Saturday, maybe Sunday

Because we should have a new poat for the weekend.
You should see my lists.

Or Diet Dr Pepper

*cough*Hillary’s pantsuit*cough*

Dad joke of the day: I don’t trust those trees, they look shady.
Y’all have a good day.

228 Comments

  1. Wakey wakey.

  2. Daughter is fuming around the house because she agreed to go to this crossfit thing this morning.

    Criminey. YOU said yes. quit yer bitching

  3. Sumpter is 95% white, 4% black, and the rest are a mix of messican and philipino. There’s on middle eastern family, but the women wear western clothes. I pray they are Copts.

  4. So I looked up HSV demographics, and it’s 30% black, 2% Hispanic, 2% Asian. I thought that second number would be higher. Albertville to the south is 30% Hispanic. (More farms and the Tyson chicken plants)

  5. From what I can tell, very few Italians* in lapeer. I hope lauraw doesn’t get more uncomfortable stares. I’ll go SJW on her behalf.

    *I totally made that up. We’re pretty much a European mish-mash.

  6. There’s a guy a mile from my house that rents the barn for his horses – a black dude. I don’t know him except I wave when I run by, but it’s just funny, because he’s the black cowboy. He’s always got the hat on and the get-up when he’s there.

    I wonder if his hood-rat friends know?

  7. What is the puppet demo?

    Will I be safe in Lapeer?

  8. Trump is so funny. He brings in a hit man to fire a bunch of people, then whacks the hitman.

    Hahahahaha. Poor Scaramucci, though. He LOVED the president so much.

  9. I wonder if Scaramucci regrets deleting all those tweets.

  10. https://is.gd/E95tln

  11. I need to trim my brisket and rub it.

  12. 0930 and both kids are still asleep. We’ve been up since 6, had coffee and Paula left for work an hour ago. I’m about to start making some noise to get their asses out of bed.

  13. This is a recurring bit in this comic where he shouts a non sequitur at the batter. I thought of Hotspur’s bullwhips with this one:

    http://proof-proofpositive.blogspot.com/2017/08/kirkwood_4.html

  14. a book on how to rub your brisket at home to avoid trimming it:

  15. is that mare or hotspur in the header pic?

  16. I need to trim my brisket and rub it.

    Is that a euphemism?

  17. I can’t imagine that book selling many copies. I suppose if it were a kindle book and downloaded immediately it might be useful. But waiting a few days for the paperback edition might create some problems for the sufferer.

  18. Just for Laura. Nobody else look.

  19. Jam, when you change the header pic, change the fucking tagline. If Rosetta were here he’d “jam” your ass then shove a potato and ten pennies up it.

  20. I’m sorry if I hurt anyone’s feeling, sorta laughing about my friends’ small penis story.

    Avoids eye contact with Hotspur.

  21. “I really like her, she’s a great person, really sweet, a good mom and we have lots in common, but her vagina is HAW-UUGE, like throwing a hot dog down a hallway. I don’t think it will work out.”

  22. School starts Monday for Mini-me, so I’m letting her sleep.

  23. This gal … is a freak. I’m sure it’s not important to every woman, but it is to her.

    I’m sure there are plenty of guys who decided they didn’t like some girl because something was wrong with her shape or performance.

    And honestly – the way she described it … it was more of a birth defect.

  24. We did advise her to give it a chance.

  25. I had a teammate in college who dated a stunning girl for about a year or so. Then they broke up. I happened to overhear another guy ask him why he broke up with her and his reply was, “She always kinda made this squeaking sound while we were fucking. I just couldn’t take it any more.” Even then I thought that was awful shallow. He was from California and all those cats were a little different.

  26. Ugh.

  27. Squeaking sound? All he needed was a little more lube.

  28. I grew up in El Paso, TX, which is over 80% Mexican now. I live in New Mexico now, and it’s around 50% Hispanic in my county.

  29. “I need to trim my brisket and rub it.”

  30. Well, heck, exactly how small was this guy’s penis?

  31. And I wonder if her body made the squeaking sound or she made the sound with her mouth?

    Inquiring minds want to know.

  32. Census claims that 48% of this county is Hispanic. If true, I’d say this, the majority of the whites are 50 or older. The school population is about 80/20 Hispanic.

