Drain The Swamp

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ru205xo

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Sunday toilet humor

Why did the ant fall off the toilet seat?
Because he was pissed off.

128 Comments

  1. So … why does JImbro poat right after I tell my table story in the previous thread.

    I’m thinking someone is feeling inadequate.

  2. We have a few surgeons that do woodworking. One guy makes furniture and another makes bowls and artsy things. They’re really into the wood types and will talk about it for a while if you ask them about it. A long while.

  3. Whatever Jimbro. I’m sure you do stuff around the house when you’re not working. I mean, not building table stuff, but *super* important stuff.

  4. Dude has made 100 tables since the fall.

    100.

    dang.

  5. I was working on my shitty poat as you were sharing your joyful experience. Refresh, link, BOOM! … oops

  6. His student loan is $350,000.

    How many tables is that. I’m sure that’s what he’s thinking.

  7. Women: You cannot shave your vagina. It’s an internal organ, merely the tube between vulva and cervix. Learn some fucking anatomy. Literally.

  8. Copied and pasted/ with new intro:

    Guess what the guy who made my tables does ?

    HE’S A SURGEON.

    He’s in his residency. And – you know, during his free time and not while watching his four very little children he builds tables.

    He wanted a table last fall – in the style I liked too – and found they were all super expensive, so he decided to make one. After that, he figured he could sell them too – he’s sold 100 since then (you know, during his free time) and has even delivered on up to Mackinaw Island.

    He’s from Tahoe, and is only here for a few years, then he goes back. I played with the kids while they were here – showed them the chickens and the worm farm. They loved the dogs.

  9. Carpenters don’t have student loans, they have paid apprenticeships.

  10. They must still be limiting resident work hours. When I did my residency we were there from 5 or 6 in the morning until 5 or 6 at night every week day and took call every third day including weekends. We didn’t go home after call and build tables.

  11. Your mom’s built like a table.

  12. 350k is huge! One of my students had about that much combined from college and med school. After doing a remote clinic I took him and another student along with my nurse out to lunch. I paid the bill since it was call to go to lunch. The whole time he was going on about these fancy meals in different cities and trips and on and on. I had little sympathy for his plight after lunch.

  13. Carin, I have found that smart, directed people are often multi talented. Lots of them are good musicians. I think the part of the brain that is math is also music. I don’t know what the eff I’m talking about, that is just an observation on those people I know.

    But in a nutshell your table maker being a surgeon is really cool.

    *tips hat to Jimbro who I’m sure is multitalented also*
    *hmmm hat tip to lots of people here at the H2, lots of smarties*

  14. …my call to go to lunch

  15. What do you guys think is your gift or gifts? As in special ability.

  16. Leon, he comes from a family of surgeons, and his parents did advise against it due to the uncertainty.

    He was a pretty nice guy, and doesn’t seem to be a complainer (Pat has a way of getting people to talk) – but a doer. He’s figuring it out.

  17. Plus, he just learned carpentry. He never knew he liked it. You would never guess it looking at this table that he’s only been doing it for 10 months or so.

  18. What do you guys think is your gift or gifts? As in special ability

    /looks away

  19. I mean, I have x-ray vision, but I try to keep that on the down-low.

    Makes people uncomfortable.

  20. I don’t consider myself especially talented at anything. That’s not false modesty, I just think I have a relatively high IQ and good executive function and ability to delay gratification.

  21. Oh, and I’m good at recognizing voices.

  22. I think IF I have a gift, it’s common sense. And now you’re thinking, “but mare, if it’s common sense, it’s common, lots of people have it!” I’m not sure about that..however, I have lived an incredibly non drama, good choice, life, with no great choices that have created giant turds to work around or beyond. And of course I consider this a gift, not something that I developed on my own because I’m smart or whatnot.

    Although I have very stable, awesome friends, I am the one with the least drama, crazy and kid problems stemming from (what I perceive as) crazy parenting. And have been told something similar, frequently, from friends.

  23. What do you guys think is your gift or gifts? As in special ability
    umm, err, well, yeah I got nothing.
    Wait special? like short bus special?
    Still nothing

  24. Comment by leoncaruthers on August 6, 2017 10:12 am

    I have the opposite of all of that.

