Weekend Advice


  1. *scroll scroll scroll scroll*

  2. 51. Check the oil in your lawnmower every once in a while

  3. 52. Tip your server accordingly.

  4. 53. Eat Ham

  5. 54. Read the Hostages blog.

  6. 55. Always sanitize your bullwhips.

  7. Some may find Trump saying, “And we’re going to be saying Merry Christmas! again” as pandering and trivial, but to me it isn’t at all. It was one of those things that was systematically diminishing my Holidays, my Holy days and my joy. It was a way for the left to make religion “smaller” in this country and it mattered because it obviously mattered to the lefties, atheists and muslims.

  8. 56. Show up on time.

  9. Guard Weekend. Possum woke up too early again and was very sad that there were no books to greet her on waking.

    Welcome to my world, kid.

  10. Black Friday matters more to leftists than Christmas.

  11. Dammit, boobs, not books. Phoneposting sucks.

  12. Hillary Clinton is proof that God loves Trump.

    No matter the situation, she makes him seem like a good choice. She can’t seem to respond to any normal human situation without being totally disingenuous.

    This is Hillary forever and always:

  13. 57, Always have the onions removed from your salads.

  14. hahahahah…..So true, MJ. That’s Hillary.

  15. 58. Don’t eat a lot of sugar and take care of your teeth.

  16. ^That’s advice from my horse avatar.

  17. 59. Floss.

  18. 60. Learn to cook at least one good meal you can feed to other people.

  19. Don’t worry Leon, things get better.


  20. https://is.gd/6uLjNk

  21. HA! Pups, on both those links.

  22. No it doesn’t, Pupster. Don’t try to comfort me with pretty lies. The rest of my life is all downhill from here.

  23. https://is.gd/L0ofJB

  24. Leon is dark this morning.

    soccer game in the rain. bbl

  25. https://is.gd/tnFJHe

  26. I tried to watch the Meyerowitz Stories on Netflix last night. It’s inane bullshit. HotBride and I couldn’t make it through the first episode.

    First of all, I think Adam Sandler is a dope. But I discovered that Dustin Hoffman is an even bigger dope. I lost brain cells watching that shit.

  27. I needed more sleep and so did the little one. It leaves you morose.

    It rained earlier, so of course dipshit neighbor is out weedwhacking.

  28. I need to make sure I sell this place to some truly obnoxious people with a lot of ATVs.

  29. Or a Pomeranian breeder. That’d be perfect.

  30. Date last night. It went well, but I doubt she’ll want a second one.

  31. The current greenback will be diluted to worthlessness when needed and then we’ll switch again.
    Pardon me, gotta go look up how to liquidate my 401k so I can buy more land.

    And when things go tits up and you can’t afford the property tax on that land, the Brown Shirts will swoop in and remove you from it.

  32. Why the doubt, Alex?

    She just not into smart guys with a future? It’s the beard isn’t it?

    By the way, Sean was looking pretty darn good in his snowman costume.

  33. Roamy is incredibly awesome. She is having a Mass said for my Mother on All Souls Day no less. It was so sweet and made me happy to think others will be praying for my Mother.

  34. The first coat of poly is down!

    This nightmare will be over in about 6 hours.

  35. Grumpypants is darling!

  36. Re: snowman costume.
    At first I thought the headpiece was an Injun feather – not the filth some derelicts around here implied – but the kid didn’t color in the whole hat. Silly kid.
    You’re a handsome paper snowman, sean.

  37. ICE YOUR ARM, SCOTT!!! (in six hours)

  38. Scott, can you show pics when you’re done?

  39. I should have take before pics.

  40. Keeping land you live on is easier than keeping money that the government promised not to take, Beasn, if only because it’s tough to set traps and sniper nests around a bank account.

  41. Neighbor asked about my fence move again while I was outside with Possum. We’re at week 12 of 8 weeks I was told to expect, and he still owes me a phone call and a fence. One more call from me on Tuesday, then lawyer time if he hasn’t called by Friday.