  33. Maybe she just had arthritis.

  34. Mare, i didn’t ask. I’ve always assumed it was her vag but maybe not. She didn’t have a squeaky conversational voice.

    All I know is she was way out of my league, and probably way out of his, and he was discarding her for what I considered to be a minor defect.

  35. Can you all stop existing so loudly? Thanks.

  36. Mare – my friend showed me my looping her fingers together to show the diameter. This is TMI (but she tells us this shit all the time) but they haven’t “done it” but she gave him a hand job. maybe an inch diameter. Didn’t make up for it with length either.

  37. A squeak is a minor defect. YOu just turn up the radio louder, just like I do with my car.

  38. You have sex with your car?

  39. I guess she doesn’t call herself Car in for nothing.

  40. Story at 11.

  41. Thank you for your response, Carin. My mind was really wandering for a bit there.

  42. On the upside (HA!) we know his weiner works regardless of size because he has a child.

  43. I don’t know what I’m saying.

  44. I suddenly feel very endowed.

  45. I saw Wiener Works open for Jimmy Buffet at the Starlight in 86.

  46. Parking lot nap time. Hoping it will last another hour or so.

  47. I can honestly say that it’s never occurred to me to measure the diameter of my junk. Since its tapered on the end, that might be problematic any way. I guess I could get a circumference and divide by pi. I’ll be right back.

  48. I saw Tapered Junk open for Hotdog down a Hallway in ’87.

    I don’t know what I’m saying.

  49. Huh, the header pic kind of, sort of, possibly a little, looks like “if mare and Hotspur fused their heads together” and she likes chardonnay and hooking!!

  50. God had to make junk tapered else the doors would slam shut every time you pulled out. That would probably get old for the door owners.

    I really, really don’t know what I’m sayin.

  51. Going the other direction from micropeens, I can still remember one day when I was a resident and we were fixing some guy’s femur. His schlong was the length of the average woman’s forearm. The funny part of the story is how many nurses passed through the room to get equipment. More like they wanted to check out his equipment. By the end of the case we were laughing at them as they entered the room

  52. I guess I could get a circumference and divide by pi.

    I was told there’d be no math. (had to be said)

  53. I really , really don’t know what I’m saying.

    ———–

    Hahahhhhaaa

  54. Great-nephew got hacked during school yesterday. Dumb ass twice, once for clicking on that “cool video about you!” link, once for being on his smartphone during class.

    Seems to be a Facedouche Messenger hack.

  55. Speaking of hacks, the gov’t actually did something smart (pause while you recover from the near-faint). At work, we’ve had at least three phishing exercises where they send something that looks like a scam with links but is in reality a test to see if you’re stupid enough to fall for it. If you clicked the links in at least two of the exercises, you get special training. Very grateful I don’t have to go through more training than I already have scheduled.

  56. IT did that st my place. There was a mass email about “your raise”. Click for details. The fact anyone thought they were getting a raise speaks to how gullible they are.

  57. Yeah, I had the raise, a “enter your SSN and password here”, and a “log in immediately to verify your pay status”.

  58. The log in immediately one even had the exact same header as the usual IT emails, but I started wondering, “Immediately? What happens to the people who aren’t here today?”, moused over the link, and it was to a non-gov addy.

  59. Ordered a couple of belly band holsters.

    Not a lot of options for women who don’t wear belts and don’t carry a purse.

    The reviews were so good I got one for myself.

  60. Hmmmm, Penelope decided to do a little kitchen remodeling. She’s tearing out some cabinets this morning. She’s been watching home improvement shows for 15 years, so this should be a piece of cake.

  61. I have a quick-draw fanny pack. Don’t get to use it much, but it fits my Taurus 5 shot .38 perfectly.

  62. I read this years ago but I read it again lately and still think it’s a hoot.
    You probably all saw it too, but just in case, enjoy.

    http://crazcowboy.tripod.com/Silverstein/markham.htm

  63. One of Shel Silverstein’s lesser known works!

  64. https://is.gd/8n2UPt

  65. Grad Party

  66. Today I experienced the starkest difference between New Jersey drivers and Maryland drivers.

    In NJ, the slow moving, slumbering grandpas crawling along at 85 mph in left lane would quickly move over to allow faster vehicles to pass.

