MMM 312: show prep

Gotta get the house ready for pictures this week.  Taking a carload of boxes and a cat to parents’ house next weekend.  Have to go check for trapped varmints as soon as I publish this poat.  Woo!

Locker room selfie.

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She’s gonna need some sunscreen.

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Arm veins.

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Jerkin’.

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I miss deadlifting.

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Foot tat.

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Looks comfy.

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At least, not having ever found a giant tire, I don’t now need to move a giant tire.

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Happy Monday.  Go get some crap done.

178 Comments

  1. It rained, but the pond is still ice. Here’s hoping for an empty trap.

  2. Someone catch me up.

  3. On what? Lots going on, man.

  4. Catch us up. Did you pork the nanny yet, or just send dickpics? How many times have you moved this year?

  5. mj – did your wife catch you on the downstroke?

  6. with the nanny

  7. Is Tiny speaking any foreign languages yet? I assume the potty training is advancing. You should also probably have the kid in three sports by now.

    wakey wakey

  8. Empty trap, lucked out.

  9. “On what? Lots going on, man.”

    *ponders a list of plausible fabrications to spice up the chat room*

  10. leon won the lottery & bought a mansion in south western michigroin – he’s gonna open up a brothel

  11. your mom’s gonna run it

  12. j;ames has had enough of programing at a place that doesn’t appreciate his talents –

    he’s gonna quit and go back to being a world class mixologist and punster with the cruise line

  13. j’bro believes that geriatric proctology has a hole that he could fill

  14. Lapeer Creek has been on hiatus, so you’re good with that.

  15. carin has finally admitted that there is more to her Subaru lifestyle than she originally let on

  16. lauraw and scott’s pictures are now adorning the walls of your local post office –
    their story of being the first power couple to become co-Post Masters General of the United States and start a south bound tour of post offices is suspect…

  17. roamy may actually be a muzzy cleric and not a real rocket scientist, as word of NASA’s true mission of being a muslim outreach program has been verified.

  18. wiser admitted that he’s really really really likes zima

  19. i was the artist that actually painted oblah-blahs portrait
    http://tinyurl.com/yb4473yp

  20. pupster bit the mailman again

  21. chi-chi was thinking about shaving his beard the next time he was tidying up his manscape

  22. colex (redacted)

  23. xbrad finally admitted that he’s a sheep baron who owns a multi-billion dollar spread in new zealand

  24. mare loves puns

  25. wiser admitted that he’s really really really likes zima

    Zima, Corona, potato, potahto.

    It’s old.

  26. People have a happy time vacationing in Ireland because they are walking on Eire.

  27. hotpur is actually Sister Mary Bâtonnets de Poisson
    and never swears in real life

  28. s

  29. Will it hurt a car’s suspension to leave about 300# of books in it for 48 hours?

  30. No, it’s fine. I leave a couple of dead bodies in my car all the time.

  31. Sweet. Thanks.

  32. Sister Mary Bâtonnets de Poisson

    LOL

  33. Oh, Fishsticks!

  34. Bring back the kitties.

  35. If you’re driving a car that leaving 300# in it for two days might damage the suspension, you might want to look into something new.

  36. I made ribs for dinner last night. I used a bbq sauce called Slow’s South Carolina.

    OMG they were awesome. Everyone loved them. If you have Slow’s available, check it out. It’s a mustard based sauce.

  37. Yellow sauce? Did you find it in your store, or order it? I like mustard sauces, but not sure if Mrs. Jay will.

  38. Hmm. My storyline is so bad I’ve been written off the show…

    Meanwhile, I’m now envisioning my local Sprint store being guarded by a raccoon with a machine gun.

  39. It was in my store. They carry a whole line of Slow’s.

    Slow’s is a Detroit company, so chances are you don’t have it available. But you could order it here.

  40. BroCav has modified his dating approach

  41. pepe tweeted an update to his grinder profile that says he likes long rides on the range wearing nothing but chaps and a smile

  42. tom swifty

  43. *wonders when the first bag of dog crap on fire will be left on door step*

  44. I’ve been to Slows. It can be hard to get into, but it’s sort of just a joint. Hipster douchebag. MJ would fit right in.

  45. The South Carolina sauce kicks all kinds of ass. My friend Val suggested I start making my own. I said, “Why would I bother when this shit is so good?”