  42. Having crappy neighbors is the worst. I shared a duplex with one back in Worcester during my residency. The guy I bought it from was forthright about them and sold it to me cheap. As did I when it was my time to move on.

  43. So supposedly the Mandalay security guard is not registered to be a security guard in NV.
    Wanna bet he either had something to do with it or he and ‘the house’ kept quiet (the six minute lapse) about being shot because he’s an illegal and worried more for his status than anything the guy with the gun was doing. And if the Sheriff has a history of not complying with fed immigration authorities, certainly he would want the status of illegal boy quiet because imagine the fallout if it were found out he was another shooter…or a cowardly illegal who could have prevented some of those deaths. Gotta keep the casino boss’ wheels greased and your own.

    I do not trust the FBI, dirty sheriffs, and greedy casino owners.

  44. *reads some background on released Canadian, probably jihadi-in-training*

    Gets irritated. Dude should have been left on the Pakistani tarmac.

  45. Neighbor still smokes and has the cough of man with early-stage COPD, he doesn’t have more than a decade of annoyance left in him. I was willing to wait him out, but now I don’t have to. After the fence is moved, I’m not leaving anything behind for the new owners but a guy obsessed with a nice lawn.

  46. Beasn, there is a new timeline and the 6 minute lapse is gone.

  47. I’m sure all of the ten Americans who watch soccer will care.

  48. Mare,

    She’s a Berkley-educated lib.

  49. Beasn, there is a new timeline and the 6 minute lapse is gone.

    How convenient. How many times is this timeline going to change? And why isn’t the security guard registered in NV?

  50. I like the way leon thinks

  51. ” it’s tough to set traps and sniper nests around a bank account.”
    Yes, plus since wealth is essentially computer records, it can all be taken remotely. Try getting it back from an anonymous bureaucrat.

  52. Okay, off to find something to wear for a wedding I don’t want to attend. Something easy to put on and take off. Something black and slimming.

  53. Or even knowing who took it.

    Plowing all the cash into real estate and infrastructure doesn’t seem all that crazy to me.

  54. Something easy to put on and take off.


  55. ‘Sup, fags?

  56. That woman is a cunt. And a liar. And a crook. And a hypocrite.

  57. I like the way Hotspur thinks.

  58. She sure does have a lot of perverts in her life.

    Bill, Jeffrey Epstein, Harvey Weinstein, Anthony Weiner……..

  59. We’re old. Movies starting at 9:30 are too late.


    But in my defense- I have to be up early to drive Erin 2 hours away for a soccer game. I’ll be visiting … Jackson MI tomorrow.

    Leave at 8, get there at 10, game at 11, finish at 1, home again by 3.

    That’s my sunday.

  60. Late to the list here, but:

    69. 69

  61. She sold her soul for power.

    Back during the election one of my reasons for not voting for Hillary! was that she’d spent the last 40 years pursuing the Presidency. A person doesn’t devote their entire life to that goal and not make moral compromises, not work with scum.

  62. True^

  63. Crap. It needs one more coat.

    Day 12 will be the end of it.

  64. It’s a little-known fact that Adlai Stevenson drank the blood of six children every day.

  65. I did not know that.

  66. I did. I read it in The Big Pop-Up Book of Adlai Stevenson Facts.

    My parents liked to show their hatred of be at Christmas time.

  67. Ugh. That little tab you would pull, and then the chalice full of blood would go toward his mouth….

  68. Worse was the The Big Pop-Up Book of Bill Clinton Facts, but I couldn’t buy it until I turned 18.

  69. https://is.gd/MkZ3hn

  70. http://tinyurl.com/ybdthkyk

  71. Who thought it would be a good idea to have baseball, college football, and hockey on the same weekend?

  72. Your Mom?

  73. Sorry, I don’t even know what that means, but it just always seems appropriate here.

  74. Leon, earlier, you were talking about that crappy neighbor of yours that’s obsessed with his lawn. Remember when I posted a pic of my neighbor that uses his gas blower 4 to 5 times per day – sun, snow, rainstorm, whenever?