    In Maryland, assholes driving little 55 hp shitmobiles who groan and grunt their tin cans to 65 mph think of themselves as overlords of the left lane.

    Fucking assholes.

  67. https://is.gd/5gr2Xi

  68. Tushar, I usually take that to mean it’s a state where they enforce the speed limits.

    Like Ohio, where I got pulled over for doing 59 in a 55.

  69. Grad party.

    http://tinyurl.com/y8nkmf9u

  70. Hailstorm!

  71. Do they still use radar guided missiles against speeders in Ohio?

  72. Nice pic, CoAlex. Girls are cute.

  73. I was expecting XBrad’s grad party link to be this .

  74. but nice ‘splodey, nonetheless.

  75. Scott, NJ was infested with traffc cams.
    The Governus Maximus shut them all down.
    Now people are free to exercise their God and Henry Ford given right to speed as they please.

  76. If you see someone in CT driving the speed limit they probably have out of state plates.

  77. My little guy just asked me how he’d pay taxes on his YouTube channel. He’s earned exactly no money but he’s dreaming big. He’s a rule follower and is concerned they’ll be coming for him if he messes up.

  78. Looks like they throw you under the bus at $600.

    eBay doesn’t report your earnings to the IRS until you hit $10,000 in a single year.

  79. I am meeting family. Usually left leaning by default. It was gratifying to see them cautiously voice support for various Trump policies, making sure not too many people hear them. They don’t support Trump obviously. He is bad. But his policies are appealing to them.
    I won’t be surprised if 2020 is a bigger blowout than 2016.

  80. Oh, and for a bunch of brown folks, they do oppose unrestricted immigration a bit too vociferously. Buncha ladder pulling ingrates!

  81. Read Lauraw’s Shel post to CDB’s Devil Went Down to GA. As God intended.

  82. Tush, you have slow driving assholes in the left lane in MD. And truck after truck after truck in the right lane. I H8 MD

  83. Yall were talking earlier – i dont know my areas demographics but we have plenty of south of the border types.
    Ate at a new local mexican joint for lunch today. The place is authentic as Selena’s rear end. When Fred and I walked in, every brown person in the joint stopped their conversations and stared at the two gringos. “WTF are they doing in here?”
    I think I heard the needle scratch to a stop on the mariachi record.

    I got a little cred though when I ordered (in Spanish) dos tacos de lingua & y barbacoa de cabeza. That was the real deal messican food. Cheap, too.

  84. Chi, New Mexican food is better than Messican. Lots of carbs. (waves at Lauraw)

  85. I checked out the Wiki for Albuquerque…😜😜😜 3.3% AA and 2.6% Asian. Natives didn’t make the cut!!! White was 60% blah and Hispanic White was 40 something. I just thought it was funny that the feathers were ignored

  86. We were 40 something of the white 60 something

  87. People of WalMart is totes different in parts of Denver. Like Scottsdale and Jacksonville different. The moment you realize you are the POW…

  88. Pennsylvania is a speed trap.

  89. I don’t understand how you people can speed. Too many vehicles on the road. We may drive like assholes out West, but we’re fast assholes.

  90. My Tias, Virginia and Rebecca, were backseat nagging my Uncle Gale. I was like “He is driving at the speed of traffic and in OK and TX, you can be ticketed for driving too slow. Slow drivers cause more accidents than those that maintain the flow”. (Stat I just made up because who drives 55 on rural roads?)

  91. I can’t drive 55.

  92. https://is.gd/i77rWx

  93. I’ve never had the pleasure, oso, but since the first time I saw it on TV I’ve been dying to try a meal covered in NM green Chile sauce.

  94. Chi, I prefer fresh roasted green chile…no sauce. Green chile season is here. Grocery stores are rolling out the chile roasters and it is starting to smell yummy. ChileMonster.com is a great site for fresh chile.

