I Got Nothing

Drawing a blank at the post topic machine. It’s as if I have writer’s cramp in my brain. Topics like teenage romance, genital mutants, hairless male models, protesting libtards, felines fornicating in closets, gardening and recipes have all been covered.

I refuse to post zit popping videos Here, let’s try a little schadenfreude

That was all kinds of funny. While watching that video the phrase “Who’s the laughinest laugher now?” went through my head several times

You want more Trump? ‘Cus this is how you get More Trump!

Not the first time America has elected a former actor to the White House.

Favorite dieting schemes are a frequent topic and while I try to just eat less crap food and enjoy a varied diet I could lose a few pounds. Alright, several. One strategy is looking at fat people and realizing if I ate a steady diet of donuts and sugar laden soda pop I could share their physique. That’s a powerful motivating tool. That and the desire not to buy a new wardrobe every year or so

tenor

1251973564_fat_chick_softball

14

tumblr_mq17xnbpon1stya2to1_400

brtrb

[Mandatory Legal Disclaimer: No fatties were harmed making this post]

There, I’m feeling thinner already! Now, where’s my SNAKE JUICE at? Have a great Thursday. Mellow day so far for me as I write this but that can always change. I hope everyone is having a good week so far and the nattering nabobs of negativism are not keeping you down.

 

thor-body-knocker-500

 

 

152 Comments

  1. NKOTB is my vote for the Dark Horse Moose Lover (DHML) sniffing around Carin’s house looking to make time with Erin

  2. Can somebody translate Jimbro’s comment? Where’s Oso? She speaks acronym jive.

  3. Ha! I stole it from an Oso comment

    NKOTB = New Kid(s) On The Block

  4. Nice poot bro-j

  5. If he’s been molesting Moose, Carin needs to call the cops. And a dog psychiatrist.

  6. Thanks Jam. I was cracking up laughing at the results of my “fat people fail gif” search results. There are so many to look through. Some of them look super painful. I tried to get the one where the lady climbing a ladder takes out a line of kids climbing behind her but it wouldn’t load properly

  7. This one

    https://is.gd/VjrRq6

  8. Couldn’t find a gif on this one

    https://is.gd/HpVtLt

  9. I’m shocked at the fat hatred in this post and comments. You body shaming sunsabeechness.

  10. Wakey wakey.

    I like NKOTB, but he’s not really new. He was actually here first. Moose Lover has questionable tones to it. I think maybe Dark Horse is most accurate. Maybe he’s been playing longball.

    He was here for two hours last night. Maybe he was just being a friend. We’ll see.

  11. And obviously his Moose love is to insure he is accepted by the family. I’m pretty sure it’s consensual, but Moose is usually up for anything.

    (Dark Horse slept on the floor of my house several times this summer, and moose cuddles right up to him)

  12. The bull machine is my favorite fatty gif from the choices.

  13. Everyone one of those people who so haughtily declared that Trump wouldn’t be the nominee /president needs to be punched in the face. They have a TONE as if they are deciders.

    fuck them.

  14. Did I mention I went to the dentist yesterday? Well … it had been a while. It’s been tough for us economically for a loong time (and kids came first), but things are finally easing up so Pay made me an appointment.

    There was much scraping involved. I was spitting out things I shouldn’t have had in my mouf. My teeth feel weird now – he says that’s what teeth are supposed to feel like, but I’m not convinced just yet.

    Good news, no damage by my years of dentist -visiting neglect. I got back to get the uppers scraped in a few weeks,and then I’m good to go.

  15. the baseball face plant gif is hilarious –
    some of the others make me cringe thinking of the possibility of real disaster for the goofs involved – the agility bars in the ground one could have ended poorly; gravity is a harsh mistress and she loves her some physics (F=ma)

  16. A word of warning on the snake juice…he has a later video where he changes the recipe, dropping the potassium and apple cider vinegar because you will ooze it out of your anus for days. Would have been good to know on Monday for me. I did a 48 hour fast on the original recipe and LEAKAGE.