    Well, his wife sent me a text this evening: “I found what I’m getting Eddie for Christmas from Landon (their son). He won’t have to wear trash bags anymore!”


    I laughed so hard I almost peed myself.

  75. You didn’t take Mare with you, did you Oso? She’s not great with spectator sports.


  76. I had to get another blanket from housekeeping. I don’t understand why humidity makes the temps seem colder. Dan is waiting out the thunderstorms at Twin Peaks. I don’t think I packed warm enough clothing for October football in MO. Lauraw…your mom is always the answer!!

  77. Shelter at twin peaks.

  78. Yeah, I’m not buying it, either

  79. Scott, you should watch the Astros. Altuve is exciting.

  80. Where’s mj? Squeakhole is here.

  81. Where in MO are you, Oso?

  82. Missed Oso by a few days. Home again, home again, jiggity jig.

    Had to share this. Haven’t caught up yet, so please forgive if a repeat.

  83. Yay! Lapeer Creek is back on! I was worried I’d have to settle for some CW shows instead…

  84. Man, I missed a few episodes of Lapeer Creek and now I feel like I’ll never get caught up.

  85. heh, had to educate some Cub fans on how the calls really go.

    They actually thought the blocking the plate call wouldn’t overturn the Dodgers winning run scoring.

    Also called Maddon getting tossed.

  86. It was great to see you roamy. So glad you stopped!

  87. Last night they revealed that the whole thing was the fantasy of some autistic kid sitting in a waiting room.

  88. What a fucking cop-out. Stupid lazy writers.

  89. His teachers didn’t understand,
    They kicked him out of school at a tender early age,
    Just because he didn’t want to learn things
    He had other interests
    He liked to derp things!

  90. Wakey wakey.

    WHo wants to spend 4 hours in a car with me to watch Erin play soccer in the rain?

  91. Sounds exciting.

  92. Good luck to Erin and her team

  93. Tell her to kick some ASS!!

  94. Jackon’s only about an hour from me, Possum might like it. When’s the game?

  95. She might actually kind of hate another long car ride, though.

  96. Upside: If nothing goes sideways, I move into my own apartment in #twoweeks.

    Downside: Aw shit, I gotta pack and move shit again?

  97. Great Brother Cavil! So dad’s estate and what not is settled and money issue is not strangling you?

  98. That finally resolved in August/September. The last delay was (a) checks clearing and (b) a month and a half of medical issues, including a recurrence of kidney stones and a UTI that got so out of hand I was in hospital for a few days early last month. I’ve been scoping out options for the last few weeks and finally pulled the trigger yesterday.

  99. I need to see if I can get my builders to do the pole barn first. I can get a small flatbed and move a lot of our stuff early.

  100. Best wishes for an easy move, Cavil.

  101. Sorry Leon I was driving. Game at 11.

    We have a tournament in wixom next month- is that close?

  102. She played great yesterday. I don’t know how much sleep she got last night, do we’ll see how today goes

  103. My sympathy, BrotherCavil, on the kidney stones. I’ve had ’em twice, wouldn’t wish them on anyone.

  104. Looks like a little over a half hour, Carin. That could work. Let me know the day.

  105. I think we’re going through the “living on noth ing but love and air” time now. She doesn’t want to eat anything but a few bites of bread and white chocolate Reeses cups.

  106. Jay, we were watching Cubs – Dodgers when that play happened and Paula was livid at the announcers repeatedly saying it was the right call but it wasn’t right in the spirit of the game or some such bullshit. Of course I disagreed with the announcers too, just not so vehemently. Her point was that if blocking home plate was legal and everyone was fine with it they should also be okay with the runner going in spikes up to take out the catcher.