  95. This reminds me of of the great Hatch Chile Debate we had back when I was still welcome at Ace’s.
    NewMessicans get touchy about their peppers…

  96. Pat wants to do a PIG roast for Lapeerpalooza 2: TOWMJGM

  97. I made pizza. I think I’ve almost got this eggs+coconut flour crust nailed.

  98. Pay knows that’s like a 24-hour endeavor, right?

  99. Chi, Hatch is ok. I prefer Chimayo and Pueblo, CO.

  100. Is it better than fathead’s crust?

  101. Who decided mustard yellow was a good color for HOF jackets?

  102. No, but it doesn’t take almond flour and lets me burn through all the eggs I’m no longer selling to office mates.

  103. Looks like Cosell era MNF

  104. It’s not a 24 hour thing if you pay someone else to go it. Duh. I don’t think we’ll have enough people, so some of you are just gonna have to suck it up and make the trip

  105. I was going to say, we roast a pig at my parish once a year, and there are usually leftovers. Free pork, polish and irish catholics. Leftovers.

    It’s mind-bottling.

  106. Luau!!!

  107. dag nabbittttt –
    gonna miss a pig roast

  108. A smoked pork shoulder for pulled pork sounds good. Pork and clams are best friends, by the way. I don’t know if you knew that.

  109. You guys gotta let Pay have his fun.

  110. We already purchased a new clam cooler.

  111. Greetings, wagons of jag.

  112. Greetings bearded halo guy that hates the gheys

  113. (Oso is watching the NFL Induction ceremony. 50% tears and only 2 inductees in…let’s watch)

  114. I just made banana bread cause I hit six bananas away from Micah so he wouldn;t eat them all at once and forgot about them. So…yay! Two loaves I can foist on someone as a gift.

  115. Oso, how many fathers vs moms?

  116. I haven’t had banana bread in a long time. I wouldn’t mind being thusly foisted.

  117. jason taylor was home schooled

  118. When we have bananas that have gone by I always mean to make bread with them. By the time my available time catches up with my ambition Paula usually has dumped them in the trash. Then I think “Next time I’ll peel and freeze them”. My streak of not doing that is impressive

  119. 3 speeches in, dad’s not as represented as baseball.

  120. I H8 TD. He gave horse teeth a SB

  121. I H8 TD. He gave horse teeth a SB

    …what?

  122. Terrell Davis

    Elway = horse teeth

    Super Bowl

  123. On a non-NFL topic, it amazes me how many people these days don’t know their own goddamn phone number. We have to ask for it for certain transactions here at work, and these people have to spend five minutes futzing with their phones trying to figure it out.

  124. Nope…this stuff is too dry. Not suitable for gifts.

    Also seems to have acquired a severe case of stonescale disease in reverse. My son has decrusted about half of
    one loaf

  125. Hey Oso …can you translate some baseball for me?

    I’m watching one of the teams you love to hate, my BoSox. Commentary is with Dennis Eckersly former pitcher. He keeps making note of the pitcher’s “cheese”. I’m assuming he’s referring to a fastball pitch. “Gotta have the cheese”. If it doesn’t mean a particular type of pitch I’m not sure why Eck keeps talking about the pitcher’s cheese and I’m not sure I want to know.

  126. Cheese = speed

  127. Fast ball pitches high up around the letters got that name a LONG time ago

  128. and lets me burn through all the eggs I’m no longer selling to office mates@

    How much are you getting for them?
    I spent most of the day with an old friend. He was bragging about his “farm fresh eggs” that he buys from the farmers market every Saturday morning – $5 dozen???
    I just paid 55¢/dozen for eggs at the grocery store, idiot!

    I am tempted to get a few city chickens if I can get $5/dzn…

  129. Thanks! I’ve always been a casual baseball fan and didn’t know that. I think I’ve watched more baseball with Paula than I did my whole life prior to that. She’s the girl that was pissed when she aged out of hardball and had to play on the softball team. It would have been embarrassing for me to ask her. A man should know about the cheese

  130. 55 cents for a dozen eggs? You must be living in the 30’s.

  131. $2 here.

  132. The weird thing about baseball is that there are new things being made all the time. WHIP, WAR etc., all of the things that try and quantify what used to be called “x-factor”

  133. Yeah, Scott. I don’t know why, but eggs are cheaper than dirt around here lately.
    I eat a LOT of them these days. Cheapest protein around by far.
    I would be buying steak again if I had to pay $5/dzn.