  46. Field report 2/19/2018
    My husband is a signatory to a document that states we agree to not smoke in or otherwise soil this rental car, which is dirty and smells like pot.

    No matter! We have left our civilized home for a tour of some rough country; the Upper Middle South settled barely three hundred years ago.

  47. Go Ws!!!!!!!

  48. I wish I had packed a cannister of Lysol wipes.

  49. Lower 40ºs today, mid 60ºs tomorrow.

    Bye bye, snow.

  50. My brother got a car that smelled like cigars. Good ones.

  51. update: chances of moving to Texas went up from 10% to about 40%.
    Wife is surprisingly supportive. I expected her to be reluctant.
    It all hinges on education facilities now.

    And holy shit, they sell palaces in Texas for the price of shitholes in NJ.

  52. Tushar, you’ll need the extra space and cash for all of your guns.

    And it’s good to hear that you’re looking more likely to leave NJ.

  53. We have left our civilized home for a tour of some rough country; the Upper Middle South settled barely three hundred years ago.

    Have fun, and watch out for the cannibals!

  54. Ladies and gentlemen, we have our new curling spokesman:

    https://twitchy.com/gregp-3534/2018/02/18/make-this-happen-mr-t-future-olympics-curling-star-curlingiscoolfool/

  55. Sorry, Middle Upper South, not Upper Middle South. I misspoke.

  56. The W’s are travelling?

    Also, Laura, what happened to your plans of relocating to Texas?
    Let’s show those Texans how obnoxious us New Englanders can be…

    Oh, and if I manage to relocate, and acquire a house soon enough, next meatup at my place.

  57. Alex, I do have a few calibers and brands in mind….

  58. pepe tweeted an update to his grinder profile that says he likes long rides on the range your mom wearing nothing but chaps and a smile

    =====

    Fixt

  59. Yeah Tush, we’ll be passing through Jersey too on the way back. I want to see the Jersey shore and snarf some good seafood. Probably Thursday or Friday.

  60. Also, Wi,tee is a great time to run the idea of Texas by your wife, good thinking man.
    We probably won’t be moving for quite a while, family reasons.

  61. Winter is a good time
    Sheesh

  62. Assless chaps?

  63. Laura, you guys are welcome to stop by. I am just 3-4 miles from NJTP exit 9. I will be careful not make anything too spicy.

  64. I’m bored. I would go start painting that room, but apparently the “party” was rescheduled for this weekend (the original party date fell on a long weekend and some people went away).

    Sigh. This project will NEVER get done if she keeps putting the party off.

  65. It’s problematic to start painting before thursday. Even that is … iffy.

  66. I need a vacation.

  67. Cool! Thanks man. We don’t know when but if it’s feasible I’ll shoot you an email when we know

  68. My number:
    forty times six for first 3 digits.
    days in a week followed by days in January for next 3 digits
    three times three for 7th digit.
    twelve times twelve for last 3 digits.

  69. If you like NJ, you’ll love Texas, Tushar. Excellent school systems and (not that it matters to you) tons of professional Indians (from India).

    You’d love the culture of politeness, open Christianity, friendliness, and the people in the burbs are very good looking. Women look like women and men look like men.

    My visiting friends noticed it too. You’d be surprised how unusual it is…well, maybe not.

  70. My favorite is Alabama white sauce (sywm). The amazing ribs recipe is great. I put it on everything, fries, shrimp, pork shoulder. Odd he uses it for chicken and it’s the one thing I don’t put it on.

  71. Have you narrowed down the area in Texas, Tushar?

  72. Mare, I don’t like to surround myself with Indians. I mean, I like them fine, just not exclusively so. That is one reason I want to go away from NJ. As I joked many years back, the offices here look like freaking UPS parking lots. I like diversity, in culture, opinions and gun calibers.

    NJ is very hostile to conservatism and Christianity. Texas would be a welcome change.

  73. Mare, either Plano or Frisco, just North of Dallas.

  74. Tush, if you’re a drinker you’ll want to check the alcohol laws as part of your area recon. If I remember correctly, certain areas north and east of dallas are dry.

  75. Plano and Frisco are both great. Frisco is the home to the new Cowboy’s training center.

    Well, get ready to see a lot of Indians because that area is home to lots of corporate headquarters and professional buildings, lawyers, doctors, dentists.

    Texas is NOT the place for diversity.

