of meaningful vice into our lives.

    I disagree. Most of the running clubs I’ve known about seem to be excuses to drink afterwards. Yoga is a sex cult.

    *snorts bath salts*
    *goes to lift weights*

  35. So scott informs me that I’m working for him on Saturday. This is utter bullshit. I didn’t have any plans but it’s still bullshit.

  36. Most of my exercise is jumping to conclusions.

    On the other hand, my only real vice left is water filter snobbery.

  37. Heh, Dodge Ball reference.

  38. Can you hire one of those lunger guys to work for you?

  39. “People really want to do yoga, but they also really want to smoke and drink and shoot heroin”
    Seems like yoga and heroin would go together…


    “*runs away, dodging, dipping, diving, and ducking*” and Dodging. The 5 D’s, ask your mom.

  40. I’m glad pepe covered the last D. It was really bothering me. Patches O’Hoolihan would be proud.

  41. I knew you guys would notice that.

  42. I didn’t have any plans but it’s still bullshit.

    You could always tell him to cram it.

  43. Creepy. Seriously.

  44. That thread was really interesting, Lauraw.

  45. I don’t know what that says about mankind, Carin.

    Seriously, I don’t get it. Are we so starved for companionship? Touch? Conversation? Why are we so starved for those things that human to human relationships fulfill…or should?

  46. Who likes amusement parks?

  47. I do understand that tech progress will bring amazing things as well as horrible things, it’s inevitable.

    Aha! Just had a revelation; That tech is separating and/or isolating people (as well as bringing them together) so that separation brings the need for a substitute?

    I don’t know what I’m saying.

  48. Mare is drunk again.

  49. I been entertaining myself in the evening this week by watching youtubes of Joe Rogan Pod Cast (has Jordan Peterson on two separate interviews totally 3 hrs of material) & Paul Provenza in the Green Room (a bunch of comics just shooting the shit). Anyone catch any of this stuff? Or know of anything worth checking out on netflix or youtubes?

  50. Seriously, I don’t get it. Are we so starved for companionship? Touch? Conversation? Why are we so starved for those things that human to human relationships fulfill…or should?

    Yes. This is basically the whole incel issue. Guys who can’t find companionship and it drives them to dispair.

  51. Aha! Just had a revelation; That tech is separating and/or isolating people (as well as bringing them together) so that separation brings the need for a substitute?

    One of my rants is that tech has destroyed a lot of the social institutions that used to provide people with companionship and a way to find potential mates. Netflix and xbox at home aren’t the same as going to the movies or bowling with friends.

  52. You could always tell him to cram it.

    That only excites him.

  53. At-troy,
    I’ve listened to some Rogan. Good stuff. He’s smarter than most people think, but still somewhat nutty.

    I used to watch/listen to KPCS (Kevin Pollak’s Chat Show) all the time. He basically just interviews Hollywood types, but there can be some intelligent and quite funny banter. Tom Hanks was really good. Dick Van Dyke was fun. Interesting stuff.

  54. Government assistance has also destroyed a lot of the mutual-aid fellowship that used to bind neighborhoods. How many KofC or Eagles or Moose Lodge guys do you know anymore? Unless you’re an active member of an active church, you’ve got nobody but family, maybe.

    I think this is a big part of CrackFat’s appeal. Community for the twisted souls who like to kip all of the things.

  55. Rogan’s interviews with Graham Hancock were pretty cool to watch, ditto for Dr. Rhonda Patrick.

  56. Most people don’t even talk to their neighbors, now.

  57. Dead on, COAlex. I watched with wonder as the Internet proved its worth as a new venue to increase and improve human interaction, then watched in horror as it degraded and replaced it.

    We were worried technology would destroy us with new weapons. It seems we worried about the wrong threat.

  58. Death By Video Games. It’s another one of those Great Filter events.

    If we ever meet aliens, I guarantee they will be fantastic parents and that as a whole their society won’t have much regard for meaningless entertainment.

  59. That or they will be immortal degenerates who’ve surpassed all need for restraint.

    That seems highly unlikely, though.