  134. $3 for a dozen at road side stands here –

    $0.99 per at Maines (a local wholesale distributor) when they want to clear inventory (which is weekly)

  135. scrambled eggs with stuff are amazing

  136. Table that seats 12 is now installed. I’m ready for Lapeerpalooza.

  137. Eggs are 55cents here at Aldi.

  138. Fresh eggs to taste better though. My new hens aren’t laying, so I’m only getting 4 a day from the four older hens I have left.

  139. cyn

  140. chumpo

  141. jew

  142. agile dog

  143. paul

  144. mesa

  145. *wonders how long chumming takes*

  146. wiser!

  147. Comment by Car in on August 5, 2017 10:03 pm
    Table that seats 12 is now installed. I’m ready for Lapeerpalooza.

    They’ll just have a glass of water, thanks.

  148. andy

  149. peej

  150. jazz

  151. 3pee oh

  152. *
    slack tide
    *

  153. I want some of whatever jam is smiokin’

  154. Anybody here remember Teafran?

  155. Texas Jew, too.

  156. I used to sell my excess for $2/dozen, which was much less than I could have. I didn’t often have extras with the first flock because I was powerlifting at the time and a dozen eggs was a normal meal then.

  157. boy that sounds familiar

  158. Orwell

  159. yeah – TJ

  160. Brew

  161. yeah – eric must be designing a new yurt in the desert somewhere

  162. Morning Wood

  163. west and his daughter

  164. I remember the name, laura. That’s about it.

  165. aggie hates us because of xb’s stalking thing

  166. fukin’ TBOM – wheres that bastardo?

  167. DinT

  168. most of those are on facedouche

  169. we never sat at the table at LapeerPalooza 1, now you got a new one?

  170. ahh-ite
    im out
    gotta pick up an excavator in the morning and annoy the neighbors

  171. now I get a new one. yes. What about it?

  172. Hehe, looked lovely, Car in

  173. I am not making a facefuck account. I draw a line somewhere.

  174. jam’s a wuss. Stay up, it’s Saturday.

  175. Tushar is a technophobe.

    Car in is a table hoarder

  176. And a muddler hoarder.

    Someone rescue it from her.

  177. I got thrown off of twitter for calling Obama a pussy. They will “consider” reinstating me if I’ll provide a cell # so they can text me a link on how to get reinstated. Not fuckin happening. So here I am at H2 or 3 or 8 or whatever.

  178. Crap. I meant to ask this this hours ago – before I went to the hardware store.
    Anyone here have experience/opinions on drain cleaners? What to use?

    I’m a contractor fercryinoutloud, and I despise the thought of putting chemicals down the pipes, but I can’t get my laundry room to drain. I guess the it’s clogged with washing machine lint? I’ve snaked it, to no avail.

  179. Wha, they kicked you for that? I’ve heard much worse.

    Oh wait, it was about Bush, or Trump. Nevermind.

  180. Getting packed up to leave early in the morning for Texas. Hoping to meet up with Vmax.

  181. I have got a lot of kids at my house right now.

    /frets

  182. I don’t know that they’re up to no good, but I feel I need to be vigilant.

  183. Better go stand guard outside your deck.

  184. Is Notaboyfriend there?

  185. They should schedule a big sleepover for Lapeerpalooza 2

  186. >>I don’t know that they’re up to no good, but I feel I need to be vigilant.

    I so do not fucking miss this part of parenting.

  187. Not boyfriend is here. He’s avoiding me, so I’m going to have to be extra vigilant.

  188. They should schedule a big sleepover for Lapeerpalooza 2

    Kids today are super big on sleepovers. Criminey.

  189. His parents are usually really strict and he’s gone by now. I don’t know what the deal is.

    ugh.

    It’s not like I can go to sleep like this.

  190. Not boyfriend is here. He’s avoiding me, so I’m going to have to be extra vigilant.

    Tell him about Crossfit. He’s sure to be captivated for hours.

  191. Just remember, we’re here for you, Car in.

    Mostly to put bad thoughts in your head.

    But here.