  25. I want a special talent like music or languages but alas, I’m a dumbass in those regards. I bought a ukulele and I’m still learning the F chord. D’OH!

  26. I have the opposite of all of that.

    ——–

    Me too. Thank God, literally, that I compensated for being kind of dumb with not being compelled to do too many giant stupid things.

  27. That would explain why you’re in Canada, Pupster.

  28. Wait, I think I can delay gratification. Yes, that I can do.

  29. Also note the “relatively” up there. I’ve worked with people who were much smarter than me. I have rarely worked with smarter people who were also better planners and executors of plans.

  30. I was very fertile.

    That was my super power.

  31. Today my special ability is brisket.

  32. According to the tests we did, I am really fertile too, for all the good that did.

  33. The whole time he was going on about these fancy meals in different cities and trips and on and on. I had little sympathy for his plight after lunch.

    One of my former classmates is a young lady of color who hogged the scholarships (that I applied to and all failed to procure) by banging the little poor minority drum.

    She comes from a pretty well-to-do family (certainly more wealthy than mine), was always dressed to the nines, and mid-semester liked to do things like go to Aruba. Not during a break either, she would miss classes and just up and go on vacay! Probably used the scholarship money for that. I used to grind my teeth about it, even though she was actually a pretty nice kid, just gaming the system because that’s how it works. But she didn’t graduate. Held back to do Junior year again. Hah.

    Maybe she finally passed Pharm and next year she will graduate. Who knows, I’ll be working.

  34. Wait, I think I can delay gratification. Yes, that I can do.

    Other people’s gratification doesn’t count, Mare.

  35. I delayed your mom’s gratification.

  36. Other people’s gratification doesn’t count, Mare.

    ——-

    Damn it!

  37. A vacation is what I’m planning to take as soon as the work is done. Shouldn’t be more than another 20 years or so. Maybe less if I can get enough land and time to build some systems.

  38. Being fertile is a great gift and you brought 5 good people into the world. You done good.

  39. I like it when Leon talks “systems” talk. I wish he would buy an island develop the “systems” necessary and then I could move there. But I don’t have any skills so I probably wouldn’t be part of any of his systems.

    Damn it!

  40. I’d say “infrastructure” but that’s only part of it. The rest is the algorithms that make it productive. I’d love to get to point where the only reason I need to go to the grocery store is toilet paper and baby aspirin. I may end up deciding that it isn’t worth the effort, but I won’t know until I try.

  41. Looks like you are right, Leon…

    Meathead Goldwyn
    I am told the papain in the pineapple makes the pork mushy and the recipe is a fail!

  42. I so wanted the Swineapple to be real

  43. Minority scholarships are a scam.

  44. My special ability?

    Procrastination

  45. *eats paste

    any of you smarties want some?

  46. watching the new Ghostbusters, anyone see it?

  47. My gift is to be able to be able to say the same thing forty times a day and still make it sound like I care as much the first time as the 39th. Also, I can unerringly find the new waitstaff in any restaurant my son and I visit. We just sit down at a table and they come to me…

  48. So what you need is a barrier between the pineapple and the pork. Something non-protein based that will taste good infused with both pork and pineapple flavors..

    Caramelized onions?

    …TO THE LABORATORY!!

  49. Laura
    Don’t carmelize, instead buy a very large sweet onion (Mayan, Wallawalla, etc) and slice in half along equator between root and stem end. Cut off root and stem. Slit half bulb to use overlapping rings of onion as armor (See loricated armor pic on google) between pork and pineapple.

  50. Well, since your name is Mr Science…

  51. Salmon skin barrier

  52. Petroleum jelly barrier

  53. Hobo skin barrier

  54. Stuff the pork in a double sausage skin casing

  55. Yeah, a layer of good boot leather should do it, and keep the pork moist, too.

    Moist. Moist-t.

  56. *slaps forehead*

    Jimbro, you’re a genius! Not because of anything you said, but because of what you reminded me of! Close enough, man!