  60. The social things I enjoy doing, such as tango, west-coast swing, or fencing, are either male-heavy, or skewed towards a much older crowd. I hate running, and really can’t right now with my weight and my knees, which is what most of the women around here claim to love. Hiking, running, camping, drinking microbrews…

  61. Car in, I found this article to be interesting.

    The blog seems to be left-tilted, but the article does a good job humanizing the incel movement.

  62. The other problem is that the internet has screwed with our perspectives. Online dating gives women and men the illusion of their options, while social media increase the pressure to project a “perfect” life, which others buy into.

    Whereas in the past a man or woman would largely have their social circles (friends, work, church, etc.) as a sample size, and compare potential mates against others within those groups, now people get compared against the fantasies you see on dating sites or social media.

  63. Man, I just don’t need a lot of social interaction. I live mostly in my head, so I’m usually happiest when I’m alone.

    On a fun note…… business wise, I make stuff, and Penelope handles selling it, shipping and general correspondence. I looked at the bank account and noticed that none of the internet sales were hitting the bank.

    Me: The internet sales aren’t hitting the bank account. Where is the money going?

    Penelope: It takes a few days to clear.

    Me: Nothing has hit since 3/13.

    Penelope: Panicky look. *Calls processing company*

    Penelope: Where is the money going?

    CC Co.: We put a hold on your account.

    Penelope: And didn’t tell us???? Why?

    CC Co.: You only have a few products…… We’ll look into it.

    I guess there is so much fraud, they must be constantly scanning for irregularities. We must have tripped some kind of trigger. They did send us bills for their processing services, though.

    This shit shouldn’t be so hard.

  64. Pat and I have a friend from college who married WAAAAY above. lol. He asked EVERYONE out. It was outgoing, but we used to joke about how many women he would ask out. There were lots. Kiss a lot of toads, you’ll find your prince. Dating a lot of people – DATING, not serially sleeping with folks – is your best bet.

  65. Another friend got married last December. He was lonely, so he went to one of those dating sites and he dated a LOT of women, It took almost a year but he finally found one.

    He wasn’t necessarily as described in your article- he was a smart, good looking dude. But, he came across as gay – which probably was why it was difficult for him to meet a woman.

  66. lazyasses run those websites, pepe. They just don’t care.

    I’m dealing with one right now.

  67. Huh.
    My credit card has been declined/shut down since sometime after I ordered my Cuatro. I wonder if it’s related? I assumed they might’ve thought it was fraud because I rarely order products online with it. I just ordered a new one.

    But looking at the date of my order, I think it must be related to the Pepe knife order.

  68. Bill Cosby, guilty.

  69. Where’s the safe?

  70. mare, there’s a new movie out

  71. No idea why they’d mess with your card, Chi. No other people have had an issue that we know of.

  72. But looking at the date of my order, I think it must be related to the Pepe knife order.

    Yeah, from what I understand, he works out of some boiler room in Bangalore, or Nigeria or something.

  73. I think Carin is right, date a lot of people. Date. But going through that process must be hell. Worth it in the end but sheeeeesh.

  74. Oh, I’m sure it was my card company, Pepe. But the timing is curious – I ordered a day or two before you noticed no more payments.
    I figured it was my “internet purchase” that triggered them (I’m a victim of identity theft). Certainly wasn’t an issue with balance or expiration date. I hadn’t used the card online in ages, and it was weeks later when I tried to pay a $12 bartab that I first used it and it was declined.

    Trying to get any info from customer service about why/what/when was like herding cats, so I just told them to send me new cards and dropped the issue.

    I just don’t want you guys to get screwed out of pmt!

  75. Haven’t turned this into a cooking blog in a while.

    Who has a good recipe for ho-made Cajun seasoning?
    So many differing recipes online with contradictions. I probably have MOST of the ingredients on hand, BTW.
    I’m trying my hand at red beans & rice tonight (with smoked sausage).