  192. Mention casually that you know a guy who has his own flamethrower. And that he kinda lives nearby.

  193. Also, he’s currently looking to buy new land where he can do a lot of digging.

  194. Also, he can wax extravagantly and infinitely on damned near any topic.

  195. And he doesn’t jerk it, so he probably has, like, a bunch of pent-up frustration.

  196. Gonna watch Shawshank Redemption, cuz I saw Dark Tower earlier, and was underwhelmed.

  197. Heh, Eric Bolling sending dick pics now.

  198. Looking forward to it Roamy.

  199. Derp lights, big city they’ve gone to my baby’s head
    Derp lights, big city gone to my baby’s head
    I tried to tell you woman, you won’t believe a thing that I said

  200. What is it with Fox news anchors and dick pics?

  201. Up early with Paula who is going to BoSox game today. She bought tickets back in March when her enthusiasm for the trip was higher. Not feeling it now. I’ve got to drive a kid to work in Bangor 11-4 and do an add on case sometime today. They’re not giving me a time, just “this afternoon”.

    Fcuk me

  202. *wonders if Carin ever got to sleep or is still holding a vigil*

  203. https://is.gd/oWKeMd

  204. Yeah, so it looks like I’m just a 5:30 riser now. That’s cool. Good for getting stuff done. After coffee.

  205. Sorry you’re not having a restful Sunday, Jimbro.

  206. Thanks Laura. Sometimes I feel guilty about bitching since it’s just one weekend of call per month and one day a week. The booking system and inefficiencies of any OR are baked into the system and no amount of well-intentioned tinkering seem to improve the system. Being held hostage all day is what I find the most annoying.

  207. Yeah, you’re pretty spoiled and bratty.
    j/k

    Plans for this week: I’ve got all this saved-up meat scraps and fat defrosting for making sausage. Some beef, some pork. I have great recipes for linguica and Andy’s sausages. But I’m thinking of trying something new.

    I modified this recipe for chicken sausage a while back and it was really good. I think this time I’ll actually follow the original recipe:

    https://food52.com/blog/8506-sheboygan-style-bratwurst

  208. Need to see what I have for hog casings in the fridge. Might have to run out and buy some.

  209. “Anyone here have experience/opinions on drain cleaners? What to use?”

    If you are not in a rush, or as a preventive http://tinyurl.com/y7dcaqvs

    If you want fast, go to Home Depot and get the stuff in the black bottle. (It’s the only bottle that is also bagged).

    I’ve been told it will dissolve tree roots.

  210. This stuff http://tinyurl.com/lbv9jfz

  211. After the Anthony Weiner debacle would Eric Bolling really be that stupid? I’m not believing this until proven. Why does anyone do this? What women likes this?

  212. http://tinyurl.com/o2p7fl3

  213. Eric Bolling has been rumored to be a candidate for a position in the Trump administration and elected office if I recall correctly.

    http://freebeacon.com/politics/fox-news-host-eric-bolling-considering-senate-run/

    He must have polled well against the Dem in the seat.

  214. https://is.gd/ly1dkk

  215. Up at 5 for day 2 with Possum. I need to build an electromagnet today to get all the nails from my pallet fire, so I might take her to the hardware store later.

  216. wakey wakey

  217. I bet notaboyfriend’s body would poison the phragmite rhizome nicely.

  218. I’m kidding of course. About the only thing dumber than burying a body on your own land is burying one on land that you intend to sell.

  219. So, I love my new table, and you should all come see it at the end of the month. The food is going to be fabulous.

    I need two end chairs, but those won’t be coming anytime soon because they will probably be $$$. Also – a new light over the table.

    BUT – so Pay is talking to the guy who built it (he brought his wife and four little kids up to delivery it). I assumed he had another job, etc, and that this was a side thing he did.

    Guess what he does. GUESS. You’ll never guess.

  220. *waits

  221. *waits a little longer

  222. HE’S A SURGEON.

    He’s in his residency. And – you know, during his free time and not while watching his four very little children he builds tables.

    He wanted a table last fall – in the style I liked too – and found they were all super expensive, so he decided to make one. After that, he figured he could sell them too – he’s sold 100 since then (you know, during his free time) and has even delivered on up to Mackinaw Island.

    He’s from Tahoe, and is only here for a few years, then he goes back. I played with the kids while they were here – showed them the chickens and the worm farm. They loved the dogs.

  223. I can’t believe none of you guessed.

  224. That’s pretty cool.

  225. It is really cool. I love my table even more. Hardest working man in the hospital. lol. He told Pay that he’ll be paying his student loans off forever.

  226. He should have gone into carpentry. No loans and you get paid even as an apprentice.


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