Tuesd’AWWW, WTF Edition

So I’m looking for cute animal pictures, like usual, and run across a lot of things that I’m not sure what they are.

I mean, what the Hell is this thing.

Is that a bunny? With its ears pinned back/ shorn off? I can’t really tell.

And then there’s…whatever the fuck this thing is.

Is that a cat? Some kind of puppy? A weasel? Do weasels play with dried sticks? Does anybody know what this thing is? Is it friendly? Does it carry any diseases that humans can get? Should I feed it? Can I touch it? Does it bite? Etc.

OK, next. I have no idea what is going on here. Just gonna start makin’ shit up.

This is a…Panamanian…Pocket Devil. It eats lint. And tries to sleep in your mouth at night. Causes apnea. Those bi-pap face masks work by keeping it out of there.

Behold, the Lithuanian Tree Gonad. The sylvan Tree ‘Nads are endangered because much of their former leafy habitat has been cut down for sheer spite. Lithuanians are dicks.

This is The Wild Black Cat of Arabia. See how black its whiskers are? This is what makes this cat famous, along with its ability to glide long distances and shock its prey with its electrified tail. Amazing creature.

 

“Oh, look at the cute…” NO. This is some kind of large rat. No, I don’t want any salad. Throw it away. Throw it all away. Contaminated. Fucking disgusting. I can’t believe people make pets out of vermin. It’s so wrong, people. I’d throw this thing down and step on it, instanter.

Daphne’s Lesser Ground Chink. This unusual animal was unfortunately named in a less enlightened age than our own.

Ground Chinks have strong hand-like forefeet and live in burrows under the ground, but they do not dig. Instead, they live in the burrows left behind by other small animals whom the Chink has strangled to death. There is no Greater Ground Chink. Dr. Daphne just really did not think well of these resourceful little creatures.

 

This is a rat in a tree, picking its teeth with a pine needle, to freshen itself up after having contaminated our food supply again. Scott, get the BB gun please baby.

 

This is. A.

OMG I’m calling bullshit. Stoppit. That’s not real. Please.

Have a fine Tuesday, everyone. Crush it and come back here to brag about it. BOOYAH. Love you!

 

 

133 Comments

  1. it’s a good thing i looked this time

  2. Tramp stamp lives one day longer, then its back to screaming babies and cops roughing up Santa Claus.

  3. The header picture, I mean

  4. “Daphne’s Lesser Ground Chink”

    hahahaaa —–

    NO JOB FOR lauraw!!!! at ESPN that is

  5. wakey wakey

  6. Owlbears were invented by a wizard as night-time guards, but the original population got loose and went feral when his keep was assaulted by adventurers.

  7. Cookie dough day. I have to make a pile of cookies. I need to get to this other store early to get stuff for making cakes and fancy treats. I tried yesterday but the line was so long I walked out. Gonna try to be there when they open so I can just go home and cook for the rest of the day.

    I want to make candy with Houseguest toward the end of the week too. Relatively healthy stuff out of coconut butter and bittersweet chocolate. I got my candy molds out the other day. Ready freddie.

  8. Finally got around to yesterday’s pilates video. Hip circles aren’t fun.

  9. Having trouble finding the dried sour cherries from Michigan that I like for making homemade cherry cordials. There weren’t any at the grocery store where I usually find them.

    Maybe try the other place for those too.

  10. Leon, I skipped the exercise where you twist your extended legs to one side and then the other. I felt my lower back start to go “Nuh-uh” right away. I just did the knees-bent version instead. Can’t risk it. Other than that it was pretty good. Gonna try a new video today.

  11. owlbears?

  12. 8 hour drive, then home for the holidays. Had a pleasant but short visit in Ohio, Mrs. Pupster has been missing her people.

  13. That fake animal at the bottom. Looks like a baby long-tailed owlbear.

  14. Safe travels, Puppy. I decorated your house for you so you don’t have to do it when you get back.

  15. I have discovered that there are things called Fruitcake Cookies. I’ve already made a fruitcake from a recipe posted at AoS last year that I kept. It was okay but not like the fruitcakes my mom makes from the recipe written by my Irish grandmother (who probably copied it out of a church bulletin or a magazine).

    Every year my mom makes a fruitcake and my dad and I were the only ones who ate it. As my dad got older and then passed away the portion of fruitcake I got increased over the years. I’d cut it into sections, wrap it in a couple of layers of plastic wrap, tinfoil and then a freezer bag for the chest fridge. I still have 2016 fruitcake down there. I label the bags with the years out of necessity.

    This year my mom went to FL to visit her sister around Thanksgiving which is when I’m off and we make the cake together (I pour the brandy in, very important step). My cousin Kathy bought fruitcakes from an Irish bakery in Boston rather than making one (SCANDAL!) and my mom asked her to get one for me.