    Part of my love for this woman is her sports IQ. She knows way more than me in most sports especially baseball and basketball from playing them back in school.

  107. Second that on the kidney stones Cavil. Once was enough for me to never want them again.

  108. I finally watched 10 Cloverfield Lane last night. Kind of creepy. Did not see the ending coming so I guess that’s something

  109. We finally figured out why our dog Star is so crabby all the time and she stinks. She was buried in the Pet Semetary and came back.

  110. *Gropes Ben Affleck

  111. *receives cease and desist letter from Matt Damon’s lawyer

  112. Weekend of the12th Leon. Indoor I’m pretty sure.

  113. I lived in Wixom in ’87. Only place I’ve lived where the fog got so thick you could barely see the car in front of you.

  114. good luck with the kidney stone thing and the move BroCav

  115. I just made a charcuterie plate with free stuff from Mrs. Pupster’s werk, they have potential new vendors drop off samples, this week it was goat cheese packed in olive oil and rosemary, kalamata olives, cracked black pepper wafers, dried cranberries from the expired food bin and leftover meats from the last couple of dinners. It’s on the table if anybody not named Nessie wants some.


  117. *viking horn*

  118. I WANT SOME, Pups!

  119. *dumps plate into green shopping bag*


  120. *swings by pups place*
    *swipes a bunch of snacks*

  121. i’ve got a bunch of unmotivated girlscouts stopping by to work on their silver award project this evening….

    they’re building a park bench replete with routered inscription –
    oh boy

    fun fun fun

  122. That’s exactly what I’d do, Pups!

  123. Finished the regular (?) season 18-4. First place by 2 games.

    Next week, playoffs begin.

    We were short players, so wiserdaughter pkayed. She’s not totally sure how things work on a softball field. So we put her behind the plate.

    I explained to her what to do to avoid getting hit by the bat and other stuff. Went back to the mound and turn around see the umpire also giving her some advice. While he was talking to her, he put up his hand to indicate a pause in play.

    So she reached up and slapped his hand, thinking he was looking for a high-five.

    Everyone was dying.

  124. Ha! That’s funny.

  125. Mini-me helped me with my shopping list. Milk, bread, salad fixings, duct tape, 5 gallons of lighter fluid (no questions asked), a spearhead, chicken livers, 2 cinderblocks, 8 balls of baby blue yarn, a dozen Krispy Kreme doughnuts, a pirate flag, a demented panda mask, and full-fat yogurt.

  126. High-fiving the ump, good one.

  127. This seems like a perfectly reasonable shopping list to me. The only things I see missing are Duke’s Mayo, hotsauce, Zippo flints and pierogies.

  128. Hannah sent me a shopping list. Nothing funny on it. I had to ask her what Reece’s puffs were. Its apparently a cereal.

  129. I just got back from the store. Whole milk, cauliflower, white chocolate, cane sugar, puffed beef lung, and a Monster Zero Carb.

  130. I hope puffed beef lung isn’t another breakfast cereal.

  131. My trips to the store today consisted of returning 54 cans ($5.40), 3 – 150w halogen lamps, and a can of metallic gold spray paint.

  132. Dog treats, Chi. Like rawhide but doesn’t cut into the gums on our older guy.

  133. Huh. I’ve never seen those. I’ll have to look.
    The oddest dog treat I’ve come across were Bully Sticks (steer penis).

  134. 70. Make a list

  135. KC’s running back Kareem Hunt, just featured in a graphic with his name abbreviated K. Hunt.

    I hope Oso is a fan of special team play.

  136. He should change his first name to Mike.

  137. Mini-me helped me with my shopping list. Milk, bread, salad fixings, duct tape, 5 gallons of lighter fluid (no questions asked), a spearhead, chicken livers, 2 cinderblocks, 8 balls of baby blue yarn, a dozen Krispy Kreme doughnuts, a pirate flag, a demented panda mask, and full-fat yogurt.
    Hahahahahaha. That’s awesomely hilarious.