  76. I don’t care about bars. Are you saying they won’t let you consume in your own home?

    eh, I just checked local laws. I will be fine… They don’t allow sale at night and until noon on Sunday. Not different from NJ.

  77. Although, black, Indian, Asian, abound, what is great is that although they are different, in the suburbs the VALUES (family, faith, country) are all very similar which is what we loved.

  78. I’ve been dinged on the Sunday morning alcohol sales before. After doing early morning rounds every once in a while I shop on the way home to save a trip into town. No beer before 9:00.

  79. I presume the no alcohol on Sunday morning rule has something to do with the fact that Sunday morning is for attending church.
    I never understood the logic of this rule.
    People who go to church and people who need alcohol early on Sunday morning are demographics that don’t intersect a lot.

  80. I have not followed this closely, but is it true that the gay skater who swore he wouldn’t meet with Pence didn’t win anything anyway?

  81. Mare, by diversity of opinion, I mean this:
    In Texas, I am pretty sure that if you are vocally liberal, you won’t suffer professionally. In NJ, if anyone finds out you are a conservative, it can hurt your career.
    A Hillary bumper sticker in Texas means rolled eyes and shaken heads. In NJ, a Trump sticker means keyed side panels, slashed tires and broken windshield.

  82. For store bought BBQ sauce, look for Bone Suckin’ Sauce. Yes, thats really the ne of it. That shit is solidly the best I’ve found.
    Stubbs ain’t bad. I’ll have to look for Slow’s. I think I’ve heard of it on some cooking show. Maybe Alton Brown on the road, or that jackwagon Gay Fiero.

  83. Carin, he did not, and neither did the gay skier, the one who said he was happy his hand was broken so he wouldn’t have to shake Pence’s hand.

  84. Carin, I think every Olympian gets an invite, even if he/she doesn’t win. The trouble is, these idiots have put WH in a bind. If they are invited, they will openly diss and decline. If they are not invited, they will throw a hissy fit.
    I say WH should not invite anyone who has declared they won’t accept. If questioned, WH can always say they are honoring the wishes of these assholes.

  85. The skater boi came in something like tenth in the standings. Then was hired by NBC as commentator for the rest of the games. Then reneged on the promise because xe would’ve had to leave the Olympic team and couldnt attend closing ceremonies to drink & eat Xanax with xer buddies.

  86. I like to imagine that skater boi and Johnny weir got into some sort of tiff.

  87. Agreed, no invitation necessary, the potential invitee breached protocol by making a public statement. It would be unseemly to extend a invitation to one that has publicly declined. The White House would be accused of “bullying”.

  88. skater boi is perfect. Well done.

  89. Pence wouldn’t meet him anyway, without his wife present.

  90. ShreddedChi, the story of NBC’s hiring and unhiring of Rippon, in four images:

  91. I like to imagine that skater boi and Johnny weir got into some sort of tiff.

    Is Tiff the name of the guy that designs the costumes for the men’s skating team?

  92. Johnny and Tara were having too much fun together, Adam would bring the whole show down.

  93. I think Car in overrotated.

  94. The only Olympic news I’ve read today is about the Russian curling bronze medal winner being accused of doping. I can’t get my head around why a curler felt the need to dope for performance. Curling is what Canadian louts do during the winter when they’re not eating cheese fries and giving the finger to Trudeau.

  95. Oh, and I saw an article defending Lindsey Vonn who dissed trump but didn’t medal. It was of the “You go girl” variety which meant it was stupid and I didn’t finish it. Whatever, people hate presidents and vocalize it all the time. Don’t elevate it because she’s an athlete.

  96. Elevator is out of order.

  97. Well, she won’t have to go see Donny Two Scoops now.

  98. Ouch:

    Replying to @redsteeze

    I’m surprised he didn’t follow through with the commentator gig. At least you can’t get 10th place, there.

  99. Curling is like bowling or darts or NASCAR driving. Yeah, you need a certain level of fitness and a unique skill set but don’t compare yourself with someone competing in the biathlon.

  100. It’s more like pool, in that you are blocking, while also leaving the stones for a score.

  101. They go down to 10th at the PRIDE championships.

  102. I always thought of curling as being like bocce on ice. With hot chicks instead of old men.

  103. Shartlesville, PA.

    Hahahahahaha

  104. Shartles: Worst Pokemon Ever

  105. Shartles used skid attack.

    It was super effective!