  17. i did a 48 hour fast – (no snake juice – just water and hot tea in the morning)
    had ribs and chicken (on the grill) tuesday evening
    nothing yesterday.

    my wife complained that I did not smell user friendly and that I needed to reconsider this diet thing when i’m traveling to customer sites.

    it’s gonna have to be weekend fasting i guess

  18. no leakage

  19. I was spitting out things I shouldn’t have had in my mouf

    Xbrad, I believe you’re up.

  20. Can summarize the snake diet for me and why ?

  21. pup you could start a line of snake juice accessories –

    snake juice diapers
    butt plugs (Bedazzled, Custom contoured, Plated, etc)

  22. I’m not really a fatty … so is there any reason ? Just to add to my fasting, I assume.

  23. Leon linked it a while ago Carin. It’s a guy who addresses his audience as “Hey Fattie!” and advocates fasting for various lengths of time while drinking what he calls snake juice. Spring water, pink salt, KCl, apple cider vinegar and lemon juice.

    He did briefly mention using Bragg’s ACV with the mother in it and cautioned about using too much at first for anal leakage reasons.

    Curious about the potassium change. Messing around with potassium is potentially dangerous and advising people to supplement with it while fasting might have earned him a call from a lawyer.

  24. i only watched part of the snake juice guys’ tirade –

    he’s a humorous little canuck

    i didn’t get to the juice recipe part

  25. So, what is the change? No potassium in the later recipes?

  26. Speaking of not smelling user friendly, good morning, fatties.

  27. Morning lazy fat-blog.

  28. I emailed Pupster’s comment to Ace. I really didn’t like to see all that potassium salt in the recipe. That snake diet guy seems like someone who understands just enough about biochemistry to be dangerous, quite literally.

  29. I’m going to try a 48 hour fast soon, but I’m going to prepare a ton of real broth for it. For electrolytes during a fast, my gut assumption is that absolutely nothing you can concoct will beat what leaches out of bones and connective tissue.

    Need to go buy a crate of chicken backs or beef bones and do them up in my pressure canner.

    Man, what a perfect day today. 70, breezy, blue sky. A sheer delight.

    I’m going to bake an apple pie and feel happy in my pants.

  30. Not sure Carin. I bet Pups knows. He used NuSalt or something like that as the potassium component. Advising people to supplement with potassium is a risky business.

    http://www.webmd.com/diet/supplement-guide-potassium#1

    Scroll to the bottom

  31. Hef es mort! I guess all the preservatives finally wore off. I guess the mansion can finally get the cleansing and remodel it so desperately needs.

    Not sure the mag will long survive him, and frankly, that may be for the best.

  32. So maybe just drop the potassium? I’m really just thinking of supplementing my fasting, not doing the snake diet per say. I don’t think I’d really want to “live” with such a strict manner of eating – but I do get that longer fast, shorter eating windows are awesome. But I’m not a fatty, and I have a family – so sacrifices will have to be made. Lauraw says bone broth instead of this snake concoction?

  33. per se

  34. What would we do w/o hotspur?

  35. This place would be a standardless shithole in no time.

    *looks around*

    wait…

  36. Let’s find out!

    *where’s the ban button?

  37. I don’t appreciate all the fat jokes today. I’m trying to think up the proper pronoun to refer to it. Give me a bit.

  38. Wiser stole the ban hammer a few years back. Dick.

  39. Someone would just take his place.

    I prefer the bastard we know.

  40. Can we trade him in for his wife? She’s way funnier and has a better accent.

  41. My bad, he said put the salt on your food, not in the snake juice, still recommends the potassium in the juice.

  42. Nice job, Jimbro.

    I especially liked the cameo vid. I was watching when the Donald took out Vince MacMahon on WWE Raw for the Hostile takeover. Yuge!

  43. No.

  44. Dear fatties everywhere: I’m guessing no one held a gun to your head.

  45. MJ’s personality test.

  46. I propose we make Fat Shaming an Olympic Sport!

  47. Ok, we’ve gone from BOILING hot to cold.

    I’m sure it’s not “cold” cold out there, but I’m freezing in my house. It was literally 92 up here the other day.