  138. I spent most of the day holding a baby. He has acne and all of the other kids in high school are going to pick on him.

  139. The scalp acne fades fast.

  140. I just installed a U. S. Navy ship’s bell on the porch post outside the sunroom.

  141. When does the porch set sail?

  142. It’s in permanent dry dock. The bell is for calling people to dinner when we have parties.

  143. It was installed on the side porch of a house I bought in 1985. I removed it when I rebuilt the porch, and it’s been kicking around ever since. I finally decided it needed to be recommissioned.

  144. When’s dinner?

  145. HotBride is preparing it now. Probably about 7. Bring wine. I like chardonnay.

  146. Wife delayed getting back from base. I have to stay up late and get a few hours’ work done on Project Parole, so this is unfortunate.

    A paying customer asked for a feature update. Now we just need a few hundred more customers and I won’t have to sell services anymore, just develop product.

  147. If you teach him to kick ass properly, they’ll only pick on him once

  148. If you teach him the preemptive strike, he’ll never get picked on.

  149. Roamy!! Excellent list. Made me lol in my pants!

  150. Hey MJ, get one now while you still can.

  151. MJ, I’ve been gone a bit and I would love to see your baby!!

    I’m sorry I’ve dicked around so long before asking.

  152. A buddy of mine got sucker punched when I was in the Navy. He suffered permanent brain damage.

  153. The only reason to do it is if you’re pretty sure it’s about to be done to you. The book covers the ethics and legal ramifications.

  154. MJ, I think Mare wants you to invite her to visit you.

  155. 71. Don’t watch the NFL.

  156. MJ, can have his ass here any time he wants. But ONLY his ass.

  157. Teach him that it’s better to be a lover, not a fighter. So fuck their moms as revenge.

  158. Oh, scratch that, I read it wrong. hahahahahaha

  159. Today started out horrible weather wise, and just got worse and worse as the day went on.

    People on facedouche got to see our Lapeer Creek star drenched and in the pouring rain playing soccer.

  160. What hasn’t been talked about a lot, is the courageous Catholics/Christians of Poland, tens of thousands of them went to their own border en masse to pray about saving their country; To keep it Christian. They DO NOT WANT muslim immigrants. Why would they? The lack of assimilation they see in the EU has convinced them they don’t want the crime, rapes, mosques, filth and bullshit. God bless them all.

  161. Let Saudi Arabia take muslim immigrants. All of them. They’re a rich country, have at it.

  162. When I see certain streets of Paris filled with mattresses and third world garbage I want to puke. They deserve it, they elected the leaders that allowed it, but my gosh, the art, the cathedrals, the architecture that will inevitably be lost. Utter shame.

    I hope someone courageous will write a history book which includes Obama’s, Jarrett’s and Power’s roll of negligence that caused the migration of muslims throughout Europe.

    Damn them to hell.

  163. Arab Spring? Eff you, you piece of shit.

  164. Now, in other news, I had a wonderful day with my daughter and husband. Life is good and I’m a fortunate person.

    No more screeds. For tonight.

  165. Greetings, people who are actually experiencing something called Autumn.

  166. The irony of the next century will be cheering along when Austria and Poland invade Germany to liberate the natives.

  167. Dog day in the NFL. Underdogs covered 9 of 11 games.

    7 of them winning outright.

  168. Sean, you looked pretty handsome in your snowman costume. Wear it on dates for sure. Who could resist?

  169. People on facedouche got to see our Lapeer Creek star drenched and in the pouring rain playing soccer.

    Sure, sure. But will I get more pictures of Moose if I friend request you?

  170. Dog day in the NFL. Underdogs covered 9 of 11 games.

    A continuation of NCAAF from Saturday. Washington and Washington State both got beat by inferior teams. SoCal was a cunt hair away from doing likewise. Syracuse over Clempppson?

    Caucasian, please!!!!!!!!