    So, between my 2016 fruitcake, fruitcake I got in the mail and the one I made, I should be able to make it to Christmas 2019 on the stuff I have. Unless my mom makes one next Thanksgiving …

    $20 fruitcake

  16. Just learned a new word. Catching up on sports columns describing the overturned Steelers’ TD and implausible NE victory. “End of the schneid” was used to describe the Steelers seeming win.

    Schneid?

    https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=schneid

    I am certain the writer meant the first variation and not the 2nd or 3rd.

  17. Teacher: Use the word in a sentence

    Jimbro: All of Erin’s suitors hope they will be the one to end the schneid

    Teacher: Correct. But you realize they have a snowball’s chance in Hell, right?

  18. I think Chris Berman may have invented it.

  19. Used especially when a long loosing streak is broken

    Genocide. There’s no other reasonable response to this.

  20. “Popularity: It made the official Merriam-Webster dictionary, so it’s a real word, not just made-up sports drivel. But it’s also quite odd. Injected into popular culture by ESPN announcer Chris Berman, the word typically is attributed to a German insult but actually traces its roots all the way back to Old Norse.”

  21. I like fruitcake. My mom’s was awesome.

  22. At the opiod education lecture last night the instructor played this video

    https://is.gd/18C0QE

    (I have no idea what the original song sounds like)

    He has some good ones, not sure if there’s any politics involved but he does cover medical complaints pretty well

    https://is.gd/GVI8tE

  23. Berkshire Hathaway’s A stock is $300,000 per share. In 1980 you could buy a share for $11. Where was my crystal ball when I needed it?

  24. Cold smoked cheese makes great mac-n-cheese.

  25. So many other examples of that Hotspur. Bitcoin less than $100, Ford at under $2, and on and on.

  26. I should have bought F when they almost died.

  27. I had a bunch of Ford stock back in the 90s. I sold it when it hit $5. When it hit $2, I thought I did the smart thing. Dumb as fuck.

  28. If you eat glitter gravy does that mean you’ll have glitter shits?

    https://www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/food/5153283/you-can-get-glitter-gravy-christmas-dinner/

  29. Glitter vomit for the bulemics.

  30. Ahh, Tesco, the WalMart of the UK.

  31. And…..a new category is born.

  32. It’s been a busy morning, but not getting anything done that I need to get done.

    Erin’s gonna end up an old maid if she keeps this up.

  33. More drama on Lapeer Creek?

    Dark Horse stood outside all night with a boombox and a Peter Gabriel CD, didn’t he?

  34. In Your Eyes…

  35. I’m wondering if the guys need to take a hands off approach, to entice the young Erin. A little ignore action.

  36. Pretty much. Or he just needs to buy a motorcycle, drop out of school, and smoke a lot of weed.

  37. Christ, she’s 18. Give her some space.

  38. Either of those options would work.

  39. Hotspur – my concern isn’t that she doesn’t have a boyfriend. My concern is that she is attracted to complete dipshits and assholes, and pushes aside very nice young men.

    Does this suddenly disappear when she turns 19? Often this turns into a disaster.

    It’s not that she ‘doesn’t want to date’. she just is waiting for a(nother) ass to pursue her.

  40. I want to make candy with Houseguest toward the end of the week too. Relatively healthy stuff out of coconut butter and bittersweet chocolate. I got my candy molds out the other day. Ready freddie.

    Got your knife and picture frame?

  41. Rebecca’s Santa presents arrived last night – in boxes almost as big as she is!

    Wrapped them up to take on our trip; we leave tomorrow, so car has been loaded up. Most of the presents were able to be put into larger plain cardboard boxes – less chance of someone trying to steal them (I hope).

    Someone tried to use my debit card to purchase over $1000 at Verizon yesterday. Joke’s on them – that particular account rarely has over $100 at any time (we transfer $$ into it from our main account when we want to purchase gifts). So I get to visit the bank today, which was not on my to-do list until last night….

  42. And, of course, it started raining here early this morning with no indication that the sun will be out today. It’s going to be a cold Christmas in SW Texas this year – the weather at MIL’s house is going to be almost as cold as it is supposed to be here!

  43. Have a safe trip!

  44. Cold means something different, but still the same from each perspective. Although you might have snow, and we don’t. Amazing.

  45. I can’t believe how early it is. Got a lot done already. Something about a bright sunny day.

  46. Overcast and snowing (!) here. I’ve got a little headache and feel tired. Drinking tea with honey and crossing my fingers I don’t get sick.

  47. Yeah, it threatened snow all day yesterday but didn’t deliver. Just raw cold and dark all day. I had so many plans but I was a slug.