    Caul fat! Caul fat would be perfect. I bet it would insulate the pork away from the pineapple for just enough time.

    I’m gonna go on Twitter and ask Meathead what he thinks about that.

  57. >>What do you guys think is your gift or gifts? As in special ability.

    I’ve always had the ability to cause women to fail to acknowledge my existence.

  58. What do you guys think is your gift or gifts? As in special ability.

    I’m decent with languages, have some artistic skill, and I’m fairly smart. Unfortunately, the last has meant that I managed to get through much of school without ever really working hard at it.

  59. I’m a good reader. Well, I used to be.

    shit. I don’t have anything going for me.

  60. 14-3

    This morning’s game was decided by a walk-off gran-slam by our number 9 batter.

    I’ve never seen that before….

  61. Excellent, Wiser!

  62. Pffffttttt…why not 15-2?

  63. Don’t listen to Chardonnay Hooker. It’s a fine score.

  64. *whispers…I think that’s his season record*

  65. 14-3?

    What WOD was this? I don’t understand the scoring.

  66. >>>
    *whispers…I think that’s his season record*

    Yup.

    Today’s score was 24-9

  67. Why not 25-9?

  68. “Today’s score was 24-9”
    No mercy rule I surmise.

  69. You should kick the pitcher in the poon each time you score – may motivate zhim moar

  70. You know when you thought that there was no way the new Ghostbusters movie could be as bad as people said?

    Well, it was. And worse. Spectacularly bad. And not Sharknado spectacularly bad.

  71. Grown ups don’t need mercy rules. Mercy rules are for the participation generation.

  72. Milo makes fun of the black chick that’s in that movie. Lefties’ heads explode.

    She’s got a face uglier than Aunt Esther.

  73. Gorilla cookies.

  74. She can’t act, either. Even Kristen Wiig was bad.

  75. >>>“Today’s score was 24-9”

    No mercy rule I surmise.

    20 after 3, 15 after 4, 10 after 5.

    We were the home team. We won in the bottom of the 4th

  76. I saw a few shark movies on SyFy channel and they were so bad they were funny. The actors and the effects were laughable which was all part of the fun. I think the new Ghostbusters was supposed to be taken seriously as in “women power” or some such shit. I’m glad you confirmed that for me.

  77. “20 after 3, 15 after 4, 10 after 5.”
    That makes sense – while I agree in principle with hotntot – I think a Sunday league should be devoted to drinking beer as soon as possible – if’ you’re kicking someone’s poon so bad as to be boring
    ”Tis best to get on with the drinkin’

  78. Seems y’all have it covered.

  79. After a while, the beatdown needs to stop.

  80. There is a point where continued pitching is doing damage to the pitcher you may have on your team next season.

  81. >>>if’ you’re kicking someone’s poon so bad as to be boring
    ”Tis best to get on with the drinkin’

    Sadly, there’s only about three of us that get that….

  82. Grown ups don’t need mercy rules. Mercy rules are for the participation generation.

    Sportsmanship is for pussies.

    Stuff Jefferson Would’ve Said If He’d Had Any Fuckin’ Balls, Vol III.

  83. Good evening, people who are wistfully watching the last dying embers of their weekend.

  84. Is that emo Sean that just showed up?

  85. You just harshed my mellow

  86. Motha

  87. Floculator

  88. The truth hurts, huh?

  89. Sean,
    The sun’s still high in the sky, somewhere above the smoke from the BC wildfires…

  90. I watched the chick Ghostbusters for Chris Hemsworth. I watched the new Vacation movie for Chris Hemsworth.

  91. I watched a movie from a few years back that I had never heard of last night. It’s called Trance, and it’s about a guy who loses a painting after getting conked on the head by a shotgun during an art heist, and his efforts to find it with the help of a sexy hypnotherapist. Not the greatest movie, but it does feature full-frontal Rosario Dawson nudity, if you’re into that.

    (I was into that.)