  171. “puffed beef lung,”

    i assume they were out of magic dragon parts

  172. ” experiencing something called Autumn.”

    it was a college thing….

    i’m sure she sends her regards

  173. Washington and Washington State both got beat by inferior teams.

    Up yours.

    Go Bears.

  174. Yes, coalex

  175. Sean, who do you want in the World Series?

  176. Can confirm.

  177. I want the Cubs and Not The Yankees.

  178. Good post at Ace’s, MJ.

    You’re not the daddy douche GND says you are in her secret emails.

  179. Those secret texts, tho…

  180. The Philadelphia Eagles are 5-1.

  181. How wonderful to see MCPO. How horrible to see him commenting on viewing the NFL.
    But I still really miss him!

  182. Iggles.

  183. I watched football all day. First time this year.

    It was my first day off in a while and I was too beat to do anything else.

  184. The Crimson Tide is 7-0.

  185. Who here hates MJ? He’s busy with anew baby so he posts at the mothership?


  186. Different MJ.

  187. Have sex instead.

  188. To be fair, his “post” was mostly just quotes from someone else’s article. He didn’t even add any SWAT team rape gifs or YouTube videos of music that almost everyone would hate.

  189. Car in, if he just gave you the baby then he’d have time to post here. Win-win.

  190. Long day. I’ve had patients die on me while doing clinicals, but this was my first time as a real nurse. He was aged and terminal, and it was his time. Nurses and aides watched him like a hawk and tag-team sat with him continually during his last hours. These ladies will not let you die alone! The guy finally let go literally within seconds after a family member showed up and sat down. He was waiting for her.

  191. Beautiful, Lauraw. I experienced this recently.

  192. We better get a fund raiser going to keep LauraW supplied with empathy. Sounds like she’s gonna need an extra dose to keep her going every once in a while. I can’t imagine how emotionally taxing it is to be around when people die on a regular basis.

  193. It’s really not taxing, when it’s a very ancient person with multiple total health breakdowns and no quality of life. You cry, but that is mainly about our mortality, and his loving family’s loss. There’s no painful injustice to contend with, as when a young person passes away.

    Similarly, when my father’s mom died at a very old age, her wake became a party for relatives who hadn’t seen each other in years.

    I have been to a young person’s funeral, and I do not recommend it.

  194. Nurses and aides watched him like a hawk and tag-team sat with him continually during his last hours. These ladies will not let you die alone!

    You’re doing God’s work.

  195. I had something I was going to write as a lengthy preamble to tomorrow’s MMM, but I’m drawing a complete blank right now, so it’s going to be left terse unless it pops back into my head.

  196. I love the show, The Brave.

    The show, Seal Team, is such verbal shit I couldn’t watch more than 4 mi utes.

  197. That’s too bad, mare. I’ve always liked David Boreanaz.

  198. Me too, Sean. When my husband and I thought it would be similar we were let down that when we watched it…dialogue between Boneraze and whomever, we literally couldn’t understand WTF they were saying. As in, “I don’t know what they are saying!”

  199. Did you try turning up the volume? Try turning up the volume.

  200. No, instead we said, “ try turning up good writing and action!”

  201. Well, it is definitely a contra dance, because I count three dudes in skirts and one old guy with a beard wearing a full floral dress.

  202. I was looking through the pics from my trip. Seeing Rocketboy is of course #1, and having dinner with Jay and Mrs. Jay was awesome, but the memory that is sticking with me is the sunset on the prairie. Pic didn’t turn out well enough to convey the panoramic view of the sunlight fading over the horizon, without trees or hills blocking. A perfectly flat line of low dark clouds added to the sense that the world was shutting its eyes for the night.

  203. Yeah, we’re runnin’ a little bit hot tonight
    I can barely see the road from the heat comin’ off of it
    Ah, you reach down, between my legs
    Ease the derp back

  204. 71. Never trust a fart over 50

  205. Eleventy11. Fin

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