  48. Same here. Yesterday was 93. This morning it was 60.

    FUALGORE

  49. I went out to play frisbee with Rowan in shorts and a t-shirt and noticed the cool air right away. The AC was busted at work yesterday in just my building and it was a hot day out there. It made the day of seeing smelly teens and kids just a little worse than it already was to begin with.

  50. It’s 54.

  51. Mare, do you think Michelle Obama shaves “her” balls?

  52. I guess it’s time to put away the short sleeve shirts.

  53. One more week!!!!!!!
    http://bladerunnermovie.com/

  54. Scott is making smoked mac & cheese on the grill today. This is terribly exciting. He bought special cheeses and everything. I am not allowed to conduct kitchen activities until he is done. It feels like being evicted of my own castle, but hopefully it’s worth it.

    If it’s good I am going to break out the three-hole punch and add it to the Recipe Binder.

  55. I’m positive that my life is too exciting for you people.

  56. He’s angry because grating that much cheese by hand sucks, especially with my crappy grater.

    I sense a small cuisinart appliance in my future.

  57. No offense guys, but you all are a bunch of fuckin’ douchebags.

  58. Is there any raclette involved?

  59. I’ve been doing recon on DH. I’ve got bupkis so far.

    He has no social media signature.

  60. No. I don’t think either one of us has ever had Raclette.

    From wiki:

    Raclette is also a dish indigenous to parts of Switzerland.[5] The raclette cheese round is heated, either in front of a fire or by a special machine, then scraped onto diners’ plates; the term raclette derives from the French word racler, meaning “to scrape”, a reference to the fact that the melted cheese must be scraped from the unmelted part of the cheese onto the plate.
    Traditionally the melting happens in front of an open fire with the big piece of cheese facing the heat. One then regularly scrapes off the melting side. It is accompanied by small firm potatoes (Bintje, Charlotte or Raclette varieties), gherkins, pickled onions, and dried meat, such as jambon cru/cuit, salami, and viande des Grisons, and to drink, Kirsch, herbal tea or Fendant (wine from the Chasselas grape).

    We have to do this at the next meetup. With Mostly Peaceful Protest instead of a campfire.

  61. That means he’s sneaky, Carin. You might have to find his username by stalking Erin’s other friends.

  62. God bless a food processor with a cheese grater attachment.

  63. Don’t you think I tried that?

  64. I don’t think he’s sneaky. NB was sneaky. This guy’s more Captain America-ish.

  65. Sorry, I understand I’m an obvious pain in the ass that way sometimes. I guess direct interrogation is contraindicated, eh?

  66. My palette is unable to process more than 2 cheeses simultaneously and Lord knows I’ve tried

  67. What does raclette taste like? Is it similar to regular swiss cheese?

  68. palate (in before Hotspur)

  69. I can put a ton of cheeses on my plate, but then I’ve got big dishes.

  70. Next up on Hostage talk….. Cheese induced Constipation and how to counter act it….stay tuned

  71. I’m pretty sure we covered that upthread with the ACV in snake juice. Try to keep up.

  72. The “mother” does the cheese block destroying

  73. Cheese does not ever cause me to constipate. It causes a tsunami of epic propulsions.

  74. Oh yeah, palate!

    “A colorful palette of cheeses spread on a plate tempts my palate”

    What would we do without Laura?

  75. Car in, is there a picture of NKOTB anywhere? I thought NB looked a little like one of the hollywood Coreys.

  76. I’d like to see Maher bring back that panel of deniers and Coulter to rehash election night.

  77. I used a secret venue to respond, Beasn.

  78. “What would we do without Laura?”
    Sleep with both eyes closed?

  79. *runs

  80. My youngest though NB looked a little like a molester. He also thought he was a douche. I just spoke with Hannah and she also didn’t like him.

    So NONE of erin’s siblings liked him. Perhaps we should let them in on the admission process next time?