  106. A wild Trumpenking appears!
    Shartles uses smear attack.
    It isn’t very effective…

  107. Shartlesville…….Where everyday is a surprise!

    Shartlesville…..Where the smell isnt the worst thing you’ll find

    Shartlesville…..Home of the “Skivvy Stains” a semi pro Roller Derby team.

  108. Shartles sound like the Kaboom of candy that the really poor kids got for Halloween. I don’t even want to guess what they taste like…

  109. Rare photo of Lincoln

  110. A Hillary bumper sticker in Texas means rolled eyes and shaken heads. In NJ, a Trump sticker means keyed side panels, slashed tires and broken windshield.

    ———-

    That is correct, Tushar. You will be happy there.

  111. Shartles, the candy made from laxative and rainbow food coloring…

  112. Ha! Jay, you ass! It’s weird, just today I was reading about an archiver who was looking at some pictures of Gettysburg and determined based on a number of things Lincoln should be in the picture and he was! Which is exciting for them because none (or few) were known to exist.

    On the other hand, the picture of Lincoln they show is terrible, his head is down, no hat and it doesn’t look like him at all. But really, how would I know?

  113. Shartlesville, PA.

    I heard MCPO hangs out there.

  114. Is that Lincoln deal big news? I haven’t read Drudge or regular stuff today so maybe that’s why Jay linked that…hmmmmm

  115. I decided to eat today. Planning to fast the rest of the week.

  116. >>Shartlesville, PA.
    >>I heard MCPO hangs out there.

    Lingers. He lingers there.

  117. The Chinese women’s curling team has a couple of serious cases of bat-ears.

  118. Ohhhhhh, that was interesting, Jimbro.

  119. Though his childrens show was quickly cancelled by CBS due to low ratings, Shartles the Bear found a second life, as a risque, adult-oriented comedy act. Videos of his comedy club performances are popular among college students.

  120. https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

  121. I almost died today at crossfit. True story. I’m sure you guys want to hear all about it.

  122. That EDC site is interesting. Thanks for that link.
    My list wouldn’t be so interesting, but I may add to it after perusing the page some.

  123. Car in, what did they make you do? Squrpees? Box thrusts? Kipping rows?

  124. I hear that the wall shartles are a real killer.

  125. Jeepers, there’s some limp-wristed tool with a wig, on NBC right now. Is this the fag who didn’t win shit, but NBC gave him a job because he’s queer?

  126. Splat workout. It’s shartles done for time in an AMRAP with poo pees.

  127. Hotspur, probably Johnny Weir(d). Previously competed in the Olympics in figure skating. If your gaydar isn’t maxed out, please get it checked.

  128. Babylon Bee is on a roll. The TL/DR Bible, the “Thoughts, Prayers Prove Ineffective At Preventing Neil DeGrasse Tyson From Saying Moronic Things On Twitter”, and now crossfit.

  129. I’ve got more interest in the paralympics than this shartshow

  130. To be clear, they gave him a job because he attacked VP Pence, lying and making olympics about him and his aberrant lifestyle instead of pride of country. There is no other explanation.
    Fuck NBC with a barbed wire wrapped pineapple. Sideways.

  131. People who go to church and people who need alcohol early on Sunday morning are demographics that don’t intersect a lot.

    Actually, Blue Laws were primarily enacted so people wouldn’t show up to church drunk.

  132. Yeah, Roamie, there’s no sound because I’m in Casey’s, but he’s got the expressive wrists, demure smile, and looks like has a lisp.

    Looks likes he’s had more dick in him than Paris Hilton, Mae West, and Richard Simmons combined.

  133. We drove through Shartlesville quickly and didn’t stop for food.

    You guys are killing me.

  134. Wall shartles….

    Splat workout. It’s shartles done for time in an AMRAP with poo pees.

    GOLD mufakus, GOLD

  135. Actually, Blue Laws were primarily enacted so people wouldn’t show up to church drunk.

    Or shartle in the pews.

  136. He’s so fabulous, Liberace said, dude, ease up.

  137. The track coach in high school used to make us run shartleks.

  138. As a young hooligan in MA during the summer we’d pool our money Saturday night for a fifth of cheap liquor so we’d have something to mix in our koolaid for beach trips on Sunday. Packies were closed on Sundays back then.