  48. Our snow melted.

  49. Erin could find a decent boyfriend if Trump hadn’t ended Net Neutrality.

  50. Her only real chance at happiness died when we pulled out of the Paris Accord.

  51. If repealing Net Neutrality didn’t kill her chances at love, the #GOPTaxScam certainly will.

  52. If only Trump had continued the fiction that Jerusalem wasn’t going to be Israel’s capital.

  53. What if we impeach Trump now? Then Hillary can be president, and Erin can find love.

  54. Naw, she’s too old for Horndog Bill.

  55. If Trump would raise the minimum wage to $15 an hour, I bet she’d find a boyfriend.

    That didn’t have to sell drugs.

  56. That’s what all the cool boys do, though, Car in.

  57. I have that T-shirt, Jay.

    The T-rex is my grandpa’s fatal heart attack at 44.

  58. Pretty sure they just use those are traps to try and rope omnivorous friends into their death cult.

  59. Car in, he’d still sell drugs. Not because he has to, but because he wants to.

  60. Vegan/Vegetarian food cracks me up when they put what it’s supposed to mimic in quotes.

    “Chicken” fingers for example.

  61. “Vegetarian” is an ancient Indian word that means, “I’m trying to hook up with a hippy chick.”

  62. I never understood the mock meat products
    I ‘dated’ a vegetarian chicken chick briefly a few years ago. Vegan hot dogs & hamburgers. And what’s up with Tofurkey?? Yes, some of these girls are crazy but most are just looking for attention. And maybe just trying to fit in.

    I will say that I have my own theory about crazy. It is perfectly OK, but there are rules…

  63. Nothing wrong with skipping meat in a meal. We (certainly me) probably eat too much anyway but I don’t see the need to mimic it in a product disguised to look like meat. Who’s fooling who here? Are they marketing them to vegetarians? Omnivores? Or, to borrow a term from our LGBLT brothers and sisters, Questioning Vegans? Let the food stand on its own without comparison to a known meat from the animal kingdom FFS.

  64. There’s only one rule with crazy.

  65. No meat = not a meal. Snack or dessert, at best.

  66. Crazy can be be a lot of fun, Leon. It’s perfectly acceptable to stick your dick in crazy -you just don’t let crazy know where you live. That is my one rule – at 50, I’m still alive, so it’s served me well.

  67. Poor little poat. You didn’t deserve to die just because Chi wears a disguise to get laid.

  68. Chi takes a taxi to his crazy date’s place. On the trip home he gets dropped off at a busy shopping center a mile or so away to mix in among the crowd and pick up a new outfit.

  69. Uber to get there. Lyft to the bus stop. Taxi to his bike in the locker.

  70. “you just don’t let crazy know where you live.”
    ========

    Crazy will hunt you down…… and make you pay.

  71. Chi’s epitaph….”He fucked with crazy one time too many”.

    Eventually the odds go against you

  72. Shouldn’t have risked it with the red-haired stripper named Tyffani.

  73. Chi has several different sets of fake IDs, wigs, and phony tattoos to use for when he feels ‘romantic.’

  74. One of Chi’s many aliases: Dr. Frank M. Bronner

  75. Crazy will hunt you down…… and make you pay.

    OK. Admittedly I once had a girl throw my toothbrush and socks at me in the local bar at midnight. Yes it was ugly. It was embarrassing. (For her)

    But, man… that was a really fun roller coaster ride while it lasted.
    Who would step off of that kind of ride? Especially when it never stops? Sure – eventually bailing at 100mph was a necessity, but it was a helluva life experience.

  76. Hello assorted weirdos.

  77. Who’s dat?

  78. My balls.

  79. Went out today to run last minute errands. Second time driving after knee replacement.

    Pouring rain + short woman + 2-wheeled walker + big umbrella = Lots of fun for onlookers.

    Although a very kind man saw me exiting a store, and held his umbrella and mine from the store to my van so that I didn’t have to manipulate everything (the store brought my bag out to me at their door). He even told me to go ahead and get in the driver’s seat, shook out the water on my umbrella, and closed it for me.

    Truly, my Angel of the day!

  80. I think we’re about to see another contender. He’s another “friend” who just broke up with his girlfriend.

  81. I think we’re about to see another contender. He’s another “friend” who just broke up with his girlfriend.

    You need to set up the front door with a smoke machine and theme music.

    Maybe a couple of WWE announcers.

  82. At some point all the other girls are gonna wait for Erin in the parking lot…

  83. She’ll be deserving. right now, they’re happy to hang with her and take her rejects. Which is everyone.

  84. Home. Ordered pizza for dinner.

    Judging by the size of the box in the front entryway, somebody went over on the Secret Santa budget.

    Thanks.