  81. I thought snake juice is what your Mom guzzles.

  82. *changes name, address, sex, hairstyle, dob

  83. My youngest though NB looked a little like a molester.

    Going to look again, but he reminded me of either Corey Feldman or Corey Haim.

  84. Thanks Car in! He’s got a more honest face. Do your other kids like him as much as Moose does?

  85. Dogs are a good judge of character.

  86. …looked a little like one of the hollywood Coreys.

    Now see, I thought you were talking about Jeff Corey, not the adolescent Coreys with different last names…

    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeff_Corey

  87. Mare! http://tinyurl.com/y7exadw3

  88. In case anyone is watching the game between ISU and Texas tonight:

    If you see ISU kneeling before the game, it’s not in protest. It’s a gameday ritual

  89. Carin, maybe you can encourage getting more feedback from the sibs if you tell them how awful it is to have a douche-in-law in the family.

    Nobody in my family liked my douche-in-law, but nobody came clean with my sister while they were dating, and then of course not until she finally divorced him. Well, actually I made it obvious to her that I hated him at sight while they were first dating, but that’s what you’d expect from the bratty younger sister, right? Except she never regarded me that way until he did.

    My dad, when her divorce was final: “We are all so happy that you lost that 200 pounds of ugly fat.”

    My opinion of family-arranged marriages has really improved over the years.

  90. I thought he was talking about the Corey that lived down the street when I was 9.

    He looks NOTHING like him.

  91. LOL, no Teresa. Never heard of that guy and the kid doesn’t look that old.

  92. He has no social media signature.
    ——————
    He’s smart. That shit is going to doom a whole generation. What if you’re dumb adolescent and pre-thought thoughts were easily accessible?

    I know I’d be unemployable.

  93. Well ethan does. Ethan likes most of the rest of Erin’s male friends. They just didn’t like NB

  94. What does raclette taste like? Is it similar to regular swiss cheese?
    ———————————
    Its really distinct. Very pungent both in flavor and smell. I love it, although I can see how some people may find it offensive.

    Think gruyere and swiss that’s very, very ripe.

  95. Mr. Beasn has no social media signature. Pretty sure he wouldn’t were he a teenager either.

  96. Apparently squeakhole had a very small window of opportunity. He’s already old news.

    I really should have called him last night.

  97. Coffee flavor = burnt.

  98. It’s a little too early to knock anyone out of the race. I think this weekend is when we can expect to see all the players.

  99. I thought snake juice is what your Mom guzzles.

    OMG That cracked me up.

  100. Hahahaha, Megaton McCain is now the conservative voice on The View.

  101. Mare surfs http://tinyurl.com/yc7ssjhw

  102. This week has sucked a lot of snake juice.

  103. #OccupyHertzShuttleBus

  104. Soccer game in a bit. Gotta shower and change. THen drive for an hour with a teen who doesn’t talk.

    ugh.

  105. The packers can go fuck themselves.

  106. The NFL will habe the same viewership as flyweight boxing if they keep this up.

  107. Women’s flyweight boxing.

  108. what did the packers do now?

  109. Pretty sure Packers want to keep the protest going

  110. I hope garbage rains down from the stands.

  111. Aaron Rodgers needs to be hit in the face with a Big Mac.

  112. That may be more of a Boston or Cleveland thing.

  113. Needs to be D-cell battery give-away day at GB.

  114. Red Ryder day.

  115. A buddy of mine went to a Celtics/Lakers game in Boston.

    “It was great! We spotted Jack Nicholson and threw garbage at him!”

  116. Packers fans need to throw blocks of cheese

  117. A funnelator and some cottage cheese would be fun.

  118. Oh, it gets worse than the Packers. Have you heard what the Tennessee Titan same?

    https://twitchy.com/brettt-3136/2017/09/28/tennessee-titan-on-winning-back-fans-angry-over-protests-dont-come-to-the-game/

    Their (NFL & players) myopia is blinding them quite rapidly.