  76. I am not a fan of Kanye West and you all know I think his wife and her whole family are whores and skanks, however, lots of people are linking his tweets and I wonder how much better race relations would be now if Obama had taken that “kind” of approach.

    Instead of dividing, talk about unity. Instead of saying crap like, “let them get to the back of the bus,” and “behaved stupidly” and “punch back twice as hard” he could have (every time he had the opportunity) to talk about helping one’s neighbor, civility, getting along, naming those blacks who’ve done well because this country is so kick ass. It goes on and on.

    I wouldn’t expect him to act like that ass Justin Truduex, but just speak about, “We no longer have to dream of a black man being President” “all the opportunities I had to go to great schools” etc., etc..

  77. Chi, Meathead is never wrong.

  78. That one looks good. Needs more peppers though

  79. Thanks, Scoot! That is the most complicated blend I’ve seen yet – but worth a try. I agree it looks like more peppers are needed.
    I think I have everything but the mace and caraway? I have a bag of dried anchos that I can grind myself. Off to the kitchen…

  80. Mike Pompeo is already on his way to the Middle East. He’s already met with the Korean goof, talks are on the way with North and South Korea. He’s done more than Kerry and Clinton combined. And he’s done it without the help of James Taylor.

  81. Moving dressers out of my office, finally, so I can bring the other three bookshelves in from the horse trailer.

  82. Ugh. Probably antidepressants in my future. The one goddamn thing I wanted to avoid…


  84. BC, when you find the right one, it will be much better. Have the doctor start you slow – Prozac is where most people start. I’ve been on it for more than ten years now – noticed a difference in less than two weeks.

  85. In my case, it wasn’t so much depression as overreacting in anger. Turns out, I just needed to get my serotonin levels back on track.

  86. ^Holy. Shit.^

  87. And Time’s Person of the Year will no doubt be Camera Hogg….

  88. OSOS Midwest Adventure: Dan decided to stay in KC on Tuesday for the Brewers/Royals. Everyone was all “Great baseball weather”. 75 with humidity and breezy is brrrrrrr for a desert dweller. Watched the Cedar Rapids Kernels last night. Brrrrrrr. Staying in a Marriot that used to be a John Deere factory. Very cool. Vertical TP holders that eliminate the over/under argument. Bought a 2nd hoodie for Reds/Twins. Decided against Friday night baseball as it is freaking cold!!!!

  89. TiFW, I fear you’re correct.

  90. “^Holy. Shit.^”

    i’m starting to wonder if that little fat bastard may actually have had a come to Jesus moment…
    i hope he has

  91. My favorite rumor is all their good nuke scientists/engineers got killed in the test site collapse.

  92. XB and I share a favorite rumor. Not hard for KJU to negotiate away something he no longer has.

  93. Converted John Deere factory is the most comfortable hotel we’ve stayed in. No external noise.

  94. My far left field prediction is that he removed all the old guard because he’s not wedded to communism like they were. He won’t push for reunification, but instead will transition North Korea to a monarchy with himself as king.

  95. CoAl, will he get to keep his Olympic cheerleaders as monarch?

  96. Americans love monarchs!!!!

  97. That’s an interesting theory.

  98. I had serious Night Terrors before we left on vacation. Apparently, my screams were audible. We were sleeping with windows open. Dan is afraid neighbors will mistake no movement, sound, or car for murder. LOLOLOLOL MaryAnn is at Pet Paradise. I didn’t realize my screams were that loud

  99. LOL. Xbrad translation, “it’s crap”?

    Like I said, fat left field. He’s removed anyone loyal to his father, along with those relatives in a position to challenge him. They’re a monarchy in all but name. A slow transition over the next ten years or so to give time for adjustment. Decentalize collective industries to local party officials, allow some private enterprise, but keep the state religion and trappings. China wont complain too much as long as he remains loyal to Beijing.

  100. Not “it’s crap.”

    More “That never occurred to me, and I’ll have to think about it.”

  101. *derp

  102. Am I a good man?
    Am I a fool, am I a fool?
    Am I derp?
    Somebody tell me
    Or am I just playing it cool?

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