  139. I lived in Lubbock, Texas when I was a kid. It was dry, so you had to drive across the county line to get liquor. The liquor store was literally a drive-through. Not a window. You drove into a big metal building and a guy came up to the car and took your order. You popped the trunk and they loaded the booze. Truly civilized.

    Stores could only be open 6 days a week. There were two big Gibson’s stores (old school WalMart), one on either side of town. One was closed Saturday, the other was closed Sunday.

  140. That chart is racist, CNN has informed me.

  141. TL/DR Bible….lol

  142. Pepe,
    These things are all over The Outer Banks of NC. (Think Kitty Hawk)

    I couldn’t believe when I was in Daytona Beach and a restaurant not only sold me a sixer of Corona but they sliced a lime into wedges for me. Don’t get me started on drive-thru daquiri places in Nawlins with ginormous drinks made with Bacardi 151 & Everclear…

  143. Shartles the Clown will be a big hit at Possum’s birthday party.

  144. I remember being surprised when we were in a mall in New Orleans and a kiosk was selling frozen daquiris.

  145. Frozen Shartles – the original Fudgesicle.

  146. The Original Fudgesicle?
    I think up north it’s known as a Moosesicle.

  147. Everclear is the drink of choice of the down-to-earth folks who think Val-U-Rite vodka is the lame drink of the upper classes.

  148. And Lindsey Vonn can gargle with Shartleade.

  149. Crap. I have to walk up to the grocery store. I’m craving hot wings, and I have everything except the bleu cheese to make a decent dip.
    While I’m there, what wine goes with Frank’s Red Hot sauce?

  150. While I’m there, what wine goes with Frank’s Red Hot sauce?

    Manischevitz.

  151. Kendall Jackson Vintner’s Reserve Chardonnay

  152. Ask Mare.

  153. I just had a mental image of Mare playing badminton and yelling “Shartle COCK!”

  154. (I actually enjoy a cheap bottle of Kendall Jackson on occasion – sue me)

  155. Shartles and James.

    Ask for it.

  156. And, Scott just won the internet for today.

  157. http://tinyurl.com/kq3auzl

  158. Thank you for your support, scott.

  159. One goal for the week, before the weather turns to crap

    https://tinyurl.com/y922kxtp

  160. Sending a package to J’Ames. Trying to get Penelope to write something entertaining for the mailman on it.

    STD Test Kit, Handle With Care!!
    X-TRA Strength Viagra.
    Dr.Shartles Hemorrhoid Cream.

    She’s too classy, though.

  161. Heh

  162. Monkeypox vaccine.

    DO NOT SHAKE!

  163. Teenage Mutant Ninja Shartles

  164. mmm, this hard cranberry is delicious

  165. I lived in Lubbock, Texas when I was a kid. It was dry, so you had to drive across the county line to get liquor. The liquor store was literally a drive-through. Not a window. You drove into a big metal building and a guy came up to the car and took your order. You popped the trunk and they loaded the booze. Truly civilized.

    Awwe….The Strip. I spent a lot of money there back in the day. Now Lubbock is wet and all those old liquor store buildings out there are tire dealerships and used car lots.

  166. roamy, I read that study you linked about fish allergies and canned tuna/salmon. Down towards the end of it, it mentions how they really need to warn those with milk allergies as canned tuna with vegetable broth or hydrolized protein can be chock full of milk proteins. (and if there are milk proteins, you can count on milk sugars to be there also).

    I had canned tuna on Friday because Lent. Wonders if that is what triggered some shartles on Saturday.

  167. mmm, this hard cranberry is delicious

    That comment was so gay that it refused to shake hands with Mike Pence.

  168. This was years ago when I was a little kid, Pendejo. My mom would drive out there with my sister and me standing on the front bench seat of the car. No seat belts, of course. Only that mom “karate chop” to the gut when she hit the brakes.

    Drinking age was 18. What could go wrong when you had to drive out of town to buy booze?

  169. Drinking age was 18. What could go wrong when you had to drive out of town to buy booze?

    Especially in a college town.

    I moved from Hereford to Odessa in 86. That’s about a 225 mile shot straight down US 385. At that time there was only one wet town along that whole stretch (Dimmit). Now, every single town along the way is wet. Pretty remarkable transformation.

  170. I’ll take my chances
    For romance is
    So important to me
    She’ll never derp me
    She won’t desert me
    She’s an angel sent to me

  171. Last!

  172. Wrong!

  173. Imma make Tues’daww happen.


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