  119. My senior year in college I went to Marco Island in FL with a friend of mine from ROTC and his family. He and I stayed at a Days Inn and the family stayed at their condo. The only condition was that we had to attend mass daily. The family was pretty wealthy and paid for a priest to come down for the week and do a series of masses and homilies. We’d be up till 3 or 4 in the morning and his sister was tasked with getting us out of bed and to the church on time at 8AM.

    We chatted with various groups of sorority girls staying at the hotel and hung around with girls from Wisconsin and Kentucky. One night we blew off the WI girls to hang out with the KY girls and got home in the middle of the night shit-faced drunk. When I tried to open the door I couldn’t put the key in no matter how hard I tried. It finally dawned on me that the doorknob was blocked and our door light was out. Someone next door heard us and turned their light on. That’s when I saw a humongous block of cheese impaled on the door knob. I laughed so hard I nearly shit myself.

    Well played Wisconsin girls!

    $20 block of cheese

  120. Packers fans need to throw hunks of fudge.

  121. LOL

  122. Good job, beasn.

  123. *draws chalk outline around poat*

  124. *hooks up hoses to tank of embalming fluid*

  125. It’s dead, Jim.

  126. bills fans might be churlish, drunk, braindamaged, pieces of shit –

    but they called it early –

    fuck the nfl

    with your moms’ ticket to paradise

  127. Soccer game here. It’s gonna be American sport. Erin had a good game but they lost.

  128. Not seeing any dildos, cheese blocks or Big Macs flying

  129. He distinctly said “to blave.”

  130. I hate Excel.

  131. https://is.gd/vglGgN

  132. The Packers?

    Worst color combo ever.

  133. http://tinyurl.com/y9ob74h7

    That is for jimes ONLY…..

    bro-j – for your thorsday gif collection (maybe it’ll bring cyn back)

  134. https://is.gd/vNpimV

  135. We miss you Cyn

    I’d post a Thor dildo every day to get you back!

  136. My youngest turned 14 two days ago. He’s lived with me as his dad longer than his bio dad while he was alive. He’s growing up to be a great kid. He bought a guitar with his money from various holidays and gifts (he’s a saver not a spender) this summer and has mastered one tune so far.

    https://is.gd/NK3TCa

    I’ve heard that riff hundreds of times since mid August and I’m listening to it now. One of the orderlies in the OR plays guitar and is quite good. I’ll pay him for some lessons after cross country season is over. Hopefully he’ll get some other tunes to practice.

  137. Comment by Jimbro on September 28, 2017 7:32 am

    This one

    https://is.gd/VjrRq6

    The black t-shirt the girl in front is wearing is a NASA Shuttle mission shirt. I had to look twice to make sure it wasn’t Mini-me.

  138. I hate Excel.

    Ho lee poopsticks did you pick the wrong career.

  139. http://tinyurl.com/ycexr25j

  140. Jimbro, I think that was the first song Rocketboy mastered.

  141. Commie West Point Grad was kicked out of Ranger School.

    What I read is that he was “Peered Out”, in that his peers decided he was a “Shitbag” ™ and not fit to be one of them…

    He was also “mentored” by the moslem chaplain and traveled with him.

    http://www.breitbart.com/big-government/2017/09/28/exclusive-west-point-professor-who-mentored-antifa-soldier-on-administrative-leave/

  142. This kid is 10.
    His future is bright.

    http://tinyurl.com/y8zehtoy

  143. ChrisP, since you are here, please tell Anita I hope she has a happy birthday on Saturday.

    And yeah, here’s hoping West Point weeds out the riffraff. Kind of nervous about what a Muslim professor and an Antifa fan were going to work out with the Taj Mahal.

  144. Comment by leoncaruthers on September 28, 2017 9:45 pm
    I hate Excel.
    Ho lee poopsticks did you pick the wrong career.

    Yeah… story of my life.

  145. Peej did the DNA dealio.

  146. Dario’s editor rearranged paragraphs.

  147. Insomnia.

    NB is already trying to chat with erin like old times. She’s not having it.

  148. Be strong Erin!

    NB had his chance … time to move on dot org


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