  85. When are you coming home, Teresa he asked for no particular reason whatsoever?

  86. We should call the new suitor “Rebound”.

  87. Judging by the size of the box in the front entryway, somebody went over on the Secret Santa budget.
    Thanks.

    It’s a trick. The box actually contains a teen-aged girl with a bit too much self-absorption at the moment.

  88. Shush, Coalex. Don’t ruin the surprise.

    But Puster,you may want to bring it inside and maybe throw some bread and water into the air holes.

  89. We should call the new suitor “Rebound”.

    No … actually former GF was a rebound because his previous gf dumbed him/cheated on him. I think he’s just biding time until he thinks he has a chance with erin.

    Which … foolish boy. I should call him, don’t you think? Maybe his ex will take him back?

  90. We should just name all of them “Victim x”.

    Ian is right. I need to make a sign that just says “turn around now” and put it up on the driveway.

  91. Pffft. Like I’d ever get that lucky in the draw. I would like to rent Erin so Boy1 and 2 could actually learn to talk to a real live girl.

  92. LOL. Pupster, Erin would be good at that. And then they’d both fall helpless in love with her (she can be charming and is nice to almost everyone) and then she’d friend zone them.

    No. It would only end badly.

  93. Carin, go to laddertheory.com . Show it to Erin.

  94. I would like to rent Erin so Boy1 and 2 could actually learn to talk to a real live girl.

    Why would they want to do such a silly thing. Sexbots are the future.

  95. Honestly, Hotspur. I know it. I just can’t convince her.

  96. *watches the grandbaby train leave the station*

  97. Look, Pupster. we just have to believe it’s gonna happen for us.

  98. You’ve got a 100% chance of grandbabies.

    One Hundred Percent.

    Not to put too fine a point on it, but I have 22 and 19 year olds who have never been on a date.

  99. http://www.mlive.com/news/ann-arbor/index.ssf/2017/12/neighbors_back_new_plan_for_sa.html

    We got this project. New owners just took possession today. It’s a fricken masterpiece.

  100. Congrats Hotspur! That should be a fun one.

  101. I didn’t date much until my mid twenties. Have faith, Pupster. Drag their assess to the gym, and get them out doing something that will allow them to meet girls.

  102. Will the Hysterical Society ruin the experience?

  103. No. Council voted last night to deny the historic district designation, based on deed restrictions my clients agreed to in the purchase.
    These are absolutely top notch people, and they will preserve and restore this property without the need for the hysterical antics of the HDC.

  104. Aaaarrrgh, I really don’t understand people. Penelope was reading one of those letters that people include with their Christmas cards. The guy starts talking about his colonoscopy….. JTFC.

  105. Those letters were really popular back in the 70s and 80s. My wife and I would award a prize to the sappiest one, then throw it in the fireplace after Christmas. The others we just put in the garbage.

  106. Pepe, my in-laws had one like that. Tiny black print on dark red paper, detailing diaper changes and potty training.

  107. The only one I have close to that is the post-fundraiser newsletter from a friend who rides in a bikeathon every year. It’s 3 pages of details, down to how much water and Gatorade he drank and the mile marker where he ate a banana and a granola bar.

  108. We should write a newsletter for next Christmas.

  109. One ambitious person sends the annual update in verse every year. Very very bad verse. Cringeworthy.

  110. Pupster- I’ll make you an honorary grandparent should it happen,but right now I ain’t getting any younger . Plus if Sean can do it anyone can.

  111. Right behind acock.

  112. Made it safely to Oregon.

  113. xb – did you use your white privilege to get there

  114. My Uber driver to the airport was a black guy, so yeah, pretty much.

  115. What’s in Oregon? Other than hippies, I mean.

  116. “Brazen couple spotted having sex on SHEEP statue in middle of city centre could face jail time if caught”
    http://tinyurl.com/ycvegv5q

    didn’t know xb was in new zealand

    “”They were having sex on the sheep. I reckon it was a dare or something. I remember thinking ‘what a legend’.”

  117. Visiting family here. My niece and her brood.

    We’re in a weird spot, right on the edge between hipster and hillbilly.

  118. “Pretty damn amazing…”

    and round and round it goes

  119. Where in Oregon?

  120. Just south of McMinnville.

  121. Ok, cool. Yeah, you would be right on the edge of hipster and hillbilly out there.

  122. Oh man, write the H2 Christmas Letter. Sounds like a new contest. Really

  123. 22 and 19 year olds who have never been on a date

    Just wow. I’m no Casanova, but, wow.

  124. I don’t have any thoughts whatsoever on car in’s boobs.

  125. More recipes?

  126. Before her love
    I was cruel and mean
    I had a hole in the place
    Where my derp should have been
    But now I’ve changed
    And it feels so strange
    I come alive when she does
    All those things to me


Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.

Comments RSS