  92. Speaking of (good) bad movies, Sharknado 5: Global Swarming premieres tonight.

  93. Dan won’t watch Sharknados with me. I have to On Demand them.

  94. Mare, I make acronyms. That is my super power.

  95. https://is.gd/bBeE1I

  96. https://is.gd/RDhHYY

  97. I had fun today.
    Assembled my buddy’s 3 yr old Christmas gift – an Inversion Table (I used to sell fitness equipment for a couple decades, so he finally called me).

    If you’ve never seen a fat man panic while hanging upside down, I recommend that you try to do so. Bring a drink & a bag of popcorn…

  98. Chi, I responded to your drain question around 7 this morning.

  99. I saw, Scott. Thank you so much.
    Was busy all day, so couldn’t poat a thanks, but I saw it.
    A neighbor gave me 1/2 bottle of something called “blow out” that I dumped down the drain – we’ll see?

    Side note, but fun:
    I tried texting an old girlfriend/moronette this evening. Apparently, she doesn’t have that number anymore, but the dude that has it seems to have a sense of humor. He appreciated the Dick pic I sent him, anyway. Maybe not?

  100. I got a drain cleared this morning too.

  101. I used something called green gobbler and it took two doses

  102. Sounds like you could work for Fox News, chi.

  103. Gross.

  104. I got a drain cleared this morning too.

    Worst euphemism this week.

  105. Does anyone else have this problem: If I smell a food cooking all day by the time it is ready…I’m no longer hungry.

  106. No.

  107. “If I smell a food cooking all day by the time it is ready…I’m no longer hungry.”

    I get that.

    I cooked a brisket today.

    I will enjoy it more tomorrow.

  108. Ignores everyone

  109. Green Gobbler?

    So………your mom.

  110. She called for a hairy plumber. Or two.

  111. Ribs were good, but I was over it before they were ready. See also last night’s lasagna.

  112. Looking forward to tomorrow night. Potato salad, corn on the cob, leftover ribs. Sourdough bread. At least I didn’t hurt Dan’s feels by not wanting tater salad and corn tonight.

  113. On the other hand I smell better than anyone.

  114. Smoking!

  115. http://tinyurl.com/ydxbpte3

  116. Hahaha! I know I’ve posted that I follow the Rudy’s guys through the Club in the morning. Smoked meat!!!!

  117. FWIW, the gym who came up with the Swineapple recipe is from my hometown – La Porte, Texas!

    Is MJ around? If so, would you please contact me at teresa.hamilton.koch at the gmail thingy? I have a question for you –

  118. Swineapple is quite popular on the facedouche PBC group. Sounds good to me too.

    Grilled pineapple is the best.

  119. MJ will be around in the morning, I’m sure.

  120. how goes all the surgeries and such, TiFW? Haven’t seen much of you round here.

  121. Sharknado over, time for bed.

  122. What do you guys think is your gift or gifts? As in special ability.

    For some reason, whenever there is an emergency situation – usually a medical crisis or a death – I have been told by more than one of my friends and family that I am the one they want to have around to help everyone get through the first couple of days.

    I don’t know if that is a “gift” or not, and I have no idea what I do that makes people think that about me; I am always surprised when someone says that to me.

    My other gift is my ability to do needlework. I always told my daughters that they didn’t get the Hair and Makeup Mom, or the Baking Mom, or the Cool Mom – they got the Sewing and Needlework Mom….

  123. Jay, I am almost seven weeks post-surgery on the left knee revision. I go to see the doctor on Thursday. Apparently when he got in there, he also had to repair a torn quadricep muscle – I had no idea it was torn….

    The recovery has been a little quicker on this one, as my leg was already used to the new knee joint. But now my right knee is not happy, so at some point in the not-too-distant future, I will be having that one done as well.

    Then I think I’m done with surgeries for a little while. I have a couple of cosmetic reconstructive surgeries that I want to have done (dealing with excessive skin after weight loss), but I’m going to wait until my knees are much, much better to tackle those!

  124. Doolittle’s enemies remained perplexed.

  125. Doolittle knew things

  126. Vmax has a special compassion for animals without making it a religion, I think that is a gift.

  127. MMM in about 15 min.

  128. Took me a minute, I had a rant to write.

    https://thehostages.wordpress.com/2017/08/07/mmm-285-the-agenda-is-everywhere/


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